When Anxious Fell for Avoidant – A Love Story with Plot Twists

Hi there! We’re Karolina and Gabriel, the creators of the SimplyTogether.co blog, dedicated to helping you feel loved, safe, and supported in your relationship.

Our work has been featured in major publications like AskMen, Cosmopolitan, Mashable, and more. We’ve also created several online courses to help you get the love and connection you deeply crave (especially if you’re stuck in an anxious-avoidant dance like we were).

Why are we so eager to help?

Because the relationship knowledge we’re sharing completely changed our lives. And our love.

Let us take you on a quick trip down memory lane so you can see how it all began.

How We Met

In November 2011, Gabriel and I met at a mutual friend’s birthday party in Vienna.

Gabriel had just returned to Austria after finishing his studies in England (he’s Austrian). I’m Polish and was still wrapping up my studies in Vienna.

We immediately hit it off. There was chemistry, excitement, that spark. We exchanged numbers and made plans to meet for coffee a few days later.

Fast forward a few social events and a string of magical dates, we were officially together!

I felt like Gabriel really got me and that we were absolutely perfect for one another. We could never have enough of each other, and every moment spent together was pure fun.

Our relationship felt extremely special and I was thrilled that I had finally found the one!

Our Honeymoon Phase Didn’t Last

But under the surface, our different attachment styles were quietly brewing conflict.

I had an anxious attachment style, which means I crave closeness, reassurance, and emotional connection. Gabriel had an avoidant attachment style—he valued independence, space, and emotional distance when things got overwhelming.

Six months in, those differences started to erupt.

Whenever something felt off, I would panic and try to fix things immediately. I’d anxiously chase, try to fix things, and push for closeness.

But Gabriel, feeling emotionally flooded, would pull away. 

He needed space and would shut down or deactivate emotionally. Just when I needed him most.

It was heartbreaking. 

Where we previously got along effortlessly, we now weren’t on the same page anymore.

To make matters worse, our spark started fading!

Eventually, after eight months together, our mismatched responses became too much. We broke up.

I was absolutely devastated…

My anxious attachment went into overdrive. I cried for days on end, couldn’t sleep, it felt unbearable.

But despite his avoidant nature, Gabriel also struggled with the separation. A month later, he reached out — and we got back together.

The Vicious Cycle of Love and Heartbreak

Nope, this still isn’t the part where everything magically falls into place, and we live happily ever after. Not just yet…

In fact, this was the MOST hurtful and damaging phase of our relationship. 

After we got back together the first time, things temporarily got back to how they were in the very beginning. 

Once again, we were thrilled to have each other in our lives. We were texting constantly and couldn’t wait to see each other every time.

But our second honeymoon phase didn’t last very long either…

Soon all our old attachment style problems came back! 

We started disagreeing about things again and kept on arguing about them. My anxiety would get the better of me and Gabriel would deactivate, becoming cold and unresponsive. 

It just didn’t seem like we were perfect for one another anymore. I became afraid that maybe we were just too different.

So we broke up again….

…and a month later, we got back together.

It didn’t stop there!

All in all, we broke up THREE TIMES before we realized we weren’t just arguing about surface stuff. We were reacting to our own attachment wounds—mine driven by fear of abandonment, his by fear of losing freedom.

We Finally Figured It Out!

Even though the cycle was painful, we were trying to understand what was going on underneath.

We read everything we could. Books, articles, forums, watched videos. We learned about communication, emotional needs, and most importantly… attachment styles.

And then, one afternoon, it finally clicked.

One sunny winter afternoon we were sitting on Gabriel’s bed, having the same old argument, when I finally understood what was really going on for him.

It’s not that he didn’t care or wanted to hurt me. He was just overwhelmed and afraid of losing his autonomy. And he needed me to get that about him, he needed to feel seen!

And in that moment, I responded differently. I saw his need and didn’t try to change him. I just understood it.

That changed EVERYTHING.

Suddenly, we both had tools to actually hear each other. I could calm my spirals and give him space. And he could stay present without feeling trapped.

We finally got through to each other!

This was a huge deal and from that point onwards, our relationship finally turned around.

The spark was back for good this time!

All thanks to our new understanding and mindset, it felt like the fog was finally lifting!

I could now clearly see WHY our relationship initially struggled and what I needed to do so that we could finally be happy together.

WHAT made men tick and WHY they can be so difficult, was no longer a mystery. 

I learned how to soothe my anxiety and communicate my needs without chasing. Gabriel learned how to stay emotionally present without feeling engulfed.

I could approach Gabriel to get what I needed from him. And the same was also true of him towards me. 

We started doing exciting and romantic things again!

He was getting me flowers for no reason, leaving me cute notes when he went to work, and planned little surprises for me.

He was eager to show me his love and appreciation again!

We were no longer growing apart anymore, we started growing CLOSER instead.

Our relationship became FUN again! 

We were spending less time arguing and more time enjoying each other’s company.

We went on multiple awesome road trips and decided to move in together.

There is so much more enjoyment in our lives today, but the truth is that the learning process never stopped for us.

Even today, we keep on discovering new aspects of our attachment styles and how we can improve. 

Because that’s the reality of how relationships work. 

They are very layered and beautifully complex, since there are so many feelings and thoughts going through each of us all the time.

But through this journey, we built a strong connection and solid trust. And most importantly, had far fewer fights and, instead, more love and joy in our relationship.

Eventually, the idea of living without each other just felt impossible. 

So, we finally got married!

How We Came to Create This Blog

We’ve been together for over a decade now, but our chemistry is stronger than ever.

So much so, people are often shocked when they find out we’re not a fresh couple. 

My friends started coming to us for advice and wanted to know what our ‘secret sauce’ was. 

Seeing so many people all struggling with the exact same problems we once had, made us want to help…

That’s why we decided to start this blog.

We wanted to use this website as a platform to share our understanding and healing of attachment styles. So that we could help people in similar situations with their relationship struggles.

It started off as a little side hustle.

When we launched our website, Gabriel had a job as a user-experience designer, while I worked as an architect. 

In March 2020 the lockdown happened and both of us suddenly found ourselves with more free time at our hands.

We decided to use it to help our readers with our first course: Rebuild Your Relationship.

We put together all the most important lessons and tools so that we could teach women how they too could turn their relationships around!

Click Here to Check Out Rebuild Your Relationship.

But for some of you that wasn’t enough, so we launched one-on-one Coaching. 

Where we help our clients have the transformations they need to manifest the relationship they want!

And in case you’ve gone through a breakup and are trying to get your ex back, you can read how our clients successfully reunited with their love in the link below:

Click Here to Learn About Coaching.

It has been many years since then, and we’ve created more online programs to continue doing our best to support you guys, with our Get Your Ex Back and Attach an Avoidant programs.

We hope some of our story resonated with you and gave you some hope. In case you want to share your thoughts or have any questions, please contact us here and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible.

Don’t wait for your relationship to fix itself, take control today, and let’s create the relationship you want, together.

Karolina & Gabriel