Cut Him Off, He Will Miss You, or Will He Just Move On?

Cut Him Off, He Will Miss You, or Will He Just Move On?

Photo by Judeus Samson

When a guy you care about breaks up with you or is taking you for granted, cutting him off might feel like the only move you have left to make him realize your value and get him to miss you.

At the same time, maybe you’re hesitant to let go of him because of what might happen if it doesn’t work.

What if he doesn’t come back…?

I know exactly how it feels to be stuck in this very tricky position, because I’ve been there myself.

My now-husband, who runs this blog with me, broke up with me three times in the first two years of our relationship.

The third time he did it, I was devastated, but I was also at my LIMIT.

Yes, I wanted him back, but I was also so hurt, I didn’t want to see or talk to him.

I didn’t actually cut him off completely back then, but I did limit our contact a lot.

Back then, I wasn’t following any strict plan or rules. I was simply listening to myself and setting boundaries that felt right to me.

Me doing all that is what made us get back together in about a month.

Since then, I’ve helped many other women get their ex back.

Also, so many of you guys shared your stories with me, and that’s how I’ve learned that the no contact rule can seriously backfire.

When done right, cutting him off will make him miss you.

If done wrong, it will only push him further away and make him move on faster.

In this post, I will explain the subtle differences between these two approaches. I’ll also give you tips on what to do to get him to want you back. (Without messing up your chances.)

When You Walk Away From a Man, He Will Come Back

The reason why cutting him off can make him miss you, is because you have to get your ex to experience losing you in order for him to realize your true value to him.

As long as he feels safe and secure that he can always have you back, no matter what, the true impact of the breakup will never hit him!

He will also have no reason to fight for you and try to win you over again.

That’s why you need to walk away from him, at least to some degree, to get him to come back to you.

Like I mentioned before, there are two ways of going about this.

Cutting him off the right way will make him miss you when you’re gone.

Doing no-contact the wrong way will only make him move on faster.

How NOT to Cut Him Off

There is a pattern I observed on how women react to being broken up with.

First they are chasing their ex, trying to prove how much they care and how special the relationship was with apologies, writing letters etc.

But when all their efforts remain fruitless, they inevitably burn out.

And then they cut him off as a last attempt at getting him to want them again.

Unfortunately, there are two big mistakes here, that a lot of women make when doing no-contact that only motivate men to pull away more and start looking for a new relationship.

Cutting Him off Without Warning or Explanation Will Only Create More Damage

The first big mistake is: suddenly going no contact without any warning or explanation.

You’re not communicating anything to your ex, you just stop responding or even ghost him.

The thing about treating someone this way is that it’s a huge breach of trust.

It only breaks things and creates more problems, often in an already struggling relationship, that’s hanging by a thread.

In his head, your ex thinks that you still care about him, at least to some degree. When you cut him off this way, it communicates that you don’t anymore.

Men do not respond well to this kind of rejection.

He’ll think to himself:

I was right to break up. If she doesn’t care about me anymore, I’m going to go and find somebody else who will”.

When You Cut Him off Completely, You Give Up All Control Over the Situation

The second big mistake women make when cutting off their ex is that they completely stop all communication.

Ironically, a lot of dating and relationship experts recommend that you do full no-contact for a set period of time.

I disagree with this approach.

The problem with it, is that cutting him off completely means giving up all control of what he is doing and whom he is seeing.

Yes, theoretically if you’re broken up, you can’t prevent your ex from dating other women anyway.

But breakups are messy and most of the time men don’t know what they are really doing.

Your ex might start doing things just to provoke you. However, if you’re in full no contact mode, you won’t be able to respond to it in any way.

On top of it all, he will read your behavior as you not being interested in him anymore, and take it as a cue for him to truly leave you and try to move on.

How to Cut Him off to Make Him Miss You

Now that you know the biggest pitfalls no-contact can lead to, let’s finally discuss how to do it in a way that will get you the results you’re hoping for.

Two extremely important things to do when cutting him off are: telling him why you’re doing it, and also leaving some sort of open communication channel.

When Gabriel broke up with me for the third time, he actually wanted to meet up on the next day. Back then, I was just way too angry and hurt to want to see him. So I told him I needed space.

I made it very clear why I was cutting him off and that he can still reach me, if he needs to.

He knew I still cared about him, but I was just upset.

Me communicating that totally changed the power dynamic between us, he felt bad and became apologetic.

After that exchange, we barely talked for a few weeks.

We had an open communication channel. He reached out to me a few times to check in, talk briefly, clarify things etc.

It didn’t make him change his mind about the breakup right away.

Cutting him off didn’t have an immediate effect. In fact, it rarely does.

BUT, today when we talk about it, he agrees that had I cut off all contact, he might have just moved on because he wouldn’t have had the chance to realize he missed me.

This brings me to my next point…

How Long Does It Take a Guy to Realize He Misses You

Guys can be very stubborn. Once they decide they want to break up, they tend to stick with it, at least for a few weeks.

Much like you’ll go through certain phases after a breakup, so will he.

Initially, he is going to be happy with his newfound freedom. At the same time, he’ll also start missing you, the moment he realizes that you’re gone.

He might even start sending you subtle cues that he is waiting for you to get you back.

But whatever his reasons for breaking up were, they are going to outweigh the benefits of having you in his life. At least in the beginning.

That’s why you can expect him to remain distant and guarded in that first stage after the breakup.

This is particularly true if you know your ex to be emotionally unavailable.

Different people need a different amount of time to snap out of this stubborn frame of mind.

But judging from my coaching experience, it generally takes two weeks up to a month after the breakup for an ex to realize he misses you so much, he’ll want to start getting back in touch on a regular basis.

However, this period of time can be much longer if you guys have been together for a couple of years and the breakup happened because you were fighting too much, or due to some other serious relationship issues.

Generally speaking, the bigger the problem, the longer it will take for your ex to let his guard down and start showing you that he still cares.

Additionally, in most cases, cutting him off is NOT going to be enough to get him to come back to you and want to commit to you again.

Getting Him to Want You Back After Cutting Him Off

I know that a lot of you guys hope that doing no-contact will be all that’s needed for your ex to have this sudden realization he made a terrible mistake, do a complete 180, apologize and beg you to take him back.

I get it, I felt the exact same way after our breakups.

It’s hard to deal with being rejected. It’s only natural that you’d want him to take it all back and admit that he was wrong.

Sometimes it doesn’t happen this way, but unfortunately they are very rare.

In most cases, getting your ex back is not so much of a sudden event, but more of a gradual process.

On one hand, it will require you to set boundaries with him and cut him off from his boyfriend privileges.

But at the same time, you also have to reel him in to get him to come out of his stubborn shell.

If you feel lost and a bit hopeless about this whole situation, that’s actually something we could help you with in a coaching call.

Here, we will listen carefully and figure out what the best course of action is for your particular case.

We’ll then give you actionable tips on what to do and write to get your ex to not only miss you, but also to want to commit to you again.

So if you want an expert in your corner to support and guide you, you can click here to check out our coaching calls.

In case you want to know more about how Gabriel and I got back together, check out my other post: How I Got Him Back - 5 Ways to Make Your Ex Want You Again

And if you have any questions, leave me a comment, and I’ll get back to you!

Karolina

Signs He Knows He Hurt You – and Feels Guilty

Signs He Knows He Hurt You – and Feels Guilty

Photo by Anete Lusina

So he did something that really hurt you.

And this is not like the other times, where it was a small enough incident that you could forget it within the next hour.

No, this was really hurtful, thoughtless and maybe even cruel.

For some of you, it might have even led to a breakup, and he’s your ‘ex’ now.

And to make things worse, he’s not even giving you signs that he knows he hurt you.

Which means he’s hurting you with the incident itself and adding to it, by not acknowledging your pain.

He sure has some nerve…

And all of it might make you wonder:

  • Does he feel guilty for hurting you?
  • Is he hurting too?
  • How does a man feel after he hurts a woman?

And if so, what are the signs that he knows he hurt you?

In this post, we’re going to get to the bottom of it all!

We’ll put a stop to overthinking that’s got you turning in circles, by answering these questions from above.

And after going over the signs, we’ll also talk about what you can do to make him REALIZE that he hurt you and then REGRET IT.

What Are the Signs That Someone Feels Guilty for Hurting You

Before we cover the signs to look for, a word of warning:

Be careful not to fall for them too quickly!

Because he might be giving you the signs for an EFFECT and be trying to get on your good side without earning it.

So don’t let him do that right away!

Especially if it’s with your ex-boyfriend.

(And if you’re really unlucky, he’ll also have the tendencies of a player.)

I know it can be really hurtful to resist just getting back to the familiar and ‘make everything alright again’.

But if he hurt you this badly, he needs to learn a lesson and understand that there are consequences for his actions.

This is the only way he’ll ADMIT that he realizes he hurt you and is sorry.

Here are the 7 signs he’ll give you, so you can know that HE KNOWS that he hurt you and is feeling guilty about it:

1. He Texts and Calls More

How does a guilty man act, you ask?

Well, he’ll be sure to find excuses to text and call you more often and regularly than he has in the past:

  • “Oh, just wanted to see how you were doing.”
  • “I was wondering how that thing of yours went?”
  • “How was your day?”
  • “Did you see what happened in the news?”

Yes. He will put his best foot forward and give you all that attention you’ve been desperate for, because he knows he hurt you and feels guilty.

Consider this a first sign.

2. He Does Things for You

“Oh, I just happened to be in the neighborhood and happened to be at the hardware store and happened to remember that your sink was playing up, and happened to have all my gear with me… So I thought since I’m passing by, I might as well have a look at it and fix it for ya.”

Us men can be weird.

At times, we’re awful with words and emotionally unavailable, so we DO things for you instead to try and make it right when we’ve caused you pain.

So if your guy is unusually active and looking for excuses to help you out in some way, then yeah.

You’ve definitely got yourself a sign that he knows he hurt you.

3. He Comes Bearing Gifts

Another cliché that never stops giving.

“I didn’t want that kitchen table of yours looking all lonesome, and since it’s the season ‘n all, I figured I’d get you a bouquet of your favorite flowers to decorate, ya know?”

Watch out for these kinds of signs.

He’ll look for things he can buy you as an indirect, unspoken apology because he knows he really hurt you.

4. He Just Won’t Leave You Alone

Previously he was all about needing his space

But now, he’ll call, text and do things for you or give you gifts, just anything and everything to find excuses to NOT leave you alone.

So, he’s trying a form of combination of the first three signs we mentioned.

You can think of it as your (ex)boyfriend having zero aim and little understanding of what you truly need, but his heart’s in the right place…

That’s why he’ll load a truck full of all the good he can offer, come over to your place and overwhelm you with it all, hoping something will stick and make you forgive him, because he knows he caused you pain.

5. He’s (Hesitantly) Apologetic

As mentioned, men can have a tough time putting emotions into words.

It’s like he’s got a block of something stuck in his throat that only permits indecipherable grunts and limited facial expressions.

And he’ll be proudly proclaiming that he made his apology, when all you got was:

“I’ll admit that I could’ve done things a bit better.”

Depending on your guy, he’ll be okay at- or downright miserable with apologies.

Nevertheless, it’s how a person acts when they are guilty, so consider it another sign that he knows he hurt you.

6. He Gives You Puppy Eyes

You know that cute face he puts on when he wants something from you?

Yeah, that one.

Well, he’s gonna dial that absurdly irresistible adorableness to a whole different dimension so that you simply can’t resist him.

As previously mentioned, be weary of such cuteness-overload tactics and make sure he acknowledges his mistake and that he hurt you.

But him trying to win you over this way, is another sign that he knows he hurt you.

7. He Makes Promises to Change

When he feels like he’s on your good side again, he’ll likely make sweeping promises of all the things he will (or already has changed) and how everything will be different this time.

Again, if it’s your ex that hurt you, be careful and take things slowly.

Because as well intended and genuine as his promises may be, things don’t change so quickly in relationships.

But his promises are definitely another sign that he knows he hurt you.

So now we’ve covered all the signs with which he can (often indirectly) communicate that he understands and knows he messed up.

Here they are again:

  1. He Texts and Calls More
  2. He Does Things for You
  3. He Comes Bearing Gifts
  4. He Just Won’t Leave You Alone
  5. He’s (Hesitantly) Apologetic
  6. He Gives You Puppy Eyes
  7. He Makes Promises to Change

But what if he doesn’t give you these signs?

What if he’s so stuck up in his own ways, that he doesn’t even realize what he’s done?

Well, in that case you’ll unfortunately have to make him realize it.

How Do You Make Someone Realize They Hurt You

I’ll be honest with you, it’s not easy.

As we’ve previously covered, there are reasons why relationships are complicated.

And depending on his character, your (ex)boyfriend might have a really difficult time recognizing that he hurt you.

BUT, it is common in relationships!

Both Karolina and I know how hard it can be, because we’ve had our own struggles in realizing we hurt each other.

And we learned the hard way, that in order to make him realize he made a mistake, there are 2 things you need to do:

  1. Show him that you’re hurt
  2. Talk about why he doesn’t see he hurt you

Let’s cover both in more detail.

1. Show Him That You’re Hurt

Now, it may sound obvious, but we’ve seen too many cases of men hurting their partner, and she DOESN’T make it clear that she’s hurt.

Sometimes this is because she’s afraid of rocking the boat and escalating the conflict.

But other times it’s because she expects him to read between the lines and see the signs.

Either way, you’d be setting yourself up for disappointment.

Instead, show him and let him know that you’re hurt.

Wear it on your sleeve and DON’T make a secret of it.

And if that still isn’t enough to make him realize he hurt you (which admittedly is often the case), then we move to the next step.

2. Talk About Why He Doesn’t See That He Hurt You

If you’re not getting anywhere by showing him that you’re hurt, then it’s a sign that he’s BLIND to the fact that his behavior hurts you.

This is a very crucial point to understand.

Because if he can’t see that he’s causing you pain, by extension, he can’t give you the acknowledgement and apology you need.

You’re then stuck in scenarios where you’re endlessly chasing him for an apology that he CAN’T give you.

Much like with men who think they do nothing wrong.

So in order to change this, you first need to talk to him about why he doesn’t see that he hurt you.

Why is he blind to it?

You’ll need to have gentle conversations with him about it, and the reason he has difficulty realizing he hurt you is often because he’s blind to his own pain about similar issues.

He doesn’t really know or understand.

So be sure to take things slow and gain his trust, otherwise he’ll just throw up another wall.

Once you’ve had those conversations, he’ll be less blind to his own pain and in turn be able to realize that he hurt you.

How Do You Make a Guy Regret Hurting You

Some of you have asked how you can make a man feel bad for hurting you.

Well, once you’ve helped him be less blind to his own pain, he’ll finally see what he’s put you through and with that will come A LOT of regret.

He’ll see all the difficulty and pain he caused, and the fact that you stuck it through with him will also make him realize YOUR VALUE!

You can likely expect him to regret it for a long time, and he’ll keep bringing up moments from the past that he’s reframed and finally recognize them as painful moments he caused for you.

I’ll admit that some men can be a difficult case to crack, and their walls feel like concrete barricades that are impossible to penetrate.

And experiencing repeated rejection and ignoring from a guy like this can feel really discouraging.

But this is where 1 on 1 coaching could help you out.

In a coaching call, we’ll listen to you, to get a crystal clear picture of what your situation is with your man.

You’ll then get clear actionable steps to take, which will lead to him finally understanding the pain he caused you and give you an appropriate apology.

Which in turn will help you heal and find security in your relationship again.

If that sounds like the results you want, you can click here to check out our coaching calls.

We also have a post that you might find helpful for your situation that you can read here 4 Steps to Make Him Worry About Losing You.

Let me know if you have any questions in the comments section and I’ll get back to you!

Gabriel

7 Signs He Will Never Come Back – How to if Tell Your Ex Is Over You

7 Signs He Will Never Come Back – How to if Tell Your Ex Is Over You

Photo by JoelValve

There is really no point waiting for a guy who will never come back.

But at the same time, giving up and letting go of a relationship is extremely difficult…

It takes two people to fix a relationship after a breakup.

You can’t force someone to give you a second chance. You can’t make him see things your way, either.

As hard as it might be to accept this, sometimes it’s better to just cut your losses and move on.

But in order to be able to do that, you need to know for sure that your ex truly is over you.

You need to feel like you’re reading the signs correctly and making the right choice.

That you did everything you possibly could to fix things, but he made up his mind already, and that it was just not meant to be…

Here is a list of signs to help you know that he is over you and will most likely never come back:

1. He’s Blocked You on Everything

Blocking someone on social media and other messaging platforms is a very strong way of communicating that you don’t want to stay in touch with this person.

Unfortunately, it’s a sign that he is done with you guys and wants to move on.

If your ex did this to you, you’re likely very hurt. So much so, you might be questioning whether he really meant it.

“Why would he go to these lengths?! He didn’t have to do this… Is he just overreacting and will change his mind a couple of weeks further down the line?”

Regardless of his reasons for doing this, he is going to these lengths because he wants you to take the breakup seriously.

I know this might be hard to hear, but it’s a sign he is not intending on coming back.

It’s a whole other story if he just ghosted you, though.

Ghosting is suddenly cutting on contact without any warning or explanation.

It doesn’t necessarily include blocking someone on social media. It’s enough for him to just stop replying to your texts.

The purpose of this sad behavior is to actually leave a window of doubt so that he can then potentially get back in touch and restart the relationship as though the falling out never happened.

That’s why ghosters do often come back….

2. He Is Actively Avoiding You

Another strong indicator that your ex will most likely never come back is when he is doing everything in his power to avoid ever meeting you in person.

An example of this would be: him not showing up to parties with friends you two have in common, dropping off his keys in a mailbox, asking a friend to pick up his stuff for him, etc.

You might be wondering: “Why is he acting so silly?? If he was over me, he wouldn’t need to play these kinds of games…”

The thing is, him doing this is him letting you know he made up his mind already.

He wants to move on and is just making sure there are no more openings for you guys to slip into your old patterns.

I know this too is likely hard to hear, but a guy is actively avoiding you the whole time it’s because he wants to gradually distance himself from you.

Unfortunately, it’s another sign he is likely never going to come back.

3. He Picked up All His Stuff Already

Your ex keeping his things at your place after a break-up is a bit like him having an emotional guarantee. It likely comforts him to think that you guys still have something in common.

It’s as though a part of him is still with you…

It’s also a way of ensuring that he will have a reason to meet up with you at least once more. (In order to pick up all the stuff he is letting you keep for now.)

Unfortunately, the opposite is also true.

If your ex has been adamant about getting back all of his things already, know that he is serious about the breakup.

It’s his way of showing you that he doesn’t want or need any ties with you.

Unfortunately, it’s another sign that he is likely over you and is not planing on coming back.

4. He Avoids Any One-On-One Time

When two people are unsure about their decision to break up and still feel drawn to each other, they’ll seek out opportunities to be alone together and possibly feel closer again.

And on the contrary, when a guy is fully resolved that he is over you, he will try to make sure that nothing comes in the way of his decision.

Much like when it comes to him avoiding seeing you, one on one time has the potential to make him slip into old patterns. It can also just lead to awkward silence and painful distance.

So if your ex has been making sure you’re never alone together, know that he is likely doing it in order to avoid any uncomfortable situations.

It’s another sad sign that he lost his feelings for you and will likely never come back.

5. He Remains Distant and Guarded

This point and the previous one tend to go hand in hand.

If you’ve seen your ex recently, and he was acting extremely distant and guarded, know that he is likely very hurt.

So much so, he probably doesn’t trust you anymore, that’s why he put his walls up and is not intending on bringing them back down anymore.

The thing is, it takes two to rebuild trust in a relationship after it’s been broken.

If you’ve been trying to get your ex to open up, and it’s not having any effect; he just continues to stay distant and guarded no matter what, it might be because his mind is made up already.

It’s another sad sign that he is over you and doesn’t want to get back together.

A word of warning here, it could also be that your ex is emotionally unavailable.

Men with these character traits have a hard time showing their true feelings and letting you know where they are really at.

An emotionally unavailable man can act extremely distant and miss you at the same time!

6. You Feel Like He Became a Different Person

When two people are together, they have their ways of interacting with each other. This means giving each other cute nicknames, having insider jokes etc.

After a breakup, this kind of relating generally dies down. It rarely completely disappears, though.

But if your ex is a feels like a stranger and stays a stranger for a long time, know it’s a sign that he is not wanting to let you in anymore.

He likely lost his feelings for you and is now relating to you in a totally new way.

Unfortunately, it’s another sign that he is moving on and most likely will never come back.

7. You Haven’t Been in Touch for Months

When a couple breaks up, their feelings for one another don’t just vanish from one day onto the next.

It’s normal to pull away and take a break from each other.

One of you or both of you might be very hurt and angry, however, the connection you guys share deep down is still there.

Time heals all wounds, unfortunately it can gradually dissipate feelings too.

Maybe you even tried cutting him off in the hopes that it will make him miss you. But he just didn’t react to it at all.

As sad as it is, if your ex hasn’t reached out to you or replied to your text since at least 3 to 6 months, know it’s likely that he is over you and there simply is no point waiting for him anymore.

Him not reaching out or not responding to anything you write is in fact a response.

Think about it, if he hasn’t come back by now, he will likely never come back.

How Do You Tell if He’s Over You

Hope that after reading all these signs, you understand your situation better and know what the odds are for getting your ex to want you back.

Not every relationship is meant to be.

It takes two people to fix things, and if he made up his mind already, there is nothing you can do about it.

So if three or more of these signs fit your circumstances, know that there is really no point waiting for him.

Don’t let a guy endlessly reject you over and over again. It will only break your heart even more.

More importantly, you deciding to give up and move on might be the very thing that can get him to finally realize what he is losing.

My husband broke with me three times in the first years of our relationship, too.

Every one of those times, I actually took him seriously and tried to move on almost right away.

Ironically, this attitude is a big part of what got him to come back to me. If you’re interested, you can read more of our story here.

Moving on after a breakup is very difficult.

It’s hard to give up and let go of somebody you once cared for. It’s also hard to know if you’re doing the right thing.

Maybe deep down you’re still unsure and want to keep on fighting for him.

Or maybe you’ve had enough but feel guilty about moving on.

I can help you make sense of all this mess in a coaching call.

Here, I’ll share stories from my own experience, as well as what I’ve learned from our clients. Together we will then figure out what it is that you really need.

I’ll also give you actionable tips to help you get the things you want from him. Regardless, whether it’s about getting closure or about getting him back.

Click Here to Check Out Our Coaching Calls

If after reading these signs, none of them or very few actually fit your situation, then perhaps your ex isn’t over you…

In that case, you might want to check out: 9 Signs Your Ex Is Waiting for You and Secretly Wants You Back

But if a lot of the signs fit, you might find more comfort in reading: 7 Emotions You’ll Feel After a Long-Term Relationship Breakup

And if you have any further questions, leave me a comment, and I’ll get back to you!

Karolina

How to Deal With a Husband Who Thinks He Does Nothing Wrong

How to Deal With a Husband Who Thinks He Does Nothing Wrong

Photo by Kiera Burton

So your husband thinks he does nothing wrong.

He considers himself above all mistakes.

He knows everything and is the unequivocal expert on all matters in your relationship and beyond.

If something goes wrong or if you’re unhappy, that’s all on you.

Because again, your husband thinks he does nothing wrong. So by extension, if it’s not him, then it’s implied (or he straight up tells you) that it’s all somehow YOUR fault.

He washes his hands of the discussion, and goes back to being distant.

…Leaving you feeling unhappy and emotionally abandoned in your marriage…

If that sounds like your current situation, then know you’re NOT ALONE with this.

Many women have to contend with a spouse that simply won’t hear it and think he knows better.

And I’ll be the first to admit that as a husband, I too struggled with this problem with my wife Karolina.

Now, I may not fall onto the extreme end of the spectrum, but the reasons behind this behavior and how to deal with them are the same.

So in this post, I’d like to share our experience with you and how Karolina helped me grow out of not being able to admit I was wrong.

You’ll be able to apply the lessons we learned to your own marriage, so that you can finally hear your husband GENUINELY say the words:

I was wrong, I’m sorry.

To help you reach this point, we’ll be covering the following questions:

  • What type of person never admits they’re wrong?
  • Why does my husband think he does nothing wrong?
  • How do you deal with a husband who is never wrong?

What Type of Person Never Admits They’re Wrong

When trying to understand your husband’s behavior, it can be helpful to have a term that captures how you feel about him.

You may have heard or thought of some of the following labels:

  • Selfish husband
  • Narcissistic husband
  • Controlling husband
  • Emotionally unavailable

Now, he may be one (or all) of these things, and you have every right to be angry/upset and may want to call him things far worse!

However…

When Karolina tried pointing out my resistance to thinking I was wrong and how controlling I could be, it would fall on deaf ears.

We had to go beyond these labels to get me to admit fault.

Because as it turns out, the type of person to never admit they are wrong, is someone who is actually best labeled ‘terribly AFRAID’

Which brings us to our next point…

Why Does My Husband Think He Does Nothing Wrong

Let’s get into your husband’s head a little.

This way, you’ll know exactly what you’re grappling with, which in turn will help you approach him in a way that he can admit he’s wrong.

So, when Karolina confronted me about something I did wrong, and I would stonewall, it was because of a very simple reason:

I was afraid of the negative consequences of doing something wrong.

You see, in our lives we’re often taught that if we make mistakes, it means we deserve punishment.

It can start at a young age, with experiences of being abandoned by a parent in a shopping mall because you were a “Bad child”.

Or more extreme cases, like being hit because you accidentally broke a vase.

Likewise in adulthood you can experience this wrong=punishment dynamic in toxic relationships.

The summary of these experiences in my youth and adulthood lead to me being a husband who insisted he did nothing wrong…

(And also made it difficult for me to open up.)

Because I was so conditioned to believe that being wrong = deserving of punishment.

In the same way, your husband will have his own backstory where he repeatedly experienced excessive punishment (often unjustified) over being wrong.

That’s why he turns everything around on YOU.

That is why your husband thinks he does nothing wrong!

Because he’s afraid that if he’s wrong, he’ll deserve punishment.

And he’s trying to avoid punishment at all costs. So he’ll never give you that win!

To top it all off, he’s likely NOT EVEN AWARE of this mechanism and just how badly it can lead to him being emotionally unavailable.

So the type of person to never apologize and insist they are always right, are typically ones who have experienced excessive punishment over (often small) mistakes.

And when you try to make him see his mistake, he thinks you’re trying to find a way to make him wrong and justify punishing him.

Make sense?

Now, this DOES NOT mean that his behavior is okay, and that you have to put up with it!

Because we know how endlessly giving in your relationship also can’t end well for you.

But seeing it from this perspective will give you much more power over him in your relationship dynamic.

Which brings us to…

How Do You Deal With a Husband Who Is Never Wrong

First things first.

Don’t try to fight fire with fire.

You know from your own experience that when you live with someone who is never wrong, the more you attack and try to make him see he’s wrong, the more he’ll stonewall you.

Your husband will just plant his feet and selfishly insist he’s done nothing wrong.

Pushing won’t get you anywhere with him. It’ll also drain you fast and make you lose patience…

But how do you deal with a rigid husband, then??

You need to gain his trust, so he reveals his vulnerable side.

Only then will you be able to make him listen to you.

Allow me to explain…

Previously, we covered how when you try to deal with a husband who thinks he is always right, you need to keep in mind that he is afraid of being wrong.

And he is afraid of admitting he’s done something wrong because he believes that it would mean he deserves punishment.

So the only way to actually get through your husband’s defense mechanism is to gain his trust and make him feel safe.

In other words, you need to build and demonstrate that there’s a big safety net for him with giant letters that read:

It’s OKAY to be wrong and make mistakes.

Nothing bad will happen to you.

Only then will you be able to make your husband realize his mistake.

Otherwise, he’ll fight you tooth and nail and never admit he’s wrong, because he doesn’t trust you yet.

It was the same for me with Karolina and I guarantee you, your husband is eyeing you up the same way, thinking:

Can I really trust her?

What’s important to note here, is that men are secretly desperate for this kind of safe space, where they can admit fault and feel safe.

Because believe me, the pressure of keeping up the facade of always being ‘right’ and having it all figured out, is actually an immense weight that we’re eager to unload.

So, gradually gain more of his trust and convey to him that you’re a safe space in which there won’t be any punishment.

And your husband will fall into your arms, pouring his heart out and apologizing for all his wrong doings…

Now, this information alone will give you a great advantage already, and you can start thinking about your strategy based on what we’ve talked about here.

And if you’d like more details on how to best go about building this safety net, you can have a look at our Rebuild Your Relationship course.

Here you’ll learn the right mindset and tools you need to get him from being an uncaring husband, to trusting you with admitting he was wrong and finally telling you those words “I’m sorry.”

We also break down and show you the exact steps we took in our own relationship for Karolina to get through my defenses and gain my trust enough to share these vulnerable things.

If it sounds like something that can help you, you can click here to check out Rebuild Your Relationship.

Thanks for reading, you can drop your questions in the comments section and if you’d like to learn more on this topic, you might want to read: He Gets Defensive When I Tell Him How I Feel – How to Get Through.

Gabriel

The Best Relationship Affirmations for Love and Connection

The Best Relationship Affirmations for Love and Connection

Photo by Charlotte May

Relationship affirmations are a great way to help you manifest more of what you want in your love life.

Because let’s be honest…

Our relationships often unfold very differently than the way we expect or hope them to.

And sometimes the difficulties we’re faced with can leave us feeling defeated by all the negative voices.

We all experience relationship doubts and maybe even hopelessness.

But what we need in these moments is to be reminded of why love is WORTH fighting for.

To assert that you’re not giving up and clearly state your desires.

This is where relationship affirmations come in.

They will remind you of all the great efforts you are already making AND get you in touch with additional relationship aspirations, that’ll help you feed the positivity.

What Are Relationship Affirmations

In case you’re new to affirmations:

Affirmations are positive statements that help you focus on the outcomes you desire.

So in the context of relationships, they are the affirmations for the love and connection we all crave.

Another way to think about them is as a counter force to negative thoughts about your relationship.

The affirmations keep the negativity at bay and reinforce all the good stuff instead.

I’ve structured the best affirmations into types, so that you can scroll straight to the ones that you need the most.

And without further ado, here are some of the most powerful affirmations for you, to manifest the relationship you want.

Relationship Affirmation Types:

  • Healthy Relationship Affirmations
  • Happy Relationship Affirmations
  • Lasting Relationship Affirmations
  • Romantic Relationship Affirmations
  • Commitment Affirmations
  • Marriage Affirmations

Healthy Relationship Affirmations

  1. I balance mine and my partner’s needs
  2. I am strong enough to face our relationship challenges
  3. I take time and space from my relationship when I need it
  4. I listen to my own and my partner’s needs
  5. I will be honest and open with my partner
  6. My partner and I share a deep harmonious bond
  7. We keep our relationship healthy and nurture it
  8. We communicate truthfully and lovingly
  9. We accept our relationship as imperfect but continue to learn and grow
  10. Our relationship is built on honesty and trust

Happy Relationship Affirmations

  1. I deserve happiness in my relationship
  2. I choose to build on the positivity in our relationship
  3. I feel happy and smile when I think of him
  4. I am grateful for the peace and stability we share
  5. I am happy to give and receive love
  6. I am worthy of abundant happiness
  7. My relationship gives me a sense of safety and feeling content
  8. My partner and I make our happiness a top priority
  9. My partner and I deserve all the imaginable joy in our relationship
  10. Our journey is towards a harmonious & happy relationship

Lasting Relationship Affirmations

  1. I will do my best to support and love my partner
  2. I put my relationship and happiness first
  3. I appreciate our lasting love
  4. My partner and I stand by each other
  5. My partner and I accept each other’s strengths and weaknesses
  6. My partner and I openly communicate our desires and boundaries
  7. We get through the tough times by supporting each other
  8. We deserve a fulfilling, happy and lasting relationship
  9. Our relationship bond will last a lifetime
  10. Our love is greater than the challenges we face

Romantic Relationship Affirmations

  1. I deserve love, affection and romance in my relationship
  2. I make gestures of romance and appreciation for my partner
  3. I am inspired to show my love through romantic gestures
  4. I am worthy of receiving romantic gestures
  5. I allow time for creating romantic evenings with my partner
  6. I notice the small romantic moments in our everyday relationship
  7. Romance strengthens and deepens the bond with my partner
  8. We love the spontaneity romance brings to our relationship
  9. Our relationship grows through romance
  10. Our relationship is like an epic romantic tale with a happy end

Commitment Affirmations

  1. I am wholeheartedly committed to my relationship
  2. I am happy and secure in my relationship
  3. I trust my partner and my partner trusts me
  4. With every passing year, I am happier in my relationship
  5. My partner and I choose to commit to our relationship
  6. We are meant to be together
  7. The love in our relationship is boundless
  8. Nothing can come between our relationship
  9. Our relationship is built on respect and loyalty
  10. Our commitment to each other only grows deeper

Marriage Affirmations

  1. I nurture and protect our marriage
  2. I love and cherish my spouse
  3. I seek moments to express my love and appreciation
  4. I choose to stand by my spouse
  5. We treat each other better than when we first met
  6. We are happily married
  7. We meet each other’s needs
  8. We continue to treat each other with respect and appreciation
  9. Our marriage is committed to truth and love
  10. Our marriage can withstand anything

Do Affirmations Work for Relationships

Now, some of you might be wondering whether reading relationship affirmations can really invoke the positive change you wish for.

Reminding yourself of what you want in your relationship and focusing on those values with affirmations helps in the following ways:

  • It keeps you focused on what is working
  • You stay in touch with your relationship goals
  • Your focus is on the positive instead of the negative

Simply put, relationship affirmations are a tool to visualize the relationship you want.

And just like learning ways to tell him you love him, they contribute to a happy relationship.

But the truth is, that affirmations alone are not enough.

Yes, it is important to not get lost in doubts and endless negative thoughts, and that’s where affirmations can help as a positive counter force.

But if you’re facing a stubborn recurring relationship problem, at some point you’ll need to deal with it.

That’s unfortunately not something affirmations can fix.

Otherwise, it’ll slowly eat away at your relationship from the inside, until there’s nothing left to salvage.

Now, I get that confronting relationship difficulties can be terrifying.

But much like relationship affirmations are a tool to stay positive…

There are also relationship tools to help you deal with the negative, in a way that makes them feel manageable.

This is what we teach in our Rebuild Your Relationship course.

Here we explain to you how and why relationship problems occur and most importantly how you can finally solve them.

We take you step-by-step through our own journey and teach you the most powerful tools and methods to eradicate the negativity in your relationship.

Karolina and I still use these tools to this day in our own relationship!

And it’s what makes all the challenges we face together feel manageable.

If you’re interested to find out more, click here to check out Rebuild Your Relationship.

I hope you found these affirmations inspiring and helpful, if you’d like more to read on a related topic, maybe you want to check out: How to Use 5 Love Languages to Fix Your Relationship.

Also, let me know what your favorite affirmations are in the comments section!

Gabriel

Tired of Begging for Attention In Your Relationship? Here’s What to Do!

Tired of Begging for Attention In Your Relationship? Here’s What to Do!

Photo by Kyle Broad

No wonder you’re tired of begging for attention in your relationship, having to constantly beg your boyfriend or husband for any proof of love and care is absolutely exhausting!

Maybe you’re so frustrated with this situation, it makes you question if he cares about you at all….

Or worse yet, his absent-mindedness and rejection is already taking a toll on your confidence and making you feel like perhaps you’re the one who is doing something wrong.

Regardless of what your situation is exactly, know that you’re not alone with this!

I, too, used to have a really hard time getting the attention I wanted and needed from my boyfriend, friends or even my family.

And first off, I want to reassure you: there is a way out of this!

You can break out of this vicious cycle of having to constantly beg for attention and never actually getting enough of it.

In this post, let’s talk about why we feel like we have to beg for attention and how to fix it.

Why Do I Have to Beg for Attention

If you’re feeling tired of having to beg for attention the whole time, you’re likely also lost as to how it’s come to this.

That’s why I’ll start off explaining what is going on in relationships that face this very problem.

The direct reason you feel like you have to beg for attention, is because you’ve been unsuccessfully trying to get it for a while now and feel like begging for it is all you have left!

In other words, your partner isn’t giving you the attention you need.

But why is it sometimes SO HARD to get enough love and care from your significant other?!

The answer to this question is likely not what you’d expect.

There are two main factors that cause people to become so desperate that they resort to begging for attention in a relationship:

1. Your Partner Is Blind to Your Needs

Yes, that’s right. It’s not that he doesn’t care about you.

It’s very likely that he simply doesn’t understand the things you’re needing from him.

For example, I wanted to feel like I’m more important to my boyfriend than his job, and that was a bit of an alien concept to him.

I had to explain it for a long time and in great detail for him to be able to get what I was needing from him and why.

Which brings me to the second big factor that is likely contributing to you feeling tired of having to beg for his attention…

2. You Might Not Be Communicating Your Needs in a Way He Can Understand

When we’re in a romantic relationship, we often feel so close to our boyfriend or husband, we tend to assume that they know what we’re thinking.

These kinds of assumptions could not be further from the truth!

Unfortunately, loving each other doesn’t mean you can read each other’s mind.

To make matters worse, us women typically just hint at what we want in the hopes that our boyfriend or husband will catch on…

…and when he doesn’t, we jump to conclusions, get upset and feel like we have to start begging for things.

The thing is, sending subtle hints and expecting your partner to read your mind are both extremely ineffective at actually getting what you want from him.

So, the second big reason why you’ve been forced to beg for his attention, could be that you don’t yet know how to ask for it in a way your partner can understand and respect.

This brings me to my next point:

Is It Okay to Ask For Attention in a Relationship?

I used to resort to the hinting technique in the past too.

I did it because I believed that straight-up asking for what I wanted would make me seem desperate or needy.

In reality, the opposite is true.

It’s leaving hints and subtle messages, that leads to us eventually having to beg for attention.

Which definitely makes us look desperate and needy!

So yes, it’s okay to ask for attention in a relationship!

In fact, it’s more than ok, it’s what can give you the best chances at actually getting attention!

How to Stop Begging for Attention

Now that you know why you had to beg for his attention and that it’s okay to simply ask for it, we can finally get to the most important part of this article.

Here, I’ll cover strategies you can use to break your patterns and actually get your boyfriend or husband to give you what you need:

1. Know That Your Needs Matter

The fact that you’ve been forced to beg for attention, likely made you doubt yourself and feel like maybe you’re asking too much.

In order to break out of this hurtful situation, you need to discard these kinds of doubts.

Everybody needs and deserves attention.

Knowing that your needs matter, are justified and important will make it much easier for you to stop begging and start communicating things instead.

2. Ask For What You Want

Now that you remember that your need for attention matters and is justified, there is nothing standing in your way to simply ask for what you want.

Don’t expect your boyfriend or husband to read your mind or get your hints.

Be as clear and straightforward as you can instead.

Explain things and repeat yourself if needs be. Try to get him to listen and understand what you’re wanting and why you’re wanting it.

3. Prepare for His Resistance

It is unfortunate, but don’t expect things to go smoothly at first.

Trying to communicate a need to your boyfriend or husband, who might be entirely blind to them, is not going to be easy.

He is likely going to be defensive when you start telling him how you feel.

Don’t let his attitude silence you again. You deserve to get what you want from him.

4. Set Boundaries if He Discards or Ignores Your Needs

What’s even worse than him being defensive about you wanting his attention, is him discarding your needs and making you feel like you’re being unreasonable.

Don’t let him get away with it.

Set boundaries when necessary and make him experience that his choices have consequences.

5. Stay Strong and Don’t Give Up

Stopping yourself from begging for love is not going to happen from one day onto the next.

It’s more of a process rather than a sudden change.

Keep trying, celebrate every little victory and most importantly, don’t give up!

Stopping to beg for love and attention is not easy. It’s not something I would have never managed all by myself…

But there are many resources out there that can help you become better and better at asking and insisting on what you want.

If you’re looking for more in depth information on how to get more of what you want from your partner, be sure to check out our online course: Rebuild Your Relationship

My boyfriend, Gabriel and I worked on it together. In it,  you’ll find all the tools I actually personally used in our relationship to get his attention.

You’ll learn what to say and how to say it, in a way that will finally get you the love and care you crave from him.

We’ll also give you a step-by-step guide on how to set boundaries in case he keeps on ignoring or discarding your needs.

If you’d like to learn more about our course, you can click here to check out Rebuild Your Relationship.

I hope you now have a better understanding of why you’ve been begging for attention and know what to do, to stop it in your relationship.

If you have any questions about this post or about our course, leave me a comment, and I’ll get back to you.

In case you’re looking for more tips on how to get him to take you seriously, you might want to check out our other article: 4 Steps to Make Him Worry About Losing You

Karolina