Photo by Mikhail Nilov

Wondering what to text your ex after no contact?

It’s never easy to break the silence after having some space and distance from each other. Plus, it’s vulnerable to have to be the one who makes the first move!

Maybe you’re worried it’s still too soon, or you’re questioning if you should even be the one to reach out to them at all.

On one hand, you probably don’t want to sabotage your chances by being needy and chasing your ex.

But on the other hand, you can sense that the clock is ticking and that the distance between the two just keeps on growing.

In this article you’ll find a complete guide, not only on what to text your ex after no contact, but also on when and how to start talking to them to reconnect and rekindle their interest.

Should I Write to My Ex After No Contact

Before giving you the examples of text you can send to your ex after no contact, I want to first answer a question a lot of you guys keep on asking:

Should you even reach out to your ex after no contact?

Or is it them, who needs to contact you first?

There is no one right answer here.

There are cases where you absolutely should reach out to your ex after no contact.

And other cases when, you really shouldn’t!

Generally speaking, if you’ve been chasing your ex a lot, had a hard time giving them space, you’ve been begging or convincing them to change their mind etc, then it’s probably better if you wait for them to reach out to you first.

But if you’ve played your cards close to your chest, stayed distant and guarded or if your ex was really upset during the break up, these are all situations where you should write to your ex after no contact.

What to Text Your Ex After No Contact

Now that you know if you should reach out to your ex or not, we can jump into the concrete examples of messages you can send to reconnect with them.

What to text to break the silence, depends on the circumstances on which you guys parted ways.

I’ll cover all the most common scenarios here, when to use which text and why.

1. If You’ve Been Waiting to Hear From Your Ex for Weeks

One of the most common situations why people decide to go no contact with their ex, is to get them to show you that they care and chase you for a change.

This approach works sometimes but a lot of the time, it doesn’t do anything.

This happens when you’re both stuck being distant and stubborn, waiting for the other to make the first move.

It’s a standoff that can go on for weeks or months, where nothing changes and you’re only gradually growing apart.

So if a long time passed and you still haven’t heard from your ex, you likely can feel that the connection between you is fading.

When this is the case, then yes, you definitely should write to your ex.

There is no point waiting any longer.

Either you reach out and try to reconnect now, or you might as well give up and move on.

This is an example of what you can send to your ex after a long period of no contact:

“I was honestly hoping I would have heard from you by now. Since I didn’t, I’m gonna be the one to break the ice. How have you been?”

This text is particularly suitable for couples with a balanced power dynamic. Or when you were the one who was rejecting your ex.

By acknowledging that you were waiting for them to text you, you’re giving them a little win and explaining your distance.

It will make them less defensive and they’ll be more likely to reply to you.

2. If Your Ex Asked for Space

The second common scenario of when people go no contact is when their ex asks for space after the breakup.

When this happens some of you tend to get impatient and have a hard time respecting this request.

Maybe you’re tempted to look for excuses to reach out.

Or you just straight up want to try to convince your ex that they’re wrong and should reconsider their decision.

Both of these approaches are a BIG no no.

When someone asks for space you have to give it to them, otherwise they’ll only pull away more.

But you don’t have to wait indefinitely.

After two weeks or more of no contact, you can text your ex to check in and see if they still need space, or if they’re somewhat ready to talk.

You can then send them a following message:

“Hey, just wanted to check in. Genuine question: have you had enough space yet, or do you still need more?”

By asking your ex this you’ll be showing them that you changed, that you now respect their boundaries and needs.

It’s far more powerful than any apology letter!

You’re almost guaranteed a response and even if they say they still need space, it will make them need less of it.

3. If You Needed Space Yourself

Breakups are painful, especially when you’re the one who gets dumped. This is why some of you guys need space to cool off and recover afterwards.

This was actually the case for me, when I got broken up with for the third time by the very same guy who runs this blog with me today (yes, we got back together and even got married)

I was angry and at my limit. I needed time before I was ready to talk to him again.

So I told him I needed space and didn’t contact him for a few weeks.

If this was the case for you, you too needed time to cool off after the breakup and went no contact with your ex, this is what you can text them to reconnect:

“Hey, I was really angry and hurt after our breakup. That’s why I was keeping my distance. But I’ve cooled off now. How about you?”

With this text you’ll be letting them know why you’ve been silent for so long and also playfully asking if they are angry with you too.

Being honest with them this way, will melt their heart and dissipate their anger.

This gives you good chances that they’ll actually reply and start a conversation with you.

4. If You’re Still Using Services They Pay For

So many of the services we use on a daily basis nowadays are subscriptions.

Whether it’s Spotify, Netflix, gym membership etc, couples often share their accounts out of convenience.

That’s why, when they break up, people often end up using services that their ex is still paying for.

If you’re in this situation and you’re looking for what to text your ex after no contact, consider sending them this:

“Hi, I’m still using your Netflix subscription. Are you cool with it, or would you prefer if I got my own?”

It is an easy and neutral conversation starter.

It gives you a great excuse as to why you’re reaching out to them. And if you play your cards right, it can result in a longer conversation.

The key here is to OFFER them something, rather than NEED something from your ex.

This kind of gesture is bound to make a good impression and they will most likely let you use their subscription anyway.

5. When the Connection Between You Is Fading

Doing no contact for a very long time (two months or more), can gradually lead to both of you growing apart. When this happens, there is really no point waiting.

Restarting the conversation after a long break needs to happen very slowly and gradually.

You really can’t know where your ex is and how they feel about you.

This is why, the best text to send your ex after a long time of not being in touch is a simple:

“Hey! How are things?”

It’s a very neutral and safe message, something a friend would text them.

With this kind of text, you can test where your ex is at and use that information to reconnect with them a little.

What to Do When Your Ex Doesn’t Respond

One of the biggest fears that make a lot of our coaching clients endlessly postpone texting their ex after no contact is:

What if they don’t even write anything back?”.

Yes, texting your ex first after no contact is a risk.

They might not reply to you at all.

This is why it’s important that you really evaluate your situation and choose the text that can maximise your chances of getting through to them.

Still, if you’re only met with silence, keep in mind, no response to your text after no contact, is in fact a response.

There is no point staying stuck in uncertainty, overthinking and hoping for things that might never happen!

As hard as it might be to come to terms with where your ex is truly at, you’ll have to do it sooner or later.

Plus, the longer you wait, the more you drift apart and the slimmer your chances of getting back together become.

How Do You Start Talking To Your Ex After No Contact?

Now that you know the examples of messages you could send to your ex and the biggest risk of reaching out to them, I want to explain more how the process of successfully reconnecting after no contact actually looks like.

A lot of people make the mistake of trying to jump the gun here.

After reaching out they almost immediately start telling their ex that they fixed the issues they complained about, hoping that they can then convince them to get back together right away.

Unfortunately, approaching your ex this way will only end in further rejection.

Reconnecting after no contact is a GRADUAL and a SLOW process.

It takes time to rebuilding trust in a relationship.

Your aim here should be to go from no contact, to occasional contact, to texting regularly, then meeting once, meeting again etc.

Once you’ve reestablished communication and are seeing each other on a regular basis, only then will your ex even consider thinking about potentially getting back together with you!

If you need more help navigating this tricky process, I can guide you through this in a coaching call.

SimplyTogether Coaching Calls

Here you can tell me your exact situation and together we’ll formulate a perfect text to send to your ex after no contact.

I’ll also give you tips on how to approach them, to make them want you again.

Click Here to Check Out Ex Back Coaching

Doing no contact with your ex is always tough! Maybe you’re worried they don’t care about you anymore.

My husband’s post can help you know for sure if your ex still has feelings for you or not:

Is Your Ex Pretending to Be Over You? 7 Signs They Are!

Thank you for reading! If you have any questions, leave me a comment and I’ll get back to you.


Karolina Bartnik