How to Gain Your Partner’s Trust

How to Gain Your Partner’s Trust

Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes

Being in a relationship with a person who doesn’t trust you can be challenging, especially if their lack of trust feels completely unjustified. You’ve done nothing but prove yourself as a trustworthy person, treated your partner with love and respect, you were reliable, you were there for them yet he or she is still distant and doesn’t want to let you in.

This kind of situation can be extremely hurtful and frustrating.

Don’t worry though, this is a very common problem and you can fix it.

There are lots of ways you can gain your partner’s trust.

In this article, I will share the strategies that helped me get Gabriel to trust me more.

1. Don’t Take Their Mistrust Personally

I know that is a difficult one. Your loved one not trusting you often feels very personal. However, chances are your partner’s trust issues arose way before you two started dating.

If you have done nothing to lose your partner’s trust, you’re probably in the clear. His or her lack of trust has most likely nothing to do with you or your behavior.

Maybe they have been cheated on in the past or betrayed by their best friend. Or maybe their parents were very unreliable and always arrived late when picking them up from school.

Everyone goes through their share of disappointments in people.

Believing that your partner’s trust issues are your fault will most likely lead to you blaming him/her for it. It will cause an argument and both you and your partner will end up feeling hurt.

So don’t take responsibility for issues you have not caused.

2. Don’t Push Them Out Of Their Comfort Zone

When being in a relationship with a person who has problems with trust, you might feel tempted to try to push them past their issues. Even though this attitude might give you some quick results, it will absolutely backfire in the long run.

People say “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. Or that you have to push past your limits, otherwise you won’t get anywhere in life.

This kind of attitude really doesn’t work when it comes to building trust.

Trying to force your partner to trust you will most likely resent you for it. In the long run, it will only just push him/her away.

There are times in relationships when taking certain steps might feel like a bit of a jump. However, there is a difference between being slightly uncertain about some decisions, and feeling completely lost and overwhelmed.

If you want to gain your partner’s trust, don’t push them to do things they’re ready for.

3. Notice Their Vulnerability And Reward It With Kindness

Letting another person into your intimate emotional space is scary. Understand that for your partner it might be a big deal to trust you even with little things.

Learn to notice when your partner is being vulnerable and always try to reward that behavior.

For example, if your partner wants to rearrange the furniture in his/her bedroom and asks for your advice, don’t take charge and try to redecorate the entire place.

Notice that, by asking for your opinion, your partner is being vulnerable and reward it by listening to him/her and helping to find a solution he or she will be happy with.

Rewarding vulnerability will encourage your partner to open up and trust you more.

4. Be There For Them When They’re Weak

Everybody faces some tough times in life. Being there for your partner in their hour of need is a great way to earn their trust.

There are multiple ways to show your partner you have their back when they need you most.

Some are really simple like doing the grocery shopping and cooking for them when they catch a cold.

When a person truly needs help, the simplest acts of kindness can really make their day.

For example, I’ve strained a muscle while exercising recently and as a result couldn’t put my socks on without feeling major pain.

Letting Gabriel put my socks on for me for a week actually felt very vulnerable, but at the same time, it was a great trust-building experience.

Allowing your partner to be weak around you will inevitably open them up and will let you gain their trust.

5. Show An Active Interest In Them

Deep down we all love to talk about ourselves. Nothing will help to gain your partner’s trust more, than showering them with attention. Listen to them, understand their world. Get to know their opinion on things, their likes, and dislikes.

Even if you feel like you know your partner completely, remember, there is always more to learn about a person.

Showing an active interest in your partner give him/her space to be their true self around you. It will help to let their guard down and build trust towards you.

If you need some help in figuring out how to get to know your partner, you might want to check out the 30 Unique Questions To Get To Know Someone.

Conclusion

Being together with a person who is afraid to trust can be challenging. Nonetheless, there is a lot you can do to improve it.

Building trust takes time and requires lots of patience. However, every little step on the way of getting your partner to let you in is extremely rewarding.

Moreover, trust is not a finite resource in a relationship. There is no such thing as trusting somebody completely. So no matter what stage your relationship you’re in, there is always room for more trust between you and your partner.

If you found this article helpful, you might want to save it to Pinterest for later or share it on your preferred platform via the social media buttons below. It supports us in creating more exciting content for you!

I’d love to hear about your experiences with trust building in your relationship. Let me know in the comment section below!

Karolina

30 Questions to Ask Your Man to Know Him Better

30 Questions to Ask Your Man to Know Him Better

Photo by Scott Webb.

Getting to know your man is an endless journey, there are always more layers to uncover and things to discover. Questions are obviously a fantastic way to dig a little deeper to find the good stuff.

If you’ve fallen into the trap of assuming you’ve learned everything there is to know about him, think again.

Every man carries with him, an endless pool of untold stories, mysteries and sometimes secrets he is not even aware of carrying.

I want you to look at your partner and imagine that he was once a baby, a kid, a teenager and then grew into the man he is today.

That is a lot of time!

By the time he is 30 years old, he has spent about 260,000+ hours on this planet!

That means he’s met hundreds of people, had thousands of thoughts and countless emotional experiences.

No matter how much my girlfriend Karolina talks to me, there are always new things she discovers about me (often to my own surprise) and men trust their partner more when they’re curious about them!

So here they are.

Questions to Know Him Better:

1. Did you prefer hanging out with girls or boys as a kid?

2. Who were your best friends in life?

3. Do you have any scars and what are their stories?

4. What was a secret you kept as a kid, that you haven’t told anybody to this day?

5. What is the one thing you’ve always been curious to try but never dared to?

6. What do you think is wrong with the world and how would you fix it?

7. Were you closer to your mother or father?

8. Is there something that society deems restricted to women that you’ve always been curious to try?

9. What is the biggest burden you carry all by yourself?

10. If you could have one superpower what would it be and what is the first thing you would do with it?

11. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

12. What was your favorite band as a teenager and what were their top songs?

13. What is it you enjoy most in your life and what does it give you?

14. What’s your least favorite habit in people?

15. If you were a car, which would it be?

16. What is something you wish you had more time for in your life?

17. What stereotype of men do you vehemently disagree with?

18. If you had a month to yourself with endless money, what would you do?

19. Are you comfortable sleeping at night? Is there anything that would make it better?

20. What is your favorite musical instrument and what makes it so special?

21. If you could turn back time, what would you undo?

22. What science fiction technology, do you wish was ubiquitous today?

23. Do you have role models? Who are they and what do you admire about them?

24. What movie had the biggest impression on you in your youth?

25. Is there something you always wished somebody would ask you, but nobody ever did?

26. What is an opinion you previously held as true that you disagree with today?

27. Do you believe you can trust people?

28. What is that one things that is missing most in your life?

29. At what point in your life did you feel the most inspired and by what?

30. What would a special somebody need to do, to make you feel really loved today?

Now remember not to just work your way down the list, this isn’t an interrogation after all.

So, these questions are a great start to get to know your man better, but they will have their limits. If you’re interested in bringing him even closer, be sure to check out our FREE 4-day Relationship Challenge.

You’ll learn how to connect with him on an even deeper level, that will make him want to open up towards you. Additionally, it will help you break any bad habits that are likely to shut him down again.

Click here to start your FREE 4-day Relationship Challenge.

Also, let us know what questions you’ve asked your partner, that helped you get to know them better in the comments section!

Gabriel

How to Get a Man to Commit

How to Get a Man to Commit

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez.

Being together with a guy who doesn’t want to commit is tough. It forces you to live in constant fear of being left. You might be asking yourself: “Is it my fault?” “Am I doing something wrong or is it that I’m simply not good enough?”

These are all very hurtful thoughts. Being uncertain whether your relationship will last or not can be very disheartening. But don’t worry. It is possible to get a man to commit!

I’ve done it. When we first started dating Gabriel was not sure whether he believed in monogamy at all. But as our relationship progressed, his attitude changed dramatically.

We are now fully committed to each other and often talk about growing old together.

In this article, I will share some tips that can help to get your man to commit.

1. Don’t Commit To Someone Who Is Not Serious About You

Before even beginning figuring out how to get a man to commit, you first have to filter out the ones that are not really interested in being in a relationship with you.

Sometimes you might find yourself having a crush on someone who does not reciprocate. When that is the case, it’s important to realize it as early as possible to avoid or minimize pain and heartbreak. That’s why it’s essential that you learn to notice when a person is stringing you along.

Actions speak louder than words. When you start dating someone who just happens to not be really that into you, chances of them admitting it straight to your face are slim to none.

A guy will rarely say to a girl “look, I’m not sure you’re quite good enough for me, so let’s keep this going and I’ll just keep looking… ok?”

That’s a really hurtful thing to say to a person.

However, it is really easy and quite common to communicate the same thing with actions.

Some things to look out for include:

  • Taking forever to reply to your texts
  • Never or rarely making an effort to arrange a date
  • Coming late or canceling last minute
  • Ghosting you for a couple of days or weeks and then reaching out again
  • Being vague/non-communicative
  • Lying or making up excuses

These kinds of behaviors communicate “I don’t really care about you, or this relationship”. People do these kinds of thing all the time. It’s not just guys who string girls along. Women do it as much as men do. Let’s be honest here, everybody does it. I’m not proud of it, but I’ve done it in the past too.

Regardless of how common and widespread this kind of treatment is, it doesn’t make it is ok. It is a hurtful thing to do to a person.

That’s why, if a guy treats you this way, it’s best to just move on.

You deserve to be with someone who will truly value you, someone who will make an effort to get to know you and win your love.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. There are a lot of guys out there who want to commit. So don’t waste your time chasing after the ones who don’t.

2. Don’t Try To Force A Guy To Commit To You

In order to get a guy to commit to you, you can’t try to force him into it. Commitment is a choice that he has to make for himself.

Us girls have a lot of covert ways of getting what we want out of our partners. We cry, withhold affection, dramatize. There are countless tactics women use to get men to behave a certain way.

Everybody gets a bit controlling every now and then. I’ve thrown tantrums for many trivial reasons.

But trying to make your partner do things your way is not a good habit for your relationship. Period. However, when it comes to commitment, it can really only do more harm than good.

When you pressure your partner to commit to you, you take away his choice to do so willingly.

To illustrate how commitment is not something you can forcefully make happen I will share a story of a friend of mine.

She was in a happy, committed relationship, living with her boyfriend, who totally loved her and wanted the relationship to last. However, she really wanted him to propose.

She kept on obsessing about it. Talked about it to all of her friends, got upset at him over and over again. This fight went on between them for a bit over a year.

After a while, she somehow managed to relax about not being engaged. She accepted that he will propose to her when he feels ready to.

About a month after my friend’s change of attitude, her boyfriend proposed.

After the proposal, he said to her

I couldn’t do it before. As long as you were stressing me about proposing, I felt like I’d be only doing me to make you happy. I didn’t want to propose to you just to make you happy, I wanted to propose to you because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you”.

She was super shocked and happy, she couldn’t believe it, yet it made perfect sense to her. They are happily married now.

In conclusion, commitment is about choosing to be faithful, truthful and trustworthy. It’s like a gift that you and your partner choose to give each other.

Gifts by their very nature have to be given freely.

3. Understand That Men Crave Commitment Too

It is a popular belief that only women crave the stability and safety of a committed relationship, whereas men just want to conquer and “spread their seed”.

Seeing the world through this lens forces both women and men to perceive the other as their enemy, due to this inherent conflict of interest.

Perceiving your partner as an enemy will inevitably hurt your relationship. Unfortunately, this divide between the sexes is so heavily reinforced in our society, it is really hard to escape it.

That is the reason why women try to control their boyfriends and pressure them into commitment. They simply feel like there is no other way.

However, that is not the case at all.

The truth is, there are a lot of men out there who crave the level of stability, safety, and intimacy that can only be achieved in a long-lasting committed relationship.

So chances are your boyfriend is as afraid of losing you and the safety you provide, just as much as you are afraid of losing him.

He is just less likely to admit it.

Men are taught to be strong, to show no weakness. Needing safety and being afraid of abandonment is a weakness. So it makes sense that men would be less likely to express it.

Perceiving your boyfriend not as a man, but as a person, will open him up. It will help you gain his trust and will inevitably make him grow more attached to you.

If you’re looking for more advice on how to get your boyfriend to be more vulnerable and open up to you, you might want to check out 5 Traits In Women That Make Men Emotionally Available

4. Become Irreplaceable to Him By Getting To Know Your Man And Building Trust

The best way to make sure that your man will never leave you is by providing value that simply cannot be replaced.

There are always going to be some other girls out there that are prettier, more fit or smarter than you. So it’s rather pointless to try to compete in these domains.

However, when it comes to knowing your man and gaining his trust, you have the advantage over all other women.

It takes time to get to know a person and even longer for them to open up and start truly trusting you.

Making an effort to get to know your man provides a huge value to them. It makes them feel important and appreciated.

He will begin to feel like he can be himself around you and that is rare, not many people get to experience that.

We all only show the facade of our true personality to the outside world because it is vulnerable to be ourselves. Everybody has lots of protective layers that they have built over the years.

Getting a guy to peel off these layers and let you in, takes time.

By the way, if you’re needing some inspiration on this matter, be sure to check out these 30 questions to get to know him better.

Another aspect of your relationship that can become completely irreplaceable is the trust you have built with your partner.

Just like with getting to know each other, trust building doesn’t happen overnight.

Trust is such a powerful quality in a relationship because it really solidifies the bond between you and your man. It is the foundation for love to grow.

If you manage to get your man to trust you, he will definitely want to commit to you.

In case you need some more advice on this, here’s how to gain your partner’s trust.

5. Be Motherly Towards Him

It is common knowledge that girls have daddy issues. When it comes to mommy issues in men, it is much less of a topic.

But let me tell you, men are absolute suckers for women who display motherly qualities.

By “being motherly” I don’t mean being patronizing and controlling.

I’m talking about real motherly character traits like being supportive, caring, nurturing, protective, understanding, patient, kind, etc.

Women really don’t appreciate how big of a deal all the above-mentioned qualities are to men.

Not unlike women, men are absolutely desperate to feel safe and taken care off.

If you can manage to make your partner feel this way, he will become your biggest champion.

So treat him with kindness, be understanding support him in his endeavors and he will want to be yours forever.

When you think about it, it is perfectly logical that men feel attracted and want to commit to someone who displays motherly qualities.

After all, you’re the potential future mother of his children, so it makes sense that he would put a lot of emphasis on that.

Conclusion

There are lots of ways that lead to a man’s heart. Commitment is all about gaining your boyfriends trust and getting him to open up to you.

You can’t force a guy to commit, but there is a lot you can do to make him take this step willingly.

So don’t give up when your man acts all distant and detached, it’s most likely just an act.

Understand his fears and find a way to let you into his world and he will not want to leave your side.

If you need some extra tips on how to get him to fully let you into his world, you might wanna check out: How to Get an Emotionally Unavailable Man to Open Up.

Now that you know that getting a man to commit to you is all about connecting with him on a deeper level, you might also want check out our FREE 4-Day Relationship challenge.

Here you’ll receive four insightful lessons and activities to boost your relationship. These four little things might just be what you need to get him to finally openly declare his attachment to you!

Click here to start your FREE 4-day Relationship Challenge.

If you have any questions or would like to share a bit your story with me, leave me a comment and I’ll get back to you!

Karolina

50 Songs to Restore Your Faith in True Love

50 Songs to Restore Your Faith in True Love

Photo by Blaz Erzetic

Relationships can be tough and there are times you might want to give up on them entirely. Here are 50 songs to help you restore your belief in true love again.

We’ve compiled some of our favourites that helped us as individuals and together along our journey to loving and understanding each other more.

The tracks are divided into Vocal and Instrumental and are in alphabetical order.

Cheesiness inbound. You’ve been warned.

Vocal

1. A Whole New World · Disney’s Aladdin

2. All I Ask Of You · Emmy Rossum & Patrick Wilson

3. Better Place · Rachel Platten

4. Breaking Free · Disney’s High School Musical

5. Call It What You Want · Taylor Swift

6. Can You Feel The Love Tonight · Disney’s Lion King

7. Capital Letters · Hailee Steinfeld

8. City of Stars · Ryan Gosling & Emma Stone

9. Colors Of The Wind · Disney’s Pocahontas

10. Dreaming My Dreams · The Cranberries

11. Everything Has Changed · Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran

12. Fight For This Love · Cheryl

13. Fire Meet Gasoline · Sia

14. Helium · Sia

15. I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing · Aerosmith

16. I Have Nothing · Whitney Houston

17. I Love You Too Much · The Book of Life

18. I See The Light · Disney’s Tangled

19. I wanna Grow Old with You · Westlife

20. If I Had You · Adam Lambert

21. Invisible · Linkin Park

22. It Girl · Jason Derulo

23. Love Me Like You · Ellie Goulding

24. Love You More · JLS

25. Lucky · Jason Mraz, Colbie Caillat

26. My Love · Sia

27. Never Had A Dream Come True · S Club 7

28. Part of Your World · Disney’s The Little Mermaid

29. Red · Taylor Swift

30. Ska8ter Boy · Avril Lavigne

31. Strange Magic · Electric Light Orchestra

32. Tale As Old As Time · Disney’s Beauty & the Beast

33. With Me · Sum 41

34. You Raise Me Up · Cover by Josh Groban

35. You’re Still The One · Shania Twain

Instrumental

36. Pride & Prejudice – A Postcard to Henry Purcell · Jean-Yves Thibaudet

37. Peter Pan – Fairy Dance · James Newton Howard

38. Edward Scissorhands – Ice Dance · Danny Elfman

39. Star Trek – Labor of Love · Michael Giachinno

40. Gone With The Wind Main Title · Max Steiner

41. FB&WTFT-Newt Says Goodbye to Tina · James Newton Howard

42. Love Actually – PM’s Love Theme · Craig Armstrong

43. Spirited Away – Reprise / Again · Joe Hisaishi

44. Shrek – Ride The Dragon · Harry Gregson Williams

45. HTTYD – Romantic Flight · John Powell

46. The Spectacular Now – Sutter and Amy · Rob Simonsen

47. Sherlock – The Woman · David Arnold

48. Beauty & The Beast – Transformation · Alan Menken

49. Stardust -Tristan & Yvaine · Ilan Eshkeri

50. Braveheart -Wallace Courts Murron · James Horner

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What are the songs you listen to, to inspire your love? Let us know in the comments below!

Best,

Karolina and Gabriel

How to Build a Lasting Relationship

How to Build a Lasting Relationship

Photo by Nathan Dumlao

Building a lasting relationship isn’t an easy endeavor but it’s not impossible. In this article, I will share the strategies that helped us made our relationship indestructible.

I organized my advice for you into the following main points:

  • Choose the right person
  • Don’t jump into commitments
  • Make an active effort to get to know your partner
  • Learn how to resolve arguments
  • Build trust over time
  • Be honest with your partner
  • Team up with your partner
  • Patience
  • Follow your heart and trust your gut
  • Don’t give up.

I will cover each one of these in detail.

Let’s jump right in!

1. Choose The Right Person

It is a common misconception that love is all about finding this one perfect person. Once you’re together everything will just fall into place.

That’s nonsense of course. No relationship is ever going to be completely effortless. However, finding the right partner is an important component that will either make or break a relationship.

But what do I mean by “the right partner”??

In my personal experience, these were the factors that I was guiding myself by when we first started dating:

Choose Someone You Really Want To Commit To

It takes two people to make a relationship last and YOU are one of them.

Just because a guy likes you, it doesn’t mean you have to like him back. Even if he seems like a good and safe bet.

Some girls say that even without the initial spark, chemistry might develop over time. They decide to trust their heads over their sexual desire and choose to be with someone because it seems like the reasonable thing to do.

I personally believe that you shouldn’t repress drives that you anyway cannot control. I’ve known people who repress and deny their needs for so long, that they often end up cheating on their partner.

So choose somebody you really want to be with! And when it comes to evaluating people, your emotions are your best compass.

You’ll know when something feels off. Follow your heart, listen to your instincts, trust your gut and GO FOR IT!

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

When we first started dating, Gabriel was like”I’m not sure what I want right now, let’s not define us just yet blah blah blah”.

But at the same time, he was arranging these crazy romantic dates and was making so much effort to get to know me. I’d never met or even heard of a guy who was so thoughtful and sweet.

I decided to trust his actions over his words and about a month and a half since we started dating he was suddenly like “I guess I do want us to be in an exclusive relationship. ..”

Side Note here.

I think it is perfectly natural for people to be hesitant about wanting or not wanting to commit in the very beginning of a relationship. It’s kinda logical, you’ve just started dating. You don’t know this person yet.

I think for me personally the first couple of weeks of undefined relationship status were actually really good. Having the space and time allowed me to slowly build the necessary trust I needed in order to let Gabriel into my life more.

Taking things slowly has been our approach in general and it really worked out for the best. 

2. Don’t Jump Into Commitments

Jumping into commitments hastily is often a sign of uncertainty and desperation. Big no no.

In order to explain why, I’m going to outline the difference between trust and blind faith.

Trust develops as people grow closer and get to know each other better. Trust in a relationship is based on your past experiences with that person.

For example, Gabriel had too many negative experiences with his family, that kept breaking his trust. Over time this lead to him not trusting anybody and going lone wolf. It wasn’t until years into our relationship that he suddenly announced:

“You CARE! You actually CARE about me!?”

He was so used to being betrayed, that me being there for him consistently over the years accumulated in me changing his mind.

This built immense trust from him and guess what? He became even more protective and fiercely loyal. So build each other up and build trust, it pays off immensely.

Blind faith, on the other hand, doesn’t require any past experiences. Blind faith is a way of repressing your doubts and pushing yourself past them. Your emotional alarm bells are ringing but you choose to ignore them and blindly believe that whatever it is you’re choosing, is going to magically work out.

I don’t know about you guys, but I have made many life choices based on blind faith and they didn’t work out the way I had hoped.

Making big commitments on a whim, will not get you that stable long-lasting relationship you’re longing for. There are just too many unknown factors.

Like with anything else in life, you’ve gotta take control and shape your relationship the way you want it to grow and this takes TIME, like years!

Don’t Let Others Pressure You Into Commitments

As if being constantly faced with own own fears and uncertainties wasn’t confusing enough. On top of that, there are people that just love adding fuel to the flame.

Relatives (in particular parents and grandparents) LOVE to try to control younger people’s love lives.

“When are you finally going to bring a boyfriend home? Do I have to find one for you, myself?”

“Why aren’t you guys getting married yet? When am I going to get my grandchildren?”

I’ve heard these sort of comments ever since I turned 15. They are super annoying.

For years they made me feel like I was somehow defective for not following the prescribed dating schedule.

For the longest time, I never introduced any of my boyfriends to my family, just because I knew they would make such a big deal out of it.

Pressure from relatives does more damage than good. It’s not easy to deal with it. Don’t let them bully you into making relationship choices for you!

About Peer Pressure

Everybody is a little bit insecure. Back in the 2000s, when I was in high school, smoking was cool. So I smoked every now and then in order to be perceived as cool.

Peer pressure works the same way in regards to relationships. When all of your friends have boyfriends and you’re the only one who doesn’t, it feels kinda crap.

Things start getting even worse when they all suddenly start to get married, buy houses together and prepare to have kids.

This pressure is hard on both men and women and it’s easy to fall for it.

Remember love is not a race. There is no need for hurrying things along.

Moreover, there are no prescribed steps or a “one right way” of doing relationships. Everybody is different.

Don’t let the expectations of other people drive you. Commit only when it feels like it’s something YOU truly want.

3. Make An Active Effort To Get To Know Your Partner

One crucial factor that contributes to making a relationship last is growing the bond between you and your partner. There is always more there to learn about them.

The better you get to know each other, the better you will become at understanding how the other one ticks.

It’s important to make an active effort to continuously understand your partner better.

We all have our stereotype biases and are a bit stuck in perceiving other people a certain way. But being on the receiving end of these kinds of judgments can be extremely hurtful.

I’m fairly short and have long blond hair. Whenever I’m in a business setting I hardly ever feel taken seriously. I had a similar experience with guys in my life.

They would try to exclude me from their “serious manly discussions”, or make assumptions as to what movies or music I like.

People are quick to assess and classify others. They say “Oh she is a Libra, she can’t make up her mind about anything”, “All girls just want to get married and have babies” or “Guys only think about sex and sports”. Most of these stereotypes are very inaccurate.

Each one of us is a unique human being with their own personal needs, preferences, and desires.

Perceiving your partner through a lense with all sorts of prejudice that is prevalent in our society, will inevitably make you two grow apart.

Making an active effort to get to know your boyfriend/girlfriend as a person can stop and even reverse the damage.

If you are having trouble understanding and getting to know your partner, you might want to check our our article: Why Are Relationships So Complicated?

4. Learn How To Resolve Arguments

Resolving arguments is such an important life skill, yet we are never really taught how to do it. There are debate clubs in schools, but the purpose of a debate is mostly to dominate your opponent.

Many people seem to apply the same strategy to their relationship disagreements.

Instead of striving to resolve the conflict at hand, we tend to focus on trying to win the fight.

Unfortunately this strategy only leads to more fighting, holding grudges and the issue deepening. It will weaken and can eventually damage your relationship.

That’s why, the ability to resolve arguments is crucial for making a relationship last. 

Here are some of our tips which can help you out with this:

Take Turns When Listening To One Another

There are always two sides to every fight.

Sometimes in order to be able to listen to your partner complain about behavior of yours, you need them to hear you out too.

Take turns listening to one another. Divide it into bite-sized chunks.

Gaining an understanding of even a smallest of issues between you two, can make all the difference.

Don’t Try To Solve Everything In One Go

When I used to be upset about things in the past, I wanted Gabriel to get EVERYTHING that I was upset about. That’s impossible though.

The bigger the issue the longer it’s going to take to solve it.

It’s all about taking a series of baby steps. In a couple of months, these can totally transform your relationship for the better.

Being Patient & Understanding Resolve Arguments Faster

This one is a tricky one. Nobody is infinitely patient and understanding. We all have our limits.

At the same time, it’s worth keeping in mind that kindness and positive reinforcement can work wonders.

Being kind to yourself and going easy on your partner might get you what you want much sooner than arguing about it. 

If you need more advice on how to deal with arguments in a relationship be sure to check out our article on How To Stop Fighting In Your Relationship.

5. Build Trust Over Time

The most important thing to understand about trust is that it’s a feeling.

And a really good one on top of that. It feels warm, fuzzy, stable and kinda grounding. Having someone you can trust is awesome.

A feeling is just a chemical reaction that goes on in the brain.

That’s why you can’t expect your partner to trust you, just because you want them to.

They can’t control their feelings just like you can’t control yours.

You can feel your feelings, or repress them and let them eat you up from inside, but you can’t control them.

Building trust takes time.

So how do you do it?

It’s quite simple really, you’ve just gotta be reliable, honest, supportive and caring. 😅

It’s just something that will naturally develop as you get to know each other better and grow closer.

There Can Always Room For More Trust In A Relationship

An important side note here. There is no such thing as trusting somebody completely. People say they do it, but I disagree.

There is always room to increase the amount of trust between you and your partner.

What I’m saying here is that having your partner’s trust and you trusting them is not an end goal. It’s a progressive development that will continuously make your relationship stronger.

6. Be Honest With Your Partner

Honesty is the foundation for the trust in a relationship.

But what does ‘Being honest with your partner’ exactly mean?

Do you have to share your every single thought with them?

Maybe… we kinda do that actually

It’s actually really relieving to be able to share all your thought with someone, it’s lots of fun too!

I don’t believe honesty is about sharing everything that goes through your brain. It’s just about the important stuff. The things that actually have an impact on the relationship.

We all know when we’re hiding something from our partner, or when we’re being dishonest about something.

Hiding and lying never work in a long run. The truth has a way of coming out sooner or later.

So if you want your relationship to last, you’ve gotta be honest with your partner.

Honesty Takes Courage

I was brought up with the attitude of not wanting to burden others with my problems. This meant keeping things to myself in order not cause other people some sort of distress.

However, already as a kid, I noticed that that attitude was counterproductive. For example, women in my family never admitted to health issues.

Keeping secrets like this just ended up making everyone endlessly worry about their state.

I think hiding things from your loved ones has little to do with not wanting to burden them, and everything to do with not having the guts to come out with your problems.

Admitting certain thoughts or feelings can be very scary but it totally pays off. Besides it’s okay to have needs! 

Sometimes People Don’t Want To Hear The Truth

It takes courage to admit certain things, but being on the receiving end of a confession can be just as much of a big deal.

Your partner revealing parts of themselves that might threaten your relationship may just make you think:

Why is he/she telling me this, can’t we just pretend and act as if nothing ever happened?!

Certain truths can be hard to bear, like that your partner feels attracted to someone else, or is unsure whether he/she is ready to fully commit yet etc.

If you let those things go unacknowledged, they will inevitably create a rift and destroy the trust between you and your partner.

So hearing your significant other out, can be scary at times. But the consequences of ignoring them are far worse.

So be brave! And encourage each other to share the truth. 

7. Team Up With Your Partner

Working as a team is extremely important in a relationship. It’s a skill you will develop and perfect as your relationship grows stronger

Nothing Helps You Boost Your Team Dynamic, Like uniting Against A Common Enemy. ⚔

This makes me think of an incident that happened to me in the summer.

Gabriel and I were sunbathing at a grass field at our local pool.

I went to get us a bottle of cold beer from the pool bar, when I got back an angry lifeguard came up to us and started shouting at me.

Later we learnt it was forbidden to use glass in that whole pool compound but he was aggressive and verbally assaulting me, instead of informing us about that.

Both Gabriel and I really stood our ground and fought him off. (If glass is forbidden there, why did they sell bottles at the pool bar? Or why did they not inform the customer?)

In the end, the angry lifeguard turned almost polite and even went to the bar and got us plastic cups. We poured our beer, disposed of the evil bottle, and the guy finally left us alone.

Throughout the whole experience, Gabriel really had my back. We created a common front that was impossible to break.

Having someone defend you and fight with you in a situation like this is just the best!

Teaming up like this can really strengthen your relationship and make you feel INVINCIBLE! 

8. Patience

Building a long lasting relationship takes time.

It’s like running a marathon. If you push yourself or your partner too hard in the beginning, you might not make it to the finish line.

Unfortunately, we are all in a hurry nowadays. We’re all rushing to get to the next big thing in our lives.

Often we’re under a lot of pressure form our parents, or even our peers and consequently we might be pushing ourselves and our partner to get over things quickly, move on, be ready to commit, get a better job, lose weight, work out etc.

Patience is a rather undervalued quality in today’s crazy world.

It takes time for people to be able to truly open up to one another and learn to trust each other.

You can’t speed up this process no matter how hard you try.

Having a lot of patience and understanding for both yourself and your partner is absolutely necessary if you want to build a strong, long lasting relationship.

It Is Really Hard To Be Patient

We all have our limits and lose our cool sometimes. It’ perfectly normal. We all get frustrated and need to express it.

So how do you become more relaxed in your relationship?

You gotta be patient about your own impatience.

Express your frustrations, talk about them with your partner.

Limiting contact with people who put you under pressure can be a huge help too.

What really helps me to have more patience for both myself and Gabriel is remembering that the harder I’m going to push for something, the longer it’s is going to take.

9. Follow Your Heart And Trust Your Gut

All the advice out there can make you doubt yourself and your relationship at times.

Every person has their own unique needs and qualities. When it comes to building strong relationships there is no “one size fits all solution”.

Therefore take all the advice with a pinch of salt.

You are the only person who has the whole complete picture of your relationship. Only you know how it’s really like to be together with your partner.

You Are The Only True Authority On Your Relationship.

Sometimes the advice you get will make no sense to you. If that’s the case, don’t listen to it.

It is your love life and YOU KNOW BETTER!

Some choices you make in your relationship might seem really unreasonable to other people.

For example, when Gabriel and I first moved in together we had two separate rooms. Even though we lived in one flat, every night we’d ask each other, “are we sleeping at your place, or mine?”

For an outsider it might have seemed weird and even wrong, but that was what WE NEEDED in the beginning of living together.

That set up lasted for a couple of months. Eventually we merged our separate rooms and now only have one bedroom.

So just because you or your partner might have unconventional needs, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with that.

When it comes to building a long lasting relationship, you gotta do what feels right to both of you.

Don’t let advice get to you too much and follow your heart instead!

10. Don’t Give Up

There are often good times and bad times in every relationship.

Sometimes you are going to face external factors that will create problems in your love life, such as disease, family conflict, issues at work etc.

Other times it will be you and your partner’s internal conflicts that will make you feel really down.

When times are hard it’s important to remember that things will get better! 

Building a long lasting relationship is hard work and there will be a lot of hurdles on the way.

We faced a lot of difficulties in our relationship. We’ve got through them though.

The best thing I learned about trust and connection is that it really accumulates over time and makes things run smoother.

Our relationship got much EASIER over time and you can get there too!

So don’t give up on your love! You can do it! You can make it work! 

Still feeling down and have doubts whether true love is even real? Be sure to check out 50 Songs To Restore Your Faith In True Love.

If you found this article helpful, you might want to save it to Pinterest for later or share it on your preferred platform via the social media buttons below. It supports us in creating more exciting content for you!

Thank you for reading! I’m dying to hear your thoughts about this! Let me know in the comments below!

Cheers,

Karolina

10 Reasons Why Relationships Are Totally Worth It

10 Reasons Why Relationships Are Totally Worth It

Photo by Ryan Jacobson

Love can be very hard and challenging at times. Couples fight, cheat and break up. Maybe you have been left for another person or fell in love with someone who didn’t love you back.

Hurtful and heartbreaking experiences like this can make you wonder: are relationships even worth it?

What’s the point of taking a risk and trusting someone, if it might end up being just another disappointment? These are valid doubts. Building a solid relationship takes a lot of time and effort. It can be tough and disheartening at times.

Nothing helps more to get through these difficult times than hope that things can get better.

Sometimes all the negative hurtful experiences can make you lose sight of what you’re even in this mess for.

I hope these 10 reasons help you remember why love is worth fighting for!

1. Intimacy

Physical closeness is a huge way to bond with your partner. It’s a great way to feel way closer and more connected within minutes.

Sex can work like magic. It can just suddenly remove all the barriers between the two of you. Not to mention all of the fun and pleasure!

Cuddling on the sofa while watching a movie, holding hands, kissing each other hello or goodbye, cuddling up to your partner at night.

All these simple acts can just suddenly trigger this feeling of closeness and safety that everybody craves so much.

Intimacy is plain and simply, the best happiness inducing drug on the market.

2. Endless Conversations

Feeling that you’re on the same page with someone else is awesome. Sometimes you will find yourselves so engrossed in a conversation, that the whole outside world, just disappears.

You forget where you’re going or what you’re doing because you’re both having so much fun. Nothing else seems to matter anymore and rightfully so!

Being in a long-term relationship can allow you to get to know and understand your partner really well and for them to know and understand you.

This brings natural flow and depth to your conversations. Understanding each other and trusting each other creates emotional intimacy.

This can be just as powerful and amazing as physical intimacy.

Seriously, don’t underestimate it!

3. Feeling Safe

Having someone who understands and knows you, who you’re intimate with, and whom you can trust, can give you an immense feeling of safety.

Suddenly you’re not alone anymore. Someone’s got your back. You can count on him/her to pick you up when you’re down, to help you out when you’re in trouble, to take care of you when you’re sick.

You have a partner in life, you’re together. You don’t have to deal with things all by yourself anymore. You’ve got help and support, someone who will protect you. 

Being in a relationship can provide so much safety, comfort, stability. These are all things we all desperately crave and need.

4. Learning From Each Other

Every person has their unique set of skills, strengths, knowledge base and ideas about the world. That’s what makes us the unique selves we are! Nobody wants to date a copy of themselves.

That would be really boring… and weird.

The differences between you and your partner will allow for both of you to learn new things and expand your worldview. Seeing your partner approach certain problems in a way that is just so different from yours, can be extremely helpful!

Being able to grow and learn from each other is a basis of any relationship and provides a huge advantage in life in general.

5. Helping Each Other Out

Having a person know and understand you can allow them to help out on a whole different level. They will know exactly what words you need to hear and why.

Having that partner who loves you and supports you is the best feeling in the world!

They can build you up. Boost your confidence. Help you overcome your fears and move forward in life.

They will come with you to a doctor and hold your hand during that scary injection. They will help you feel more confident about an upcoming exam or presentation.

Nothing helps you to believe in yourself as much as having someone else believing in you! 

6. Sharing responsibilities

Apart from all the emotional benefits of being in a relationship, there is a ton of pragmatic ones too!

When being together, the most mundane, seemingly unpleasant things, can even be fun!

Like doing chores, cleaning up, grocery shopping, or hanging the laundry. All of these become enjoyable when you’re doing it with someone you can laugh and joke with.

Not only do these otherwise boring chores become way more pleasant, now that you’re sharing them with someone, you only have to do half of it! 

Sometimes you will wake up in the morning to find the kitchen cleaned spotless without you having had to lift a finger. Sharing responsibilities with your significant other can be a huge help and motivator.

7. Going on dates

Who doesn’t like going on dates together? They’re just so much fun!

You don’t need to be a fresh couple to enjoy dating. In fact, I think that after years of being together, dates actually become way more fun.

At the beginning of a relationship, people tend to need to impress each other the whole time and manage their image. Not knowing what to wear, where to go, doing elaborate makeup, etc can be stressful.

After years of being together, all the stress falls away. You don’t go on dates to impress each other anymore. Now it’s just about spending quality time together.

It isn’t your outfit or the location that will make a date really memorable and special (although these factors can certainly contribute ). It’s about sharing time with another person.

In that particular moment, you two are in the centre of each other’s attention.

Let’s be honest here, everybody loves and needs to be the centre of attention every now and then.

Dates provide the perfect setting to give each other that opportunity. That’s what makes them feel so great!

8. Cooking For Each Other

Cooking for one person can be a bit of a nuisance. It takes so much time and effort.

You have to buy the right ingredients, cook, clean and then, on top of that, you are very likely to end up with way too much food.

Having to go through all this hassle and then being stuck eating leftovers for a couple of days, might make you not want to cook for yourself very often.

Cooking for two is a totally different story, it’s freakin’ fun! 

Doing groceries together is already so much more pleasant than shopping by yourself. Plus your partner helps you out, so you don’t have to do all the work. You don’t have to carry all the heavy bags, don’t need to cook and clean everything and you’re less likely to end up with so many leftovers.

On top of all the pragmatic benefits, there are huuuge emotional ones too!

Having someone cook for you will make you feel taken care of while making a dish for your significant other can feel just as great. 

Regardless whether you’re on the giving or the receiving end, this exchange is bound to get your endorphins flowing.

9. Trying New Things Together

It’s not easy to start doing things you’ve never done before.

Learning new skills can be tricky. Sometimes, certain things might feel so daunting, you’ll end up not daring to ever try them out.

Trying out new things with a trusted partner makes it all much easier! You can help each other, figure things out together, encourage one another etc.

Having this extra help, support and company make trying out new things much less of a big deal.

Starting something can be much easier than actually developing and improving certain skills. Completing a beginners course in e.g. surfing will only take a few hours, but it takes much longer to practice and actually learn how to surf.

Having someone to practice with, someone who will continuously validate your progress and is going through the same learning process with you, can make it so much easier and more fun!

10. Adventures

There are countless beautiful and exciting things to experience in this world! You can visit architectural monuments, go to a shooting range, enjoy regional foods, take in art and culture. The possibilities are endless!

Adventures are also a great way to escape our mundane routines. To break the patterns that keep us numb and dumb. Go on an adventure! You don’t even need to over plan it!

See where your heart and feet take you, you’re bound to be pleasantly surprised!

As great as all of these experiences may be, they become a million times better when you share them with a person you care about and who cares about you!

There is no doubt, relationships can be challenging and downright frustrating at times! Ultimately though, I promise the benefits make it worthwhile and rewarding. So don’t be afraid to invest in yourself and your relationships!

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What are your reasons for being in a relationship? Let us know in the comments!

Karolina and Gabriel