Looking for cute questions to ask your boyfriend to make him express things and fall in love with you more?
In this article, I’ll give you lots of ideas of various things you can talk with him about.
I’ll divide this list into a few sections:
Cute Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend
Cute and Flirty Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend
Romantic Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend
Deep Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend
Cute Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend Over Text
But before jumping into the particular cute things you can ask him, I first want to outline a very important principle when it comes to this!
This is something, many other relationship experts tent to overlook, but it can make a world of difference in your relationship.
When asking your boyfriend cute questions, try to make it about him and not about yourself.
Asking your boyfriend things that are revolving all around you will make you come across as self-absorbed and needy.
This is why, you want to avoid saying things like: “What do you like most about me?” or “Do you think about me during the day?”.
Shifting your focus to him and asking him genuine questions, on the other hand, will make him perceive you as caring and will inevitably deepen his emotional attachment towards you.
All the examples listed below fit these criteria.
Cute Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend
This is a list of lighthearted, charming things to ask a guy. They are slightly flirty but in an unassuming, innocent way. They are the perfect thing to say as an icebreaker or even when you’re just bored.
1. Do you have a favorite moment in our relationship?
2. Do you prefer: beach or mountains?
3. What are you looking for in a woman?
4. Is there any food you would give up your relationship for?
5. What do you usually do when you’re bored?
6. Who inspires you to be a better person?
7. What makes you laugh more than anything?
8. What’s an activity you’d really like to do with me that we haven’t done so far?
9. If you could describe yourself with three words, what would they be?
10. What’s your favorite season?
11. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
12. What movie would you like us to watch together?
13. If you won the lottery tomorrow, what would be the first thing you buy?
14. What do you do to cheer yourself up?
15. Did you send an awkward text to someone by mistake?
16. What was the last crazy adventure you went on last you went on?
17. What would you do tomorrow if it were your last day on Earth?
18. Do you have any secret talents?
19. What were you like as a kid?
20. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?
Cute and Flirty Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend
These questions will definitely heat things up between the two of you. They are juicy, flirty (but not overly explicit) things to ask your boyfriend to tease him a little.
Beware, exchanges of this type will likely lead to more than just talking….
21. Do you prefer being the big spoon or the little spoon?
22. Who was your first kiss, and how was it?
23. What is your wildest fantasy?
24. What are you most attracted to in a woman?
25. Have you ever been caught doing something you shouldn’t have been doing?
26. What do you think about public display of affection?
27. What do you like to do the most when you’re alone?
28. Have you ever skinny-dipped?
29. What’s your opinion on kissing in public?
30. What’s your favorite type of women’s underwear?
31. What do you think would happen if we were stuck in a room for 24 hours together?
32. If you could be a girl for a day, what’s the first thing you’d do?
33. What’s the funniest pickup line you’ve ever tried?
34. Have you ever found someone attractive who you really shouldn’t?
35. Do you prefer to make the first move?
36. Do you prefer kissing or cuddling?
37. What is it about you, I’m so drawn to?
38. What are you thinking right now?
39. Am I your type?
40. Truth or dare?
Romantic Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend
The aim of these romantic questions is to trigger butterflies in his stomach as well as in yours. Asking your boyfriend these questions will make him get in touch with his feelings for you.
There will be love in the air, both of you can definitely deeply enjoy!
A word of caution, though: some guys get frightened by romance. But don’t let this discourage you. All the questions listed below are guy approved, low-key romantic type.
Plus, you might just need to warm your boyfriend up with some flirting or by telling him that you love him beforehand. (This way you can get his guard down a little…)
41. Do you believe in true love?
42. What’s your idea of a perfect date?
43. Would you move across the world to be with someone you love?
44. In one sentence, how would you sum up romance?
45. What’s your favorite romantic moment in a movie and why?
46. Who was your first crush?
47. How many times have you been in love?
48. What is your idea of a romantic honeymoon destination?
49. How would you define love?
50 What made you fall for me?
51. Is there such a thing as being too much in love?
52. If the house was on fire, what three things would you save?
53. How can I be a better girlfriend for you?
54. What is your idea of the perfect romantic gift?
55 Guess what I like about you the most?
56. Do you believe there’s one person you’re ‘meant’ to be with?
57. Do you believe in fate? Destiny?
58. Where is your favorite place to be with me?
59. What’s your favorite way to receive affection?
60. If we could go anywhere together right now, where would you want to go?
Deep Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend
All the questions below are cute, but also meaningful and deep at the same time. They will make you feel emotionally closer to your boyfriend and will help you gain more of his trust.
You will also learn new things about him and likely feel more connected because of this exchange.
They are all great questions that will make any date much more exciting and memorable.
61. What quality do you like most about yourself?
62. Is there something that you used to do that you loved, but you’ve now stopped doing?
63. If you could tell yourself one thing 10 years ago, what would it be?
64. Is there something about love that scares you?
65. What’s your biggest deal-breaker in a relationship?
66. What are you most proud of?
67. Are you strangely sentimental about any objects you own?
68. What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?
69. How do you think your closest friends would describe you?
70. What is your biggest fear in life?
71. What is the kindest thing someone has ever done for you?
72. Do you think there’s such a thing as the ‘right’ person for you?
73. What’s the hardest thing you’ve had to overcome in life?
74. If you could ask me anything, what would it be?
75. What’s the most valuable thing in your life?
76. How did you like growing up?
77. What’s your greatest passion in life?
78. What would you like our shared goals to be this year?
79. In what ways do you feel loved by me?
80. What is something that not many people know about you?
They are perfect as conversation starters, but can also be used to get more of his attention.
81. What are you thinking about right now?
82. What’s your “go to” video or GIF for a laugh?
83. How many questions can you answer in just pictures?
84. What app on your phone do you think I should get?
85. What is your favorite meme?
86. Do you ever text and drive?
87. If I sent you a picture right now, what would you want to see?
88. Wanna Netflix and chill?
89. What song do you play most often?
90. What’s the worst text that you accidentally sent?
91. How about dinner at my place?
92. What is the most interesting thing you have on you or near you right now? Send me a pic of it.
93. What’s the funniest picture you have on your phone?
94. How many texts do you normally send in a day?
95. What is the perfect way to ask someone out?
96. What’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve seen online recently?
97. Is there an App you think I should download?
98. What’s the funniest thing that someone could spend money on / buy on the internet?
99. What would you love to be called – sexy, charming, or smart?
100. Would you rather wake up tomorrow as the opposite sex or 50 years older?
101. What’s the cutest picture you have on your phone?
Hope you found what you were looking for here, and you now have plenty of cute things to ask your boyfriend over text or next time you’re hanging out with him.
But in case you need even more inspiration, you can check out my husband’s post:
You’re interested in an avoidant, but aren’t sure how to get them to chase you?
Avoidants are tricky, since they’re suspicious of relationships and intimacy to begin with.
And when things get a bit more serious between you guys, they might quickly WITHDRAW to avoid what they fear will inevitably end in abandonment.
Often without giving you a chance to even talk!
So in order to get an avoidant to chase you, you need to strike the right balance of piquing their interest without setting off their (often false) alarm bells.
In this article, I will explain to you how to do exactly that.
Let’s start by talking about the basics of attracting an avoidant.
How Do You Attract Avoidants?
Whether you are single and have a keen eye for a particular avoidant or want to know what attracts avoidant partners in relationship, the one big principle remains the same:
You have to take the PRESSURE OFF of them.
Because avoidants spook easily and are constantly on the lookout for any potential red flags that might signal it’s time to turn tail.
This means that if you want to charm an avoidant, you’ll need to go SLOW and carefully for them to eventually chase you.
And that is what will ultimately make you attractive to the avoidant that holds a special place in your heart.
You taking the pressure off of them is what will make them label you as ‘Safe’.
And SAFETY is spelled in capital letters in an avoidants book, even if they justify their distance with some creative rationalizations.
So play it cool and keep things general, DON’T PUSH for anything.
This way you’ll spark their interest, and they’ll start feeling attracted to you.
How Do You Make an Avoidant Chase You?
Now that we’ve nailed the first point, we’re ready to get your avoidant to chase you.
And be sure you do, because if you haven’t got their interest yet, you’ll be jumping ahead when trying to make them chase you.
Which will sabotage your efforts.
But once you’ve gotten some good rapport down, and you’ve induced the ‘safety feelings’ with them, then you’ll be ready to get them to chase you.
Note that many of the ways to make an avoidant chase you that we’re going to cover here are driven by the aforementioned principle of taking the pressure off.
So keep that in mind as you interact with them.
1. Don’t Chase Them
If you’re wondering whether avoidants ever chase…
Then the answer is yes.
But you have to LET THEM get there!
Which perfectly highlights our first point: don’t chase them.
Nothing sends an avoidant scurrying for the hills faster than someone who is openly expressing interest and chasing them.
Instead, play your game a little more cool, but not cold.
Leave just enough breadcrumbs for them to want to chase you for the next delicious one…
2. Adapt to Their Slow Pace
If you’re someone who likes to move at a fast pace in relationships, then be prepared to adjust to some new speed limitats.
Because avoidants tend to move sloooowwly.
And yes, they do so because they’re afraid of getting hurt.
That isn’t to say this journey can’t be fun and healthy!
You, too, can enjoy the safety of a slower ride and take in the sights and sounds of a slow paced cruise with them.
And when you do, they’ll be MUCH MORE likely to trust and chase you.
3. Be Prepared for Their Communication Quirks
Now, this doesn’t apply to avoidants as a whole, but a good chunk of them can be a little slow and spotty when it comes to replying to texts or calls.
They’re called AVOIDANTS for good reason 😉
So be patient with them and give them the benefit of a doubt.
They might be having a little freak-out over your relationship and need time to regroup.
If they don’t reach out for too long, feel free to check in with them and if there’s still nothing, consider that even no-response is a response.
4. Let Them Be Distant
A good way to get an avoidant to chase you, is to let them be distant when they’re (maybe indirectly) asking for some distance.
It’s important to show them that you’re okay with them needing time to themselves.
(This is where they’ll often try to safely process their thoughts and emotions.)
Now, don’t panic and try to reel them back in.
Tell them you “understand and hope to speak again soon.”
Remember, if you’ve done nothing, then it’s got NOTHING to do with you.
Giving an avoidant this kind of understanding when they’re distant is what will make them chase you again soon!
5. Be Reliable
Since avoidants can be fearful of being emotionally ambushed or abandoned, a great way to get them to pursue you is to prove your reliability.
What this means is, if you say you’ll do something, be sure to do it.
Be punctual, be transparent, and be there for them in a difficult moment.
Because avoidants secretly CRAVE for someone to disprove their nihilistic worldview and have a reliable shoulder to cry and rely on instead.
So don’t miss the opportunity to be that special someone for them.
They’ll hold you in the highest regard for it.
6. Give Them Enough Space
I’m sure you’ve also needed your space from people at times.
We all do.
Having time to ourselves helps us feel safe, reconnect with our feelings, and make sense of things.
Avoidants are no different, other than that they need a lot MORE space.
You respecting their boundaries is what will also make them chase- and want to be with you.
When your avoidant becomes distant or needs space, you might find it difficult to be patient and wait things out, if it’s been dragging out for a week.
It’s okay to check in with them once or twice, but if you want them to chase you, it’s best to REFRAIN from frequently texting or calling them.
They’ll feel pushed to make a decision, and you might guess what their decision will be…
Exactly, MORE distance and space!
So do your best to be patient with them, do your own thing to fill in the time and eventually your avoidant will come out of their hidey-hole.
Avoidants may have a hard time saying “No” to you.
So if you’re enthusiastically making the next steps in your relationship, they might agree at the moment, but once alone, they’ll withdraw and reduce contact.
By letting them move your relationship forward at their own pace, you’re ensuring they won’t feel pressured to say “Yes” to something they DON’T actually feel ready for yet.
This will help them relax, and they’ll appreciate and CHASE you more!
10. Be a Source of Encouragement
Since avoidants can be more isolationist and unsure of themselves, you’ll earn BIG bonus points in their eyes by encouraging them.
Whatever their insecurities may be, giving them acknowledgement and validation will help them feel better.
And there’s nothing an avoidant chases more than someone who makes them feel confident and good about themselves.
11. Communicate Your Limits
Now we’ve talked about how to get an avoidant to chase you.
And as you can see, there are many things you can do, to help encourage them to come your way.
You’ll need to gently but clearly communicate your limits to your avoidant.
If they are too scrutinizing and suspicious of you, or they aren’t responding to your texts for a week, then it’s important to also set boundaries for yourself.
And if your avoidant CARES ENOUGH about the relationship, they will try to make ends meet.
So that sums up the 11 best ways to get an avoidant to chase you, here they are again:
1. Don’t chase them
2. Adapt to their slow pace
3. Be prepared for their communication quirks
4. Let them be distant
5. Be reliable
6. Give them enough space
7. No pushing
8. Prove your trustworthiness
9. Let them make the next step
10. Be a source of encouragement
11. Communicate your limits
So if you need help with getting through to an avoidant so that they finally pursue you, check out our new program Attach An Avoidant.
Here, we’ll give you actionable advice and tools to navigate what can feel like walking on eggshells with your avoidant, so that you can get through to them.
How do you know if she is only pretending to love you?
Being truly committed to someone requires a certain degree of maturity.
Unfortunately, some women may struggle with this.
They’re not really serious or genuine. They might even intentionally want to use you pragmatically or emotionally.
At the same time, bad experiences from your past might make you understandably careful and suspicious. But being overly cautious might lead you to push someone away who does really care about you.
With this article, I’m going to help you recognize the signs that a woman is only pretending to love you, so that you don’t get blindsided and can protect yourself from being hurt.
I also hope that these tips will put you at ease, dispel some of your doubts and give you more clarity over your situation.
But before going further into the signs to watch out for, I’m going to first briefly outline some common scenarios of when and why a girl might be faking her love for you.
Why Would Someone Pretend to Love You
Generally speaking, people who pretend to love somebody do it because they are just too immature or too emotionally unavailable to let themselves truly feel things.
Loving someone requires opening up to that person, being vulnerable, letting yourself care and ultimately risking getting hurt.
Faking love, on the other hand, is much safer.
A girl who is faking love isn’t risking much emotionally speaking. Her heart is locked away anyway. She keeps her emotional involvement to the minimum.
One typical situations in which a girl might be pretending to love you is when she sees you as a good catch.
Maybe you’re a valuable asset to her: you’re willing to help out, you’re there for her, you want to support her etc. So she does everything she needs to do, to keep you around, which might include faking her love for you.
The second common situation when a woman might be pretending to love you is when she wants to keep you as backup.
Maybe you’re not quite what she wants, but you’re all she’s got at the moment. So she is pretending to love you for the time being, while secretly continuing her search.
Either way, pretending to love someone in order to keep them around is pretty cruel.
Nobody deserves to be blindsided this way.
Here are the signs how you can recognize that a girl is not really in love with you. They will help you protect yourself from being used and deceived.
Signs She Is Pretending to Love You:
1. She Doesn’t Care to Get To Know You
Loving someone requires you to get to know them. After all, you’re loving them for who they are and all the things that make them different from everybody else.
This is why one of the easiest ways how you can know if a girl is pretending to love you is that she makes next to no effort to actually get to know the REAL YOU.
She doesn’t ask you any questions, she doesn’t care about the important people in your life or about your passions and hobbies.
If she doesn’t seem to show much interest in who you are and what drives you, she most likely isn’t really interested in you.
It’s one of the biggest signs that she is not really in love with you, even if she claims otherwise…
2. You Can’t Be Yourself Around Her
Someone who truly loves you won’t require you to put on a show for them. You won’t have to watch what you say and do, and pretend to be someone you’re not.
If you’re having a hard time being yourself around the woman you’re with, it’s a sign that she might be pretending to love you.
Because, she most likely isn’t letting you be yourself.
Maybe she just doesn’t really care about the real you and is just trying to mold you into being the man of her dreams instead.
This brings me to my next point…
3. She Wants to Change Everything About You but Doesn’t Change Herself
It’s normal and healthy to grow and change in a relationship. My husband (who runs this blog with me) changed a lot for me. I’ve also changed a lot for him.
(And the changes we made also benefited us a lot as individuals.)
At the same time, the core of who we both are, a lot of our passions, likes and preferences remained the same.
If a girl you’re with wants to change EVERYTHING about you but isn’t willing improve anything about herself, consider it a warning sign that she might be only pretending to love you.
If she truly was in love with you, she wouldn’t be needing you to change so much. She would be loving you for who you already are.
She would also be willing to listen to your feedback and try to grow as a person to give you more of what you want and need.
4. She Is Only Nice When She Needs Something
Think of all the last times the girl you’re with made and extra effort to be nice to you and make you happy.
Did she ask you for a favor or needed something in return shortly afterwards?
When a woman truly loves a man, she will make an effort to do nice things for him every now and then and she won’t ask for anything in return.
She’ll be loving you unconditionally.
If a girl is only nice to you, when she needs something from you, it’s a sign she is pretending to love you.
Moreover, she might be even manipulating you and using you.
5. She Gets Impatient and Demanding
They say that love is kind and patient. The reality of the matter is: we all have our limits and lose our cool sometimes.
When it comes to this point, it’s all about having a healthy balance of good and bad exchanges in your relationship.
But if the woman you’re with gets impatient and demands the impossible from you at all times, consider it a warning sign that she might not really be in love with you.
Maybe she is trying to mold you into being “the perfect boyfriend” but doesn’t really care about you or your well-being.
If she is not willing to accept you and your flaws and limitations (not even a little bit) it’s a sign she might be only pretending to love you in order to selfishly get more of what she wants from you.
6. She Deflects All Uncomfortable Conversations
Another big warning sign that a girl might not be really serious about you is if she keeps on deflecting difficult conversations and avoids giving you straight answers.
When you bring up commitment or any other topic that’s touchy for her (like her introducing you to her family, spending more time with you etc.) and she just keeps on finding a way out of the conversation…
She might try to turn it all into a joke, or make you feel like you’re the one who is being difficult here.
She might even try to seduce you just to distract you and avoid having to give you a straight answer.
Then consider it a warning sign that she might be using you emotionally. Maybe she is not entirely honest with you…
7. She Is Very Protective of Her Phone
They say our eyes are the windows to our souls. In today’s day and age, you don’t need to look into somebody’s eyes to see if they are hiding something from you or not…
It’s enough to simply look at the screen of their phone!
If the girl you’re with is extremely protective of all of her mobile devices. She never leaves them unlocked and keeps on receiving a ton of notifications all the time, it is suspicious.
Especially if she is vague about whom all the notifications are from and dismissive towards you when you voice your doubts or complaints.
It’s a sign she might be only pretending to love you, while still looking for more and possibly flirting with other men.
How Can You Know if She Is Honest and Genuine With You
You might have noticed a common trend in all the signs listed above: a girl who is honest with you and does genuinely love you will be willing to give you as much as you give her.
Nobody is perfect, the same way, no relationship is ever perfect.
But if you feel like three or more of the above-mentioned signs apply to your situation, you might consider putting your guard up and observing her more.
Nobody deserves to be deceived this way. As hard as it might be to face the truth, it’s better to do so sooner or later.
If, after reading this, you feel like she is only pretending to love you, she is most likely just wasting your time.
But if you’re still unsure and would need more guidance to really see things for what they are, this is something either my husband or I can help you with in a coaching call.
We will listen to your story and help you make sense of it all.
We will then give you tips on how you can test her, so that you can know for sure is she truly cares about you or not.
If you’re asking yourself this very question, chances are a man you like hasn’t been giving you much attention lately…
Maybe things were going well initially. You guys had a good rapport, and he was giving you all the right signals.
But then he suddenly became more distant, started taking forever to reply or giving you one word answers.
Maybe things became so bad, it made you wonder: will he even care if I don’t text him anymore?
Guys’ can be so tiresome!
They love playing hard to get, by acting distant and unavailable.
But at the same time, in some cases, their silence and resistance are subtle ways of communicating that they’re not really into you.
In this post, I will help you make sense of men’s strange texting behaviors. I will also give you some tips on how to respond in a way that will make him more interested in you.
But before getting into any more details, let me first give you a one clear answer to your first burning question:
Yes, guys absolutely notice when you stop texting them.
You see, when a man receives a lot of texts from a woman, he knows it’s a sign that she is interested in him.
Deep down, everybody enjoys receiving attention, it’s flattering and makes him feel better about himself.
So when the source of all that validation suddenly vanishes because you stopped chasing him, he will notice it.
Whether he will really care about it or not, that’s a whole different story…
Do Guys Care if You Stop Talking To Them
The answer to this question is pretty straightforward:
A guy who is genuinely interested in you will care if you stop texting him.
Even if you’ve been overtexting him so much so, he was getting slightly annoyed with everything you’ve been needing from him lately.
Still, if he really likes you, he will become at least a little unsettled when you’re suddenly not talking to him anymore.
That’s because deep down he was enjoying it and liked the feeling of having you crush on him so hard.
At the same time, a guy who isn’t interested in you will not really care if you stop talking to him.
Or maybe he has a hard time saying ‘no’ and was just being polite until now.
Either way, a guy who isn’t into you might even feel relieved when you stop chasing him.
Should I Stop Texting Him to Get His Attention?
Now you know that guys do notice when you stop texting them. You also know that them caring about it fully depends on whether they like you or not.
This is where we can start discussing how to play this out strategically, so that you can get him to respond and pay attention to you.
So does not texting a guy back make him want you more?
You can probably guess the answer to this one already.
A guy who just isn’t into you is not going to want you more when you don’t text him back.
He doesn’t really care and isn’t seriously interested, so you not replying isn’t going to change this and suddenly get his attention.
It’s a lost cause and a waste of time. Best just move on.
A guy who is interested in you, on the other hand, he will definitely feel unsettled when you don’t text him back.
After all, he was enjoying having you around and giving him all the validation.
So when the source of all those good feelings vanishes out of the blue because you stopped texting him, that will get his attention.
He will start worrying if you changed your mind about him and is going to try to do something to get you hooked again.
There is one exception to this rule, though.
Things might work a little different if the guy you’re dating is emotionally unavailable.
These kinds of men have an extra hard time showing their true feelings and risking getting hurt.
They might take you not texting them as a rejection, and only pull away more as a result of it. They will feel insecure, believe you don’t really care and that you are anyway better off without them.
You need to stop chasing him, in order to see where he truly stands. If he cares about you, he will miss you and reach out.
If he doesn’t, you won’t hear from him for a while.
Beware, he might get back in touch with you a few weeks or even months further down the line and pretend as though the falling out never happened. Ghosters do have the tendency to come back.
But there is no point for you to waste your time on someone who isn’t serious and wants to just drop in and out of your life, no strings attached and no explanation.
You deserve so much more than this! Plus, your time will be better spend finding the right guy instead.
I Stopped Texting Him and Haven’t Heard From Him
I know that being so clear and decisive is much easier said than done.
Maybe things felt really special between you and this guy, so much so, you even wonder:
So if you stopped texting a guy, and you haven’t heard from him, that’s most likely a sign that he isn’t really serious about you.
It takes a certain degree of maturity to really commit and build a happy relationship.
A lot of people out there just aren’t there yet.
Maybe he did like you, but isn’t mature enough to really let you in and put in the work…
But if you really want to make sure you gave this relationship all you’ve got, you can always wait a little, then get back in touch with him to see if he is more responsive or not.
Sometimes, just giving him space isn’t enough to get a guy to make more effort. You have to drag him out of his hole afterwards, too!
But if you try again and still he either takes forever to reply, gives you one word answers or doesn’t respond at all, that’s a definite sign for you to just move on onto something better.
If after reading all this, you still feel unsure about your situation, this is something I could help you figure out in a coaching call.
Here you could tell me more about what happened between the two of you and how it came to this. Then together we would come up with other things you can do to get his attention and make him want you more.
This way, you can be absolutely certain that you did all you could to save your relationship.
But when we’re talking about the worst thing a husband can say to his wife, we’re talking about a man who is risking destroying his marriage with his disrespectful and hurtful behavior.
And that is pushing it TOO FAR.
So you’re likely deeply hurt (maybe even angry) about the things he said…
This post will give you acknowledgement and direction on what you can do to make your husband stop saying these distressing things.
First, let’s talk about his behavior and the…
14 Things a Husband Should Never Say to His Wife
Regardless of what might have transpired, these words ought to never cross a husband’s lips.
‘Why do you always overreact!’
One of the worst things a husband should not say to his spouse is the generalized statement of “You’re overreacting!”
Because when he says this, it’s not just hurtful.
It also proves that he doesn’t understand his wife’s unmet needs and pain that she is trying to simply communicate.
And him saying this, only increases her isolation and sometimes is even how husbands ultimately destroy their marriage.
Variations of this hurtful statement include:
“Is it that time of the month again?”
“You’re so crazy!”
“You’re so dramatic!”
‘Shut up!’
It’s understandable that tensions can rise between spouses and in the heat of the moment he might scream ‘Shut up!’
But it is also one of the most crushing things a husband can say to his wife.
What are the worst signs of disrespect in a marriage?
This way, he can adjust to a more civil tone when he’s speaking to his wife.
Which is the very least a husband ought to do.
‘I don’t love you anymore’
One of the most cruel things a husband can say.
Because it suggests he’s been feeling this way for a long time and has gradually fallen out of love with you.
And he’s suddenly telling you now.
Instead, your husband should have tried communicating what wasn’t working for him in your marriage and made efforts to fix it long beforehand!
‘You’re just like your mother’
When a husband equates his wife to her mother, that’s an insult below the belt.
First off, he’s definitely not referring to the qualities of your mother.
But rather the worst things, you as her daughter appreciate least about your mother, and I’m sure have tried hard to outgrow and overcome.
So not only is your husband telling you that you have her negative character traits, but also that despite your best efforts, you’ll never be a strong independent individual.
He’s trying to reduce you to ‘Just like your mother.’
‘My ex was better’
You know what’s even WORSE than your husband comparing you to your mother?
That’s right. Comparing you to his ex.
Your husband will likely talk about how much better she could do/say this, that and the other.
Some husbands just really know what to say to destroy a marriage.
‘I’m not attracted to you anymore’
If your husband has said this to you, then he’s definitely aiming to hurt you.
Although chemistry in a marriage can fizzle out, it’s not okay for him to say things so bluntly and (likely) out of nowhere.
It’s never easy to juggle jobs, marriage, kids and other responsibilities.
But both husband and wife need to work through the worst to rekindle the flame, and can’t simply write their spouse off by saying upsetting things like this.
<h3‘She’s hot, isn’t she?’
As though it wasn’t hurtful ENOUGH to dismiss his wife as unattractive, a disrespectful husband will make it worse by telling his wife that he finds OTHER women attractive!
This is another horrible thing for him to say to you and is definitely out of line.
This statement can apply to so many individual moments in your marriage.
But it hurts the most when your husband means that he DOESN’T CARE AT ALL anymore.
This is what a selfish husband will say when he’s given up on life and won’t even lift a finger to try to fix a marriage, even though it could be mended if he tried!
‘I want a separation’
This is of course one of the worst things a husband can say to his wife.
The idea alone of ending a marriage can be frightening.
When he’s given up on you and your relationship, it’s often devastating and comes as a shock.
It’s of course an extremely unfortunate conclusion some husbands choose, that damages them more than they realize…
Questions You Might Have
Some of you have asked other questions about the worst things a husband can say to his wife.
So I’ve compiled and answered them here.
What are the top 5 things that ruin a marriage?
1. Not Enough Communication
You’ve heard this one before, and you’ll likely hear it again. Communication is an important foundation to make a relationship work. Movies and books often teach us that if you find ‘Mr. Right’ … Everything will magically fall into place. The reality is, marriages take work (We learned it the hard way!).
2. Unresolved Personal Problems
Whether it’s gambling, substance use or any other mental health problem a spouse has. Some unhealthy habits can worsen and spiral out of control. It might start to feel like the relationship revolves around managing the condition. If left unaddressed, it can ruin a marriage.
3. Infidelity
Cheating is a frequent reason why marriages fail. Spouses often keep secrets from each other, often with the justification that they ‘Don’t want to hurt’ the other. But sooner than later, the secrets come tumbling out and it’s challenging to fix things afterwards.
4. Monetary Issues
Money can be a delicate topic for couples. And that’s no surprise, since money impacts many parts of our lives. Not seeing eye-to-eye on these matters can put a big wedge in between you and your spouse.
5. Abusive Behaviors
If a marriage is dominated by psychological and verbal abuse from a husband, and he always has to ‘be right’ and control every aspect of his wife’s behavior, then it’s a recipe for disaster and will eventually ruin their marriage. So, if you find yourself in an abusive relationship. It’s important to evaluate whether it can become healthy or not.
What’s the number one cause for divorce?
The biggest contributors to divorce that are reported are a lack of commitment, cheating and arguments. The final reason marriages often end are related to infidelity, domestic violence and substance use.
What are the signs that your partner doesn’t love you anymore?
When your husband no longer makes an effort of any kind, is quick to dismiss and reject your every effort and gets angry quickly… Then chances are your partner doesn’t love you anymore. If he’s also distant and unavailable, his stance on your marriage has unfortunately definitely changed for the worse, and it will need a lot of work and time to revive.
How do you deal when your husband hurts your feelings?
It’s not easy when your husband says the worst possible things to hurt you.
But the fact of the matter is, marriages can be fixed!
Even when your husband is stepping out of line and saying things he shouldn’t.
The first and most important step for you is to set proper boundaries with him!
This means that when something feels too much to you, or you’re at your limit, you tell him that’s enough, no further.
Because without a boundary, he will keep overrunning you and saying the worst things.
So he needs to learn that it is NOT OKAY to say these hurtful things first.
Practice setting boundaries with him and start slowly with simpler things.
From there you can work your way towards the more difficult behaviors of his.
And alongside you getting better with the boundaries, you can start rebuilding trust and connection with him in a way that feels safe and true to both of you.
If you’d like some help with setting boundaries and reconnecting with your husband, we can support you with this in a one-on-one Coaching Call.
Here, we will listen to fully understand the situation of your marriage (in all its history and complexity) and then create a tailored strategy for you to stop his hurtful behavior.
Finally, we’ll show you how to finally make him treat you with the respect and appreciation you deserve.
Have you ever tried telling your partner something only to have them shoot you down or worse yet, turn the conversation into a fight?
If this happens to you, it’s very likely that your partner struggles with defensive listening. It’s a way of miscommunicating that causes a lot of problems in relationships.
To be honest, every single couple has to deal with this issue to a greater or lesser degree.
Everybody gets defensive sometimes!
However, there are varying intensities when it comes to defensive listening.
If you’ve been feeling silenced and discarded by your partner lately, chances are he or she is struggling with defensive listening to a degree that is harmful for your relationship.
Don’t worry though, there is a lot you can do about this!
In this blog post I will help you understand what defensive listening is exactly, why it happens and what to do to get your significant other to actually hear you out.
Examples of Defensive Listening
Fully understanding what defensive listening really is will help you notice it when it happens and will enable you to deal with it in a healthy way.
Some concepts are best explained with examples though. That’s why before giving you any definitions I will first outline a few examples of defensive listening in a conversation:
Example 1:
Julie, trying to communicate: “Uhh work was so stressful today”
Shaun, defensive listener: “You always complain about everything.”
Example 2:
Brad trying to communicate: “I really wish you were more affectionate towards me”
Anna, defensive listener: “I am affectionate towards you. You’re just too needy.”
Example 3:
Chloe, trying to communicate: “I can see that you’re upset about something. What’s up?”
Defensive listening is your partner responding to something you said by either discarding it, or by attacking you because of it.
Like I mentioned before, every couple struggles with this issue to some degree. But if it happens very often in your relationship, it can lead to an unhealthy amount of fighting.
What Causes Defensive Listening
There are two main reasons why your partner might be struggling with defensive listening.
The first one being that they hold a grudge related to the very thing that you’re trying to communicate.
Consider a situation like in Example 1, with a bit of back story:
Julie, trying to communicate: “Uhh work was so stressful today”
Shaun, defensive listener: “You always complain about everything.”
Imagine that Shaun (defensive listener) has been working really hard and carrying more of the financial responsibility in that relationship. He feels really stressed because of this and has been holding a grudge towards Julie (and people in general) for many months.
Julie complaining about work only reminds Shaun how angry he actually feels about it all.
But rather than explain and communicate his anger, he just lashes out.
Shaun, defensive listener, in this case is holding a grudge related to the very thing Julie is trying to communicate:
Shaun is holding a grudge about his stress at work being unacknowledged!
Now, the second big cause for defensive listening is having experienced being discarded and rejected like this many times in the past.
Let’s take Example 2 to illustrate this:
Brad, trying to communicate: “I really wish you were more affectionate towards me”
Anna, defensive listener: “I am affectionate towards you. You’re just too needy.”
But imagine that Anna (the defensive listener) from this example received very little affection from her parents growing up. Whenever she came in for a hug she was told to “Stop making such a fuss.”
Because of this she now gives Brad the same attitude she received in her childhood.
So, whenever you experience defensive listening in your relationship you can assume that it’s due to the combination of these two mentioned reasons.
So defensive listening is caused by:
Your partner is likely holding a grudge related to the thing you’re trying to communicate to them.
They have also likely experienced similar treatment in the past.
How Do You Deal With a Defensive Listener?
Now that you know how to recognize defensive listening and understand why it happens, let’s finally jump to what you can do to deal with this problem in a healthy way.
The point of these tips is to provide you with tools to defuse the conversation and get your point across.
1. Don’t Let the Defensive Listener Silence You
First and foremost, don’t let your partner just discard what you’re trying to tell them.
I know from my own experience this can be really difficult.
Like I said, every couple struggles with this. My husband who runs this blog with me and I also get defensive about things sometimes.
Prepare yourself, your partner will likely try to communicate that you’re being unreasonable, overreacting etc.
Don’t buy into their narrative. They’re just triggered and being defensive.
2. Set Boundaries to Make Them Realise There Is a Problem
When a defensive listener is discarding what you’re saying or deflecting and attacking you, most of the time they don’t realise that they’re hurting you.
In their head you are being unreasonable or blaming them. So to them their reaction is fully justified.
That’s where setting boundaries can come in handy. It can make it clear that you’re not ok with your partner’s way of responding.
It can also allow you to further protect yourself from them discarding you or your needs.
3. Talk About What Is Making Them So Defensive
I know this might be difficult to hear, but sometimes to get someone to hear you out, you have to listen to them first.
If you’ve tried repeating yourself a million times, you’ve set boundaries but you’re still not getting any further to getting your point across, then you listening is your only bet.
Why are they reacting this way? What exactly are they so defensive about?
Sometimes you need to make an effort to get their side of the story first.
Only once they feel heard and understood, can they drop their guard and finally give you the very thing you’ve been needing from them.
How to Manage Defensive Listening in Relationships
Defensive listening is a very common problem in relationships. It’s next to impossible to get rid of it entirely. There are always going to be things that either you or your partner feel attacked by.
Most couples tend to get stuck in patterns with each other though.
They keep on getting triggered and repeat the same argument over and over again.
Noticing when one of you starts listening defensively is actually a big step that can help you break these kinds of damaging cyclical fights.
It can allow you to defuse and put an end to an argument before it even escalates.
If you’re interested in learning more tools to help you manage defensive listening, that’s actually something we teach in our online course for women: Rebuild Your Relationship
Here we will give you step by step guides on how to set boundaries with your partner. This can help you get them to take you seriously and finally hear you out.
We also provide in depth tips on how to fight less and consequently enjoy your relationship more.
Dealing with relationship problems can be very tricky. But at the same time, even tiny progress can make a world of difference and make you and your significant other feel in love again.
We always believed that relationships should be FUN and uplifting! And we were obsessed with finding real-world practical solutions for our relationship problems. Today we help others do the same with our blog.
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