Being together with a guy who doesn’t want to commit is tough. It forces you to live in constant fear of being left. You might be asking yourself: “Is it my fault?” “Am I doing something wrong or is it that I’m simply not good enough?”
These are all very hurtful thoughts. Being uncertain whether your relationship will last or not can be very disheartening. But don’t worry. It is possible to get a man to commit!
I’ve done it. When we first started dating Gabriel was not sure whether he believed in monogamy at all. But as our relationship progressed, his attitude changed dramatically.
We are now fully committed to each other and often talk about growing old together.
In this article, I will share some tips that can help to get your man to commit.
1. Don’t Commit To Someone Who Is Not Serious About You
Before even beginning figuring out how to get a man to commit, you first have to filter out the ones that are not really interested in being in a relationship with you.
Sometimes you might find yourself having a crush on someone who does not reciprocate. When that is the case, it’s important to realize it as early as possible to avoid or minimize pain and heartbreak. That’s why it’s essential that you learn to notice when a person is stringing you along.
Actions speak louder than words. When you start dating someone who just happens to not be really that into you, chances of them admitting it straight to your face are slim to none.
A guy will rarely say to a girl “look, I’m not sure you’re quite good enough for me, so let’s keep this going and I’ll just keep looking… ok?”
That’s a really hurtful thing to say to a person.
However, it is really easy and quite common to communicate the same thing with actions.
Some things to look out for include:
- Taking forever to reply to your texts
- Never or rarely making an effort to arrange a date
- Coming late or canceling last minute
- Ghosting you for a couple of days or weeks and then reaching out again
- Being vague/non-communicative
- Lying or making up excuses
These kinds of behaviors communicate “I don’t really care about you, or this relationship”. People do these kinds of thing all the time. It’s not just guys who string girls along. Women do it as much as men do. Let’s be honest here, everybody does it. I’m not proud of it, but I’ve done it in the past too.
Regardless of how common and widespread this kind of treatment is, it doesn’t make it is ok. It is a hurtful thing to do to a person.
That’s why, if a guy treats you this way, it’s best to just move on.
You deserve to be with someone who will truly value you, someone who will make an effort to get to know you and win your love.
There are plenty of fish in the sea. There are a lot of guys out there who want to commit. So don’t waste your time chasing after the ones who don’t.
2. Don’t Try To Force A Guy To Commit To You
In order to get a guy to commit to you, you can’t try to force him into it. Commitment is a choice that he has to make for himself.
Us girls have a lot of covert ways of getting what we want out of our partners. We cry, withhold affection, dramatize. There are countless tactics women use to get men to behave a certain way.
Everybody gets a bit controlling every now and then. I’ve thrown tantrums for many trivial reasons.
But trying to make your partner do things your way is not a good habit for your relationship. Period. However, when it comes to commitment, it can really only do more harm than good.
When you pressure your partner to commit to you, you take away his choice to do so willingly.
To illustrate how commitment is not something you can forcefully make happen I will share a story of a friend of mine.
She was in a happy, committed relationship, living with her boyfriend, who totally loved her and wanted the relationship to last. However, she really wanted him to propose.
She kept on obsessing about it. Talked about it to all of her friends, got upset at him over and over again. This fight went on between them for a bit over a year.
After a while, she somehow managed to relax about not being engaged. She accepted that he will propose to her when he feels ready to.
About a month after my friend’s change of attitude, her boyfriend proposed.
After the proposal, he said to her
“I couldn’t do it before. As long as you were stressing me about proposing, I felt like I’d be only doing me to make you happy. I didn’t want to propose to you just to make you happy, I wanted to propose to you because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you”.
She was super shocked and happy, she couldn’t believe it, yet it made perfect sense to her. They are happily married now.
In conclusion, commitment is about choosing to be faithful, truthful and trustworthy. It’s like a gift that you and your partner choose to give each other.
Gifts by their very nature have to be given freely.
3. Understand That Men Crave Commitment Too
It is a popular belief that only women crave the stability and safety of a committed relationship, whereas men just want to conquer and “spread their seed”.
Seeing the world through this lens forces both women and men to perceive the other as their enemy, due to this inherent conflict of interest.
Perceiving your partner as an enemy will inevitably hurt your relationship. Unfortunately, this divide between the sexes is so heavily reinforced in our society, it is really hard to escape it.
That is the reason why women try to control their boyfriends and pressure them into commitment. They simply feel like there is no other way.
However, that is not the case at all.
The truth is, there are a lot of men out there who crave the level of stability, safety, and intimacy that can only be achieved in a long-lasting committed relationship.
So chances are your boyfriend is as afraid of losing you and the safety you provide, just as much as you are afraid of losing him.
He is just less likely to admit it.
Men are taught to be strong, to show no weakness. Needing safety and being afraid of abandonment is a weakness. So it makes sense that men would be less likely to express it.
Perceiving your boyfriend not as a man, but as a person, will open him up. It will help you gain his trust and will inevitably make him grow more attached to you.
If you’re looking for more advice on how to get your boyfriend to be more vulnerable and open up to you, you might want to check out 5 Traits In Women That Make Men Emotionally Available
4. Become Irreplaceable to Him By Getting To Know Your Man And Building Trust
The best way to make sure that your man will never leave you is by providing value that simply cannot be replaced.
There are always going to be some other girls out there that are prettier, more fit or smarter than you. So it’s rather pointless to try to compete in these domains.
However, when it comes to knowing your man and gaining his trust, you have the advantage over all other women.
It takes time to get to know a person and even longer for them to open up and start truly trusting you.
Making an effort to get to know your man provides a huge value to them. It makes them feel important and appreciated.
He will begin to feel like he can be himself around you and that is rare, not many people get to experience that.
We all only show the facade of our true personality to the outside world because it is vulnerable to be ourselves. Everybody has lots of protective layers that they have built over the years.
Getting a guy to peel off these layers and let you in, takes time.
By the way, if you’re needing some inspiration on this matter, be sure to check out these 30 questions to get to know him better.
Another aspect of your relationship that can become completely irreplaceable is the trust you have built with your partner.
Just like with getting to know each other, trust building doesn’t happen overnight.
Trust is such a powerful quality in a relationship because it really solidifies the bond between you and your man. It is the foundation for love to grow.
If you manage to get your man to trust you, he will definitely want to commit to you.
In case you need some more advice on this, here’s how to gain your partner’s trust.
5. Be Motherly Towards Him
It is common knowledge that girls have daddy issues. When it comes to mommy issues in men, it is much less of a topic.
But let me tell you, men are absolute suckers for women who display motherly qualities.
By “being motherly” I don’t mean being patronizing and controlling.
I’m talking about real motherly character traits like being supportive, caring, nurturing, protective, understanding, patient, kind, etc.
Women really don’t appreciate how big of a deal all the above-mentioned qualities are to men.
Not unlike women, men are absolutely desperate to feel safe and taken care off.
If you can manage to make your partner feel this way, he will become your biggest champion.
So treat him with kindness, be understanding support him in his endeavors and he will want to be yours forever.
When you think about it, it is perfectly logical that men feel attracted and want to commit to someone who displays motherly qualities.
After all, you’re the potential future mother of his children, so it makes sense that he would put a lot of emphasis on that.
Conclusion
There are lots of ways that lead to a man’s heart. Commitment is all about gaining your boyfriends trust and getting him to open up to you.
You can’t force a guy to commit, but there is a lot you can do to make him take this step willingly.
So don’t give up when your man acts all distant and detached, it’s most likely just an act.
Understand his fears and find a way to let you into his world and he will not want to leave your side.
If you need some extra tips on how to get him to fully let you into his world, you might wanna check out: How to Get an Emotionally Unavailable Man to Open Up.
Now that you know that getting a man to commit to you is all about connecting with him on a deeper level, you might also want check out our FREE 4-Day Relationship challenge.
Here you’ll receive four insightful lessons and activities to boost your relationship. These four little things might just be what you need to get him to finally openly declare his attachment to you!
Click here to start your FREE 4-day Relationship Challenge.
If you have any questions or would like to share a bit your story with me, leave me a comment and I’ll get back to you!
Karolina
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