How can you tell if a guy is hurting after a breakup?
Men can act in the weirdest of ways when they are hurt. Plus, they are often also not the best at showing and communicating their true feelings.
From countless stories women shared with me in emails, comments and coaching calls, I know how confusing guys can be after a breakup.
On one hand, he might make you feel like his mind is all made up and this is what he truly wants.
But at the same time, some of the things he says and does just don’t add up!
I’ve experienced this myself first hand too, when my then ex and now husband (yes, we got back together) started blaming me for not wanting to see him a day after he broke up with me.
Guys’ behaviors after a breakup often don’t make any sense at all. It’s because they themselves DON’T know what they’re doing.
This is why you need to keep a cool head and read between the lines.
In this article, I’ll help you identify the signs that your ex-boyfriend is hurting after the breakup and what it means for your relationship.
1. He Doesn’t Reach Out to You
One of the most common signs a guy is hurting after a breakup is when he doesn’t reach out to you at all.
He doesn’t write you messages, doesn’t call, maybe he doesn’t even react to your posts or stories.
But he hasn’t unfriended or blocked you.
Don’t be fooled into thinking it’s a sign he doesn’t care after the breakup and is moving on already.
If you guys broke up only a few days or weeks ago, he can’t possibly be over you just yet.
Feelings for someone can’t just vanish from one day onto the next.
Your ex not reaching out is much more likely a sign that he is hurting because of something you said or did and is now giving you the silent treatment.
Another typical way in which guys try to communicate that they are hurting after a breakup by acting extra distant and reserved.
Make no mistake, guys do generally go cold after a breakup. It’s completely normal if things cool off between the two of you to some degree. After all, you’re no longer together.
But there is a difference between having some healthy amount of space and independence, and someone acting super cold and reserved towards you.
Maybe he believes you really hurt him. Maybe he doesn’t trust you anymore and is trying to protect himself from falling for you again.
Regardless of what his reasons for treating you this way are, him staying extremely distant and reserved is a sign he is hurting after the breakup.
3. He Acts as Though He Doesn’t Care About the Breakup
This is another one of these classic confusing male behaviors:
Has your ex made it out as though the breakup didn’t affect him at all?
That he is at peace with everything, is enjoying his single life and wants you to find happiness too.
He might be even encouraging you to move on and start dating someone else!
Well, don’t fall for it. It’s all a bluff.
Why do guys so often act like they don’t care after a breakup?
It’s because they are so afraid of you abandoning them, that they’ll try to preempt the strike and make it out as though it was their choice.
In other words, “him giving you his blessing” is an attempt to maintain control over you and your dating life.
If your ex has been acting this way, it’s a definite sign he is missing you already and hurting after the breakup.
This is a rather straightforward one, yet many women find even this one confusing.
If your ex has been posting sunset photos, lonely landscapes, sad quotes, songs about heartbreak and disappointment, etc. make no mistake, they are meant for you to see.
He is trying to communicate things to you indirectly.
Not only is this a sign he is heartbroken over you, but also that he is missing you and thinking of you.
What makes this one confusing is that it will make you think:
“If he is so sad about the breakup, why doesn’t he just get back together with me already?!”
The thing is, this kind of indirect communication often happens when your ex broke up with you due to his fears and commitment issues, or if he was manipulated into doing it by somebody else.
He is hurting after the breakup, but likely still believes it was justified or inevitable.
5. He Is Irritable or Defensive Every Time You Talk
Your ex reacting defensively to everything you say and do is another obvious sign that he is hurting after the breakup.
Yet many women find this one hard to read too.
After all, him being so hostile and difficult might make you feel like he just doesn’t care about you at all anymore.
It’s true, he probably doesn’t have much room for where you’re at the moment, but that’s because he is just too hurt and heartbroken.
What’s more, he is endlessly provoking you to get you to come his way and show him that you care about him.
He is definitely still hurting after the breakup. Think about it, if your ex was truly done with you, he would make an effort to be more distant and civil.
6. He Throws Himself Into a Rebound Relationship Right Away
How do men fix a broken heart?
One of the easiest and fastest ways of relieving the pain of rejection and heartbreak is by finding someone else who can fill that void.
What better way to feel loved and appreciated than to start with a fresh slate. It can be like a band-aid for his broken heart.
If your ex moved on and got together with someone new almost right after your breakup, it’s a definite sign that he is still hurting and very desperate.
He is so afraid of being lonely and unloved, he can’t handle being single.
If you’re in this very situation, you might be wondering: how can you know if your ex is happy without you? And how do you know he is not coming back?
Much like, sticking a band-aid on doesn’t actually heal the wound. Jumping into a rebound doesn’t actually help you get over heartbreak.
He is likely still hurting about the things he was needing from you, you couldn’t give him. So no, he probably isn’t happy, even if he is making it out as though he is.
Whether he is coming back or not, depends on whether you leave room for him to do so, and also on how viable of a relationship his rebound actually is.
How Do You Know if He Still Loves You After a Break-Up?
Now that you know if your ex is hurting after the breakup or not, the next big question you might have is whether his feelings for you are still there…
Let me put you at ease, right away:
Yes, he most likely still loves you!
People can’t help but get attached to the person they are with. Moreover, we don’t have control over our own feelings.
Much like you can’t make yourself stop caring about him, he can’t force himself to stop caring about you.
The only things that can eventually make the two of you drift apart completely are: distance and time.
Most women I talk to in coaching calls are always shocked by how long it actually takes for a guy to heal after a breakup.
The rule of thumb here is: your ex will need approximately the same amount of time he spent with you, to fully get over you.
So if you guys have been together for six months, you can expect him to need six months to let go of you.
And if your relationship lasted five years, he will need about five years to really recover from the breakup.
Our attachments run very deep (deeper than most of us are willing to admit). This is why it takes this long for a man to get over a broken heart.
What’s more, throughout all this transition period, his feelings for you will remain there (at least to some degree).
How Long Does It Take a Guy to Realize He Misses You After a Breakup?
It’s all well and good to realize that he is hurting after the breakup, and that he most likely still loves you.
But, if this is all the case, why did he even do this? Isn’t he heartbroken too? How do guys feel after they break up with someone?
Even though men generally start hurting almost right away after the breakup, the full impact of it doesn’t really hit the male dumper quite as much as it did you.
He is most likely sad and missing you, but he doesn’t feel nearly as hurt and abandoned as you might feel right now.
This is mostly, because he is the one pulling the strings and believes he could get you back anytime, if he changed his mind.
Getting a guy to realize what he just lost is actually trickier than we’re led to believe.
They can be very stubborn and set in their ways. This is why chasing them too much only drives them further away.
At the same time, men are insecure and don’t like losing control over their partner. This is why suddenly rejecting him or blocking him can also seriously backfire.
If you need more help navigating this confusing situation, this is something I can help you with in a coaching call.
I’ll listen to your story and help you make sense of it. This way, you’ll know if you’re just imagining things, or if he truly isn’t over you just yet.
Together we will come up with a plan on what to say and do, to get him to come back to you as soon as possible.
If you’re asking yourself this very question, chances are a man you like hasn’t been giving you much attention lately…
Maybe things were going well initially. You guys had a good rapport, and he was giving you all the right signals.
But then he suddenly became more distant, started taking forever to reply or giving you one word answers.
Maybe things became so bad, it made you wonder: will he even care if I don’t text him anymore?
Guys’ can be so tiresome!
They love playing hard to get, by acting distant and unavailable.
But at the same time, in some cases, their silence and resistance are subtle ways of communicating that they’re not really into you.
In this post, I will help you make sense of men’s strange texting behaviors. I will also give you some tips on how to respond in a way that will make him more interested in you.
But before getting into any more details, let me first give you a one clear answer to your first burning question:
Yes, guys absolutely notice when you stop texting them.
You see, when a man receives a lot of texts from a woman, he knows it’s a sign that she is interested in him.
Deep down, everybody enjoys receiving attention, it’s flattering and makes him feel better about himself.
So when the source of all that validation suddenly vanishes because you stopped chasing him, he will notice it.
Whether he will really care about it or not, that’s a whole different story…
Do Guys Care if You Stop Talking To Them
The answer to this question is pretty straightforward:
A guy who is genuinely interested in you will care if you stop texting him.
Even if you’ve been overtexting him so much so, he was getting slightly annoyed with everything you’ve been needing from him lately.
Still, if he really likes you, he will become at least a little unsettled when you’re suddenly not talking to him anymore.
That’s because deep down he was enjoying it and liked the feeling of having you crush on him so hard.
At the same time, a guy who isn’t interested in you will not really care if you stop talking to him.
Or maybe he has a hard time saying ‘no’ and was just being polite until now.
Either way, a guy who isn’t into you might even feel relieved when you stop chasing him.
Should I Stop Texting Him to Get His Attention?
Now you know that guys do notice when you stop texting them. You also know that them caring about it fully depends on whether they like you or not.
This is where we can start discussing how to play this out strategically, so that you can get him to respond and pay attention to you.
So does not texting a guy back make him want you more?
You can probably guess the answer to this one already.
A guy who just isn’t into you is not going to want you more when you don’t text him back.
He doesn’t really care and isn’t seriously interested, so you not replying isn’t going to change this and suddenly get his attention.
It’s a lost cause and a waste of time. Best just move on.
A guy who is interested in you, on the other hand, he will definitely feel unsettled when you don’t text him back.
After all, he was enjoying having you around and giving him all the validation.
So when the source of all those good feelings vanishes out of the blue because you stopped texting him, that will get his attention.
He will start worrying if you changed your mind about him and is going to try to do something to get you hooked again.
There is one exception to this rule, though.
Things might work a little different if the guy you’re dating is emotionally unavailable.
These kinds of men have an extra hard time showing their true feelings and risking getting hurt.
They might take you not texting them as a rejection, and only pull away more as a result of it. They will feel insecure, believe you don’t really care and that you are anyway better off without them.
You need to stop chasing him, in order to see where he truly stands. If he cares about you, he will miss you and reach out.
If he doesn’t, you won’t hear from him for a while.
Beware, he might get back in touch with you a few weeks or even months further down the line and pretend as though the falling out never happened. Ghosters do have the tendency to come back.
But there is no point for you to waste your time on someone who isn’t serious and wants to just drop in and out of your life, no strings attached and no explanation.
You deserve so much more than this! Plus, your time will be better spend finding the right guy instead.
I Stopped Texting Him and Haven’t Heard From Him
I know that being so clear and decisive is much easier said than done.
Maybe things felt really special between you and this guy, so much so, you even wonder:
So if you stopped texting a guy, and you haven’t heard from him, that’s most likely a sign that he isn’t really serious about you.
It takes a certain degree of maturity to really commit and build a happy relationship.
A lot of people out there just aren’t there yet.
Maybe he did like you, but isn’t mature enough to really let you in and put in the work…
But if you really want to make sure you gave this relationship all you’ve got, you can always wait a little, then get back in touch with him to see if he is more responsive or not.
Sometimes, just giving him space isn’t enough to get a guy to make more effort. You have to drag him out of his hole afterwards, too!
But if you try again and still he either takes forever to reply, gives you one word answers or doesn’t respond at all, that’s a definite sign for you to just move on onto something better.
If after reading all this, you still feel unsure about your situation, this is something I could help you figure out in a coaching call.
Here you could tell me more about what happened between the two of you and how it came to this. Then together we would come up with other things you can do to get his attention and make him want you more.
This way, you can be absolutely certain that you did all you could to save your relationship.
But in the first years of our relationship when I broke up with her, I was SO PRETENDING to be over her.
Even to myself.
But the truth was that I really didn’t want her to move on.
So if you think your ex is pretending to be over you, look out for the following signs to know for sure:
7 Signs Your Ex Is Pretending to Be Over You
1. Your Ex Stays in Touch With You
They tell you, “It’s over, we broke up.” -But then make sure you’re not losing contact?
They might even say things like “I want us to be friends”. These are all typical behaviors that are meant to just keep up appearances.
Whether it’s over calls, texts, email or any other form of communication.
Staying in touch is a way of keeping tabs on you to assure themselves that you’re STILL attached to them.
2. Your Ex Expresses Anger About Your Breakup
If your ex openly shows you that they’re upset or angry about your relationship ending, it’s a sign that your ex is bitter and that they’re only pretending to be over you so that you come chasing after them.
Because if they were truly moving on, they would pack up their emotions too and move them to the next relationship.
Your ex expressing their frustration is them still desperately hoping they can mend things with you.
That you’ll finally be able to give them what they needed, so the breakup can be undone.
3. Your Ex Still Meets You
This was a signature move of mine when I broke up with Karolina.
“Yeah, we’re totally broken up, but do you want to meet for a coffee tomorrow?”
It’s a common behavior with an ex that is pretending to be over you.
They’ll insist that you’re not longer an item, but will want to hang out and do things as though you were still together.
And yes, you are right. It makes absolutely NO SENSE.
So count this as another sign.
4. Your Ex Is Interested in Who You’re Meeting
“Oh, you have plans? Who’s coming? Someone I don’t know? What do you mean, they asked for your number?”
These are all signs that they are still jealous and trying to make sure that you don’t move on.
So if they’re taking keen interest in knowing what’s happening in your social life, consider it another sign that your ex is only pretending to be over you, but just won’t admit it.
5. Your Ex Reacts on Your Social Media
Another one of the telltale signs of your ex thinking about you, is that they react on your social media accounts.
I mean, think about it, if they were over you, they wouldn’t be giving you attention and showing that they care about what’s going on in your life online.
They would be busy, moving on and trying to limit all contact with you.
But if your ex is sending you snaps, liking or commenting on your posts, they’re clearly only pretending to be over you, and it’s a definite way to know that your ex STILL CARES.
6. Your Ex Flirts With You
Another typical thing an ex does when they’re only pretending to be over you is FLIRTING.
I did the same with Karolina. Sending flirty texts and saying things to make her laugh and blush. So that she wouldn’t get tangled up with someone else.
Even though I was the one who ended things and didn’t want to get back together, I was still trying to keep her interested in me this way.
So pay less attention to what your ex is saying and more to what they’re DOING.
And if they’re flirting with you, it’s a way of knowing that your ex is trying to get your attention and that they’re definitely just pretending to be over you.
7. Your Ex Makes Sure You Still Have Some of Each Others Things
They may ask for certain things back and insist that you take some of your stuff from their place.
But if they’re holding onto (or insisting you keep) a few items that are meaningful to them, then this is another sign your ex is only pretending to be over you.
Because this is a great way of ensuring your connection remains and isn’t entirely severed.
JUST IN CASE, your ex changes their mind, and they want to get back together with you.
Questions You Might Have About Your Ex
Breakups are confusing, even after reading this post, you might be left feeling dazzled.
(Who wouldn’t after all the mixed messages and signs from an ex?)
But if you still have unanswered questions, maybe you’ll find the following helpful.
I’ve collected and listed the questions we receive the most frequently from you guys online and in our comments, emails and coaching calls.
So I hope these give you some answers.
How do you know if your ex secretly wants you back?
It’s always tricky to know if your ex has truly moved on and is gone for good, or if they secretly want you back.
Some ways to know is that they’ll respond to your texts right away and tell you that they miss you.
If you feel that you’ve tried everything in your power to make things work with them, but they constantly reject and ignore you, it’s likely time to give up on your ex.
Also, it’ll be doing you more harm than good, and you don’t need to put yourself through that any longer.
Time and space will help you clear your head and mend your heart.
When a relationship is really over, sometimes that kind of break helps both people want to give it another shot further down the line.
How do you know if your ex is testing you?
Some ways to tell if your ex regrets breaking up with you and is just testing you is that they won’t reach out for a few days to see what you do.
They’ll also indirectly pursue you, without wanting to commit.What’s important is to watch out for the additional signs of your ex testing you and know how to pass them!
Now, if you really want to make sure everything goes according to plan so that you get your ex back, you might be interested in our 1-1 coaching calls.
In a call, you’ll be able to tell us yours and your exes story and based on that we’ll create a strategy for you to get them back that specifically targets their weakness for you.
Blocking a guy will almost always have a very significant impact on him.But whether it’s the kind of effect you’re hoping to achieve is another question…
Here I want to take a moment to share a very important message with you guys.
I know that no-contact rule is a very popular method of getting your ex back, and that blocking him is often recommended as a part of it.
The thing is, hundreds of women shared their stories with us in our comments section, emails and in coaching sessions, and not a single one of them successfully got her ex-boyfriend back by blocking him.
What’s more, it can seriously backfire and might even completely sabotage your chances for getting him to want to talk to you again.
With this post, I want to explain why blocking a guy is such a risky step and how exactly it can unfold.
The best way to do that is by first describing the 5 things a guy will feel when he realizes you blocked him:
1. He Will Feel Hurt About You Blocking Him
First and foremost, a guy will feel hurt when he realizes you blocked him. Blocking someone or even unfriending them on social media is an act of active rejection.
And being rejected HURTS.
When a person he cares about is the one rejecting him, it will hurt him even more.
So be careful when you decide to do it, because it will have some very serious implications for this relationship. I’ll explain this more in detail later on in this post.
2. He Will Feel Confused as to Why You Did It
If you think that the act of blocking a guy will finally make it clear to him how he’s been hurting you, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news here…
…that’s not what’ll happen.
Hardly anybody ever hurts other people on purpose.
But if you’re on the verge of blocking him, chances are he has been blind to your pain for a while now.
In situations like this, if he’s been treating you badly in any way, shape or form, he most likely doesn’t realize he has been doing it.
Maybe he is blind to his own behavior. Perhaps he considers it normal and even good.
Either way, he doesn’t know he was doing something wrong, and the simple act of blocking him will not make him see it.
On the contrary, when he realizes you blocked him, he will remain confused as to why you took this step and will most likely rationalize it as you being unreasonable or overreacting.
3. He Will Feel Mad About It
Now you know that in most cases, a guy won’t understand why you blocked him.
But he will feel hurt and rejected by you putting him through this.
I know this might be extremely frustrating to hear. After all, he is the one who has been hurting you this whole time. Unfortunately, he doesn’t see things your way…
No matter how unfair his reaction might seem to you, he will most likely just feel mad at you for putting him through this.
4. He Will Feel Sad That You Blocked Him
Maybe that headline gave you some comfort.
Finally, some reaction related to what you’ve been hoping to achieve!
Well, don’t get your hopes up just yet. It’s not what you think.
Yes, he will feel sad about losing you, and he will miss you. He might even reflect on some of his behaviors he knows were wrong.
But all that sadness will be heavily overshadowed by his wounded pride and shattered ego.
You see, most people don’t respond well to rejection.
Especially men, who are often spoiled by women endlessly chasing them and trying to get through their walls of emotional unavailability.
Because of this, rather than reflecting on his own mistakes and the role he played in making this happen, he will feel sad that you didn’t really love him and regretful that you didn’t care about him more.
5. He Will Feel Resentful Towards You for Blocking Him
I can imagine that by now you feel like things can’t possibly get any worse. How is it possible that we would be so thick and self-centered!
The thing is, rejection often brings up the worst in us.
All the grudges and sulking are his self-defense mechanisms. It’s his way of protecting himself from feeling broken and undesirable.
I know this probably doesn’t feel fair towards you at all. And It isn’t! It’s all just his emotional reactions.
So let’s finally get to the end of this unpleasant and most likely utterly disappointing journey…
Once his initial response has finally cooled off a little, it’s going to make way for some deeper and more long-lasting feelings.
So, because he doesn’t understand your reasons for blocking him, he will most likely resent you for rejecting him this way.
But, unlike all the other feelings that might subside and vanish with time, this one is here to stay.
Even if you guys get back together after you’ve blocked him, his resentment remains an unresolved issue between the two of you.
Now that you know how a guy feels when you block him, let’s talk about the other side of the story.
What are you feeling, and where are you coming from?
So, there are two main reasons why women decide to block a guy they once cared about:
1. They had enough and are genuinely wanting to move on from this relationship.
2. They want to make him care and get him to come back.
In both of these cases, blocking tends to have the opposite effect of what the person doing it is trying to achieve.
I know, this must be frustrating to hear, but let me explain…
If you want to genuinely move on from a relationship, chances are you’ve already been distancing yourself from your ex.
So when you block him, he knows that you mean it.
This is why it might actually make him panic and scramble.
He will likely try to reach you through other channels to explain himself. He might even plead and do everything he can to convince you to change your mind.
But if you’re blocking him in order to get him back after he broke up with you or ignored you, chances are you’ve been chasing him and trying to get through to him prior to this step.
That’s why he will suspect that you’re blocking him for an effect.
In this case, he will most likely act as though he doesn’t care and won’t try to contact you.
Will He Miss Me if I Block Him
Now, that you get the general picture of all the psychological effects blocking has on a guy, I want to address some common questions you guys have asked me in your comments and in our coaching calls:
Will he miss me if I block him?
Will he reach out if I block him?
Should I block him to get him back?
The thing is, our intentions come through in our actions and choices we make.
That’s how a guy will know where you’re coming from when you’re blocking him, and whether you really mean it or not.
So again, if you do genuinely want to move on, he will miss you if you block him, he will most likely try to reach out and will try to get you back.
But, if you’re only doing it in order to get him to care and get back together with you, it will probably backfire.
He will remain distant and cold, he will pretend he doesn’t care and won’t contact you.
Should I Block Him or Just Ignore Him?
I imagine you’re pretty disappointed after reading all of this. But I want to finally offer you some reassurance.
There is a way to play this out so that you can get your point across!
If your intentions are to actually get him to care about you again, simply ignoring him might be a much safer bet.
If you want to move on from a guy, blocking him will make it easier for you to do so.
Blocking someone does help you get over them.
You won’t have to wonder if he will reach out or not. You’ve made up your mind and closed that chapter yourself.
It’s over and done with.
By blocking him, you’ll be sending him a very strong message that you’re not interested anymore.
Even though he might rebel against it in the beginning, try to find other ways to contact you and get you to reconsider your position. All you have to do is stay strong and don’t let him override your boundaries.
He will get the message eventually and will leave you alone.
Don’t worry about being rude towards him.
Especially if you’re blocking him because he hurt you.
Yes, blocking someone is a bit rude, but so is hurting a person.
You have every right to set boundaries and defend yourself in whichever way works for you. You have to put yourself first, it’s ok to do so!
Conclusion
If you’re considering blocking a guy or even just unfriending him, you’re most likely hurt about something he did or the way he’s been treating you.
You’re probably hoping that going to these lengths will finally make him understand you and why you’re doing this.
Unfortunately, blocking someone tends to have the opposite of the desired effect.
If you’re hoping to get him to come back this way, beware, it will only most likely push him further away.
And if you’re trying to move on and are doing it to make it clear to him that you’re over him, prepare yourself for his initial resistance.
Regardless of where you’re coming from and what you’re hoping to achieve by blocking him, know that he will feel hurt, confused, mad, sad and resentful towards you.
It will have a long term implication on your relationship, so don’t take this lightly and really think it through before doing it.
At the same time, there is no need to wait or worry about being rude towards him.
It’s ok to block a guy to protect yourself from him hurting you again!
If you need more help with figuring out your situation, if there is a chance to get him back, or if it’s better for you to just move on, this is something I can help you with in a coaching call.
Here, I’ll listen to your story and will help you make sense of your ex’s mixed messages and confusing behaviors.
I’ll also give you tips on what to do, to actually get him to do what you want.
If you’re wondering how to stop caring about someone, I won’t lie, your situation is a difficult one.
Because chances are, you love them and care about them, but they don’t love and care about you the same way.
They may literally have said some of these words to you:
“I just don’t feel that way about you.”
“I think of you as a friend.”
“You should totally go out with him/her.”
So it makes sense that you’re wondering whether you can get over someone you love.
Because it HURTS to love someone who doesn’t love you back.
And every interaction with them is a painful reminder of that!
When you finally reach a point when it hurts too much to continue loving them, then you understandably want to try to forget them.
And that’s what I’m going to help you with in this post.
How Do You Stop Caring About Someone Who Doesn’t Love You?
It’s a heart-wrenching experience.
On the one hand, you care about them, but you know it’s probably time to let go.
But the idea of letting go can feel disrespectful towards the love you feel for them and ultimately yourself. (since these are YOUR valid feelings after all!)
So just to reassure you before we talk about how you can unlove someone.
Doing this process DOES NOT invalidate you or your feelings.
It just means you’ve reached a point where it’s hurting you more than it’s fulfilling you.
So you understandably want to try a different approach.
This is the 7-Step journey to stop caring about someone when you’re in love.
1. Acknowledge That It’s Hurting You
When you’re overwhelmed with how good it feels to be in love or infatuated with someone, it can be incredibly mesmerizing.
It’s like a perfect place that you could stay in FOREVER.
The fantasy alone of being with this person can make you feel safe and like you belong.
So it only makes sense that you’d want it to be real.
But the fact of the matter is, you’re here now, because they’re hurting you more than they’re giving you.
And if you haven’t yet, it’s important to acknowledge that sooner than later.
Because as wonderful as the fantasy may be…
When you’re stuck in a position of endlessly caring about them, and their love is repeatedly denied, it takes its toll on you.
It hurts you and can chip away at your self-worth.
So, if you’ve been pining after them and caring for over a few months and nothing has come of it…
Then know it’s likely hurting you more and it’s time to stop and move on.
2. Don’t Let Them Rule You
The next step is to understand that when you’re stuck in a PATTERN of loving and caring for them, and they repeatedly ignore, dismiss or reject your advances…
…You’re giving them A LOT of POWER.
Now, they may or may not abuse your love and care, but either way it’s not a balanced or healthy dynamic to be in.
It’s all well and good to pine after someone you love as both sides figure things out in a month or so.
You’re a fully fledged human being, with your very own unique presence, talents, and are clearly someone who is caring and willing to put a lot of effort into making love work.
And that shouldn’t be wasted on someone who is too blind to see the wonderful person that stands before them!
Again. You deserve better.
Conclusion
So can you forget someone you love?
Yes, you absolutely can forget someone you love and even should if they’re not reciprocating your love.
And if you’re wondering, how do you move on when you still love someone?
The answer is, when you work through the 7 steps we mentioned above, you will gradually fall out of love with them and in love with a new person.
Because there are truly plenty of fish in the sea.
And if you’re feeling a little lost right now, don’t worry, it will get better with time.
As to how long it takes to get over someone.
It may not seem like it when you’re in the midst of it all. But give yourself a few months and you’ll have stopped caring about them and will feel great again.
Yes, they may have been amazing and all, but you know who’s more amazing?
Yeah, that’s right, the strong person reading this post right now.
Give yourself enough time and company, and you’ll be surprised at your own strength and how many people DO actually value care for what you have to offer.
And if you want help processing any of this, you might find our one-on-one coaching calls helpful.In a call we’ll be able to get into the details of how exactly to stop caring about someone who doesn’t care about you. And give the you right tools and mindset to attract people who will return your love.
Otherwise, if you find yourself stuck in a cycle of choosing the wrong person, you might want to read Karolinas’ post How to Finally Find the Right Guy.
For now, if you have any questions, please drop them down below and I’ll get back to you!
Do you feel like your ex has been testing you lately? First, they wanted to break up, but now something about their behavior seems very confusing.
It’s as though they keep on sending you covert messages…
No, you’re not imagining it!
Most breakups are not final. When somebody says they want to break up, they rarely ever fully mean it.
That’s why exes will often test you after the breakup. It’s to see if they made the right choice or not. It’s also them giving you chances to prove them wrong.
Before jumping into the signs your ex is testing you, I’ll first go more into details on why people do this.
Understanding your ex-boyfriend’s or ex-girlfriend’s motives will make it easier for you to fully read and understand their behavior.
Why Is Your Ex Is Testing You
There are three big reasons why people play mind games and send mixed or covert messages to their ex-partners.
Some of them have to do with you, while others might be almost entirely unrelated to your relationship or you as a person.
They Are Testing You to See if They Can Trust You
Trust is a huge component of any relationship. It’s something that is very painful to lose. I know this might seem counter-intuitive: why would my ex care about trusting me if they wanted to break up?
But like I said, breakups are almost never the end of a relationship. Feelings you might have for each other can’t just vanish from one day onto the next.
That’s why your ex might be testing to check if they can still trust you, despite the breakup.
Your Ex Is Testing You to See if You Still Care About Them
This is something that’s likely also pretty confusing to hear.
Why would your ex worry about you not caring about him or her anymore, after wanting to break up?
The thing is, emotions are not logical.
Your ex is likely still attached to you and would like to believe that the same is true about you.
They Are Testing You to Figure Out What They Actually Want
People like to present themselves as confident and decisive. This is especially true for men.
They often feel pressured to act as though they had it all figured out and knew exactly what they want.
The truth is. Nobody really knows what they’re doing. Especially when it comes to love and feelings!
Chances are, your ex testing you is just their own attempt at figuring out what it is that they truly want from you.
Signs Your Ex Is Testing You and How to Respond to Each of Them
Now that you know why your ex is acting this way, it’ll be easier for you to wrap your head around their odd behavior and read between the lines.
I know personally how frustrating and confusing these kinds of situations can be.
My now husband and I broke up three times in the first two years of our relationship. When we were broken up, he also gave me all sorts of mixed messages.
That’s how I also know that receiving these kinds of vague hints from them will inevitably make you feel a little excited and hopeful.
This is why it’s so important that you’re able to read their signs correctly and respond accordingly.
1. Your Ex Doesn’t Reach Out for a Few Days
The first days after a breakup are always the toughest.
It’s hard to go from interacting with someone on a daily basis, to next to no contact from one day onto the next.
Maybe you’ve been struggling with this lately. Your ex either stopped reaching out to you or maybe they stopped replying to you.
They are likely checking if they can trust you to respect their boundaries and give them the space they might have asked for.
Your ex might also be testing you to see how long you can last before contacting them.
Either way, it’s normal and healthy to take some time for yourself after a breakup.
Give them a week to get back to you, if they don’t check in by then, reach out to see what’s going on.
2. They Ask About Your Love Life
There is nothing more painful than have your ex nonchalantly ask about your love life.
Yet, this is something that happens a lot. Many of our coaching clients end up feeling hurt and confused because their ex made them feel like they wanted them to move on.
The thing is, when a person is really scared of something, they often try to play it down and pretend that they’re cool with it.
Well, this is exactly what your ex is doing when they’re asking you about your love life.
On one hand, they are testing you to see if they can trust you to stay attached.
And on the other hand, they’re provoking you to show them that you still care.
It’s a bluff, and it’s important that you take it as that.
Also, they just provided you with a great opportunity to make them jealous, so be sure to use it…
3. They Act Out of Character
Another classic way how exes test their partners is by acting out as if they were a rebellious teenager.
This might include things like changing their style, cutting their hair, getting piercings, going out, smoking, drinking or even screaming and shouting. Basically any action and behavior that is meant to test your patience and provoke you.
If your ex has been putting you through something like this lately, know it’s a sign they are testing you and trying to get your attention.
They want to see if you’ll try to step in and take their freedom away from them.
They’re also likely going through some sort of personality crisis and are figuring out who they truly are and what they want.
If this is your case, it’s important that you don’t react and don’t let them provoke you.
Or maybe they’re very hurt about something you might have said or did.
Either way, don’t let them drag you into a pointless fight.
Try to read between the lines. They most likely just need you to listen and understand them.
5. They Reach Out to You via Social Media
Has your ex been ignoring you lately, but at the same time you get a feeling that whenever they post something on social media, it’s directed towards you?
Well, that’s because it is.
Your ex is fully aware that you follow them and see their posts.
So if they have been posting quotes, songs or photos that really got to you, keep in mind they did it on purpose.
Maybe, for whatever reason, they felt like they can’t communicate these things directly. So they try to get your attention this way.
This is a sign your ex is testing you to see if you get their message and will respond.
6. They Try to Make You Jealous
Jealousy is one of our strongest drives, that’s why it can be used to manipulate us fairly easily.
If your ex acting in ways that made you jealous lately, know it’s a sign they are testing you and trying to get your attention.
I know this might be counterintuitive. Maybe in your head it means that they’re wanting to move on…
But if your ex truly was over you, they wouldn’t resort to playing these kinds of mind games. If anything, they’d keep their distance and try to avoid any further drama.
So don’t play cool. Show them your true feelings, but also make sure to set boundaries and not let them play with your heart this way.
7. Your Ex Is Pursuing You but Doesn’t Want to Commit
Last but not least, one of the most common signs that your ex is testing you is the hot and cold behavior:
They have phases of wanting to see you every minute of every day.
Your ex’s behavior might make you feel frustrated and confused. Every time they withdraw, you’re worrying if it’s because of something you did.
Just so that you know, this kind of hot and cold behavior has likely more to do with ex’s commitment issues than it does with you.
Something is standing in the way of them officially getting back together with you.
The best way to respond in this situation is to, on one hand, talk about whatever doubts your ex might be having that are preventing them from wanting to commit to you again.
And on the other hand, you also have to make it clear that you’re not going to wait for them forever.
How to Pass All the Tests and Make Your Ex Fall in Love Again
Now you know how to recognize if your ex is testing you and why they’re doing it.
Ultimately, passing their tests is the only way to get them to trust you and want to get back together.
Each situation requires a different set of responses. However, there are some rules that will work for all of them:
Firstly, don’t panic. Acting impulsively might lead you to doing things that will only sabotage all your chances.
So, try your best to keep your emotions in check.
There is no rush. Your ex’s feelings for you will not vanish any time soon.
Secondly, be patient and understanding. I know this is easier said than done, but keep in mind, this attitude will give you the results you’re hoping for the fastest.
And last but not least, don’t try to bottle it all up and try to deal with everything all by yourself. Talk to your friends, trusted family members. Find outlets and express your feelings and frustrations.
If you feel like you’d benefit from some additional support with passing all your ex’s tests, that something I can help you with in a coaching call.
Here, I’ll carefully listen and help you make sense of their behavior.
We’ll also make a plan on how to respond and what to do to get your ex to fall in love with you again.
We always believed that relationships should be FUN and uplifting! And we were obsessed with finding real-world practical solutions for our relationship problems. Today we help others do the same with our blog.
