Being in a relationship that is falling apart can be extremely painful. When my relationship was falling apart I used to feel heartbroken and hurt almost every day.
Our constant fights and misunderstandings made me endlessly worry. I used to wonder “Will this ever change?”, “Can we even make this work, or maybe we’re just simply not meant to be…”
My relationship with my partner Gabriel started out great, but things deteriorated over time.
After being together for a year and a half we have reached a point where we fought almost all the time, we couldn’t enjoy each other’s company anymore, our spark was fading and we even broke up a couple of times.
I didn’t want to give up on our relationship though and eventually, we managed to COMPLETELY turn things around.
No matter how bad things are in your relationship right now, it’s important to remember that there is always a way out.
You can fix your relationship even when it’s falling apart.
Here is how I did it:
1. Stop Expecting Things to Change on Their Own and Start Making Changes Yourself
This might sound obvious to some of you, but it wasn’t at all obvious to me back then and I think it’s a problem a lot of people have.
When my relationship started falling apart, in the first couple of months I was simply HOPING that things will get back to normal on their own.
Initially, I was hoping that Gabriel would change his mind or attitude towards me, or that he would become more caring and attentive again, but I wasn’t DOING anything to make any of these changes happen.
I spent hours complaining about our issues to friends, and even read books and articles about relationship problems, but I didn’t implement anything I’d learned.
I wasn’t making any active efforts to fix my relationship.
Back then, I used to be caught up in a belief that: “If it’s meant to be, it will work out”.
Because of this I almost felt like I’m not supposed to make any active efforts to fix my relationship from falling apart.
Once I put that limiting belief into question and started implementing new knowledge and actively changing my attitude, my relationship started gradually changing for the better.
One of the first big changes I made, that stopped my relationship from falling apart was:
2. Limit Attitudes and Behaviors That Are Damaging Your Relationship
We all come with our share of emotional baggage and unhealthy attitudes.
There are countless ways in which women sabotage their relationships, make their men more distant or even drive them away.
Things like chasing him to do, be or feel certain things, punishing or dismissing your partner are common behaviors that a lot of us resort to ALMOST EVERY DAY.
I used to do all these things too.
I used to chase Gabriel to feel more grateful and appreciative of my efforts, I’d dismiss his complaints or even withdraw my love and become more distant to show him that he did something wrong.
The main reason why I resorted to all sorts of unhealthy tactics was that I simply didn’t know any better.
It was the only way I knew to try to get what I wanted from him.
And I know many women make the very same mistake.
The thing is, all of these behaviors have a TERRIBLE influence on a relationship.
In fact, they directly cause relationships to fall apart.
That’s why, in order to fix a relationship, it’s important to limit these damaging habits as much as you can.
3. Learn Healthy Ways to Try to Get What You Want or Need
The reason so many people resort to all sorts of unhealthy behaviors in their relationships is that they think it’s the ONLY way to get what they want or need from their partner.
But in reality, this is not the case.
There are COUNTLESS ways and approaches that can get your partner to give you what you want or need without damaging your relationship in the process.
One of the most important skills that can fix a relationship is learning how to communicate better.
This includes learning how to say things in a way that will him listen.
As well as discovering how to listen in a way that can make your partner feel heard and understood.
When you can communicate openly in your relationship, you don’t have to silently hope that he will figure out what you’re needing and give it to you.
You can simply ask for things!
This way you’re much less likely to fight over countless little misunderstandings and you’re also much more likely to get MORE of what you want.
Improving communication was definitely a big stepping stone that helped me fix my relationship and stopped it from falling apart.
But there were many other skills I picked up that allowed me to quickly turn things around.
4. Set Boundaries to Prevent Your Partner’s Unhealthy Behaviors and Habits
In most cases, it’s not enough to just limit your own damaging habits and attitudes.
Because it takes two people to bring a relationship to the brink of falling apart.
Your partner has likely their own ways in which they damage and sabotage the relationship.
That’s why learning when and how to set boundaries is a crucial step when it comes to fixing things.
In my relationship, there were countless occasions that required me to set boundaries with Gabriel and also where he had to set boundaries with me.
We would often say or do hurtful things without fully realizing their negative effects.
In these kinds of situations, boundaries can act as a shield, protecting you and your relationship from potential damage.
They are absolutely necessary in order to fix a relationship when it’s falling apart.
And they also have other positive side effects.
Setting boundaries might initially be met with some resistance, but when you manage to persist and stand your ground, they’re bound to invoke deeper levels of respect from your partner.
They can actually make you feel more connected and bring you two closer.
It’s also important to mention that when your relationship has reached this point of falling apart, there’s often a lot of hurt and broken trust that happens along the way.
And in order to truly mend your relationship, it’s vital to not overlook the need to rebuild the trust that was lost between the two of you.
That way you’re starting again with a more solid foundation.
Now, fixing a relationship when it’s falling apart is definitely a challenge.
There might be moments where you’ll feel hopeless and be on the verge of giving up.
One big thing that I’ve learned from when we were struggling in our relationship was to not underestimate small changes.
There are countless ways in which you can turn things around.
It doesn’t matter what method you choose to implement or how much of it you even implement.
Every effort counts.
Even the tiniest of changes can make a world of difference.
If you’re interested in having more support and a step by step method on how to fix your relationship from falling apart, be sure to check out our Rebuild Your Relationship course.
In it we cover and teach the most important tools you need to stop things from further falling apart in your relationship. And more importantly you’ll learn how to rebuild things with solid foundations that will allow you to restore the love and attraction again.
If you have any questions about any of the points mentioned above or about our challenge, please leave a comment below.
Karolina
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