Taking a break in a relationship is never easy to deal with. Especially if you’re not the one who initiated it!
Maybe you can sense your significant other pulling away already, and it’s making you panic. Don’t worry though! They’re not going to stop loving you from one day onto the next.
What’s more, if you manage to keep your cool through all of this, chances are this problem will just blow over, and you will be back to normal in no time. In this blog post I’ll explain relationship breaks in detail, what causes them, how long they should be and how to successfully get back on track afterwards.
Is Taking a Break in a Relationship Healthy
First off, you might be wondering is this whole concept of going on a break is a good idea. Are relationship breaks healthy? Are they a good way of coping with problems?
In an ideal world we would all be perfect communicators who are willing to talk, listen, have infinite patience and no other problems in life. Unfortunately, this is not the case. People have lots of limitations and there are things and other people that can come in a way and sabotage your relationship.
Relationship break are healthy when one or both of you reached a point where they feel like they have no other way of dealing with an issue. For example, when you no longer can talk without arguing, or when one of you (or both) feels too pressured and overwhelmed with needs of the other.
At such a point in a relationship, a break is not only healthy but also a necessity.
What Does Taking a Break Mean in a Relationship
Going on a break means that there is a problem either in your relationship or outside of it that is making it impossible for the two of you to be together at the moment.
It also means that whoever initiated the break run out of options on how to deal with this issue.
How to Deal With Taking a Break in a Relationship
The key to successfully dealing with a relationship break is to not let your panic make things worse. It really is just what your partner said it is – a break – not a breakup.
We have so many coaching clients who either freak out when they go on a break, they start overriding their boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s boundaries which only leads to it turning into an actual breakup! So keep this in mind and try to self-soothe your anxious attachment (if you need to).
Another common pitfall a lot of our clients fall into when it comes to relationship breaks is that they continue relating to their partner as though there is no problem.
They hope that by acting as though there are no issues in the relationship, they’ll make that the new reality. That just a day or two of giving space should be enough for your significant other to just get over themselves and their problems, and start behaving the way they should.
Unfortunately, this attitude also makes break turn into breakups.
What you need to do instead is approach your partner with empathy and take what they’re complaining about seriously.
What Are the Rules for Taking a Break in a Relationship
There are no universal rules on how to take a break in a relationship. This is something your significant other and you need to discuss and decide yourselves. Does the person who initiated it want to be texted? Don’t assume things, just ask them!
These are some general guidelines that are bound to keep your break as short as possible:
1. Respect Your Partner’s Boundaries
One of the most fundamental way of how to ensure that the break does in fact end at some point is respecting your significant other’s boundaries. If they say they don’t want to hear from you, leave them be. If they say they don’t want to see you, don’t try to convince them otherwise.
We’ve had quite a few cases of both men and women who failed at this point. Not only did it escalate their break into a breakup.
Knowing how to take a relationship break is all about finding a balanced approach and not falling into any extremes. You can’t chase and convince them to end the break, but you also should coldly distance yourself either.
Doing it will make your partner feel like you’re abandoning them with their issues and aren’t interested in making things work.
3. Be Empathetic and Try to Be There for Your Partner
Lat but not least, the third rule for going on a relationship break is to be attentive and try your best to be there for your partner.
If their problem is with you, take them seriously and listen. If the issue they’re struggling with is something else, try your best to support them with it.
How Long Should a Break In a Relationship Last
Taking a break in a relationship is almost always unsettling. That’s why most people’s instinct is to try to get it over and done with as soon as possible.
However, getting back in touch with your significant other TOO SOON might lead to problems and actually force you to take more or longer breaks from each other.
In the course of my over 9-year long relationship with my boyfriend, Gabriel, we’ve been through countless breaks. Some lasted only an hour, while others took up to a MONTH.
Spending time apart from each other was always very tough for me. I never really enjoyed giving Gabriel space but I was forced to do it on multiple occasions.
From my own personal experience, I’ve learned that the point of taking a break in a relationship is to resolve a problem that you’ve failed to deal with otherwise.
That’s why, how long a relationship break should be, very strongly depends on the kind of issue that you’re currently dealing with.
Three Most Common Reasons Why People Take Relationship Breaks
This is something I’ve learned from my own personal experience, as well as observed from our coaching clients,
there are three main reasons why people in a relationship decide to take a break from each other:
Break caused by an argument
Break caused by external factors
Break caused by serious relationship problems
A break caused by an argument is a situation where two people get into a fight.
This might happen in a form of a heated exchange, as well as a totally cold, reserved interaction followed by holding grudges or silent treatment.
Regardless of how the relationship fight looks like exactly, at the end of it, both sides fail to get through to each other, so they’re left with no other option than to just take a break to cool off and get some distance from it all.
A break caused by external factors is another really common situation when either one or both partners need space from each other.
Everybody struggles in life every now and then. It might be due to being overwhelmed at work, family problems, health or mental health, etc.
When going through a tough time, people often fear being judged or don’t want to be perceived as a burden, so they request space or suggest taking a relationship break.
A break caused by serious relationship problems is a situation where a lot of negative factors come together:
If a couple is constantly fighting, one or both sides feel unhappy and the relationship is just not working anymore, taking a break from each other is the last resort to try to restore peace and try to figure a way out.
How Long Should a Relationship Break Caused by an Argument Last
When it comes to dealing with a break caused by a relationship fight this is the easiest and also the shortest one!
The main purpose of taking this kind of time out is to give both of you room to cool off and let your emotions calm down so that you can both gain some distance from the fight and reevaluate the situation with a clearer head.
Whenever Gabriel and I get stuck in an argument it generally takes us anywhere from an hour up to a day to calm down enough so that we can start communicating again.
When it comes to relationship breaks caused by an argument, if the break is cut too soon, it’s bound to cause yet another argument…
On the other hand, if the break lasts too long it might turn into mutual silent treatment, which only tends to make matters worse…
Keep in mind, these rules aren’t set in stone.
Ultimately, the length of the break you and your partner need depends on your personalities and also on the magnitude of the fight.
How Long Should a Relationship Break Caused by External Factors Be
Relationship breaks caused by external factors are always more tricky to deal with, that’s why they tend to be longer.
These types of breaks can generally last between one day to up to a week.
Of course, how much time apart you need from each other, depends on what kind of problems you’re dealing with.
E.g.: When dealing with an overall bad mood one day can be enough to clear it out.
But when it comes to serious family emergencies, they might require your significant other to dedicate much more of their time and attention.
Gabriel and I went through multiple breaks due to all sorts of external factors.
At the beginning of our relationship, he would sometimes say he needs space out of the blue. Even though he never communicated it back then, I could sense that he was simply feeling down but wasn’t ready to show me that part of himself yet.
However, as we grew closer and built trust with each other, our breaks caused by the problems outside of our relationship became shorter and shorter.
The big thing about this kind of relationship break is that when a person is struggling with something, what they often really need is not space but SUPPORT.
The tricky part here is that you might not always be able or willing to give your significant other the support they crave.
Or that your partner might not be able or willing to ACCEPT the support you’re offering…
That’s why taking a break from each other is often a helpful compromise.
How Long Should a Relationship Break Caused by Serious Relationship Problems Last
Last but not least, let’s finally get to the longest and most difficult type of relationship breaks: the ones caused by serious relationship problems.
All couples have problems. It’s normal to have disagreements, feel misunderstood at times, or not always get what you want from your partner.
However, there might come a time in a relationship when NOTHING seems to be working anymore.
This happened to Gabriel and me.
We’ve reached a point where we could not see eye to eye on things, we fought all the time, and both felt misunderstood and alone.
It was as though we were continuously hitting an invisible wall that just kept on tearing us apart.
So we decided to take a break.
In fact, this happened THREE times.
Gabriel and I have been through THREE breaks caused by serious relationship problems (they were basically breakups just that we always decided to keep in touch with each other).
Even though it was Gabriel who initiated all three of our ‘breakups’, I have been the one who insisted on making them last longer.
I did it because I thought that by extending our time apart we’d be more likely to come to some groundbreaking conclusions that would magically fix our relationship.
Unfortunately, that’s just not how things work. Relationship problems don’t vanish by themselves…
All three of our relationship breaks lasted about a month and looking back at it, I consider all three of them to have been UNNECESSARILY LONG.
Too long of a break doesn’t contribute anything towards gaining any new perspective on things.
In reality, making a break last a very long time only makes it more likely for it to turn into an actual breakup.
That’s why I recommend that a relationship break caused by serious relationship problems should last from about one week up to about a month.
And if your guy happens to be the emotionally unavailable type, then watching out for these signs that he misses you, can help the break feel more bearable.
How to Make a Relationship Break Work
As I outlined in the beginning of this article, couples decide to take a break from each other when they face a relationship problem that they aren’t able to fix.
This might be something relatively small, like a fight. Something slightly bigger, like personal issues or struggles. Or it can be multiple serious relationship problems.
Generally speaking, the bigger the problem, the longer the relationship break needs to last.
However, it’s important to keep in mind that on their own, breaks actually DON’T FIX ANYTHING.
They can only provide emotional distance and a fresh perspective that can be crucial in solving relationship problems.
But in order to truly make a relationship break work, both you and your partner need to use what you’ve learned from the break and do the fixing the problem part yourselves.
This brings me back to my story.
You see, all three of our relationship breaks have been caused by THE SAME ONE relationship problem.
We didn’t manage to fix it the first time round.
That’s why we eventually ended up taking yet another long and painful break from each other.
We didn’t manage to fix it the second time round either…
This is the sad reality of relationship breaks.
If you don’t SOLVE the problem that is causing you and your partner to need a break from each other, eventually the same situation is bound to repeat.
You’ll need to take another, maybe an even longer relationship break.
That’s what kept on happening to us.
Even though we were perfect for each other, if we hadn’t managed to solve that ONE recurring relationship problem, we would have been broken up for good by now…
The Ultimate Solution to Prevent or Shorten Relationship Breaks
So you might be wondering, what was THE ONE PROBLEM that kept on causing us to take multiple long breaks from each other?
We didn’t know how to ACKNOWLEDGE each other’s feelings!
And what we discovered while working with countless other couples is that this ONE BIG BLOCK is what prevented them from successfully getting through to each other as well.
Acknowledgment works like a magical spell that can make relationship problems vanish within seconds!
It’s the ultimate solution to dramatically shorten or prevent all relationship breaks.
If you want to find out more about this tool and its incredible effects in a relationship, you can check out our Rebuild Your Relationship course.
In it we guide you step by step on how to use acknowledgment to make your relationship break work and fix the problems that caused it.
This way you won’t need to worry about having too much space from each other ever again.
We also address the common relationship problems and pitfalls that stand in the way of having a happy and lasting relationship, so that you can truly build the loving and stable relationship you dream of.
When your man seems touchy about a certain topic or avoids answering questions.
Telling him “We don’t have to talk about it now.”
Can instantly relax him and even lower his guard.
You see, men are sensitive to feeling pressured into talking about things they don’t want to talk about.
They don’t want to feel forced or obliged to tell things to their girlfriends they don’t feel ready to.
So when you demonstrate that you are understanding about that and aren’t pushing.
It’s a BIG DEAL to him.
It might also totally surprise him and if he has this continuous experience with you, it’s likely he will trust and open up to you.
6. “I Want You”
Even though we live in the modern age with an ongoing conversation about equality between the sexes.
I’ve heard many stories about women worrying about being judged for making the first move in seeking intimacy with their partner.
That they’ve been shamed for their sexual desire.
So when women have those kinds of experiences, it’s obvious they would be hesitant to initiate.
And it’s important to be cautious and have trust with your partner before doing so.
Having said all of that…
Men also crave to FEEL DESIRED.
To hear the words “I want you.” and FEEL that you do.
It’s a very intimate and special feeling to a man and in turn, he will desire and value you even more.
Here is a summary of the 6 things your man needs to hear
“I’ve Got Your Back”
“It’s Okay to Make Mistakes”
“I Believe in You and I Know You Can Do It”
“Thank You for Making an Effort”
“I’m Sorry, I Messed Up”
“I Want You”
Now, remember if you want maximum impact, do not just deliver the lines.
If you want what you say to have a REAL EFFECT on your man, you need these things to come from the heart.
Say what FEELS REAL to you.
Put it in your own words or give it your own spin if that feels better to you.
Phew, finally all done.
Now you’re fully equipped and prepared to say the words that will have him totally melt in your arms and tell you that you’re the most caring and understanding woman in the world!
If for some reason, however, he’s a stubborn one and eyes you up suspiciously with disbelief, even when you say these nice things…
Now saying the things to your man wants to hear is a wonderful thing to do for him, but let’s take a moment to talk about what’s in it for YOU.
Chances are you’re trying to figure out what he needs, so that you can win him over and gain his trust. And this in turn should help build the deeper bond and security with him that you’re maybe longing for.
But as I’m sure you’ve experienced yourself, simply saying what he wants to hear or doing what he wants, is unfortunately rarely enough to get him to treat- and relate to you the way you actually want!
It’s a common misunderstanding, that these things alone, will change a mans behavior.
If you want to truly change things with him and take your relationship to the next level, then don’t miss our Rebuild Your Relationship course.
In it we go beyond the things men like to hear and teach you exactly what steps you need to take to get him to respect and value you; a relationship where he just can’t get enough and wants to build a special and deep attachment, just with you.
Being together with a guy who doesn’t want to commit is tough. It forces you to live in constant fear of being left. You might be asking yourself: “Is it my fault?” “Am I doing something wrong or is it that I’m simply not good enough?”
These are all very hurtful thoughts. Being uncertain whether your relationship will last or not can be very disheartening. But don’t worry. It is possible to get a man to commit!
I’ve done it. When we first started dating Gabriel was not sure whether he believed in monogamy at all. But as our relationship progressed, his attitude changed dramatically.
We are now fully committed to each other and often talk about growing old together.
In this article, I will share some tips that can help to get your man to commit.
1. Don’t Commit To Someone Who Is Not Serious About You
Before even beginning figuring out how to get a man to commit, you first have to filter out the ones that are not really interested in being in a relationship with you.
Sometimes you might find yourself having a crush on someone who does not reciprocate. When that is the case, it’s important to realize it as early as possible to avoid or minimize pain and heartbreak. That’s why it’s essential that you learn to notice when a person is stringing you along.
Actions speak louder than words. When you start dating someone who just happens to not be really that into you, chances of them admitting it straight to your face are slim to none.
A guy will rarely say to a girl “look, I’m not sure you’re quite good enough for me, so let’s keep this going and I’ll just keep looking… ok?”
That’s a really hurtful thing to say to a person.
However, it is really easy and quite common to communicate the same thing with actions.
Some things to look out for include:
Taking forever to reply to your texts
Never or rarely making an effort to arrange a date
Coming late or canceling last minute
Ghosting you for a couple of days or weeks and then reaching out again
Being vague/non-communicative
Lying or making up excuses
These kinds of behaviors communicate “I don’t really care about you, or this relationship”. People do these kinds of thing all the time. It’s not just guys who string girls along. Women do it as much as men do. Let’s be honest here, everybody does it. I’m not proud of it, but I’ve done it in the past too.
Regardless of how common and widespread this kind of treatment is, it doesn’t make it is ok. It is a hurtful thing to do to a person.
That’s why, if a guy treats you this way, it’s best to just move on.
You deserve to be with someone who will truly value you, someone who will make an effort to get to know you and win your love.
There are plenty of fish in the sea. There are a lot of guys out there who want to commit. So don’t waste your time chasing after the ones who don’t.
2. Don’t Try To Force A Guy To Commit To You
In order to get a guy to commit to you, you can’t try to force him into it. Commitment is a choice that he has to make for himself.
Us girls have a lot of covert ways of getting what we want out of our partners. We cry, withhold affection, dramatize. There are countless tactics women use to get men to behave a certain way.
Everybody gets a bit controlling every now and then. I’ve thrown tantrums for many trivial reasons.
But trying to make your partner do things your way is not a good habit for your relationship. Period. However, when it comes to commitment, it can really only do more harm than good.
When you pressure your partner to commit to you, you take away his choice to do so willingly.
To illustrate how commitment is not something you can forcefully make happen I will share a story of a friend of mine.
She was in a happy, committed relationship, living with her boyfriend, who totally loved her and wanted the relationship to last. However, she really wanted him to propose.
She kept on obsessing about it. Talked about it to all of her friends, got upset at him over and over again. This fight went on between them for a bit over a year.
After a while, she somehow managed to relax about not being engaged. She accepted that he will propose to her when he feels ready to.
About a month after my friend’s change of attitude, her boyfriend proposed.
After the proposal, he said to her
“I couldn’t do it before. As long as you were stressing me about proposing, I felt like I’d be only doing me to make you happy. I didn’t want to propose to you just to make you happy, I wanted to propose to you because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you”.
She was super shocked and happy, she couldn’t believe it, yet it made perfect sense to her. They are happily married now.
In conclusion, commitment is about choosing to be faithful, truthful and trustworthy.It’s like a gift that you and your partner choose to give each other.
Gifts by their very nature have to be given freely.
3. Understand That Men Crave Commitment Too
It is a popular belief that only women crave the stability and safety of a committed relationship, whereas men just want to conquer and “spread their seed”.
Seeing the world through this lens forces both women and men to perceive the other as their enemy, due to this inherent conflict of interest.
Perceiving your partner as an enemy will inevitably hurt your relationship. Unfortunately, this divide between the sexes is so heavily reinforced in our society, it is really hard to escape it.
That is the reason why women try to control their boyfriends and pressure them into commitment. They simply feel like there is no other way.
However, that is not the case at all.
The truth is, there are a lot of men out there who crave the level of stability, safety, and intimacy that can only be achieved in a long-lasting committed relationship.
Men are taught to be strong, to show no weakness. Needing safety and being afraid of abandonment is a weakness. So it makes sense that men would be less likely to express it.
Perceiving your boyfriend not as a man, but as a person, will open him up. It will help you gain his trust and will inevitably make him grow more attached to you.
4. Become Irreplaceable to Him By Getting To Know Your Man And Building Trust
The best way to make sure that your man will never leave you is by providing value that simply cannot be replaced.
There are always going to be some other girls out there that are prettier, more fit or smarter than you. So it’s rather pointless to try to compete in these domains.
However, when it comes to knowing your man and gaining his trust, you have the advantage over all other women.
It takes time to get to know a person and even longer for them to open up and start truly trusting you.
Making an effort to get to know your man provides a huge value to them. It makes them feel important and appreciated.
He will begin to feel like he can be himself around you and that is rare, not many people get to experience that.
We all only show the facade of our true personality to the outside world because it is vulnerable to be ourselves. Everybody has lots of protective layers that they have built over the years.
Getting a guy to peel off these layers and let you in, takes time.
Another aspect of your relationship that can become completely irreplaceable is the trust you have built with your partner.
Just like with getting to know each other, trust building doesn’t happen overnight.
Trust is such a powerful quality in a relationship because it really solidifies the bond between you and your man. It is the foundation for love to grow.
If you manage to get your man to trust you, he will definitely want to commit to you.
Now that you know that getting a man to commit to you is all about connecting with him on a deeper level, you might also want check out our FREE 4-Day Relationship challenge.
Here you’ll receive four insightful lessons and activities to boost your relationship. These four little things might just be what you need to get him to finally openly declare his attachment to you!
We always believed that relationships should be FUN and uplifting! And we were obsessed with finding real-world practical solutions for our relationship problems. Today we help others do the same with our blog.
To provide the best experiences, we and our partners use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us and our partners to process personal data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site and show (non-) personalized ads. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Click below to consent to the above or make granular choices. Your choices will be applied to this site only. You can change your settings at any time, including withdrawing your consent, by using the toggles on the Cookie Policy, or by clicking on the manage consent button at the bottom of the screen.
Functional
Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes.The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional
Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes.The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
