When your husband keeps conveying that he doesn’t want you sexually it can really sting.
If it’s been happening over a longer period, it might even lead to you doubting yourself and wondering WHY he’s no longer attracted to you and doesn’t want you.
And since sex is a way of intimately connecting with your partner in a marriage or any romantic relationship for that matter…
…the absence of it can make you feel alone.
In short, it can be a really disheartening situation that leads to you feeling increasingly DISCONNECTED from your man.
So let’s talk about what we can do to CHANGE your situation!
Remove Any Self Blame and Guilt That You Feel
The step I recommend first, is to reduce the critical voices in your head.
Unfortunately when things don’t go our way in relationships, our first instinct is often to simply blame ourselves:
- “Clearly I’m just flawed.”
- “Of course nobody wants me, I’m inherently broken.”
- “No wonder he doesn’t feel attracted to me.”
But these kinds of voices are unhelpful and also utterly inaccurate!
Things are NEVER that simple.
Sure your actions affect your relationship, but to say it’s all on you and that your husband not wanting you sexually is somehow ALL your fault is just total nonsense.
So the first step in changing your situation is to understand that your man has reasons of his own for not wanting sex that exist separately from you!
It’s best to try and think of it this way because you’ll feel better and it’ll put you in a good position to actually create the change you want.
So try not to get caught up in doubt and uncertainty which only fuel the problem.
The Real Reasons Your Husband Doesn’t Want to Have Sex
Before we talk about what to do about the problem, it’s helpful to first explore the likely reasons why he doesn’t desire you sexually:
1. There Are External Factors Affecting Your Relationship
Karolina and I have faced many hardships that put our relationship to the test and many of them were caused by EXTERNAL factors.
Sometimes it was the stress at our jobs, other times holiday events or even our own families.
Nobody is immune to these things and that includes your husband and your relationship…
Too many stressful external factors can kill your mans sex drive.
2. He’s Intimidated by You and Is Afraid of Intimacy
I can confirm that men feel an incredible pressure to have it all ‘figured out’ in the bedroom.
So much so, it MOSTLY backfires.
Your husband might get so caught up in wanting to prove his sexual prowess that to him it’s either total control in bed or no sex at all!
This means he’s easily intimidated by you and will not risk showing you anything that is potentially VULNERABLE.
So to be on the safe side, he withdraws and doesn’t want you sexually.
3. The Attraction in Your Relationship Has Faded
If you are months or years into your marriage, you may have noticed the chemistry with your husband fading…
This is very common and true of long-term relationships in general.
It’s not something that happens from one day onto the next. It generally creeps up on you so slowly, you don’t see it at first.
Then one day you realize that the attraction in your relationship is just not what it used to be.
This is often a big contributor to his reduced desire for sexual intimacy.
4. He Has Secret Fantasies He Doesn’t Know How to Share
All men have secret fantasies that they don’t share with their wives.
They’re often ashamed of them and don’t dare talk about them.
Whatever your man’s kinks may be, if he doesn’t dare express and experience them with you, it can make him reluctant and result in him not wanting you sexually.
5. He Might Be Having an Affair
I know this is a tough one to talk about, but I can’t spare you from it, since it is sometimes an unfortunate reality of relationships.
When a man becomes sexually reclusive and disinterested, it MIGHT be an indicator that he’s channeling his drives elsewhere.
This is certainly the most painful potential reason he doesn’t want you sexually, but it too, can be addressed.
I’ve known men who cheated and can assure you, this behavior doesn’t come out of nowhere, it stems from serious underlying issues of his own.
What to Do to Get Through to Your Husband Sexually
So now that you’ve got a better understanding about the possible reasons he’s no longer craving you sexually…
Let’s talk about what you can do about it!
1. Don’t Chase Him For Sex
Chasing your husband for sex is likely going to make him even more resistant to it.
The reason is simple: Whatever is keeping him from wanting to be sexual will not go away until it is figured out.
What’s more, if you’re making a lot of effort to seduce him and he still keeps rejecting you, it can further hurt your self esteem.
So DON’T let him do that to you.
2. You Definitely Need to Talk About It
This is the best and safest way to get through to him.
Talking about sex with your husband is something you’ve either done before, or maybe it’s totally new territory for you.
Either way, communicating how you feel about the current situation of your sex life is the crucial first-step to resolving it.
You can tell him how him not wanting you sexually is making you feel.
At the same time, do what you can to uncover where HIS RELUCTANCE stems from.
3. Do Not Make the Mistake of Believing It’s About Technique
I can’t tell you how many women Karolina and I have spoken to who’ve fallen into the trap of believing they need to master ‘That secret sexual technique’ to seduce and secure their man.
Yes, technique and skill will arouse men.
But if it’s his sexual desire and loyalty you’re after, then you need to toss all of that out the window for now and be able to actually CONNECT with him.
Because the best way to truly conquer a man’s heart is… yup, through his HEART!
4. Get Through to Him Emotionally to Get Through to Him Sexually
So the real reason your husband is closed off towards you sexually is a matter of the heart – not the dick.
Although the latter might seem like the obvious thing to address to fix the sex problem, it is unfortunately unlikely to work.
Because what truly CONTROLS HIS DESIRES is his HEART.
And if you conquer his heart, you’ve conquered his body.
If you to think about the best sex you ever had with your husband for a moment…
No matter what it might have looked like on the outside (slow and sensual or wild and passionate). I bet the BEST sex you ever had with him was when you felt the most CONNECTED to him and his heart.
That’s what makes intimacy in relationships special, it’s when we feel close and safe…
If you feel like you could do with a little help with getting through to your husband and deeply connecting with him again, have a look at our Rebuild Your Relationship course.
In it you’ll learn all the real reasons why men withdraw and isolate themselves and also the step by step guides needed for you to tear down his seemingly impenetrable brick wall and finally reignite the spark between the two of you.
So that he’ll finally desperately crave to connect with you sexually again.
If I’ve missed something and you still have any questions, drop them down in the comments section and I’ll get back to you!
I’ll see you next time.
- Do Emotionally Unavailable Men Miss You - 24. January, 2022
- He Gets Defensive When I Tell Him How I Feel – How to Get Through - 5. July, 2021
- Why Do I Need Constant Reassurance in a Relationship - 23. June, 2021