So if you’ve experienced him being increasingly unavailable, and it feels like he’s barely noticing you during sex, then it’s a definite sign he is losing interest.
7. Does he avoid you at events or parties?
Social engagements with your partner are fun, right? — Or are they?
There are few things more humiliating than going to an event with him, whereupon arriving, he immediately ducks out and avoids you like the plague throughout the evening.
Especially if you see him laughing and enjoying himself with others -or worse, with other women.
Unless you’ve had a big fight just before the party that left you both fuming and ignoring each other, there is no reason for him to be acting this way, unless of course he is no longer partial towards you…
8. Is he paying more attention to other women than to you?
It’s perfectly common for either of you to sneak a guilty glance at an attractive passer by every once in a while.
But if he’s making a habit of it, is talking to other women, and giving them more attention than he does to you, that’s a definite RED-ALERT!
(Whether these interactions are in person or online.)
You are his partner and as such, deserve to have priority and exclusivity when it comes to his attention.
So if you feel like second place, like he doesn’t love you anymore, and he’s endlessly taking more time for other women than he does for you, take it as a definite sign that he is losing interest.
9. Does he seem to be on autopilot with you?
We can all get overwhelmed with our demanding lives and the people in it at times…
So we zone out, put on cruise control and meander through our day just to make it home for some shut-eye. During these times we’re inattentive, easily distracted and unfocused.
I’m sure you’ve experienced this inattentive side of him too, and that’s perfectly okay from TIME TO TIME:
“Sorry, did you say something?”
“Yeah, honey of course… — what?”
“Sure, sure, whatever you say”
But if him not listening, being unresponsive or not being present with you is STANDARD procedure, where he’s constantly on autopilot and drifts off, then that’s another sign for you.
10. Is he taking more liberties with bad behavior?
We all have our limits, and it can be especially difficult to keep your cool in long-term relationships. Since you’ve known each other for such a long time and are familiar with the others’ tendencies and patterns…
But if you find that he’s showing and expressing his frustration without restraint, and is on bad behavior, it’s something to keep an eye on.
Because when partners lose interest in their relationship, they take even more liberties to act out of line and risk sabotaging things further!
So if this fits for you, consider it a final sign.
How many signs fit for you? Remember, the more fit, the likelier it is that he is unfortunately losing interest.
Especially if you’re at 6 signs or more.
But I want you to check in with yourself as well, though. Do you FEEL like he’s losing interest? What does your gut tell you?
It’s also helpful to listen to your own instincts to give you a clearer answer.
Now, if your answer is ‘Yes, I believe he is losing interest’.
Then the obvious next question would be…
How do I make him interested again?
First, let me say that you’re in a good position here.
Good in that you’ve noticed something was off early enough to act and PREVENT things from escalating further!
Many of our coaching clients make the unfortunate mistake of missing the signs that he’s losing interest and only retrospectively recognizing them once their partner has already become an ex-partner.
And it’s much harder to reverse a breakup, than it is to pre-empt a breakup.
Your boyfriend broke up with you, and now you’re wondering: Is this it? Or is he going to come back to me?
In most cases, male dumpers always come back sooner or later. There are a few exceptions to this rule, though.
My then boyfriend, now husband, broke up with me three times in the first years of our relationship. He would always eventually start becoming interested and chase me again. We’re happily married now, so I’m living proof that guys come back after dumping you.
At this point, I’ve also coached hundreds of women on how to get their ex back. Many of them were asking me this very question: Is he ever going to come back? In about 90% of cases, the answer was always YES.
Our attachments are far stronger than most of us would like to believe. It’s not any easier for him to let go, than it is for you. Being the dumper, gives your ex power and control, though. Because of this, he might be acting cool or careless.
But the moment you manage to take the power away from him, he will start having second thoughts and hovering around you again.
In this blog post, I will explain why dumpers act this way and what you can expect of your ex.
Will He Miss Me After Dumping Me?
If your breakup is fresh, you must still be in the midst of an emotional storm. Being broken up with is tough. It takes a toll on your self-esteem, makes you miserable and desperate.
When you’ve just been abandoned this way, you might be wondering: Is he as upset as I am? Doesn’t he feel heartbroken about losing me too?
And if a few days or weeks have already passed, you’ve observed your ex’s behavior since then, and HE SEEMS FINE. You must be breaking your head, thinking: Why is he acting so cool? Doesn’t he miss me at all?!
Most dumpers will miss you, however, they will not miss you nearly as much as you will miss them.
The person who decides to break up generally feels confident that they could reverse it, if they chose to. This gives your ex a false sense of safety and security, that then allows him to remain cool and composed.
You might be heartbroken over losing him, meanwhile he doesn’t feel like he lost you, so why should he be upset…
To him, it’s as though you’re just taking some time apart. He might be a little sad, a little lonely, but it’s a far cry from where you’re at.
What Makes a Man Come Back After a Breakup
A dumper lives in a delusion that he is in control, you’re crazy about him, you’re more attached than he is etc. Because of this, he might stay distant and act careless without worrying about the consequences.
However, once his delusion starts to fade a little and your ex starts feeling like he is losing control over you, he will come back.
When he stops knowing what you’re up to, or your behavior suddenly changes: you’re not crying or chasing him the whole time, that’s when doubts will slowly start creeping in, and he will then try to sneakily regain that sense of control.
Some men don’t dare to or can’t come back on their own.
But they will do small things to get your attention and check if you’re still hooked or not. Like viewing or reacting to your posts and stories, posting things that are meant for you, or finding an excuse to pop by (even if it is to pick up their things from your place).
How Often Do Male Dumpers Come Back
In my experience, 9 out of 10 times male dumpers come back, but not to get back together right away.
They start finding excuses to talk, check if you still care and are interested, or if things can change (if they broke up because of some relationship problem).
Especially if he said you were perfect and then dumped you for no good reason, the chances of him coming back are close to 100%. It’s a sign you’re loving someone with avoidant attachment, your relationship seemed too good to be true, so he sabotaged it.
Avoidants often need extra encouragement in the beginning. But they will always find their way back to you, as long as you don’t reject them too hard.
What Makes a Guy Not Come Back After a Breakup
There are a few cases when guys don’t come back after they dump you. They are more on the rare side, but they do happen. If any of the following situations fits your case, there is really no point for you to wait for him.
If He Broke up With You, to Get You to Chase Him
Much like women, men can sometimes give you the cold shoulder to get you to prove to him that you care. He can be doing it as a last resort, to get his point across, or because, according to him, he was making much more effort in the relationship than you were.
Needless to say, if this is the case, he will most likely not come back on his own.
Most male dumpers will start coming back, the moment you send them subtle signals that you might be moving on.
So this actually depends on you. It tends to take anywhere from one week to six months.
As long as you’re chasing him, he will have no reason to come back.
But the moment you make him feel like you might be slipping away, he will find a way to check in and ensure that it doesn’t happen.
Why Some Men Come Back Months Later
In certain cases, men take much longer to start warming up to you again. Some men come back months later because you continue chasing them.
As long as you’re fuelling your ex’s sense of security by: telling him you miss him, needing things from him, telling him you love him, he will have no reason to really miss you, let alone start worrying about losing you.
Even if these are rare instances that only happen once every few weeks. By acting desperate (even occasionally) you can keep your ex at bay for MONTHS.
Another reason why an ex might take this long to come back to you is when he got into a rebound relationship. When this is the case, having a new girlfriend will keep him busy and preoccupied. Initially, he will go through a honeymoon phase with her.
People tend to get into rebound relationships on a whim, though. This is why they’re often terrible matches that inevitably fail.
When a man comes back months later, chances are his rebound went wrong, and he is ready to try to fix things with you instead.
Is Doing No Contact the Best Way to Get a Male Dumper to Come Back
No contact is definitely a better way to approach your ex than chasing him, crying, begging, convincing etc. However, it has its limits too.
What you want to watch out for is doing ‘no contact’, then to only relapse into desperation, followed by doing more no contact.
Every time you’re acting desperate, you’ll be undoing all the progress and further fuelling your ex’s sense of safety and control. This is the road that will make you drift apart.
When your ex won’t talk to you or stops replying all of a sudden, it can feel very stressful. Why would he or she do this? Is it because they stopped caring about you? Did they meet someone new? Or are they doing it for an effect?
There are many reasons why an ex might start ignoring you. They might be doing it out of spite. But it could also be their way of telling you something.
What to do when your ex won’t talk to you, depends on what happened between you two and under which circumstances. In this blog post, I’ll cover the four most common scenarios when exes go silent and what to do about each one of them.
But before jumping into solutions, I want to first discuss a very important principle with you guys.
How Do You Deal With an Ex Who Ignores You
When an ex withdraws, stops talking to you or stops replying, it tends to send people into a bit of a spiral. Unfortunately, when something or someone feels out of reach, it tends to make us want that thing or person MORE.
It’s also often nerve racking to feel like you’re losing grip of whatever remaining bits of control you had over your ex.
Because of these reasons, you might start overthinking and obsessing over your ex.
What are they up to? Why won’t they talk to me? What is really going on? Will they ever speak to me again?
So let me put you at ease here! Your ex cares and is more attached than they’re willing to admit. So there is no need to panic. On the contrary, panicking is 100% counterproductive.
In order to be able to deal with an ex who is ignoring you, first and foremost, you’re going to have to get out of the spiral of overthinking and obsessing over them.
As long as you’re nervous and anxious, you won’t be able to get them to talk to you, no matter what you say and do. You’ll only continuously push them away.
Avoidants are masters at sabotaging relationships.
They won’t talk to you after the breakup, simply to get you to give up on them and leave them faster. It’s not something they want, but it’s what they believe they deserve. Or that this is their fate…
Their reason for ignoring you is to make you move on and abandon them.
How To Get An Avoidant Ex To Stop Ignoring You
If you were dating an avoidant who broke up with you for no good reason, you must not abandon them. Any further abandonment will only make them bunker in more.
This is why no contact rule doesn’t work on avoidants. It only reinforces their self-defeating beliefs.
To get an avoidant ex to talk to you, you’re going to have to gradually warm them up again. The only way to do it, is to switch between being hot and cold towards them.
A bit of closeness, followed by space, followed by closeness etc.
By being proactive and caring, you’ll be putting your ex’s self-defeating beliefs into question. At the same time, you’ll also need to give them a lot of space and keep on hinting that you might move on, so that they don’t drag things out forever.
2. Your Ex Might Be Too Stressed Out To Have Room For Where You’re At
A second big case scenario when an ex won’t talk to you happens when they’re so stressed out with other things, they simply have no room for where you’re at and what you need at the moment.
We all go through rough times in our lives. If your ex got a new job, is going through a main life transition, lost their job, is dealing with family drama etc., then chances are this is the category you fall into.
When this is the case, your ex won’t talk to you because you were likely needing things from them, they simply cannot give you at the moment.
They stop replying or talking to you, to make it clear to you, they need you to either back off or change your tone.
How To Get An Overwhelmed Ex To Start Talking To You
The trick in getting an overwhelmed ex to talk to you is to start off by giving them space. You need to show them that you respect their boundaries and needs.
How much space to give them, depends on how badly things escalated already and also on how stressed out they are.
Or you can step in sooner, but only to prove to them that you are not needing things from them anymore and are willing to be there for them instead.
3. Your Ex Could Be Giving You A Cold Shoulder To Make A Point
Another big reason why an ex won’t talk to you is because it might be their only remaining way of showing you that you hurt them. Maybe your relationship was struggling so much, you couldn’t talk without arguing anymore.
If this is the case, then your ex might now be giving you silent treatment as a last attempt to get you to back down and finally see things their way.
Much like you might have an urge to do no contact with them, to get them to realize they made a mistake, they won’t talk to you for the very same reason.
How To Get A Defensive Ex To Talk To You
This is why the no contact rule rarely works towards defensive exes. You’re basically stuck in a Mexican standoff with them, pointing your guns at each other. Neither of you willing to back down…
When this is the case, the only way for you to get out of this situation is to drop your weapon and try to make peace, by taking responsibility and listening to your ex’s complaints about you.
4. Your Ex Might Be Currently Busy With Something Or Somebody Else
The fourth big reason why an ex won’t talk to you is simply because they’re currently busy with something or somebody else. This can be anything, ranging from struggling with mental health problems, addictions, or a rebound relationship.
It’s by far the saddest of the reasons and a hard one to face…
Expect things to take off slowly. Always be ready to take a step back when required. Make sure that you don’t fall into old patterns again and most importantly, don’t just talk at them.
Listen to what your ex is trying to communicate and respond to it.
You have to get through to each other, and this is the only way to do that.
If you’re unsure which one of the four categories you fall into, or you’re worried you might not be able to stop yourself from sabotaging your chances with your ex, I can help you out in a coaching call.
Here I’ll carefully listen and make sense of what happened between you guys.
We’ll then create a step-by-step plan on how to approach your ex, what to say and do, to get them to open up and talk to you again.
So you’ve been through a heart-breaking journey of a breakup with him and might have even come to finally accept that it’s truly over…
… Only for him to come BACK to you after his rebound relationships didn’t work out.
Talk about him adding insult to injury.
You likely have questions and mixed feelings about it all:
“Why did he come back after the rebound relationships?”
“Should I even take him back just because he changed his mind?”
“How do I know he won’t do it again?”
“Should I talk to him about his rebound?”
Some of you might also be wondering about the psychology of a rebound and what it all means to him.
And in today’s post I’m going to answer these questions, help you address your doubts and find the clarity you need to make a clear decision.
Let’s first talk about the elephant in the room…
Can A Man Fall In Love With A Rebound Relationship?
Yes, a man can fall in love with a rebound relationship.
He may have moved on very fast after your breakup, but what’s important to keep in mind here is that it takes TIME to develop earnest feelings in a relationship!
So if his rebound lasted all of a couple of weeks, it’s really nothing you need to worry about.
He may be infatuated, but definitely is not in love.
And if it was months, she’s still got nothing on you because chances are your relationship with him was longer.
Again, time counts for A LOT, because you’ve bonded, have shared memories and KNOW each other well.
There are few things that are more attractive than the familiarity of someone knowing and getting you…
So if him falling in love with his rebound is a concern to you, my advice is, don’t worry about it too much and focus on rebuilding things with him. Because that’s what will actually count in the long run.
Why Exes Come Back After A Failed Relationship
Exes come back after a failed relationship because the rebound (often no longer than a few weeks or months) didn’t work out the way they’d imagined.
You see, when a guy wants to break up, he believes that the grass is greener on the other side.
He likely thinks that the problems you’ve faced in your relationship, that escalated to the breakup, are – for the most part – of your making.
Break up and go find someone who doesn’t make things difficult.
But you and I both know that things aren’t quite so simple in relationships. Everybody brings their own emotional baggage to the table.
Moving on to a new relationship does NOT make his issues magically evaporate!
Quite the contrary.
He obviously takes them with him into his rebound relationship that’s about to go wrong. And within a few weeks or months, he’s shocked to discover very similar conflicts arising in his new relationship.
Which bursts his bubble as he realizes that leaving you did not miraculously solve all his relationship problems.
He took his issues into the rebound relationship because he hasn’t resolved them!
If you know this is the case, then texting him again would be a wild goose chase and potentially mean further hurt for you. Maybe save yourself the trouble and come to terms with it being a one-sided love…
So for these reasons (and more that we won’t cover today) it’s best to WAIT for two to three days before texting him again.
If you do, he’ll think of you as laid back and appreciate you giving him the time he needed to come around again.
As you can see, pausing and giving him some space is often what you should do when he isn’t texting you back, instead of texting again.
Is No Response A Rejection?
No response is a response, but it does not necessarily mean rejection. Rather, it entirely depends on your particular circumstances.
If he falls into any of the first 4 categories we covered:
He’s genuinely busy
He doesn’t think your text required a response
He’s annoyed about something that happened
He wants space
— Then him not responding DOES NOT automatically equal rejection. You’ll likely get a chance to clarify things and reconnect.
Now with all of that out of the way, let’s finally discuss…
What To Do When He Doesn’t Text You Back – 7 Steps
1. Don’t Panic, Stay Cool
Is your mind racing with all sorts of unpleasant or even horrible scenarios to explain him not texting you back?
‘What if he changed his mind and doesn’t like me?’
‘Did he already meet some other girl?’
‘Was he actually a player?’
‘What if he got hit by a car??’
If so, I recommend putting your phone aside for a moment. Take a deep couple of breaths and relax…
Chances of anything dramatic having happened are statistically slim, and everything is going to be OKAY.
2. Definitely Don’t Spam Him
You might be tempted to grab your phone and repeatedly text or call him, or like his posts on social media to finally invoke a response from him.
If this is you, definitely DO NOT do it.
Remaining calm is vital in a moment like this, because if you go off the rails now, you might just scare him off for good.
Don’t ruin your chances.
3. Do Not Text Him Again Right Away
In addition, you certainly don’t want to text him hours (let alone minutes) after your prior text.
Now is the time to play the waiting game…
And waiting means 2–3 days before you text him again. Yes, 2 whole days at least!
Because you need to SHOW him that you’re not desperate. Nothing will scare a man off faster than desperation.
4. Shift Your Focus To Something Unrelated
We’ve talked about what not to do so far. Now the first thing you should do when he isn’t texting you back is to shift your focus to something engaging that is ENTIRELY unrelated to him.
This will help you get through those couple of days.
It can be work, hobbies, friends, family, etc. Dedicate your full attention to people or an activity that captivates you.
Everybody misses their ex after a breakup. After all, you were together because you had feelings for each other. This kind of connection doesn’t just fade from one day onto the next.
But if you have this urge to tell your ex that you miss him or her, then there is likely more to it than just how you feel.
You’re probably craving reassurance that he or she misses you too!
After all, this is how things worked when you were still together. You telling them how you felt always resulted in some sort of response. Even if it was a simple “-I miss you”, “I miss you too!” exchange.
It’s perfectly ok to need reassurance from an ex.
What’s more, you can actually get it. But you have to approach him or her differently than you did when you were still together.
In this blog post, I’ll explain why this is such a tricky topic. I’ll cover when it’s a good idea to tell your ex you miss them, when not to do it and what to say instead, so that you can bring your ex closer and get some comfort and peace of mind.
Should I Tell My Ex I Miss Him Or Her?
When it comes to telling your ex you miss them, 9 out of 10 times you should definitely NOT do it. Even if you still feel connected to them and believe they feel the same way you do.
Regardless of where your ex is truly at, in most cases, saying “I miss you” to him or her will only get you rejected or push your ex further away.
There are a few exceptions to this rule, though:
You Can Tell Your Ex You Miss Them If You’re The Dumper
The one and only case when it is safe to tell your ex you miss them, and when it will actually have the desired effect, is when you’ve been the one who broke up with them.
If this is the case, then your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend are still likely hurt by your decision to leave.
You telling your ex that you miss them is a bit like taking your rejection back. It’s hinting that you didn’t truly mean to break things off and are having second thoughts.
It will soothe their pain and make them feel better.
Even if they don’t say it back right away, it will open them up more.
So if you’re the dumper, you’re in a good position. No need to overthink it, just go for it!
It’s Ok To Tell Your Ex You Miss Him Or Her If Your Breakup Was Mutual
Similarly to the previous case, if your breakup was mutual, it’s also ok to tell your ex that you miss them.
Your chances of getting a positive response are a bit lower here than if you were the dumper, however it can still work as expected.
Some couples break up not because they stopped loving each other, but because they see no other way out of their relationship problems. Maybe you couldn’t talk without arguing anymore. Or there was some other big issue that drove you two apart.
If this is the case for you, then saying “I miss you” to your ex can be a sign that you’re ready to lower your guard and come their way.
But you have to be truly coming from this place, to get a positive response.
You Should Never Tell Your Ex You Miss Them If He Or She Broke Up With You
This is a mistake most of our coaching clients make: you should never say “I miss you” to an ex who broke up with you.
There are a few reasons for this:
Firstly, it will make your ex feel pressured to feel the same way you do. They’ll take it as you trying to guilt-trip them into changing their mind about the breakup.
Secondly, they might feel like you’re relating to them as though you guys were still together. Given that they explicitly said they don’t want to be in a relationship anymore, you telling them you miss them might come across as you overriding their boundaries.
Thirdly, you should never tell a dumper that you miss them because they anyway already know that you feel this way.
People who break up feel secure and in control of the situation. They believe they can reverse it anytime, if they were to change their mind.
By saying “I miss you” to an ex who dumped you, you’re feeding their false sense of safety and prolonging the time until they can start missing you too.
What To Do When You Miss Your Ex
So what should you do if you’ve been dumped, but you desperately need the reassurance that your ex still cares about you and misses you, at least a bit?
The good news is, there are ways of how you can get through to them, I’ll cover them in a moment. But first, I want to outline a very important principle that makes all the difference in relating to an ex partner after a breakup:
Needing things from an ex pushes them further away, while giving them things they want brings them closer.
Saying “I miss you” to an ex you broke up with is GIVING them comfort. That’s why it has a positive effect!
At the same time, telling a dumper that you miss them is you NEEDING them to comfort you. Because of this, it only pushes them further away.
It’s a subtle difference, but it’s an important one! Most of our coaching clients tell us that they already made this mistake.
They were so hurt and in disbelief of the breakup, that they don’t realize they were coming from a place of neediness. They tried time and time again and only got burned!
Another safe way to let your ex know that you miss them it to simply check in with them. Ask them how they’re doing and if you know they’ve been stressed or struggling with something, inquire about that thing.
This way, you can give them your attention and interest without needing anything.
A simple act of kindness like this will signal to your ex that you’re thinking about them and that you care about their well-being.
If your ex complained about certain things about you, these are the things that are likely standing in the way of him or her missing you at the moment.
This is why another safe way to let them know that you miss them is to apologize for something that they complained about. Maybe they said you were too controlling or anxious. Or that you were needing too much from them.
These are just some common example but, when it comes to this one, you have to take responsibility and respond EXACTLY to the thing your ex said.
Apologizing for things you only think they’re hurt about, or about things they didn’t actually mention, will only make your ex feel more disconnected and distant.
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