7 Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore and What to Do

7 Signs He Doesn’t Love You Anymore and What to Do

Photo by Max

It’s not easy to recognize the signs that he doesn’t love you anymore.

Facing the truth that your boyfriend or husband doesn’t care about you as much as he once did, can be heartbreaking.

Maybe you feel betrayed and disappointed: “How could he give up so easily?!”

Or you blame yourself and wonder why, despite all your efforts, it’s just never enough for him.

It’s painful to know when the love is gone in a relationship.

However, coming to terms with it, is the first step in doing something about it.

So give yourself a pat on the back for being willing to face this difficult truth and keep in mind, what might feel like a seemingly hopeless situation can actually change.

You can get your boyfriend or husband to care and chase you again.

You just need to know how to do it!

In this article, I’ll list the signs that he doesn’t love you anymore and explain what you can do to reignite the spark, get him to step up his game and fight for you again.

1. He Makes Less Effort

The number one sign how you can know that he doesn’t care anymore is when he almost stops putting in any effort into making the relationship work.

This might mean many things, here are some examples:

  • He might stop checking in with you
  • He doesn’t call or text you
  • He will not arrange to go out anymore
  • He will not dress up or try to impress you
  • He might even put on weight and let himself go
  • He doesn’t make any efforts to make you happy
  • He doesn’t want to help you
  • He refuses to do what you ask him for
  • He doesn’t listen to you

What makes these signs so hard to accept is that it’s truly upsetting to see how little he actually cares.

Besides, it’s hard to have to chase him and beg him for attention all the time!

The thing is, he doesn’t love you as much as he once did, because he is likely hurt and disappointed himself.

The reason he isn’t putting in the effort anymore is to communicate to you that he is unhappy with how things are.

But then, why doesn’t he just straight up tell you what’s wrong and what he is needing from you, right? This brings me to sign number two…

2. He Communicates Less

Another clear indicator that a man doesn’t love you anymore, is when he stops communicating.

You probably used to just get each other. So much so, you could continue talking for hours on end!

But now, he sits in silence and doesn’t tell you why.

Maybe you even tried getting him to talk, it only worked briefly, but then he shut down again.

Here are some example of what it means when a man stops communicating:

  • He doesn’t tell you about his day anymore
  • He is secretive and distant
  • He never wants to talk
  • He gives you one word answers
  • He doesn’t respond to your texts
  • He doesn’t tell you what his plans are
  • He doesn’t tell you what he is upset about
  • He is holding grudges and giving you silent treatment

It’s not easy to improve communication in a relationship.

In fact, this is something most couples struggle with. It’s a common pitfall that makes couples grow apart and care less for each other.

3. He Is Emotionally Unavailable

The next common sign that can help you know that he doesn’t care anymore is when the man you’re with becomes emotionally unavailable.

He is not as supportive and understanding as he once was. He doesn’t connect with you and feels distant and reserved.

Here are some examples:

  • He doesn’t empathize with you
  • He never takes your side
  • He is impatient and demanding
  • He doesn’t support you emotionally
  • He acts as though he didn’t care about your well-being
  • He doesn’t want to reassure you
  • He doesn’t care when you’re upset

When this is the case in your relationship, it really can feel like all the love is gone.

He might even judge you for needing reassurance and emotional closeness.

4. He Is Guarded and Distant

Another sad sign that he doesn’t love you anymore is when your boyfriend or husband is guarded and distant.

It’s similar to the previous one, just that in this case it’s less about him being there for you emotionally and more about how unwilling he is to let you in.

These are the examples of when a man becomes distant and guarded:

  • He doesn’t show vulnerability
  • He is emotionally detached
  • He never cries in front of you
  • You don’t know what he is feeling
  • The only emotions he ever displays are resentment and anger
  • You don’t know what he cares about, or if he even cares about anything at all
  • He never shows or admits to weakness
  • He never shows that he cares about you or is afraid of losing you
  • He doesn’t want to connect emotionally

Being together with someone who doesn’t let you in anymore is very hard.

You can never feel close or secure.

He leaves you feeling alone and makes you believe that he doesn’t care about losing you.

5. He Doesn’t Make Plans for the Future

A further sign that he doesn’t love you anymore is when a man stops making plans for the future with you.

This might mean both small, and big things:

  • You don’t know where the relationship is headed
  • You feel stuck
  • You can never make plans for the two of you
  • You can never be sure if he is going to accompany you or not
  • You feel like he might leave anytime
  • Even planning vacation or weekend trips with him is incredibly difficult
  • He never mentions the future with you
  • You don’t know what his plans really are
  • He keeps you in uncertainty and makes decisions last minute
  • He cancels last minute too

When a man treats you this way, it’s clear that he isn’t looking forward to doing things together with you.

Being stuck in a relationship with no clear future can be deadening and heart-wrenching at the same time.

On one hand, you’re probably already expecting him to pull away.

But on the other hand, you’re likely also secretly hoping that he is making plans, but just doesn’t share them with you.

Unfortunately, he is most likely losing his feelings and might not even want a future with you anymore.

This is why he isn’t making any plans.

6. He Is Physically Distant

This is another sad and painful sign that your boyfriend or husband doesn’t love you anymore.

When you care about someone, you crave to be physically close to them.

But when his feelings are gone, so is his need for closeness and affection.

These are the examples of what I mean exactly:

  • He doesn’t hug you
  • You don’t hold hands anymore
  • You sit separately on the couch
  • You sleep in separate beds or even rooms
  • You don’t cuddle
  • He doesn’t kiss you, not even on the cheek
  • He avoids closeness
  • He isn’t affectionate
  • He doesn’t do any PDA anymore (Public Display of Affection)

Affection and physical closeness are very important ways of bonding between people.

Your boyfriend or husband not wanting closeness with you, shows that he likely doesn’t trust you anymore.

This is why he literally chooses to keep you at an arm’s length.

7. He Desires You Less

The next big sign that a man doesn’t love you anymore is when he doesn’t want or initiate intimacy very often, if at all.

Just like affection, sex is also an important way of connecting and reconciling after a fight.

Here are some examples of what I mean:

  • He doesn’t initiate sex
  • He shuts you down when you’re trying to get him in the mood
  • Your love life is repetitive and boring
  • He doesn’t care about your pleasure
  • He feels distant in bed
  • He is always doing the same thing
  • He avoids intimacy
  • He doesn’t show or communicate his desires
  • He rather watches porn
  • You never feel his desire for you

This is a very difficult situation he is putting you in.

Maybe you’re thinking to yourself: “He doesn’t want me anymore, and it hurts”.

Yes, rejection hurts.

But let me reassure you here.

He is not interested, not because you’re unattractive or undesirable.

Since he was attracted to you once, all that chemistry can be reignited today.

It’s just that all that fire has been extinguished by the burden of all your unresolved relationship problems.

Keep in mind, there is actually a lot you can do to get him to want you sexually again.

And none of it has anything to do with changing your looks!

What Do You Do When You Feel Like He Doesn’t Love You Anymore

Coming to terms that the love is gone, and he doesn’t care as much as he once did, is incredibly difficult.

You’re likely also at your limit at this point.

Maybe you, too, have been losing interest in your relationship for a while now.

But you’ve learned to accept this new reality and live with it.

You might be baffled that your boyfriend or husband doesn’t love you but wants to stay together.

It’s frustrating to be stuck with him, when he is treating you this way.

Or you’re worried that things are hanging by a thread and expecting him to want to leave any moment now.

Either way, you can’t let this situation continue the way it is.

You’ve waited long enough for you to know that It will not resolve itself on its own.

You have two options here, you can either:

a) Call it quits: Tell him that you’ve had enough, you can’t continue living this way and are willing to walk away from him, if he doesn’t try to improve anything.


b) Try to mend things: This one is the safer bet. It’s less likely to actually end in a divorce or a breakup. However, it will require you to put in effort to stop your relationship from dying.

You’ll need to communicate with him and start fixing all the problems that were driving you apart.

My husband and I actually went through this very journey ourselves.

We, too, struggled in our relationship and almost lost each other because of all our problems.

But we managed to overcome them, and now we teach others how to do the same.

If you want structure and a step-by-step plan on how to fix your relationship, check out our online course: Rebuild Your Relationship

Here we teach why men fall out of love and what to do to reverse this process.

We will show you how to set boundaries to make it clear to him that he can’t continue treating you this way.

We’ll also give you tips on what to say and do to make him care more and become wild for you again.

Click here to Check out Rebuild Your Relationship

I hope you feel a little less alone after reading all this.

You’re very brave to be facing these sad signs. You really can get him to love you again, but you will have to stand up to him and fend for yourself.

I know how it feels to be questioning your boyfriend’s or husband’s love for you, this is why I suspect you’re likely at your limit with this.

If that’s your case, be sure to check out my other post:

When Is Enough Enough? How to Know When to Give Up and Let Go

Thank you for reading, I hope you have lovely days despite the heavy topic.

And if you have any questions, leave me a comment down below.


15 CLEAR Signs You Should Stay Away From Someone

15 CLEAR Signs You Should Stay Away From Someone

Photo by Mart Production

You’ve likely reached your limit with them.

It’s just too much at this point.

You’re not sure you can take it anymore and are looking for signs you should stay away from someone.

Because deep down, you feel like they might be doing you MORE harm than good…

And you need to know for sure.

That’s what I’ll help you with today.

The predicament you’re in is a tough one to balance. Because on one hand, there is, or at the very least was, something that draws you to this someone in your life.

The flip side is, of course, that you’re not sure if they’re good for you.

Let’s talk about the most important signs you should stay away from someone followed by how to stay away from them.

When Should You Walk Away From Someone – 15 Signs

We’ll start with the milder signs and escalate all the way up to the –definitely stay away from them!– signs.

And the more signs fit for you, the clearer the message is that you should leave them.

1. You Can’t Be Yourself Around Them

It’s like the cliché you see in teenage dramas.

A character desperately wants to fit in with the popular crowd at school, so that they finally won’t feel like a nobody.

But the rite of passage requires them to sacrifice who they are to get with the in-crowd.

They reluctantly do it and once finally accepted in the new clique, they find themselves at the highest social-tier and…

Feel empty inside.

Because they eventually realize they’ve given up everything that they valued and enjoyed to be with these people that were supposed to make them happy.

But they were told to deny themselves if they wanted to be accepted.

Ironic, no?

So, if you feel as though you have to change who you are so things “work” between you two, that’s your first sign to stay away from them.

2. After Meeting Them, You Feel Worse

You might be excited to see them again, but once you actually meet and spend some time together, you just feel downright depressed.

They might be nihilistic or utterly given up on anything good or hopeful in life.

And you bear the brunt of it.

You’re sucked into their gloomy vortex, and by the time you finally manage to pull yourself out, you realize just how bad you actually feel.

If this is a repeated experience you have with them, consider it another sign you should stay away from them.

3. They Make You Feel Inferior

There are few things more reprehensible than someone building their sense of self-worth by making you feel inferior.

They’ll make “jokes” at your expense and take jabs at you to gradually break you.

It’ll instill harmful doubt in you…

Being exposed to this kind of treatment repeatedly will not do you any good and is definitely something you ought to minimize.

Because if you don’t, it’ll chip away at your self-esteem, making you feel undeserving.

When someone treats you this way, count it as another sign you should stay away from this person.

4. They Ignore Everything That Is You

Each of us is uniquely different.

This is what brings value to the world, our unique identities, traits and resulting character.

They are the things that make up YOU.

And when someone is not interested in you and keeps ignoring you, it’s a definite sign that you should stay away from them.

Being continuously ignored for who you are and only accepted for when you fulfill their expectations, will not end well for you.

It might be time to stop caring about someone who doesn’t care about you.

5. You Only Meet, When and Where It Suits Them

You: “Wanna meet?”

Them: “Not today, I’m busy. Maybe next week.”

Next week.

You: “Wanna meet?”

Them: no response

A few days later.

Them: “I’m doing this thing at this place, when are you coming?”

The world revolves around THEM and only them.

Whatever you need, or whatever plans you might have, will only be acknowledged when and if it suits them.

Otherwise, they will conveniently ignore you and only reach out when they need something from you again.

When someone is using you this way, you should not take them seriously, since they clearly can’t offer you the most basic courtesy.

You can safely STAY AWAY from someone like this.

6. Being With Them Is Exhausting

In some people’s company, you will feel comfortable and at ease. Maybe even rejuvenated afterwards.

But in others, you will feel UTTERLY exhausted and drained.

These types of people are generally extremely high maintenance and require tiptoeing around to not make them upset.

You’ll feel like you’re walking on eggshells with them at all times.

And by the end of it all, you’ll fall into bed crying of exhaustion, wondering why you even hang out with someone like this.

If this is how you experience this person on a regular basis, know that it is not healthy and is a sign you should stay away from them.

7. They Endlessly Take From You

Are they comfortable with endlessly taking from you and not returning anything?

Self-centered people like this exist, and they will happily take:

  • Your time
  • Your attention
  • Your money
  • Your body

Without giving any thought to what you might be needing.

Ask yourself how much you are willing to give, without receiving anything in return?

Because although it might not be fair to expect YOU in people, it is still crucial to strike a balance.

8. They Don’t Recall What You Tell Them

This is an all-time classic and another sign that you should stay away from someone.

Have you told them something that happened the other day, an event in your life or maybe you expressed a request…

Only for them to completely forget about it the next time you bring it up?

The first time you told them, they might actually have listened, even seemed understanding towards you.

But upon revisiting the moment, it is as though it NEVER HAPPENED.

This communicates that your experiences and needs don’t matter, and it’s definitely not a person you want to be around.

9. You Stoop to Their Level Around Them

Everybody has a right to live their lives as they see fit…

So long as they are not harming others in the process.

If you find yourself being dragged down and are saying or doing things that you yourself would not choose to do or don’t even value, let alone enjoy…

Then it’s time to walk away.

It’s better to acknowledge that your values DON’T ALIGN and that you have set yourself different standards in life.

If someone is involving you and things you do not wish to do, it is a sign you should stay away from them.

10. They Dismiss- And Cross Your Boundaries

If you’ve mustered the courage to set boundaries with someone, and they still dismiss and cross said boundary, don’t take it lightly.

We all have LIMITS.

And when you communicate those limits, they need to be respected.

Or at the very least acknowledged and honestly talked about.

When someone ignores your boundaries, it’s often a factor that leads to relationships failing.

Take it as another sign that you need to stay away from them.

11. They Have a Short Fuse With You

When someone is short-tempered with you…

They’ll shut you down every time you try to say something contrary to their narrative…

You’ll likely hardly need to open your mouth for them to get angry at you right away and tell you how whatever opinion you hold is invalid or stupid.

And that you should just shut up already.

If someone treats you this way, take it as a sign that you’re gonna wanna stay away from them.

12. They Are Isolating From Others

The mind is a tricky thing.

And it can sometimes miss when things are SLOWLY getting worse.

Especially when you start out with someone and everything initially seems great and happy.

But as you become more comfortable and enmeshed, they might abuse that trust and begin gradually isolating you from others…

Juuust slowly enough so you don’t catch on.

It is often in that isolation that things take a turn for the worse and relationships can become emotionally or physically abusive.

So if you are being isolated from the people that were previously in your life and someone is treating you worse…

It’s time to count another sign and get the hell OUT.

13. They Gaslight You

Yes, we are ramping things up now, and it is going to take a darker turn.

But these are some of the most IMPORTANT SIGNS that you should stay away from someone.

Since your well-being and maybe even safety are at stake when it gets this serious.

Gaslighting is a tricky one to notice, since its very purpose is to undermine your perception of reality.

In other words, someone who is gaslighting you will make you doubt your own emotions, thoughts, and memories in order to control you.

They might say:

  • “That didn’t happen.”
  • “You’re imagining things!”
  • “Surely, you don’t feel that way..”
  • “How can you be so sure?”

In order to instill doubt and uncertainty, after which they will tell you what you “actually” think and feel.

Time to make a RUN for it and stay away from this one.

14. They Are Abusive Towards You

When someone is emotionally, psychologically or physically abusive towards you, you know a relationship WON’T LAST.

And it’s a definite sign that you should stay away from them and that your relationship is likely over.

No matter how much you understand their pain and where their behavior is coming from, it does NOT justify abuse towards you.

People fight in relationships, but there are limits and boundaries that should not be crossed.

Keep a close eye out for this one and don’t let it slide.

15. You’re Afraid for Your Safety

Finally, if you are afraid for your own physical safety it is without question a sign that you should stay away from someone.

Nobody should be in a relationship or in contact with someone that makes them feel this way.

You have a RIGHT to your personal space and safety.

And nobody has the right to cross that line.

If they try to, you should immediately walk away from them and cut them off for good.

How Do You Know if You Should Get Out of a Relationship?

If many of the signs that I listed above fit for you (especially the ones towards the bottom) then you should definitely get out of your relationship.

You know it’s over when they’ve crossed too many of your boundaries, here are the red flags in a relationship to watch out for:

  • They dismiss- and cross your boundaries
  • They have a short fuse with you
  • They are isolating from others
  • They gaslight you
  • They are abusive towards you
  • You’re afraid for your safety

This is when you should STAY AWAY from someone you love.

Some of you have asked, and yes, with a lot of hard work, abusive relationships can be fixed.

But it takes BOTH parties to acknowledge and work through their issues equally.

A lot of change is required and boundaries need to be truly respected.

And in my experience it’s rare for people to truly change, so carefully evaluate whether it’s worth the risk.

How Do You Walk Away From Someone You Like?

Depending on the severity of your situation, you will need to adjust your approach, in order to walk away from someone you like.

It won’t be easy.

(Even more so, if you’re inclined to obsess- and need help to stop obsessing over someone.)

But I would recommend the following to help you along the way.

Start with the less intense and if needed work your way up to the more critical measures:

Tell Trusted People What’s Going On

Don’t be alone with this.

Especially if your situation is more severe and things are escalating.

Tell the people you trust in your life (friends, family, work colleagues) what is going on and that you intend to stay away from this person now.

This is to ensure that you have backup and emotional support, which will make this process easier for you.

Make Plans to Leave

Whatever connects you with them needs to be slowly disconnected, so that you can leave.

If you live together or share spaces in life, those need to be detached.

Prepare yourself mentally and emotionally, too.

And if your circumstances require it, make plans to leave secretly to avoid escalating things.

Gradually Distance Yourself

Slowly begin to remove yourself emotionally and then physically.

You can be less available and take your time responding to texts.

Stay busy and make plans with other people.

This will also help you emotionally detach from someone you love, transition out of the relationship and stay away from them.

And if you were living together, now is the time to move out.

Set Clear Boundaries

If they retaliate or threaten you, set clear boundaries with them.

Don’t let things escalate, you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.

If setting boundaries is a challenge for you, start by doing them over text, then phone calls, and if necessary, then in person.

Confront Them

Sometimes you need closure.

And if that is the case for you, prepare yourself for a confrontation with them.

This can be over text or in person.

Here you will list all the wrong they have done towards you and tell them you will no longer be tolerating it.

It’s OVER.

This is generally a very big step for people, -your heart might be racing- but fear not.

You will feel ten times bigger after confronting them. No matter how they react, firmly stand your ground.

Cut Off Contact

If necessary, you can then cut off all contact.

Block them on your phone and social media, do not engage with them.

Depending on how long you knew someone, this will vary in difficulty.

You’ll be tempted to reach out to try to mend things “one last time”.

It’s important to keep in mind that you’ve already given them endless chances and that they didn’t appreciate that, they USED it.

I promise that after about a 3-month period it will become a lot easier.

If you’re having difficulty staying away from someone and need support, check out our one-on-one coaching calls.

SimplyTogether Coaching Calls

We’ll listen to your story and help you make up your mind as to whether you should stay away from them or not.

We’ll also teach you how to set firm boundaries and build your confidence so that you feel more secure in navigating challenging relationship situations.

Click here to find out about our coaching calls.

As always, thank you for reading, and you might want to check out: When Is Enough Enough? How to Know When to Give Up and Let Go.

If you’d like to share your story or have any questions, please leave them in the comments below.



10 Ways to Stop Obsessing Over Someone – (Guy or Girl)

10 Ways to Stop Obsessing Over Someone – (Guy or Girl)

Photo by Michael Alfons

So you want to know how to stop obsessing over someone, because that person in your life is constantly on your mind.

And you’re worried that it’s maybe getting a little out of hand…?

Because it’s become so prevalent in your mind, you might even have a hard time feeling motivated to do anything else.

I’m here to help you put a STOP to your agony.

(That’s assuming this is a one-sided love, and you’re sure he’s not fighting his feelings for you.)

And we’ll do that by answering the following:

  • What causes you to obsess over someone
  • What the signs of obsession are
  • What it means when you can’t stop obsessing over someone
  • And finally, how to stop obsessing over someone

Let’s get started.

What Causes You to Obsess Over Someone?

What causes you to obsess over someone is quite simply a NEED for safety and control.

Now, what do I mean by that?

Well, when there are countless factors in our lives that are out of our control, they make us feel powerless or helpless…

And obsessing over someone provides a form of the perfect escape.

Because the obsession is happening in your head, not reality.

And it’s a place in which you can imagine yourself and the person you obsess about, in a perfectly safe and controlled world.

A place with little risk of being hurt.

This is one of the reasons why you can’t stop thinking about him or her, and why it can feel SO GOOD and addictive.

It’s especially true, when you love them from afar, but more on that in a minute.

First, let’s cover…

What Are Signs of Obsession? – 12 Signs

While you can be obsessed with someone, it’s important to keep in mind that there are DEGREES of how obsessed you are.

The more intense your degree of obsession, the more of the signs will fit for you.

Before you dive in, give yourself a pat on the back for acknowledging that you’re dealing with obsessive behavior and are brave enough to face that!

We’re all human, and obsessing over someone for a period is not as rare a phenomenon as you might think.

It’s not just you.

Even though we’re talking about a particular individual in your life here…

Consider that, billions of people in this world obsess over actors and high-profile people that they will never even get a chance to meet, let alone talk to.

Your situation is probably about a person who’s actually in your life.

Now, here are the 12 signs of obsession:

1. You obsessively think about them

Yes, this is the most obvious sign of obsession.

And it’s when you obsessively think about someone in the morning, throughout your day, and before you fall asleep.

They live in your head rent-free and occupy most of it.

Whatever headspace remains untouched by them is reserved for basic tasks to keep your life running.

Like eating, sleeping and turning up to a job if you have to.

If you’re this type of character, you maybe you also generally find yourself easily becoming attached to people.

2. You idolize them

In your mind, the person you are obsessing about is likely perfect in almost every way.

From the way they smile, they look and their mannerisms…

Everything about them is simply poetry.

To you, they are the idea of a perfect safe haven.

What’s more, you might think that only you truly appreciate and understand their uniqueness and value…

3. You fantasize about them

Another sign of obsession is when you spend a lot of time fantasizing about them.

It’s likely a deeply guilty pleasure.

In your head you might be confessing your love for each other, frolicking in the fields, talking, making love and building a safe future together.

And since you are the author of said fantasy, you can craft it to your liking.

It’s an ideal world where you feel SAFE, where you belong to someone, and they belong to you.

4. You feel possessive and protective of them

You may or may not have had much direct contact with the person that you cannot stop obsessing over.

But that doesn’t really matter, does it?

You feel incredibly possessive and protective of them.

Again, likely because you believe that only you truly understand them; what they need and who they are.

So when others try to encroach on that territory…

5. You feel jealous when they interact with others

Because you and your obsession share a special world in your mind, where only the two of you are needed for eternal happiness.

That fantasy can easily be threatened when they interact with other people.

Even in platonic interactions.

So if in moments like these you find yourself feeling jealous, consider it another sign of obsession over someone.

6. You can’t take their ‘No’ for an answer

If you have expressed your interest in them, and they declined, you have a very difficult time accepting their decision.

Even if they give you clear signs they are not into you.

Because you KNOW that they are just making a mistake and don’t understand yet.

You feel that maybe the circumstances weren’t right or that they are being manipulated by others.

There will likely be some form of rationalization in your head, to not accept their “No” and will feel determined to try again when the time is right.

7. You analyze everything they say and do

When you obsess over someone, you’re likely to overanalyze everything they say and do.

Part of this may be to validate the narrative of you two “simply belong together”.

And you might be looking for signs that they have expressed interest in you, in indirect ways.

So you are on a mission to uncover the truth and read between the lines to find the answers you want.

8. You stalk them online or in real life

If your life circumstances do not organically put the both of you in a regularly shared space…

Then you will either obsessively follow (and engage) with their online activity, or you might even be stalking them in real life.

This kind of obsessive behavior might consume A LOT of time in your day…

Where you find yourself planning to “bump into them” or you feed off their social media to invigorate your fantasies.

9. You want them to obsess over you

And since the person you can’t stop obsessing about is constantly on your mind, and you spend so much time vicariously admiring or caring about them.

It would only seem fair to ask the same of them.

So you might find yourself being terribly upset when they do not reciprocate your level of dedicated obsession.

And ignore the fact that no response from them is actually a response.

If this is someone you are actually in a relationship with, you might repeatedly call and text them frequently.

This would be driven by fear of them not feeling the same way and consequently that they might abandon you.

10. You simply know you are meant to be together

Earlier, I mentioned that you might have a hard time taking their “No” for an answer.

This is likely driven by a belief that the two of you are simply meant to be together and are destined for each other.

This is another definite sign of obsession, especially if you feel this way after only knowing them for a few weeks or months…

11. You feel safe obsessing from afar

Now, here comes the irony in all the obsessive behavior.

In my observation, it is often the case that people obsess over someone who is unlikely to reciprocate their affections to begin with!

Because the fantasy of the person is too perfect to be threatened by what the REALITY might be, if you two were to actually be in a relationship:

  • “What if it doesn’t work out the way I have it in my head?”
  • “What if they don’t like me after all?”
  • “What if they love me, but then change their mind?”

There are simply too many unknowns and potential lack of control.

So you might find yourself obsessing over someone that you suspect will likely reject you, because it’s safer to love from afar instead of finding a serious person.

12. They are at the center of your life

Depending on how strong your obsession with someone is, they might take center stage in your life.

This means that most of what you think about and do is for your obsession.

You do things FOR THEM and for the potential future of being together.

And this can become a bit more radical, to the point where you’ve cut off contact and reduced contact with family and friends, who ‘simply don’t understand.’

So, these were the 12 signs of how an obsessed person behaves.

Let’s move onto what this kind of obsession means and how you can finally stop it.

What Does It Mean When You Can’t Stop Obsessing Over Someone?

Obsession over someone can mean many different things, some of which include:

  • You really like and admire this person
  • You need a safe space to hide and have chosen a fantasy
  • You’ve created a perfect persona of your obsession, to not be confronted with reality who they truly might be
  • You might be terribly afraid of rejection from your obsession
  • You have some feelings for this person and think you should make a move

Regardless of your reason for constantly thinking of someone, you have three options, really:

You can continue obsessing over them: This one is pretty straightforward, just continue what you’re doing and enjoy the fantasy without it being reciprocated.

Try to get to know them: Spend time with them and get to know each other. This will likely break the perfect fantasy, but at least you will know whether you love him/her or are just obsessed.

Try to stop obsessing over them: Since this is the focus of this post, this is the point we are going to expand on, which brings us to…

How Do I Stop Obsessive Thinking About Someone – 10 Ways

Now we get to the bottom of the matter.

So we’ve talked about what causes you to obsess over someone, which is the need for safety and control.

We’ve also covered the 12 signs of obsession, some of which you likely identified with.

Now we finally get to the heart of the matter; how do you stop obsessing over someone who doesn’t want you?

These are the 10 ways to stop obsessing over someone:

1. Create distance from them

First and foremost, you need to create as much distance from your obsession as you can.

This is CRITICAL because without distance, It will be next to impossible to stop obsessing over them.

Since you will be trapped in the obsessive thoughts cycle, which can be somewhat addictive.

So in your own time, gradually create increased distance from them, even though it might first hurt.

2. Stop idolizing them, confront the reality instead

Next, you’ll need to face the reality that they are ONLY HUMAN.

Just like you.

As much as we would like to think that there is that perfect someone in the world waiting to make everything right in our lives…

The truth is, every individual (and couple for that matter) has struggles that they need to overcome.

Nobody and no relationship is perfect.

So it’s important to realize that the person you are obsessing over has their own challenges and limits.

You just don’t know about them.

And the way you fantasized about them in an ideal world, is unfortunately just that, a fantasy.

3. Stop going to places they frequent

If there are places that you know they frequent, or you have previously met in, you’ll want to AVOID THEM where possible.

This will prevent you from accidentally bumping into them and in addition will prevent triggers to thinking about them.

If you are not in a position to do so, due to a shared work environment for example…

Then reduce your interactions with him to whatever degree possible without compromising your professional integrity.

4. Stop stalking them

This is the mirror opposite of one of the excessive signs we covered earlier.

You basically need to stop stalking them in real life or even online.

Gone are the days of you spending your free time obsessing over their lives and what they do.

Now it’s time to think about you and your life.

There is no point investing so much and caring about someone who doesn’t care about you.

5. Avoid items that remind you of them

If you have things that keep reminding you of them, like personal items or memorabilia, you’ll want to get rid of them.

In case that is too painful, at least pack them up and hide them somewhere in a closet or attic.

This will also help reduce thoughts of them, and you’ll be able to focus on yourself and your things instead.

6. Spend time socializing

This is a very helpful way to stop obsessing over someone.

Social interaction is one of the most occupying and stimulating distractions you can do to stop obsessing over someone.

Whether it’s with friends, family or acquaintances, anything to preoccupy yourself with other people will help you.

This kind of company will ground you and help you be in the present moment more.

Feel free to exclude people that you connect with your obsession.

7. Start a new social hobby

This takes the previous idea of socializing to another level.

The same idea applies, with the added benefit of an activity to keep your mind off the person you obsess over, and instead, busy with what you’re doing with others.

I can personally recommend hiking, dancing, traveling, and sports activities with others.

All are fantastic and effective ways to stop obsessing over someone.

But find which social activity speaks to you and go for it.

8. Participate in speed dating

There is nothing less committal yet stimulating than speed dating.

This can work very well because of the social factor, but the real reason I recommend it is that it will be a reality check.

And this is not about meeting someone new.

Instead, when you spend five minutes getting to know someone, and then you meet the next person and do the same 20 times over…

You’ll start to notice that they all have flaws, quirks, can be awkward, uninteresting and maybe even unpleasant.

It will confront you with the reality of what people are like in the real world, not in a fantasy.

Which of course also applies to the person you’re trying to stop obsessing over, which will make it increasingly difficult to hold them up on their pedestal.

9. You will be okay without them

I know, I know, they were your one and only, someone uniquely special with whom you’d share indefinite happiness.

But the truth is, you were okay BEFORE they came into your life.

And you will be OKAY without them again.

Do you remember that thing you were obsessed about having in your life, that was going to FIX that problem of yours?

Then you got that thing, and now it’s sitting somewhere in your home probably forgotten, and you’ve moved onto other items of interest?


This is going to work the same way.

And although this isn’t the end of a relationship, you’ll still feel the 7 emotions after a breakup.

Which brings us to the final way to stop obsessing over someone…

10. Give yourself time

I know it’s cliché, but we do need time to process our thoughts and feelings.

You won’t forget them in a week, nor in a month.

But it’s not just time…

You’ll also need to apply the above-mentioned methods to stop obsessing over them.

These things in conjunction will be how you finally get them out of your head and move on with your life.

Here’s a quick overview of the 10 ways to stop obsessing over someone, in case you want to reference them later:

  1. Create distance from them
  2. Stop idolizing them, confront the reality instead
  3. Stop going to places they frequent
  4. Stop stalking them
  5. Avoid items that remind you of them
  6. Spend time socializing
  7. Start a new social hobby
  8. Participate in speed dating
  9. You will be okay without them
  10. Give yourself time

If you’d like any help on how to stop obsessing over someone, be sure to check out our Coaching Calls.

Here, we’ll be able to get into the details of your story and the person you’re obsessed with.

From there, we can dig a little deeper to understand what’s driving your obsessive behavior to finally put a stop to it.

Click here to check out Coaching Calls.

Thank you for reading this post.

I hope you found this article helpful and if you have any questions please leave them down below.

You might also be able to relate to 50 Sad One Sided Relationship Quotes About One Way Love.



Should I Text Him First or Not? What Will Happen if You Don’t

Should I Text Him First or Not? What Will Happen if You Don’t

Photo by Laura Chouette

If you’re thinking to yourself: “should I text him first or not?”, then chances are a guy you like hasn’t been paying enough attention to you lately!

Maybe you guys just went out on a date, and you are eager for him to already start arranging the next one…

Or maybe you’re together, and you need him to make more effort and prove to you that he does actually care about you.

Another possibility is that you’re broken up, and you hoped that doing no contact will bring him back already, but it didn’t…

Regardless of what your circumstances are, one thing is for sure: he is leaving you hanging for a reason.

What his motives are exactly, why he is treating you this way, depends on the circumstances you guys are in.

In this article, I’ll cover all the most common scenarios and what the rules for texting are in those situations.

But before jumping into the details, I first want to give you a general principle on how to balance texting in a way that will encourage any man to make more effort.

Should I Text Him First – Rule of Thumb

When wondering whether you should text him first or not, remember the last exchange you guys had: who initiated it?

If you were the one to text him first last time, it’s best that you wait for now.

But if he reached out to you last, then it’s definitely time for you to return the gesture and text him first this time.

The rule of thumb when it comes to texting is to try to balance out the amount of effort that both of you are putting in into making things work.

By doing it, you can make sure that you’re not just chasing him all the time and letting him take you for granted.

You have to be willing to leave room for him to make the effort and SHOW YOU that he does care and wants to make things happen.

At the same time, women can sometimes come across as distant and reserved without intending to do so. This is why keeping a healthy balance and initiating contact, just as much as he is, is so crucial.

This way, you can also show him that you care too and that he isn’t the only one making all the effort, either.

Is It Bad to Text a Guy First Everyday?

In most cases, yes, it is bad to text a guy first every day.

As long as you’re doing this, you’re spoiling him. You’re showering him with attention without him having to lift a finger for it.

Moreover, doing this might make you come across as needy or controlling.

It’s ok to text him first in the morning, every other day, though!

If he genuinely likes you, he will reciprocate your efforts. But you might need to teach him to do so by simply waiting for him to make the next move.

What Happens When You Don’t Text Him First?

Generally speaking, not texting a guy first allows you to find out where he is truly at. You’re leaving him room to show you his true colors.

Men aren’t very different from women in this regard.

What he’ll think when you don’t text him is: “What happened, did she change her mind about me?”

And then he’ll start worrying that you might be losing interested in the relationship, or that you’ve already found someone else.

This is why not texting him first is the easiest way to motivate the guy to make more effort.

But it doesn’t necessarily always work, or not as fast as you’d like, because he might not be as invested as you hoped he’d be.

Or maybe he just isn’t emotionally available enough to build a serious relationship.

It’s often easy to keep on chasing a guy and let him get away without him making more effort by making up excuses for him:

“Oh he is just really busy with work right now.”

“Maybe he is just too stressed out.“

The truth of the matter is, if he truly cares about you, he will reach out to you sooner or later.

But you have to give him space, to show you where he is really at, though!

Many of our coaching clients are hesitant with this step because they struggle with a very strong fear that if they’re not going to make an effort and initiate, they’ll just never hear from their guy again.

You don’t need to worry about this too much! Even ghosters tend to come back.

And if you really never hear from a guy ever again just because you didn’t text him first, he was never serious about you to BEGIN WITH!

I Want to Text Him, but I Know I Shouldn’t

I already briefly talked about this resistance many of us women have when it comes to facing the reality where men are truly at and how much they really care about you.

If you want to text a guy but know that you shouldn’t, then you can already sense that you’ve been chasing him.

Maybe he is making you freak out by distancing himself and pulling away.

Or he has been extra defensive and rebellious towards you.

Regardless of where he is at, if you feel like you shouldn’t text him first, DON’T.

If he cares about you, he’ll text you next. And if he doesn’t, chasing him won’t change that.

It’ll only drive him away faster.

5 Scenarios When You Should Text Him First

Alright, so I’ve covered all the most common situations when you shouldn’t text a man first.

Now it’s time to switch gears and talk about all the other times when it’s ok or even NEEDED for you to make the first move.

Some of these are scenarios typical to early stages of dating, while others are common among couples in a relationship or after a breakup.

1. You Can Text a Guy First After a Date

First and foremost, you can absolutely text a guy first after a date. We live in the 21st century, it’s perfectly acceptable for a woman to make a move!

By doing this, you’ll be showing him that you’re interested in him and possibly want more.

Plus, you might even need to text him first, if the guy you’re into is very shy or afraid of rejection.

2. You Should Text Him First After a Month of Not Talking

This is another scenario typical for early stages of dating or relationship. Let’s say you were talking to a guy, but then things somehow just fizzled out.

Maybe something came in between and made you lose touch with one another.

Now a month or more has passed, and you’re still wondering:

Does he care? Is he still interested?

There is no point waiting any longer and hoping that he’ll reach out to you. You should just text him first to find out where he is truly at.

If he responds and makes an effort to keep the conversation going, it means you still have a chance.

But if he gives you one word replies or doesn’t respond at all, then you don’t have to wonder any longer:

It’s time to move on.

3. It’s Better to Text Him First After an Argument

This scenario applies to couples in a relationship or freshly broken up.

If you just had a fight with your boyfriend, keep in mind that there are always two sides to every argument. You’re hurt about things, he is hurt about other things.

It’s all a mess.

Reaching out to a guy after an argument can be like a gesture of peace.

(As long as you’re not attacking him or trying to convince him to see things your way, of course…)

And even if you’re genuinely trying to make up, he might still keep on fighting you on every small issue.

Still, it’s always better to try to talk things out, rather just give him space and hope that he will miraculously start seeing the error in his ways.

Because he won’t.

Which brings me to my next point…

4. Text Him First When You Know He Is Struggling With Something

When a guy is depressed or struggling with something, his first response can be to ask you for space. In some cases, he might even request a relationship break or break up completely.

To you, it might feel like he is pushing you away in his moment of need.

Well, that’s because he most likely is!

Men have a hard time showing weakness. They worry it makes them unattractive and that you might want to leave because of it.

So they try to preempt the strike and withdraw first.

If he asked you for space, you need to respect it.

But if you haven’t heard from him in a week, and you know he is struggling with something, nothing stands in the way of you just checking in.

Text him first and ask how he is doing. He’ll appreciate it and feel slightly less alone with his problems.

5. Definitely Text Him First After No Contact

If you did not contact after a breakup, chances are you were doing it to get your ex back.

The problem with cutting a guy off without any explanation is that they might interpret your rejection as you not caring about them.

I know this might sound ridiculous, but men can be extremely sensitive in this regard.

This is why it’s so important to cut them off the right way, to get them to chase you again.

If you did no contact, but your ex didn’t bite, and you haven’t heard from him ever since, there is no point waiting any longer.

He most likely believes you intend on moving on and is doing the same thing himself.

So it might be best to clarify this misunderstanding as soon as possible by texting him first.

How Often Should I Text Him to Keep Him Interested

Regardless whether you’re dating, in a relationship or broken up, maintaining an open communication channel is crucial to keep things going.

Contrary to what they claim, guys don’t actually have an unlimited amount of confidence. They need encouragement to keep on pursuing you!

If they don’t think you’re really interested, they’ll just give up sooner or later.

This is why it’s so important that you do text him first every now and then.

At the same time, you have to try to gauge where he is at and not overload him with unwanted attention. If he is not as interested as you’d like him to be, overtexting him is not going to change that.

You’ll be only letting him take you for granted and reject you over and over again.

This is why you need to match his efforts and leave him room to come your way at his own pace.

If you need help making sense of the situation you’re in, we can figure it out with you in a 1-1 coaching call.

Here, we’ll listen to your story and explain and interpret all the strange male behaviors.

We’ll also give you tips on what to do to test him, so that you can know for sure where his heart is really at.

Click here to check out Coaching Calls.

Getting men to show more interest in you can be tiresome. They do love to play power games by giving you mixed messages.

In case you need some tips on how to get a guy to chase you, my husband wrote a post about that:

Make Him Want You With These 7 Sneaky Ways

Thank you for reading, and in case you have any questions about when to text him first, leave me a comment down below, and I’ll get back to you!


Why Do I Still Feel Connected to My Ex? – The 6 Big Reasons

Why Do I Still Feel Connected to My Ex? – The 6 Big Reasons

Photo by Néo Rioux

If you’re wondering why you still feel connected to your ex, the first part of the answer is surprisingly simple:

It is because you are STILL connected to your ex.

The second part is that there are different reasons for that, which we’ll cover in a minute.

But it’s worth mentioning that that connection can be a good or bad thing.

In this post, I’m going to cover exactly why you still feel connected to your ex and whether you should reconnect.

We’ll also cover how the dynamic between exes works and some things you can do to either move on, or try to get back together with them.

Depending on what you want…

But let’s start with the basics:

Why Am I Drawn Back to My Ex?

When you break up with your ex, that’s it, right?

You’ve broken up, it’s over, and the connection is severed. You can turn the page and start your life as though they never existed.


That’s (unfortunately) not how human connection works.

And certainly not how connections work with an intimate ex-partner!

The deeper the bond was, the more you will still feel connected to your ex. That is why you still have feelings for your ex, even years after.

It’s a story I have heard plenty of times with my coaching clients and in your emails:

A couple breaks up because things are no longer working between them, they are simply overwhelmed with all the fights, and they feel emotionally at their LIMIT

They spend time apart and move on with their lives (or try to).

As the months or even years pass, the dust settles and what once felt like a battlefield of hurt and pain, now seems more like an imperfect but fond and safe place.

The old flame is rekindled, and you find yourself asking ‘Why do I still feel connected to my ex?’

This is also why you might miss your ex MORE as time goes on.

If you’re new here, you may not know that Karolina’s and my story is very much along these lines.

Since we know this pattern so well, and are familiar with the journey that couples go through to get back together, we now help people with this exact situation.

And as mentioned, you still feel connected to your ex because emotional bonds run very deep.

We are social beings and no matter how much we might deny our attachments, it doesn’t diminish or undo them.

They still have a huge influence on us and steer our decisions emotionally, whether we like it or not.

So if you find yourself still feeling your ex, or can’t stop thinking about your ex from years ago…

Don’t be hard on yourself about it.

It is perfectly normal to still feel feelings for someone that played an important part in your life.

6 Reasons Why You Might Still Feel Connected to Your Ex

Now, there are plenty of reasons why you might still feel connected to your ex.

After all, relationships are complicated and nuanced.

But there are some major themes that we see repeating with our clients, and these are the top six that might fit for you as well:

1. Your breakup was not that long ago

Your connection (as well as pain) will be at its strongest shortly after your breakup.

So if your breakup was months, let alone weeks ago, it makes perfect sense that you still feel connected to your ex.

As time goes on, you will find yourself feeling a growing distance between you and your ex.

But this generally requires limiting contact. Or in the case of a toxic relationship, cutting off all contact to protect yourself.

Only then will you feel your connection to your ex gradually fade.

2. Your ex hurt you

No relationship is perfect. And people break up because they are hurting too much to try to continue the relationship.

I dare say, there is a good chance that your ex hurt you…

It may have been malicious, it may have been unknowingly, but these kinds of painful experiences can also make us feel connected to our ex in a way that is not good for us.

It’s that pain, that also feels good, because at least it makes us still feel connected to our ex.

But you should know that even this kind of connection fades, especially if your ex suddenly decides to move on.

3. You’re still in touch

Trying to not feel connected to an ex while being in touch is virtually impossible.

Even if it’s limited to texting from time to time.

Our connections run deep, and any contact with an ex only helps that bond resurface and strengthen.

So in case you are truly trying to get over your ex, know that staying in touch will make that VERY difficult.

So this is another reason you might still feel connected to your ex.

4. You’re only reminiscing the positives

When we have more distance from our ex, it’s easy to forget the bad and start seeing the past in a positive light.

Accepting that they are gone now is difficult, so it makes sense that we daydream about how great things were.

Especially since we are trying to fill a void with the absence of our ex.

Doing this will of course also make you think about your ex so much and feel connected to them.

So it’s important to try to keep a realistic and healthy balance of seeing things as they were rather than how we would have liked them to be.

5. You’re not ready to let go

Getting over an ex is NOT easy.

It’s especially difficult if you were together for a long time.

You will have spent countless hours, days, weeks, months, and even years together.

Full of memories, events and very special moments that both of you shared.

When you have so much time with someone, you form a strong bond, so it’s understandable that you might not be ready to let go of that.

This is one of the BIGGEST reasons people still feel connected to their ex.

Truly accepting a breakup takes time, and you deserve all the time in the world to grieve if you intend to move on from your ex.

6. You’re quite simply soulmates

Everybody has relationships in their lives.

But nobody would argue that some aren’t more special than others.

And so it is with intimate relationships.

Sometimes you just meet someone so special with whom you have an instant connection, and you can feel in your bones that this is your soulmate.

And as we repeatedly say here on our blog, couples often break up not because they are incompatible, but because they didn’t have the tools to overcome the roadblock they were facing.

So it is possible that you and your ex are soulmates and that is why you still feel connected to them.

And finally, if you’re wondering whether soulmates can break up and get back together, yes they absolutely can and do!

How Do You Know if Your Ex Is Still Thinking About You?

Now, if you’ve been wondering why you’ve been thinking so much about your ex lately, it is only natural to wonder whether your ex is still thinking about you TOO.

It’s pretty common, since the previous point I made, about still feeling connected to an ex, applies to them too.

And the good news is, there are signs to help you know your ex isn’t over you!

Here are a few to look out for:

  • They still have your things at their place and aren’t trying to give them back
  • They aren’t dating anyone new
  • They keep on texting or calling you as though you were still together
  • They talk to others about you

And if you want to be really sure about whether your ex still feels connected to you too…

Check out my wife’s excellent blog post that goes into more depth about how to know if your ex secretly wants you back.

Can Your Ex Fall Back in Love With You?

Yes, your ex can absolutely fall in love with you again.

Not only does human connection run very deep, once you have connected with someone, it is much easier to pick things up where you left off.

You can think of it as riding a bicycle, it’s something that you may not do for YEARS.

But give yourself an hour, and you’ll pick it up as though it was yesterday. It’ll be like you’d never forgotten how to ride it.

The point being, although things may initially be awkward and a little jarring, ex-couples find each other pretty quickly, because the patterns are already established.

So in case of your ex, that would mean you are in an advantageous position with your shared history and have good chances of your ex falling in love with you again.

And in case you’re wondering, how to know if your ex wants you back but won’t admit it, you can read: 17 signs he is fighting his feelings for you.

It’ll help you know whether your ex still feels connected to you.

Is It Worth Reconnecting With an Ex?

Now, no relationship is ever black-and-white, there are love-hate elements to all of them.

But it is important to evaluate whether your relationship was healthy and consequently whether the connection you still feel to your ex is a positive one.

(Especially if you are flirting with the idea of getting back together with your ex.)

So if you were experiencing any of the following in your with your ex, I would NOT recommend reconnecting with them:

  • Physical abuse
  • Repeated verbal abuse
  • If you had repeated psychological breakdowns
  • If you felt worthless or depressed
  • If there was emotional manipulation and gaslighting

Sorry to get so dark, but it’s an unfortunate reality of more relationships than you might imagine.

But if you can exclude the above and feel like the connection with your ex is a special one, then nothing stands in the way, and you should absolutely reconnect with them.

A word of caution, though.

Too many people get so caught up with their own emotions of love and wanting to reconnect with their ex, that they entirely forget to take their ex’s perspective and feelings into account.

Because they may not feel the same way you do.

Or they are holding grudges that need to be dealt with before you can successfully reconnect.

This is why it is so important to approach your ex carefully and with the right message.

It is what will maximize your chances of winning them over and giving a relationship another shot.

If that is something you would like help with, check out our Ex Back Coaching.

In a call, we listen to your relationship history and based on that and your ex’s character, we lay out a strategic plan for you to get your ex back for good.

We’ll give you tips on what to say and do to get them to fall back in love with you and want to commit to you again. 

Click here to check out Ex Back Coaching.

I hope you found this post helpful, and got the orientation you needed.

Thank you for reading, and if you have any comments or questions about still feeling connected to your ex, you can leave them down below and I will get back to you.

You might also want to check out: 16 Clear Signs Your Ex Is Becoming Interested Again.

See you next time,


16 Clear Signs Your Ex Is Becoming Interested Again

16 Clear Signs Your Ex Is Becoming Interested Again

Photo by Helena Lopes

When you go through a breakup, it can be difficult to notice the signs that your ex is becoming interested again.

Since there can understandably be a lot of emotional turmoil and confusion.

But as days and weeks pass, there will be subtle signals they give you that will let you know if your ex still has feelings for you.

The reason I can tell you this with confidence is because I was once that ex myself.

And I gave Karolina (my ex-girlfriend at the time, -now wife) signs that I was fighting my feelings for her.

And today I want to share what you need to look out for to know when your ex is NOT over you and is becoming interested again.

Let’s dive in.

How Do You Know if Your Ex Wants You Back but Won’t Admit It?

When people break up, it’s often messy and a lot of hurtful things might have been said.

So there is a lot of vulnerability and hesitation on both sides.

This is why it often takes longer for an ex to come back.

They may be stubborn, afraid, angry and even suspicious. And for these reasons will not want to be transparent about how they feel towards you.

What’s more, your ex may not even know themselves how they feel and whether they are willing to take the risk of trying to make things work again.

So there is likely a lot of internal conflict and uncertainty for them as well.

This is where it becomes important to look out for the signs that your ex is becoming interested again and maybe secretly wants you back..

Because even if they won’t admit that they want you back, if they truly do…

They will be giving you all sorts of signs that will let you know where their heart TRULY lies.

16 Signs to Know if Your Ex Is Interested in You Again

In order to know when your ex isn’t over you, you really need to look past what they are saying and instead observe their ACTIONS.

These actions and signs will help you determine whether your ex is interested in you again.

Because they are bound to give you all sorts of MIXED messages in their confused state!

So trust your instincts and look out for the following signs that your ex is becoming interested again.

1. They keep in touch with you

When people are serious about a breakup, they cut off ALL contact.

So, a definite and easy sign to tell that your ex is becoming interested again is that they KEEP in touch with you.

They will text you, they will call you, or even write you a lovely letter if they are feeling old school.

You might also experience that your contact is more easy-going and regular with them, than it had previously been.

2. They play it cool but are signaling interest

It’s rather unlikely that your ex is giving you very clear signs that they are becoming interested again.

(Hence the signs in this article.)

So expect them to play things cool and even pretend to be over you from time to time, while making various gestures and efforts to reconnect.

This will be a mixed bag and their behavior will likely fluctuate.

So check whether other signs fit from deciphering their messages and see if there is a silver lining.

3. They react to your social media posts

Is your ex reacting to your social media posts?

If yes, consider it a sign that your ex is becoming interested in you again.

No ex that is truly trying to get over you would engage with your posts, because that would simply be too hurtful for them.

So when they are liking or even sharing your social media posts, take it as another sign that your ex is becoming interested in you again.

4. Your ex gives you plenty of mixed messages

An old time classic is mixed messages.

When Karolina and I broke up, I was giving her plenty of mixed signals and would often contradict myself.

“We broke up and are no longer in a relationship, but do you wanna hang out and grab coffee together, just the TWO OF US?”

Yeah, it makes no sense.

Unless of course your ex is becoming interested again! 😉

So definitely expect this and know that they are also testing you.

5. They make an effort to impress you again

One of the clearest signs to look out for is that your ex will do and say whatever they need to, to make an impression on you.

It’s as though you were dating all over again, and they are prancing and dancing around you, showing off their best side to win you over.

Enjoy the show.

And if you’re feeling vengeful, let them sweat a little too.

6. They keep tabs on you

One of the reasons your ex will regularly be in touch with you, is because they want to ‘be in the know’ of what is happening in your life.

In particular, your LOVE LIFE.

Because they need to be sure that there are no potential rivaling candidates competing for your heart.

So if your ex is asking you “innocent questions” like:

  • How was your day?”
  • “What’s new?” or
  • “What have you been up to lately?”

Then know that your ex is keeping tabs on you and is becoming interested again.

7. Your ex wants to meet you

In addition, they will definitely make active efforts to see you in person.

This is another way of ensuring they can secure you for themselves and not lose you to anybody else on the market.

Because they want to ensure that the connection you share is still intact, and affirm (often covertly) that you still feel the same way towards them.

So if your ex keeps wanting to meet you in person, it is a sure fire sign that they are becoming interested again.

8. They still flirt with you and tease you

Even though your ex has broken up with you, if they are still flirting and teasing you, consider it a clear sign of the renewed interest.

Because friends don’t flirt with each other, lovers, and couples do!

And no matter how much your ex might deny it or play it down, don’t fall for their sneaky (often playful) tricks.

If it feels like they are flirting with you, then they are flirting with you.

Trust your gut on this one.

9. They get jealous when they see you with someone else

If your ex was truly over you, they would have no problems hearing that you are casually dating or seeing someone else…

So if you are hanging out with a friend, and that’s enough to set them on fire with jealousy:

  • “Who was that?”
  • “Are you seeing someone??”
  • “Is there something you want to tell me?!”

Then they are asking you questions that they have no right to be asking if they were truly over you.

So this is an easy to identify sign that your ex is becoming interested in you again.

10. They try to make you jealous

In the same way that they might become jealous of someone in your life, your ex might make active counter efforts to make you jealous.

Try not to be too upset about this!

Because what they’re actually trying to achieve, is to draw you back in and make you want them more.

This is also a clear sign that your ex is NOT ONLY becoming interested again, but also definitely wants you back.

11. They are not dating other people yet

Another certain way to tell your ex wants you back again is that they are not dating other people.

When two people break up, there is a delicate, unspoken duel that arises:

Who is going to move on FIRST?

Breakups are painful, yes, but when an ex moves on it can feel like a second and even more painful break up.

Because getting back together and undoing the hurt feels even less attainable.

So if your ex is making a point of NOT dating other people, then consider it a sign that they are still courting you.

And it’s also a way to know if a guy or a girl loves you but is scared.

12. You seem to be on better terms now than before the breakup

It’s ironic, though not uncommon, for ex-couples to get along better after a breakup.

Since you are no longer in your respective roles of partnership, a lot of the old expectations and rules no longer apply.

This leaves breathing room and brings a certain novelty back to your interactions that might have been previously missing or lost.

When you get along this way with your ex, it’s a sure sign they’re falling for you again.

13. You can feel your emotional connection

How do you tell if someone is hiding their feelings for you?

When someone cuts themselves off from you emotionally and stonewalls, that is something that you can clearly FEEL.

Because it’s excruciating.

If you can still feel an emotional connection with your ex, then that means that they are still letting you in and want to connect with you as well.

Take this connection as a clear sign your ex is becoming interested again.

14. Your ex tells you they love you

If your ex texts or tells you that they still love you, you’ve got a very clear sign for yourself right there!

It’s a vulnerable thing for them to express, and not something they would say if they were no longer interested in you.

If you want them back, be sure to not leave them hanging in a moment like this, and reciprocate in a way that feels true to you.

This will help you start rebuilding the trust.

15. They still want to touch you

Yes, this is one of the clearest signs your ex can give you that indicate they are becoming interested in you again.

Whether they are “accidentally” brushing your hand as you walk side-by-side, or they want to hold your cheek tenderly in their hand.

All of these gestures are clear indications of a rekindling connection

and interest from their side.

16. Your ex wants to sleep with you

I’ve saved the most obvious one for last, but it should come as no surprise.

If your ex wants to be in bed with you again, they are most definitely becoming interested in you again.

Sleeping with your ex is one of the fastest ways to get back together with them.

So if you two are interested in being intimate again, consider this a big step in giving your relationship another shot.

These are the most common signs to look out for that your ex is becoming interested again.

Don’t expect a perfect track record, breakups are messy and getting back together can be the same.

But a lot of the signs should hold true when your ex is wanting you again.

I hope your ex gives you the signs you are looking for and that things work out between you guys!

And if your ex is someone very special to you, and you want to ensure you get them back, definitely check out Ex Back Coaching.

SimplyTogether Coaching Calls

In a call, you can share your story, and we’ll piece clues together that you may have missed. After that, we’ll get to formulating a solid strategy to get your ex back for you.

We’ll give you tips on what to say and do, to get them to try harder and want to commit to you again.

Click here to check out Ex Back Coaching.

Thank you for reading and if you have any questions please leave them in the comment section.

You might also be interested in reading 6 Signs He Is Hurting After the Breakup and What It Means.