Are you feeling worried or anxious? Maybe even a little panicked that your man is losing interest in you?
The other day he may have been a little inattentive, dismissive or snappy with you. Or when you want to snuggle or have sex, he’s just always “Not in the mood right now…”
He seems to prefer spending more time with others -or his phone- and avoids prolonged eye-contact, and might even straight up disappear without a word and leave you alone.
It’s normal for the honeymoon phase to fade, but there are degrees at which relationships deteriorate. And since you’re here, it’s likely feeling critical…
Now, however he is communicating his disinterest, I’m here to help you with that.
First by clarifying whether he is actually losing interest with the help of 10 signs for you to look out for.
And secondly, we’ll get into what you can do to COUNTER-STEER him not taking notice of you.
Hi, I’m Gabriel and I run this blog with my wife Karolina. In this post, I’ll be evaluating your situation and answering your questions, while giving you direction from a man’s perspective.
So let’s take a deep breath…. Relax on the exhale, and do this together.
10 Signs He Is Losing Interest In You
There are many indicators that you’ll need to look out for, some more subtle, others rather blatant.
Look out for the following signs and see how many fit for you. The more do, the clearer the unfortunate answer that you are losing him.
But don’t worry, even if you’re on the unlucky side of things, we’ll cover what you can do to remedy your situation and draw him back in -right after we cover these signs!
1. Is he emotionally withdrawing since more than a week?
One of the first things a man will do when he’s losing interest is emotionally withdraw from you.
Where you once felt an air of warmth, charm and love emanating from him, you now feel quite the opposite.
He seems… distant, reserved and has gone silent -in an almost UNKIND manner.
When your man has been this way for more than a week and continues to be, then you have your first sign that he is losing interest.
2. Does he avoid physical touch?
Physical touch is a large part of what distinguishes platonic relationships from romantic ones.
And I’m sure you appreciate and crave closeness just like anybody else. You and your partner will have your familiar ways of touching, being affectionate, and loving towards one another.
So when he suddenly starts avoiding physical touch, it’s likely something you notice pretty QUICKLY.
When you seek a reassuring touch, he might avoid it, move your hands off of himself or even walk away from you without a word.
If a man is AVOIDING your physical touch in this way, consider it another sign that he is losing interest.
3. Is he avoiding eye contact with you?
Did you know that the human face has 42 individual muscles? This is what allows us to express so much complex emotion with our partner without even exchanging a word.
And it’s when your eyes meet that you read each other’s facial expressions to determine what the other side is feeling and thinking… It plays a large role in how we connect.
Avoiding eye contact is a means of not connecting, of NOT LETTING someone read you, because they don’t want to let you in.
So if he is not meeting your gaze or avoiding eye contact, it is a sign that he is distancing himself and becoming less attentive.
4. Does he have an excuse ready every time you want to be intimate?
Intimacy, arguably, plays the biggest part in what makes a romantic relationship -romantic!
It is a beautiful means of deeply connecting, exploring and getting to know each other in new and exciting ways every time.
One that you don’t just share with anybody, because it carries a lot of meaning.
So if he has an excuse ready every time you desire intimacy:
“I’m tired…”
“I want to go workout”
“I’m meeting friends”
“I can’t, I’m busy with work”
And if it’s been a few weeks since you had sex, or he avoids sex altogether (and it’s not caused by understandable physical complications that got in the way)…
…then it is an indication he is losing interest in you and a cause for concern.
5. Have you suggested activities together, that he keeps declining?
When you feel something is off in your relationship, your reaction may be to fix it by reconnecting with an activity together.
Sports, games, museum visits, whatever shared interests you previously had will likely have come to mind.
But when you propose activities that you know for a fact he likes, and he repeatedly refuses them, then something is definitely off…
6. Is he distant during sex?
Although couples often develop routines for their time between the sheets and their sex might look like the same thing over and over again, it can actually FEEL very different each time.
Because where your partner is at emotionally and mentally translates all the way down to his fingertips and across into your body…
This goes the other way around too, of course.
Where you guys are coming from in your lovemaking can make it feel like cloud nine or crappy.
And when he’s distant or absent during sex, you will FEEL and notice that!
So if you’ve experienced him being increasingly unavailable, and it feels like he’s barely noticing you during sex, then it’s a definite sign he is losing interest.
7. Does he avoid you at events or parties?
Social engagements with your partner are fun, right? — Or are they?
There are few things more humiliating than going to an event with him, whereupon arriving, he immediately ducks out and avoids you like the plague throughout the evening.
Especially if you see him laughing and enjoying himself with others -or worse, with other women.
Unless you’ve had a big fight just before the party that left you both fuming and ignoring each other, there is no reason for him to be acting this way, unless of course he is no longer partial towards you…
8. Is he paying more attention to other women than to you?
It’s perfectly common for either of you to sneak a guilty glance at an attractive passer by every once in a while.
But if he’s making a habit of it, is talking to other women, and giving them more attention than he does to you, that’s a definite RED-ALERT!
(Whether these interactions are in person or online.)
You are his partner and as such, deserve to have priority and exclusivity when it comes to his attention.
So if you feel like second place, like he doesn’t love you anymore, and he’s endlessly taking more time for other women than he does for you, take it as a definite sign that he is losing interest.
9. Does he seem to be on autopilot with you?
We can all get overwhelmed with our demanding lives and the people in it at times…
So we zone out, put on cruise control and meander through our day just to make it home for some shut-eye. During these times we’re inattentive, easily distracted and unfocused.
I’m sure you’ve experienced this inattentive side of him too, and that’s perfectly okay from TIME TO TIME:
“Sorry, did you say something?”
“Yeah, honey of course… — what?”
“Sure, sure, whatever you say”
But if him not listening, being unresponsive or not being present with you is STANDARD procedure, where he’s constantly on autopilot and drifts off, then that’s another sign for you.
10. Is he taking more liberties with bad behavior?
We all have our limits, and it can be especially difficult to keep your cool in long-term relationships. Since you’ve known each other for such a long time and are familiar with the others’ tendencies and patterns…
But if you find that he’s showing and expressing his frustration without restraint, and is on bad behavior, it’s something to keep an eye on.
Because when partners lose interest in their relationship, they take even more liberties to act out of line and risk sabotaging things further!
So if this fits for you, consider it a final sign.
Conclusion
How many signs fit for you? Remember, the more fit, the likelier it is that he is unfortunately losing interest.
Especially if you’re at 6 signs or more.
But I want you to check in with yourself as well, though. Do you FEEL like he’s losing interest? What does your gut tell you?
It’s also helpful to listen to your own instincts to give you a clearer answer.
Now, if your answer is ‘Yes, I believe he is losing interest’.
Then the obvious next question would be…
How do I make him interested again?
First, let me say that you’re in a good position here.
Good in that you’ve noticed something was off early enough to act and PREVENT things from escalating further!
Many of our coaching clients make the unfortunate mistake of missing the signs that he’s losing interest and only retrospectively recognizing them once their partner has already become an ex-partner.
And it’s much harder to reverse a breakup, than it is to pre-empt a breakup.
In this course, we’ll help you identify what is making him lose interest and distance himself. Including the how to dissolve the issues that have been piling up in your relationship.
And finally, you’ll learn our step-by-step guide to win back your man’s heart and secure your relationship for good.
Your boyfriend broke up with you, and now you’re wondering: Is this it? Or is he going to come back to me?
In most cases, male dumpers always come back sooner or later. There are a few exceptions to this rule, though.
My then boyfriend, now husband, broke up with me three times in the first years of our relationship. He would always eventually start becoming interested and chase me again. We’re happily married now, so I’m living proof that guys come back after dumping you.
At this point, I’ve also coached hundreds of women on how to get their ex back. Many of them were asking me this very question: Is he ever going to come back? In about 90% of cases, the answer was always YES.
Our attachments are far stronger than most of us would like to believe. It’s not any easier for him to let go, than it is for you. Being the dumper, gives your ex power and control, though. Because of this, he might be acting cool or careless.
But the moment you manage to take the power away from him, he will start having second thoughts and hovering around you again.
In this blog post, I will explain why dumpers act this way and what you can expect of your ex.
Will He Miss Me After Dumping Me?
If your breakup is fresh, you must still be in the midst of an emotional storm. Being broken up with is tough. It takes a toll on your self-esteem, makes you miserable and desperate.
When you’ve just been abandoned this way, you might be wondering: Is he as upset as I am? Doesn’t he feel heartbroken about losing me too?
And if a few days or weeks have already passed, you’ve observed your ex’s behavior since then, and HE SEEMS FINE. You must be breaking your head, thinking: Why is he acting so cool? Doesn’t he miss me at all?!
Most dumpers will miss you, however, they will not miss you nearly as much as you will miss them.
The person who decides to break up generally feels confident that they could reverse it, if they chose to. This gives your ex a false sense of safety and security, that then allows him to remain cool and composed.
You might be heartbroken over losing him, meanwhile he doesn’t feel like he lost you, so why should he be upset…
To him, it’s as though you’re just taking some time apart. He might be a little sad, a little lonely, but it’s a far cry from where you’re at.
What Makes a Man Come Back After a Breakup
A dumper lives in a delusion that he is in control, you’re crazy about him, you’re more attached than he is etc. Because of this, he might stay distant and act careless without worrying about the consequences.
However, once his delusion starts to fade a little and your ex starts feeling like he is losing control over you, he will come back.
When he stops knowing what you’re up to, or your behavior suddenly changes: you’re not crying or chasing him the whole time, that’s when doubts will slowly start creeping in, and he will then try to sneakily regain that sense of control.
Some men don’t dare to or can’t come back on their own.
But they will do small things to get your attention and check if you’re still hooked or not. Like viewing or reacting to your posts and stories, posting things that are meant for you, or finding an excuse to pop by (even if it is to pick up their things from your place).
How Often Do Male Dumpers Come Back
In my experience, 9 out of 10 times male dumpers come back, but not to get back together right away.
They start finding excuses to talk, check if you still care and are interested, or if things can change (if they broke up because of some relationship problem).
Especially if he said you were perfect and then dumped you for no good reason, the chances of him coming back are close to 100%. It’s a sign you’re loving someone with avoidant attachment, your relationship seemed too good to be true, so he sabotaged it.
Avoidants often need extra encouragement in the beginning. But they will always find their way back to you, as long as you don’t reject them too hard.
What Makes a Guy Not Come Back After a Breakup
There are a few cases when guys don’t come back after they dump you. They are more on the rare side, but they do happen. If any of the following situations fits your case, there is really no point for you to wait for him.
If He Broke up With You, to Get You to Chase Him
Much like women, men can sometimes give you the cold shoulder to get you to prove to him that you care. He can be doing it as a last resort, to get his point across, or because, according to him, he was making much more effort in the relationship than you were.
Needless to say, if this is the case, he will most likely not come back on his own.
When this is the case, you will need to come his way first and prove to him that you care as much as he does.
He Might Not Come Back if You Were Ignoring His Boundaries
The second case scenario when a male dumper might not come back is when your breakup became very messy.
There are cases when a guy breaking up or withdrawing, triggers something in you. A frenzy takes over, makes you act a bit crazy and you override all his boundaries.
Everybody gets desperate after being broken up with, I did, many of our clients did too. However, there are some rare cases that take it to an extreme and drive their ex away completely.
If you’ve been over texting, popping by his flat or house or work, crying, begging, convincing him, you might have sabotaged your chances for good.
He may never come back after this and will definitely not come back any time soon.
If you did this and are now blocked on everything, know that any further pursuit of your ex will only make your situation worse.
How Long Until a Male Dumper Comes Back
Here, I want to differentiate between your ex coming back after dumping you vs getting back together, because these are two very different timelines.
There are cases when an ex comes back, says he was an idiot and wants to go back to being in a relationship right away. But they’re very rare, and you actually have to wait much longer.
This could happen if he moved on very fast, his rebound failed, and he is desperate to have you back afterward.
Most male dumpers will start coming back, the moment you send them subtle signals that you might be moving on.
So this actually depends on you. It tends to take anywhere from one week to six months.
As long as you’re chasing him, he will have no reason to come back.
But the moment you make him feel like you might be slipping away, he will find a way to check in and ensure that it doesn’t happen.
Why Some Men Come Back Months Later
In certain cases, men take much longer to start warming up to you again. Some men come back months later because you continue chasing them.
As long as you’re fuelling your ex’s sense of security by: telling him you miss him, needing things from him, telling him you love him, he will have no reason to really miss you, let alone start worrying about losing you.
Even if these are rare instances that only happen once every few weeks. By acting desperate (even occasionally) you can keep your ex at bay for MONTHS.
Another reason why an ex might take this long to come back to you is when he got into a rebound relationship. When this is the case, having a new girlfriend will keep him busy and preoccupied. Initially, he will go through a honeymoon phase with her.
People tend to get into rebound relationships on a whim, though. This is why they’re often terrible matches that inevitably fail.
When a man comes back months later, chances are his rebound went wrong, and he is ready to try to fix things with you instead.
Is Doing No Contact the Best Way to Get a Male Dumper to Come Back
No contact is definitely a better way to approach your ex than chasing him, crying, begging, convincing etc. However, it has its limits too.
What you want to watch out for is doing ‘no contact’, then to only relapse into desperation, followed by doing more no contact.
Every time you’re acting desperate, you’ll be undoing all the progress and further fuelling your ex’s sense of safety and control. This is the road that will make you drift apart.
Not interacting with him alone will not make your ex come back. What’s more, men are actually quite sensitive to rejection.
In my experience, applying the no contact rule for longer than two weeks doesn’t benefit him. At that point, you’re just drifting further and further apart.
This is why we actually recommend that our coaching clients apply the limited contact rule instead.
By keeping in touch with your ex, you can undermine his false sense of safety much sooner. It also allows you to make sure that you don’t reject your ex too hard.
If you want to learn how to apply our limited contact rule in detail, this is something we teach in our Get Your Ex Back Course.
Here, we will give you detailed guidelines, to ensure that you can get your ex to come back as soon as possible. This way, you can be sure you’re moving things in the right direction.
When your ex won’t talk to you or stops replying all of a sudden, it can feel very stressful. Why would he or she do this? Is it because they stopped caring about you? Did they meet someone new? Or are they doing it for an effect?
There are many reasons why an ex might start ignoring you. They might be doing it out of spite. But it could also be their way of telling you something.
What to do when your ex won’t talk to you, depends on what happened between you two and under which circumstances. In this blog post, I’ll cover the four most common scenarios when exes go silent and what to do about each one of them.
But before jumping into solutions, I want to first discuss a very important principle with you guys.
How Do You Deal With an Ex Who Ignores You
When an ex withdraws, stops talking to you or stops replying, it tends to send people into a bit of a spiral. Unfortunately, when something or someone feels out of reach, it tends to make us want that thing or person MORE.
It’s also often nerve racking to feel like you’re losing grip of whatever remaining bits of control you had over your ex.
Because of these reasons, you might start overthinking and obsessing over your ex.
What are they up to? Why won’t they talk to me? What is really going on? Will they ever speak to me again?
So let me put you at ease here! Your ex cares and is more attached than they’re willing to admit. So there is no need to panic. On the contrary, panicking is 100% counterproductive.
In order to be able to deal with an ex who is ignoring you, first and foremost, you’re going to have to get out of the spiral of overthinking and obsessing over them.
As long as you’re nervous and anxious, you won’t be able to get them to talk to you, no matter what you say and do. You’ll only continuously push them away.
Understanding this, together with knowing that your ex is only pretending to be over you (as all ex’s do) will allow you to find the inner strength to approach your ex in a calm and reasonable manner.
The Reason Your Ex Won’t Talk to You
Now that you know that panicking and overthinking will not get you anywhere with your ex, we can get to discussing the reasons why they’re acting this way.
My husband and I coached hundreds of people on how to get their ex back. From all of their stories, we’ve learned that there are actually four main situations when and why an ex stops talking to you.
1. An Avoidant Ex Won’t Talk To You To Make You Give Up On Them
Have your ex’s reasons for breaking up not made much sense to you?
So much so, you might even feel like they just got scared and are sabotaging something very special?
Avoidants are masters at sabotaging relationships.
They won’t talk to you after the breakup, simply to get you to give up on them and leave them faster. It’s not something they want, but it’s what they believe they deserve. Or that this is their fate…
Their reason for ignoring you is to make you move on and abandon them.
How To Get An Avoidant Ex To Stop Ignoring You
If you were dating an avoidant who broke up with you for no good reason, you must not abandon them. Any further abandonment will only make them bunker in more.
This is why no contact rule doesn’t work on avoidants. It only reinforces their self-defeating beliefs.
To get an avoidant ex to talk to you, you’re going to have to gradually warm them up again. The only way to do it, is to switch between being hot and cold towards them.
A bit of closeness, followed by space, followed by closeness etc.
By being proactive and caring, you’ll be putting your ex’s self-defeating beliefs into question. At the same time, you’ll also need to give them a lot of space and keep on hinting that you might move on, so that they don’t drag things out forever.
2. Your Ex Might Be Too Stressed Out To Have Room For Where You’re At
A second big case scenario when an ex won’t talk to you happens when they’re so stressed out with other things, they simply have no room for where you’re at and what you need at the moment.
We all go through rough times in our lives. If your ex got a new job, is going through a main life transition, lost their job, is dealing with family drama etc., then chances are this is the category you fall into.
When this is the case, your ex won’t talk to you because you were likely needing things from them, they simply cannot give you at the moment.
They stop replying or talking to you, to make it clear to you, they need you to either back off or change your tone.
How To Get An Overwhelmed Ex To Start Talking To You
The trick in getting an overwhelmed ex to talk to you is to start off by giving them space. You need to show them that you respect their boundaries and needs.
How much space to give them, depends on how badly things escalated already and also on how stressed out they are.
Or you can step in sooner, but only to prove to them that you are not needing things from them anymore and are willing to be there for them instead.
3. Your Ex Could Be Giving You A Cold Shoulder To Make A Point
Another big reason why an ex won’t talk to you is because it might be their only remaining way of showing you that you hurt them. Maybe your relationship was struggling so much, you couldn’t talk without arguing anymore.
If this is the case, then your ex might now be giving you silent treatment as a last attempt to get you to back down and finally see things their way.
Much like you might have an urge to do no contact with them, to get them to realize they made a mistake, they won’t talk to you for the very same reason.
How To Get A Defensive Ex To Talk To You
This is why the no contact rule rarely works towards defensive exes. You’re basically stuck in a Mexican standoff with them, pointing your guns at each other. Neither of you willing to back down…
When this is the case, the only way for you to get out of this situation is to drop your weapon and try to make peace, by taking responsibility and listening to your ex’s complaints about you.
4. Your Ex Might Be Currently Busy With Something Or Somebody Else
The fourth big reason why an ex won’t talk to you is simply because they’re currently busy with something or somebody else. This can be anything, ranging from struggling with mental health problems, addictions, or a rebound relationship.
It’s by far the saddest of the reasons and a hard one to face…
But know that, if your ex moved on quickly, they will likely get burned and come back to you a few months down the line.
When it comes to this particular case, doing no contact is your best bet. There is really no point chasing someone who is making it clear to you that they’re not interested at the moment.
What makes these cases difficult to deal with, though, is that you might feel like this is just a misunderstanding. Or you might even be worried if your ex is ok.
This might give you an urge to keep on reaching out, just to make sure, you’re not missing anything vital.
But it’s almost never the case here. Plus, if your ex wanted your help, they would have replied.
How Does the Process of Getting Your Ex to Talk to You Actually Looks Like
Even though each one of these four cases needs a slightly different approach, the process of successfully restarting contact with an ex always happens the same way.
It has to start off with you having some distance from them, and this whole problem. This way you can stop overthinking, obsessing and consequently making things worse.
Expect things to take off slowly. Always be ready to take a step back when required. Make sure that you don’t fall into old patterns again and most importantly, don’t just talk at them.
Listen to what your ex is trying to communicate and respond to it.
You have to get through to each other, and this is the only way to do that.
If you’re unsure which one of the four categories you fall into, or you’re worried you might not be able to stop yourself from sabotaging your chances with your ex, I can help you out in a coaching call.
Here I’ll carefully listen and make sense of what happened between you guys.
We’ll then create a step-by-step plan on how to approach your ex, what to say and do, to get them to open up and talk to you again.
So you’ve been through a heart-breaking journey of a breakup with him and might have even come to finally accept that it’s truly over…
… Only for him to come BACK to you after his rebound relationships didn’t work out.
Talk about him adding insult to injury.
You likely have questions and mixed feelings about it all:
“Why did he come back after the rebound relationships?”
“Should I even take him back just because he changed his mind?”
“How do I know he won’t do it again?”
“Should I talk to him about his rebound?”
Some of you might also be wondering about the psychology of a rebound and what it all means to him.
And in today’s post I’m going to answer these questions, help you address your doubts and find the clarity you need to make a clear decision.
Let’s first talk about the elephant in the room…
Can A Man Fall In Love With A Rebound Relationship?
Yes, a man can fall in love with a rebound relationship.
He may have moved on very fast after your breakup, but what’s important to keep in mind here is that it takes TIME to develop earnest feelings in a relationship!
So if his rebound lasted all of a couple of weeks, it’s really nothing you need to worry about.
He may be infatuated, but definitely is not in love.
And if it was months, she’s still got nothing on you because chances are your relationship with him was longer.
Again, time counts for A LOT, because you’ve bonded, have shared memories and KNOW each other well.
There are few things that are more attractive than the familiarity of someone knowing and getting you…
So if him falling in love with his rebound is a concern to you, my advice is, don’t worry about it too much and focus on rebuilding things with him. Because that’s what will actually count in the long run.
Why Exes Come Back After A Failed Relationship
Exes come back after a failed relationship because the rebound (often no longer than a few weeks or months) didn’t work out the way they’d imagined.
You see, when a guy wants to break up, he believes that the grass is greener on the other side.
He likely thinks that the problems you’ve faced in your relationship, that escalated to the breakup, are – for the most part – of your making.
His solution?
Break up and go find someone who doesn’t make things difficult.
But you and I both know that things aren’t quite so simple in relationships. Everybody brings their own emotional baggage to the table.
Moving on to a new relationship does NOT make his issues magically evaporate!
Quite the contrary.
He obviously takes them with him into his rebound relationship that’s about to go wrong. And within a few weeks or months, he’s shocked to discover very similar conflicts arising in his new relationship.
Which bursts his bubble as he realizes that leaving you did not miraculously solve all his relationship problems.
He took his issues into the rebound relationship because he hasn’t resolved them!
Your ex likely came to conclude that he’s actually happier with you, because (problems aside) you have a history of connection and memories that are precious to him.
Building a relationship from scratch is a lot of work and takes time, so he might have come to realize that if he’s going to be confronted with his own issues in every relationship….
… Then he’s better off coming back to you and continuing investing in your relationship.
So exes come back after a failed relationship because they get a reality check when they are confronted with their exact same issues with a rebound.
Should You Take Him Back After He Changed His Mind?
And when you know he only came back because it didn’t work out with this other woman, it hurts and because he left you on the hook and only came back when it suited him.
But the truth is life is a mess and so are relationships!
We all say and do stupid, hurtful and short-sighted things at times. Because we simply don’t know better. We haven’t learned these lessons yet.
Breakups are never straightforward, easy or fair, and that’s unfortunately just what it is.
But when you feel ready, the helpful question you need to be asking yourself is:
“Is he worth it to me?”
Are you willing to look past his hurtful behavior and potentially try again with him?
The answer to this will entirely depend on the particular circumstances of your breakup and what you want.
It might be, “No, he’s NOT worth it to me”. It might be, “Yes, I love him and want to try again.”
Or you might change your mind every other minute, and that’s OKAY too!
Whatever you decide, just know that his decision to break up has a lot to do with him and his own personal problems.
And if you are leaning towards taking him back, understand that it doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you.
It just is what it is, he made a decision, and now it’s your turn to make one.
How Do I Know He Won’t Break Up Again?
The fact is, you can’t know for sure.
BUT, it’s something you can have a lot of influence over!
50% of couples that break up get back together. But most of them just get back together in the hopes that the reunion itself will be enough to fix things.
Some make a modest effort and put in a few weeks of trying to change their ways, while others who don’t want to take any chances get expert help from a relationship coach.
Regardless of what path it is you choose for yourself…
What’s crucial is that you both make a consistent effort to address the underlying problems in your relationship that initially lead to the breakup.
Because otherwise you are inevitably bound to repeat the same painful experience again.
So think of your relationship as a plant that needs consistent nurturing to grow and stay strong!
Not something you rescue at the eleventh hour.
This is the absolute BEST way to ensure neither you nor him will want to break up again.
Should I Talk To Him About His Rebound?
That’s a good question. Because this whole situation has likely got you caught up with a lot of feelings of jealousy, hurt and brought up insecurities in you.
And while talking about his rebound might seem like an important discussion to have, you might also fear that it will make you feel even worse with spiraling thoughts and doubts:
“Who was she?”
“Was she better?”
“Did she give him what I couldn’t?”
When your ex has a rebound relationship, we tend to paint out an extremely unrealistic picture of some perfect entity whom they were (briefly) with.
Which leads to skewed comparisons, crippling anxiety and letting our insecurities get the better of us.
So, the point I want to make here is that this person that you imagine in your head does NOT exist!
They are human just like you are, with strengths and weaknesses, confidence in some areas and INSECURITIES in others.
But more importantly! You don’t even have to talk to him about his rebound!
Because you know what? She DOESN’T matter.
After all, he came back to you, didn’t he? So how great could she have really been?
What DOES MATTER is your relationship with him and what you both want to build for the future together.
So you can spare yourself unnecessary additional heartache and just not talk to him about his rebound.
And if it’s something you just let go of, you can always get back to it when you’re both in a stronger place!
Why Do Toxic Exes Keep Coming Back?
For those of you who know their ex is toxic and are leaning towards not taking him back, you might still be wondering why he keeps coming back.
Toxic exes are often driven by a need to control and dominate you.
They are not interested in genuinely connecting and building a healthy relationship together. They are TOO SCARED to do that.
All they know is to manipulate, control and be conveniently devoid of the desire to change themselves.
Which brings us to why they keep coming back.
When they sense that they’re losing that control over you and that you’re operating independently without them….
Your long-lost toxic ex is suddenly texting you again, reaching out and wanting to meet.
Confusing, no?
All you need to do, though, is see through his lies or attempts at manipulation and realize that you’re dealing with a terribly afraid little boy who doesn’t believe he’s loveable!
So he resorts to endless toxic tactics to scrape together the crumbs of love he thinks he deserves.
And if you know you’re done with them and need to finalize this chapter in your life, consider writing them a powerful closure letter for yourself that will impact them.
Conclusion
Rebound relationships are fairly common after a breakup, people do it all the time and yes there’s no denying, it’s a hurtful experience.
By now, you’re hopefully in a better position to decide whether your ex is someone you want to try with again.
And if you do, remember it’s vital to proactively address the problems that will likely lead to another breakup.
In order to help women that are in your situation, we create an online course: Rebuild Your Relationship.
Here, you will learn exactly what you need to do to avoid the common pitfalls people fall into when they get back together with their ex after a rebound relationship.
We’ll teach you the empowering mindset you need to make sure you can secure your happy ever after.
You sent him a text a few hours, days -or even a week ago, and he still hasn’t texted you back?
You know he got your text because you’ve seen him online, or got a ‘delivered’ confirmation, or he may have even straight up left you on ‘read’.
Which understandably has you asking what to do when he doesn’t text you back?
Hi, I’m Gabriel, and I’m going to help you with your dilemma. In today’s post, I’ll talk about what you should (and should not) do to get him to text you back.
Topics include:
Common reasons why men don’t text you back
Should you text again if there’s no reply
What to do when he doesn’t text you back
What if he doesn’t text back at all?
Enough introduction, let’s relieve some of your concerns!
5 Most Common Reasons Why Guys Do Not Text You Back
First and foremost, it’s crucial that we talk about WHY he might not be texting back. Because if you don’t take these points into account, you’re going in blind and risk screwing up your chances.
So let’s quickly go over the reasons why he might not be texting you back.
1. He’s Genuinely Busy
Out of the following six reasons, this is admittedly a less common scenario, because in most instances, he should have a moment to send you a short text to let you know everything’s okay.
But it may be that he’s having a genuinely busy day that’s preoccupying his ENTIRE attention.
Whether it’s a demanding boss drowning him in paperwork, family drama that he needs to sort out, or something else entirely.
2. He Didn’t Think Your Text Required A Response
If you sent him a text that he might interpret as something not requiring an answer, he might just leave you on ‘read.’
When he doesn’t see a clear question or intention behind a text, he might let the conversation run dry or leave you hanging awkwardly.
Possibly not even thinking much of it, he shrugs his shoulders, and simply goes about his day.
Totally oblivious, that you were hoping for him to text you back.
3. He’s Annoyed About Something That Happened
Something might have gone down between the two of you, and he’s annoyed or even angry about it.
His answer to the problem? — Throw a tantrum and not text you back.
Whatever big or small incident may have transpired between you two, it’ll be important to eventually clear the air once he gives you a chance.
4. He Wants Space
Him not texting you back can also be his indirect way of telling you that he just wants space.
As to why he wants space, that could be for multiple reasons, including the previous point (him being annoyed or hurt about something).
Now, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it needs to be said:
Sometimes a guy might not message you back because your feelings are unfortunately one-sided.
To you, it may have been absolutely AMAZING, and you’re head over heels and missed the signs that he isn’t into you.
But I hope to be wrong on this one!
Should I Text Again If There Is No Reply?
9 out of 10 times, you should NOT text again if there is no reply. At least not immediately!
Why?
Because you’ll be ruining your chances or potentially hurting yourself, REGARDLESS of which scenario he fits into:
1. He’s Genuinely Busy
If you text him again, he’ll see all your messages once he gets the chance to catch a breath and might think you are needy or controlling, which won’t help your chances.
2. He Doesn’t Think Your Text Required A Response
Best case scenario, you manage to clarify that you actually were hoping for a response, and he happily obliges. But it’s likelier that he’ll think you’re being pushy if you text again too soon.
3. He’s Annoyed About Something That Happened or 4. He Wants Space
In these scenarios, he’ll become MORE agitated with you if you text him again because he’s sulking and needs some time.
5. He’s A Player -And You Shouldn’t Trust Him
You’d be heading down a dead end street and wasting your energy. Time to cut him loose and finally find the right guy.
6. He’s Not Interested
If you know this is the case, then texting him again would be a wild goose chase and potentially mean further hurt for you. Maybe save yourself the trouble and come to terms with it being a one-sided love…
So for these reasons (and more that we won’t cover today) it’s best to WAIT for two to three days before texting him again.
If you do, he’ll think of you as laid back and appreciate you giving him the time he needed to come around again.
As you can see, pausing and giving him some space is often what you should do when he isn’t texting you back, instead of texting again.
Is No Response A Rejection?
No response is a response, but it does not necessarily mean rejection. Rather, it entirely depends on your particular circumstances.
If he falls into any of the first 4 categories we covered:
He’s genuinely busy
He doesn’t think your text required a response
He’s annoyed about something that happened
He wants space
— Then him not responding DOES NOT automatically equal rejection. You’ll likely get a chance to clarify things and reconnect.
Now with all of that out of the way, let’s finally discuss…
What To Do When He Doesn’t Text You Back – 7 Steps
1. Don’t Panic, Stay Cool
Is your mind racing with all sorts of unpleasant or even horrible scenarios to explain him not texting you back?
‘What if he changed his mind and doesn’t like me?’
‘Did he already meet some other girl?’
‘Was he actually a player?’
‘What if he got hit by a car??’
If so, I recommend putting your phone aside for a moment. Take a deep couple of breaths and relax…
Chances of anything dramatic having happened are statistically slim, and everything is going to be OKAY.
2. Definitely Don’t Spam Him
You might be tempted to grab your phone and repeatedly text or call him, or like his posts on social media to finally invoke a response from him.
If this is you, definitely DO NOT do it.
Remaining calm is vital in a moment like this, because if you go off the rails now, you might just scare him off for good.
Don’t ruin your chances.
3. Do Not Text Him Again Right Away
In addition, you certainly don’t want to text him hours (let alone minutes) after your prior text.
Now is the time to play the waiting game…
And waiting means 2–3 days before you text him again. Yes, 2 whole days at least!
Why?
Because you need to SHOW him that you’re not desperate. Nothing will scare a man off faster than desperation.
4. Shift Your Focus To Something Unrelated
We’ve talked about what not to do so far. Now the first thing you should do when he isn’t texting you back is to shift your focus to something engaging that is ENTIRELY unrelated to him.
This will help you get through those couple of days.
It can be work, hobbies, friends, family, etc. Dedicate your full attention to people or an activity that captivates you.
It goes without saying that if he texts you prior to the 2–3 days being complete, it’s okay to respond.
BUT.
Give it at least half a day before you get back to him. (Unless you’re on thin ice with him and things are critical, then respond sooner)
Because he needs to realize you’re not at his beck and call. Let him feel that you have other things going on, that you have a life and interests of your own.
6. Text Him Again With A Clear Intention
Now, if a couple of days have passed, and you haven’t heard from him at all, then you can try texting him again.
Don’t type something in a rush, hit ‘send’ and hope or even regret it a moment later!
Take your time to figure out exactly what you want to achieve, have a clear intention in mind to help steer your message in the right direction. Examples might be:
Find out where he’s at
Make him want you
Go on another date
7. Ask Him A Question He’ll Want To Answer
With your intention in mind, ask him a question you know he’ll enjoy answering.
For example, you can follow up on that event he mentioned or ask him how his stressful job is going.
Think of a question that you know he is likely to want to answer because he doesn’t mind it, or better yet WANTS to answer!
The key here is to NOT ask any questions that are about yourself and what you want. Make sure they’re about him (at least initially). This will give you the best chances of him texting you back.
…Which can lead to small talk, further questions, a friendly exchange and finally another date.
Either way, it’s out of your control at this point.
Some of you still might not want to let go, and you can try again in another 2 weeks, but chances are very slim that he’ll text you back at this point.
I know it’s easier said than done, but I’d recommend you try dating other men for now and if you do hear back from him eventually, you can always give it another shot.
The reason I don’t recommend endlessly chasing without at least seeing other guys is that it won’t do your self-worth any good.
Now, I know this is not everyone, but if you struggle with this, you might find it helpful to read my other post: 10 Ways to Stop Obsessing Over Someone.
Everybody misses their ex after a breakup. After all, you were together because you had feelings for each other. This kind of connection doesn’t just fade from one day onto the next.
But if you have this urge to tell your ex that you miss him or her, then there is likely more to it than just how you feel.
You’re probably craving reassurance that he or she misses you too!
After all, this is how things worked when you were still together. You telling them how you felt always resulted in some sort of response. Even if it was a simple “-I miss you”, “I miss you too!” exchange.
It’s perfectly ok to need reassurance from an ex.
What’s more, you can actually get it. But you have to approach him or her differently than you did when you were still together.
In this blog post, I’ll explain why this is such a tricky topic. I’ll cover when it’s a good idea to tell your ex you miss them, when not to do it and what to say instead, so that you can bring your ex closer and get some comfort and peace of mind.
Should I Tell My Ex I Miss Him Or Her?
When it comes to telling your ex you miss them, 9 out of 10 times you should definitely NOT do it. Even if you still feel connected to them and believe they feel the same way you do.
Regardless of where your ex is truly at, in most cases, saying “I miss you” to him or her will only get you rejected or push your ex further away.
There are a few exceptions to this rule, though:
You Can Tell Your Ex You Miss Them If You’re The Dumper
The one and only case when it is safe to tell your ex you miss them, and when it will actually have the desired effect, is when you’ve been the one who broke up with them.
If this is the case, then your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend are still likely hurt by your decision to leave.
You telling your ex that you miss them is a bit like taking your rejection back. It’s hinting that you didn’t truly mean to break things off and are having second thoughts.
It will soothe their pain and make them feel better.
Even if they don’t say it back right away, it will open them up more.
So if you’re the dumper, you’re in a good position. No need to overthink it, just go for it!
It’s Ok To Tell Your Ex You Miss Him Or Her If Your Breakup Was Mutual
Similarly to the previous case, if your breakup was mutual, it’s also ok to tell your ex that you miss them.
Your chances of getting a positive response are a bit lower here than if you were the dumper, however it can still work as expected.
Some couples break up not because they stopped loving each other, but because they see no other way out of their relationship problems. Maybe you couldn’t talk without arguing anymore. Or there was some other big issue that drove you two apart.
If this is the case for you, then saying “I miss you” to your ex can be a sign that you’re ready to lower your guard and come their way.
But you have to be truly coming from this place, to get a positive response.
You Should Never Tell Your Ex You Miss Them If He Or She Broke Up With You
This is a mistake most of our coaching clients make: you should never say “I miss you” to an ex who broke up with you.
There are a few reasons for this:
Firstly, it will make your ex feel pressured to feel the same way you do. They’ll take it as you trying to guilt-trip them into changing their mind about the breakup.
Secondly, they might feel like you’re relating to them as though you guys were still together. Given that they explicitly said they don’t want to be in a relationship anymore, you telling them you miss them might come across as you overriding their boundaries.
Thirdly, you should never tell a dumper that you miss them because they anyway already know that you feel this way.
People who break up feel secure and in control of the situation. They believe they can reverse it anytime, if they were to change their mind.
By saying “I miss you” to an ex who dumped you, you’re feeding their false sense of safety and prolonging the time until they can start missing you too.
What To Do When You Miss Your Ex
So what should you do if you’ve been dumped, but you desperately need the reassurance that your ex still cares about you and misses you, at least a bit?
The good news is, there are ways of how you can get through to them, I’ll cover them in a moment. But first, I want to outline a very important principle that makes all the difference in relating to an ex partner after a breakup:
Needing things from an ex pushes them further away, while giving them things they want brings them closer.
Saying “I miss you” to an ex you broke up with is GIVING them comfort. That’s why it has a positive effect!
At the same time, telling a dumper that you miss them is you NEEDING them to comfort you. Because of this, it only pushes them further away.
It’s a subtle difference, but it’s an important one! Most of our coaching clients tell us that they already made this mistake.
They were so hurt and in disbelief of the breakup, that they don’t realize they were coming from a place of neediness. They tried time and time again and only got burned!
4 Ways To Tell Your Ex You Miss Them Without Actually Saying “I Miss You”
Here is how to tell an ex who dumped you that you miss them in a way that will be you offering to give them something they want.
Most of these things are perfectly safe when done in moderation.
There is a very low chance of you sabotaging anything or pushing your ex further away, if you stick with these approaches.
1. Like One Or More Of Their Social Media Posts
Everybody loves getting attention and validation. You liking your ex’s posts is you offering these things to them. Your ex will know you’re thinking about them and missing them.
They’ll appreciate the gesture, especially if they’re posting things explicitly to get your attention or to get you to snap out of the no contact rule…
2. Ask Them How They’re Doing
Another safe way to let your ex know that you miss them it to simply check in with them. Ask them how they’re doing and if you know they’ve been stressed or struggling with something, inquire about that thing.
This way, you can give them your attention and interest without needing anything.
A simple act of kindness like this will signal to your ex that you’re thinking about them and that you care about their well-being.
If your ex complained about certain things about you, these are the things that are likely standing in the way of him or her missing you at the moment.
This is why another safe way to let them know that you miss them is to apologize for something that they complained about. Maybe they said you were too controlling or anxious. Or that you were needing too much from them.
These are just some common example but, when it comes to this one, you have to take responsibility and respond EXACTLY to the thing your ex said.
Apologizing for things you only think they’re hurt about, or about things they didn’t actually mention, will only make your ex feel more disconnected and distant.
The fourth way of how you can tell your ex “I miss you” without sabotaging your chances and pushing them further away is to offer them something.
For example, if your ex is still paying for your gym membership, phone bill etc., you can offer to switch things over to your credit card.
Or if you share streaming subscriptions or Spotify, you can ask if he or she is still comfortable covering this and if they want you to quit.
This is how you can show your ex you’re thinking about their needs and taking the breakup seriously. Which in turn might get them in touch with how they feel about you and give them room to miss you.
It’s unlikely that they’ll want you to quit any of the services, and this is how you can know they’re still attached to you…
How To Get Your Ex To Miss You Too
Now that you know the dangers of telling your ex you miss them and what to say and do instead, I want to address another important issue so many of you guys have said you struggle with.
You likely wish that your ex misses you too and have a hard time comprehending that they don’t.
The reason your ex might not miss you is twofold:
On one hand, it’s the result of their false sense of safety:
The dumper always believes they can reverse the breakup any time they want. So why should they miss you, if you’re anyway within their reach.
On the other hand, they also might be angry or disappointed about certain things you said, or things you did or didn’t do.
These grudges act like a barrier that prevents your ex from remembering and feeling all the good things about you and your relationship.
In order to get your ex to admit that they miss you, you need to address both of the above-mentioned issues.
You have to let your ex experience losing you, at least a little. But you also have to address the grudges that are currently keeping them at bay.
If you need help making this happen, I can support you through it in a coaching call.
Here, I’ll listen to your story and help you figure out how to approach your ex in a way that will work both for you and them.
I’ll give you tips on what to say and do, to get them in touch with their feelings for you and to admit that they miss you, too.
We always believed that relationships should be FUN and uplifting! And we were obsessed with finding real-world practical solutions for our relationship problems. Today we help others do the same with our blog.
