Photo by Mike Jones

It’s the elephant in the room, isn’t it?

You’re spending time together and there’s clearly something going on between you two. But neither of you is openly stating anything…

So it’s understandably confusing and maybe even a little frustrating to not be clear on what your status is. After all, you can’t just endlessly be stuck in limbo, having to read between the lines and draw conclusions.

At some point you want to KNOW whether they feel the same way you do and if you’re dating or not!

This is where the signs you are unofficially dating will finally give you answers.

They will give you clarity on where you’re at with your love interest and help alleviate some of that uncertainty or anxiety you might be feeling.

Let’s start by defining:

What Does It Mean To Be Unofficially Dating?

To be unofficially dating means you are dating, but neither of you explicitly asked the other out on any date.

But the fact that you are CLEARLY more than friends remains unspoken.

So you will spend quality time together, enjoy a special mutual connection, without anyone officially acknowledging that you are obviously dating.

Unofficial dating usually lasts a few weeks before a conclusion is finally reached when someone makes a move.

But in some instances it can drag out for months!

It can take especially long if one or BOTH parties are terrified that the other may not reciprocate those feelings.

Maybe a little help with getting an avoidant to chase you?

So both beat around the bush until their friends coerce them to make it official or one of you plucks up the courage and finally grabs the other’s hand or kisses them!

12 Signs You Are Clearly Unofficially Dating

Here are the signs you want to look out for to find out whether you are unofficially dating or not.

The more of these signs fit for you, the more certain you can be.

I hope you find the answers you’re looking for here, and let’s get to it!

1. You Spend An Unusual Amount Of Time Together

Even after all your friends have left to go back home, the two of you decide you should still hit the books at the library or check out that quaint bistro on the street corner.

You’ll just find yourselves hanging out together, often until late at night. It might be to work together in silence or talk about everything under the sun.

It may be in the company of friends or colleagues, but you two seem to have your own private language and live in a bubble of your own.

This will also usually happen very organically without any planning required. You just regularly find yourselves spending a lot of quality time together.

If this fits for you, count it as a sign that you’re unofficially dating.

2. You Often Hang Out Alone

Speaking of spending an unusual amount of time together. If you happen to always do that alone, as in just the two of you…

Then count it as another indicator that there’s more going on between you two than either is willing to admit yet.

This is especially true if the time you are together isn’t strictly out of necessity, say due to school or work.

But rather, that you’re both unofficially choosing to spend time alone together.

3. You Have Beautifully Awkward Moments

Your hands accidentally brush against each other and you both say “Sorry” in unison, then you awkwardly chuckle together, only to look away, blushing.

Then either of you changes to a topic, conveniently devoid of the hot chemistry that just transpired.

It’s cute, it’s cheesy as hell and would make any Hallmark movie proud. And yes, it’s a certain sign you’re informally dating.

4. You Have Meaningful Conversations

Do you both lose track of time while being engrossed in deep, meaningful conversations together?

It’s like you’re in a private and safe world in which you can talk about anything safely. It can be about love, family, spirituality, ethics, pop-culture, you name it! No topic is off the table.

But regardless of how grand and important these conversations might seem…

What’s actually making them feel special and irresistibly captivating is your growing, unspoken bond.

Sounds a lot like an incredible first date to me.

5. You Text Each Other Daily

You both went to your separate homes for the evening, but still can’t get enough of each other?

Fear not, technology is here to enable your addiction, which leaves you both still talking, glued to your phones until the dead of night.

The next morning you continue the thought train, and if that’s run out of steam, one of you has likely found something else to talk about already!

Can you relate to the vibe? If you’re keeping in touch on a daily basis, you’re definitely unofficially dating.

It might even be time to dial it up with some flirty text to make them think about you all day.

6. You Grocery Shop And Cook Together

It might start out as a conversation about your favorite dishes or a challenge on who’s the best baker.

But before you know it, you’re both harmoniously shopping for groceries like the perfect unofficial couple you are.

Then it was off to yours or their place, and you played ‘home’ and ‘cooking’ together. Did you feed each other to taste if there were enough spices?

Yah, I bet you did, you cheeky thing you. What’s next? Flirty conversation starters to heat things up?

And if you haven’t shared in this delightful experience yet, maybe you guys just haven’t collected this sign yet.

7. You Hang Out At Each Others Places

It will likely feel very organic to the both of you, like friends who just hang out at whoever’s got the closest or best crib.

Except that it’s often JUST the two of you… *wink wink*

You might even have left small stuff at each other’s places, like contact lenses, toothbrushes, or an item from your bag you conveniently “misplaced”.

So hanging out at each other’s places is another common sign to look out for. And if you’re staying over, count double signs.

8. You Support Each Other Emotionally

If something is weighing on either of you, and you need to get it off your chest, then you’ll support the other emotionally.

Whether it be about school, work, or family, there will be room to talk about your current life struggles and what’s on your minds.

This kind of mutual emotional support is another sign that you’re likely unofficially dating.

9. You Never Talk About ‘What You Are’

This is the big taboo topic, under no circumstances do you ever define what your relationship is.

It’s too scary!

Because what if you were to break what’s so imperfectly perfect? You’d both rather have each other in your lives platonically, then not at all.

So the risk isn’t taken, and it remains a no-go topic. This is a sign because any normal friendship would just openly call it such without hesitation.

(The only exception to this, is if one of you finally decides that they want to make a move and find out what’s what.)

10. You Get Physical Without Kissing

Have you playfully wrestled in the meadows? Perhaps laid close to each other with just your feet occasionally touching?

Or maybe when you hug, it lingers just that liiittle bit longer than it would with anybody else.

If you’ve experienced any of these or similar instances with your “We are not dating” partner, then it’s a clear sign that you ARE in fact unofficially dating.

11. You’re Comfortable Being Vulnerable With Each Other

Even though you’re not officially dating, there will be a lot of vulnerability shared.

Hopes, fears, doubts, and struggles. You’ll both talk about the difficulties in your lives candidly…

Of course, so long as it’s NOT about each other, that is.

12. Friends Tell You Both To ‘Make It Official Already!’

People around you are getting impatient!

  • “Just kiss them!”
  • “Make a move!”
  • “Tell them how you feel!”
  • “You both CLEARLY like each other!”
  • “Make the dating status official already!”

It’s getting boring for them. They’ve accompanied you through the entire journey, with all the highs and lows. They were involved, excited, sad and happy with you…

But now they want their pay-off, they want the happy end, to maybe even see if you’re soulmates and are not shy about expressing it.

And should it go as they hoped, they’re bound to lecture you on ‘How difficult you two were’ and how it ‘took you forever!’

Count impatient friends as a final sign.

So, those were the 12 signs you are unofficially dating!

How many of them fit for you? And are you clear on where you stand with your special someone now? Let me know your thoughts in the comments section.

You’ll likely also find this post interesting: How Long Should the Talking Stage Last Before Dating

Thank you for reading, and I’ll see you in my next post.



Gabriel Brenner