Knowing how to recognize that a guy just isn’t into you is often harder than it might seem!
There is just something so addictive about fantasizing and chasing after a guy who acts unavailable and hard to get…
I’ve had crushes on guys, who just weren’t really interested in me.
Some of those guys even made the first move, asked for my phone number, arranged for dates, etc.
But something just FELT OFF for me from the beginning.
When a guy you like doesn’t like you back it feels like rejection.
And being rejected is always painful.
That’s why it’s important to catch it as early as possible. BEFORE you get too emotionally involved in the relationship.
Here are some clear signs that the guy you’re dating doesn’t really care about you or isn’t into you.
1. It Takes Ages for Him to Reply to Your Texts
Texting is how we do the majority of our communication nowadays.
That’s how we all talk, flirt, make plans, etc.
If a guy you like takes hours or even days to reply to your texts…
It’s a clear sign that he isn’t really into you but is just too big of a chicken to be upfront about it. 🐥
If he takes this to the extreme, you also might want to consider the possibility that he’s simply a player.
2. You’re Always the One Initiating to See Him
If you find yourself being the one who texts, calls and takes charge to make things happen, then you should know that…
When a guy never makes an effort to arrange to see you it unfortunately means he doesn’t really care to spend time with you.
I know it might be tough to face this, but the truth is, YOU DESERVE BETTER!
When a guy never makes an effort it means he doesn’t care to spend time with you.
Don’t waste your time on someone who won’t even lift a finger for you (literally) and is giving you another sign that he’s just not that into you.
Time to move on girl.
3. He Never Asks You Any Personal Questions
If the man you’re dating is doing ALL THE TALKING.
And never asks you anything, it means he doesn’t really care to get to know you.
When a guy is truly interested, he will make an effort to learn more about you by asking you questions.
And by questions, I don’t mean superficials like:
“How was your day?” or “Nice weather, isn’t it?”
He needs to ask you more PERSONAL questions, like these.
So in general, next time you’re talking or texting watch out for this sign. You’ll then know how to tell if a guy isn’t into you.
4. He’s Never Tries to Impress You
Dating is all about both sides showcasing their BEST side.
If the guy you’re with never tries to impress you.
Say be demonstrating a skill, flashing a new toy or taking you out to fancy places…
Then it’s a clear sign he doesn’t care about winning you over. And likely isn’t into you.
5. He Often Comes Late or Cancels Last Minute
I hate it when a guy does that!
It’s a clear sign that he has no respect for my time whatsoever.
Emergencies happen.
I get that. But they rarely happen twice in a row…
When a guy repeatedly comes late or cancels his plans with you last minute, then it’s a sign he isn’t into you.
These types of men are usually also the ones that are likely to ghost you for no fault of your own.
So better steer clear of him.
You are not a priority to him, he is most likely just STRINGING YOU ALONG.
When a man doesn’t respect something as basic as your time, take it as a definite sign that he is not into you.
6. He Is Distant and Secretive
It’s normal to be a bit distant from each other when you’ve just started dating.
It takes time to really open up and build trust in a new relationship.
But if you feel like your relationship isn’t progressing and he just isn’t letting you in AT ALL.
It’s a sign that he just isn’t open for any serious commitment and will most likely never let you in.
7. He Keeps You a Secret From His Friends
Being introduced to each other’s friends and family is an important step for any new relationship.
It’s normal that it might take weeks or even a few months for a person to feel ready for it.
Especially when it comes to family, they can be very critical sometimes…
When it comes to friends though, it’s usually much less of a problem.
So if a guy you’ve been seeing keeps finding excuses to not introduce you to any of his friends…
It’s a sign he doesn’t really want you to become a part of his life and probably isn’t into you.
8. Dates With Him Are Boring
There are honestly so many ways to make a first date lip-smacking good!
But I’ve been on SO MANY boring dates in my life, it’s crazy.
Usually, I blamed myself for it and tried to make an effort to make things less awkward and more interesting.
But the truth is, it’s not your fault when a date is boring.
It’s often just a sign that the chemistry is simply NOT there between you two. And that it’s just another one of those hilariously silly dates you inevitably have with men.
And that’s okay.
There are plenty of fish in the sea.
But you’re better off, taking this is as yet another sign of him not being into you.
9. He Says He Wants to “Keep Things Casual”
Deciding to become exclusive with each other is a big deal, and it doesn’t always happen right away.
Gabriel and I only became ‘officially exclusive’ about one and a half months after we started dating.
It’s not that we were seeing other people at the time, we were just both wary of commitment and we wanted to take things slow.
(Yes, I’m a girl and I used to be afraid of commitment, cases like me exist! 😆)
But if you’ve been going out with someone for MONTHS and he repeatedly says that he wants to:
“Keep things casual.”
DO BELIEVE HIM.
He clearly isn’t really in love with you and wants to keep looking.
Yup, you guessed it, it’s one of the unfortunate signs he is not interested in you…
10. He Makes up a Pet Name for You Right Away
This is more of a sign that a guy is into you physically….
BUT he is NOT SERIOUS about you.
It’s a phenomenon I’ve actually repeatedly observed while hanging out with some SERIAL PLAYERS.
(I used to sail a lot in my twenties and met some really deceitful guys those circles…)
When a guy gives you a cute pet name, like sweety, honey, etc right after the FIRST DATE.
It’s NOT a sign of endearment.
He is just in it to get LAID and can’t even be BOTHERED trying to remember your name.
Outrageous, I know…
I once happened to sail on the boat with a guy who slept with THREE different girls in ONE week!
He called each one of them “My Kit Kat”…
So take it as a clear sign that a guy ISN’T into you…
11. You Feel That He Doesn’t Really Care About You
When it comes to matters of heart, our intuition is often our best compass.
Even if a guy says and does ALL THE RIGHT THINGS, but something still FEELS OFF for you, trust your gut on this one.
Maybe you’re just a trophy to him…
(Yes, guys can be gold diggers too!)
A man who is with you for your looks or money only, won’t stay true to you in the long run.
You deserve to be with someone who truly cares about YOU.
12. He’s Hot Then He’s Cold, He’s ‘Yes’ Then He’s ‘No’
Yes, exactly like that Katy Perry song.
He’ll act the same way. One moment everything is dandy and he’s game.
Next, he’s gotta rain check because “Something important came up.”
If this is a repeated pattern he keeps pulling on you, then don’t fall for it.
It’s one of the signs he’s not into you.
13. He Doesn’t Do Nice Things for You
When a guy is interested, he’ll do things to let you know!
There are ENDLESS ways in which a man can tell a woman he likes her.
Even the men that, were on the shy side, made small gestures to convey their interest in me.
So he’s definitely not into you if he’s just turning up for when it’s easy, but doesn’t do anything nice for you.
14. He’s All About Sleeping With You
The one thing he will turn up for is getting into bed with you.
I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve experienced guys try to jump straight to the chase with absolute minimal effort.
Their attempts, I can forgive, but it’s the utter lack of style or charm that left me rolling my eyes.
This can be one of the clear signs he is not interested in you, but just wants to get it on instead.
If he’s not making any effort, but just wants to sleep with you, it’s time to move on, girl.
Conclusion
Here are all the signs he’s not interested summarized to give you an overview:
- It Takes Ages for Him to Reply to Your Texts
- You’re Always the One Initiating to See Him
- He Never Asks You Any Personal Questions
- He’s Never Tries to Impress You
- He Often Comes Late or Cancels Last Minute
- He Is Distant and Secretive
- He Keeps You a Secret From His Friends
- Dates With Him Are Boring
- He Says He Wants to “Keep Things Casual”
- He Makes up a Pet Name for You Right Away
- You Feel That He Doesn’t Really Care About You
- He’s Hot Then He’s Cold, He’s ‘Yes’ Then He’s ‘No’
- He Doesn’t Do Nice Things for You
- He’s All About Sleeping With You
I hope you are now feeling clearer on how to tell when a guy just isn’t into you.
Realizing that your crush doesn’t really care about you is always tough but it will protect you from future heartbreak!
And if you find yourself falling for guys that are either not into you, give you mixed messages or require you to make all the effort which leave you feeling drained and unfulfilled, we can help you out with this in a coaching call.
Here we’ll explain to you the specific things you need to do, to turn the guys from not taking you seriously, to seriously crushing on you.
And you’ll also learn how to safeguard yourself from future disappointment by detecting the signs early and knowing how to spot suitable and worthy candidates instead.
Finding “Mr. Right” isn’t easy. To be able to do, you might need to shift your perspective a bit. If you want to learn more about this, be sure to read my other post: How to Finally Find the Right Guy.
If you have any questions, leave them in the comments section and I’ll get back to you.
Karolina
- 15 Surprising Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back - 22. September, 2022
- 17 Subtle Signs He Is Slowly Falling For You - 18. September, 2022
- When Someone You Love Hurts You Deeply – How to Get Through It - 6. September, 2022
Hy.
Have been in a relationship with my current boyfriend for the past 3months but I discovered he hardly ask me over to his house am always the one initiating the conversation of coming over to his hux n we stay in the same town. And it makes me wonder if actually the guy is into me like I am into him. Pls I need your advice
Hi there,
It sucks to be the one who always has to initiate everything. Makes sense it makes you wonder, whether or not he cares about you as much as you care about him.
What you can do to find out where he is really at is: first tell him that you need him to invite you over and initiate more. Then leave him to it and lessen your efforts to match his.
If he cares about making it work, he will step up his game. If he doesn’t, then you’ll know for sure that that’s where he is really at.
Thanks for the quick response I’ll gv it a trial. Really appreciate
You’re very welcome. Hope it works out between you guys!
I have an interesting dilemma.
I’ve been conversing with a guy for over a month. I met him at my job many months prior and would see him occasionally. During this time, we would have great conversations, laughs, and chemistry. Everyone could see it and plenty of women were jealous of our repertoire.
We started out very comfortable, very comedic, and was having lots of fun just talking. He would invite me over, to which I would refuse because I was in a relationship.
Over time, he became increasingly distant, abiding by 8 of the reasons he may not be into me.
My relationship recently ended and now the guy has become even more distant which would be fine if he actually left me alone.
He texts me first thing in the morning but I won’t hear from him throughout most the day and he’ll text me right before bedtime.
If he doesn’t hear from me, I’ll receive messages like “no more talking?”
I’ve expressed to him how this makes me feel and nothing has changed.
I’m very confused. I’m very frustrated. And I don’t know what he wants from me despite asking several times.
What the hell is happening here?!
Hey there,
although it’s nice that you initially got a long, based on his behavior that you’ve described, he does not sound serious.
If he was genuinely interested and also knows that your relationship has recently ended, he could have made a move or shown his support for you in some way. But what he’s doing here is simply playing games that are understandably confusing and frustrating to you!
You’ve called him out and he’s not being straight with you and he suggests that you’re the one not wanting to talk…
If he means something to you, you can give it another shot and ask to meet, see what’s what. And if you’ve had enough, block him and move on, no point in wasting your time and energy on someone who won’t take a stand and is playing silly games.
Thank you so much for the advice! I did what you said and asked him to meet. He didn’t respond to my message and I never heard from him for the rest of the evening. Sure enough, I got a “Good afternoon” text message the following day. I didn’t respond and haven’t heard anything since and I’m fine with that. The mind games were exhausting and begging him for answers was starting to make me look desperate lol.
Unfortunately, I’ll still be seeing him at my job. I’m not sure how to respond or what to make of him anymore. Any suggestions for awkward run ins?! This is all new to me.
Well done on following through and not playing his games anymore.
As for the job, it depends on how you feel about him. If it’s just awkward, that’s okay, in fact it’s a great way of keeping him away if that’s what you want. Let the awkwardness really intensify, he’ll quickly find his way out then 😉
If you have to interact, be professional but curt. You’re not obliged to entertain him if you don’t want to.
He’s chosen to ignore you whenever it suits him, it’s perfectly okay for you to return the gesture, no need for courtesies or politeness.
You’ve got this!
Hi! I sent him guys an email nearly a couple of weeks ago. I know you said to give you a couple of days to respond and so far, I’ve known y’all to respond literally within hours so I’m not entirely sure you received it. Just wondering if I need to resend it. Lord I hope not. It was a long one lol.
Hey there, sorry your email got lost in spam! We’ve sent you an email now though.
How do you get the guy to admit he’s not into you like that?
Hi Bria,
Good question! You’ll likely find it hard to get a straight answer from guys about whether they’re into you or not in general. One way to go about it -if you’re feeling bold- is to straight up ask him something along the lines of “Are you interested in me romantically?”
Putting him on the spot and demanding a clear answer will make most guys fold and tell you how they feel.
I hope you get the answer you want!
Nice Post! 8 out of the 11 signs are true for me. I thought we had a future and he did a lot of sweet things for me in the beginning. Then he got offended by something very small I did ( honestly he made me feel so guilty over nothing) and then randomly went on to treat me in a not so great way. We broke up but it was very confusing and a lot of gaslighting took place which made me feel lost towards the end.
Thanks! You really dodged a bullet with this guy. He sounds pretty toxic. Sorry you had to go through something like that, must have been tough…
I am currently being breadcrumbed by the guy who pursued me … he is always hours late, makes empty promises etc. He ghosts me 4 hours and hours even after asking how I am in texts. If I do things like that to him , he gets angry. If I try to suggest we take a break, he gets ugly but he ca’t even say ” good night ” or ” good morning” by text or ” I love you” ever. Only in person if sex is involved. I asked someone today if breaking up around Valentines Day is rude, they said ” not breaking up with someone because it is Valentines Day is rude”. I like that.
He sounds super unreliable and controlling. I agree with the person you spoke to, not breaking up with someone because it is Valentines Day is rude. First and foremost, it’s rude to yourself… 😉
I’ve got a situation that’s a bit different. Would love to hear your opinion though… could i email you?
Sure! Email me at: contact@simplytogether.co
Nice post
Thanks!