Blocking a guy will almost always have a very significant impact on him.But whether it’s the kind of effect you’re hoping to achieve is another question…
Here I want to take a moment to share a very important message with you guys.
I know that no-contact rule is a very popular method of getting your ex back, and that blocking him is often recommended as a part of it.
The thing is, hundreds of women shared their stories with us in our comments section, emails and in coaching sessions, and not a single one of them successfully got her ex-boyfriend back by blocking him.
What’s more, it can seriously backfire and might even completely sabotage your chances for getting him to want to talk to you again.
With this post, I want to explain why blocking a guy is such a risky step and how exactly it can unfold.
The best way to do that is by first describing the 5 things a guy will feel when he realizes you blocked him:
1. He Will Feel Hurt About You Blocking Him
First and foremost, a guy will feel hurt when he realizes you blocked him. Blocking someone or even unfriending them on social media is an act of active rejection.
And being rejected HURTS.
When a person he cares about is the one rejecting him, it will hurt him even more.
So be careful when you decide to do it, because it will have some very serious implications for this relationship. I’ll explain this more in detail later on in this post.
2. He Will Feel Confused as to Why You Did It
If you think that the act of blocking a guy will finally make it clear to him how he’s been hurting you, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news here…
…that’s not what’ll happen.
Hardly anybody ever hurts other people on purpose.
But if you’re on the verge of blocking him, chances are he has been blind to your pain for a while now.
In situations like this, if he’s been treating you badly in any way, shape or form, he most likely doesn’t realize he has been doing it.
Maybe he is blind to his own behavior. Perhaps he considers it normal and even good.
Either way, he doesn’t know he was doing something wrong, and the simple act of blocking him will not make him see it.
On the contrary, when he realizes you blocked him, he will remain confused as to why you took this step and will most likely rationalize it as you being unreasonable or overreacting.
3. He Will Feel Mad About It
Now you know that in most cases, a guy won’t understand why you blocked him.
But he will feel hurt and rejected by you putting him through this.
I know this might be extremely frustrating to hear. After all, he is the one who has been hurting you this whole time. Unfortunately, he doesn’t see things your way…
No matter how unfair his reaction might seem to you, he will most likely just feel mad at you for putting him through this.
4. He Will Feel Sad That You Blocked Him
Maybe that headline gave you some comfort.
Finally, some reaction related to what you’ve been hoping to achieve!
Well, don’t get your hopes up just yet. It’s not what you think.
Yes, he will feel sad about losing you, and he will miss you. He might even reflect on some of his behaviors he knows were wrong.
But all that sadness will be heavily overshadowed by his wounded pride and shattered ego.
You see, most people don’t respond well to rejection.
Especially men, who are often spoiled by women endlessly chasing them and trying to get through their walls of emotional unavailability.
Because of this, rather than reflecting on his own mistakes and the role he played in making this happen, he will feel sad that you didn’t really love him and regretful that you didn’t care about him more.
5. He Will Feel Resentful Towards You for Blocking Him
I can imagine that by now you feel like things can’t possibly get any worse. How is it possible that we would be so thick and self-centered!
The thing is, rejection often brings up the worst in us.
All the grudges and sulking are his self-defense mechanisms. It’s his way of protecting himself from feeling broken and undesirable.
I know this probably doesn’t feel fair towards you at all. And It isn’t! It’s all just his emotional reactions.
So let’s finally get to the end of this unpleasant and most likely utterly disappointing journey…
Once his initial response has finally cooled off a little, it’s going to make way for some deeper and more long-lasting feelings.
So, because he doesn’t understand your reasons for blocking him, he will most likely resent you for rejecting him this way.
But, unlike all the other feelings that might subside and vanish with time, this one is here to stay.
Even if you guys get back together after you’ve blocked him, his resentment remains an unresolved issue between the two of you.
Now that you know how a guy feels when you block him, let’s talk about the other side of the story.
What are you feeling, and where are you coming from?
So, there are two main reasons why women decide to block a guy they once cared about:
1. They had enough and are genuinely wanting to move on from this relationship.
2. They want to make him care and get him to come back.
In both of these cases, blocking tends to have the opposite effect of what the person doing it is trying to achieve.
I know, this must be frustrating to hear, but let me explain…
If you want to genuinely move on from a relationship, chances are you’ve already been distancing yourself from your ex.
So when you block him, he knows that you mean it.
This is why it might actually make him panic and scramble.
He will likely try to reach you through other channels to explain himself. He might even plead and do everything he can to convince you to change your mind.
But if you’re blocking him in order to get him back after he broke up with you or ignored you, chances are you’ve been chasing him and trying to get through to him prior to this step.
That’s why he will suspect that you’re blocking him for an effect.
In this case, he will most likely act as though he doesn’t care and won’t try to contact you.
Will He Miss Me if I Block Him
Now, that you get the general picture of all the psychological effects blocking has on a guy, I want to address some common questions you guys have asked me in your comments and in our coaching calls:
Will he miss me if I block him?
Will he reach out if I block him?
Should I block him to get him back?
The thing is, our intentions come through in our actions and choices we make.
That’s how a guy will know where you’re coming from when you’re blocking him, and whether you really mean it or not.
So again, if you do genuinely want to move on, he will miss you if you block him, he will most likely try to reach out and will try to get you back.
But, if you’re only doing it in order to get him to care and get back together with you, it will probably backfire.
He will remain distant and cold, he will pretend he doesn’t care and won’t contact you.
Should I Block Him or Just Ignore Him?
I imagine you’re pretty disappointed after reading all of this. But I want to finally offer you some reassurance.
There is a way to play this out so that you can get your point across!
If your intentions are to actually get him to care about you again, simply ignoring him might be a much safer bet.
If you want to move on from a guy, blocking him will make it easier for you to do so.
Blocking someone does help you get over them.
You won’t have to wonder if he will reach out or not. You’ve made up your mind and closed that chapter yourself.
It’s over and done with.
By blocking him, you’ll be sending him a very strong message that you’re not interested anymore.
Even though he might rebel against it in the beginning, try to find other ways to contact you and get you to reconsider your position. All you have to do is stay strong and don’t let him override your boundaries.
He will get the message eventually and will leave you alone.
Don’t worry about being rude towards him.
Especially if you’re blocking him because he hurt you.
Yes, blocking someone is a bit rude, but so is hurting a person.
You have every right to set boundaries and defend yourself in whichever way works for you. You have to put yourself first, it’s ok to do so!
Conclusion
If you’re considering blocking a guy or even just unfriending him, you’re most likely hurt about something he did or the way he’s been treating you.
You’re probably hoping that going to these lengths will finally make him understand you and why you’re doing this.
Unfortunately, blocking someone tends to have the opposite of the desired effect.
If you’re hoping to get him to come back this way, beware, it will only most likely push him further away.
And if you’re trying to move on and are doing it to make it clear to him that you’re over him, prepare yourself for his initial resistance.
Regardless of where you’re coming from and what you’re hoping to achieve by blocking him, know that he will feel hurt, confused, mad, sad and resentful towards you.
It will have a long term implication on your relationship, so don’t take this lightly and really think it through before doing it.
At the same time, there is no need to wait or worry about being rude towards him.
It’s ok to block a guy to protect yourself from him hurting you again!
If you need more help with figuring out your situation, if there is a chance to get him back, or if it’s better for you to just move on, this is something I can help you with in a coaching call.
Here, I’ll listen to your story and will help you make sense of your ex’s mixed messages and confusing behaviors.
I’ll also give you tips on what to do, to actually get him to do what you want.
If you’re wondering how to stop caring about someone, I won’t lie, your situation is a difficult one.
Because chances are, you love them and care about them, but they don’t love and care about you the same way.
They may literally have said some of these words to you:
“I just don’t feel that way about you.”
“I think of you as a friend.”
“You should totally go out with him/her.”
So it makes sense that you’re wondering whether you can get over someone you love.
Because it HURTS to love someone who doesn’t love you back.
And every interaction with them is a painful reminder of that!
When you finally reach a point when it hurts too much to continue loving them, then you understandably want to try to forget them.
And that’s what I’m going to help you with in this post.
How Do You Stop Caring About Someone Who Doesn’t Love You?
It’s a heart-wrenching experience.
On the one hand, you care about them, but you know it’s probably time to let go.
But the idea of letting go can feel disrespectful towards the love you feel for them and ultimately yourself. (since these are YOUR valid feelings after all!)
So just to reassure you before we talk about how you can unlove someone.
Doing this process DOES NOT invalidate you or your feelings.
It just means you’ve reached a point where it’s hurting you more than it’s fulfilling you.
So you understandably want to try a different approach.
This is the 7-Step journey to stop caring about someone when you’re in love.
1. Acknowledge That It’s Hurting You
When you’re overwhelmed with how good it feels to be in love or infatuated with someone, it can be incredibly mesmerizing.
It’s like a perfect place that you could stay in FOREVER.
The fantasy alone of being with this person can make you feel safe and like you belong.
So it only makes sense that you’d want it to be real.
But the fact of the matter is, you’re here now, because they’re hurting you more than they’re giving you.
And if you haven’t yet, it’s important to acknowledge that sooner than later.
Because as wonderful as the fantasy may be…
When you’re stuck in a position of endlessly caring about them, and their love is repeatedly denied, it takes its toll on you.
It hurts you and can chip away at your self-worth.
So, if you’ve been pining after them and caring for over a few months and nothing has come of it…
Then know it’s likely hurting you more and it’s time to stop and move on.
2. Don’t Let Them Rule You
The next step is to understand that when you’re stuck in a PATTERN of loving and caring for them, and they repeatedly ignore, dismiss or reject your advances…
…You’re giving them A LOT of POWER.
Now, they may or may not abuse your love and care, but either way it’s not a balanced or healthy dynamic to be in.
It’s all well and good to pine after someone you love as both sides figure things out in a month or so.
You’re a fully fledged human being, with your very own unique presence, talents, and are clearly someone who is caring and willing to put a lot of effort into making love work.
And that shouldn’t be wasted on someone who is too blind to see the wonderful person that stands before them!
Again. You deserve better.
Conclusion
So can you forget someone you love?
Yes, you absolutely can forget someone you love and even should if they’re not reciprocating your love.
And if you’re wondering, how do you move on when you still love someone?
The answer is, when you work through the 7 steps we mentioned above, you will gradually fall out of love with them and in love with a new person.
Because there are truly plenty of fish in the sea.
And if you’re feeling a little lost right now, don’t worry, it will get better with time.
As to how long it takes to get over someone.
It may not seem like it when you’re in the midst of it all. But give yourself a few months and you’ll have stopped caring about them and will feel great again.
Yes, they may have been amazing and all, but you know who’s more amazing?
Yeah, that’s right, the strong person reading this post right now.
Give yourself enough time and company, and you’ll be surprised at your own strength and how many people DO actually value care for what you have to offer.
And if you want help processing any of this, let us support you with this with a one-on-one Coaching Call.In a call, we’ll be able to get into the details of how exactly to stop caring about someone who doesn’t care about you. And give you the right tools and mindset to attract people who will return your love instead.
Otherwise, if you find yourself stuck in a cycle of choosing the wrong person, you might want to read Karolina’s post How to Finally Find the Right Guy.
For now, if you have any questions, please drop them down below and I’ll get back to you!
Do you feel like your ex has been testing you lately? First, they wanted to break up, but now something about their behavior seems very confusing.
It’s as though they keep on sending you covert messages…
No, you’re not imagining it!
Most breakups are not final. When somebody says they want to break up, they rarely ever fully mean it.
That’s why exes will often test you after the breakup. It’s to see if they made the right choice or not. It’s also them giving you chances to prove them wrong.
Before jumping into the signs your ex is testing you, I’ll first go more into details on why people do this.
Understanding your ex-boyfriend’s or ex-girlfriend’s motives will make it easier for you to fully read and understand their behavior.
Why Is Your Ex Is Testing You
There are three big reasons why people play mind games and send mixed or covert messages to their ex-partners.
Some of them have to do with you, while others might be almost entirely unrelated to your relationship or you as a person.
They Are Testing You to See if They Can Trust You
Trust is a huge component of any relationship. It’s something that is very painful to lose. I know this might seem counter-intuitive: why would my ex care about trusting me if they wanted to break up?
But like I said, breakups are almost never the end of a relationship. Feelings you might have for each other can’t just vanish from one day onto the next.
That’s why your ex might be testing to check if they can still trust you, despite the breakup.
Your Ex Is Testing You to See if You Still Care About Them
This is something that’s likely also pretty confusing to hear.
Why would your ex worry about you not caring about him or her anymore, after wanting to break up?
The thing is, emotions are not logical.
Your ex is likely still attached to you and would like to believe that the same is true about you.
They Are Testing You to Figure Out What They Actually Want
People like to present themselves as confident and decisive. This is especially true for men.
They often feel pressured to act as though they had it all figured out and knew exactly what they want.
The truth is. Nobody really knows what they’re doing. Especially when it comes to love and feelings!
Chances are, your ex testing you is just their own attempt at figuring out what it is that they truly want from you.
Signs Your Ex Is Testing You and How to Respond to Each of Them
Now that you know why your ex is acting this way, it’ll be easier for you to wrap your head around their odd behavior and read between the lines.
I know personally how frustrating and confusing these kinds of situations can be.
My now husband and I broke up three times in the first two years of our relationship. When we were broken up, he also gave me all sorts of mixed messages.
That’s how I also know that receiving these kinds of vague hints from them will inevitably make you feel a little excited and hopeful.
This is why it’s so important that you’re able to read their signs correctly and respond accordingly.
1. Your Ex Doesn’t Reach Out for a Few Days
The first days after a breakup are always the toughest.
It’s hard to go from interacting with someone on a daily basis, to next to no contact from one day onto the next.
Maybe you’ve been struggling with this lately. Your ex either stopped reaching out to you or maybe they stopped replying to you.
They are likely checking if they can trust you to respect their boundaries and give them the space they might have asked for.
Your ex might also be testing you to see how long you can last before contacting them.
Either way, it’s normal and healthy to take some time for yourself after a breakup.
Give them a week to get back to you, if they don’t check in by then, reach out to see what’s going on.
2. They Ask About Your Love Life
There is nothing more painful than have your ex nonchalantly ask about your love life.
Yet, this is something that happens a lot. Many of our coaching clients end up feeling hurt and confused because their ex made them feel like they wanted them to move on.
The thing is, when a person is really scared of something, they often try to play it down and pretend that they’re cool with it.
Well, this is exactly what your ex is doing when they’re asking you about your love life.
On one hand, they are testing you to see if they can trust you to stay attached.
And on the other hand, they’re provoking you to show them that you still care.
It’s a bluff, and it’s important that you take it as that.
Also, they just provided you with a great opportunity to make them jealous, so be sure to use it…
3. They Act Out of Character
Another classic way how exes test their partners is by acting out as if they were a rebellious teenager.
This might include things like changing their style, cutting their hair, getting piercings, going out, smoking, drinking or even screaming and shouting. Basically any action and behavior that is meant to test your patience and provoke you.
If your ex has been putting you through something like this lately, know it’s a sign they are testing you and trying to get your attention.
They want to see if you’ll try to step in and take their freedom away from them.
They’re also likely going through some sort of personality crisis and are figuring out who they truly are and what they want.
If this is your case, it’s important that you don’t react and don’t let them provoke you.
Or maybe they’re very hurt about something you might have said or did.
Either way, don’t let them drag you into a pointless fight.
Try to read between the lines. They most likely just need you to listen and understand them.
5. They Reach Out to You via Social Media
Has your ex been ignoring you lately, but at the same time you get a feeling that whenever they post something on social media, it’s directed towards you?
Well, that’s because it is.
Your ex is fully aware that you follow them and see their posts.
So if they have been posting quotes, songs or photos that really got to you, keep in mind they did it on purpose.
Maybe, for whatever reason, they felt like they can’t communicate these things directly. So they try to get your attention this way.
This is a sign your ex is testing you to see if you get their message and will respond.
6. They Try to Make You Jealous
Jealousy is one of our strongest drives, that’s why it can be used to manipulate us fairly easily.
If your ex acting in ways that made you jealous lately, know it’s a sign they are testing you and trying to get your attention.
I know this might be counterintuitive. Maybe in your head it means that they’re wanting to move on…
But if your ex truly was over you, they wouldn’t resort to playing these kinds of mind games. If anything, they’d keep their distance and try to avoid any further drama.
So don’t play cool. Show them your true feelings, but also make sure to set boundaries and not let them play with your heart this way.
7. Your Ex Is Pursuing You but Doesn’t Want to Commit
Last but not least, one of the most common signs that your ex is testing you is the hot and cold behavior:
They have phases of wanting to see you every minute of every day.
Your ex’s behavior might make you feel frustrated and confused. Every time they withdraw, you’re worrying if it’s because of something you did.
Just so that you know, this kind of hot and cold behavior has likely more to do with ex’s commitment issues than it does with you.
Something is standing in the way of them officially getting back together with you.
The best way to respond in this situation is to, on one hand, talk about whatever doubts your ex might be having that are preventing them from wanting to commit to you again.
And on the other hand, you also have to make it clear that you’re not going to wait for them forever.
How to Pass All the Tests and Make Your Ex Fall in Love Again
Now you know how to recognize if your ex is testing you and why they’re doing it.
Ultimately, passing their tests is the only way to get them to trust you and want to get back together.
Each situation requires a different set of responses. However, there are some rules that will work for all of them:
Firstly, don’t panic. Acting impulsively might lead you to doing things that will only sabotage all your chances.
So, try your best to keep your emotions in check.
There is no rush. Your ex’s feelings for you will not vanish any time soon.
Secondly, be patient and understanding. I know this is easier said than done, but keep in mind, this attitude will give you the results you’re hoping for the fastest.
And last but not least, don’t try to bottle it all up and try to deal with everything all by yourself. Talk to your friends, trusted family members. Find outlets and express your feelings and frustrations.
If you feel like you’d benefit from some additional support with passing all your ex’s tests, that something I can help you with in an ex back coaching call.
Here, I’ll carefully listen and help you make sense of their behavior.
We’ll also make a plan on how to respond and what to do to get your ex to fall in love with you again.
How long a good talking stage should last entirely depends on your character and also on the life circumstances you and your crush are in. There are no universal rules when it comes to falling in love and dating.
Everybody is different.
Some people are ready to move forward with dating just after a short text exchange. While others need weeks or even months to get there.
Life also sometimes comes in the way and can stop a budding relationship from progressing.
At the same time, there are people out there who want to string you along forever.
They might be intentionally staying stuck in the talking stage to keep you as backup, or just for the sake of using you for validation.
In this post, I will outline what factors can make the talking stage longer and how to recognize if it is too long already.
I’ll also talk about what to do to finally move forward and make dating official.
But before jumping into the particulars of this topic, let’s first briefly outline how to even recognize that you are in the talking stage.
How Do You Know You’re in the Talking Stage
You are in the talking stage with someone, if the two of you share a bit of an unspoken connection. You’re crushing on them, but are not entirely sure if they feel the same way.
However, you suspect that it is the case, becausethere’s undeniable chemistry and tension between the two of you!
You also likely text on regular bases. Alternatively, you keep on ‘bumping into each other’ at work, parties, at the gym etc.
Point being, you’re in regular contact of some kind, but you’re not officially dating yet.
How Long Should the Talking Stage Last
As previously mentioned, how long the talking stage is for a couple, depends on a lot of factors: like your character, preferences and life circumstances.
For example, introverts and people who are shy are more likely to need a longer warm up time before they open up and dare to express their feelings.
Another big factor that can prevent you from moving forward with dating are difficult life circumstances.
Things like health problems, stress at work, family emergencies or moving, can also come in the way and eat up all of your or your crush’s attention.
This was actually the case for my husband and I. We had a relatively long talking stage. It took us two and a half months to go from talking and bumping into each other to officially dating.
This was because Gabriel (my husband and co author of this blog) was moving at the time we met. And it took him a while to find a new place and settle in. So those circumstances prevented us from starting to officially date for about a month.
Ultimately, the talking stage should last as long as you’re comfortable with it lasting.
If you’re ok with you and your crush just talking and keeping things vague for months on end, then everything is fine.
There is no rush and no deadline.
You can stay in the talking stage as long as you want.
However, if you’re frustrated with the situation you’re in and impatient to finally start officially dating, that’s a sign your talking stage is already too long.
It’s time to make some changes and maybe even call out your crush and see where they really stand and what they truly want.
How Long Should the Talking Stage Last, Long Distance
Another big factor that might make the talking stage last longer for you is if you’re in a long distance situation.
Not everybody is willing to put up with the challenges of living far away from the person they are dating. That’s why they might need to ‘just talk’ for a longer period of time before wanting any kind of commitment.
Some people might even need to wait for some concrete prospect that would bring the two of you physically closer before wanting to involve themselves romantically.
This is why you can expect the talking stage to last longer in a long distance situation. Sometimes it can go on for months or even years.
This is not always going to be the case. There are people out there who are more comfortable with having a long distance partner.
And they will have no reservations and will make an effort to move things forward.
Talking Stage Dos and Don’ts
There are no fixed rules of the talking stage.
However, there are certain things you can do that can make the progress faster.
There are also things that can sabotage your chances or keep you stuck in the talking stage forever.
So let’s cover the top 3 do’s and top 3 don’ts to give you the best shot!
Do Go On Dates
Going on dates in the talking stage is going to be far more casual than it is when you’re officially dating. You might spontaneously arrange something, meet up for a coffee, go for lunch together etc.
It is probably the most effective way of shortening the talking stage.
Meeting in person is the best way to get to know each other, check if you have chemistry and if you’re a good match.
It also gives you an opportunity to make a move, start holding hands, kiss etc.
Flirting is one of the best ways to communicate that you want more than being ‘just friends’. That’s why it’s an absolute must in the talking stage.
That’s how you let your crush know you want to take things further. Without flirting, you’ll be stuck in the friend zone forever.
Now for the top 3 don’ts.
Don’t Over-text
Over-texting is one of the biggest no-nos in the talking stage.
When you endlessly spam your crush with funny memes, TikToks, stories etc. you’ll come across as desperate. It’s not only very unattractive, it might even scare them away.
This is why it’s important to try to keep things balanced.
It’s not that you shouldn’t share these kinds of messages with your crush.It’s all well and good to make them laugh or update them on your life now and then.
Just try to gauge their reaction and adapt the number of text you send to that.
It takes two people to successfully get past the talking stage and start officially dating. If you feel like you’re the only one who is making things happen, it’s a sign it’s time for you to take the back seat.
This way, you’ll give your crush room to step up their game and reach out to you first for a change.
It’s also a way of finding out if they are serious about you or not.
If they’re interested, they’ll make the move. If they do nothing, you’re probably only wasting your time anyway.
Don’t Ignore the Red Flags
If you’re in the talking stage and your crush says or does things that make you feel a bit uneasy, most people’s reaction is to brush it off and start making excuses:
Oh, they didn’t mean it this way.
It was just a joke.
They’re probably just really busy right now.
Don’t be so sure… if your crush keeps on jumping in and out of your life like this, they might be a ghoster…
The talking stage is the time when you’re getting to know each other and evaluating whether this person is a good match for you.
That’s why it’s important to trust your gut and not diminish or ignore the red flags.
This way, you can protect yourself from wasting your time or even being seriously hurt in the future.
How Do You Get Past the Talking Stage
Now that you know how long the talking stage should be and are also familiar with the most essential rules of this phase, it’s time to finally discuss how to get past it.
In most cases, progressing out of the talking stage is a natural process.
As you get to know each other, you grow closer, only to eventually get to the point when one of you makes the move, and you then start officially dating.
That’s how it was for my husband and me. We met at a party, went out for coffee, went to more parties and eventually made plans to go to the movies together.
The movie we picked was extremely boring, so we went out for drinks afterwards (to make up for it and finally have some fun). That’s when he made the move and reached out for my hand.
(My heart was pounding!)
He kept on calmly talking to me and as the moment built, we finally shared our first kiss and the sparks were flying all evening long…
For us, as well as for many others, getting past the talking stage was an organic and gradual process.
So it’s really not something you need to obsess over too much.
You’re better off focusing on just flirting and getting to know your crush more.
How Do You Know the Talking Stage Is Going Well
The best way to recognize that everything is fine, and your talking stage is gradually progressing, is if you feel like you and your date are getting to know each other better and better.
Another good way to measure that this phase is going well is if the amount of communication between the two of you is steadily increasing.
If you keep on texting and feel increasingly comfortable with each other, then everything is going well!
Don’t worry too much, you’ll get there soon enough.
When to Bring Up the “Where Is This Going?” Question
If the talking stage with your crush has been going well (or at least ok), and you’re ready to start officially dating, a possible way to make it happen is by asking the “Where is this going?” question.
This way, you will confront yourself with the reality of the situation.
If they are genuinely interested in being in a relationship with you, they’ll give you an answer.
Don’t expect them to be one hundred percent clear on what they really want.
Nobody ever is.
But if they give you at least some encouragement, that’s probably good enough.
There is of course also a possibility that they were only stringing you along and never even intended in taking things further.
In this case, they will likely try to dodge answering your question.
Another sad possibility is that they just aren’t into you. Or maybe they’re only interested in being friends.
There is no point waiting for something that will most likely never happen.
You deserve to be together with someone who will truly care about you.
Perhaps you just haven’t met this person yet…
Either way, if you feel frustrated and stuck, it’s a sign it’s time to make some changes.
If you could do with some guidance when it comes to your dating life, that’s something I can help you with in a coaching call.
Here, I’ll listen to your story and help you identify patterns that are holding you back and not letting you get what you want.
I’ll also give you tips on what to do, to appear more attractive and mysterious. This way, your crush won’t be able to resist you and will want to commit to you.
When a guy you care about breaks up with you or is taking you for granted, cutting him off might feel like the only move you have left to make him realize your value and get him to miss you.
At the same time, maybe you’re hesitant to let go of him because of what might happen if it doesn’t work.
What if he doesn’t come back…?
I know exactly how it feels to be stuck in this very tricky position, because I’ve been there myself.
My now-husband, who runs this blog with me, broke up with me three times in the first two years of our relationship.
The third time he did it, I was devastated, but I was also at my LIMIT.
Yes, I wanted him back, but I was also so hurt, I didn’t want to see or talk to him.
I didn’t actually cut him off completely back then, but I did limit our contact a lot.
Back then, I wasn’t following any strict plan or rules. I was simply listening to myself and setting boundaries that felt right to me.
Me doing all that is what made us get back together in about a month.
Since then, I’ve helped many other women get their ex back.
Also, so many of you guys shared your stories with me, and that’s how I’ve learned that the no contact rule can seriously backfire.
When done right, cutting him off will make him miss you.
If done wrong, it will only push him further away and make him move on faster.
In this post, I will explain the subtle differences between these two approaches. I’ll also give you tips on what to do to get him to want you back. (Without messing up your chances.)
When You Walk Away From a Man, He Will Come Back
The reason why cutting him off can make him miss you, is because you have to get your ex to experience losing you in order for him to realize your true value to him.
As long as he feels safe and secure that he can always have you back, no matter what, the true impact of the breakup will never hit him!
He will also have no reason to fight for you and try to win you over again.
That’s why you need to walk away from him, at least to some degree, to get him to come back to you.
Like I mentioned before, there are two ways of going about this.
Cutting him off the right way will make him miss you when you’re gone.
Doing no-contact the wrong way will only make him move on faster.
How NOT to Cut Him Off
There is a pattern I observed on how women react to being broken up with.
First they are chasing their ex, trying to prove how much they care and how special the relationship was with apologies, writing letters etc.
But when all their efforts remain fruitless, they inevitably burn out.
And then they cut him off as a last attempt at getting him to want them again.
Unfortunately, there are two big mistakes here, that a lot of women make when doing no-contact that only motivate men to pull away more and start looking for a new relationship.
Cutting Him off Without Warning or Explanation Will Only Create More Damage
The first big mistake is: suddenly going no contact without any warning or explanation.
You’re not communicating anything to your ex, you just stop responding or even ghost him.
It only breaks things and creates more problems, often in an already struggling relationship, that’s hanging by a thread.
In his head, your ex thinks that you still care about him, at least to some degree. When you cut him off this way, it communicates that you don’t anymore.
Men do not respond well to this kind of rejection.
He’ll think to himself:
“I was right to break up. If she doesn’t care about me anymore, I’m going to go and find somebody else who will”.
When You Cut Him off Completely, You Give Up All Control Over the Situation
The second big mistake women make when cutting off their ex is that they completely stop all communication.
Ironically, a lot of dating and relationship experts recommend that you do full no-contact for a set period of time.
I disagree with this approach.
The problem with it, is that cutting him off completely means giving up all control of what he is doing and whom he is seeing.
Yes, theoretically if you’re broken up, you can’t prevent your ex from dating other women anyway.
But breakups are messy and most of the time men don’t know what they are really doing.
Your ex might start doing things just to provoke you. However, if you’re in full no contact mode, you won’t be able to respond to it in any way.
On top of it all, he will read your behavior as you not being interested in him anymore, and take it as a cue for him to truly leave you and try to move on.
How to Cut Him off to Make Him Miss You
Now that you know the biggest pitfalls no-contact can lead to, let’s finally discuss how to do it in a way that will get you the results you’re hoping for.
Two extremely important things to do when cutting him off are: telling him why you’re doing it, and also leaving some sort of open communication channel.
When Gabriel broke up with me for the third time, he actually wanted to meet up on the next day. Back then, I was just way too angry and hurt to want to see him. So I told him I needed space.
I made it very clear why I was cutting him off and that he can still reach me, if he needs to.
He knew I still cared about him, but I was just upset.
Me communicating that totally changed the power dynamic between us, he felt bad and became apologetic.
After that exchange, we barely talked for a few weeks.
We had an open communication channel. He reached out to me a few times to check in, talk briefly, clarify things etc.
It didn’t make him change his mind about the breakup right away.
Cutting him off didn’t have an immediate effect. In fact, it rarely does.
BUT, today when we talk about it, he agrees that had I cut off all contact, he might have just moved on because he wouldn’t have had the chance to realize he missed me.
This brings me to my next point…
How Long Does It Take a Guy to Realize He Misses You
Guys can be very stubborn. Once they decide they want to break up, they tend to stick with it, at least for a few weeks.
Different people need a different amount of time to snap out of this stubborn frame of mind.
But judging from my coaching experience, it generally takes two weeks up to a month after the breakup for an ex to realize he misses you so much, he’ll want to start getting back in touch on a regular basis.
However, this period of time can be much longer if you guys have been together for a couple of years and the breakup happened because you were fighting too much, or due to some other serious relationship issues.
Generally speaking, the bigger the problem, the longer it will take for your ex to let his guard down and start showing you that he still cares.
Additionally, in most cases, cutting him off is NOT going to be enough to get him to come back to you and want to commit to you again.
Getting Him to Want You Back After Cutting Him Off
I know that a lot of you guys hope that doing no-contact will be all that’s needed for your ex to have this sudden realization he made a terrible mistake, do a complete 180, apologize and beg you to take him back.
I get it, I felt the exact same way after our breakups.
It’s hard to deal with being rejected. It’s only natural that you’d want him to take it all back and admit that he was wrong.
Sometimes it doesn’t happen this way, but unfortunately they are very rare.
In most cases, getting your ex back is not so much of a sudden event, but more of a gradual process.
On one hand, it will require you to set boundaries with him and cut him off from his boyfriend privileges.
But at the same time, you also have to reel him in to get him to come out of his stubborn shell.
If you feel lost and a bit hopeless about this whole situation, we can guide you through it in our Get Your Ex Back Course.
Here, you’ll find a step-by-step plan of what to do to get your ex to not only miss you, but also to want to commit to you again.
We’ll also explain in detail why men can act so cool and careless after breakups, and that it’s just a bluff you can get him to drop.
“Oh, I just happened to be in the neighborhood and happened to be at the hardware store and happened to remember that your sink was playing up, and happened to have all my gear with me… So I thought since I’m passing by, I might as well have a look at it and fix it for ya.”
So if your guy is unusually active and looking for excuses to help you out in some way, then yeah.
You’ve definitely got yourself a sign that he knows he hurt you.
3. He Comes Bearing Gifts
Another cliché that never stops giving.
“I didn’t want that kitchen table of yours looking all lonesome, and since it’s the season ‘n all, I figured I’d get you a bouquet of your favorite flowers to decorate, ya know?”
Watch out for these kinds of signs.
He’ll look for things he can buy you as an indirect, unspoken apology because he knows he really hurt you.
But now, he’ll call, text and do things for you or give you gifts, just anything and everything to find excuses to NOT leave you alone.
So, he’s trying a form of combination of the first three signs we mentioned.
You can think of it as your (ex)boyfriend having zero aim and little understanding of what you truly need, but his heart’s in the right place…
That’s why he’ll load a truck full of all the good he can offer, come over to your place and overwhelm you with it all, hoping something will stick and make you forgive him, because he knows he caused you pain.
5. He’s (Hesitantly) Apologetic
As mentioned, men can have a tough time putting emotions into words.
It’s like he’s got a block of something stuck in his throat that only permits indecipherable grunts and limited facial expressions.
And he’ll be proudly proclaiming that he made his apology, when all you got was:
“I’ll admit that I could’ve done things a bit better.”
Depending on your guy, he’ll be okay at- or downright miserable with apologies.
Nevertheless, it’s how a person acts when they are guilty, so consider it another sign that he knows he hurt you.
6. He Gives You Puppy Eyes
You know that cute face he puts on when he wants something from you?
Yeah, that one.
Well, he’s gonna dial that absurdly irresistible adorableness to a whole different dimension so that you simply can’t resist him.
As previously mentioned, be weary of such cuteness-overload tactics and make sure he acknowledges his mistake and that he hurt you.
But him trying to win you over this way, is another sign that he knows he hurt you.
7. He Makes Promises to Change
When he feels like he’s on your good side again, he’ll likely make sweeping promises of all the things he will (or already has changed) and how everything will be different this time.
Again, if it’s your ex that hurt you, be careful and take things slowly.
Because as well intended and genuine as his promises may be, things don’t change so quickly in relationships.
But his promises are definitely another sign that he knows he hurt you.
So now we’ve covered all the signs with which he can (often indirectly) communicate that he understands and knows he messed up.
Here they are again:
He Texts and Calls More
He Does Things for You
He Comes Bearing Gifts
He Just Won’t Leave You Alone
He’s (Hesitantly) Apologetic
He Gives You Puppy Eyes
He Makes Promises to Change
But what if he doesn’t give you these signs?
What if he’s so stuck up in his own ways, that he doesn’t even realize what he’s done?
Well, in that case you’ll unfortunately have to make him realize it.
So in order to change this, you first need to talk to him about why he doesn’t see that he hurt you.
Why is he blind to it?
You’ll need to have gentle conversations with him about it, and the reason he has difficulty realizing he hurt you is often because he’s blind to his own pain about similar issues.
He doesn’t really know or understand.
So be sure to take things slow and gain his trust, otherwise he’ll just throw up another wall.
Once you’ve had those conversations, he’ll be less blind to his own pain and in turn be able to realize that he hurt you.
How Do You Make a Guy Regret Hurting You
Some of you have asked how you can make a man feel bad for hurting you.
Well, once you’ve helped him be less blind to his own pain, he’ll finally see what he’s put you through and with that will come A LOT of regret.
He’ll see all the difficulty and pain he caused, and the fact that you stuck it through with him will also make him realize YOUR VALUE!
You can likely expect him to regret it for a long time, and he’ll keep bringing up moments from the past that he’s reframed and finally recognize them as painful moments he caused for you.
I’ll admit that some men can be a difficult case to crack, and their walls feel like concrete barricades that are impossible to penetrate.
And experiencing repeated rejection and ignoring from a guy like this can feel really discouraging.
In a coaching call, we’ll listen to you, to get a crystal clear picture of what your situation is with your man.
You’ll then get clear actionable steps to take, which will lead to him finally understanding the pain he caused you and give you an appropriate apology.
Which in turn will help you heal and find security in your relationship again.
We always believed that relationships should be FUN and uplifting! And we were obsessed with finding real-world practical solutions for our relationship problems. Today we help others do the same with our blog.
To provide the best experiences, we and our partners use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us and our partners to process personal data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site and show (non-) personalized ads. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Click below to consent to the above or make granular choices. Your choices will be applied to this site only. You can change your settings at any time, including withdrawing your consent, by using the toggles on the Cookie Policy, or by clicking on the manage consent button at the bottom of the screen.
Functional
Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes.The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional
Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes.The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
