Sometimes love is a beautiful thing.
Other times it’s complicated, difficult and feels inescapable, which will leave you wondering can you ever STOP loving someone?
Maybe you’ll find your story in one of these scenarios:
- You’re trying to get over your ex
- Or you’re in relationship that isn’t working for you
- Or they like you, but don’t want a relationship with you
What all of these scenarios have in common, is that it hurts to love someone who isn’t willing or able to return your love.
Can You Ever Forget Someone You Love?
You can definitely forget someone you love in the sense of it not hurting you when they cross your mind.
It may take time and depending on how long you knew them, it can be months or even years before you truly forget them.
But things will get EASIER as time goes by, especially if you apply the following…
How Do You Just Stop Loving Someone?
In order to stop loving someone, you will mostly need distance from them and give yourself time to heal.
Follow these steps at your own pace, and you’ll gradually start feeling better, I promise!
1. Distance Yourself From Them
First things first, you will need to distance yourself from them.
This can often feel absolutely heartbreaking and is likely the most DIFFICULT step.
Because your attachment to them is still extraordinarily strong, and the feelings run very deep.
So the idea of separating from them might seem impossible or even wrong.
But keep in mind that you’re looking to stop loving them because it’s been hurting you too much.
Also remember that you distancing yourself from them does not invalidate your love for them!
It just means that loving them is not doing you any good.
In practical terms, distancing yourself means:
- Meet them less frequently and eventually not at all
- Text and call them less frequently and eventually stop
- Don’t interact on social media and unfollow them
- You might need to distance yourself from people they are connected to as well
I generally recommend doing this process gradually to give yourself time to disconnect slowly, but some prefer cutting all ties from one day to the next.
So do what feels right to you.
2. Remove Items That Remind You of Them
Depending on your relationship with them, there will be items and places that remind you of the person you love.
In order to stop loving them, you will need to stow away or remove the items, as well as no longer visit the places you associate with them.
This is to ensure there are fewer things that obsessively remind you of them and will make it easier to stop caring about someone who maybe doesn’t care about you.
3. Take Them off Their Pedestal
Now that you have distanced yourself from them and removed the items and places that remind you of them, you will still need time…
And in said time you will gradually need to take them off their pedestal.
What this means is you have an idea of who this person was, which was likely not entirely accurate.
Because nobody is perfect, no matter how much we might like to believe they are.
And what will help you stop loving them is understanding that they too had their flaws and shortcomings.
Which brings us to an additional point:
People learn to stop loving someone and learn to love someone else ALL THE TIME.
There are countless potential partners in this world for you, plenty of whom you will cross paths with at some point.
So what might feel like the end of your love life and your chances for happiness is in fact simply a new beginning.
Not to diminish your feelings, but in my line of work, you see people fall in and out of love all the time.
So, I promise you this is not the end, and you will eventually find your happiness.
4. Reconnect With Yourself and Your Life
In order to truly disconnect yourself from someone you deeply love, you will need to RECONNECT with yourself and your life.
Because when we love someone intensely, it can sometimes take over our hearts and minds entirely.
(This is especially true if you find yourself getting attached very easily.)
So much so, that imagining a life without them seems impossible. But as hard as it may initially be, IT IS POSSIBLE.
Once you have distanced yourself, you will finally have a chance to reconnect with how YOU feel and what YOU want from your life independent of them.
My coaching clients actually find the step to be liberating, they experience it as a fresh slate of sorts, where they are free to start over again.
Whatever it is that you want from your life, who you want to be, how you want to feel, what you want to achieve…
This is your time to reconnect with all of that without bounds.
5. Speak to a Life Coach
A final step to get over someone you truly love is finding the support you need.
Whether that’s friends, family, or a life coach. They can give you the encouragement, support, and perspective you need to let go of someone you love but cannot be with.
Because you might otherwise find yourself spinning in circles and doubting your decision to stop loving them.
This is where one-on-one coaching will be a great help.
In a coaching call, I will offer you a listening ear so that you feel understood in your situation.
Then you’ll get the right guidance and tools to gradually stop loving them in a way that feels right to you, so that you can and finally move on…
How Long Does It Take To Stop Loving?
The time it takes to stop loving someone will depend on three things:
1. How Long You Have Known Them
The longer you have known them, the longer it will likely take for you to stop loving them.
Because the steps to stop loving them that we covered earlier will understandably need more time, since you have so much shared history.
If your situation is a breakup, you might find it helpful to be aware of the 7 emotions you’ll feel after a relationship breakup.
2. How Deeply Connected You Were With Someone
Another factor is how connected you were with this person.
You can think of relationships starting off as a single thread between two people…
As you get to know each other, spend time together and share intimate moments, you are adding additional threads, which are creating a growing rope that binds you.
So in order to stop loving them, you need to (at least some degree) undo some of that rope.
And as you do, your tie to them will fade, and you’ll be able to stop loving them.
3. How Much You Depend on This Person Pragmatically
Whether it’s about money, career or any other pragmatic aspect of life, if you depend on this person in any of these regards it will take longer to stop loving them.
Since you will need to REBUILD that area of your life independently of them in order to forget about them.
So, depending on these 3 factors and how pronounced they were in your relationship, it can take 6 months to as long as a few years to stop loving them.
Some of You Asked…
Why do we fall in love with someone we can’t have?
There are a few reasons for this.
One is that it may have not been clear that this person was someone you could not have.
In other cases we fall in love with someone we can’t have in an attempt to keep ourselves at a safe distance, in the hopes of never being hurt by love.
A third reason for choosing a one-sided love is when we hold the false belief of being unlovable.
It’s often a mix of these reasons, rather than one clear case.
Can you be friends with someone you love?
Unlikely, especially if you want to stop loving them.
Because your feelings will not change, which in turn will not allow you to move on.
What to say to someone you love but can’t be with?
You have the choice to either tell them the truth, that you love them but see that you cannot be with them and therefore must bid them farewell.
Or you can simply move on without saying a word to them, harsh as it may be, it might be easier for you.
How do you know you’re not meant to be?
If loving this person is causing you nothing but heartache and pain, it is a sign that you were not meant to be.
Although there are moments of uncertainty and suspense in the courtship phase, it should not last any longer than a few months.
Eventually, you should simply get together and see whether you are suited for each other or not.
Thank you for reading, I hope you found answers on how to stop loving someone.
If you like this article, I think you’ll also find this one helpful: 10 Ways to Stop Obsessing Over Someone.
If you have any questions, please leave them in the comment section and I will get back to you.
Best,
Gabriel
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