Yes, Relationship doubts are normal.
Here are a couple of our own that we had:
- “Is there someone better for me out there?”
- “Do I find him physically attractive enough?”
- “Is she the right one?”
- “Do I still love him?”
- “Is he the one I want to settle down with?”
- “Will our sex life be enough for me?”
It’s perfectly natural to wonder about these things!
‘Cause guess what?
Everybody has doubts.
And that includes us. Even though we were absolutely crazy for each other.
Over time as we opened up, we discovered that there were many moments where we both had our private doubts about our relationship.
But the more we talked about it and listened, the more it became clear that our uncertainties played a crucial -even HEALTHY- role in our relationship.
What Your Doubts Are Telling You
Some of your doubts are useful indicators for things that aren’t working for you in your relationship.
“WHY do you feel like there might be someone better for you out there?”
Maybe your man is emotionally unavailable, maybe you’re afraid that he will never want to settle down and truly commit, or maybe the spark faded and your relationship became mundane and boring.
These are all common relationship problems that everybody has to deal with! And they can be solved!
So, once your doubts come up, don’t panic and try to discard them right away.
Listen to your own thoughts instead!
What is causing you to doubt your man?
There is nothing wrong with your questioning certain things about your relationship!
After you have figured out your thoughts to some degree, bring it up and discuss it with your partner. Processing your doubts a little before talking about them will make it easier for him to listen to you.
Both Karolina and I had lots of doubts about our relationship. We have realized that it’s often enough to just feel received after expressing these kinds of negative feelings, to make them go away.
However, these are all not easy topics to discuss. Bringing up your doubts will most likely freak out your man. It might cause a fight. That’s how it has been for us…
Relationship arguments are not only inevitable but also healthy.
Moreover, the sooner you address your doubts the better. Repressing your negative feelings about your man will only make things worse.
So man up and speak your mind! Use your doubts to make your relationship better.
When Your Doubts Are Never-Ending
In some cases, relationship doubts seem to get out of hand. I used to get lost in a never-ending spiral of doubt sometimes.
Who am I? What am I doing with my life? What do I want? Etc
These kinds of doubts have nothing or little to do with your partner. However, they might affect your relationship.
Such thoughts were once the reason why I decided to break up. Thankfully, we got back together after just a few weeks, but still, it was a difficult time for both Karolina and myself.
Everyone comes with their own share of emotional baggage. Moreover, we all are faced with countless expectations of how our lives should unfold, how successful we should become, what our partner should look like, etc.
Societal pressure is a thing for both men and women.
It might cause you to feel like “your partner is not good enough for you”, that maybe “you could do to do better”.
When you find yourself lost in a never-ending spiral of doubts it’s important to ask yourself “are these my own doubts?” or “is someone else putting these thoughts in my head?”
That’s what it was for me. I had doubts about our relationship, that had nothing or very little to do with Karolina. It was all just external pressure to fulfill expectations and follow the prescribed norms.
We all have to face these issues. It is hard not to fall for the societal pressures.
However, fulfilling someone else’s expectations is draining and frustrating.
Striving towards independence and shaping your relationships the way you see fit is the way to go!
All in all, when faced with an overwhelming amount of doubts about your man, it’s sometimes best not to question your partner but to put your sudden skepticism into question instead!
Another great way to counteract the troublesome doubts about your relationship is to feel emotionally closer to your partner.
In case you’re interested in trying this approach, we’ve designed our Free 4-Day Relationship Challenge to help women do exactly that.
This challenge consists of four quick and fun activities that both of you will totally enjoy. They’re bound to make you feel emotionally connected and disperse some of the doubts you might be having about your relationship.
Click here to start our Free 4-Day Relationship Challenge.
If you enjoyed this article or have any questions for us, please leave them in the comment section below! We’d love to hear from you.
Gabriel
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Hello! I have been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he is the most perfect man I have EVER met! He’s absolutely wonderful in every way and we could have such an amazing life together. But I have just recently lost my dad this year and the impact of that has spiraled into confusion about every area of my life, including my relationship. We have a great relationship together, we rarely argue and are pretty chill about everything. Always affectionate. But recently I have been worrying like crazy about us splitting up for some reason. And if our connection is still right. I know it is unrealistic because we are okay but it’s starting to affect my daily functioning. Whatever it comes down to, I want to do anything to make it work for us. If I were to discuss this with him I would simply not know what to say. Please, any advice will help!
Hi Mags,
it’s wonderful that you have such a great connection with your boyfriend!
And it makes sense that the loss of your dad would impact your life and your relationship this way. When a connection we relied on for so long is suddenly gone, it can leave us doubting our connection with the people closest to us. There might even be a fear of them ‘leaving’ us too.
I’d recommend giving yourself all the time you need to go through what you’re feeling and try telling your boyfriend you need his help figuring it all out. Karolina and I find being honest and transparent almost always brings us closer.
I hope it helps,
Gabriel
I have been having these ridiculous doubts. My girlfriend is perfect for me. And everybody who i have spoken to who has been in a relationship has said that these doubts are very normal but i have had them for weeks. And they are making me struggle when i am with her and in my enjoyment of life in general. Everybody has said the doubts just go when you do something new with her which i am doing in a few days. But is it normal to have these doubts for weeks on end?
Hi Jamie,
yes, it is perfectly normal for you to have doubts for weeks on end!
In my experience, what made my doubts truly go away was to openly talk to Karolina about them.
When I did this, I also always strongly emphasise all the things I DO LOVE about her and our relationship (to make it clear that it’s not ALL BAD!) Just that there are doubts that are plaguing me and that I needed to get them off my chest and make sense of them.
I hope this helps,
Gabriel