So if you’ve experienced him being increasingly unavailable, and it feels like he’s barely noticing you during sex, then it’s a definite sign he is losing interest.
7. Does he avoid you at events or parties?
Social engagements with your partner are fun, right? — Or are they?
There are few things more humiliating than going to an event with him, whereupon arriving, he immediately ducks out and avoids you like the plague throughout the evening.
Especially if you see him laughing and enjoying himself with others -or worse, with other women.
Unless you’ve had a big fight just before the party that left you both fuming and ignoring each other, there is no reason for him to be acting this way, unless of course he is no longer partial towards you…
8. Is he paying more attention to other women than to you?
It’s perfectly common for either of you to sneak a guilty glance at an attractive passer by every once in a while.
But if he’s making a habit of it, is talking to other women, and giving them more attention than he does to you, that’s a definite RED-ALERT!
(Whether these interactions are in person or online.)
You are his partner and as such, deserve to have priority and exclusivity when it comes to his attention.
So if you feel like second place, like he doesn’t love you anymore, and he’s endlessly taking more time for other women than he does for you, take it as a definite sign that he is losing interest.
9. Does he seem to be on autopilot with you?
We can all get overwhelmed with our demanding lives and the people in it at times…
So we zone out, put on cruise control and meander through our day just to make it home for some shut-eye. During these times we’re inattentive, easily distracted and unfocused.
I’m sure you’ve experienced this inattentive side of him too, and that’s perfectly okay from TIME TO TIME:
“Sorry, did you say something?”
“Yeah, honey of course… — what?”
“Sure, sure, whatever you say”
But if him not listening, being unresponsive or not being present with you is STANDARD procedure, where he’s constantly on autopilot and drifts off, then that’s another sign for you.
10. Is he taking more liberties with bad behavior?
We all have our limits, and it can be especially difficult to keep your cool in long-term relationships. Since you’ve known each other for such a long time and are familiar with the others’ tendencies and patterns…
But if you find that he’s showing and expressing his frustration without restraint, and is on bad behavior, it’s something to keep an eye on.
Because when partners lose interest in their relationship, they take even more liberties to act out of line and risk sabotaging things further!
So if this fits for you, consider it a final sign.
How many signs fit for you? Remember, the more fit, the likelier it is that he is unfortunately losing interest.
Especially if you’re at 6 signs or more.
But I want you to check in with yourself as well, though. Do you FEEL like he’s losing interest? What does your gut tell you?
It’s also helpful to listen to your own instincts to give you a clearer answer.
Now, if your answer is ‘Yes, I believe he is losing interest’.
Then the obvious next question would be…
How do I make him interested again?
First, let me say that you’re in a good position here.
Good in that you’ve noticed something was off early enough to act and PREVENT things from escalating further!
Many of our coaching clients make the unfortunate mistake of missing the signs that he’s losing interest and only retrospectively recognizing them once their partner has already become an ex-partner.
And it’s much harder to reverse a breakup, than it is to pre-empt a breakup.
Regardless of how intense your arguments may be or what the disagreements are.
Him hitting you does NOT solve anything or help anyone.
And the fact that you’re asking yourself ‘Is it okay for my boyfriend to hit me?’ shows just how badly he’s treating you.
Now, you may have heard these words before…
People close to you might have repeatedly told you that it’s definitely NOT okay for your boyfriend to hit you and that you need to get the hell away from him.
That he’s no good and only harming you. That you deserve better and shouldn’t tolerate him any longer…
And in theory you agree and think that you ought to do all of these things.
But it’s not quite so simple, is it…?
You love him and might even feel responsible for what he does. You may have negative voices in your head that justify him hitting you:
“You deserved it.”
“It’s for your own good.”
“You needed to be reminded of your place.”
“It’s because he cares.”
These are of course all lies.
But nonetheless, what seems like a clear decision to outsiders, feels like a muddled mess of fear, love, and familiarity to you on the inside.
It’s as though you’re trapped in a foggy prison with walls you cannot see nor touch. But they are there.
And at times you may not be sure you want to even leave…
I’m describing it as such because I too was hit (though in a different context, but more on that later) but it took me a long time to understand what was actually done to me and how it affected me.
And only then was I able to unshackle the hold it had on me!
So in this post, I am going to try to meet you where you’re at, while laying out a path that will help you find emotional clarity, gain confidence and liberate you to make your own choices.
There are TWO KEY POINTS that I want to convey today:
1. Your boyfriend is manipulating you with lies to maintain power & control
2. You need to stop believing his lies to finally free yourself
I’ll explain these in more detail as we go along.
Safety First-If Your Situation Is Extreme
Emergency situations should not be diminished and need to be addressed first.
If you are in an extreme situation where your boyfriend is very violent, and you fear for your life, then you need to act now.
I know it may not be easy, but when your safety is at stake, you need to prioritize yourself:
1. Secretly do research on nearby women’s shelters (a quick google search will help) or arrange to stay with friends or family that you know you can trust.
2. Secretly pack your essentials when you know he won’t be back for a while, and leave without him suspecting anything.
3. Build a support network to protect yourself and so you do not slip back into his influence. You can do this through a women’s shelter, support hotlines or what I recommend are support groups, (You can search & find local and online support via Google or Facebook groups)
Again, it may feel like too much too soon. But when your boyfriend is hitting you to a point where you don’t know if you’ll make it through the day, it’s a situation that needs to be taken very seriously.
You DON’T deserve this kind of treatment.
Making Sense Of Your Situation – The Trap of Physical Abuse
When your boyfriend hits you (especially over a longer time) you might feel disoriented and checked out.
It can leave you CONFUSED about what is right or wrong and make it hard to make sense of your situation.
Which is why we’re going to explain the psychological trap of physical abuse, so that you have a better understanding and clarity of what exactly is going on.
Why Your Boyfriend Resorts To Hitting You
Once upon a time, there was a boy whose parents frequently and unjustifiably hit him.
Sometimes his parents would fight between each other and one of them would hit the other.
But often he was the easy target, and they would call him names, tell him that he was bad, that he deserved to be hit and “It’s for your own good!”
That boy then grew to be a man. A man who unfortunately never put his parents’ treatment of him into question…
He buried all of his fear, anger, rage, and shame deep deep inside and justified or denied it all.
So you’ve been through a heart-breaking journey of a breakup with him and might have even come to finally accept that it’s truly over…
… Only for him to come BACK to you after his rebound relationships didn’t work out.
Talk about him adding insult to injury.
You likely have questions and mixed feelings about it all:
“Why did he come back after the rebound relationships?”
“Should I even take him back just because he changed his mind?”
“How do I know he won’t do it again?”
“Should I talk to him about his rebound?”
Some of you might also be wondering about the psychology of a rebound and what it all means to him.
And in today’s post I’m going to answer these questions, help you address your doubts and find the clarity you need to make a clear decision.
Let’s first talk about the elephant in the room…
Can A Man Fall In Love With A Rebound Relationship?
Yes, a man can fall in love with a rebound relationship.
He may have moved on very fast after your breakup, but what’s important to keep in mind here is that it takes TIME to develop earnest feelings in a relationship!
So if his rebound lasted all of a couple of weeks, it’s really nothing you need to worry about.
He may be infatuated, but definitely is not in love.
And if it was months, she’s still got nothing on you because chances are your relationship with him was longer.
Again, time counts for A LOT, because you’ve bonded, have shared memories and KNOW each other well.
There are few things that are more attractive than the familiarity of someone knowing and getting you…
So if him falling in love with his rebound is a concern to you, my advice is, don’t worry about it too much and focus on rebuilding things with him. Because that’s what will actually count in the long run.
Why Exes Come Back After A Failed Relationship
Exes come back after a failed relationship because the rebound (often no longer than a few weeks or months) didn’t work out the way they’d imagined.
You see, when a guy wants to break up, he believes that the grass is greener on the other side.
He likely thinks that the problems you’ve faced in your relationship, that escalated to the breakup, are – for the most part – of your making.
Break up and go find someone who doesn’t make things difficult.
But you and I both know that things aren’t quite so simple in relationships. Everybody brings their own emotional baggage to the table.
Moving on to a new relationship does NOT make his issues magically evaporate!
Quite the contrary.
He obviously takes them with him into his rebound relationship that’s about to go wrong. And within a few weeks or months, he’s shocked to discover very similar conflicts arising in his new relationship.
Which bursts his bubble as he realizes that leaving you did not miraculously solve all his relationship problems.
He took his issues into the rebound relationship because he hasn’t resolved them!
If you can’t talk to your husband without him getting angry, deep down you likely feel very frustrated with him by now. It’s hard to be with a man who has no room for where you’re at and what you need.
What’s more, this kind of situation cannot last.
Your needs matter and you deserve to be heard in your relationship!
In this blog post, I’ll explain why men act this way and what you can do to get past your husband’s defensiveness, so that he can finally hear you out.
Why Does My Husband Get Mad At Me So Easily?
When you can’t talk to your husband without him getting angry, it’s hard not to take it personally and blame yourself. What did I do to deserve this? Am I unreasonable or overreacting?
In reality, your husband’s short temper has much more to do with his upbringing than it does with you. None of us goes through life unscathed, we all bring our baggage with us into our relationships.
Your husband getting mad so easily is his emotional baggage.
And there are usually three underlying reasons/components to it:
This Is Likely How His Caregivers Talked To Each Other Or To Him
We all learn from our parents and other role models, and then repeat their behavior, often without even realizing that we’re doing it. Your husband might be intuitively reacting this way, simply because he has seen it done this way before.
Maybe his parents got mad every time one of them needed something from the other. Or they often reacted this way when he wanted something from them or one of them.
These kinds of experiences can govern your life and make you blindly repeat the cycle.
So much so, your husband might even believe that getting mad is how you’re supposed to talk to a loved one. Which brings me to my next point.
He Never Learned How To Communicate
If you can’t talk to your husband without him getting angry, then chances are he never learned how to communicate and consequently, he can’t do it, at least not in a romantic relationship.
He might not understand what the purpose of you telling him things is. He is also likely unable to express his feelings in a non-aggressive way.
Much like riding a bicycle, communication in a relationship is a skill. You need to learn it and then practice it, to be able to do it. Your husband likely never got a chance to develop this particular ability. This is why he is so bad at it…
In order to deal with a short-tempered husband, you’re going to have to take charge and make it happen. You’ll have to be the bigger person. You’re the adult here, and he is currently acting like a rebellious teenager.
This is why, you will have to keep your cool, calm him down and explain that this is important, and you just need him to listen.
2. Set Boundaries When He Gets Angry
The second component of dealing with a husband who gets angry easily are boundaries. This is how you can protect yourself and cut his attacks short.
It’s also how you can make it clear to him that his reaction is not helpful to either of you.
If he keeps on getting angry, you’ll have to set boundaries to teach him that it’s not ok to talk to you this way.
3. Encourage His Efforts, As Small As They Might Be
The third part of dealing with a short-tempered husband is to validate him when he does get something right, no matter how small it might be. Even if it’s just a fraction of what you were trying to communicate.
It’s the only way that will actually encourage him to do more and try harder!
If you’re looking for a step-by-step guide on how to get a man to listen to you, we cover this in our online course Rebuild Your Relationship.
Here you’ll find phrases on what to say to get your husband to pay attention and take you seriously. We’ll also teach you how to set boundaries with him when he does get angry.
This way, you’ll be fully prepared and able to get through to him, without things escalating into an argument.
With that out of the way, let’s finally talk about…
How To Make Him Miss You
In order to get him to chase you, there are essential Do’s you’ll want to implement and definite Don’ts to keep a close eye on.
The combination of the do’s and don’ts is what really leads to a successful result of him missing you.
8 Essential Do’s To Get Him To Miss You
Let’s start with the things you should definitely be doing. Don’t overwhelm yourself with trying to do ALL of these. Rather, pick out a few that you feel you can do.
1. Do spend time apart
As the age-old adage goes, Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
So don’t be afraid to spend some time apart. Otherwise, how else will he discover that he misses you?
And to be clear, when I say ‘time apart’ I don’t mean a couple of hours. I mean days or even up to a week.
Let him realize you’re not indefinitely sticking around, so that he can feel a longing to see you and touch you again.
He’s wondering: “Where is she at?”
2. Do pursue your own passions
You know what makes spending time apart a WHOLE lot easier on you?
That’s right, pursuing your own passions.
I get that he might BE your passion, but if you want him to miss you, you’re gonna have to let him feel that he’s not the center of your universe.
Go on that trip you’ve talked about for years, take lessons for that instrument you’ve longed to learn, visit a studio where you can let loose with paints on a giant canvas.
Whatever your neglected passions are, breathe life into- and revive them!
He’s jealous: “Is she pursuing her passions more than she’s chasing me?”
3. Do Spend time with friends
When we’re crushing hard on someone, or are desperately in love, we can forget to spend time with the friends in our lives whose company we so thoroughly enjoyed before that special someone came along.
So, if this is you, then consider taking time to meet up and catch up. Even if it’s that friend who’s moved across the pond or the penpal from way back when who sometimes crosses your mind.
Moving other people into your focus will help nurture old connections and you’ll feel less alone. And in turn, it will help HIM notice that you’re around less and slowly make him miss you.
He’s surprised: “Since when does she prioritize her friends over me?”
4. Do something truly thoughtful for him…
Assuming you know each other long enough (about 4+ months), you can surprise him with a thoughtful gesture or gift.
What’s paramount here, is that it’s truly for him and not for an effect. Spend time to figure out what he’d truly appreciate and would hit home.
Ideally, it’s something that does not require you to actually meet in person.
This way he doesn’t think that you’re just trying to reel him in, but are genuinely wanting to make him happy. No strings attached.
He’s moved, but suspicious: “What’s she planning…?”
5. …And don’t follow up
In today’s day and age of technology, the chances are slim that he didn’t receive or catch wind of your gesture/gift. So assume that he’s gotten it and is mulling over what it means, maybe he’s even suspicious.
This is why NOT following up can be even more powerful. Because you’re letting him know that you’re not doing it to invoke a reaction from him.
You’re doing it because you care about him. This will make him miss you like CRAZY.
He’s touched: “That was… incredibly thoughtful of her.”
6. Do continue demonstrating your value
If he happens to be the one initiating and reaching out to you, think of these moments as opportunities to remind him of what he values so much about you and ISN’T currently getting.
The qualities you bring to the table are what initially attracted him to you, so refreshing his memory about said qualities will make him miss you and want more.
And you can absolutely tease him here! Be playful and give him a little something, but leave him wanting more.
He’s fighting feelings: “I’m starting to miss her…”
7. Do Post yourself on social media
Another means of getting him to miss you is to show off yourself and your life on social media.
Combining this with what we’ve discussed above, will REALLY get him to notice your absence and want you around again. This means, posting yourself pursuing your passions and meeting with your friends.
He’ll long to be a part of all the good and exciting things going on in your life and won’t want to miss out anymore.
He’s experiencing FOMO: “I wish I was there with her.”
8. Do seduce him
It’s a game as old as time and will never lose its relevance; seduction is the name and bedding is the game.
If you feel like he’s receptive, don’t hesitate to flirt and seduce him. Remind him of all the good stuff he’s missing out on.
Be merciless, torture him, let him feel the pain of not having you in his life.
It goes without saying that you should do all of this in your own style and in whichever way you feel comfortable with!
Whether that’s endless teasing, sexting, sending provocative pictures or anything else you can imagine. You make the rules.
He’s clawing walls: “I must have her NOW!”
5 Definite Don’ts To Get Him To Miss You
Now, with the don’ts you’ll want to try to avoid ALL of them. I know it’s easier said than done, especially when this guy is totally crush worthy -or even more. But do your best to avoid these to increase your chances of getting him to miss you.
1. Don’t chase him
Being chased can be endearing and flattering for the first few days, but then it mostly becomes very off-putting for guys.
As difficult as it may be for you, not chasing him plays a part in how to get him to miss you.
Because how is he supposed to notice your absence if he never gets the chance?
So chasing him is a no-no.
2. Don’t over-text or over-call
A common way of chasing is of course over-texting and over-calling.
This often leads to him being hesitant or taking his sweet time to answer you.
Which in turn can fuel your need to over-text or call, which will then make him even less responsive or even ghost you.
It becomes a vicious cycle. And if you want him to miss you, then over-texting and over-calling are unfortunately not on the menu.
3. Don’t try to convince him of feelings
If you’ve found yourself speaking his feelings for him, you might be falling into the trap of trying to convince him of how you’d LIKE him to feel.
Because he’ll make it so hard for you to get a read on him, that you will naturally want to try to fill in the blanks.
But the danger here is that his silence can lead to you speaking how you hope he feels, rather than how he ACTUALLY feels. Which in turn often leads to guys distancing themselves and definitely not missing you.
So avoiding this behavior is another important ‘don’t’, so that it doesn’t stand in the way of getting him to miss you.
4. Don’t persuade him to meet
I know it can be difficult to hold out when you really want to see him, especially if it’s been a while…
But if you’re intending on persuading him to meet you, know that this will certainly not help you reach your goal.
When your husband or boyfriend becomes quiet all of a sudden, it can be very unsettling. Having a man distance himself this way, often sends women into a bit of a spiral of self-doubt and panic.
“What’s going on?”, “Is he hiding something from me?”, “Why is he being this way out all of a sudden?”
What makes this situation worse is when you confront men about their silence, then often only brush it off as nothing and continue brooding…
First off, you’re right to be worrying about this!
Something is up with him. What’s more, this kind of silence is frequently a precursor to a breakup or even divorce.
Men can act in the strangest of ways, and they sabotage relationships too!
Going quiet or resorting to silent treatment is one of the most common ways of how they do it.
In this blog post, I will explain this male behavior and outline the five biggest reasons why and when men go silent. They’ll help you understand how to approach your boyfriend or husband in a way that will get him to talk.
1. Men Go Quiet When They Are Stressed or Overwhelmed
The by far most common reason why men go silent in relationships is: because they are stressed or overwhelmed by their job or school. This kind of silence can also be related to family emergencies, injuries, or other external problems.
Some people process their issues by rambling about them, while others go quiet and try to recover on their own.
This is particularly common if your boyfriend or husband is an introvert. Rather than talk to you about what’s going on for him, his first reaction to stress is going to be going silent and trying to lose himself in gaming, binge-watching series etc.
2. Guys Go Silent When They’re Struggling With a Big Issue
This reason is a slightly more serious variation of the previous one. All of us go through some major changes in life and can start doubting our relationships as a result of it.
Quite a few coaching clients of ours come to us with this problem. Their partners became silent for no apparent reason, only to then find out that they were actually questioning all their life choices, were in a life crisis, were unsure of their sexuality or suddenly became unsure about wanting commitment.
The reason for your partner’s silence in this case could be that this particular issue seems so vulnerable or insurmountable, they don’t even dare start talking about it.
Or they themselves might not even be aware of what’s truly going on.
When this is the case, it might take some digging before you can find out why exactly your boyfriend or husband went silent all of a sudden.
This reason often goes hand in hand with any of the previous ones. Sometimes men try to communicate things, but they end up feeling like their attempts fall on deaf ears.
This might happen when you react defensively or ignore what he says. Or when what he is saying is just too vague, or when he just shuts down way too easily.
Either way, when your boyfriend or husband tries to tell you something, but it doesn’t land the way he wanted, he might end up feeling dismissed.
He might then be too discouraged to try again and will go quite simply because he feels like he is out of options.
This kind of reaction is particularly common for shy or emotionally unavailable men. It’s one of the reasons why it’s so hard to get them to open up.
5. Men Get Quiet in Relationships When They Don’t Know How to Communicate Their Needs
Last but not least, another common reason why men become quiet in relationships is because they have never learned how to communicate.
Talking about feelings and emotions is often a taboo, even more so for guys than it is for women. You might feel like your boyfriend or husband is becoming distant or giving you silent treatment, when in reality he is simply struggling with talking about where he is at and what’s going on.
Bunkering in and brooding is the only way he knows how to process his emotions.
So he is not shutting you out on purpose but simply because to him, that’s all there is.
He is used to being alone with his problems and accepts it as an inevitability.
In these situations, when a man goes silent, it is his loudest cry. It’s the only way he can communicate to you that something is up and that he needs your help.
Should You Give Him Space When He Goes Quiet
I know that for a lot of you guys, your first reaction to a man going silent in a relationship is to give him space. You hope that distancing yourself from him will be enough to get things to return to normal.
This can be a good approach when the reasons for his silence are not too severe or constant.
For example, if your boyfriend and husband is stressed with a work project and goes quiet because of it, you can just wait it out. Once the worst blows over, or the project ends, he will return to normal on his own.
Things become more difficult if the source of his silence is a long term problem.
Like a job that’s just constantly stressing him out, family issues that are not going away or a life crisis, a personality crisis, etc.
When your boyfriend or husband is struggling with something more severe, giving him space might only lead to him becoming even more quiet and distant.
How to Get a Silent Man to Talk
The key to getting a brooding man to talk is to make the conversation about him and not about yourself. Telling him how YOU feel and what YOU need will most likely only make him shut down further.
Making room for where HE is at and what HE needs, on the other hand, will get him talking to you in no time.
This is how you can support him in whatever he is going through and get him to open up to you again. It’s also how you can speed up his recovery so that your relationship can return to normal sooner.
If you’re looking for more step-by-step guide on how to make this happen, it’s something we cover in detail in our online course: Rebuild Your Relationship
Here, we will give you phrases you can use to help your boyfriend and husband feel heard and understood. It’s the only way to get past his silence and get him to finally be more open and trusting again.
We always believed that relationships should be FUN and uplifting! And we were obsessed with finding real-world practical solutions for our relationship problems. Today we help others do the same with our blog.