So if you stopped texting a guy, and you haven’t heard from him, that’s most likely a sign that he isn’t really serious about you.
It takes a certain degree of maturity to really commit and build a happy relationship.
A lot of people out there just aren’t there yet.
Maybe he did like you, but isn’t mature enough to really let you in and put in the work…
But if you really want to make sure you gave this relationship all you’ve got, you can always wait a little, then get back in touch with him to see if he is more responsive or not.
Sometimes, just giving him space isn’t enough to get a guy to make more effort. You have to drag him out of his hole afterwards, too!
But if you try again and still he either takes forever to reply, gives you one word answers or doesn’t respond at all, that’s a definite sign for you to just move on onto something better.
If after reading all this, you still feel unsure about your situation, this is something I could help you figure out in a coaching call.
Here you could tell me more about what happened between the two of you and how it came to this. Then together we would come up with other things you can do to get his attention and make him want you more.
This way, you can be absolutely certain that you did all you could to save your relationship.
But in the first years of our relationship when I broke up with her, I was SO PRETENDING to be over her.
Even to myself.
But the truth was that I really didn’t want her to move on.
So if you think your ex is pretending to be over you, look out for the following signs to know for sure:
7 Signs Your Ex Is Pretending to Be Over You
1. Your Ex Stays in Touch With You
They tell you, “It’s over, we broke up.” -But then make sure you’re not losing contact?
They might even say things like “I want us to be friends”. These are all typical behaviors that are meant to just keep up appearances.
Whether it’s over calls, texts, email or any other form of communication.
Staying in touch is a way of keeping tabs on you to assure themselves that you’re STILL attached to them.
2. Your Ex Expresses Anger About Your Breakup
If your ex openly shows you that they’re upset or angry about your relationship ending, it’s a sign that your ex is bitter and that they’re only pretending to be over you so that you come chasing after them.
Because if they were truly moving on, they would pack up their emotions too and move them to the next relationship.
Your ex expressing their frustration is them still desperately hoping they can mend things with you.
That you’ll finally be able to give them what they needed, so the breakup can be undone.
3. Your Ex Still Meets You
This was a signature move of mine when I broke up with Karolina.
“Yeah, we’re totally broken up, but do you want to meet for a coffee tomorrow?”
It’s a common behavior with an ex that is pretending to be over you.
They’ll insist that you’re not longer an item, but will want to hang out and do things as though you were still together.
And yes, you are right. It makes absolutely NO SENSE.
So count this as another sign.
4. Your Ex Is Interested in Who You’re Meeting
“Oh, you have plans? Who’s coming? Someone I don’t know? What do you mean, they asked for your number?”
These are all signs that they are still jealous and trying to make sure that you don’t move on.
So if they’re taking keen interest in knowing what’s happening in your social life, consider it another sign that your ex is only pretending to be over you, but just won’t admit it.
5. Your Ex Reacts on Your Social Media
Another one of the telltale signs of your ex thinking about you, is that they react on your social media accounts.
I mean, think about it, if they were over you, they wouldn’t be giving you attention and showing that they care about what’s going on in your life online.
They would be busy, moving on and trying to limit all contact with you.
But if your ex is sending you snaps, liking or commenting on your posts, they’re clearly only pretending to be over you, and it’s a definite way to know that your ex STILL CARES.
6. Your Ex Flirts With You
Another typical thing an ex does when they’re only pretending to be over you is FLIRTING.
I did the same with Karolina. Sending flirty texts and saying things to make her laugh and blush. So that she wouldn’t get tangled up with someone else.
Even though I was the one who ended things and didn’t want to get back together, I was still trying to keep her interested in me this way.
So pay less attention to what your ex is saying and more to what they’re DOING.
And if they’re flirting with you, it’s a way of knowing that your ex is trying to get your attention and that they’re definitely just pretending to be over you.
7. Your Ex Makes Sure You Still Have Some of Each Others Things
They may ask for certain things back and insist that you take some of your stuff from their place.
But if they’re holding onto (or insisting you keep) a few items that are meaningful to them, then this is another sign your ex is only pretending to be over you.
Because this is a great way of ensuring your connection remains and isn’t entirely severed.
JUST IN CASE, your ex changes their mind, and they want to get back together with you.
Questions You Might Have About Your Ex
Breakups are confusing, even after reading this post, you might be left feeling dazzled.
(Who wouldn’t after all the mixed messages and signs from an ex?)
But if you still have unanswered questions, maybe you’ll find the following helpful.
I’ve collected and listed the questions we receive the most frequently from you guys online and in our comments, emails and coaching calls.
So I hope these give you some answers.
How do you know if your ex secretly wants you back?
It’s always tricky to know if your ex has truly moved on and is gone for good, or if they secretly want you back.
Some ways to know is that they’ll respond to your texts right away and tell you that they miss you.
Blocking a guy will almost always have a very significant impact on him.But whether it’s the kind of effect you’re hoping to achieve is another question…
Here I want to take a moment to share a very important message with you guys.
I know that no-contact rule is a very popular method of getting your ex back, and that blocking him is often recommended as a part of it.
The thing is, hundreds of women shared their stories with us in our comments section, emails and in coaching sessions, and not a single one of them successfully got her ex-boyfriend back by blocking him.
What’s more, it can seriously backfire and might even completely sabotage your chances for getting him to want to talk to you again.
With this post, I want to explain why blocking a guy is such a risky step and how exactly it can unfold.
The best way to do that is by first describing the 5 things a guy will feel when he realizes you blocked him:
1. He Will Feel Hurt About You Blocking Him
First and foremost, a guy will feel hurt when he realizes you blocked him. Blocking someone or even unfriending them on social media is an act of active rejection.
And being rejected HURTS.
When a person he cares about is the one rejecting him, it will hurt him even more.
So be careful when you decide to do it, because it will have some very serious implications for this relationship. I’ll explain this more in detail later on in this post.
2. He Will Feel Confused as to Why You Did It
If you think that the act of blocking a guy will finally make it clear to him how he’s been hurting you, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news here…
…that’s not what’ll happen.
Hardly anybody ever hurts other people on purpose.
But if you’re on the verge of blocking him, chances are he has been blind to your pain for a while now.
In situations like this, if he’s been treating you badly in any way, shape or form, he most likely doesn’t realize he has been doing it.
Maybe he is blind to his own behavior. Perhaps he considers it normal and even good.
Either way, he doesn’t know he was doing something wrong, and the simple act of blocking him will not make him see it.
On the contrary, when he realizes you blocked him, he will remain confused as to why you took this step and will most likely rationalize it as you being unreasonable or overreacting.
3. He Will Feel Mad About It
Now you know that in most cases, a guy won’t understand why you blocked him.
But he will feel hurt and rejected by you putting him through this.
I know this might be extremely frustrating to hear. After all, he is the one who has been hurting you this whole time. Unfortunately, he doesn’t see things your way…
No matter how unfair his reaction might seem to you, he will most likely just feel mad at you for putting him through this.
4. He Will Feel Sad That You Blocked Him
Maybe that headline gave you some comfort.
Finally, some reaction related to what you’ve been hoping to achieve!
Well, don’t get your hopes up just yet. It’s not what you think.
Yes, he will feel sad about losing you, and he will miss you. He might even reflect on some of his behaviors he knows were wrong.
But all that sadness will be heavily overshadowed by his wounded pride and shattered ego.
You see, most people don’t respond well to rejection.
Especially men, who are often spoiled by women endlessly chasing them and trying to get through their walls of emotional unavailability.
Because of this, rather than reflecting on his own mistakes and the role he played in making this happen, he will feel sad that you didn’t really love him and regretful that you didn’t care about him more.
5. He Will Feel Resentful Towards You for Blocking Him
I can imagine that by now you feel like things can’t possibly get any worse. How is it possible that we would be so thick and self-centered!
The thing is, rejection often brings up the worst in us.
All the grudges and sulking are his self-defense mechanisms. It’s his way of protecting himself from feeling broken and undesirable.
I know this probably doesn’t feel fair towards you at all. And It isn’t! It’s all just his emotional reactions.
So let’s finally get to the end of this unpleasant and most likely utterly disappointing journey…
Once his initial response has finally cooled off a little, it’s going to make way for some deeper and more long-lasting feelings.
So, because he doesn’t understand your reasons for blocking him, he will most likely resent you for rejecting him this way.
But, unlike all the other feelings that might subside and vanish with time, this one is here to stay.
Even if you guys get back together after you’ve blocked him, his resentment remains an unresolved issue between the two of you.
If you want to move on from a guy, blocking him will make it easier for you to do so.
Blocking someone does help you get over them.
You won’t have to wonder if he will reach out or not. You’ve made up your mind and closed that chapter yourself.
It’s over and done with.
By blocking him, you’ll be sending him a very strong message that you’re not interested anymore.
Even though he might rebel against it in the beginning, try to find other ways to contact you and get you to reconsider your position. All you have to do is stay strong and don’t let him override your boundaries.
He will get the message eventually and will leave you alone.
Don’t worry about being rude towards him.
Especially if you’re blocking him because he hurt you.
Yes, blocking someone is a bit rude, but so is hurting a person.
You have every right to set boundaries and defend yourself in whichever way works for you. You have to put yourself first, it’s ok to do so!
If you’re considering blocking a guy or even just unfriending him, you’re most likely hurt about something he did or the way he’s been treating you.
You’re probably hoping that going to these lengths will finally make him understand you and why you’re doing this.
Unfortunately, blocking someone tends to have the opposite of the desired effect.
If you’re hoping to get him to come back this way, beware, it will only most likely push him further away.
And if you’re trying to move on and are doing it to make it clear to him that you’re over him, prepare yourself for his initial resistance.
Regardless of where you’re coming from and what you’re hoping to achieve by blocking him, know that he will feel hurt, confused, mad, sad and resentful towards you.
It will have a long term implication on your relationship, so don’t take this lightly and really think it through before doing it.
At the same time, there is no need to wait or worry about being rude towards him.
It’s ok to block a guy to protect yourself from him hurting you again!
If you need more help with figuring out your situation, if there is a chance to get him back, or if it’s better for you to just move on, this is something I can help you with in a coaching call.
Here, I’ll listen to your story and will help you make sense of your ex’s mixed messages and confusing behaviors.
I’ll also give you tips on what to do, to actually get him to do what you want.
You’re a fully fledged human being, with your very own unique presence, talents, and are clearly someone who is caring and willing to put a lot of effort into making love work.
And that shouldn’t be wasted on someone who is too blind to see the wonderful person that stands before them!
Again. You deserve better.
So can you forget someone you love?
Yes, you absolutely can forget someone you love and even should if they’re not reciprocating your love.
And if you’re wondering, how do you move on when you still love someone?
The answer is, when you work through the 7 steps we mentioned above, you will gradually fall out of love with them and in love with a new person.
Because there are truly plenty of fish in the sea.
And if you’re feeling a little lost right now, don’t worry, it will get better with time.
As to how long it takes to get over someone.
It may not seem like it when you’re in the midst of it all. But give yourself a few months and you’ll have stopped caring about them and will feel great again.
Yes, they may have been amazing and all, but you know who’s more amazing?
Yeah, that’s right, the strong person reading this post right now.
Give yourself enough time and company, and you’ll be surprised at your own strength and how many people DO actually value care for what you have to offer.
And if you want help processing any of this, you might find our one-on-one coaching calls helpful.In a call we’ll be able to get into the details of how exactly to stop caring about someone who doesn’t care about you. And give the you right tools and mindset to attract people who will return your love.
They are likely checking if they can trust you to respect their boundaries and give them the space they might have asked for.
Your ex might also be testing you to see how long you can last before contacting them.
Either way, it’s normal and healthy to take some time for yourself after a breakup.
Give them a week to get back to you, if they don’t check in by then, reach out to see what’s going on.
2. They Ask About Your Love Life
There is nothing more painful than have your ex nonchalantly ask about your love life.
Yet, this is something that happens a lot. Many of our coaching clients end up feeling hurt and confused because their ex made them feel like they wanted them to move on.
The thing is, when a person is really scared of something, they often try to play it down and pretend that they’re cool with it.
Well, this is exactly what your ex is doing when they’re asking you about your love life.
On one hand, they are testing you to see if they can trust you to stay attached.
And on the other hand, they’re provoking you to show them that you still care.
It’s a bluff, and it’s important that you take it as that.
Also, they just provided you with a great opportunity to make them jealous, so be sure to use it…
3. They Act Out of Character
Another classic way how exes test their partners is by acting out as if they were a rebellious teenager.
This might include things like changing their style, cutting their hair, getting piercings, going out, smoking, drinking or even screaming and shouting. Basically any action and behavior that is meant to test your patience and provoke you.
If your ex has been putting you through something like this lately, know it’s a sign they are testing you and trying to get your attention.
They want to see if you’ll try to step in and take their freedom away from them.
They’re also likely going through some sort of personality crisis and are figuring out who they truly are and what they want.
If this is your case, it’s important that you don’t react and don’t let them provoke you.
Your ex’s behavior might make you feel frustrated and confused. Every time they withdraw, you’re worrying if it’s because of something you did.
Just so that you know, this kind of hot and cold behavior has likely more to do with ex’s commitment issues than it does with you.
Something is standing in the way of them officially getting back together with you.
The best way to respond in this situation is to, on one hand, talk about whatever doubts your ex might be having that are preventing them from wanting to commit to you again.
And on the other hand, you also have to make it clear that you’re not going to wait for them forever.
How to Pass All the Tests and Make Your Ex Fall in Love Again
Now you know how to recognize if your ex is testing you and why they’re doing it.
Ultimately, passing their tests is the only way to get them to trust you and want to get back together.
Each situation requires a different set of responses. However, there are some rules that will work for all of them:
Firstly, don’t panic. Acting impulsively might lead you to doing things that will only sabotage all your chances.
So, try your best to keep your emotions in check.
There is no rush. Your ex’s feelings for you will not vanish any time soon.
Secondly, be patient and understanding. I know this is easier said than done, but keep in mind, this attitude will give you the results you’re hoping for the fastest.
And last but not least, don’t try to bottle it all up and try to deal with everything all by yourself. Talk to your friends, trusted family members. Find outlets and express your feelings and frustrations.
If you feel like you’d benefit from some additional support with passing all your ex’s tests, that something I can help you with in a coaching call.
Here, I’ll carefully listen and help you make sense of their behavior.
We’ll also make a plan on how to respond and what to do to get your ex to fall in love with you again.
We always believed that relationships should be FUN and uplifting! And we were obsessed with finding real-world practical solutions for our relationship problems. Today we help others do the same with our blog.