How to Save a Dying Relationship

There’s nothing worse than trying everything in your power to make your connection with your man work and still feel like your relationship is dying.

Whether you feel like you’ve become emotional strangers or every conversation ends in frustrating fights, or you haven’t had sex in months or even if you’ve reached a point of simply not talking to each other anymore…

Let me tell you, it can CHANGE.

When my relationship with my boyfriend Gabriel (who runs this blog with me) was about to die, things were TOUGH.

Even though we kept trying to make things work and grow closer, we couldn’t seem to save our relationship…

It was as though there was an invisible wall between us that we were powerless against.

And what’s more, the wall kept slowly expanding and pushing us further apart!

And as it did, we gradually made less effort and cared less…

There were times where both of us wanted to simply throw in the towel and call it quits.

So in order to save you all the pain, here is what I learned you need to do to revive your dying relationship and save it!

1. Uncover What Is Making Your Relationship Die

There is no magic at work here!

If you feel like your relationship is nearing its end, then there is a REASON.

In my case, it turned out that there were external factors like our jobs and family getting in between us.

As well as letting our relationship start to go on autopilot.

Whatever the case might be for you, the point is to try and figure out what is making your relationship feel like it’s ending.

And it’s the first step in saving your relationship.

This means taking charge and honestly talking to your man and asking questions to uncover the reason why the spark is fading.

In other words, try to get to the bottom of it all.

Also know that the process of a deteriorating relationship generally happens slowly, VERY SLOWLY…

So much so that you might not even notice it until months or even years have passed! Even though it’s happening right in front of our eyes…

So if you happen to be beating yourself up over not “Not having noticed it sooner”.

Don’t.

It happened to me too, just as it happens to countless other women.

2. Understand That There Are Multiple Causes

When your relationship is dying, I guarantee you it’s never due to one isolated cause.

There are always multiple things at play.

As previously mentioned in my case it was jobs and family getting in the way.

And there were also many other smaller factors, like me not feeling understood or taken seriously by Gabriel.

On top of it all, there was also his side of things.

So, not only were there multiple causes of mine that I needed to uncover to save our relationship. There were Gabriel’s as well.

This means that in your relationship, there will be two sides to contend with.

Yours and his.

This adds up to what might feel too complex a problem to unravel and somewhat overwhelming.

But for now, you only need to remember one thing; There are many different causes that are contributing towards your relationship dying!

It’s very unlikely due to one isolated reason or incident.

3. Focus on the Main Cause in Your Relationship First

So we just said that there are various contributors to take into account when it comes to your relationship dying.

Having said all of that, when starting off, it’s best to take on the MAIN cause first, rather than trying to solve all at once!

This ensures you’re dealing with only the biggest and most urgent reason behind your relationship troubles, when trying to save it.

Then you’ll also not be overwhelmed and can take the other issues on one at a time.

For me, one of the big ones was focusing on setting boundaries with my family.

But for you it might be that your man is distant, or maybe every discussion ends in a fight or worse you might even suspect him of lying to you…

Whatever is bothering you the most, start trying to address and solve this ONE thing first.

You can think of it as saving small parts of your relationship, one at a time. And it will all add up.

Once you’ve taken care of one, you can work your way to the others when you feel ready.

4. Have a Framework and Tools to Save Your Relationship

When I need to do my makeup, I have brushes, concealer, eyelash curler, various other tools as well as a technique.

If I’m going shopping, I know which stores I’m going to for which items, I have a shopping list app, carry bags and my car.

Every little and big task in life requires some kind of system and tools if you want to be quick and make things easier for yourself.

When it comes to relationships though, we’re taught that once you find the right guy things must somehow magically fall into place. 

That there will never be a need to work on- or save your relationship…

That relationship skills are somehow instinctual or passed on and should just work.

Yet in my experience it’s nothing like that.

I struggled A LOT in my relationship at the beginning, because I was navigating blindly and hoping things would just somehow work out!

But the truth is that relationships require a method and tools just like any other task in life.

The only reason I have a fulfilling and happy relationship with Gabriel today is because I have the right framework and tools to not only save, but also create the relationship I want and know how to DEAL with problems if they arise.

Without them I’d be lost.

And they’ve added so much value to my relationship that I eventually decided to start this blog with my boyfriend Gabriel and teach these relationship techniques.

If you’re not sure about something or have any questions, leave them in the comments section below and I’ll get back to you!

Best,

Karolina