Being ghosted is a huge and common problem people have to face nowadays, especially in online dating.
When a person you thought you had a connection with suddenly stops replying, you’ll likely feel the sting of rejection.
It’s horrible and something I would never wish upon someone.
But I’ve known men who do it.
Here’s a run down of the most common reasons why men ghost women.
I hope they help you see that it’s rarely about you and all about them…
For any of you that aren’t familiar with the meaning of ghosting:
Ghosting means someone disappears out of your life and gives you no explanation for it.
This can happen on online, on physical dates or even in relationships.
So why do men ghost you?
1. Men Ghost Women Because They’re Too Scared to Be Upfront About Things
According to a study on ghosting among Millenials carried out by BankMySell the main reason why men ghost women is to avoid confrontation.
Letting someone know that you’re not really into them takes balls.
Some men simply entirely lack those… 😉
They don’t dare disappoint you directly because they’re worried you might say something mean in return.
Like that you’re upset or that god forbid you FEEL THE SAME WAY and you’re not into them either.
Some men’s fragile egos couldn’t possibly take such a horrendous blow.
Ghosting you is his chicken-hearted way of ensuring that he is the one rejecting you and not the other way around.
Don’t waste your time with these kinds of men.
2. Men Ghost Women When They Want to Keep Stringing Them Along as a Plan B
Another big reason why men ghost women is when they want to intentionally end things on a vague note.
Letting you know that he’s not interested would give you a clear message to move on.
Ghosting, on the other hand, leaves an opening for the possibility of him getting back to you later on.
Dick move.
Some men resort to these types of games when they get to know another woman, whom they consider a better catch.
Getting together with her becomes their prime objective but they want to keep things vague just in case it doesn’t work out according to plan.
That’s why they want to keep their first date as a backup.
I’ve seen guys pull this move countless times.
They’ll first ghost a girl for a couple of weeks and then suddenly get back to her with some lame excuse like:
“Oh sorry, things at work have been so stressful, I just completely forgot about everything else…”
Then they’ll continue stinging her along until the next better catch comes along.
Yes, men can be very calculative sometimes and monkey-bar.
When a guy ghosts you, be careful if you decide to give him a second chance.
Keep in mind that if he truly cared about you, he would have found the time to let you know he was busy.
3. Men Ghost Women Because They Don’t Have to Deal With Any Negative Consequences
Ghosting has become such a prevalent practice since the age of the internet and online dating.
According to a study done by an online dating platform, PlentyOfFish, a staggering 78% of participants experienced being ghosted at least once!
The main advantage of online dating is that it provides a much larger pool of potential partners we may have never met otherwise.
This huge benefit comes with ONE BIG DRAWBACK though:
It allows people to be rude and treat each other badly without ever having to face any real-life consequences.
Most of the time, the person you match with on online dating platforms is a COMPLETE STRANGER.
You don’t have any ties or friends in common.
This means that if this guy acts like a jerk or ghosts you, he’ll most likely NEVER have to deal with any consequences.
You don’t know any of his friends.
And there is NO ONE to whom you could complain about his behavior to that would bring this matter back to him.
Regardless of how he acts, he‘ll never be dubbed as “flaky” or lose face in the eyes of the people whose opinion he actually cares about.
Unfortunately, the lack of accountability often brings up the worst in some people.
4. They Just Don’t Feel the Same Way About You
Another reason why guys ghost is that he may not have felt as much as you did.
Sometimes you can really like a guy and feel like things went great, you had a good time, both of you smiled and at the end of the date:
“We should do this again sometime.”
“Yeah, we should.”
And yet STILL he ghosted you.
Because he didn’t feel as connected as he may have put on and was being ‘polite’.
It sucks. But emotions aren’t always reciprocated in the way we hope…
5. They Saw You as a Time-Filler
Sometimes men ghost women because they’re just plain horrible guys.
He may have thought of you as temporary entertainment that will do for now, until he moves onto his next ‘project’.
That means he plays along while he’s getting what he needs (attention, company, time-filler)…
…And when he can’t be bothered anymore, or he actually has to make an effort, he wipes his hands clean and ghosts you.
The good news is, that these types of players can be spotted miles away, when you know which signs to look out for.
Also, you might take comfort in the fact that these types of guys are some of the LONELIEST on the planet, because they’re incapable of forming meaningful human connection.
6. They’re in a Relationship
These guys are honestly some of the WORST kind.
He’ll seem like the sweetest, nicest guy (because he knows how to work people) and have all the ‘fun’ he wants secretly, while being in a supposed committed relationship.
Yes, dear reader, this is what we call a cheater.
He’ll be as ruthless as he is charming.
So watch out for potential signs of him lying to you so that you don’t fall victim and wonder “Why do men ghost?!” again.
How Do Guys Feel When They Ghost You
If you’re wondering how he feels after he ghosts you, let me give you the answer you likely don’t want to hear:
He’s NOT feeling.
When someone disappears and doesn’t even have the decency to tell you or at the very least explain themselves…
…they have little capacity for feelings, let alone feelings towards others and why they ghost them.
My advice, feel free to reflect on the possible reasons he ghosted you.
But don’t waste your time wondering what the guy is feeling, when he didn’t even take your feelings into consideration.
Conclusion
When it comes to being ghosted, I’ve seen women often blame themselves for it and feel like they did something wrong.
That is mostly NOT the case though.
If you’ve been ghosted recently, you might be feeling regretful, like you missed out on something.
The truth is, you just dodged a bullet here!
Men who resort to ghosting are often immature and aren’t really looking for a serious relationship.
Guys who are too scared to be upfront about things, want to string you along or don’t have any standards or manners are NOT good boyfriend material.
You deserve better than that!
Now if you find yourself in a pattern of being ghosted by guys, or are struggling with a related dating or relationship problem that you’re not not sure how to deal with, then maybe our Coaching Calls can be helpful to you.
In a session, we’ll teach you what it takes to stop being ghosted and avoid those bad apples all together. You’ll also get a strategy specifically tailored to your needs and we’ll show you the exact next steps you need take to attract men that you can count on and are on the same wave length as you.
Click here to check out Coaching Calls.
Otherwise we’ve also got some further reading for you.
If you still find yourself unsure about whether a guy is a ghoster and if you can trust him, our post 11 Signs He Isn’t Into You might give you some further clarity.
And if you think you’ve had enough and are ready to move on, maybe it’s time to shift your focus on finally finding the right guy instead.
Got any questions or are unsure about any of these points? Leave me a comment and I’ll get back to you.
Gabriel
- Is Your Ex Pretending to Be Over You? 7 Signs They Are! - 1. May, 2022
- 14 of the Worst Things a Husband Can Say to His Wife - 28. April, 2022
- How to Stop Caring About Someone Who Doesn’t Care About You - 24. April, 2022
I’m reaching out because I’m at my wits’ end. I’ve been in a relationship with this guy for the past five months and it’s all been absolutely wonderful. He has always been respectful and thoughtful and up until Tuesday last week, gave me the impression of being happy in the relationship. Which is why I’m reeling in shock. Literally overnight, last Wednesday he first started sounding cold in the few replies he sent to my texts and when I asked if I could call him, he said he needed to be left alone. Then he proceeded to ghost me for the next five days. Over those five days I sent maybe two messages asking if he was up to talking and that I was hurting, which he ignored. Then after five days he sent me a text saying that he was sorry but he went into a total tailspin and had still not fully recovered. He told me to do my own thing, and to give him more time. And that was four days ago. I have no idea what triggered this but it’s obviously something to do with us. I’m literally sick with constant gnawing anxiety, not eating, not sleeping, barely being able to breathe. Even went to therapy for the first time. I don’t know whether I should reach out to him and tell him I really need to speak to him so he can tell me what went wrong, because I deserve answers. Or whether if I do, this could backfire. I can’t stop feeling that if he ever even comes back, it’s to break up with me. It feels like my head is on the chopping block, and I’m forever waiting for the axe to fall. Please help.
Hi Mel,
I’m really sorry you’re going through this experience because of this guy. That’s really not something you need or deserve.
It’s all well and good that he was respectful and thoughtful the first months. But for him to pull a 180 on you like that is not thoughtful and certainly not respectful. Leaving you hanging waiting for an answer and giving you no explanation.
Whatever the reasons are, they’re clearly all about him and have nothing to do with you. Maybe he has a hard time communicating where he is really at and just bails on people once he’s reached his limit. Maybe he’s suddenly changes his mind about people when he gets triggered by something small. Who knows.
Regardless, you need to know that this is not you, it’s him. Especially if he’s not even willing to communicate anything about it.
Don’t be waiting on the axe to fall, demand answers instead. Even if it does just trigger you guys to break up for good, do it on your own terms. Don’t give him the satisfaction of making you wait and then being the one to reject you.
I imagine you must be really sad and hurt because of his behavior. But deep down you also must be pretty angry at him too… In this situation your anger is your best compass and protection.
I have a friend that is dating a guy but he been texting way lesser than before. He reads her texts on snap but no reply. He says he’s busy at work and at school is that really ghosting?
He is not a full ‘ghoster’ yet because he does sometimes reply. Nevertheless, this guy sounds like someone who is pretty unreliable and rude.
Oh honey its terrible. The guy i dated was constantly complimenting me, sayin he feels like he’s met me before and we got a good soul connection.
Then he pulled away a couple of times and came back to being all romantic then back to being buddies. And he was sending me 2 mixed signals. So i confronted him about it and got upset and said to him you know if u cant decide where u wanna go from here then i dont wanna be wit you. He then replied told me to delete his number and never heard from him again. Ive made a few attempts to explain to him i didnt expect he would throw away our friendship either. I still wanted to give it another try. I wanted to talk it over. No reply.
Its not completely ghosting. But not replying back is still a form of “ghosting”.
Hi Emrox,
I’m sorry about your experience with your guy, but he has completely ghosted here…
You did extremely well confronting him about where he stands! He showed his true colors and was apparently not serious and was trying to play you. This sort of love-bombing and sudden withdrawal behavior can be tricky to notice and call out, and you catching it so soon has saved you a boatload of heartache and disappointment that would have happened further down the line.
Give yourself time to recover and when you’re back on the horse, you can find yourself a worthy guy while knowing to watch out for this kind of behavior.
I met a guy on dating app, he texted me we did talk , texting went well
Then we thought of meeting in person. Before this he used to reply me very fast.
We have scheduled a date. On the day I asked him if he is still willing to see me, he hasn’t responded to me very well. He told he is working late and avoiding me.
I don’t know what mistake I have done.
Before that in texting,He wanted to meet me at my place, I told I have a roommate and we can meet outside.I don’t know what has changed his mind he called it off and told he is working late.
But still later after a week ,when I did text him casual talk once in a while , he doesn’t respond till like 3-4 hrs or 1day.
I never asked him why he did ghost me.
It did hurt me a lot , because later he’s not even texting as before.
But still if I post any pictures on my social media he likes it and compliments me.
I’m so confused I don’t know, I wanted to ask him so badly but we haven’t met each other . Sometimes it hurts. Does he thinks I have feelings for him?
May be I used to have crush but not any more. I haven’t told him, How can I make him understand on that?
I do post lots of stories/pictures on social media to show him that I am happy with out him.
I never text him , I just only respond to his compliments.
When ever he likes/comments on my pictures it hurts since we are not together.
Hi there Miracle,
that’s a sucky thing he did to you there. Unfortunately it’s not uncommon for people to suddenly get cold feet when you’re actually about to meet. This has nothing to do with you and he’s just too scared to take a firm stand.
As for the mixed messages, you’re doing well keeping your distance and not responding to them. If you ever feel like his likes or comments bother you too much, you can always block him.
It makes sense that it hurts, but you’re better off without someone who can’t even muster the courage to meet you Miracle.
I met a guy on a dating app and we hit it off instantly! The conversation went so well, we exchanged numbers and decided to meet the very next day. We texted day and night for the first 2 weeks and decided to meet for a second time and again, it went so well! The vibe was great.
Then he started disappearing, he didn’t text much, sometimes not at all, he was gone for 1 week, appeared the next. Eventually when he did text, he would say how sorry he was or how busy he’s been and explaining why he didn’t contact me. You make time if you want to, we are all adults here. Eventually, he just don’t text anymore now. I just think its ridiculous how you say you’re not keen to string someone on but thats exactly what you are doing. Tell me you liked me, feel mushy around me, I am so amazing… and then ghost me? Why can’t he just be an adult about it? I am not interested, it was fun while it lasted. Why complicate things or worst, make someone wait on you.. who’s got time for games like this?
Games like this are really unnecessary and annoying. He sounds like someone who is very unreliable and insincere. You’re better off without him! 😉
I have met tge guy at work, and for 2-3 months we were like friends. I saw that he is into me, I dressed nice, mare him laugh etc. Finally he asked me out and it was really fun. I met his family and we have a lot in common. Later on he was sick and could not meet, but we did afterwards. And he told me about the girl he met, and I was very dissapointed he was about to meet her, kind of like a date. So I done something what I have never done before which is telling him about my feelings. He told me, alright I am into you too and the thing is open for US, do not worry abiut that girl etc. He seemed really hyped ale we would meet Later on but no Talking about feelings. It was not the same i guess. Then he would send me christmas wishes, I replied with thanks and stuff and he did no replied to my message about sth which he tends to do since he is not that messagner guy. And from a couple of weeks, nothing. Idk if its ghosting but I would like to know why it hapoened. Thank you 🙂
Hi Jolene,
I’m sorry but it sounds like this guy is a total player. He’s giving you seriously mixed messages! First it’s all fun and games and he’s having you meet his family and then he’s suddenly seeing another girl on a date, but it’s not serious. Then you can meet, but you’re not allowed to talk about your feelings. It’s all just really insincere behavior Jolene.
My advice: don’t trust this guy and certainly don’t invest anymore time in him. Move on and find someone who takes your feelings and your time seriously.
The guy I was with for 10 years just ghosted me 4 weeks ago when my mom died. I’ve tried texting, calling, no response, no closure, nothing. I was telling him he needed to make his mind up about marriage bc we are almost 40 but I wasn’t really pressuring him. He helped me raise my 3 children since they were in diapers…. I just don’t know what to do! I finally quit calling, I’m just broken ….. I just can’t believe he couldn’t be friend enough to tell me I wasn’t it…. bc I gave him many opportunities and wasn’t angry just begged him not to waste my time.
Hi Candice,
I’m so sorry to hear about your experience. It’s horrible that he would suddenly abandon you when you’d just lost your mom.
10 years is a long time to be together and he must have been keeping feelings of his secret for a long time to just suddenly drop off the map like that. There’s not much you can do here unfortunately. It’s likely he’d been thinking about leaving for a while and for some reason, the passing of your mother was the moment he chose to do so.
You’re right to stop trying to contact. Take time for yourself instead and reach out to people you can trust for support in this difficult time.
You’ll get through this Candice!
I met a guy who instantly wanted to get with me. He literally proposed to me. But I wanted to take it slow since we both have been divorced. (Him twice) He disappears for days and always has an excuse. I am pretty sure he took a lot of advantages of me. Then all of a sudden he doesn’t respond. The worst case is he sent me messages through a mutual friend asking for a few favors.(We both have a membership in a reputed leadership organization, which is how we met) It was so disgusting. Then he sent a new year message. To which I responded I’m done. I don’t ever want to see him again.
Hi Zee,
These kinds of guys are shamelessly trying take advantage. His actions make it clear he’s not serious about building any kind of real relationship.
Well done on cutting him loose.
I met a guy online and we instantly hit it off, he was really lovely and he liked who I was as a person. We swapped numbers and started chatting on WhatsApp and things just got better and better, and he was willing to travel to me to see me and he text me every day and he would talk about how much he missed me and was thinking of moving closer to where I live so we could spend quality time together more frequently. We met up 3 times and each time it was perfect. Then the next time we arranged to meet his mum was ill so we had to cancel and then there were weeks where we both had our children so couldn’t meet, and then I caught covid so another 2 weeks passed that we couldn’t see each other, but he would still text every day and sometimes call me. He was also really supportive during my 2 week recovery. In total it was 6 weeks where we couldn’t see each other. Admittedly there were 2 or 3 times he said he would call me and didn’t but then I would always hear from him the next day and it was fine. When I mentioned it he eventually said he thought he was falling in love with me and that it was a big step and he was worried about getting hurt. So I reassured him and said I felt the same way and that he didn’t need to push me away because I was there for him. He agreed and everything was perfect after that. However a few weeks later we finally were able to meet up and we were both really excited to see each other, there was a little obstacle that came up where his neice had just tested positive for covid and so we discussed what that meant for us meeting and it was frustrating that something else had happened that meant we may not be able to see each other! we ended up agreeing that we both wanted to still meet and that actually the risk was very small. So the day before meeting everything was fine he texted me as normal and said he’d done all his Xmas shopping and got my presents. He said he would call me later but then didn’t so I just left it as usually it just meant he was busy and I always heard from him the next day. So the next morning arrived which was the day of meeting and he texted me on his way to work at 7am then he called and said are we still meeting and that he was going to finish work early so could come sooner than we had planned. I then struggled to hear him as he was driving so I just texted and said let me know when you’re on your way can’t wait to see you. About an hour later he text and said I’ll be there by 12:30pm is that ok, can’t wait to see you. I replied saying yes that’s fine see you soon. 12:30 came, and went. I had got myself all ready and was waiting and thought he normally texts when he’s late. I left it until 1pm and then called because I didn’t know if something had happened. It rang but no answer. So I texted him saying is everything ok? And I noticed then that he hadn’t read my last message either from that morning. I called him another 3 times , each after 15 mins then gave up. I was speechless and so upset and confused. My last 2 messages remained unread until the next morning but I still have no reply he has just completely ghosted me! So I sent him a text which literally just said, I don’t know what is going on, but I’m not here to be messed around. We’ll leave it there. Then I deleted every last trace of him from my phone. It’s now been 2 days since his no show and I have had nothing. Please can you shed some light on this for me because I’m going mad trying to figure out why 😢
Hi Jenny,
sorry I’m getting back to you later, our spam filter can be moody at times.
Maybe something has cleared up for you by now? I hope he had a valid excuse and got back in touch with you.
If not, that’s definitely a cruel thing for him to have done to you and it sucks that it happened. Some men are all in until they realize it’s more ‘serious’ and then they’ll just drop off the map without a word instead of communicating where they’re at.
As to why, if the latter is the case then it really isn’t something you have much control over Jenny. If somebody has made it out as though everything was okay until the last minute and then chooses to abandon out of the blue, it’s on them and not on you!
I met this guy on a dating app. We exchanged numbers and have been talking for a while all throughout the day. Really good conversations, he was very open that he really liked me and said that he’d deleted the app and that we really clicked he’d never met anyone that he can talk to so easily. We both said we weren’t interested in meaningless sex and wanted to meet someone. When we last spoke I said that I don’t sleep around it’s not my style and I respect myself so I dont give it to just anyone, he said that made me even hotter to him and he agreed he doesn’t want that life. Then.. he went quiet the next day, I messaged him in the evening and he said something had happened in his family and he didn’t want to dump it on me. I said it’s ok I understand and I’m here if you need me he said Thankyou. I then haven’t heard from him at all. I left him alone but a week later I messaged and said are you alright? He read the message and never replied. I’m really confused, I don’t know whether to just wait and see if he contacts me as his story may be true, or come to terms with the fact that he’s actually just ignoring me.
Hi Katie,
it sucks that he’s not responding after you connected so well.
If what he said is true and he genuinely shares your values and is into you, he will definitely reply to your texts.
But if he continuous ignoring you despite everything he’s claimed, then you might need to call BS on this one…
Either way honestly, his behavior is not cool. Writing you a quick text to let you know what’s up isn’t asking the world, it would be the courteous thing to do. In a situation like yours only time will tell and it’s up to you to know how long you’re willing to wait around for him.
my fiance died (1 year ago). his friend reached out to me via text. we started texting and have met up once (long distance) we met on neutral ground. he is now ghosting me. why would someone treat me so poorly after the pain I have been through. I am confused.
I’m sorry to hear about your loss…
And it’s hard to get the whole picture from my end, but I imagine that his friend might have felt guilty about what happened.
But that is no excuse for him to simply ghost you that way, of course it leaves you feeling confused. He should have told you where he was at instead of just bailing.
Kyle Berkshire, Milwaukee Wi.. ghosted me. I found he was a predatory personality, got off on hurting women
Hi Vickie,
I’m sorry you were ghosted, but it sounds like you dodged a bullet there!
I missed the whole online dating thing being previously married. I have a few Twitter friends, some men and we DM but never inappropriately. One in particular, we DM’d for four years becoming fairly good friends. Over the past months things escalated, sharing real identities, interests, etc. but there was never any real chance of dating as we live very far away from eachother. He instigated a flirtation but I was cautious about it. It took months for it develop but it became quite intense. I should tell you that we are both older and it wasn’t like a thing where we were expecting anything to come of it. We were just talking and sharing. Then he deletes his 11 year old Twitter account. Practically mid-conversation. I know everything about him. So, I could reach out but I won’t. But he knows I could. I guess that’s what’s perplexed me. Why make what was a substantial effort that required a lot of patience only to make such a dramatic break when he knows I could contact him if I wanted to? Because this action doesn’t match his long record of behavior, I have guessed that maybe he reconciled with someone or that our connection was becoming too much emotionally. In either case, it just wasn’t necessary and I guess I just miss my friend.
It is very strange that he suddenly deleted his twitter account without any explanation.
Given that you have the possibility of reaching out, if I were you I’d do it. Not to try to restart the friendship but just to ask him about what happened.
You’ve stayed in touch for four years, that is a long friendship. Even if he did get together with someone else, you deserve to know why he decided to delete his account and vanish mid conversation.
This way you’ll get a chance to get a straight up answer from him. Otherwise you’ll be just left wondering about it..
Thank you for your response, it was rather strange. In fact, I thought that perhaps that his Twitter account had been hacked or suspended erroneously, which happens on Twitter. Once I established that was not the case, that this was intentional, I did go through a why process. Now, I don’t really need an explanation from him because in the end this was how he chose to behave, whatever the reason. If I do communicate with him, I would really just want to tell him that I’m sad about that choice. I’ve already cried my tears about it so I’m going to let some time pass to see if I feel it’s still valuable to me and to give him a chance to reach out on his own. If he is who I thought he was, then he’ll understand why I reached out. If I’m wrong, well, then my communication could hardly make things worse or more humiliating but at least I will have given myself closure. Thanks again for your reply. It was very helpful to have a sounding board after what turned out to be a surprisingly painful event.
Since you know now that it was intentional, it makes sense that you don’t need any additional explanation from him. Sorry that you had to go through all this, it sounds tough… wish you all the best!
So I was seeing a guy from high school who contacted me through FB. We are both in our 30’s and hadn’t seen each other in quite some time. Over the course of about four weeks he would message me very frequently and we got together a few times. He had already explained that he didn’t think he wanted a relationship and I was ok with that. Every time we got together we had a blast. The last time we hung out he kissed me bye and dropped me off. That same night and like every other time we hung out he acts like we are together in front of others. The next day I messaged him and never got response and haven’t heard from him since. A week or so later he starts liking all of my stuff on FB and a former acquaintance of mine and a friend of his started messaging me and brought him up which I found odd.
I’m ok that it didn’t go anywhere but can figure out why the need to ignore me since we went to high school together? I have other male friends and they don’t act that way.
Hi Rae,
it sounds as though your friend is giving you lots of mixed messages here.
If you like him enough, ask him directly: “So are we dating? Are we together? What’s our deal here?” Insist on a clear answer, if he beats around the bush, ask the question again. Don’t let him play around with you.
Then it’s important to see if his actions align with what he says. If they do, great, you finally know what’s up and can make your decision.
Otherwise, don’t bother. I’ll be straight with you here Rae, when a guy acts like this it’s generally a sign he’s not serious and is not worth your time.
I hope you get the answers you want soon!
I appreciate the advice. Mainly just disappointed that two old friends could continue their friendship. Thank you.
Hi Gabriel,
Sorry for the long message but I need to explain my story in detail so I can paint a clear picture.
I was dating a guy for 6 months and everything was perfect. We both knew from the start that the relationship would have to come to an end cause I was leaving to go travelling so we agreed to keep things fun with no expectations. As the months went by we got closer, started to really care for each other, spend most of our time together, talked everyday and ultimately nurtured the relationship so it was obvious we both had feelings BUT we didn’t talk about them cause again we knew the relationship was going to have to come to an end.
We had a month left together and one evening he was out with his friends and I called him but no answer. 15 minutes later he called me back, we had a nice chat and then he quickly had to go saying ‘one sec, one sec’ and hung up. I messaged him to ask what had happened for him to put the phone down on me like that but I didn’t get a response til the morning. He said he was sorry and that his friends were looking for him. I felt disrespected and was annoyed as I thought it was rude so I told him and again he said he was sorry. I left it a day to reply back and when I did I realised it was an exaggeration from my part so I apologised too.
The next day things were back to normal but the following 2 days I found that I was the one making more of an effort to initiate contact. He was totally responsive but at the same time my gut was telling me something wasn’t right. I asked him to meet up to have a chat face to face and he agreed to meet in the evening after work – he never showed up. I called him and then messaged to see if he was ok as he wasn’t the type to be late or no show – no response .
I then left it 3 days and when I saw some activity online and started to realise what was happening. I sent him a long goodbye message calmly and wished him all the best but also expressed my disappointment that he would choose to end things like this – again no response.
2 days later I sent another more emotional message, admitting to him for the first time that I catched feelings and expressed my shock and disappointment asking him why? Was it all a lie? Some sort of game? Was it me acting up? Did he realise his feelings weren’t the same? Did he meet someone else? Felt too much that he couldn’t deal with it? Whatever it was I asked him to be real with me and that I would understand. Again, no response.
It makes no sense when there was only one month left before we had to say goodbye. It also can’t be indifference when I was such a big part of his daily life. I keep blaming myself for acting up that day but it wasn’t that bad to deserve this.
How can someone go from 100 to 0? Can you shine some light please as I am so confused?
Hi Blanche,
I’m sorry to hear that things went this way with your guy, especially given that you got so close and cared for each other.
It likely happened due a combination of things that were OUT of your control. Maybe he’s too afraid to deal with the inevitable separation, it could be that he was keeping something from you or he’s just too scared to tell you what he was actually thinking and feeling.
Regardless of what is going on on his end, my message to you is this: His disappearing act has nothing to do with you.
And despite him putting you in a tough and shitty situation by putting his head in the sand and not giving you closure, you handled it very maturely and did everything in your power to mend things -bravo on that!
You’ve done all you can and the rest is out of your control. This is how he’s chosen to react. Now you know and can safely move on. You have your traveling to look forward to and are bound to meet plenty of fun and interesting people.
I hope it helps, have a safe journey!
So, a guy that I’ve known for YEARS we got into contact 6 months ago and we started dating. The first time we were he didn’t talk to me for 2 week, then a couple months later he blocked me literally with NO explanation. Mind you he has been saying that he’s not good enough for me or that I deserve better. He’s just gonna come back in about 2 weeks .. what should I do ???
When he comes back in two weeks you should tell him that he is right, that you do deserve better! 😉 If you are willing to give him another chance though, try to demand an explanation of why he is been dropping off the map every now and then and set some boundaries, tell him that you won’t tolerate this kind of behavior in the future. Also, this kind of repeated disappearance is a bit suspicious.. he might be hiding something from you. If I were you, I’d really try to find out what he has been doing during those two weeks when he blocked you.
Question? The guy I was seeing just recently ghosted me. Our last sexual encounter was amazing like always since we decided to go to that level. Prior to that we were friends for 10 years. We had mutual friends and he knows my family. I had invited him to my 10-year-old daughter‘s birthday and he was late however when he did come there was a conflict with my self and my family that he walked in to the line if fire.I had apologize to him for walking into that and I explained the situation of how I was getting ganged up on by my family and Ex-Spouse where later they all apologized for. I felt he was OK with the explanation and understood why I was upset plus he was aware they had apologized to me. At the time my ex-spouse was there as well at the party who had known him the same about a time as do had and my ex had stated when I was upset that I always act that way and that I was a psycho. I had to explain to the guy i was seeing I heard the convo and expressed that was not the case as I would not of lasted as long in a 16 year relationship with my first daughter’s father and with my youngest’s dad for seven years. We were intimate after that and everything seemed fantastic in the bedroom with the chemistry then I noticed he was a bit of aloof and found out he lost his fur baby that passed away. I felt that he needed some space so I’ve been giving it to him and I’m still finding him not to be responsive even if I just say good morning every few days in between. Do I’ve left him completely alone. Were both 47. Km a Leo and he’s an Aquarius. Not sure if that Has something to do with it. But from what I can see definitely we meet each other and Can spark each others intellectual side and I said reality is extremely high together. I’m not sure if maybe it’s because I said I love his traits and that scared him away.
Hi Carol,
From what you’ve told me, I imagine the recent events (the loss of his pet and the conflict with your family and ex-spouse) might have had a big impact on him.
Neither of these experiences are ones you’d simply shrug off.
If he’s willing to talk about it, it’s definitely something you want to discuss. Especially the incident at your daughters birthday, because it’s likely a big part of what made him ghost.
Have an honest heart to heart and be sure to take his side and understand his side of the story (just as he tried to take yours during the conflict)
I hope you guys manage to work it out!
Thank you I had explained the conflict to him immediately right after and had apologized for him having to endure it. I thought that was rectified.
It may have been enough but I’d suggest asking, just to be sure.
It’s also possible something else has been brewing within him for a while. If you suspect there’s more to it, you can ask him “Did something happen that pushed you away?” or similar questions to get to the bottom of it.