Being ghosted is a huge and common problem people have to face nowadays, especially in online dating.
When a person you thought you had a connection with suddenly stops replying, you’ll likely feel the sting of rejection.
It’s horrible and something I would never wish upon someone.
But I’ve known men who do it.
Here’s a run down of the most common reasons why men ghost women.
I hope they help you see that it’s rarely about you and all about them…
For any of you that aren’t familiar with the meaning of ghosting:
Ghosting means someone disappears out of your life and gives you no explanation for it.
This can happen on online, on physical dates or even in relationships.
So why do men ghost you?
1. Men Ghost Women Because They’re Too Scared to Be Upfront About Things
According to a study on ghosting among Millenials carried out by BankMySell the main reason why men ghost women is to avoid confrontation.
Letting someone know that you’re not really into them takes balls.
Some men simply entirely lack those… 😉
They don’t dare disappoint you directly because they’re worried you might say something mean in return.
Like that you’re upset or that god forbid you FEEL THE SAME WAY and you’re not into them either.
Some men’s fragile egos couldn’t possibly take such a horrendous blow.
Ghosting you is his chicken-hearted way of ensuring that he is the one rejecting you and not the other way around.
Don’t waste your time with these kinds of men.
2. Men Ghost Women When They Want to Keep Stringing Them Along as a Plan B
Another big reason why men ghost women is when they want to intentionally end things on a vague note.
Letting you know that he’s not interested would give you a clear message to move on.
Ghosting, on the other hand, leaves an opening for the possibility of him getting back to you later on.
Some men resort to these types of games when they get to know another woman, whom they consider a better catch. Yes, a guy can ghost you for another girl!
Getting together with her becomes his prime objective but he wants to keep things vague just in case it doesn’t work out according to plan.
That’s why he tries to keep you – his first date – as a backup.
I’ve seen guys pull this move countless times.
They’ll first ghost a girl for a couple of weeks and then suddenly get back to her with some lame excuse like:
“Oh sorry, things at work have been so stressful, I just completely forgot about everything else…”
When in reality they tried their luck elsewhere but it didn’t work out. So they come back full of good excuses and stick around until the next possibility presents itself. At which point they might vanish again and reappear again and again!
The persons who is a guy’s second choice, rarely becomes the primary object of his affection. It’s much more likely that he will continue stinging you along this way until either you finally move on for good.
Yes, men can be very calculative sometimes and monkey-bar.
When a guy ghosts you, be careful if you decide to give him a second chance.
Keep in mind that if he truly cared about you, he would have found the time to let you know he was busy…
3. Men Ghost Women Because They Don’t Have to Deal With Any Negative Consequences
Ghosting has become such a prevalent practice since the age of the internet and online dating.
According to a study done by an online dating platform, PlentyOfFish, a staggering 78% of participants experienced being ghosted at least once!
The main advantage of online dating is that it provides a much larger pool of potential partners we may have never met otherwise.
This huge benefit comes with ONE BIG DRAWBACK though:
It allows people to be rude and treat each other badly without ever having to face any real-life consequences.
Most of the time, the person you match with on online dating platforms is a COMPLETE STRANGER.
You don’t have any ties or friends in common.
This means that if this guy acts like a jerk or ghosts you, he’ll most likely NEVER have to deal with any consequences.
You don’t know any of his friends.
And there is NO ONE to whom you could complain about his behavior to that would bring this matter back to him.
Regardless of how he acts, he‘ll never be dubbed as “flaky” or lose face in the eyes of the people whose opinion he actually cares about.
Unfortunately, the lack of accountability often brings up the worst in some people.
4. They Just Don’t Feel the Same Way About You
Another reason why guys ghost is that he may not have felt as much as you did.
Sometimes you can really like a guy and feel like things went great, you had a good time, both of you smiled and at the end of the date:
“We should do this again sometime.”
“Yeah, we should.”
And yet STILL he ghosted you.
Because he didn’t feel as connected as he may have put on and was being ‘polite’.
It sucks. But emotions aren’t always reciprocated in the way we hope…
5. They Saw You as a Time-Filler
Sometimes men ghost women because they’re just plain horrible guys.
He may have thought of you as temporary entertainment that will do for now, until he moves onto his next ‘project’.
That means he plays along while he’s getting what he needs (attention, company, time-filler)…
…And when he can’t be bothered anymore, or he actually has to make an effort, he wipes his hands clean and ghosts you.
The good news is, that these types of players can be spotted miles away, when you know which signs to look out for.
Also, you might take comfort in the fact that these types of guys are some of the LONELIEST on the planet, because they’re incapable of forming meaningful human connection.
6. They’re in a Relationship
These guys are honestly some of the WORST kind.
He’ll seem like the sweetest, nicest guy (because he knows how to work people) and have all the ‘fun’ he wants secretly, while being in a supposed committed relationship.
Yes, dear reader, this is what we call a cheater.
He’ll be as ruthless as he is charming.
So watch out for potential signs of him lying to you so that you don’t fall victim and wonder “Why do men ghost?!” again.
How Do Guys Feel When They Ghost You
If you’re wondering how he feels after he ghosts you, let me give you the answer you likely don’t want to hear:
He feels ok.
When someone disappears and doesn’t even have the decency to tell you or at the very least explain themselves…
…they have little capacity for self reflection, remorse or feeling bad about ghosting. He most likely lives in denial of doing anything terribly wrong and feels like he can get off the hook if needs be.
My advice, feel free to reflect on the possible reasons he ghosted you.
But don’t waste your time wondering what the guy is feeling, when he didn’t even take your feelings into consideration!
When it comes to being ghosted, I’ve seen women often blame themselves for it and feel like they did something wrong.
That is mostly NOT the case though.
If you’ve been ghosted recently, you might be feeling regretful, like you missed out on something.
The truth is, you just dodged a bullet here!
Men who resort to ghosting are often immature and aren’t really looking for a serious relationship.
Guys who are too scared to be upfront about things, want to string you along or don’t have any standards or manners are NOT good boyfriend material.
You deserve better than that!
Now if you find yourself in a pattern of being ghosted by guys, or are struggling with a related dating or relationship problem that you’re not not sure how to deal with, we can help you out in a one-on-one Coaching Call.In a call, we’ll teach you what it takes to stop being ghosted and avoid those bad apples all together.
You’ll also get a strategy specifically tailored to your needs, and we’ll show you the exact next steps you need to take to attract men that you can count on and are on the same wave length as you.
Otherwise, we’ve also got some further reading for you.
If you’re you’re wondering if you’ll ever hear from a guy who ghosted you ever again, be sure to check out: Why Ghosters Always Come Back and What to Do About It
I want to expand this post by answering some of the questions you guys asked in the comments and in our coaching calls:
When Do Guys Ghost in Relationships
One surprising but common situation where women get ghosted in relationship is when things start off really well and develop fast.
You finally feel like you’ve met a guy who giving you his full attention and isn’t afraid of commitment! The texts you back, initiates, talks about a future with you, so much so, it almost feels too good to be true.
Well, it’s because it is! Unfortunately…
We all put on a show when we first start dating someone. We put way more effort in our appearance, present our best side, hide our issues, pretend to be over our insecurities and so on and so forth.
The thing is, nobody can keep up this kind of facade in the long run. Honemoon phase cannot last forever.
Relationship ghosters tend to vanish when their issues finally catch up with them. They can’t keep up pretending that they’re perfect any longer. The reality of who they are is closing in, and they have to run and hide to keep their status and authority.
Guys ghost women in a relationship when it’s impossible for them to hide their real, not so perfect self any longer.
Do Guys Ghost When They Catch Feelings?
This is a common misconception that a lot of you guys brought up in coaching calls. You have a feeling that a relationship was progressing, a guy started really opening up to you and letting you in. he might have mentioned serious commitment or even talked about the future, only to then do a sudden 180 and ghost you shortly after.
A lot of you conclude that he must have started catching real feelings, and they scared him.
You’re then wondering if it’s worth waiting for him to get over his doubts and come back.
You see, loving someone isn’t just a feeling, it’s also a choice: you decide to let yourself be vulnerable and allow yourself to care. So do guys ghost when they catch feelings? Yes and no.
They might have been catching some feelings, but the fact that they ghosted you afterwards show that they lack the maturity to build a loving and stable relationship.
Even though a ghoster might like you, he just doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship.
This brings me to your next question.
Do Guys Ghost When They’re Scared or Intimidated?
Yes, absolutely. Ghosting is a very cowardly thing to do. So yes, ghosters are so scared and intimidated that they don’t even want to tell you to your face what’s going on. They would rather hide and intentionally keep things vague.
Even if it was you who triggered a guy to act this way, it’s not your fault.
These kinds of deep-rooted insecurities or fears were there for him long before he met you.
The fact that he is scared and intimidated doesn’t excuse him, either.
As a man, let me reassure you, we’re not all like this! You really do deserve better!
Thank you for reading! Got any further questions or are unsure about any of these points? Leave me a comment, and I’ll get back to you.