Photo by Yan Krukov

Men can be very confusing.

Especially when you’re looking for signs whether he is fighting his feelings for you.

Because the amount of mixed messages he might be giving you, can send you into a spin of confusion, which can make you wonder whether he has emotions for you at all.

So let’s make sense of his behavior and identify the definite signs that will give you the answers you need!

Why Is He Fighting His Feelings for Me?

Let’s start with a question, many of you have asked.

If a guy has feelings for you, why on earth is he fighting them SO hard??

Especially if you’re giving him the signs that you’re anyway interested!

You could just get together already!

So the simple answer is:

He is either in denial or afraid of his own feelings for you.

You see, men tend to frame themselves as being in control of their lives and having it all figured out, so you might find yourself actually starting to believe him.

(Especially when they’re so convincing because they’ve deluded themselves into it too!)

But the truth is, emotionally unavailable men are no rarity and when it comes to his own feelings, it can be especially difficult for him to know where his heart truly lies.

So he fights his feelings instead.

I would know.

Because when Karolina and I started dating, I was saying the typical things men say:

  • “I’m not sure what I’m looking for.“
  • “I don’t know if I want to commit to anything.“
  • “I don’t know if I felt the same way you do.“

But the fact of the matter was, I was fighting my feelings and clearly falling head over heels for her WITHOUT even realizing it!

I would give her signs that I’m not that interested, but would then make sure we met regularly or were attending the same social events.

I would make kind gestures that a man wouldn’t do if you were “just friends”.

You may be in similar circumstances where his words and behavior leave you increasingly CONFUSED.

So let’s get into whether he is hiding his feelings or if he is simply not interested. And talk about how guys express their feelings in hidden ways!

This will finally give you the clarity you need.

Signs He Is Fighting His Feelings for You

So how do you tell if a man is fighting his feelings for you?

The following list will help you notice the signs you’ll need to keep an eye out for.

Not all of them need to fit!

And you’ll likely experience some more than others.

1. He Is Nervous or Awkward Around You

When he’s fighting his feelings for you, his inner conflict is bound to reflect on the OUTSIDE.

Watch him to see if he is unusually out of character when you’re around him.

So much so, he might lose his cool and stumble on a few words.

Or he will say something a little awkward in an effort to bridge the silence and pretend that the delightful tension isn’t building between the two of you.

2. He Secretly Looks at You

Did you just catch him sneaking a peek at you?

Yes, you did.

One of the tell-tale signs of a guy fighting his feelings for you is him repeatedly looking at you.

This may range from an innocent glance in your direction, to a full body seriously-checks-you-out scan.

Manners, please.

3. He Plays Distant and Cool

When you’re hanging out and talking, and he responds to you, with this kind of stuff:

  • “Oh yeah, whatever.”
  • “I don’t really care.”
  • “Suits me fine.”
  • “I’m good either way.”

Don’t buy it.

This game of him being distant and aloof is just another way he tries to stay in control and fight his feelings for you.

Because when he is around you, his emotions are all over the show, and he can’t tell where up or down is anymore.

So, best just play it off like he is happy either way and doesn’t mind what you choose.

When he definitely does care and wants to be around you.

Consider giving him a taste of his own medicine and make him desperately want you in sneaky ways…

Maybe that’ll finally help him admit that he is clearly fighting his feelings for you.

4. He Gives You Mixed Messages

Karolina would often tell me that I used to give her endless mixed messages.

I was all, “Oh, I’m not really interested in anything serious. I just want to have fun and be free to do what I want.”

Followed by “Do you have plans for tomorrow?” “I’ve got an idea for your architecture project, do you need some help?”

In the same way, he will tell you one thing, but do another.

So closely watch what he DOES over what he says to know if he is fighting his feelings for you.

5. He Finds Excuses to Be Around You

Whether it’s a group event or just the two of you, a way to tell if a guy is slowly falling for you, is that he will use any excuse to be around you.

And at some point you’ll have to face the music and realize that it’s NOT a coincidence, he’s always there, hovering around like a second shadow.

With Karolina, I may have acted as though it just so happened that we kept being at the same social events…

But believe you me, I was always well aware if she was gonna be there or not.

So if you keep “coincidently” bumping into him, know that this is a way in which men often show their love without saying it.

And you can count it as a sign he is fighting his feelings for you.

6. He Plays Power Games With You

When a guy secretly likes a girl, he will often fight you playfully or argue with you over silly things.

Whether he finds creative ways for the two of you to “stumble” into the bushes, and you end up wrestling between the lush ferns.

Or he makes silly remarks to make you blush in front of your friends.

He’ll find (often questionable) ways of establishing he has power over you.

In these moments, feel free to increase the tingling tension between the two of you, by shooting a challenge back at him.

He’ll like that.

7. He Makes Kind and Thoughtful Gestures

Now, it’s not all bad when he is giving you signs of fighting his feelings for you.

There’s also a lot of gentle and kind things he will do or say as well.

Sometimes he might cross the city to bring you the scarf you forgot at last night’s party.

And shrug it off, as though he would do it for anyone. “Ah, don’t mention it.”

Or he will help hook you up with a contact of his to help with that project or job hunt of yours.

Gestures like these (that he will likely try to write off as “What are friends for?”) are clear signs of true love from a man.

8. He Talks About You to His Friends

If you have mutual friends, you’ll likely catch wind of how he mentions you to his friends.

He’ll find excuses to talk about how you know this, you can do that, you said this the other day and hopefully followed by how amazingly intelligent and gorgeous you are.

So much, so they might get annoyed at him for talking about that one girl AGAIN.

“Just ask her out already!”

This is a weird way in which men fight their feelings for their crush and go about telling everybody except the person they should be sharing this with, you!

If you do have a friend on the inside, be sure to ask them about this one sign.

9. He Is Protective of You

If you ever experienced that feeling of somebody strong looking out for you, where you feel protected and safe…

Then you’ll easily catch this sign.

Even though you’re not together yet, he will be giving you these protective vibes.

It’s often unspoken.

But everything about his body language, what he does and what he says will convey that he is looking out for you and your well-being.

At times maybe a little too much, but in a cute way…

Like that dangerous plastic bag threatening to fly into your face? He has already pinned it to the ground.

The other men at the bar flirting with you? He has already evaluated them as unworthy of you.

So if he’s assigned himself your personal bodyguard, count another sign that he is fighting his feelings for you.

10. He Tries to Make You Jealous

If you’ve ever wondered how guys show they care, then jealousy is one of the less elegant ways in which he will demonstrate that to you.

He is too afraid to directly admit that he has feelings for you, so he will find ways to make you wonder whether there is another woman in his life to invoke jealousy.

This is an admittedly rather lousy attempt at trying to get a reaction out of you and feel like he has some control.

Think of it as an ‘adult’ equivalent of boys pushing the girl they like in the sandpit to get her attention.

Either way, not particularly charming, but a sign nonetheless.

11. He Won’t Acknowledge it’s ‘a Date’

No matter how obvious it is, when he is fighting his feelings for you, he will resist acknowledging you’re on a date.

It’s the elephant in the room that he pretends doesn’t exist.

And if you hint that spending time together like this, might mean something more…

He’ll likely play it down as “Just hanging out.” or “Having a good time with a friend.”

Don’t let him bypass you this way.

If it’s the two of you ALONE for more than one occasion, there are more emotions he is feeling that he’s not sharing.

And if you happen to be childhood friends, he will definitely try to write your time off as nothing more than ‘friends’.

12. He Is Genuinely Curious About You

You know those moments when someone just hones in on you and the world around you seems to blur and slow down?

If you’re having these moments with him, then he is definitely REALLY into you.

He’ll ask you genuine and deep questions.

Some might be intellectually stimulating and interesting, while others might cause a nervous but pleasant flutter in your stomach.

Also consider that he might be drawn to you without even realizing it himself.

But when a guy shows this kind of curiosity towards you, definitely take it as a sign that he is fighting his emotions for you.

13. He Tries to Impress You

A cliché as old as time.

Yes, he will try to impress you. Just like the wild, crazy birds you’ve seen in nature documentaries.

He’ll dance and prance, talk and squawk and stare with deep care…

Okay fine. Maybe not in a literal sense, but you get the idea!

Whether he is trying to impress you with his knowledge base in a particular field or a skill he is eager to show off.

This is again something men do when they have feelings for you, but are fighting them.

14. He Engages With You on Social Media

Sometimes it’s easier for men to express their emotions from a safe distance with social media.

Is he proactive and likes or comments on your posts?

Or maybe he’s in fight-or-flight mode and only views them and dares a “LOL” when you share a funny meme with him.

Either way, if he is continuously engaging with you online (social media or text), consider him interested in you!

15. He Avoids Talking About His Feelings for You

We’ve covered many signs already, but this one is likely to be one of the biggest he will fight.

Because a lot of the other signs are indirect, so he risks less!

But him actually acknowledging, let alone talking about his feelings for you, is likely way too vulnerable and risky for him.

So he will avoid it at all costs. Especially at the beginning.

Once you’re over the initial hurdle and are officially together, he will be likelier to admit he had feelings for you all along.

16. Your Shared Chemistry Is Obvious

Now, despite all of his denial, the spark between the two of you will be obvious.

When you guys are together, something is… different.

There’s a slight electricity in the air, and an undercurrent to everything you’re saying.

Almost as though the words don’t matter and the exchange you’re having is an open secret about how you’re both crazy into each other.

If your chemistry feels anything like that, and he is not acknowledging it. Then he is definitely fighting his feelings for you.

17. He Wants You, but Isn’t Committing

This sign is another one that is full of contradictions.

He’ll sabotage your efforts to be with someone else and make sure you guys somehow “randomly” end up spending time together.

He isn’t directly asking you out on a date, or for you to be his girlfriend.

No, he’s keeping things vague, ambiguous and downplaying anything that might give your clearly-special relationship meaning.

If he is doing this with you, DON’T tolerate it forever.

You don’t want to feel like you’re in a one-sided relationship, after all.

Feel free to call him out and tell him he is clearly fighting his feelings for you and you guys should just finally go on an official date!

Summary of Signs He Is Fighting His Feelings for You

For your convenience, here’s a collection of the indicators we just covered.

So be sure to look out for these signs to know whether he’s fighting his feelings for you:

1. He Is Nervous or Awkward Around You
2. He Secretly Looks at You
3. He Plays Distant and Cool
4. He Gives You Mixed Messages
5. He Finds Excuses to Be Around You
6. He Plays Power Games With You
7. He Makes Kind and Thoughtful Gestures
8. He Talks About You to His Friends
9. He Is Protective of You
10. He Tries to Make You Jealous
11. He Won’t Acknowledge it’s ‘a Date’
12. He Is Genuinely Curious About You
13. He Tries to Impress You
14. He Engages With You on Social Media
15. He Avoids Talking About His Feelings for You
16. Your Shared Chemistry Is Obvious
17. He Wants You, but Isn’t Committing

And that covers it! You’re well-prepared and know which signs to watch out for.

If you’d like any additional help with your dating life and finally getting him to admit his feelings for you, then definitely check out our one-on-one Coaching Calls.In a coaching call, we’ll give you tailored advice for your exact circumstances to make sure everything goes according to plan, and you can secure a date with Mr. ‘I’m-definitely-not-fighting-my-feelings.’

Both Karolina and I have extensive experience in the dating world and helping our clients navigate the often treacherous terrain.

So book a call with us here and you’ll have the ear and eyes of an expert in your corner!

And if you have further questions, maybe this post will give you more answers: How Long Should the Talking Stage Last Before Dating?

And maybe, since it’s probably overdue and equally important: How to Get Him to Finally Ask You Out.

I hope you found this post helpful and as always, if you have any questions, leave them below, and I’ll get back to you.

See you next time.


Gabriel Brenner