Knowing how to recognize that a guy just isn’t into you is often harder than it might seem!
There is just something so addictive about fantasizing and chasing after a guy who acts unavailable and hard to get…
I’ve had crushes on guys, who just weren’t really interested in me.
Some of those guys even made the first move, asked for my phone number, arranged for dates, etc.
But something just FELT OFF for me from the beginning.
When a guy you like doesn’t like you back it feels like rejection.
And being rejected is always painful.
That’s why it’s important to catch it as early as possible. BEFORE you get too emotionally involved in the relationship.
Here are some clear signs that the guy you’re dating doesn’t really care about you or isn’t into you.
1. It Takes Ages for Him to Reply to Your Texts
Texting is how we do the majority of our communication nowadays.
That’s how we all talk, flirt, make plans, etc.
If a guy you like takes hours or even days to reply to your texts…
It’s a clear sign that he isn’t really into you, but is just too big of a chicken to be upfront about it. 🐥
If he takes this to the extreme, you also might want to consider the possibility that he’s simply a player.
2. You’re Always the One Initiating to See Him
If you find yourself being the one who texts, calls and takes charge to make things happen, then you should know that…
When a guy never makes an effort to arrange to see you, it unfortunately means he doesn’t really care to spend time with you.
I know it might be tough to face this, but the truth is, YOU DESERVE BETTER!
When a guy never makes an effort, it means he doesn’t care to spend time with you.
Don’t waste your time on someone who won’t even lift a finger for you (literally) and is giving you another sign that he’s just not that into you.
Time to move on girl.
3. He Never Asks You Any Personal Questions
If the man you’re dating is doing ALL THE TALKING.
And never asks you anything, it means he doesn’t really care to get to know you.
When a guy is truly interested, he will make an effort to learn more about you by asking you questions.
And by questions, I don’t mean superficials like:
“How was your day?” or “Nice weather, isn’t it?”
He needs to ask you more PERSONAL questions, like these.
So in general, next time you’re talking or texting, watch out for this sign. You’ll then know how to tell if a guy isn’t into you.
4. He’s Never Tries to Impress You
Dating is all about both sides showcasing their BEST side.
If the guy you’re with never tries to impress you.
Say be demonstrating a skill, flashing a new toy or taking you out to fancy places… Or even just dressing up for a date, offering to pay the bill, drive you home etc.
When a man isn’t interested in proving himself to you in some shape or form, it’s a clear sign he doesn’t care about winning you over. And likely isn’t into you.
5. He Often Comes Late or Cancels Last Minute
I hate it when a guy does that!
It’s a clear sign that he has no respect for my time whatsoever.
Emergencies happen.
I get that. But they rarely happen twice in a row…
When a guy repeatedly comes late or cancels his plans with you last minute, then it’s a sign he isn’t just interested.
These types of men are usually also the ones that are likely to ghost you for no fault of your own.
So better steer clear of him.
You are not a priority to him, he is most likely just STRINGING YOU ALONG.
When a man doesn’t respect something as basic as your time, take it as a definite sign that he is not into you.
6. He Is Distant and Secretive
It’s normal to be a bit distant from each other when you’ve just started dating.
It takes time to really open up and build trust in a new relationship.
But if you feel like your relationship isn’t progressing and, he just isn’t letting you in AT ALL. He doesn’t share anything personal about himself, is always guarded, and you can’t this to change, no matter how hard you try.
It’s a sign that he just isn’t interested in any serious commitment and will most likely never let you in.
Maybe he does like you a little bit, but is just too emotionally unavailable for it to ever become more. He likely isn’t into you enough and is just wasting your time!
7. He Keeps You a Secret From His Friends
Being introduced to each other’s friends and family is an important step for any new relationship.
It’s normal that it might take weeks or even a few months for a person to feel ready for it.
Especially when it comes to family, they can be very critical sometimes…
When it comes to friends, though, it’s usually much less of a problem.
So if a guy you’ve been seeing keeps finding excuses to not introduce you to any of his friends…
It’s a sign he doesn’t really want you to become a part of his life and probably isn’t really into you.
He is not serious and isn’t interested in talking things further.
8. Dates With Him Are Boring
There are honestly so many ways to make a first date lip-smacking good!
But I’ve been on SO MANY boring dates in my life, it’s crazy.
Usually, I blamed myself for it and tried to make an effort to make things less awkward and more interesting.
But the truth is, it’s not your fault when a date is boring.
It’s often just a sign that the chemistry is simply NOT there between you two. And that it’s just another one of those hilariously silly dates you inevitably have with men.
And that’s okay.
There are plenty of fish in the sea.
But you’re better off, taking this is as yet another sign of him not being into you.
9. He Says He Wants to “Keep Things Casual”
Deciding to become exclusive with each other is a big deal, and it doesn’t always happen right away.
Gabriel and I only became ‘officially exclusive’ about one and a half months after we started dating.
It’s not that we were seeing other people at the time, we were just both wary of commitment, and we wanted to take things slow.
(Yes, I’m a girl and I used to be afraid of commitment, cases like me exist! 😆)
But if you’ve been going out with someone for MONTHS, and he repeatedly says that he wants to:
“Keep things casual.”
DO BELIEVE HIM.
He clearly isn’t really in love with you and wants to keep looking.
Yup, you guessed it, it’s one of the unfortunate signs he is not interested in you… Because if he was, he wouldn’t want anyone else to have you.
10. He Makes up a Pet Name for You Right Away
This is more of a sign that a guy is into you physically….
BUT he is NOT SERIOUS about you.
It’s a phenomenon I’ve actually repeatedly observed while hanging out with some SERIAL PLAYERS.
(I used to sail a lot in my twenties and met some really deceitful guys in those circles…)
When a guy gives you a cute pet name, like sweetie, honey, etc. right after the FIRST DATE.
It’s NOT a sign of endearment.
He is just in it to get LAID and can’t even be BOTHERED trying to remember your name.
Outrageous, I know…
I once happened to sail on the boat with a guy who slept with THREE different girls in ONE week!
He called each one of them “My Kit Kat”…
So take it as a clear sign that a guy ISN’T into you…
11. You Feel That He Doesn’t Really Care About You
When it comes to matters of heart, our intuition is often our best compass.
Even if a guy says and does ALL THE RIGHT THINGS, but something still FEELS OFF for you, trust your gut on this one.
Maybe you’re just a trophy to him…
(Yes, guys can be gold diggers too!)
A man who is with you for your looks or money only, won’t stay true to you in the long run.
He will only stay around for as long as you keep on letting him use you without needing things in return.
You deserve to be with someone who truly cares about YOU. Someone who will be interested in putting in as much as he takes in the relationship.
A guy who is using you, isn’t into you, he is only into the things that you can provide.
12. He’s Hot Then He’s Cold, He’s ‘Yes’ Then He’s ‘No’
Yes, exactly like that Katy Perry song.
He’ll act the same way. One moment everything is dandy and he’s game.
Next, he’s gotta rain check because “Something important came up.”
If this is a repeated pattern he keeps pulling on you, then don’t fall for it.
It’s one of the signs he’s not into you.
Clearly there are more important things, or even people, that will keep on coming before you. A guy who continues to be hot and cold is not serious and will never make you his priority.
13. He Doesn’t Do Nice Things for You
When a guy is interested, he’ll do things to let you know!
There are ENDLESS ways in which a man can tell a woman he likes her.
Even the men that, were on the shy side, made small gestures to convey their interest in me. Things as little as remembering your favorite drink and offering to order it for you can totally be enough. Or noticing that you’re cold and offering you his hoodie.
A guy who never does anything for you, isn’t interested in taking care of you.
He’s definitely not into you if he’s just turning up for when it’s easy.
14. He’s All About Sleeping With You
The one thing he will turn up for is getting into bed with you.
I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve experienced guys try to jump straight to the chase with absolute minimal effort.
Their attempts, I can forgive, but it’s the utter lack of style or charm that left me rolling my eyes.
This can be one of the clear signs he is not interested in you, but just wants to get it on instead.
If he’s not making any effort, but just wants to sleep with you, it’s time to move on, girl.
Conclusion
Here are all the signs he’s not interested summarized to give you an overview:
- It Takes Ages for Him to Reply to Your Texts
- You’re Always the One Initiating to See Him
- He Never Asks You Any Personal Questions
- He’s Never Tries to Impress You
- He Often Comes Late or Cancels Last Minute
- He Is Distant and Secretive
- He Keeps You a Secret From His Friends
- Dates With Him Are Boring
- He Says He Wants to “Keep Things Casual”
- He Makes up a Pet Name for You Right Away
- You Feel That He Doesn’t Really Care About You
- He’s Hot Then He’s Cold, He’s ‘Yes’ Then He’s ‘No’
- He Doesn’t Do Nice Things for You
- He’s All About Sleeping With You
I hope you are now feeling clearer on how to tell when a guy just isn’t into you.
Realizing that your crush doesn’t really care about you is always tough but it will protect you from future heartbreak!
But Why Isn’t He Into You
It’s all well and good to read about the signs, but truly facing that a guy you like isn’t into you is often easier said and done. Maybe you’re wondering, but why isn’t he into me? Is there something wrong with me?
No, absolutely not!
The reasons why a guy might be interested in you or not will have much more to do with him than they do with you.
Maybe You’re Just Not His Type
Some man can be very picky and look out for a very specific type of girl.
For example, they might only be open to dating someone who is much shorter than them, who is sporty, someone who is not sporty, someone who is shy, someone who is outspoken and loud, you get the idea…
There are so many factors and guys can be so particular! And everybody has a type, whether they want to admit it or not.
You might simply not fit the profile of whom a guy is currently looking for.
He Might Not Be Ready for Anything Serious
Judging by stories from our coaching clients, it seems like roughly 50% of people on the dating apps are not seriously interested in finding a partner. They’re on it to kill time, try to get over their ex, or for an ego boost.
They might even go on dates or start a relationship without actually being ready for this kind of commitment! That’s why they’ll be flaky, hot and cold or unresponsive and distant.
Again, this has little to do with you!
E.g. he can’t be into you, if he is still into his ex! Or if he is too emotionally unavailable to actually get invested!
This is just the reality of the world out there. Dating can be tough! The only way to protect yourself from disappointment is to recognize what you’re getting yourself into as soon as possible.
If you find yourself falling for guys that are either not into you, give you mixed messages or require you to make all the effort which leave you feeling drained and unfulfilled, we can help you out with this in a coaching call.
Here we’ll explain to you the specific things you need to do, to turn the guys from not taking you seriously, to seriously crushing on you.
And you’ll also learn how to safeguard yourself from future disappointment by detecting the signs early and knowing how to spot suitable and worthy candidates instead.
Finding “Mr. Right” isn’t easy. To be able to do, you might need to shift your perspective a bit. If you want to learn more about this, be sure to read my other post: How to Finally Find the Right Guy.
If you have any questions, leave them in the comments section and I’ll get back to you.
Karolina
- How to Get a Dismissive Avoidant to Stop Rejecting You - 5. July, 2025
- Why Avoidants Don’t Worry About Losing You – And How That’s a Huge Mistake - 12. June, 2025
- 3 Strategies for When an Avoidant Partner Pulls Away - 12. June, 2025
