How to Deal With a Husband Who Thinks He Does Nothing Wrong

by Gabriel Brenner | Feb 20, 2022 | Commitment, Relationships

Photo by Kiera Burton

So your husband thinks he does nothing wrong.

He considers himself above all mistakes.

He knows everything and is the unequivocal expert on all matters in your relationship and beyond.

If something goes wrong or if you’re unhappy, that’s all on you.

Because again, your husband thinks he does nothing wrong. So by extension, if it’s not him, then it’s implied (or he straight up tells you) that it’s all somehow YOUR fault.

He washes his hands of the discussion, and goes back to being distant.

…Leaving you feeling unhappy and emotionally abandoned in your marriage…

If that sounds like your current situation, then know you’re NOT ALONE with this.

Many women have to contend with a spouse that simply won’t hear it and think he knows better.

And I’ll be the first to admit that as a husband, I too struggled with this problem with my wife Karolina.

Now, I may not fall onto the extreme end of the spectrum, but the reasons behind this behavior and how to deal with them are the same.

So in this post, I’d like to share our experience with you and how Karolina helped me grow out of not being able to admit I was wrong.

You’ll be able to apply the lessons we learned to your own marriage, so that you can finally hear your husband GENUINELY say the words:

“I was wrong, I’m sorry.”

To help you reach this point, we’ll be covering the following questions:

• What type of person never admits they’re wrong?
• Why does my husband think he does nothing wrong?
• How do you deal with a husband who is never wrong?

What Type of Person Never Admits They’re Wrong

When trying to understand your husband’s behavior, it can be helpful to have a term that captures how you feel about him.

You may have heard or thought of some of the following labels:

• Selfish husband
• Narcissistic husband
• Controlling husband
• Emotionally unavailable

Now, he may be one (or all) of these things, and you have every right to be angry/upset and may want to call him things far worse!

However…

When Karolina tried pointing out my resistance to thinking I was wrong and how controlling I could be, it would fall on deaf ears.

We had to go beyond these labels to get me to admit fault.

Because as it turns out, the type of person to never admit they are wrong, is someone who is actually best labeled ‘terribly AFRAID’

Which brings us to our next point…

Why Does My Husband Think He Does Nothing Wrong

Let’s get into your husband’s head a little.

This way, you’ll know exactly what you’re grappling with, which in turn will help you approach him in a way that he can admit he’s wrong.

So, when Karolina confronted me about something I did wrong, and I would stonewall, it was because of a very simple reason:

I was afraid of the negative consequences of doing something wrong.

You see, in our lives we’re often taught that if we make mistakes, it means we deserve punishment.

It can start at a young age, with experiences of being abandoned by a parent in a shopping mall because you were a “Bad child”.

Or more extreme cases, like being hit because you accidentally broke a vase.

Likewise in adulthood you can experience this wrong=punishment dynamic in toxic relationships.

The summary of these experiences in my youth and adulthood lead to me being a husband who insisted he did nothing wrong…

(And also made it difficult for me to open up.)

Because I was so conditioned to believe that being wrong = deserving of punishment.

In the same way, your husband will have his own backstory where he repeatedly experienced excessive punishment (often unjustified) over being wrong.

That’s why he turns everything around on YOU.

That is why your husband thinks he does nothing wrong!

Because he’s afraid that if he’s wrong, he’ll deserve punishment.

And he’s trying to avoid punishment at all costs. So he’ll never give you that win!

To top it all off, he’s likely NOT EVEN AWARE of this mechanism and just how badly it can lead to him being emotionally unavailable.

So the type of person to never apologize and insist they are always right, are typically ones who have experienced excessive punishment over (often small) mistakes.

And when you try to make him see his mistake, he thinks you’re trying to find a way to make him wrong and justify punishing him.

Make sense?

Now, this DOES NOT mean that his behavior is okay, and that you have to put up with it!

Because we know how endlessly giving in your relationship also can’t end well for you.

But seeing it from this perspective will give you much more power over him in your relationship dynamic.

Which brings us to…

How Do You Deal With a Husband Who Is Never Wrong

First things first.

Don’t try to fight fire with fire.

You know from your own experience that when you live with someone who is never wrong, the more you attack and try to make him see he’s wrong, the more he’ll stonewall you.

Your husband will just plant his feet and selfishly insist he’s done nothing wrong.

Pushing won’t get you anywhere with him. It’ll also drain you fast and make you lose patience…

But how do you deal with a rigid husband, then??

You need to gain his trust, so he reveals his vulnerable side.

Only then will you be able to make him listen to you.

Allow me to explain…

Previously, we covered how when you try to deal with a husband who thinks he is always right, you need to keep in mind that he is afraid of being wrong.

And he is afraid of admitting he’s done something wrong because he believes that it would mean he deserves punishment.

So the only way to actually get through your husband’s defense mechanism is to gain his trust and make him feel safe.

In other words, you need to build and demonstrate that there’s a big safety net for him with giant letters that read:

It’s OKAY to be wrong and make mistakes.

Nothing bad will happen to you.

Only then will you be able to make your husband realize his mistake.

Otherwise, he’ll fight you tooth and nail and never admit he’s wrong, because he doesn’t trust you yet.

It was the same for me with Karolina and I guarantee you, your husband is eyeing you up the same way, thinking:

“Can I really trust her?”

What’s important to note here, is that men are secretly desperate for this kind of safe space, where they can admit fault and feel safe.

Because believe me, the pressure of keeping up the facade of always being ‘right’ and having it all figured out, is actually an immense weight that we’re eager to unload.

So, gradually gain more of his trust and convey to him that you’re a safe space in which there won’t be any punishment.

And your husband will fall into your arms, pouring his heart out and apologizing for all his wrong doings…

Thanks for reading, you can drop your questions in the comments section and if you’d like to learn more on this topic, you might want to read: He Gets Defensive When I Tell Him How I Feel – How to Get Through.

Gabriel

The Best Relationship Affirmations for Love and Connection

by Gabriel Brenner | Feb 11, 2022 | Commitment, Relationships

Photo by Charlotte May

Relationship affirmations are a great way to help you manifest more of what you want in your love life.

Because let’s be honest…

Our relationships often unfold very differently than the way we expect or hope them to.

And sometimes the difficulties we’re faced with can leave us feeling defeated by all the negative voices.

We all experience relationship doubts and maybe even hopelessness.

But what we need in these moments is to be reminded of why love is WORTH fighting for.

To assert that you’re not giving up and clearly state your desires.

This is where relationship affirmations come in.

They will remind you of all the great efforts you are already making AND get you in touch with additional relationship aspirations, that’ll help you feed the positivity.

What Are Relationship Affirmations

In case you’re new to affirmations:

Affirmations are positive statements that help you focus on the outcomes you desire.

So in the context of relationships, they are the affirmations for the love and connection we all crave.

Another way to think about them is as a counter force to negative thoughts about your relationship.

The affirmations keep the negativity at bay and reinforce all the good stuff instead.

I’ve structured the best affirmations into types, so that you can scroll straight to the ones that you need the most.

And without further ado, here are some of the most powerful affirmations for you, to manifest the relationship you want.

Relationship Affirmation Types:

• Healthy Relationship Affirmations
• Happy Relationship Affirmations
• Lasting Relationship Affirmations
• Romantic Relationship Affirmations
• Commitment Affirmations
• Marriage Affirmations

Healthy Relationship Affirmations

1. I balance mine and my partner’s needs
2. I am strong enough to face our relationship challenges
3. I take time and space from my relationship when I need it
4. I listen to my own and my partner’s needs
5. I will be honest and open with my partner
6. My partner and I share a deep harmonious bond
7. We keep our relationship healthy and nurture it
8. We communicate truthfully and lovingly
9. We accept our relationship as imperfect but continue to learn and grow
10. Our relationship is built on honesty and trust

Happy Relationship Affirmations

1. I deserve happiness in my relationship
2. I choose to build on the positivity in our relationship
3. I feel happy and smile when I think of him
4. I am grateful for the peace and stability we share
5. I am happy to give and receive love
6. I am worthy of abundant happiness
7. My relationship gives me a sense of safety and feeling content
8. My partner and I make our happiness a top priority
9. My partner and I deserve all the imaginable joy in our relationship
10. Our journey is towards a harmonious & happy relationship

Lasting Relationship Affirmations

1. I will do my best to support and love my partner
2. I put my relationship and happiness first
3. I appreciate our lasting love
4. My partner and I stand by each other
5. My partner and I accept each other’s strengths and weaknesses
6. My partner and I openly communicate our desires and boundaries
7. We get through the tough times by supporting each other
8. We deserve a fulfilling, happy and lasting relationship
9. Our relationship bond will last a lifetime
10. Our love is greater than the challenges we face

Romantic Relationship Affirmations

1. I deserve love, affection and romance in my relationship
2. I make gestures of romance and appreciation for my partner
3. I am inspired to show my love through romantic gestures
4. I am worthy of receiving romantic gestures
5. I allow time for creating romantic evenings with my partner
6. I notice the small romantic moments in our everyday relationship
7. Romance strengthens and deepens the bond with my partner
8. We love the spontaneity romance brings to our relationship
9. Our relationship grows through romance
10. Our relationship is like an epic romantic tale with a happy end

Commitment Affirmations

1. I am wholeheartedly committed to my relationship
2. I am happy and secure in my relationship
3. I trust my partner and my partner trusts me
4. With every passing year, I am happier in my relationship
5. My partner and I choose to commit to our relationship
6. We are meant to be together
7. The love in our relationship is boundless
8. Nothing can come between our relationship
9. Our relationship is built on respect and loyalty
10. Our commitment to each other only grows deeper

Marriage Affirmations

1. I nurture and protect our marriage
2. I love and cherish my spouse
3. I seek moments to express my love and appreciation
4. I choose to stand by my spouse
5. We treat each other better than when we first met
6. We are happily married
7. We meet each other’s needs
8. We continue to treat each other with respect and appreciation
9. Our marriage is committed to truth and love
10. Our marriage can withstand anything

Do Affirmations Work for Relationships

Now, some of you might be wondering whether reading relationship affirmations can really invoke the positive change you wish for.

Reminding yourself of what you want in your relationship and focusing on those values with affirmations helps in the following ways:

• It keeps you focused on what is working
• You stay in touch with your relationship goals
• Your focus is on the positive instead of the negative

Simply put, relationship affirmations are a tool to visualize the relationship you want.

And just like learning ways to tell him you love him, they contribute to a happy relationship.

But the truth is, that affirmations alone are not enough.

I hope you found these affirmations inspiring and helpful, if you’d like more to read on a related topic, maybe you want to check out: How to Use 5 Love Languages to Fix Your Relationship.

Also, let me know what your favorite affirmations are in the comments section!

Gabriel

Tired of Begging for Attention In Your Relationship? Here’s What to Do!

by Karolina Bartnik | Jan 31, 2022 | Commitment, Relationships

Photo by Kyle Broad

No wonder you’re tired of begging for attention in your relationship, having to constantly beg your boyfriend or husband for any proof of love and care is absolutely exhausting!

Maybe you’re so frustrated with this situation, it makes you question if he cares about you at all….

Or worse yet, his absent-mindedness and rejection is already taking a toll on your confidence and making you feel like perhaps you’re the one who is doing something wrong.

Regardless of what your situation is exactly, know that you’re not alone with this!

I, too, used to have a really hard time getting the attention I wanted and needed from my boyfriend, friends or even my family.

And first off, I want to reassure you: there is a way out of this!

You can break out of this vicious cycle of having to constantly beg for attention and never actually getting enough of it.

In this post, let’s talk about why we feel like we have to beg for attention and how to fix it.

Why Do I Have to Beg for Attention

If you’re feeling tired of having to beg for attention the whole time, you’re likely also lost as to how it’s come to this.

That’s why I’ll start off explaining what is going on in relationships that face this very problem.

The direct reason you feel like you have to beg for attention, is because you’ve been unsuccessfully trying to get it for a while now and feel like begging for it is all you have left!

In other words, your partner isn’t giving you the attention you need.

But why is it sometimes SO HARD to get enough love and care from your significant other?!

The answer to this question is likely not what you’d expect.

There are two main factors that cause people to become so desperate that they resort to begging for attention in a relationship:

1. Your Partner Is Blind to Your Needs

Yes, that’s right. It’s not that he doesn’t care about you.

It’s very likely that he simply doesn’t understand the things you’re needing from him.

For example, I wanted to feel like I’m more important to my boyfriend than his job, and that was a bit of an alien concept to him.

I had to explain it for a long time and in great detail for him to be able to get what I was needing from him and why.

Which brings me to the second big factor that is likely contributing to you feeling tired of having to beg for his attention…

2. You Might Not Be Communicating Your Needs in a Way He Can Understand

When we’re in a romantic relationship, we often feel so close to our boyfriend or husband, we tend to assume that they know what we’re thinking.

These kinds of assumptions could not be further from the truth!

Unfortunately, loving each other doesn’t mean you can read each other’s mind.

To make matters worse, us women typically just hint at what we want in the hopes that our boyfriend or husband will catch on…

…and when he doesn’t, we jump to conclusions, get upset and feel like we have to start begging for things.

The thing is, sending subtle hints and expecting your partner to read your mind are both extremely ineffective at actually getting what you want from him.

So, the second big reason why you’ve been forced to beg for his attention, could be that you don’t yet know how to ask for it in a way your partner can understand and respect.

This brings me to my next point:

Is It Okay to Ask For Attention in a Relationship?

I used to resort to the hinting technique in the past too.

I did it because I believed that straight-up asking for what I wanted would make me seem desperate or needy.

In reality, the opposite is true.

It’s leaving hints and subtle messages, that leads to us eventually having to beg for attention.

Which definitely makes us look desperate and needy!

So yes, it’s okay to ask for attention in a relationship!

In fact, it’s more than ok, it’s what can give you the best chances at actually getting attention!

How to Stop Begging for Attention

Now that you know why you had to beg for his attention and that it’s okay to simply ask for it, we can finally get to the most important part of this article.

Here, I’ll cover strategies you can use to break your patterns and actually get your boyfriend or husband to give you what you need:

1. Know That Your Needs Matter

The fact that you’ve been forced to beg for attention, likely made you doubt yourself and feel like maybe you’re asking too much.

In order to break out of this hurtful situation, you need to discard these kinds of doubts.

Everybody needs and deserves attention.

Knowing that your needs matter, are justified and important will make it much easier for you to stop begging and start communicating things instead.

2. Ask For What You Want

Now that you remember that your need for attention matters and is justified, there is nothing standing in your way to simply ask for what you want.

Don’t expect your boyfriend or husband to read your mind or get your hints.

Be as clear and straightforward as you can instead.

Explain things and repeat yourself if needs be. Try to get him to listen and understand what you’re wanting and why you’re wanting it.

3. Prepare for His Resistance

It is unfortunate, but don’t expect things to go smoothly at first.

Trying to communicate a need to your boyfriend or husband, who might be entirely blind to them, is not going to be easy.

He is likely going to be defensive when you start telling him how you feel.

Don’t let his attitude silence you again. You deserve to get what you want from him.

4. Set Boundaries if He Discards or Ignores Your Needs

What’s even worse than him being defensive about you wanting his attention, is him discarding your needs and making you feel like you’re being unreasonable.

Don’t let him get away with it.

Set boundaries when necessary and make him experience that his choices have consequences.

5. Stay Strong and Don’t Give Up

Stopping yourself from begging for love is not going to happen from one day onto the next.

It’s more of a process rather than a sudden change.

Keep trying, celebrate every little victory and most importantly, don’t give up!

Stopping to beg for love and attention is not easy. It’s not something I would have never managed all by myself…

But there are many resources out there that can help you become better and better at asking and insisting on what you want.

I hope you now have a better understanding of why you’ve been begging for attention and know what to do, to stop it in your relationship.

If you have any questions about this post or about our course, leave me a comment, and I’ll get back to you.

In case you’re looking for more tips on how to get him to take you seriously, you might want to check out our other article: 4 Steps to Make Him Worry About Losing You

Karolina

How Often Do Couples Fight in a Healthy Relationship

by Gabriel Brenner | Jan 31, 2022 | Commitment, Relationships

Photo by Afif Kusuma

Since you’re asking, how often do couples fight, you’re likely in the same position we were once in:

You’re fighting too often, feel frustrated (maybe even given up), and want to know what a ‘normal amount’ of fighting in a relationship actually is.

If so, then you’re in the right place.

Karolina and I used to fight A LOT in our relationship. Like too much.

Honestly, it was absolutely exhausting.

We both felt so drained with the repeating arguments.

And fighting for HOURS on end seemed to go nowhere and only left us feeling even worse and discouraged about the future of our relationship…

But more on that later.

Let’s first get to that burning question of yours, ‘How often do couples fight?’

To be clear, when we say “Fight” we mean an emotional, often heated argument.

So we’re not talking about small disagreements over who’s getting the milk today or briefly bickering over what series to watch.

I mean ACTUAL arguments that leave you feeling bitter, hurt or angry.

Now that that’s clarified, based on working with our clients and the thousands of emails and comments we get from you guys:

On average, couples fight 1 to 3 times per week.

Which means couples fight as often as 130 times in a year.

But that might not help you much…

That’s the goal, right?

So let’s figure out how to do that, and along the way we’ll answer the questions we’ve heard from all of you:

• Is fighting necessary in a relationship?
• What is a healthy amount of fighting?
• And finally, How do I stop fighting with my partner?

Is Fighting Necessary in a Relationship

The short answer is: Yes, fighting is often necessary for couples.

Why?

Because a relationship is two people that are doing their best to support, love and take care of each other’s needs…

AND we’re all pretty terrible at communicating & negotiating our needs.

So instead of having a courteous exchange and compromising where necessary, things tend to escalate into full-blown fights, fueled by misunderstanding, fear and buried trauma.

So fighting is the NEXT BEST THING we do, to try and have our needs met in a relationship…

Even if it sometimes raises concerns about whether it’s maybe a love-hate relationship.

Now, you might also be wondering if there are couples who never fight?

And yes, there are.

But the couples who never fight, are unfortunately also often the very ones who make the mistake of believing that not quarrelling means that everything is okay.

They later experience breakups that seemingly come out of nowhere!

Which is sad, because their relationship could have been fixed sooner.

But given that their true feelings were swept under the rug for TOO LONG, it turns out one (or both) partners were secretly terribly unhappy for years.

I can’t begin to tell you how many of our coaching calls have revolved around this very issue.

So a relationship without arguments is rarely healthy; not fighting does NOT necessarily equal a happy couple.

When a couple fights, they typically have better chances of staying together, because they’re at least trying to talk about their unmet needs.

Which means even happy couples can have phases of often fighting in their relationships.

Having said all of that, it doesn’t mean you can’t reduce the amount of fighting and HOW you fight in your relationship to make it more bearable!

What Is a Healthy Amount of Fighting in a Relationship

So if you’re in a situation that has you asking whether it’s normal to fight every day in a relationship, the answer is: No, fighting every day is not normal and definitely on the intense side.

But if you’re both working through some bigger issues or challenges, and you’re fighting every day for just one week, that’s understandable!

(Be sure to say these phrases to smoothen things out afterwards)

When Karolina and I made big life-changing decisions (Like transitioning from our old jobs to working on our blog full-time) we also had a more intense phase of fighting, which gradually died out as our lives stabilized again.

And that is what your own fighting pattern might sometimes look like too.

You have a few months of peaceful harmony, followed by a week or two of fighting more often.

And depending on how big the issue is that you’re working through, a relationship fight can last from an hour, to as long as a few days!

But the best way to know how often you should be fighting with your partner, is to think of it in terms of ratio instead of time.

(Because it’s not always the same, some months you’ll fight less and others more)

This means that it’s not about the hours or days you spend fighting, but how much of your overall time is spent fighting, vs. how often you’re enjoying each other’s company:

An average healthy amount of fighting in a relationship is anything up to 25% of your time together.

So that the remaining 75% is then about all the good stuff, like going on dates, connecting, having fun, even taking on life together with shared responsibilities!

…Now, some of you might be thinking:

If the amount of fighting is far above 25%, should you quit a relationship?

And the answer is not necessarily.

You don’t need to end a relationship if you’re fighting a lot.

Because issues can be worked out, and you can learn to talk to your partner in ways that don’t keep things calm.

If you’re concerned that your relationship might be truly toxic though, then you might want to read our post: 
5 Things 
That Need 
to Change 
for a Toxic
 Relationship
 to Get Better.

How Do I Stop Fighting With My Partner

So far we’ve talked about how arguing is often necessary in relationships because it’s how we try to express and have our needs met.

It’s not perfect, but it’s typically the best we can do at the time!

We’ve also covered how often you should be fighting in a range that is still considered healthy, which is no more than a ¼ of your time.

Now, in order to stop fighting with your partner (or dramatically reduce fighting), you need to have a new mindset about conflicts and learn some powerful relationship skills.

Starting with:

1. Improve Your Communication Skills

Yes, the age-old cliché.

You’ve heard it often before, and I guarantee it won’t be the last time.

Because being able to communicate in a way that makes your partner listen is one of the best first steps you can take to reduce how often you have disagreements with them.

Many people just argue the way they saw their parents do it, and that remains the unquestioned standard throughout their lives.

But our parents didn’t have it all figured out.

There’s plenty of room to grow, even if it’s just a few minutes spent on learning easy 3 communication hacks.

Little efforts towards skills like these will already help couples reduce how frequently they fight.

2. Identify the Root Cause

When couples fight, they often get stuck in shallow arguments and never identify the root cause (The underlying problem that is actually creating the argument!)

It might often start with you feeling upset about something and you try to express it.

Your partner takes it personally and gets upset about what you expressed.

Which in turn upsets you, because you don’t feel understood and he’s gone and made it about himself again!

And on and on it goes…

Things gradually escalate until emotions are running so high, that you’re either screaming at each other or silently brooding.

And even though an hour or more might have passed, there’s still NO RESOLUTION!

Everybody is just frustrated, angry and hurt.

This is because the attention was on the surface problems. (and often trying to ‘win’ the fight or ‘be right’)

But if you can redirect your focus on identifying the root cause which is driving the argument, you can stop fighting much sooner and actually solve it!

For example, once when we were travelling, Karolina asked if she could take a nap while I drove. I said of course, but while she was asleep, I missed our exit on the highway, which caused a whopping 1-hour detour.

We fought about it and got nowhere, until we started focusing on identifying the root cause.

And it turned out that it was actually about Karolina feeling like she couldn’t relax and trust anyone but herself with responsibility.

She felt alone with it and was afraid that she always had to stay alert and couldn’t trust others.

Root cause: Her need for feeling safe was not met.

3. Address the Root Cause

Once this was clear, we could focus on and address her unmet need instead of endlessly blaming and arguing with each other.

We could finally SOLVE the fight.

Phew, what a relief!

So we had a long discussion about Karolina’s unmet need and found ways to help her feel more safe.

She was happy, I was happy and we could get back to enjoying our trip.

In conclusion, if you take this kind of approach, you won’t fight as often.

Otherwise, there are plenty of other posts on our blog that you can browse to inform yourself about all sorts of relationship topics, including one you might find relevant: Your Boyfriend Fights With You on Every Small Issue? Here Is What to Do!

Got any questions that remain unanswered? Let me know in the comments section!

Gabriel