Loving someone with avoidant attachment can be extremely difficult.
Avoidants often doubt their own feelings and intentions, because of this they tend to bombard their partners with mixed messages.
They can go from showering you with attention to being unresponsive and distant in a matter of days or even hours.
These kinds of mood swings will not be just limited to the early stages of dating.
Avoidants remain the same in a long term relationship.
They can fluctuate so much, they’ll go from telling you how much they love and appreciate you on one day, to pulling away and needing space on the next!
What’s even worse, avoidants have a tendency to continue testing their partner’s limits by pulling away and letting their doubts and fears sabotage things. So much so, they might even break up for what feels like no good reason.
Loving someone with avoidant attachment is like navigating a maze.
You have to learn to read all their hidden messages and not fall into their traps.
But before going into how to do this, let’s first talk about whether it’s something that is even worth the effort.
Can a Relationship With an Avoidant Ever Work?
When you’re loving someone with avoidant attachment, there might be times when you’ll be wondering:
Why am I even doing this to myself?!
Why am I choosing to be with someone who keeps on pulling away over and over again?
Will this ever change?
I’m here to tell you, that yes it can absolutely change!
A relationship with an avoidant can work.
It is possible to win over your partner’s trust and support them in overcoming their attachment issues, so much so, they’ll become openly grateful, appreciative and committed.
I’ve seen this kind of transformation happen many times.
My then boyfriend, now husband, used to have a lot of traits of avoidant attachment. He had a fear of commitments, needed a lot of space, wasn’t sure he saw a future for us together, and all that changed!
Furthermore, I’ve observed many more avoidant attachment relationship successes among a lot of my coaching clients.
Men who were distant and hesitant to really let their girlfriends into their lives, suddenly changed and didn’t want to go anywhere without them.
The same way, women who kept on pulling away and were unwilling to commit, could suddenly make up their mind and start making a lot more effort.
Getting an avoidant to go through this kind of transformation takes effort though.
And for you to be willing to put in all that work, you have to first know if they really care about you or not.
How Do You Tell if an Avoidant Loves You?
Being able to tell if an avoidant truly loves you is not always easy.
They might tell you that they don’t think they love you as much as you love them.
Or that they’re not sure what their true feelings are.
At the same time, they’ll keep on saying or doing things that completely contradict what they just said…
Don’t let your partner fool you.
A person with avoidant attachment can fall in love. But they won’t be able to express it clearly and openly.
That’s why you’re better off reading between the lines and looking at their actions, rather than listening to what they are saying.
Here you’ll find a list of signs that an avoidant loves you:
1. They Tell You They Love You or Express Their Appreciation
One of the most confusing things a lot of avoidants do is say that they love you, or express how much they value something about you, and then backtrack on it the next day!
This happens because people with avoidant attachment get riddled with doubt.
They might have a brief moment of clarity and getting in touch with their own feelings, but it’s often followed by a flood of panic and fears.
So if your partner expressed their love or appreciation for you and then took it all back, know that they did actually mean it.
This confusing behavior is extremely common!
It’s a definite sign that you’re dealing with an avoidant and that they are falling for you.
2. They Are Considerate or Caring
People with avoidant attachment tend to have an easier time showing you that they love you with actions rather than with words or commitments.
This is why they can act in most considerate of ways:
They’ll make sure you’re feeling good and comfortable. They’ll listen to you about your problems, try to help you out, get you the things you need etc.
But again, they are very likely to play it all down, saying that all their efforts meant nothing and that they would do it for anyone.
When they say this, don’t listen to them.
Someone being considerate and caring towards you is a definite sign of them loving you, no matter what they claim.
When loving someone with avoidant attachment, you need to ignore their words and listen to their actions instead!
3. They’re Affectionate and Seek Physical Closeness
Physical touch is a big way of how a person can express their feelings for somebody else.
For some avoidants it’s easier to connect on a deeper level through physical intimacy.
They might be too doubtful of their own feelings to be able to state them in a conversation. But somehow, expressing them through affection or even sex might be much less of a barrier to them.
So if your partner with avoidant attachment is affectionate towards you or seeks physical closeness and intimacy, consider it a sign that they long to feel close to you because they do actually love you.
4. You Feel Like What You Share Is Special
This is something I’ve known from my own experience, but also heard from countless coaching clients. To you, the relationship might feel extremely special.
Deep down, you know the bond that you share is very strong and meaningful. That having this level of connection is actually extremely rare.
But your partner with avoidant attachment just keeps on playing it down and denying feeling the same way you do. Which inevitably leads you to wonder: am I just imagining it all?
You’re not just imagining it. You can trust your own judgment.
But if your partner reliably keeps on coming back after pulling away, it’s a sign that they are attached and care about you.
An avoidant who loves you will always find their way back to you!
6. They Keep On Trying to Impress You
Avoidants like to play coy. They’re generally not the type of people who make big romantic gestures. But they have other, more covert ways of ensuring that you become and remain crazy about them…
They do it by endlessly trying to impress you.
Everybody has their own ways of going about this:
Some people try to impress their partners with their extensive knowledge base.
Others like to show off their exquisite taste or culinary skills.
Some avoidants will try to impress you by being handy and doing things for you.
While others might try to flex with their expensive gadgets, clothes, tickets that are otherwise hard to get etc.
If your partner with avoidant attachments makes continuous efforts to impress you, it’s a definite sign that they want to keep you interested because they’re in love with you.
7. They’re Keeping You Chasing Them
Last but not least, one of the most common signs of an avoidant loving you is when they make sure that you always keep on chasing them.
They do it by giving you just enough encouragement for you to believe that they do really care about you.
But not quite enough for you to be able to just relax and feel like you’ve got full control over them and the relationship.
They want to keep you on your toes. As long as you’re chasing them, they don’t need to worry about losing you. It’s their way of making sure that you will stick around.
When an avoidant is making you chase them a lot, know that it’s a sign that they are attached and love you.
How Do You Love Someone With Avoidant Attachment?
Loving someone with avoidant attachment is definitely a big challenge. They’ll keep on testing you by pulling away.
On one hand, they’ll be checking what your intentions are and if you’re trying to trap and control them.
And on the other hand, they’ll also need to see that you won’t give up and walk away from them without putting up a fight.
The most difficult part of this whole problem is that they won’t be able to give you that sense of security and stability you might be so desperately needing from them.
At least not directly…
They’ll only leave hints and hope that you can read between the lines and get their message.
So you really have to trust your own gut here. You have to be the emotional compass for both of you.
Avoidants are generally too sacred and doubtful to give you many guarantees.
Pushing them to do so will only backfire. They’ll either pull away or only make you doubt everything more.
So take their words with a grain of salt and look at their actions. That’s where you can find the reassurance and stability you crave and need.
The second big component that can turn your relationship with an avoidant into a success is setting boundaries.
You need to stand up to them and tell them that they can’t endlessly keep on pulling away and testing you.
This way, you can make sure you don’t burn out and let them make you give up.
If you’re struggling because of dating someone with avoidant attachment, check out our new program Attach An Avoidant.
Here, we will help you figure out if you’re just imagining things or if your partner truly cares about you. We’ll also teach you what to do, to get them to stop sabotaging your relationship and pushing you away.
Have you just had some of your hopes shattered or your heart broken for what feels like a millionth time, and it made you wonder:
“Why do I get attached so easily?!”
I am a person who gets attached a lot, and I have a very hard time letting go.
I used to hold onto people and things, feel responsible, take the blame for when something didn’t work out etc…
So I know, from my own personal experience, how difficult of a problem our attachments can become.
On one hand, getting attached can be a sign of great strength. It allows you to build meaningful connections.
But on the other hand, it can also become your greatest weakness.
It might make you let our guard down prematurely and expose yourself to being burned time and time again.
And these kinds of bad experiences will inevitably take a toll on your self-esteem, mental health and overall well-being.
This is why in this blog post I will tell you more about my own journey of why I struggled with getting attached so easily and how I learned to manage it.
1. You Have a False Idea About How Love Works
The number why reason why people can become attached to someone they barely know is because of all the false preconceptions about love we’re being fed all the time.
Books, movies, series and even other people sell this idea that when you meet the one, you instantly feel the spark and know that this is the person you’ll want to spend the rest of your life with.
In reality, love doesn’t work this way at all.
You can absolutely feel attracted to someone at first sight! But it takes time to get to know someone enough, for real feelings to develop between the two of you.
You can’t truly love someone you don’t really know.
If you fall in love fast and easily, chances are, rather than taking your time to get to know your crush, you’re creating an idea of who this person is in your head.
Unfortunately, doing this is a recipe for disaster.
It’s like driving blindfolded, hoping that the road ahead is straight and clear.
And it never is…
I used to think in those terms too and kept on making this very mistake over and over again.
I had to learn how to recognize the signs of true love, to be actually able to finally meet my soulmate and make things work with him.
2. You’ve Been Made to Trust Blindly
Another big reason why you might be getting attached so easily is because you were never taught how to actually build trust.
Much like when it comes to love, there are also a lot of false preconceptions about how trust works too!
In fact, most people tend to mistake trust for blind faith.
This is why they so often say things like “I just need you to trust me” or “why can’t you just trust me?”
Truth of this matter is, trust is not a choice, it’s a feeling.
And you can’t make yourself feel something.
One of the shocking discoveries I’ve made on my journey of fixing my own attachment style was that I actually had a lot of trust issues.
What’s more, I was trying to simply override them the whole time, all by jumping into commitments blindly.
Because of this, I never got a chance to build real trust and inevitably ended up becoming anxious, desperate and needy.
Becoming aware of, and overcoming your trust issues, might be the very thing you need to do, to stop yourself from getting attached too quickly.
3. You’re Eager to Get People to Like You
Another reason why you might be getting attached so easily, could be because maybe you’re just so eager to get people to become attached to you too.
A lot of us do vulnerable things in the hopes of our efforts being reciprocated.
I used to hope that me being open, giving and caring will ensure that people will treat me the same way I treated them. I would start liking someone quickly, hoping that it will make them like me back.
Unfortunately, this was not always the case.
I would put myself out there, only for my vulnerability to just get exploited.
What’s more, you can’t control other people’s feelings.
Which brings me to the next point…
4. You Might Be Trying to Create a Very Particular Outcome
Another big reason why you might be getting attached so easily is because you’re trying to create a very particular outcome.
This used to be the case for me.
I was so invested into the whole true love narrative, it led me to become insecure and controlling.
I had a very clear idea of how relationships should unfold, and I was trying to push things that way.
But just like you can’t make someone feel a certain way, the same way, you can’t force them to commit.
What’s more, trying to do so will eventually drive them away.
So if you find yourself becoming clingy so fast, consider you might be trying to control the situation and the outcome of your relationship.
5. Someone Is Making You Chase Them
There is actually a flip side to this whole dynamic…
This is something I first realized in my own relationship, but also observed among a lot of our coaching clients.
There are two sides to every story.
The reason you might be falling in love and getting attached so easily, is because you keep on picking partners who are making you chase them all the time.
Or they were giving you all these signals of how much they care about you, only to then ask for space.
They’re hot and cold. Giving you mixed messages. Leaving you doubtful and confused.
If this is the case, keep in mind that they wanted you to get attached and are now keeping you hooked.
Is It Normal to Get Attached to Someone Quickly?
Now that you have a better understanding of why people get attached fast, you might still be wondering: is being easily attached bad?
The unfortunate answer is, yes, generally speaking, it is bad.
It’s not normal to let yourself be this vulnerable right away.
Even though it might feel good, opening yourself up and letting yourself get invested fast is setting yourself up for being hurt.
You need to give yourself time to get to know the person you’re with, build trust with them, and give them room to go at their own pace.
As you go through these stages, you’ll find yourself gradually getting more and more attached in a deep and fulfilling way.
But do we choose who and when we fall in love with, you might ask…
I used to think in those terms too. But it only made me feel and act as though I was a victim of the circumstances I was in.
The thing is, even though we do not have control over our feelings, we have the ability to question limiting beliefs that are hurting us.
You have to be willing to see that you might be stuck in an unhealthy emotional attachment. Which is a way of getting attached that results in a lot of pain and drives people away from you.
Once you see it in this new perspective, that’s when you’ll be able to put things into question and regain control over when and how fast you fall in love. I’ll go more into this in my next point:
How Do I Stop Getting Attached So Quickly?
The secret to stopping yourself from getting attached so easily is not to try to resist it or control it, but by questioning the beliefs that are making you act this way.
These are the five reasons why you get attached so easily:
1. You Have a False Idea About How Love Works
2. You’ve Been Made to Trust Blindly
3. You’re Eager to Get People to Like You
4. You Might Be Trying to Create a Very Particular Outcome
5. Someone Is Making You Chase Them
Getting attached so fast is not normal and will only make you get hurt over and over again. What’s more, you can’t make others become attached to you, no matter how hard you try.
You need to truly realize this in order to be able to regain control over your love life.
You can stop yourself from being needy and desperate when you truly see there is no need for it and that it’s never going to get you the results you were hoping for.
Furthermore, you have to protect yourself and put your own well-being first.
Someone who truly loves and cares about you will respect this and continue pursuing you, even when you’re more doubtful and aren’t chasing them the whole time.
If you’ve been struggling with getting attached too fast so much, that it still ends up sabotaging your love life, this is something either my husband or I can help you with in a coaching call.
Here, we will give you the right kind of reassurance, so that you can calm down and let things unfold at their own pace.
We will also tell you what you can do, to flip the dynamic in your relationship. This way, you can get your significant other to chase you for a change.
An example of a platonic relationship is someone you share interests with, like a hobby or sport, and with whom you meet on a regular basis.
Afterwards, you might relax somewhere together and talk about your worldviews and beliefs, of which you have a lot in common.
You’ll be able to talk for hours without even realizing how much time has already passed.
7 Platonic Soulmate Signs
So we’ve covered the definition of a platonic soulmate.
But what are the signs of you having actually found yours?
Here are the top 7 to look out for, that’ll help you know for sure!
1. You had an instant connection
Sometimes, it’s enough to just meet your platonic soulmate, and it’s clear that you were meant to have a special connection.
It’s not like with those other people you meet, where conversations trudge along awkwardly, and you’re eager to escape at the first opportunity that presents itself.
No.
With your platonic soulmate, you’ll dive straight into engaging topics that fascinate you and realize how much you have in common.
It’ll be hard to stop talking!
2. You have similar interests
A common second sign is that you’ll have a lot of shared interests with your platonic soulmate.
Whether that’s a certain sports activity or a niche hobby that you, someone else finally understands and appreciates!
3. You’re always there for each other
When the going gets rough, and you need a friend, you’ll be able to count on your platonic soulmate.
Having a hard time at work?– You know that you can text or call them to vent about your absolutely incompetent employer.
You’ve gone through a breakup? – They’re at your door with pizza and ice cream.
‘Need an accountability buddy? – Your platonic soulmate will drag you to the gym despite your little “But I don’t want to go outside!” tantrum.
And the same will be true for YOU towards THEM!
When they’re in need of a supportive friend, you’ll make time.
4. You see the world through the same eyes
Much like you share interests, you’ll likely also see the world in a similar light.
Whatever frustrates you about people, they’ll just GET IT.
And when your platonic soulmate is annoyed for the umpteenth time about how your government is just screwing everything up, you know what they mean and are vehemently nodding in agreement.
If there are subject matters you DON’T AGREE on, then you and your platonic soul share mutual respect for the other’s view.
5. You can trust them with your insecurities and vulnerabilities
Everybody struggles in life.
And when you’re having a crisis or a meltdown because the voices in your head have gotten the better of you, you know you can count on your platonic soulmate.
You can be vulnerable and share your insecurities with them.
Whether you’re sharing things in a composed manner or are sobbing uncontrollably…
They’ll be the safe space you need and can trust, patiently listening and meaning to understand you.
6. They respect and appreciate you for who you are
Despite having endless things in common with your platonic soulmate, you will still have your differences.
And that’s a good thing, because it means you learn from each other and grow together.
This leads to a relationship in which both of you respect and appreciate the other, with all their strengths and weaknesses.
7. They are there for important moments in your life
Whether it’s that big graduation of yours coming up or your platonic soulmate is celebrating an anniversary…
You’ll both make those important events fit into your calendar.
No excuses or rain check.
Because you actually WANT to be there to show your support.
So, these are the 7 signs of how to know that you’ve found your platonic soulmate.
Not all of them have to fit, it’s more about the signs that mean the most to both of you.
Questions you might have
In addition to the signs, here are some questions you guys have been asking.
These answers will help you clarify what platonic soulmate means and whether you’ve found yours.
What is the difference between soulmates and platonic soulmates?
This simplest way to tell the difference between a soulmate and a platonic soulmate is that platonic soulmates don’t have romantic feelings towards each other.
Again, platonic intimacy means that you have a special connection with someone, without any romantic attachment or feelings.
Does platonic love involve kissing?
Sorry, nope. Platonic love does not involve kissing.
If you’re kissing someone on the lips, you guys might be more like platonic soulmates, since you’re expressing romantic and sexual interest in each other!
Absolutely! If both parties are happy having a platonic relationship, it means you are mutually benefiting and there’s nothing that speaks against it.
Enjoy it and have fun!
What does platonic love feel like?
Platonic love feels like that best friend you might have had as a kid.
The one you did everything with; ate, played, ran and ate, played, ran all over again until your parents called you home!
Platonic love is basically the adult version of that.
You will still meet to share a meal, do fun things together and possibly activities, but your exchange has the depth and breadth reflective of your adult life.
Is platonic love rare?
Yes. Platonic love is unfortunately rather rare.
Finding a platonic soulmate is a bit like finding a needle in a haystack.
So appreciate and don’t lose yours!
Can you have multiple platonic soulmates?
Sure you can! If you’re lucky enough to find multiple platonic soulmates in your lifetime, appreciate it!
Nothing speaks against it, since no romantic feelings are involved.
So, to recap one last time, a platonic soulmate means: a special friend that you don’t share romantic feelings with.
I hope you’re either going to find yours, or are already having a blast with your new bestie!
Can a man sleep with a woman without developing feelings?
The short answer is YES.
Yes, men can and do sleep with you without emotional connection.
Men do it all the time, all around the world.
In fact, I can tell you, as a guy, that it’s actually something men often take PRIDE in.
It’s about conquests, and sleeping with women is just another notch on their belt that they can brag about to their buds.
Yes, it’s sad.
But, there’s a big BUT in all of this, though.
Men typically don’t develop feelings, BUT it’s because they’ve been conditioned to believe they have none.
And people don’t dare speak it out.
Because it threatens the familiar and established ways in which men sleep around to derive their sense of ‘self-worth’ and rank themselves amongst peers.
More on that later…
So if you plan on, or have already slept with, a guy you’ve caught feelings for.
Then this post will help you understand the underlying male psychology that prevents men from developing feelings for women.
And we’ll also talk about how to turn that around and make a man crave you emotionally.
Let’s get to it.
How Do You Know He Just Wants to Sleep With You?
There are many indicators, but here are the top three to easily identify whether a man just wants to sleep with you superficially:
1. He’s instantly ready to sleep with you
One of the easiest ways to tell if a man is using you, is he’ll jump into bed with any woman right away, no questions asked.
Men that aren’t serious will have no boundaries when it comes to sex.
They will take any opportunity that crosses their path to fuel, what I believe to be, a misguided sense of self-worth.
So if you’re looking for a guy to connect with emotionally, you might want to consider passing on this type of man.
2. He doesn’t care to get to know you
Another tell-tale sign that he’ll sleep with women without developing feelings, is the LACK of effort he’ll make to truly know you as a person.
He’ll keep things surface level and detached.
On the flip-side, players can be socially skilled and will mimic what resembles being curious about you, so watch out for those signs.
3. His focus is set on getting you in bed
How do you know if he only wants your body?
If every other thing he does or says is related to steering you towards his or your bedroom, then he just wants to sleep with you.
These men’s weakness is often their impatience, so you can easily identify them by suggesting you meet again.
If he’s a man who develops feelings, he’ll be up for it.
If he leaves at this point or pushes even harder to sleep with you tonight, then he’s not serious about his emotions towards women.
So check whether two or more of these signs fit, if so, he’s not the type to develop feelings and just wants to sleep with you.
Don’t waste your time on him.
How Do You Know When a Guy Is Emotionally Attached?
Instead, he’ll want to spend MORE quality time with you and go on dates.
And in case you’re wondering how long it takes for a guy to catch feelings.
Know that it often takes longer with men…
Expect months (even years, I would know!) to go by for a man before he admits his feelings for you.
And now let’s get to the bottom of why that is and what you can do to change it!
Why It’s So Difficult for Men to Develop Feelings
At the beginning of this post, I mentioned that men often don’t develop feelings, because they’ve been conditioned to BELIEVE they have none.
And that this is because they think they have to fulfill the male standards of sleeping with a lot of women.
Naturally, developing feelings for you would make it more difficult to just move onto another woman…
So instead they deny and repress their emotions and continue on their misguided quest of trying to feel more confident about themselves.
You can think of it as men being in an endless competitive race of who has the highest body count of women.
And when they meet, they stack up against each other to determine who’s ‘The Man’.
The “winners” get to temporarily feel good about themselves and mistake it for confidence and feeling worthy of love.
And with a man of this mentality, any woman who asks him about his feelings for her, will be accused of trying to ‘tie him down’.
So that’s what you’re competing against, the misguided boys club.
At times, the testosterone and bromance levels in these groups are so through the roof, that I’ve honestly wondered whether an all out gay orgy wasn’t about to ensue.
So if you’re crazy enough about this guy, be patient, stay by his side and know that he’s in denial of his feelings for you (for now).
This consistent behavior is what ultimately makes a man fall in love.
I of course hope it works for you guys.
But if after reading this, you’re riddled with uncertainty about his feelings for you, it might be helpful to see if the signs he isn’t into you fit for you.
Thank you for reading and I hope this post gave you some clarity on whether men can sleep with women without developing feelings!
If you have any questions, please leave them in the comments section, and I’ll get back to you.
Being ghosted by someone you liked is a painful experience. Maybe you’re in a bit of a shock or even disbelief because of it.
You probably thought that what you two shared was special and that he or she cared about you just as much as you cared about them. Things seemingly were going so well…
…only for them to suddenly cut you off for no reason and with no explanation!
If this just happened to you, you might be wondering: “Is he or she ever going to get back to me?”
Or perhaps someone who ghosted you just got back in touch, and now you’re really confused and don’t fully understand what they want from you at this point.
Worry no more, I got you covered!
In this post, I will share with you everything you need to know about ghosting. We’ll talk about why ghosters always come back, what does it mean when they do, and what best to do about it.
Why Ghosters Always Come Back
Imagine two people who just started dating each other. They’re both into it, things are going well, but then your date suddenly starts having second thoughts.
He or she becomes scared of how fast things have been going. They’re not sure if they’re ready for any serious commitment.
Plus, they were putting on a bit of a show to impress you, pretending to have it all figured out etc., but they just can’t keep it up anymore.
So they’re very undecided:
On one hand, they don’t want to let go and just end things. But they don’t want to continue the relationship either.
And that’s why they just ghost you.
This way, he or she doesn’t have to admit to anything to you and doesn’t have to explicitly end things either.
But at the same time, they are also making sure that the relationship doesn’t continue.
To them, ghosting is a painless solution to their dilemma.
It’s like an open-ended breakup.
In their head, you’re not dating anymore, but theoretically you could just pick up exactly where you left off, if he or she were to change their mind.
This is the reason ghosters always come back!
The very purpose of ghosting is to create uncertainty and thereby leave room for a potential change of heart.
This is also why ghosters still follow you. They want to keep tabs on you, so that they are up-to-date on what is going on in your life and can intervene if necessary.
How Long Until a Ghoster Comes Back
Firstly, I want to make clear what qualifies as ghosting.
If someone you’re dating suddenly stops replying only to get back to you a couple of days later, they haven’t ghosted you.
A few days of no contact isn’t enough to qualify as ghosting.
Another possibility is that they are hiding something, like a depression, an addiction or worse, another relationship…
Still, a few days up to a week of silence isn’t enough to qualify as ghosting.
How long does it take for a proper ghoster to come back then?
Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any reliable statistics on this.
But a lot of you guys have shared your stories with me in your comments and emails. Based on what you’ve told me, on average, a ghoster takes about 3 to 6 moths to come back.
But this is just an estimation. There is no fixed time frame for this.
It all depends on the situation and on their character.
Some ghosters come back after a month, some get in touch after a year of no contact, others never come back.
This brings me to my next point…
Do Ghosters Ever Regret Ghosting
The short answer is: no they don’t.
I know this might be shocking and hard to hear, but let me reassure you right away: it doesn’t mean that you were completely wrong about him or her, and that they didn’t care about you at all.
The reason why ghosters don’t regret ghosting is because, in their head, they haven’t lost you yet.
To them, it’s an open-ended breakup. They think they can just get back to you and win you over again. So in a way, they feel like there is nothing to regret YET.
The only time when a ghoster might start regretting what they’ve done is when they try to restart the relationship, and you’re not interested anymore.
Only then he or she might start having serious regrets.
What Does It Mean When a Guy or a Girl Ghosts You and Then Comes Back
This probably makes you wonder: “if he or she doesn’t regret ghosting me, then why did they come back?”
Now that you know that a ghoster coming back means that he or she wants you again, let’s discuss what your most strategic next move should be.
Should You Take a Ghoster Back
You should almost never take a ghoster back.
He or she did this to you once already, they are bound to ghost you again.
Even if they don’t, they have already shown you that they can’t be trusted.
Regardless how special things might have felt with this guy or this girl, it wasn’t for real. He or she was pretending to be someone they are not and hasn’t been honest with you.
If he or she truly cared about you, they would have told you what was going on, they also wouldn’t be stringing you along and keeping things vague on purpose.
So this is the reasonable thing to do, but I know that when it comes to the matters of heart, people hardly ever act reasonably…
Still, I was definitely doing the unreasonable thing back then, and it actually turned out great. We are now happily married, we’re running this website together, and we’re helping other people with their relationship problems.
I also know from a lot of your guy’s comments that saying no to a ghoster is often easier said than done.
So if you need some help knowing what’s the right thing to do in your particular case, I’m more than happy to support you with this, in a coaching call!
Here, I’ll listen to your story and help you make sense of it.
We’ll then make a plan and give you tips on what to say and do, so that you can either get closure, or regain control and feel secure with them again.
If you feel frustrated that you just keep on falling for the wrong kind of men, you might find some helpful tips in my other post: How To Finally Find The Right Guy
And in case you have any questions, leave me a comment below, I’ll answer them there!
Losing interest in your relationship is never pleasant, yet it’s something most couples go through at least once at some point in the course of being together.
There are a lot of misconceptions out there on how love works in the long term. We’ve all been taught to dream of finding the one and living happily ever after, but the reality of relationships is often much messier than that of rom coms and fairy tales.
All couples have their ups and down. They grow closer and then the spark starts fading and they start growing apart from each other.
Here are the common signs to help you determine whether you’re losing interest in your relationship followed by useful tips on what you can do to bring back the fun of being together with your partner.
1. You Don’t Enjoy the Alone Time Together Anymore
Every fresh couple can’t wait to finally get a chance to be alone together. This is where you get to experience deeper intimacy and closeness with your partner, emotionally as well as physically.
If you’re not interested in exploring those things with your significant other anymore, it’s a sign you’re gradually losing interest in them.
2. You Don’t Feel Like Making an Effort in Your Relationship
Making an effort to either impress your partner or make them feel good is a natural part of being in love. It’s something that should feel pleasant and give you a sense of satisfaction.
If you don’t care about making your partner happy anymore, or worse if it becomes more like a CHORE to you, it’s a definite sign that you’re losing interest in your relationship.
3. You Talk More With Other People Than You Do With Your S.O.
When two people are in love, they simply can’t stop talking to each other. There is always more to share, discuss or laugh about.
When you start losing interest in your relationship though, the ability to express yourself freely and openly communicate with your partner slowly begins to fade.
If you feel like you have much easier time talking to other people than to your significant other, that’s a sign something is wrong and you’re likely losing interest in your relationship.
Healthy relationships are a journey of continuously growing closer and closer to one another. It’s an extremely exciting and fulfilling process. You’re always discovering new things and moving towards your next big goal together.
However, if the prospect of the future together with your partner seems dull or even frustrating to you, chances are, you’re losing interest in them.
5. You Feel Lonely When Your Around Your Partner
Feeling lonely when you’re all by yourself can be tough, but feeling alone while being around the person that is supposed to be the one closest to you, can be heartbreaking!
It’s also a sign that your relationship is not working for you and that you’re gradually losing interest in it.
6. Things You Once Valued About Your Relationship Become Annoying
You know these cute little habits you and your partner have, that were once adorable to you: like starting the day by hugging each other, or your partner’s passions or interests.
Maybe you were once able to listen to your S.O.’s ramble for hours on end and feel fascinated by everything they said. And now, every time they even open their mouths, you can already predict exactly what they’re going to say, so you just roll your eyes and cringe inwardly.
If things you once liked about your partner start to annoy you, that’s a definite sign you’re losing interest in your relationship.
7. You Start Flirting With Other People
When two people are in love with each other, the whole outside world tends to disappear. In the beginning, you’re just so preoccupied with your relationship, there is hardly any room for anything or anyone. But when something goes wrong and a relationship becomes disconnected, we tend to start to feel drawn to other people more than to our partner.
If you found yourself flirting with friends, coworkers or even complete strangers, this might be a warning sign that you’re losing interest in your relationship.
Is It Normal to Lose Interest in a Relationship?
It’s absolutely normal to not feel as crazy in love with your partner as you did in the beginning.
This is why as your connection grows and you build more and more trust with one another, your butterflies in the stomach give way to more mature feelings and sentiments.
However, this process shouldn’t make you less interested in your partner. On the contrary, it should allow you to want to build a deeper and deeper bond and crave even more love and connection.
If it is not the case for you, that’s a signs something is not working. It’s not normal to lose interest in your relationship.
There must be a reason for you to feel this way. I will get to explaining this more further down in this post. I want to first address an issue so many of you guys bring up in comments and coaching calls:
Can You Lose Interest in Your Relationship, but Still Love Your Partner?
After reading all these signs and finding that a few match the situation in your relationship, you might be feeling doubtful whether things can still change.
Discovering and facing problems is never easy. Even writing about these signs made me depressed, it made me remember all the moments in my relationship when I felt this way too…
But, just because you’re losing interest in your partner, doesn’t mean that you don’t love him or her anymore. It is possible to lose interest in someone but still love them.
You can feel a deep warm attachment towards someone without necessarily feeling the spark and chemistry that was once there.
A lot of people believe that once you find the right person to be with, everything should just fall into place.
Unfortunately, love is not that simple.
This unpleasant stage of losing interest in your relationship is not normal but it’s extremely common. Pretty much every couple goes through it at least once.
So just because you’re losing interest in your partner, it doesn’t mean you’re wrong for each other or that your relationship is doomed to fail.
All these signs are just indicators of problems that you and your significant other are likely unaware of. This brings me to the next point…
The Most Common Reason for Loss of Interest in a Relationship
The most common reason why people lose interest in one another but can still love each other are: unresolved relationship problems.
Every relationship comes with a unique set of issues. When those issues aren’t being addressed, they tend to pile up and create sort of ‘an emotional wall’ that separates you from your partner.
You still love and care about each other, but there are just so many things that stand in the way and prevent you from feeling attracted to him/her.
These can be lots of little things, like holding a grudge about them always being late or not liking your favorite movie.
Or maybe you feel disconnected due to having different approaches towards life, habits, interest, opinions etc.
When these kinds of issues go on unaddressed for a long period of time, they will make it impossible for you to feel close and intimate with your partner.
Because of this you will gradually lose interest in your relationship.
How to Regain Interest in Your Relationship
The ultimate trick to getting that spark and excitement back in your relationship is working on those unresolved relationship problems that caused you and your partner to grow apart in the first place.
Addressing all those issues is the ONLY way to truly remove the barriers that prevent you from feeling close and connected to one another.
My partner, Gabriel and I went through the very same journey.
Even though we were absolutely crazy about each other in the beginning, we too grew apart and lost interest in our relationship.If you’re in a similar situation where despite losing interest, your relationship is too precious for you to give up on and you believe that with the right kind of help you can get it back to the exciting, romantic and connected relationship it once used to be…
In it, we explain to you the exact steps we took to fix our own relationship. You’ll learn about the common barriers that make relationships feel like they’re in a slump. We’ll also teach you the necessary mindset and powerful tools to make things exciting again.
And in case you need some further tips on how to regain interest in your relationship, be sure to read Gabriel’s post on How to Save a Dying Relationship
If you have any questions or need more specific advice and want to share your own story, leave me a comment and I’ll get back to you.
We always believed that relationships should be FUN and uplifting! And we were obsessed with finding real-world practical solutions for our relationship problems. Today we help others do the same with our blog.
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