“He never listens!!”
You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve heard women say this.
It’s probably one of the most common complaints all my friends come to me with.
I have faced this problem myself, so I know from my own experience that not feeling heard in your relationship sucks!
Don’t worry though. There is a way to make a man listen to you!
Gabriel and I used to fight about this issue all the time in the past but we figured it out.
In this article, I will share with you the strategies you can use to make your man listen to you.
1. Picking The Right Timing Will Help You Make Him Listen
This is a very crucial point. Choosing the right time to communicate something to your man can make all the difference between him hearing you out or not.
Avoid trying to make him listen when he is preoccupied with something else.
Trying to communicate something to a man last minute before a social event (like a party or meeting with relatives) will most likely get you nowhere.
You’ve gotta pick a time when he is free to give you 100% of his attention.
Trying to talk to a man right after he comes home from work is not a good time either. Honestly, it’s actually the same for me.
When Gabriel starts talking to me about important stuff right after I finish work, I often stop him right then and there saying
“I need a couple of minutes to unwind first, then I’ll be right with you.”
To ensure that your man listens to you, you best pick a time when he is not exhausted, irritated or still doing work in his head.
So what is the best time to make a man listen?
Think about yourself for a moment here. When is the best time that your man has the best chances of getting your attention?
It’s probably during a relaxed evening when you’re just browsing your phone, watching series or YouTube videos.
Well, it’s the same for him. The best time to make a man listen is when he is relaxed or even a bit bored.
Side note here:
it’s not about choosing the perfect timing. Most people’s lives are so busy, that such time might just never happen.
Choosing the right timing is just about optimizing the conditions, to improve your chances of getting his full and undivided attention.
2. Let Him Know You Really Need Him To Listen To You Now
It’s a good habit to let your man know you need his attention before starting to tell him things.
Don’t just start rambling about your day hoping that he cares enough to pay attention to you.
Don’t try to get his attention, ASK for it instead.
Don’t be afraid of being too direct. It’s ok to ask for what you want. Believe me, it will only make things easier for both you and your partner.
You can use phrases like:
“I have something important to say”
“I need to tell you something”
“I really need you to listen to me now”
Letting your man know that you need him to listen to you, gives him a heads up and helps him understand what you’re needing from him at that moment.
This point is something I used to struggle with a lot. I used to have a really hard time asking for what I wanted. Now I see that a lot of women struggle with this problem.
Being able to be direct and tell your man for exactly what you need from him, makes things so much easier!
3. Communicate That You Just Need Him To Listen To You
Giving premature advice is a pitfall many couples fall into, that prevents them from listening to each other.
When you start telling your man about your problems and he starts suggesting solutions right away, you will most likely feel like he totally missed your point.
You’re not even done telling him things and he is already starting to talk about something else! IRRITATING!
Does it mean that he doesn’t care about what you have to say?
No, it doesn’t! Irritating as it may be, he is just trying to help!
Giving unwanted advice is a common mistake. People do it all the time!
Heck, when your partner starts telling you about his problems, you most likely feel worried and try to fix things for him right away too.
I used to have the same reflex, we all do.
So when you’re in the midst of telling him about your problems and he interrupts and starts giving you advice, don’t feel offended or obliged to listen to him.
Just let him know that you don’t need his help, you only need him to listen.
Tell him clearly what it is that you need from him. It will make things so much easier!
Don’t hesitate to say things like “I don’t need your help right now, I just really need someone to listen to me”
Being clear about your needs will help him understand you and focus on what you’re saying to him.
4. Reassure Him That You’re Not Trying To Blame Him Or Pick A Fight
People in relationships often get triggered by the other expressing negative feelings.
We are all quick to assume our partner is blaming us for things when he/she is upset about something.
Contrary to our common beliefs, often that is not the case at all.
People get upset for all sorts of reasons.
When you are telling your partner stuff and he starts getting defensive or annoyed instead of listening to you, it’s a clear sign that what you are saying makes him feel attacked.
But you are not blaming or attacking him you just want him to listen.
Chances are, you being upset about stuff has NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM at all.
If your man is feeling attacked and guilty, he will not be able to listen to you.
In order to make him listen, you have to let him know that you are not attacking him, you’re not pointing out his mistakes or trying to pick a fight.
The best way to do that is by reassuring him, that you are not upset because of him.
Let him know that he hasn’t done anything wrong and that you are not angry with him.
This will put him at ease and give him mental and emotional space to continue listening to you.
Getting your man to listen to you will require you to be specific and clear about what you want.
You can’t expect him to read your mind. You have to take charge of the conversation and shape it the way you want it to go.
When miscommunication happens, try not to take it personally. Your man does want to get your world, he just doesn’t know how to do that!
That’s why you have to tell him what you need.
Making an effort to express your needs clearly is extremely important to make communication work in a relationship.
If you are worried, that trying to make your man listen to you, might trigger an argument, our definitions on healthy relationship arguments can be helpful.
In case you are seeking to understand why your man is having such a hard time listening to you, check out the article on what makes relationships complicated.
If you have any questions about how to make your man listen, please leave them in the comment section below! We’d love to help you out!
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