So you’ve been through a heart-breaking journey of a breakup with him and might have even come to finally accept that it’s truly over…
… Only for him to come BACK to you after his rebound relationships didn’t work out.
Talk about him adding insult to injury.
You likely have questions and mixed feelings about it all:
- “Why did he come back after the rebound relationships?”
- “Should I even take him back just because he changed his mind?”
- “How do I know he won’t do it again?”
- “Should I talk to him about his rebound?”
Some of you might also be wondering about the psychology of a rebound and what it all means to him.
And in today’s post I’m going to answer these questions, help you address your doubts and find the clarity you need to make a clear decision.
Let’s first talk about the elephant in the room…
Can A Man Fall In Love With A Rebound Relationship?
Yes, a man can fall in love with a rebound relationship.
He may have moved on very fast after your breakup, but what’s important to keep in mind here is that it takes TIME to develop earnest feelings in a relationship!
So if his rebound lasted all of a couple of weeks, it’s really nothing you need to worry about.
He may be infatuated, but definitely is not in love.
And if it was months, she’s still got nothing on you because chances are your relationship with him was longer.
Again, time counts for A LOT, because you’ve bonded, have shared memories and KNOW each other well.
There are few things that are more attractive than the familiarity of someone knowing and getting you…
So if him falling in love with his rebound is a concern to you, my advice is, don’t worry about it too much and focus on rebuilding things with him. Because that’s what will actually count in the long run.
Why Exes Come Back After A Failed Relationship
Exes come back after a failed relationship because the rebound (often no longer than a few weeks or months) didn’t work out the way they’d imagined.
You see, when a guy wants to break up, he believes that the grass is greener on the other side.
He likely thinks that the problems you’ve faced in your relationship, that escalated to the breakup, are – for the most part – of your making.
Break up and go find someone who doesn’t make things difficult.
But you and I both know that things aren’t quite so simple in relationships. Everybody brings their own emotional baggage to the table.
Moving on to a new relationship does NOT make his issues magically evaporate!
Quite the contrary.
He obviously takes them with him into his rebound relationship that’s about to go wrong. And within a few weeks or months, he’s shocked to discover very similar conflicts arising in his new relationship.
Which bursts his bubble as he realizes that leaving you did not miraculously solve all his relationship problems.
He took his issues into the rebound relationship because he hasn’t resolved them!
This is often the turning point where a man reevaluates his breakup decision, after realizing that relationships are complicated after all.
Your ex likely came to conclude that he’s actually happier with you, because (problems aside) you have a history of connection and memories that are precious to him.
Building a relationship from scratch is a lot of work and takes time, so he might have come to realize that if he’s going to be confronted with his own issues in every relationship….
… Then he’s better off coming back to you and continuing investing in your relationship.
So exes come back after a failed relationship because they get a reality check when they are confronted with their exact same issues with a rebound.
Should You Take Him Back After He Changed His Mind?
I know that this is a difficult decision, Karolina’s (my then girlfriend, now wife) and I also went through multiple breakups and it wasn’t pretty.
And when you know he only came back because it didn’t work out with this other woman, it hurts and because he left you on the hook and only came back when it suited him.
But the truth is life is a mess and so are relationships!
We all say and do stupid, hurtful and short-sighted things at times. Because we simply don’t know better. We haven’t learned these lessons yet.
Breakups are never straightforward, easy or fair, and that’s unfortunately just what it is.
But when you feel ready, the helpful question you need to be asking yourself is:
“Is he worth it to me?”
Are you willing to look past his hurtful behavior and potentially try again with him?
The answer to this will entirely depend on the particular circumstances of your breakup and what you want.
It might be, “No, he’s NOT worth it to me”. It might be, “Yes, I love him and want to try again.”
Or you might change your mind every other minute, and that’s OKAY too!
Whatever you decide, just know that his decision to break up has a lot to do with him and his own personal problems.
And if you are leaning towards taking him back, understand that it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
It just is what it is, he made a decision, and now it’s your turn to make one.
How Do I Know He Won’t Break Up Again?
The fact is, you can’t know for sure.
BUT, it’s something you can have a lot of influence over!
50% of couples that break up get back together. But most of them just get back together in the hopes that the reunion itself will be enough to fix things.
Some make a modest effort and put in a few weeks of trying to change their ways, while others who don’t want to take any chances get expert help from a relationship coach.
Regardless of what path it is you choose for yourself…
What’s crucial is that you both make a consistent effort to address the underlying problems in your relationship that initially lead to the breakup.
Because otherwise you are inevitably bound to repeat the same painful experience again.
So think of your relationship as a plant that needs consistent nurturing to grow and stay strong!
Not something you rescue at the eleventh hour.
This is the absolute BEST way to ensure neither you nor him will want to break up again.
Should I Talk To Him About His Rebound?
That’s a good question. Because this whole situation has likely got you caught up with a lot of feelings of jealousy, hurt and brought up insecurities in you.
And while talking about his rebound might seem like an important discussion to have, you might also fear that it will make you feel even worse with spiraling thoughts and doubts:
- “Who was she?”
- “Was she better?”
- “Did she give him what I couldn’t?”
When your ex has a rebound relationship, we tend to paint out an extremely unrealistic picture of some perfect entity whom they were (briefly) with.
Which leads to skewed comparisons, crippling anxiety and letting our insecurities get the better of us.
So, the point I want to make here is that this person that you imagine in your head does NOT exist!
They are human just like you are, with strengths and weaknesses, confidence in some areas and INSECURITIES in others.
But more importantly! You don’t even have to talk to him about his rebound!
Because you know what? She DOESN’T matter.
After all, he came back to you, didn’t he? So how great could she have really been?
What DOES MATTER is your relationship with him and what you both want to build for the future together.
So you can spare yourself unnecessary additional heartache and just not talk to him about his rebound.
It’s also a little safer to avoid the topic initially, especially if you can’t talk without arguing.
And if it’s something you just let go of, you can always get back to it when you’re both in a stronger place!
Why Do Toxic Exes Keep Coming Back?
For those of you who know their ex is toxic and are leaning towards not taking him back, you might still be wondering why he keeps coming back.
Toxic exes are often driven by a need to control and dominate you.
They are not interested in genuinely connecting and building a healthy relationship together. They are TOO SCARED to do that.
All they know is to manipulate, control and be conveniently devoid of the desire to change themselves.
Which brings us to why they keep coming back.
When they sense that they’re losing that control over you and that you’re operating independently without them….
Your long-lost toxic ex is suddenly texting you again, reaching out and wanting to meet.
All you need to do, though, is see through his lies or attempts at manipulation and realize that you’re dealing with a terribly afraid little boy who doesn’t believe he’s loveable!
So he resorts to endless toxic tactics to scrape together the crumbs of love he thinks he deserves.
And if you know you’re done with them and need to finalize this chapter in your life, consider writing them a powerful closure letter for yourself that will impact them.
Rebound relationships are fairly common after a breakup, people do it all the time and yes there’s no denying, it’s a hurtful experience.
By now, you’re hopefully in a better position to decide whether your ex is someone you want to try with again.
And if you do, remember it’s vital to proactively address the problems that will likely lead to another breakup.
In order to help women that are in your situation, we create an online course: Rebuild Your Relationship.
Here, you will learn exactly what you need to do to avoid the common pitfalls people fall into when they get back together with their ex after a rebound relationship.
We’ll teach you the empowering mindset you need to make sure you can secure your happy ever after.
After his hurtful behavior, you might also find it healing and benefit from reading: How to Rebuild Trust in a Relationship.
Thanks for sticking around, I hope you found this post helpful.
Also, what is your experience with rebound relationships and your ex coming back? Let me know in the comments section.
See you in my next post.