Trust issues are a very common problem in new relationships. It’s hard to trust someone you barely know. On top of that, all the bad experiences from the past only complicate matters.
Gabriel and I used to struggle with trust issues a lot at the beginning of our relationship.
We really kept each other at arm’s length for a long time. It actually took us three years of dating before we decided to move in together.
Overcoming trust issues in a new relationship isn’t easy, it takes time and effort.
It is DOABLE though!
These are the strategies and conclusions that helped me overcome the trust issues in my relationship.
1. Don’t Blame Yourself For Having Trust Issues
I used to think I’m somehow defective because I had such a hard time opening up and trusting people.
But the truth is, nobody is born with trust issues.
Having difficulty with trust is not an inherent and inseparable part of you. Trust Issues are just a consequence of bad experiences from your past.
In other words, it’s not your fault you have this problem.
Trust issues are like an open wound. They will cause you some trouble, require care and special treatment. But they are not a part of you and they can be healed!
It’s important to realize this in order to even begin overcoming their negative effects.
2. Don’t Try To Hide Your Trust Issues From Your Partner
Admitting you’re struggling with trust issues at the beginning of a relationship can be very difficult.
When two people start dating, they generally try to only show their best side in order to impress each other. (Naturally)
Admitting to having trouble with trust is admitting to having a weakness. It’s vulnerable!
What if your partner thinks less of you because of it? What if they reject you?
That’s why you might feel tempted to temporarily override your feelings and pretend you don’t have a problem.
But if you’re planning on building a healthy, lasting relationship with this person, your partner needs to be willing to accept where you’re at.
If he or she rejects you because of your trust issues, or worse, tries to push you to do things you don’t feel ready for, well that’s a red major flag right there.
3. Repressing Trust Issues Tends To Make Them Worse
People with trust issues tend to second guess themselves a lot.
They have a hard time trusting their gut. They can never know whether their feelings are “justified” or “just an exaggeration”. I used to struggle with this a lot.
I couldn’t tell whether I was having a hard time trusting someone because of my trust issues or because of that person was utterly untrustworthy.
You see how that is really problematic for people in new relationships.
Repressing trust issues in this situation might make you miss some important warning signs.
It might cause you to dive in too deep and get burned again. Which in turn will only reinforce your suspicions.
That’s why it’s so important to make room for your trust issues and listen to your gut when you start dating someone new.
4. Make An Effort To Get To Know You Partner Better
Overcoming trust issues in a new relationship is not an easy feat. It’s going to take some time.
One thing that can really help you get over your difficulty with trusting your new partner is getting to know them better.
Being able to paint a full picture of your significant other in your head will help you know what you can expect of them.
Gaining a better understanding of where they’re headed and what their priorities are, will help you decide for yourself whether you can trust them or not.
You won’t have to rely on gut feeling or second-guess yourself.
5. Understand That Trust Isn’t Given, It’s Earned
The only way to truly overcome trust issues in a new relationship is by having your partner gradually gain your trust.
The best way to get there is by telling your partner about your trust issues and then having them perform an action or say something that proves them to be trustworthy.
For example, when Gabriel and I started dating I used to doubt whether he enjoyed spending time with me.
However, my fear was soon contradicted by having him reach out to arrange for a date a lot.
Having your partner first accept your mistrust and then gradually contradict with some concrete actions is the fastest way to recover from trust issues.
It might seem like a lot to ask in the beginning, but showing this kind of vulnerability even early on, will build trust and bring you and your partner closer.
Who knows, maybe it might even make room for your partner to open up about some trust issues of their own.
Overcoming trust issues in a new relationship takes time. Unfortunately, there are no shortcuts here.
It’s important to remember. It’s not your fault you are this way. You’ve been wounded in the past, and these wounds need time and attention to heal.
Hiding your trust issues from your new partner or repressing them will most likely make them worse.
The only way to truly overcome this unfortunate burden is by having your man hear you out and contradict your fears.
Only then you can recover and learn to fully trust again.
Also, another great way to deal with trust issues is by experiencing a deeper level of connection with him.
Feeling emotionally closer to him can make all fears and doubts vanish within seconds!
Now as we’ve covered in this article, there are many factors that contribute towards building trust and reasons your ‘trust alarm bells‘ might go off sometimes.
What’s important here, is that going forward, you’re building a strong foundation of deeper connection with your boyfriend upon which trust can be continuously built.
Gabriel and I like to think of it as a building a metaphorical stone castle together, that represents a relationship.
Each stone you lay with your man is one more step towards building trust and strengthening your special connection, over time the castle grows and becomes the impenetrable home of your relationship, from which you live out your lives together, happily ever after. 👸💗🤴
Incase you’re wondering how you build said metaphorical castle for your relationship, you can find out more in our Rebuild Your Relationship course.
In it we cover the common pitfalls to avoid when trying to build trust and give you all the tools you need to build a partnership in which you will grow closer, happier and stronger together as the years go by.
Click here to check out Rebuild Your Relationship
Additionally, If you want to be proactive active about building trust with him, you might find it helpful to check out our 4 tips to build trust in a relationship which builds on everything we’ve talked about here.
If you have anything thoughts or questions, I’d love to hear from you in the comments section.
Karolina
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