How can you know if no contact rule is working? Navigating a breakup can feel like an emotional rollercoaster:
One day you might be fairly confident that everything is fine, that you still have a shot with your ex, and you just need to continue doing what you’re doing.
Only, to have them say or post something so hurtful, it makes your stomach sink, and you suddenly feel like all hope is gone.
Or maybe you’ve been applying the no contact rule for a long time, and you’re wondering: “Does my ex even miss me? And if so, why haven’t they reached out to me yet!?”
There are a lot of myths and misconceptions when it comes to getting your ex to want you back with the help of the no contact rule.
I know that a lot of you guys hope that by applying it, you’ll get your ex to open their eyes and finally see what they’re about to lose.
That it’ll motivate them to reconsider the breakup or even apologize.
Unfortunately, it never works this way.
No contact alone is not enough to change your ex’s mind. However, it can send them a powerful message that they will respond to accordingly.
In this article, I want to help adjust your expectations, so that you’re not just stuck waiting for something that will never happen.
I’ll also help you notice when an opportunity presents itself and there is room for you to make a move and win your ex’s heart again.
5 Signs the No Contact Rule Is Working and What to Do
Before jumping into the specific signs, I want to share a bit of my story with you guys.
My husband and I actually broke up and got back together THREE times in the first years of our relationship.
During those periods when we were apart, he would often say or post things that made me feel like “This must be it, he is clearly over me.”
When in reality, he was reaching out to me because he missed me.
The fundamental message I want to convey to you guys is that things are not going to be as good as you want them to be.
Your ex is not going to suddenly turn up at your doorstep, begging you to take them back just because you didn’t contact them for a while.
But they will start sending you subtle messages to signal that they’re ready for you to make the next move.
It’s important that you don’t overlook those signs and end up waiting indefinitely for something that has no chance of happening.
These are five things to look out for when applying no contact rule:
1. Your Ex Reaches Out to You
One of the clearest signs that no contact rule is working is when your ex reaches out to you.
It doesn’t matter if they come up with an excuse to contact you for a seemingly pragmatic reason, they just start a small talk or even ask to arrange to come pick up some of their things.
(I know that this might sound crazy, but I’ve had quite a few coaching clients whose exes came to pick up their things but ended up having heartfelt conversations or even staying the night.)
Them reaching out means that they’re ready to resume contact.
From now on they’ll be testing you. Checking if you’ve changed and if you still care about them.
This is why you need to end no contact then and there and shift your focus to winning back their trust.
2. Your Ex Is Reacting to Your Social Media Posts
Another common way to know that the no contact rule is working is if your ex keeps on reacting to your social media posts.
Make no mistake, they’re doing it for a reason! They’re indirectly reaching out to you, by engaging with your content.
If this has been happening for a while, know that it’s a sign your ex might be too shy or unsure to do more.
This might be their only way of letting you know that they’re waiting for you to make the next move.
3. Your Ex Is Trying to Get Your Attention
Another common sign that the no contact rule is working is when your ex posts something that’s meant to get your attention.
To outsiders, it might look like any other social media post.
However, you’ll feel that this one is for you.
It might be something related to your shared interest or an activity you did together. They might also just post a sad quote or a love song.
If this happens, know that you’re not imagining it. Your ex is well aware that you’ll see their post!
What’s more, they’re posing it to provoke a reaction from you!
Maybe they’re still hurting after the breakup, or they’re just hoping that you’ll read between the lines and understand their hidden message.
Either way, when this happens, know that no contact has run its course, and it’s time to make the next move by reaching out to them first.
4. Your Ex Is Trying to Make You Jealous
Another common sign that no contact is working is when your ex posts something that makes you feel jealous.
It might be a photo of them going out, partying with friends, or something even more provocative than this.
Make no mistake, it doesn’t mean that they’re having fun and are over you.
They intended for you to see this.
They might have even made these posts just to get back at you for doing no contact for so long.
Your ex might be pretending to be over you, just to get you to give in and finally reach out to them first.
5. Your Ex Wants to Be Friends
Last but not least, another typical sign that the no contact rule is working is when your ex reaches out just to tell you, they want to be ‘just friends’ now.
All of our coaching clients are terrified of being friend-zoned by their exes. However, there is no real danger of it ever happening.
Attraction between people doesn’t ever go away.
If you just roll with it, sooner rather than later, they’ll want more from you.
How Long Does the No Contact Rule Take To Work
Typically, you can see the results of the no contact rule as soon as after a few days of doing it.
In some, more difficult cases, it might take a week or two for your ex to start sending you subtle signs that they’re ready to get back in touch
However, if it’s been a month or longer since you last spoke with your ex and none of the above-mentioned signs fits with your case…
Then most likely the no contact rule is not working for you and there is no point doing it any longer.
What to Do if No Contact Is Not Working
The no contact rule doesn’t work when both parties are stuck waiting for the other to make the next move.
This is why it’s not always the right approach. So much so, for some couples, it can even do more damage than good.
This is particularly true when you’re loving someone with an avoidant attachment.
Unfortunately, if your ex is defensive or stubborn, they will not change their tone without you coming their way first.
If you need help making this happen, I can support you with it in a coaching call.
Here, I’ll listen to your story and evaluate if no contact is working for you or not.
I’ll also give you tips on how to come your ex’s way, so that they’ll open up to you again and reconsider the breakup.
And if the above-mentioned signs fit, and it’s time for you to make the next move, here is: What to Text Your Ex After No Contact – 5 Examples With Explanations
Thank you for reading! If you have any questions or are unsure about any of the above-mentioned signs, leave me a comment, and I’ll get back to you.
- 5 Reasons Why Men Go Silent in Relationships and How to Get Them to Talk - 1. December, 2022
- How to Write Your Ex a Closure Letter That Will Impact Them - 24. November, 2022
- How to Communicate With a Man Who Won’t Communicate - 20. November, 2022