Do you feel like you keep on falling for the wrong guy? That the men you’ve dated ended up disappointing you over and over again.
Are you afraid that you are never going to find “the one” and will end up living all by yourself, adopting countless cats and being doomed to loneliness?
I used to be afraid of that a lot.
All my friends were moving in together or getting engaged to their boyfriends, while I couldn’t get any of my relationships to last.
I kept on facing the same roadblocks over and over again and repeating the same mistakes without realizing it.
But I finally managed to turn the tide.
I realized that finding the right man has little to do with looks or luck.
You have to have the right mindset to even be open to finding the right guy.
In this article, I will outline the three big principles that helped me find the love of my life.
1. There Is No Such Thing as Being Doomed to Loneliness
I used to feel like ending up all alone was just “my fate”.
Quite a few of my friends told me that they struggled with the same fear too.
When a relationship doesn’t work out the way you wanted, it’s common to start feeling like it was your fault.
You might start believing that you’re somehow defective and that’s why you can’t get any guy to truly fall in love with you.
This is a very common worry a lot of women have, and also a COMPLETE BS!
Everybody makes some bad decisions every now and then.
It’s just a part of being human.
There is no such thing as “being doomed to loneliness”.
2. Identify The Bad Things About The Men From Your Past You Were Blind To
Everybody has a certain type that they often end up falling for.
A lot of women have a thing for “the bad boys”.
But it’s important to keep in mind that nobody ever CHOOSES to get heartbroken.
The only reason we get deceived or stuck in unhappy relationships is that we’re blind to certain things.
For example, I used to be completely blind to some men being utterly self-centered.
You know the type of guy that could go on talking about himself for hours on end without letting me get a word in, yes, that used to be my type. 😅
You can imagine that none of those relationships ever worked out for me…
The thing was I used to be COMPLETELY BLIND to people not caring about what I had to say.
I thought that they were just “very talkative” or something.
It took me realizing that their “talkativeness” was just them being utterly disinterested in me for me to never fall for this type of guy ever again.
Think back about your past relationships. Were there things that really surprised or shocked you about some of the guys you dated?
Was there something about them that you were initially completely blind to, that ended up being a total deal-breaker?
Identifying your own blind spots is key in NOT making the same mistakes in the future.
Ensuring that you are aware of these particular issues will prevent you from being deceived the same way again.
3. In Order To Find True Love, You Have To Know What You’re Looking For
A lot of people believe that true love is all about finding “the one” and that “if it’s meant to be” things will just magically fall into place.
I used to believe that myself.
In reality, things really don’t work that way.
You can’t count on destiny or some other higher power to sort things out for you. This kind of attitude will most likely just get you nowhere.
If you want to find true love, you’re going to have to go and search for it yourself.
YOU have to figure out what kind of relationship YOU are YOU looking for.
What does true love mean to you?
Are you a Cinderella, maybe you prefer Belle from Beauty And The Beast? Or are you more of a kickass Wonder Women type?
Are you looking for someone who will pamper and adore you, or maybe you seek to soften the heart of an angry beast? 😉
Be honest with yourself. Know your own preferences.
Figuring out what true love means to you personally, will make the search for it so much easier!
Conclusion
Everybody makes mistakes in their love life…
It happens to everyone. Sometimes it’s just bad luck.
Just because things aren’t working out the way you want them to, it doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with you.
Identifying your own blind spots when it comes to certain types of men, will help you protect yourself in the future.
Taking charge of your love life and figuring out what exactly you’re looking for in a man will guide you and make the search for your own real love much easier.
If you have any questions about finding the right guy or if you’d like to vent about your horrible experiences, do so in the comments below and I’ll get back to you!
Karolina
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I wanted to soften a beasts heart, but unlike Belle it back fired. Imagine being kept at arm’s length and never being exactly good enough for the guy. I always felt like he stayed the beast even though I had prayed and worked for helping him become the prince.
What point do you keep trying or decide to let go?
Or how did you decide to change what type of guy you went after?
It’s a tough spot that you’re currently in… Sounds like you’ve invested a lot into this guy and the relationship with him, but he still doesn’t value or appreciate you enough. I think the only reason for you to keep trying would be if you felt like something was changing for the better. However, it doesn’t sound like this is the case here. I know how hard it can be to let go of a situation like this, but you deserve to be with someone who is willing to and able to really care about you.
As to the second question: sometime in my mid-twenties, I realized that I was actually scared of long-term love and commitment. Because of that, I would repeatedly go after guys with whom none of those things were ever possible. Once I realized and accepted my own fears, I could slowly start working on putting them into question. This allowed me to break out of the old patterns and start going after a different type of guy.