Losing interest in your relationship is never pleasant, yet it’s something most couples go through at least once at some point in the course of being together.
There are a lot of misconceptions out there on how love works in the long term. We’ve all been taught to dream of finding the one and living happily ever after, but the reality of relationships is often much messier than that of rom coms and fairy tales.
All couples have their ups and down. They grow closer and then the spark starts fading and they start growing apart from each other.
Here are the common signs to help you determine whether you’re losing interest in your relationship followed by useful tips on what you can do to bring back the fun of being together with your partner.
1. You Don’t Enjoy the Alone Time Together Anymore
Every fresh couple can’t wait to finally get a chance to be alone together. This is where you get to experience deeper intimacy and closeness with your partner, emotionally as well as physically.
If you’re not interested in exploring those things with your significant other anymore, it’s a sign you’re gradually losing interest in them.
2. You Don’t Feel Like Making an Effort in Your Relationship
Making an effort to either impress your partner or make them feel good is a natural part of being in love. It’s something that should feel pleasant and give you a sense of satisfaction.
If you don’t care about making your partner happy anymore, or worse if it becomes more like a CHORE to you, it’s a definite sign that you’re losing interest in your relationship.
3. You Talk More With Other People Than You Do With Your S.O.
When two people are in love, they simply can’t stop talking to each other. There is always more to share, discuss or laugh about.
When you start losing interest in your relationship though, the ability to express yourself freely and openly communicate with your partner slowly begins to fade.
If you feel like you have much easier time talking to other people than to your significant other, that’s a sign something is wrong and you’re likely losing interest in your relationship.
There are however also ways in which you can improve communication in your relationship.
4. You’re Not Excited About Your Future Together
Healthy relationships are a journey of continuously growing closer and closer to one another. It’s an extremely exciting and fulfilling process. You’re always discovering new things and moving towards your next big goal together.
However, if the prospect of the future together with your partner seems dull or even frustrating to you, chances are, you’re losing interest in them.
5. You Feel Lonely When Your Around Your Partner
Feeling lonely when you’re all by yourself can be tough, but feeling alone while being around the person that is supposed to be the one closest to you, can be heartbreaking!
It’s also a sign that your relationship is not working for you and that you’re gradually losing interest in it.
6. Things You Once Valued About Your Relationship Become Annoying
You know these cute little habits you and your partner have, that were once adorable to you: like starting the day by hugging each other, or your partner’s passions or interests.
Maybe you were once able to listen to your S.O.’s ramble for hours on end and feel fascinated by everything they said. And now, every time they even open their mouths, you can already predict exactly what they’re going to say, so you just roll your eyes and cringe inwardly.
If things you once liked about your partner start to annoy you, that’s a definite sign you’re losing interest in your relationship.
7. You Start Flirting With Other People
When two people are in love with each other, the whole outside world tends to disappear. In the beginning, you’re just so preoccupied with your relationship, there is hardly any room for anything or anyone. But when something goes wrong and a relationship becomes disconnected, we tend to start to feel drawn to other people more than to our partner.
If you found yourself flirting with friends, coworkers or even complete strangers, this might be a warning sign that you’re losing interest in your relationship.
Is It Normal to Lose Interest in a Relationship?
It’s absolutely normal to not feel as crazy in love with your partner as you did in the beginning.
Honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever. The initial crazy excitement between a couple is often fuelled by uncertainty and all the unknowns.
This is why as your connection grows and you build more and more trust with one another, your butterflies in the stomach give way to more mature feelings and sentiments.
However, this process shouldn’t make you less interested in your partner. On the contrary, it should allow you to want to build a deeper and deeper bond and crave even more love and connection.
If it is not the case for you, that’s a signs something is not working. It’s not normal to lose interest in your relationship.
There must be a reason for you to feel this way. I will get to explaining this more further down in this post. I want to first address an issue so many of you guys bring up in comments and coaching calls:
Can You Lose Interest in Your Relationship, but Still Love Your Partner?
After reading all these signs and finding that a few match the situation in your relationship, you might be feeling doubtful whether things can still change.
Discovering and facing problems is never easy. Even writing about these signs made me depressed, it made me remember all the moments in my relationship when I felt this way too…
But, just because you’re losing interest in your partner, doesn’t mean that you don’t love him or her anymore. It is possible to lose interest in someone but still love them.
You can feel a deep warm attachment towards someone without necessarily feeling the spark and chemistry that was once there.
A lot of people believe that once you find the right person to be with, everything should just fall into place.
Unfortunately, love is not that simple.
This unpleasant stage of losing interest in your relationship is not normal but it’s extremely common. Pretty much every couple goes through it at least once.
So just because you’re losing interest in your partner, it doesn’t mean you’re wrong for each other or that your relationship is doomed to fail.
All these signs are just indicators of problems that you and your significant other are likely unaware of. This brings me to the next point…
The Most Common Reason for Loss of Interest in a Relationship
The most common reason why people lose interest in one another but can still love each other are: unresolved relationship problems.
Every relationship comes with a unique set of issues. When those issues aren’t being addressed, they tend to pile up and create sort of ‘an emotional wall’ that separates you from your partner.
You still love and care about each other, but there are just so many things that stand in the way and prevent you from feeling attracted to him/her.
These can be lots of little things, like holding a grudge about them always being late or not liking your favorite movie.
They can also be big unresolved problems like hiding things, lying or being emotionally unavailable etc.
Or maybe you feel disconnected due to having different approaches towards life, habits, interest, opinions etc.
When these kinds of issues go on unaddressed for a long period of time, they will make it impossible for you to feel close and intimate with your partner.
Because of this you will gradually lose interest in your relationship.
How to Regain Interest in Your Relationship
The ultimate trick to getting that spark and excitement back in your relationship is working on those unresolved relationship problems that caused you and your partner to grow apart in the first place.
Addressing all those issues is the ONLY way to truly remove the barriers that prevent you from feeling close and connected to one another.
My partner, Gabriel and I went through the very same journey.
Even though we were absolutely crazy about each other in the beginning, we too grew apart and lost interest in our relationship.If you’re in a similar situation where despite losing interest, your relationship is too precious for you to give up on and you believe that with the right kind of help you can get it back to the exciting, romantic and connected relationship it once used to be…
Then you should know that this is exactly why we created our Rebuild Your Relationship course.
In it, we explain to you the exact steps we took to fix our own relationship. You’ll learn about the common barriers that make relationships feel like they’re in a slump. We’ll also teach you the necessary mindset and powerful tools to make things exciting again.
Also, if still you’re unsure whether your relationship is worth fighting for, you might want to check out 10 Undeniable Signs Your Relationship Is Really Over
And in case you need some further tips on how to regain interest in your relationship, be sure to read Gabriel’s post on How to Save a Dying Relationship
If you have any questions or need more specific advice and want to share your own story, leave me a comment and I’ll get back to you.
Karolina
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