Photo by Devon Divine

When a man starts to withdraw or pull away, a lot of women often start to panic and try to immediately do whatever they can to reel him back in.

I get it… I used to react exactly the same way…

Having someone you can’t get enough of suddenly asking you for space or to be alone, it feels WRONG!

When we first started dating Gabriel used to “Need space.” A LOT.

Because of that, he’d stop texting and we wouldn’t see each other for a couple of days.

It was horrible.

Back then I always tried playing it off as cool but deep down I always felt rejected and alone.

Now, 8 years later, we HARDLY EVER need space from each other.

Looking back at all those times in our past when Gabriel needed space… I can now see very clearly why he was acting the way he was.

Moreover, I can see the same patterns with all of my girlfriends with their men!

I’m going to share with you the three surprising truths I learned about why men suddenly pull away and give you tips on what you can do to actually bring them closer.

1. The Real Reasons He Is Pulling Away, Have Nothing to Do With You

When a guy says “I need some space” any girl’s default reaction is to…

Blame herself and feel like SHE must have done something WRONG!

But the reality is, it’s often a sign of the complete opposite.

A lot of men are AFRAID of BEING ATTACHED!

Chances are you and your man are getting CLOSER and his defensive walls are beginning to CRACK.

But he isn’t ready to fully let you in yet!

So he suddenly needs to spend some time apart so that he can get those walls back up.

This is something most men aren’t aware of.

They’re not doing it out of spite or trying to intentionally reject you.

It’s just that they don’t trust you enough yet and are afraid of being hurt.

Another big reason why men pull away at the beginning of a relationship is when they’re not doing well and are trying to hide it.

When two people start dating they generally always try to only show their BEST SIDE to their new partner.

Additionally, there is a lot of pressure on men to always act strong and pretend to have it all figured out.

But everybody feels down every now and then.

And men DON’T have it all figured out.

Chances are your man doesn’t want to show you when he is not doing well because he is afraid of being judged or rejected.

So he decides to simply WAIT for the bad mood to pass before seeing you again.

Regardless of what his exact reasons are for suddenly pulling away, most likely they have nothing to do with you.

So don’t go blaming yourself here.

2. Avoid the Common Mistakes That Make Men Even More Distant

I know from my own experience that a man suddenly pulling away awakens this SUPER-STRONG urge to try to desperately cling onto him.

Elegant, I know.

Unfortunately, following that urge will most likely make your man even MORE DISTANT.

It’s important to respect your man’s need for space.

Don’t try to violate it by constantly texting him or finding excuses to pop by his place.

Trying to force a man to let you in, when he doesn’t feel ready for it, will only make him PULL AWAY MORE.

No one likes to be controlled. These kinds of behaviors can even drive men away for good.

3. Bring Him Closer By Providing The Space He Needs

I know, it’s hard to resist that urge to try to cling onto your man, even though he said he needed space.

I used to try all sorts of tricks to try lure Gabriel back in.

Once I even baked blueberry muffins especially for him.

He still didn’t want to come over but I DIDN’T INSIST and ended up eating them with a friend.

I decided to save him one though and he actually came by one the next day and said it was very delicious.

It’s tricky, but trying to trick or force your man into opening up will do more damage than good.

Because there are often reasons he’s being distant towards you that even he’s not aware of!

On the other hand, patience and acceptance of where they’re at are going to bring them CLOSER FASTER.


When a guy suddenly voices the need to have some space, it’s easy to get carried away and panic.

That’s why it’s important to remember: this is most likely not your fault.

Him needing space probably has NOTHING to do with you.

Don’t try to trick or force him into opening up.

That will only make him withdraw even further.

Do your best to accept and respect where he is at and he will come back to you sooner than you imagine.

In case you’re wondering how long should a break in a relationship last, you can read our article about that here.

Also if you’re curious to know how we overcame the problems in our relationship, be sure to check out our story.

Now when it comes to guys asking for space in relationships there are often reasons that go beyond a recent event that caused it.

Sometimes there are underlying issues that you (and sometimes even your boyfriend or husband) are utterly unaware of -that are causing a need for space and addressing these issues is the only way to actually solve the problem.

This is what we dig into, in our Rebuild Your Relationship Course.Here we talk about the reasons men distance themselves and sometimes even bunker themselves in and what to do to get them back out and have them reconnect with you instead.

I know how difficult this can be because I had the same struggle with Gabriel (my boyfriend who runs the blog with me.) and it took a long time before I finally figured out what I was doing wrong (things that were continuously pushing him away) and what I needed to do to solve this!

Now, he not only never needs space, he actively seeks me out and talks to me when there’s a problem so that we can figure it out together.

If you’re interested in learning more, you can click here to check out Rebuild Your Relationship.

If you have any questions or would like to share your experience with men needing space, let me know and I’ll get back to you.


Karolina Bartnik