Photo by Ron Lach

If you’re wondering how to stop caring about someone, I won’t lie, your situation is a difficult one.

Because chances are, you love them and care about them, but they don’t love and care about you the same way.

They may literally have said some of these words to you:

  • “I just don’t feel that way about you.”
  • “I think of you as a friend.”
  • “You should totally go out with him/her.”

So it makes sense that you’re wondering whether you can get over someone you love.

Because it HURTS to love someone who doesn’t love you back.

And every interaction with them is a painful reminder of that!

When you finally reach a point when it hurts too much to continue loving them, then you understandably want to try to forget them.

And that’s what I’m going to help you with in this post.

How Do You Stop Caring About Someone Who Doesn’t Love You?

It’s a heart-wrenching experience.

On the one hand, you care about them, but you know it’s probably time to let go.

But the idea of letting go can feel disrespectful towards the love you feel for them and ultimately yourself. (since these are YOUR valid feelings after all!)

So just to reassure you before we talk about how you can unlove someone.

Doing this process DOES NOT invalidate you or your feelings.

It just means you’ve reached a point where it’s hurting you more than it’s fulfilling you.

So you understandably want to try a different approach.

This is the 7-Step journey to stop caring about someone when you’re in love.

1. Acknowledge That It’s Hurting You

When you’re overwhelmed with how good it feels to be in love or infatuated with someone, it can be incredibly mesmerizing.

It’s like a perfect place that you could stay in FOREVER.

The fantasy alone of being with this person can make you feel safe and like you belong.

So it only makes sense that you’d want it to be real.

But the fact of the matter is, you’re here now, because they’re hurting you more than they’re giving you.

And if you haven’t yet, it’s important to acknowledge that sooner than later.

Because as wonderful as the fantasy may be…

When you’re stuck in a position of endlessly caring about them, and their love is repeatedly denied, it takes its toll on you.

It hurts you and can chip away at your self-worth.

So, if you’ve been pining after them and caring for over a few months and nothing has come of it…

Then know it’s likely hurting you more and it’s time to stop and move on.

2. Don’t Let Them Rule You

The next step is to understand that when you’re stuck in a PATTERN of loving and caring for them, and they repeatedly ignore, dismiss or reject your advances…

You’re giving them A LOT of POWER.

Now, they may or may not abuse your love and care, but either way it’s not a balanced or healthy dynamic to be in.

It’s all well and good to pine after someone you love as both sides figure things out in a month or so.

But when it doesn’t stop and drags out for weeks and months, it’s time to accept the signs that they don’t feel the same way.

And that endlessly caring about them is only going to make you feel worse and ‘not good enough’.

When they’ve taken this long they’re NOT going to change their mind, so don’t let them do this to you.

3. Stop Talking to Them

I know this one is likely to be difficult.

But at this point, you really need to protect and reduce the emotional strain on yourself.

And it’s an important step to get someone out of your mind and heart.

When you’ve acknowledged that caring about someone is hurting you and you need to take the power back, you’ll be ready to stop talking to them.

Now, this DOESN’T need to be a sudden switch.

If it feels right to you, give yourself a week or two to let things slowly fizzle out and stop talking or meeting them.

The reason you need to create this boundary is that it’s what will give you the time and space to focus on and care for yourself.

4. Spend Time With People, to Stop Thinking About the ‘What Ifs’

It’s only natural that you won’t be able to put them off your mind immediately.

And don’t worry, there’s no pressure or rush.

But once you’ve stopped talking to them, it’s important to fill that gap with other people.

And there is seriously NO BETTER distraction, than company.

Go see friends, family, pick up a new hobby and meet new people.

I personally loved learning partner dancing.

My mind and body were busy trying to figure out the moves, while simultaneously trying to coordinate with music AND another person!

It’s honestly one of the best ways to stop caring about the ‘what might have been’ thoughts.

And talking to all these people will fill out your social life, keeping you busy.

Now, I wish this was the end, but as you likely know, it’s unfortunately not so simple.

Next, you’ll need to…

5. Give Yourself Time to Grieve

While you’re doing all of the above, you’re likely going to experience a couple of emotional rollercoasters.

One moment you feel totally fine and you’re sure that you’ve moved on from someone you cared about, but can’t be with.

And the next, it all comes crashing down and you’re doubtful whether your life could ever feel fulfilling without them in it.

But don’t worry, it’s OKAY!

It’s just part of the process. This is you acknowledging and respecting your feelings.

There’s no need to stop these feelings.

Yes, you cared and loved someone. No, they did not reciprocate your love. And yes, it did (and does still) hurt.

But you’re going to be okay.

The fact that you managed without them before, proves that you can manage without them now!

6. Consider Dating to Build Your Self-Worth

Alongside your social life and new hobbies (that possibly involve dancing ;)) you’ll be meeting plenty of people.

And once you’re working through the steps above, one of the best ways to unlove and forget someone, is through casual dating.

No, it doesn’t need to be anything serious. Just an easy-going but enjoyable first date.

Nothing that makes you feel pressured.

But if you put yourself out there on dating apps, or even do some fun speed dating just because…

You’ll soon come to realize that there are PLENTY of people that DO care and have the hots for you!

Which will put a stop to any negative thoughts.

And that is a very important experience to have and realization to come to.

Because you’ll be getting acknowledgement, approval, and interest from others, which will rebuild your confidence and sense of self-worth.

But, if you’re saying it’s too soon for you, I totally understand.

Sometimes you need some time to reconnect with yourself and also enjoy the often underrated benefits of being single.

7. Realize You Deserve Better

Now, no disrespect to that (previously?) special someone in your life.

But you deserve better than a one-sided love.

And realizing this is important.

You’re a fully fledged human being, with your very own unique presence, talents, and are clearly someone who is caring and willing to put a lot of effort into making love work.

And that shouldn’t be wasted on someone who is too blind to see the wonderful person that stands before them!

Again. You deserve better.

Conclusion

So can you forget someone you love?

Yes, you absolutely can forget someone you love and even should if they’re not reciprocating your love.

And if you’re wondering, how do you move on when you still love someone?

The answer is, when you work through the 7 steps we mentioned above, you will gradually fall out of love with them and in love with a new person.

Because there are truly plenty of fish in the sea.

And if you’re feeling a little lost right now, don’t worry, it will get better with time.

As to how long it takes to get over someone.

It may not seem like it when you’re in the midst of it all. But give yourself a few months and you’ll have stopped caring about them and will feel great again.

Yes, they may have been amazing and all, but you know who’s more amazing?

Yeah, that’s right, the strong person reading this post right now.

Give yourself enough time and company, and you’ll be surprised at your own strength and how many people DO actually value care for what you have to offer.

And if you want help processing any of this, you might find our one-on-one coaching calls helpful.In a call we’ll be able to get into the details of how exactly to stop caring about someone who doesn’t care about you. And give the you right tools and mindset to attract people who will return your love. 

You can click here to find out more about our coaching calls.

Otherwise, if you find yourself stuck in a cycle of choosing the wrong person, you might want to read Karolinas’ post How to Finally Find the Right Guy.

For now, if you have any questions, please drop them down below and I’ll get back to you!

Best,

Gabriel

Gabriel Brenner