Are you feeling worried or anxious? Maybe even a little panicked that your man is losing interest in you?
The other day he may have been a little inattentive, dismissive or snappy with you. Or when you want to snuggle or have sex, he’s just always “Not in the mood right now…”
He seems to prefer spending more time with others -or his phone- and avoids prolonged eye-contact, and might even straight up disappear without a word and leave you alone.
It’s normal for the honeymoon phase to fade, but there are degrees at which relationships deteriorate. And since you’re here, it’s likely feeling critical…
Now, however he is communicating his disinterest, I’m here to help you with that.
First by clarifying whether he is actually losing interest with the help of 10 signs for you to look out for.
And secondly, we’ll get into what you can do to COUNTER-STEER him not taking notice of you.
Hi, I’m Gabriel and I run this blog with my wife Karolina. In this post, I’ll be evaluating your situation and answering your questions, while giving you direction from a man’s perspective.
So let’s take a deep breath…. Relax on the exhale, and do this together.
10 Signs He Is Losing Interest In You
There are many indicators that you’ll need to look out for, some more subtle, others rather blatant.
Look out for the following signs and see how many fit for you. The more do, the clearer the unfortunate answer that you are losing him.
But don’t worry, even if you’re on the unlucky side of things, we’ll cover what you can do to remedy your situation and draw him back in -right after we cover these signs!
1. Is he emotionally withdrawing since more than a week?
One of the first things a man will do when he’s losing interest is emotionally withdraw from you.
Where you once felt an air of warmth, charm and love emanating from him, you now feel quite the opposite.
He seems… distant, reserved and has gone silent -in an almost UNKIND manner.
When your man has been this way for more than a week and continues to be, then you have your first sign that he is losing interest.
2. Does he avoid physical touch?
Physical touch is a large part of what distinguishes platonic relationships from romantic ones.
And I’m sure you appreciate and crave closeness just like anybody else. You and your partner will have your familiar ways of touching, being affectionate, and loving towards one another.
So when he suddenly starts avoiding physical touch, it’s likely something you notice pretty QUICKLY.
When you seek a reassuring touch, he might avoid it, move your hands off of himself or even walk away from you without a word.
If a man is AVOIDING your physical touch in this way, consider it another sign that he is losing interest.
3. Is he avoiding eye contact with you?
Did you know that the human face has 42 individual muscles? This is what allows us to express so much complex emotion with our partner without even exchanging a word.
And it’s when your eyes meet that you read each other’s facial expressions to determine what the other side is feeling and thinking… It plays a large role in how we connect.
Avoiding eye contact is a means of not connecting, of NOT LETTING someone read you, because they don’t want to let you in.
So if he is not meeting your gaze or avoiding eye contact, it is a sign that he is distancing himself and becoming less attentive.
4. Does he have an excuse ready every time you want to be intimate?
Intimacy, arguably, plays the biggest part in what makes a romantic relationship -romantic!
It is a beautiful means of deeply connecting, exploring and getting to know each other in new and exciting ways every time.
One that you don’t just share with anybody, because it carries a lot of meaning.
So if he has an excuse ready every time you desire intimacy:
“I’m tired…”
“I want to go workout”
“I’m meeting friends”
“I can’t, I’m busy with work”
And if it’s been a few weeks since you had sex, or he avoids sex altogether (and it’s not caused by understandable physical complications that got in the way)…
…then it is an indication he is losing interest in you and a cause for concern.
5. Have you suggested activities together, that he keeps declining?
When you feel something is off in your relationship, your reaction may be to fix it by reconnecting with an activity together.
Sports, games, museum visits, whatever shared interests you previously had will likely have come to mind.
But when you propose activities that you know for a fact he likes, and he repeatedly refuses them, then something is definitely off…
6. Is he distant during sex?
Although couples often develop routines for their time between the sheets and their sex might look like the same thing over and over again, it can actually FEEL very different each time.
Because where your partner is at emotionally and mentally translates all the way down to his fingertips and across into your body…
This goes the other way around too, of course.
Where you guys are coming from in your lovemaking can make it feel like cloud nine or crappy.
And when he’s distant or absent during sex, you will FEEL and notice that!
So if you’ve experienced him being increasingly unavailable, and it feels like he’s barely noticing you during sex, then it’s a definite sign he is losing interest.
7. Does he avoid you at events or parties?
Social engagements with your partner are fun, right? — Or are they?
There are few things more humiliating than going to an event with him, whereupon arriving, he immediately ducks out and avoids you like the plague throughout the evening.
Especially if you see him laughing and enjoying himself with others -or worse, with other women.
Unless you’ve had a big fight just before the party that left you both fuming and ignoring each other, there is no reason for him to be acting this way, unless of course he is no longer partial towards you…
8. Is he paying more attention to other women than to you?
It’s perfectly common for either of you to sneak a guilty glance at an attractive passer by every once in a while.
But if he’s making a habit of it, is talking to other women, and giving them more attention than he does to you, that’s a definite RED-ALERT!
(Whether these interactions are in person or online.)
You are his partner and as such, deserve to have priority and exclusivity when it comes to his attention.
So if you feel like second place, like he doesn’t love you anymore, and he’s endlessly taking more time for other women than he does for you, take it as a definite sign that he is losing interest.
9. Does he seem to be on autopilot with you?
We can all get overwhelmed with our demanding lives and the people in it at times…
So we zone out, put on cruise control and meander through our day just to make it home for some shut-eye. During these times we’re inattentive, easily distracted and unfocused.
I’m sure you’ve experienced this inattentive side of him too, and that’s perfectly okay from TIME TO TIME:
“Sorry, did you say something?”
“Yeah, honey of course… — what?”
“Sure, sure, whatever you say”
But if him not listening, being unresponsive or not being present with you is STANDARD procedure, where he’s constantly on autopilot and drifts off, then that’s another sign for you.
10. Is he taking more liberties with bad behavior?
We all have our limits, and it can be especially difficult to keep your cool in long-term relationships. Since you’ve known each other for such a long time and are familiar with the others’ tendencies and patterns…
But if you find that he’s showing and expressing his frustration without restraint, and is on bad behavior, it’s something to keep an eye on.
Because when partners lose interest in their relationship, they take even more liberties to act out of line and risk sabotaging things further!
So if this fits for you, consider it a final sign.
Conclusion
How many signs fit for you? Remember, the more fit, the likelier it is that he is unfortunately losing interest.
Especially if you’re at 6 signs or more.
But I want you to check in with yourself as well, though. Do you FEEL like he’s losing interest? What does your gut tell you?
It’s also helpful to listen to your own instincts to give you a clearer answer.
Now, if your answer is ‘Yes, I believe he is losing interest’.
Then the obvious next question would be…
How do I make him interested again?
First, let me say that you’re in a good position here.
Good in that you’ve noticed something was off early enough to act and PREVENT things from escalating further!
Many of our coaching clients make the unfortunate mistake of missing the signs that he’s losing interest and only retrospectively recognizing them once their partner has already become an ex-partner.
And it’s much harder to reverse a breakup, than it is to pre-empt a breakup.
In this course, we’ll help you identify what is making him lose interest and distance himself. Including the how to dissolve the issues that have been piling up in your relationship.
And finally, you’ll learn our step-by-step guide to win back your man’s heart and secure your relationship for good.
Regardless of how intense your arguments may be or what the disagreements are.
Him hitting you does NOT solve anything or help anyone.
And the fact that you’re asking yourself ‘Is it okay for my boyfriend to hit me?’ shows just how badly he’s treating you.
Now, you may have heard these words before…
People close to you might have repeatedly told you that it’s definitely NOT okay for your boyfriend to hit you and that you need to get the hell away from him.
That he’s no good and only harming you. That you deserve better and shouldn’t tolerate him any longer…
And in theory you agree and think that you ought to do all of these things.
But it’s not quite so simple, is it…?
You love him and might even feel responsible for what he does. You may have negative voices in your head that justify him hitting you:
“You deserved it.”
“It’s for your own good.”
“You needed to be reminded of your place.”
“It’s because he cares.”
These are of course all lies.
But nonetheless, what seems like a clear decision to outsiders, feels like a muddled mess of fear, love, and familiarity to you on the inside.
It’s as though you’re trapped in a foggy prison with walls you cannot see nor touch. But they are there.
And at times you may not be sure you want to even leave…
I’m describing it as such because I too was hit (though in a different context, but more on that later) but it took me a long time to understand what was actually done to me and how it affected me.
And only then was I able to unshackle the hold it had on me!
So in this post, I am going to try to meet you where you’re at, while laying out a path that will help you find emotional clarity, gain confidence and liberate you to make your own choices.
There are TWO KEY POINTS that I want to convey today:
1. Your boyfriend is manipulating you with lies to maintain power & control
2. You need to stop believing his lies to finally free yourself
I’ll explain these in more detail as we go along.
Safety First-If Your Situation Is Extreme
Emergency situations should not be diminished and need to be addressed first.
If you are in an extreme situation where your boyfriend is very violent, and you fear for your life, then you need to act now.
I know it may not be easy, but when your safety is at stake, you need to prioritize yourself:
1. Secretly do research on nearby women’s shelters (a quick google search will help) or arrange to stay with friends or family that you know you can trust.
2. Secretly pack your essentials when you know he won’t be back for a while, and leave without him suspecting anything.
3. Build a support network to protect yourself and so you do not slip back into his influence. You can do this through a women’s shelter, support hotlines or what I recommend are support groups, (You can search & find local and online support via Google or Facebook groups)
Again, it may feel like too much too soon. But when your boyfriend is hitting you to a point where you don’t know if you’ll make it through the day, it’s a situation that needs to be taken very seriously.
You DON’T deserve this kind of treatment.
Making Sense Of Your Situation – The Trap of Physical Abuse
When your boyfriend hits you (especially over a longer time) you might feel disoriented and checked out.
It can leave you CONFUSED about what is right or wrong and make it hard to make sense of your situation.
Which is why we’re going to explain the psychological trap of physical abuse, so that you have a better understanding and clarity of what exactly is going on.
Why Your Boyfriend Resorts To Hitting You
Once upon a time, there was a boy whose parents frequently and unjustifiably hit him.
Sometimes his parents would fight between each other and one of them would hit the other.
But often he was the easy target, and they would call him names, tell him that he was bad, that he deserved to be hit and “It’s for your own good!”
That boy then grew to be a man. A man who unfortunately never put his parents’ treatment of him into question…
He buried all of his fear, anger, rage, and shame deep deep inside and justified or denied it all.
But what the denial led to was a toxic urge to control, dominate and never relinquish any power. No matter the cost.
So this is what it all boils down to for him: Keeping power & control.
Which he’s desperately holding onto and FEARS to lose.
And so long as he’s not willing to put his abusive behavior that was passed onto him into question, and take steps to fix an abusive relationship, he will remain an abuser.
He will continue justifying the distorted lies that hitting you is somehow okay. Even though deep down, he KNOWS what he’s doing is wrong.
Why You Might Think It’s Okay for Your Boyfriend to Hit You
Now let’s talk about what’s going on for YOU in all of this.
I know it may not be an easy conversation to have, but it’s a necessary one.
Necessary so that you can set boundaries and free yourself from the shackles of the lies that currently bind you.
In order to illustrate, let me tell you part of my own story…
I grew up in a rather unusual environment, that is a hostile and violent boarding school which I had no escape from.
Corporal punishment was standard issue, and I was frequently verbally and physically abused at the hands of supposed care takers and staff.
When the teachers hit me, in their actions and emotions, they conveyed that I was somehow deserving of this treatment and even needed it to improve myself.
To me though (as horrific as it was) it became relatively normal because it was my everyday life and all I knew at the time.
This led to an unconscious tolerance for being hit, because I had been conditioned to believe that being hit was justified and necessary.
Which is an utter LIE.
But these lies are what perpetrators intentionally instill in their victims.
It is their strategy to break and blame the victim.
And when you’ve been exposed to being repeatedly verbally abused or hit, your psychological defenses eventually fold as you are forced to believe the lies.
So how does this all relate to you then?
You, too, have likely been exposed to repeated (often slowly escalating) verbal or physical abuse.
Your boyfriend may have been the first instance of this in your life, but my guess is that others have picked on you before…
And this is what it accumulates to, you end up in a relationship where you might believe it’s okay for your boyfriend to hit you.
With your boyfriend’s lies that create the invisible emotional prison that is keeping you trapped.
So the only way to truly set yourself free, is to no longer let him use you, no longer let him blame you and TEAR his lies apart instead!
Which is exactly what I’m going to help you with in the next point.
Debunking His Lies To Free Yourself
Beyond financial dependencies and physical strength, a large component of what keeps you trapped is what he’s doing to your mind.
He’s feeding you lies that undermine your sense of self-worth and what you feel.
And a lot of these lies aren’t necessarily even verbalized. Did you know that 70%+ of communication is non-verbal cues?
That means that his actions alone can convey toxic lies that are designed to dismantle your reality and give him full control.
So when he hits you, he’s also very actively trying to break you and instill toxic lies.
And this is a super important point that I want you to get.
The prison you are in, is BUILT by the LIES he is telling you when he hits you.
It can go so far that you find yourself blindly agreeing to everything he demands, just to avoid potential repercussions.
So we’re going to undo his spell on you by debunking the 5 most common lies told by a boyfriend who hits his girlfriend.
Lie 1 – “You Deserve It”
One of the most common lies told by a boyfriend who hits you is that you deserve it.
Who decided that you deserved to be hit? Him? What gives him any authority on the matter? Does he think he has the license to hit or some dumb crap like that?
It’s utter nonsense and an absurd FABRICATION to allow himself to get away with hitting you!
Don’t buy into his garbage. What you deserve is for someone to listen and understand your needs, not for them to be denied and beaten into submission.
Lie 2 – “It’s Your Fault”
This is easily the laziest of lies, and don’t believe it for one minute.
When a man abuses his physical power and hits you, it is not your fault. It is HIS fault for being such a coward that he can’t even face that what his father did to him wasn’t okay.
He’d rather carry it forward onto someone smaller and defenseless.
This lie is utter TRASH and belongs in a landfill.
Lie 3 – “It’s Justified, You Just Don’t Understand”
This is another form of gaslighting that is used to make you believe you cannot trust yourself.
BS! You CAN trust yourself!
Look closely and notice that he’s just hiding behind a facade. He doesn’t know JACK about anything! There is nothing he knows that you don’t know, that would justify him hitting you.
When he tries to convince you that he knows better, and you simply don’t understand, call BS. He’s just desperately trying to hold onto the power that’s slipping through his fingers.
Lie 4 – “It’s For Your Own Good”
This is an all-time classic and one of the most blatant lies ever told.
By telling this lie, he is suggesting that him having no self-restraint, moral principles, let alone spine and resorting to hitting you is somehow beneficial for you.
And It is absolutely NOT!
It’s beneficial for him, because he can continue to be the coward who tries to dump all the responsibility on you.
If it were you beating him and telling him, “But baby, remember, it’s for your own good.” he’d change his tune before you even finished the sentence.
Lie 5 – “You Are Weak”
You are weak STRONG.
And him telling you otherwise is just another one of his attempts to reinforce helpless- and defenselessness.
There is nothing true about it, it is simply another one of his lies to maintain control and power that he so fears to lose.
You are strong enough to say no to his abusive treatment, you are strong enough to get out of this mess, and you are strong enough to never tolerate a man mistreating you ever again!
Break The Vicious Cycle Of Abusive Partners
This may be the first relationship you are in where your boyfriend hits you, or you may have experienced this before.
Either way, what’s important to understand about your situation is that victims of physical violence often repeatedly end up with boyfriends who hit them.
So getting out of your current situation is half the battle.
What will help you the most in the long term is debunking the lies that create the psychological prison you’re in.
This way, you won’t fall into the vicious cycle of abusive partners without realizing it until it’s too late!
I won’t lie, this is a long and difficult journey.
But YOU CAN DO IT!
Just like myself and countless other people who were in the unfortunate position you are in now.
But we made it out. And you will too! Believe in yourself, get all the help you possibly can, and NEVER. EVER. GIVE UP.
You are worth the time and effort.
And for good measure, let me answer your initial question one last time: No, it is NOT okay for your boyfriend to hit you.
I hope you found this article helpful.
As a read next, I’d suggest a little pick-you-up article my wife wrote that can help you understand what healthy relationships actually look like: 9 Signs of True Love From a Man.
So you’ve been through a heart-breaking journey of a breakup with him and might have even come to finally accept that it’s truly over…
… Only for him to come BACK to you after his rebound relationships didn’t work out.
Talk about him adding insult to injury.
You likely have questions and mixed feelings about it all:
“Why did he come back after the rebound relationships?”
“Should I even take him back just because he changed his mind?”
“How do I know he won’t do it again?”
“Should I talk to him about his rebound?”
Some of you might also be wondering about the psychology of a rebound and what it all means to him.
And in today’s post I’m going to answer these questions, help you address your doubts and find the clarity you need to make a clear decision.
Let’s first talk about the elephant in the room…
Can A Man Fall In Love With A Rebound Relationship?
Yes, a man can fall in love with a rebound relationship.
He may have moved on very fast after your breakup, but what’s important to keep in mind here is that it takes TIME to develop earnest feelings in a relationship!
So if his rebound lasted all of a couple of weeks, it’s really nothing you need to worry about.
He may be infatuated, but definitely is not in love.
And if it was months, she’s still got nothing on you because chances are your relationship with him was longer.
Again, time counts for A LOT, because you’ve bonded, have shared memories and KNOW each other well.
There are few things that are more attractive than the familiarity of someone knowing and getting you…
So if him falling in love with his rebound is a concern to you, my advice is, don’t worry about it too much and focus on rebuilding things with him. Because that’s what will actually count in the long run.
Why Exes Come Back After A Failed Relationship
Exes come back after a failed relationship because the rebound (often no longer than a few weeks or months) didn’t work out the way they’d imagined.
You see, when a guy wants to break up, he believes that the grass is greener on the other side.
He likely thinks that the problems you’ve faced in your relationship, that escalated to the breakup, are – for the most part – of your making.
His solution?
Break up and go find someone who doesn’t make things difficult.
But you and I both know that things aren’t quite so simple in relationships. Everybody brings their own emotional baggage to the table.
Moving on to a new relationship does NOT make his issues magically evaporate!
Quite the contrary.
He obviously takes them with him into his rebound relationship that’s about to go wrong. And within a few weeks or months, he’s shocked to discover very similar conflicts arising in his new relationship.
Which bursts his bubble as he realizes that leaving you did not miraculously solve all his relationship problems.
He took his issues into the rebound relationship because he hasn’t resolved them!
Your ex likely came to conclude that he’s actually happier with you, because (problems aside) you have a history of connection and memories that are precious to him.
Building a relationship from scratch is a lot of work and takes time, so he might have come to realize that if he’s going to be confronted with his own issues in every relationship….
… Then he’s better off coming back to you and continuing investing in your relationship.
So exes come back after a failed relationship because they get a reality check when they are confronted with their exact same issues with a rebound.
Should You Take Him Back After He Changed His Mind?
And when you know he only came back because it didn’t work out with this other woman, it hurts and because he left you on the hook and only came back when it suited him.
But the truth is life is a mess and so are relationships!
We all say and do stupid, hurtful and short-sighted things at times. Because we simply don’t know better. We haven’t learned these lessons yet.
Breakups are never straightforward, easy or fair, and that’s unfortunately just what it is.
But when you feel ready, the helpful question you need to be asking yourself is:
“Is he worth it to me?”
Are you willing to look past his hurtful behavior and potentially try again with him?
The answer to this will entirely depend on the particular circumstances of your breakup and what you want.
It might be, “No, he’s NOT worth it to me”. It might be, “Yes, I love him and want to try again.”
Or you might change your mind every other minute, and that’s OKAY too!
Whatever you decide, just know that his decision to break up has a lot to do with him and his own personal problems.
And if you are leaning towards taking him back, understand that it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
It just is what it is, he made a decision, and now it’s your turn to make one.
How Do I Know He Won’t Break Up Again?
The fact is, you can’t know for sure.
BUT, it’s something you can have a lot of influence over!
50% of couples that break up get back together. But most of them just get back together in the hopes that the reunion itself will be enough to fix things.
Some make a modest effort and put in a few weeks of trying to change their ways, while others who don’t want to take any chances get expert help from a relationship coach.
Regardless of what path it is you choose for yourself…
What’s crucial is that you both make a consistent effort to address the underlying problems in your relationship that initially lead to the breakup.
Because otherwise you are inevitably bound to repeat the same painful experience again.
So think of your relationship as a plant that needs consistent nurturing to grow and stay strong!
Not something you rescue at the eleventh hour.
This is the absolute BEST way to ensure neither you nor him will want to break up again.
Should I Talk To Him About His Rebound?
That’s a good question. Because this whole situation has likely got you caught up with a lot of feelings of jealousy, hurt and brought up insecurities in you.
And while talking about his rebound might seem like an important discussion to have, you might also fear that it will make you feel even worse with spiraling thoughts and doubts:
“Who was she?”
“Was she better?”
“Did she give him what I couldn’t?”
When your ex has a rebound relationship, we tend to paint out an extremely unrealistic picture of some perfect entity whom they were (briefly) with.
Which leads to skewed comparisons, crippling anxiety and letting our insecurities get the better of us.
So, the point I want to make here is that this person that you imagine in your head does NOT exist!
They are human just like you are, with strengths and weaknesses, confidence in some areas and INSECURITIES in others.
But more importantly! You don’t even have to talk to him about his rebound!
Because you know what? She DOESN’T matter.
After all, he came back to you, didn’t he? So how great could she have really been?
What DOES MATTER is your relationship with him and what you both want to build for the future together.
So you can spare yourself unnecessary additional heartache and just not talk to him about his rebound.
And if it’s something you just let go of, you can always get back to it when you’re both in a stronger place!
Why Do Toxic Exes Keep Coming Back?
For those of you who know their ex is toxic and are leaning towards not taking him back, you might still be wondering why he keeps coming back.
Toxic exes are often driven by a need to control and dominate you.
They are not interested in genuinely connecting and building a healthy relationship together. They are TOO SCARED to do that.
All they know is to manipulate, control and be conveniently devoid of the desire to change themselves.
Which brings us to why they keep coming back.
When they sense that they’re losing that control over you and that you’re operating independently without them….
Your long-lost toxic ex is suddenly texting you again, reaching out and wanting to meet.
Confusing, no?
All you need to do, though, is see through his lies or attempts at manipulation and realize that you’re dealing with a terribly afraid little boy who doesn’t believe he’s loveable!
So he resorts to endless toxic tactics to scrape together the crumbs of love he thinks he deserves.
And if you know you’re done with them and need to finalize this chapter in your life, consider writing them a powerful closure letter for yourself that will impact them.
Conclusion
Rebound relationships are fairly common after a breakup, people do it all the time and yes there’s no denying, it’s a hurtful experience.
By now, you’re hopefully in a better position to decide whether your ex is someone you want to try with again.
And if you do, remember it’s vital to proactively address the problems that will likely lead to another breakup.
In order to help women that are in your situation, we create an online course: Rebuild Your Relationship.
Here, you will learn exactly what you need to do to avoid the common pitfalls people fall into when they get back together with their ex after a rebound relationship.
We’ll teach you the empowering mindset you need to make sure you can secure your happy ever after.
If you can’t talk to your husband without him getting angry, deep down you likely feel very frustrated with him by now. It’s hard to be with a man who has no room for where you’re at and what you need.
What’s more, this kind of situation cannot last.
Your needs matter and you deserve to be heard in your relationship!
In this blog post, I’ll explain why men act this way and what you can do to get past your husband’s defensiveness, so that he can finally hear you out.
Why Does My Husband Get Mad At Me So Easily?
When you can’t talk to your husband without him getting angry, it’s hard not to take it personally and blame yourself. What did I do to deserve this? Am I unreasonable or overreacting?
In reality, your husband’s short temper has much more to do with his upbringing than it does with you. None of us goes through life unscathed, we all bring our baggage with us into our relationships.
Your husband getting mad so easily is his emotional baggage.
And there are usually three underlying reasons/components to it:
This Is Likely How His Caregivers Talked To Each Other Or To Him
We all learn from our parents and other role models, and then repeat their behavior, often without even realizing that we’re doing it. Your husband might be intuitively reacting this way, simply because he has seen it done this way before.
Maybe his parents got mad every time one of them needed something from the other. Or they often reacted this way when he wanted something from them or one of them.
These kinds of experiences can govern your life and make you blindly repeat the cycle.
So much so, your husband might even believe that getting mad is how you’re supposed to talk to a loved one. Which brings me to my next point.
He Never Learned How To Communicate
If you can’t talk to your husband without him getting angry, then chances are he never learned how to communicate and consequently, he can’t do it, at least not in a romantic relationship.
He might not understand what the purpose of you telling him things is. He is also likely unable to express his feelings in a non-aggressive way.
Much like riding a bicycle, communication in a relationship is a skill. You need to learn it and then practice it, to be able to do it. Your husband likely never got a chance to develop this particular ability. This is why he is so bad at it…
Everything Is A Personal Attack To Him
Last, but not least, men so often get defensive when you tell them how you feel, because they take everything as a personal attack. This is why you can’t talk to him without him getting angry!
Because in your husband’s head you’re likely blaming him and attacking him the whole time, so he retaliates…
By the way, it’s not just men who react this way. This is something all married couples struggle with.
One spouse says something, but the words that are spoken don’t arrive or land as intended.
For example, you might say: “I’m going to set the alarm clock 20 minutes earlier, so that we don’t rush in the morning this time.”
And what this might mean to him will be: “I can’t trust you. You’re lazy and unreliable. I have to make up for it by waking up earlier in the morning!”
It’s two completely different messages that are only vaguely related! And you need to see this phenomenon as such in order to be able to counteract it.
How To Deal With A Short Tempered Husband
The key to dealing with a husband you can’t talk to without him getting angry is seeing it as his issue, not yours.
This is his emotional baggage, his inability to communicate, plus he is the one who is overreacting here, not you!
This is not your fault. His reaction has likely little to do with you! Unfortunately, though, in order to get through to him, you’re going to have to be the bigger person.
There is no point chasing him, begging him for attention and hoping that things will be different next time around. They won’t!
1. Take Control Of The Situation
In order to deal with a short-tempered husband, you’re going to have to take charge and make it happen. You’ll have to be the bigger person. You’re the adult here, and he is currently acting like a rebellious teenager.
This is why, you will have to keep your cool, calm him down and explain that this is important, and you just need him to listen.
2. Set Boundaries When He Gets Angry
The second component of dealing with a husband who gets angry easily are boundaries. This is how you can protect yourself and cut his attacks short.
It’s also how you can make it clear to him that his reaction is not helpful to either of you.
If he keeps on getting angry, you’ll have to set boundaries to teach him that it’s not ok to talk to you this way.
3. Encourage His Efforts, As Small As They Might Be
The third part of dealing with a short-tempered husband is to validate him when he does get something right, no matter how small it might be. Even if it’s just a fraction of what you were trying to communicate.
It’s the only way that will actually encourage him to do more and try harder!
If you’re looking for a step-by-step guide on how to get a man to listen to you, we cover this in our online course Rebuild Your Relationship.
Here you’ll find phrases on what to say to get your husband to pay attention and take you seriously. We’ll also teach you how to set boundaries with him when he does get angry.
This way, you’ll be fully prepared and able to get through to him, without things escalating into an argument.
So you want to know how to make him miss you badly? And you want to do so, in the most potent way possible?
Well, whether it’s someone you’re dating, are in a relationship with, or even if it’s someone whom you recently broke up with. I’m here to help you make him miss you desperately!
And we’ll do so, by equipping you with the most devilish of tools to make him come chasing you like a cheetah in heat!
Now, before you use this deadly arsenal, it’s vital for me to explain some underlying male psychology, otherwise these tools might land flat, or worse, BACKFIRE.
So, let’s start with clearing up a common misconception:
Rejecting Him Doesn’t Make Him Miss You
You may have noticed a lot of advice floating around on the internet suggesting tactics that lean towards dismissing him to get him to miss you, including:
No contact rule
Not answering his texts or calls
Hanging up on him
Friend-zoning him
Making him jealous
And many more…
What all of these approaches have in common is that they are based on some form of rejection.
These strategies might make him CHASE you, but they WON’T make him MISS you.
Chasing you is a brief phase he will have before getting what he wants from you and then running off again, so you can endlessly repeat the cycle.
Whereas Missing youis his genuine desire to be with and connect with you, which is long-term focused.
And in this post, I’m going to show you how to make him miss you to create a sustainable relationship.
With that out of the way, let’s finally talk about…
How To Make Him Miss You
In order to get him to chase you, there are essential Do’s you’ll want to implement and definite Don’ts to keep a close eye on.
The combination of the do’s and don’ts is what really leads to a successful result of him missing you.
8 Essential Do’s To Get Him To Miss You
Let’s start with the things you should definitely be doing. Don’t overwhelm yourself with trying to do ALL of these. Rather, pick out a few that you feel you can do.
1. Do spend time apart
As the age-old adage goes, Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
So don’t be afraid to spend some time apart. Otherwise, how else will he discover that he misses you?
And to be clear, when I say ‘time apart’ I don’t mean a couple of hours. I mean days or even up to a week.
Let him realize you’re not indefinitely sticking around, so that he can feel a longing to see you and touch you again.
He’s wondering: “Where is she at?”
2. Do pursue your own passions
You know what makes spending time apart a WHOLE lot easier on you?
That’s right, pursuing your own passions.
I get that he might BE your passion, but if you want him to miss you, you’re gonna have to let him feel that he’s not the center of your universe.
Go on that trip you’ve talked about for years, take lessons for that instrument you’ve longed to learn, visit a studio where you can let loose with paints on a giant canvas.
Whatever your neglected passions are, breathe life into- and revive them!
He’s jealous: “Is she pursuing her passions more than she’s chasing me?”
3. Do Spend time with friends
When we’re crushing hard on someone, or are desperately in love, we can forget to spend time with the friends in our lives whose company we so thoroughly enjoyed before that special someone came along.
So, if this is you, then consider taking time to meet up and catch up. Even if it’s that friend who’s moved across the pond or the penpal from way back when who sometimes crosses your mind.
Moving other people into your focus will help nurture old connections and you’ll feel less alone. And in turn, it will help HIM notice that you’re around less and slowly make him miss you.
He’s surprised: “Since when does she prioritize her friends over me?”
4. Do something truly thoughtful for him…
Assuming you know each other long enough (about 4+ months), you can surprise him with a thoughtful gesture or gift.
What’s paramount here, is that it’s truly for him and not for an effect. Spend time to figure out what he’d truly appreciate and would hit home.
Ideally, it’s something that does not require you to actually meet in person.
This way he doesn’t think that you’re just trying to reel him in, but are genuinely wanting to make him happy. No strings attached.
He’s moved, but suspicious: “What’s she planning…?”
5. …And don’t follow up
In today’s day and age of technology, the chances are slim that he didn’t receive or catch wind of your gesture/gift. So assume that he’s gotten it and is mulling over what it means, maybe he’s even suspicious.
This is why NOT following up can be even more powerful. Because you’re letting him know that you’re not doing it to invoke a reaction from him.
You’re doing it because you care about him. This will make him miss you like CRAZY.
He’s touched: “That was… incredibly thoughtful of her.”
6. Do continue demonstrating your value
If he happens to be the one initiating and reaching out to you, think of these moments as opportunities to remind him of what he values so much about you and ISN’T currently getting.
The qualities you bring to the table are what initially attracted him to you, so refreshing his memory about said qualities will make him miss you and want more.
And you can absolutely tease him here! Be playful and give him a little something, but leave him wanting more.
He’s fighting feelings: “I’m starting to miss her…”
7. Do Post yourself on social media
Another means of getting him to miss you is to show off yourself and your life on social media.
Combining this with what we’ve discussed above, will REALLY get him to notice your absence and want you around again. This means, posting yourself pursuing your passions and meeting with your friends.
He’ll long to be a part of all the good and exciting things going on in your life and won’t want to miss out anymore.
He’s experiencing FOMO: “I wish I was there with her.”
8. Do seduce him
It’s a game as old as time and will never lose its relevance; seduction is the name and bedding is the game.
If you feel like he’s receptive, don’t hesitate to flirt and seduce him. Remind him of all the good stuff he’s missing out on.
Be merciless, torture him, let him feel the pain of not having you in his life.
It goes without saying that you should do all of this in your own style and in whichever way you feel comfortable with!
Whether that’s endless teasing, sexting, sending provocative pictures or anything else you can imagine. You make the rules.
He’s clawing walls: “I must have her NOW!”
5 Definite Don’ts To Get Him To Miss You
Now, with the don’ts you’ll want to try to avoid ALL of them. I know it’s easier said than done, especially when this guy is totally crush worthy -or even more. But do your best to avoid these to increase your chances of getting him to miss you.
1. Don’t chase him
Being chased can be endearing and flattering for the first few days, but then it mostly becomes very off-putting for guys.
As difficult as it may be for you, not chasing him plays a part in how to get him to miss you.
Because how is he supposed to notice your absence if he never gets the chance?
So chasing him is a no-no.
2. Don’t over-text or over-call
A common way of chasing is of course over-texting and over-calling.
This often leads to him being hesitant or taking his sweet time to answer you.
Which in turn can fuel your need to over-text or call, which will then make him even less responsive or even ghost you.
It becomes a vicious cycle. And if you want him to miss you, then over-texting and over-calling are unfortunately not on the menu.
3. Don’t try to convince him of feelings
If you’ve found yourself speaking his feelings for him, you might be falling into the trap of trying to convince him of how you’d LIKE him to feel.
Because he’ll make it so hard for you to get a read on him, that you will naturally want to try to fill in the blanks.
But the danger here is that his silence can lead to you speaking how you hope he feels, rather than how he ACTUALLY feels. Which in turn often leads to guys distancing themselves and definitely not missing you.
So avoiding this behavior is another important ‘don’t’, so that it doesn’t stand in the way of getting him to miss you.
4. Don’t persuade him to meet
I know it can be difficult to hold out when you really want to see him, especially if it’s been a while…
But if you’re intending on persuading him to meet you, know that this will certainly not help you reach your goal.
Instead, follow the ‘Do’s’ we covered earlier to help you cope with the time apart. These will be far more effective at enticing him to think of you.
5. Don’t make him the center of your world
Although this is the last point, it not only bears a lot of importance, it also captures the essence of what I’m trying to convey in this post, and that is:
Enjoying your own life is how to make him miss you.
Because it is in living your life and pursuing your own interests that he is reminded of what initially attracted him to you in the first place!
And this will remind him of all of those delightful feelings he has towards you, and he’ll be willing to overlook the issues you might be having.
Just so that he can finally see you again.
The Bottom Line
If you follow the Dos & Don’ts we discussed here, you’ll find that he’ll miss you terribly and reach out to see you again.
But if he doesn’t respond and doesn’t miss you despite all of these efforts, maybe the problems you guys face need to be addressed first.
If you’d like any help with getting him to respond again (especially if it’s been a long break since you’ve seen each other) then check out our Coaching Calls.
In a call, I’ll listen to your story, and we’ll figure out a personalized strategy for you to get through to him again.
This will include getting into the male psychology and me sharing the male perspective so that you feel clear and prepared on how exactly to get him back again.
When your husband or boyfriend becomes quiet all of a sudden, it can be very unsettling. Having a man distance himself this way, often sends women into a bit of a spiral of self-doubt and panic.
“What’s going on?”, “Is he hiding something from me?”, “Why is he being this way out all of a sudden?”
What makes this situation worse is when you confront men about their silence, then often only brush it off as nothing and continue brooding…
First off, you’re right to be worrying about this!
Something is up with him. What’s more, this kind of silence is frequently a precursor to a breakup or even divorce.
Men can act in the strangest of ways, and they sabotage relationships too!
Going quiet or resorting to silent treatment is one of the most common ways of how they do it.
In this blog post, I will explain this male behavior and outline the five biggest reasons why and when men go silent. They’ll help you understand how to approach your boyfriend or husband in a way that will get him to talk.
1. Men Go Quiet When They Are Stressed or Overwhelmed
The by far most common reason why men go silent in relationships is: because they are stressed or overwhelmed by their job or school. This kind of silence can also be related to family emergencies, injuries, or other external problems.
Some people process their issues by rambling about them, while others go quiet and try to recover on their own.
This is particularly common if your boyfriend or husband is an introvert. Rather than talk to you about what’s going on for him, his first reaction to stress is going to be going silent and trying to lose himself in gaming, binge-watching series etc.
When this happens, women often panic and become more anxious or even needy. This in turn only makes their husbands or boyfriends even more stressed or overwhelmed, so much so, they might ask for a relationship break because of it.
2. Guys Go Silent When They’re Struggling With a Big Issue
This reason is a slightly more serious variation of the previous one. All of us go through some major changes in life and can start doubting our relationships as a result of it.
Quite a few coaching clients of ours come to us with this problem. Their partners became silent for no apparent reason, only to then find out that they were actually questioning all their life choices, were in a life crisis, were unsure of their sexuality or suddenly became unsure about wanting commitment.
The reason for your partner’s silence in this case could be that this particular issue seems so vulnerable or insurmountable, they don’t even dare start talking about it.
Or they themselves might not even be aware of what’s truly going on.
When this is the case, it might take some digging before you can find out why exactly your boyfriend or husband went silent all of a sudden.
3. Men Can Give You Silent Treatment When They’re Hurt
This is the first out of the five reasons why men go silent that actually is directly related to you and your relationship.
Silent treatment is definitely not the healthiest of responses to feeling hurt, nevertheless, it’s extremely common.
Both men and women do it, especially in the context of romantic relationships.
Admitting that something you said or did hurt him might feel too risky or too vulnerable. It’s much easier for a man to just hold a silent grudge and hope that you get the hint.
This reason often goes hand in hand with any of the previous ones. Sometimes men try to communicate things, but they end up feeling like their attempts fall on deaf ears.
This might happen when you react defensively or ignore what he says. Or when what he is saying is just too vague, or when he just shuts down way too easily.
Either way, when your boyfriend or husband tries to tell you something, but it doesn’t land the way he wanted, he might end up feeling dismissed.
He might then be too discouraged to try again and will go quite simply because he feels like he is out of options.
This kind of reaction is particularly common for shy or emotionally unavailable men. It’s one of the reasons why it’s so hard to get them to open up.
5. Men Get Quiet in Relationships When They Don’t Know How to Communicate Their Needs
Last but not least, another common reason why men become quiet in relationships is because they have never learned how to communicate.
Talking about feelings and emotions is often a taboo, even more so for guys than it is for women. You might feel like your boyfriend or husband is becoming distant or giving you silent treatment, when in reality he is simply struggling with talking about where he is at and what’s going on.
Bunkering in and brooding is the only way he knows how to process his emotions.
So he is not shutting you out on purpose but simply because to him, that’s all there is.
He is used to being alone with his problems and accepts it as an inevitability.
In these situations, when a man goes silent, it is his loudest cry. It’s the only way he can communicate to you that something is up and that he needs your help.
Should You Give Him Space When He Goes Quiet
I know that for a lot of you guys, your first reaction to a man going silent in a relationship is to give him space. You hope that distancing yourself from him will be enough to get things to return to normal.
This can be a good approach when the reasons for his silence are not too severe or constant.
For example, if your boyfriend and husband is stressed with a work project and goes quiet because of it, you can just wait it out. Once the worst blows over, or the project ends, he will return to normal on his own.
Things become more difficult if the source of his silence is a long term problem.
Like a job that’s just constantly stressing him out, family issues that are not going away or a life crisis, a personality crisis, etc.
When your boyfriend or husband is struggling with something more severe, giving him space might only lead to him becoming even more quiet and distant.
How to Get a Silent Man to Talk
The key to getting a brooding man to talk is to make the conversation about him and not about yourself. Telling him how YOU feel and what YOU need will most likely only make him shut down further.
Making room for where HE is at and what HE needs, on the other hand, will get him talking to you in no time.
This is how you can support him in whatever he is going through and get him to open up to you again. It’s also how you can speed up his recovery so that your relationship can return to normal sooner.
If you’re looking for more step-by-step guide on how to make this happen, it’s something we cover in detail in our online course: Rebuild Your Relationship
Here, we will give you phrases you can use to help your boyfriend and husband feel heard and understood. It’s the only way to get past his silence and get him to finally be more open and trusting again.
We always believed that relationships should be FUN and uplifting! And we were obsessed with finding real-world practical solutions for our relationship problems. Today we help others do the same with our blog.
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