Photo by Eric Ward

Have you been pouring your heart and soul into making something work, only to have most of your efforts fall flat, leaving you frustrated and wondering: when is enough, enough?

Regardless whether it’s a job, relationship, marriage, friendship, a relative or something entirely different that is draining you this way, it’s important to recognize the right time to give up and let go.

There is no point investing more into something that is never going to work out!

But at the same time, you have to be certain you gave it your best and did everything you possibly could. This way, you can avoid having regrets about this further down the road.

I’ve been in this situation countless time myself, so I know how hard it is to be on the verge of saying: “Enough is enough!”. Giving up on someone or something you put a lot of effort into is always heartbreaking.

It might make you question if it was all for nothing. Or if you were deceived and what you thought was real, turned out not to be true. These are all extremely difficult things to face.

But at the same time, sometimes you have to be willing to let go of the outcome in order to actually get what you want out of a situation, or get your message across in a relationship.

Sometimes it takes you walking away for other people to cave in and snap out of their stubborn frame of mind.

This is a bit of a paradox I will come back to at the end of this article, but first let’s cover how to recognize when is enough, enough.

How Do You Know When Enough Is Enough?

It’s not easy to know the right time to let go of something or someone. It’s hard to give up on things you’ve invested a lot into. Also, these kinds of decision sometimes carry irreversible consequences.

For example, quitting a job might mean losing this work environment forever.

In the same way, giving up on a relationship might mean that it will be the end of it.

This is why I’ve prepared a list of signs to help you recognize when enough is enough. This way, you can know you’re in a hopeless situation, and it’s time to let go of it.

1. Enough Is Enough When You’re the Only One Making Things Work

Any interpersonal relationship needs to be mutual in order to remain healthy.

Regardless whether this is about your job, family, friendship or romantic relationship, if you’re the only person who is putting in the effort into keeping things going, know that you’re being taken for granted.

The world is a tough place, and you are your own best protector. You have to stand up for yourself and not let other people endlessly use you.

This is particularly true in relationships. Being endlessly giving toward your partner never ends well.

So if you’re the only glue that keeps things together, it’s likely time to say: enough is enough! It’s not healthy for you to stay in a situation where you’re being used all the time.

You deserve better!

2. When You Keep On Blaming Yourself for Everything

Another tell-tale sign that it might be the time to say enough is enough, is when you keep on blaming yourself and taking responsibility for everything that isn’t going right.

For example, if you don’t feel valued at work and haven’t gotten a raise in a while, maybe you’re thinking: “Oh I’m just not trying hard enough plus they really don’t have the money to give me a raise at the moment…”.

In the context of a romantic relationship or an unhealthy family situation, an example of this would be you constantly making excuses and blaming yourself for your loved one’s outbursts.

“Oh, they didn’t mean it that way.”

“They’re just having a hard time right now.”

“Maybe I am being needy and unrealistic…”

A certain amount of fighting is normal and healthy in a relationship.

But if you’re walking on eggshells and blaming yourself for everything that is going wrong, know that it’s not good for you to tolerate this kind of treatment.

Your needs matter.

Moreover, someone else’s problems don’t justify them lashing out at you or denying you things.

If this is your situation, it might be a sign that enough is enough, it’s time for you to let go and make a change.

3. When You Never Get What You Want

Another way to tell when enough is enough is if you feel like you can never have what you want.

This might be a position at your job that keeps on being given to somebody else, that trip you’ve been wanting to go on with your significant other for years, or having your boundaries respected and your needs and acknowledged.

Maybe you’ve been longing for certain things for so long, you might be already coming to terms with never even getting what you want.

I used to struggle with this one in regard to getting enough attention from people. I kept on waiting for them to finally start thinking of me, only to be disappointed over and over again.

Eventually I grew tired of begging for attention and realized enough is enough. I will never have what I want if endlessly just keep on waiting for people to give it to me.

I had to let go of hoping that things will change by themselves and changed them myself.

So if you feel like you can never get what you want, it’s a sign that enough is enough. It’s time for you to give up hoping and waiting, and go and get what you want yourself.

4. Enough is Enough When You Tried Everything Already

One way to know enough is enough is when you feel like you’ve tried your best to fix a problem or a relationship. But despite all of your efforts, things still aren’t working out.

So you’re at a loss of what to do next.

Because it feels like you just run out of options at this point!

Some situations truly are hopeless. Unfortunately, you can’t force certain things to happen. Especially when other people are involved.

Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be…

Dwelling on this will only bring you more pain. When there is nothing more you can do, it’s a sign that enough is enough.

It’s time to cut your loses and let go.

Especially when you love someone, it’s hard to face that things might be over for good. But if they truly care about you, it’ll be a wake-up call for them, and they’ll fight for you.

5. When You Decide That Enough Is Enough

Last but not least, you don’t have to wait for all the signs to fit your situation to know when to let go of something.

Maybe this isn’t your first time facing this type of difficulties. So even though, things might not be that bad just yet, you know where they are headed.

Or maybe things are really hard for you, but you still feel guilty.

You might worry that giving up and saying enough is enough might mean that you didn’t really care about this thing or person you’re so frustrated with.

The thing is, you don’t have to stay committed to something or someone who is making you miserable. It’s ok to give up.

Moreover, sometimes it takes walking away or even cutting someone off, to get them to realize what they’re losing.

You can decide for yourself that enough is enough.

If deep down you feel this way, you can trust your instinct and respect your own limits.

At What Point Is Enough Enough in a Relationship?

All the signs mentioned above absolutely apply to relationships too. But on top of all these things, I want to discuss this paradox that I briefly mentioned in the introduction already:

Sometimes it takes saying enough is enough and letting go, for your partner to cave in and finally come your way.

I made this experience countless time in my own relationship! Whenever I push my husband to give me something, he will often remain resistant to all my efforts.

But when I let go of trying to control the outcome and give him a choice instead, more often than not, he will choose to give me what I want!

So saying enough is enough in relationship can actually be a good thing.

Because it can help you break out of your own self-defeating patters!

I’ve observed the same mechanism when coaching people on how to fix their relationship problems or get their ex back.

When you love someone, it’s often harder to say enough is enough. It actually forces you to face certain difficult truths about them. That they’re not exactly the person you wanted them to be.

But coming to terms with things the way they are can often be a pivotal moment that can turn everything around and heal a relationship.

So don’t think that saying enough is enough will be the end of your relationship, because it’s generally the opposite. It’s staying miserable and letting grudges pile up that leads to people slowly losing interest and growing apart.

When Is Enough Enough in a Marriage?

The same rules that apply to relationships, also apply to marriage. With the difference being that it’s much harder to end a marriage than it is to break up.

It might feel like saying enough is enough to your spouse will be the end of things.

But it doesn’t generally work this way.

People tend to think in extremes.

I’m guilty of this myself too. I often dramatize that me giving up on something will be the end. But saying enough is enough and coming clean with where I’m really at often becomes a fresh beginning.

So don’t think that you deciding to let go will be the end of your marriage. What it might end up being is the very thing that saves it instead!

If after reading all this, you still feel stuck and don’t know what to do, this is something we can help you with in a one-on-one coaching call.

SimplyTogether Coaching Calls

Here, either me or my husband Gabriel will listen to you and help you recognize if your situation really is hopeless or not.

We’ll then give you tips on what to do to test things, so that you can be sure you’re making the right choice.

Click here to check out Coaching Calls.

Thank you for reading! If you have any questions, leave them in the comments below, and I’ll get back to you.

And If you’re looking for some comfort in knowing that you’re not alone in feeling this way, check out: 50 Sad One Sided Relationship Quotes About One Way Love


Karolina Bartnik