So if you’ve experienced him being increasingly unavailable, and it feels like he’s barely noticing you during sex, then it’s a definite sign he is losing interest.
7. Does he avoid you at events or parties?
Social engagements with your partner are fun, right? — Or are they?
There are few things more humiliating than going to an event with him, whereupon arriving, he immediately ducks out and avoids you like the plague throughout the evening.
Especially if you see him laughing and enjoying himself with others -or worse, with other women.
Unless you’ve had a big fight just before the party that left you both fuming and ignoring each other, there is no reason for him to be acting this way, unless of course he is no longer partial towards you…
8. Is he paying more attention to other women than to you?
It’s perfectly common for either of you to sneak a guilty glance at an attractive passer by every once in a while.
But if he’s making a habit of it, is talking to other women, and giving them more attention than he does to you, that’s a definite RED-ALERT!
(Whether these interactions are in person or online.)
You are his partner and as such, deserve to have priority and exclusivity when it comes to his attention.
So if you feel like second place, like he doesn’t love you anymore, and he’s endlessly taking more time for other women than he does for you, take it as a definite sign that he is losing interest.
9. Does he seem to be on autopilot with you?
We can all get overwhelmed with our demanding lives and the people in it at times…
So we zone out, put on cruise control and meander through our day just to make it home for some shut-eye. During these times we’re inattentive, easily distracted and unfocused.
I’m sure you’ve experienced this inattentive side of him too, and that’s perfectly okay from TIME TO TIME:
“Sorry, did you say something?”
“Yeah, honey of course… — what?”
“Sure, sure, whatever you say”
But if him not listening, being unresponsive or not being present with you is STANDARD procedure, where he’s constantly on autopilot and drifts off, then that’s another sign for you.
10. Is he taking more liberties with bad behavior?
We all have our limits, and it can be especially difficult to keep your cool in long-term relationships. Since you’ve known each other for such a long time and are familiar with the others’ tendencies and patterns…
But if you find that he’s showing and expressing his frustration without restraint, and is on bad behavior, it’s something to keep an eye on.
Because when partners lose interest in their relationship, they take even more liberties to act out of line and risk sabotaging things further!
So if this fits for you, consider it a final sign.
How many signs fit for you? Remember, the more fit, the likelier it is that he is unfortunately losing interest.
Especially if you’re at 6 signs or more.
But I want you to check in with yourself as well, though. Do you FEEL like he’s losing interest? What does your gut tell you?
It’s also helpful to listen to your own instincts to give you a clearer answer.
Now, if your answer is ‘Yes, I believe he is losing interest’.
Then the obvious next question would be…
How do I make him interested again?
First, let me say that you’re in a good position here.
Good in that you’ve noticed something was off early enough to act and PREVENT things from escalating further!
Many of our coaching clients make the unfortunate mistake of missing the signs that he’s losing interest and only retrospectively recognizing them once their partner has already become an ex-partner.
And it’s much harder to reverse a breakup, than it is to pre-empt a breakup.
If you know this is the case, then texting him again would be a wild goose chase and potentially mean further hurt for you. Maybe save yourself the trouble and come to terms with it being a one-sided love…
So for these reasons (and more that we won’t cover today) it’s best to WAIT for two to three days before texting him again.
If you do, he’ll think of you as laid back and appreciate you giving him the time he needed to come around again.
As you can see, pausing and giving him some space is often what you should do when he isn’t texting you back, instead of texting again.
Is No Response A Rejection?
No response is a response, but it does not necessarily mean rejection. Rather, it entirely depends on your particular circumstances.
If he falls into any of the first 4 categories we covered:
He’s genuinely busy
He doesn’t think your text required a response
He’s annoyed about something that happened
He wants space
— Then him not responding DOES NOT automatically equal rejection. You’ll likely get a chance to clarify things and reconnect.
Now with all of that out of the way, let’s finally discuss…
What To Do When He Doesn’t Text You Back – 7 Steps
1. Don’t Panic, Stay Cool
Is your mind racing with all sorts of unpleasant or even horrible scenarios to explain him not texting you back?
‘What if he changed his mind and doesn’t like me?’
‘Did he already meet some other girl?’
‘Was he actually a player?’
‘What if he got hit by a car??’
If so, I recommend putting your phone aside for a moment. Take a deep couple of breaths and relax…
Chances of anything dramatic having happened are statistically slim, and everything is going to be OKAY.
2. Definitely Don’t Spam Him
You might be tempted to grab your phone and repeatedly text or call him, or like his posts on social media to finally invoke a response from him.
If this is you, definitely DO NOT do it.
Remaining calm is vital in a moment like this, because if you go off the rails now, you might just scare him off for good.
Don’t ruin your chances.
3. Do Not Text Him Again Right Away
In addition, you certainly don’t want to text him hours (let alone minutes) after your prior text.
Now is the time to play the waiting game…
And waiting means 2–3 days before you text him again. Yes, 2 whole days at least!
Because you need to SHOW him that you’re not desperate. Nothing will scare a man off faster than desperation.
4. Shift Your Focus To Something Unrelated
We’ve talked about what not to do so far. Now the first thing you should do when he isn’t texting you back is to shift your focus to something engaging that is ENTIRELY unrelated to him.
This will help you get through those couple of days.
It can be work, hobbies, friends, family, etc. Dedicate your full attention to people or an activity that captivates you.
With that out of the way, let’s finally talk about…
How To Make Him Miss You
In order to get him to chase you, there are essential Do’s you’ll want to implement and definite Don’ts to keep a close eye on.
The combination of the do’s and don’ts is what really leads to a successful result of him missing you.
8 Essential Do’s To Get Him To Miss You
Let’s start with the things you should definitely be doing. Don’t overwhelm yourself with trying to do ALL of these. Rather, pick out a few that you feel you can do.
1. Do spend time apart
As the age-old adage goes, Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
So don’t be afraid to spend some time apart. Otherwise, how else will he discover that he misses you?
And to be clear, when I say ‘time apart’ I don’t mean a couple of hours. I mean days or even up to a week.
Let him realize you’re not indefinitely sticking around, so that he can feel a longing to see you and touch you again.
He’s wondering: “Where is she at?”
2. Do pursue your own passions
You know what makes spending time apart a WHOLE lot easier on you?
That’s right, pursuing your own passions.
I get that he might BE your passion, but if you want him to miss you, you’re gonna have to let him feel that he’s not the center of your universe.
Go on that trip you’ve talked about for years, take lessons for that instrument you’ve longed to learn, visit a studio where you can let loose with paints on a giant canvas.
Whatever your neglected passions are, breathe life into- and revive them!
He’s jealous: “Is she pursuing her passions more than she’s chasing me?”
3. Do Spend time with friends
When we’re crushing hard on someone, or are desperately in love, we can forget to spend time with the friends in our lives whose company we so thoroughly enjoyed before that special someone came along.
So, if this is you, then consider taking time to meet up and catch up. Even if it’s that friend who’s moved across the pond or the penpal from way back when who sometimes crosses your mind.
Moving other people into your focus will help nurture old connections and you’ll feel less alone. And in turn, it will help HIM notice that you’re around less and slowly make him miss you.
He’s surprised: “Since when does she prioritize her friends over me?”
4. Do something truly thoughtful for him…
Assuming you know each other long enough (about 4+ months), you can surprise him with a thoughtful gesture or gift.
What’s paramount here, is that it’s truly for him and not for an effect. Spend time to figure out what he’d truly appreciate and would hit home.
Ideally, it’s something that does not require you to actually meet in person.
This way he doesn’t think that you’re just trying to reel him in, but are genuinely wanting to make him happy. No strings attached.
He’s moved, but suspicious: “What’s she planning…?”
5. …And don’t follow up
In today’s day and age of technology, the chances are slim that he didn’t receive or catch wind of your gesture/gift. So assume that he’s gotten it and is mulling over what it means, maybe he’s even suspicious.
This is why NOT following up can be even more powerful. Because you’re letting him know that you’re not doing it to invoke a reaction from him.
You’re doing it because you care about him. This will make him miss you like CRAZY.
He’s touched: “That was… incredibly thoughtful of her.”
6. Do continue demonstrating your value
If he happens to be the one initiating and reaching out to you, think of these moments as opportunities to remind him of what he values so much about you and ISN’T currently getting.
The qualities you bring to the table are what initially attracted him to you, so refreshing his memory about said qualities will make him miss you and want more.
And you can absolutely tease him here! Be playful and give him a little something, but leave him wanting more.
He’s fighting feelings: “I’m starting to miss her…”
7. Do Post yourself on social media
Another means of getting him to miss you is to show off yourself and your life on social media.
Combining this with what we’ve discussed above, will REALLY get him to notice your absence and want you around again. This means, posting yourself pursuing your passions and meeting with your friends.
He’ll long to be a part of all the good and exciting things going on in your life and won’t want to miss out anymore.
He’s experiencing FOMO: “I wish I was there with her.”
8. Do seduce him
It’s a game as old as time and will never lose its relevance; seduction is the name and bedding is the game.
If you feel like he’s receptive, don’t hesitate to flirt and seduce him. Remind him of all the good stuff he’s missing out on.
Be merciless, torture him, let him feel the pain of not having you in his life.
It goes without saying that you should do all of this in your own style and in whichever way you feel comfortable with!
Whether that’s endless teasing, sexting, sending provocative pictures or anything else you can imagine. You make the rules.
He’s clawing walls: “I must have her NOW!”
5 Definite Don’ts To Get Him To Miss You
Now, with the don’ts you’ll want to try to avoid ALL of them. I know it’s easier said than done, especially when this guy is totally crush worthy -or even more. But do your best to avoid these to increase your chances of getting him to miss you.
1. Don’t chase him
Being chased can be endearing and flattering for the first few days, but then it mostly becomes very off-putting for guys.
As difficult as it may be for you, not chasing him plays a part in how to get him to miss you.
Because how is he supposed to notice your absence if he never gets the chance?
So chasing him is a no-no.
2. Don’t over-text or over-call
A common way of chasing is of course over-texting and over-calling.
This often leads to him being hesitant or taking his sweet time to answer you.
Which in turn can fuel your need to over-text or call, which will then make him even less responsive or even ghost you.
It becomes a vicious cycle. And if you want him to miss you, then over-texting and over-calling are unfortunately not on the menu.
3. Don’t try to convince him of feelings
If you’ve found yourself speaking his feelings for him, you might be falling into the trap of trying to convince him of how you’d LIKE him to feel.
Because he’ll make it so hard for you to get a read on him, that you will naturally want to try to fill in the blanks.
But the danger here is that his silence can lead to you speaking how you hope he feels, rather than how he ACTUALLY feels. Which in turn often leads to guys distancing themselves and definitely not missing you.
So avoiding this behavior is another important ‘don’t’, so that it doesn’t stand in the way of getting him to miss you.
4. Don’t persuade him to meet
I know it can be difficult to hold out when you really want to see him, especially if it’s been a while…
But if you’re intending on persuading him to meet you, know that this will certainly not help you reach your goal.
When a guy goes a day without talking to you, it’s easy to get at least a little unsettled. You might start worrying about things like:
Did he change his mind about me?
What is he up to?
Why doesn’t he miss me?
When is he going to reach out?
A man distancing himself this way might mean many things. In this blog post, I’ll help you understand what’s going on for him when he stops texting you or contacting you.
This way, you won’t have to second guess yourself and will be able to put your worries aside.
I’ll also give a few tips on what to do, to get him to reach out to you again. But before going into any pragmatics, let’s first discuss why men act this way.
What Does It Mean When He Goes A Day Without Texting You
There can be many reasons why a guy can go for a day or even longer without talking to you. Here are the most common four of them:
1. He Might Be Testing You
When a guy stops contacting you for a day, it might mean that he is simply checking if you’re going to be ok with it or not.
On one hand, he wants to feel free and do as he pleases, to not have to check in with you, every single day. (It’s typical for men to pull away this way. Especially in the early stages of a relationship.)
On the other hand, he might also want to see if you actually care when he disappears. Which brings me to my next point…
2. He Might Be Leaving Room for You to Make the Next Move
Some of our coaching clients had a guy chase them really hard. He would always initiate, arrange fancy dates, do everything he could to impress a girl, only to then go silent out of the blue!
When this happens (in this particular order: first chasing you followed by silence), then him not talking to you means he is giving you room to make the next move.
He might be tired of taking charge and putting himself out there. Maybe he worries that you don’t care about him as much as he cares about you. Or that you might think of him as desperate.
Yes, guys feel this way too!
When this is the case, then him not talking to you means that he is just waiting and seeing what you’ll do.
3. He Might Be Feeling Down
Another super common scenario is: a guy stops texting you when he is feeling down.
Perhaps he is stressed out with school or his job, he is depressed or might even be struggling with serious mental health issues.
He is not doing well, but doesn’t want you to see this side of him. He might be afraid of being judged or being perceived as unattractive.
So he goes silent in the hopes that you’ll leave him be and let him get out of this rut by himself.
This is a bit of an extension of the previous point. When a guy feels stressed or down, he might not have much emotional space for other people.
He might be too overwhelmed or depressed to send you cute texts or even to respond to your memes or messages.
Especially when he feels like you’re just the next person who is only needing things from him.
You’d be surprised, how common of a scenario this actually is!
Going silent is a lot of a guys’ first reaction to stress. And when a guy stops giving a girl his attention, women often panic and become overbearing or needy without realizing that this is what’s going on.
If the amount of space in your relationship makes you feel lonely, excessively anxious, or insecure, then it’s likely not healthy for you to let things continue going on this way.
There are three big things that him not talking to you for days might mean:
Maybe He’s Just Not That Into You
Someone who rarely makes an effort to see you or to talk to might just not care about you as much as you wish they did. It’s a sad truth to face, but consider that it will save you a lot of precious time and energy.
When a guy can go days without talking to you, it might mean that he’s just not very invested.
Guys That Drop Off the Map Generally Are Hiding Something
You’re not going to like this one either. But again, I’ve seen women get deceived this way time and time again.
The truth always comes out eventually, though, and it generally hurts more, the later it happens, so I’m telling you this now to save you some pain.
When a guy can go days without talking to you, it is a red flag. It might mean that he might be hiding things from you.
A common excuse ghosters use when they come back is either stress at work or mental health struggles.
“I was just feeling really depressed, that’s why I couldn’t pick up my phone and text you back for two weeks” or “Work was just so stressful.”
But what our coaching clients ended up discovering, in the end, was that there was more to their partner’s silence than just their excuses.
For example, sure he was depressed, but he also went on a bender. He’s been struggling with an alcohol addiction for years, and this was just one of his episodes.
Prolonged periods of silence (longer than a week) are suspicious. So it’s important to take this into consideration.
He Might Also Be Too Emotionally Unavailable for Any Serious Commitment
The last big reason why a man might go days without talking to you have to do with his emotional availability. There are guys out there who consider themselves lone wolves and want it to stay this way.
Maybe they come out of their shell for a few days, a week or a month, only to withdraw again. They’re used to their loneliness and consider it to be freedom.
You don’t need to keep on chasing after someone who is unavailable.
You’ll be significantly better off finding a guy that is actually seeking to connect and build a happy relationship.
What To Do When He Is Not Talking To You?
First thing you want to do when a guy is not talking is to stop seeking fault with yourself. His silence has much more to do with him than it does with you.
So don’t go panicking, it will only make things worse.
Keep in mind, if he cares, he will reach out.
You can also try to indirectly get his attention by posting something sexy or something you know that he will like.
Take your time evaluating which reasons fit your case best and develop your strategy accordingly.
And if you need more help getting your partner to make more effort, we can support you with this in a coaching call.
Here, we’ll listen and help you figure out what’s really going on with him. We’ll then give you actionable tips on what to say, do, post or text him to capture his interest and get him to chase you more.
You’re spending time together and there’s clearly something going on between you two. But neither of you is openly stating anything…
So it’s understandably confusing and maybe even a little frustrating to not be clear on what your status is. After all, you can’t just endlessly be stuck in limbo, having to read between the lines and draw conclusions.
At some point you want to KNOW whether they feel the same way you do and if you’re dating or not!
This is where the signs you are unofficially dating will finally give you answers.
They will give you clarity on where you’re at with your love interest and help alleviate some of that uncertainty or anxiety you might be feeling.
Let’s start by defining:
What Does It Mean To Be Unofficially Dating?
To be unofficially dating means you are dating, but neither of you explicitly asked the other out on any date.
But the fact that you are CLEARLY more than friends remains unspoken.
So you will spend quality time together, enjoy a special mutual connection, without anyone officially acknowledging that you are obviously dating.
Unofficial dating usually lasts a few weeks before a conclusion is finally reached when someone makes a move.
But in some instances it can drag out for months!
It can take especially long if one or BOTH parties are terrified that the other may not reciprocate those feelings.
You’ll also notice that below every text, I’ve highlighted the strategy [in brackets] that we’re applying with the text in question.
Enough talk, let’s crush this, cupid!
1.You’re the only man in the world, who truly understands what a woman needs…
[Strategy: Appeal To Ego]
Let us start with the time honored-tradition of appealing to a man’s ego to get your way. That is, to get into his good graces so that he chases you.
Yes, it is true. Us, men, deeply enjoy and find it hard to resist hearing endless praise about our splendor.
So use this weakness and tell him that ONLY HE truly understands a woman’s qualms and needs.
Let him feel special and like no other man. This will make him think fondly of you, because you’re seeing him and his value. Additionally, it’ll make him want to show you just how ‘great’ he is, all over again.
Which leads to flirty texts, which leads to chasing, which leads to meeting, and so on…
2. I’ve got some irritating guys hitting on me, what should I do?
[Strategy: Damsel In Distress]
Do you require saving? Probably not.
But do you want to let him think you require saving? Hell YES!
Men love to feel needed and “save” you! I recommend shamelessly using that to your advantage to get him to chase you. And, if you’re not dating yet, to finally ask you out!
By telling him you have unwanted attention from some strange men, you’ll invoke his urge to give you unsolicited advice. Or better yet, he’ll want to come chase them away for you.
3. I don’t believe in a job half-done. Don’t you think we should finish what we started the other day…?
[Strategy: Shameless Flirty Enticement]
Whatever it was you started but did not finish, it can’t be left to stand as such.
Whether it was a conversation, a kiss, or more. You let him know that it’s not like you to have unfinished business.
After all, it’s hardly polite.
So send him this flirty ambiguous text and when he bites, drive him crazy by telling him if he wants to know what the nature of the unfinished business is, he’ll have to come chase you to FIND OUT…!
4. I’m a terrible kisser, I wish *someone* would teach me…
[Strategy: Drive Him Wild]
Is it true? Unlikely. But the truth won’t matter to him.
What matters is that this hot flirt will have him chasing you across the country to give you an all-important private lesson.
And if you’re really ‘bad’ at it, it might require him to chase you for longer to remedy the situation.
Any man worth his salt will not idly stand by when a woman is in dire need of… uhm, -well, help, of course!
You can of course substitute ‘clubbing’ with any other social event, at which you would have ample opportunity to bump into other attractive candidates, who he should be worried about.
Text, whatever helps him feel jealous enough to chase you.
“But that’s manipulative” you might say. Not when he’s enjoying it, it’s not.
6. If I gave you free rein with me for one night, what would you do…?
[Strategy: Test His Resolve]
I’m sure he’ll barely be able to keep himself together after you send him this text!
It’ll start an endless string of fantasies in his mind about all the things he’d like to do to you (with your consent, of course) and he won’t even know where to start.
Don’t be surprised if he sends you endless typos due to his fingers shaking with excitement and what not. Or he might take a moment to calm down and formulate a response, so don’t panic if he doesn’t respond right away.
But let’s hope he can control himself and answer in a tempered manner. That’s at least until he’s earned his keep, and you’ll allow him ‘free rein’.
7. There’s a secret I need to tell you, but it’ll have to wait until we see each other
[Strategy: Send Him Spiraling]
He will chase you like crazy:
“Tell me now!”
“I can’t wait so long!”
If you’re feeling generous, this would be a good time to add “It’s something good! It’s just better said in person!” to release the poor man from his misery.
We always believed that relationships should be FUN and uplifting! And we were obsessed with finding real-world practical solutions for our relationship problems. Today we help others do the same with our blog.