Photo by Pablo Merchán Montes

Being in a relationship with a person who doesn’t trust you can be challenging, especially if their lack of trust feels completely unjustified. You’ve done nothing but prove yourself as a trustworthy person, treated your partner with love and respect, you were reliable, you were there for them yet he or she is still distant and doesn’t want to let you in.

This kind of situation can be extremely hurtful and frustrating.

Don’t worry though, this is a very common problem and you can fix it.

There are lots of ways you can gain your partner’s trust.

In this article, I will share the strategies that helped me get Gabriel to trust me more.

1. Don’t Take Their Mistrust Personally

I know that is a difficult one. Your loved one not trusting you often feels very personal. However, chances are your partner’s trust issues arose way before you two started dating.

If you have done nothing to lose your partner’s trust, you’re probably in the clear. His or her lack of trust has most likely nothing to do with you or your behavior.

Maybe they have been cheated on in the past or betrayed by their best friend. Or maybe their parents were very unreliable and always arrived late when picking them up from school.

Everyone goes through their share of disappointments in people.

Believing that your partner’s trust issues are your fault will most likely lead to you blaming him/her for it. It will cause an argument and both you and your partner will end up feeling hurt.

So don’t take responsibility for issues you have not caused.

2. Don’t Push Them Out Of Their Comfort Zone

When being in a relationship with a person who has problems with trust, you might feel tempted to try to push them past their issues. Even though this attitude might give you some quick results, it will absolutely backfire in the long run.

People say “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. Or that you have to push past your limits, otherwise you won’t get anywhere in life.

This kind of attitude really doesn’t work when it comes to building trust.

Trying to force your partner to trust you will most likely resent you for it. In the long run, it will only just push him/her away.

There are times in relationships when taking certain steps might feel like a bit of a jump. However, there is a difference between being slightly uncertain about some decisions, and feeling completely lost and overwhelmed.

If you want to gain your partner’s trust, don’t push them to do things they’re ready for.

3. Notice Their Vulnerability And Reward It With Kindness

Letting another person into your intimate emotional space is scary. Understand that for your partner it might be a big deal to trust you even with little things.

Learn to notice when your partner is being vulnerable and always try to reward that behavior.

For example, if your partner wants to rearrange the furniture in his/her bedroom and asks for your advice, don’t take charge and try to redecorate the entire place.

Notice that, by asking for your opinion, your partner is being vulnerable and reward it by listening to him/her and helping to find a solution he or she will be happy with.

Rewarding vulnerability will encourage your partner to open up and trust you more.

4. Be There For Them When They’re Weak

Everybody faces some tough times in life. Being there for your partner in their hour of need is a great way to earn their trust.

There are multiple ways to show your partner you have their back when they need you most.

Some are really simple like doing the grocery shopping and cooking for them when they catch a cold.

When a person truly needs help, the simplest acts of kindness can really make their day.

For example, I’ve strained a muscle while exercising recently and as a result couldn’t put my socks on without feeling major pain.

Letting Gabriel put my socks on for me for a week actually felt very vulnerable, but at the same time, it was a great trust-building experience.

Allowing your partner to be weak around you will inevitably open them up and will let you gain their trust.

5. Show An Active Interest In Them

Deep down we all love to talk about ourselves. Nothing will help to gain your partner’s trust more, than showering them with attention. Listen to them, understand their world. Get to know their opinion on things, their likes, and dislikes.

Even if you feel like you know your partner completely, remember, there is always more to learn about a person.

Showing an active interest in your partner give him/her space to be their true self around you. It will help to let their guard down and build trust towards you.

If you need some help in figuring out how to get to know your partner, you might want to check out the 30 Unique Questions To Get To Know Someone.


Being together with a person who is afraid to trust can be challenging. Nonetheless, there is a lot you can do to improve it.

Building trust takes time and requires lots of patience. However, every little step on the way of getting your partner to let you in is extremely rewarding.

Moreover, trust is not a finite resource in a relationship. There is no such thing as trusting somebody completely. So no matter what stage your relationship you’re in, there is always room for more trust between you and your partner.

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I’d love to hear about your experiences with trust building in your relationship. Let me know in the comment section below!


Karolina Bartnik