Photo by Mert Kahveci

How do you know if she is only pretending to love you?

Being truly committed to someone requires a certain degree of maturity.

Unfortunately, some women may struggle with this.

They’re not really serious or genuine. They might even intentionally want to use you pragmatically or emotionally.

At the same time, bad experiences from your past might make you understandably careful and suspicious. But being overly cautious might lead you to push someone away who does really care about you.

With this article, I’m going to help you recognize the signs that a woman is only pretending to love you, so that you don’t get blindsided and can protect yourself from being hurt.

I also hope that these tips will put you at ease, dispel some of your doubts and give you more clarity over your situation.

But before going further into the signs to watch out for, I’m going to first briefly outline some common scenarios of when and why a girl might be faking her love for you.

Why Would Someone Pretend to Love You

Generally speaking, people who pretend to love somebody do it because they are just too immature or too emotionally unavailable to let themselves truly feel things.

Loving someone requires opening up to that person, being vulnerable, letting yourself care and ultimately risking getting hurt.

Faking love, on the other hand, is much safer.

A girl who is faking love isn’t risking much emotionally speaking. Her heart is locked away anyway. She keeps her emotional involvement to the minimum.

One typical situations in which a girl might be pretending to love you is when she sees you as a good catch.

Maybe you’re a valuable asset to her: you’re willing to help out, you’re there for her, you want to support her etc. So she does everything she needs to do, to keep you around, which might include faking her love for you.

The second common situation when a woman might be pretending to love you is when she wants to keep you as backup.

Maybe you’re not quite what she wants, but you’re all she’s got at the moment. So she is pretending to love you for the time being, while secretly continuing her search.

Either way, pretending to love someone in order to keep them around is pretty cruel.

Nobody deserves to be blindsided this way.

Here are the signs how you can recognize that a girl is not really in love with you. They will help you protect yourself from being used and deceived.

Signs She Is Pretending to Love You:

1. She Doesn’t Care to Get To Know You

Loving someone requires you to get to know them. After all, you’re loving them for who they are and all the things that make them different from everybody else.

This is why one of the easiest ways how you can know if a girl is pretending to love you is that she makes next to no effort to actually get to know the REAL YOU.

She doesn’t ask you any questions, she doesn’t care about the important people in your life or about your passions and hobbies.

If she doesn’t seem to show much interest in who you are and what drives you, she most likely isn’t really interested in you.

It’s one of the biggest signs that she is not really in love with you, even if she claims otherwise…

2. You Can’t Be Yourself Around Her

Someone who truly loves you won’t require you to put on a show for them. You won’t have to watch what you say and do, and pretend to be someone you’re not.

If you’re having a hard time being yourself around the woman you’re with, it’s a sign that she might be pretending to love you.

Because, she most likely isn’t letting you be yourself.

Maybe she just doesn’t really care about the real you and is just trying to mold you into being the man of her dreams instead.

This brings me to my next point…

3. She Wants to Change Everything About You but Doesn’t Change Herself

It’s normal and healthy to grow and change in a relationship. My husband (who runs this blog with me) changed a lot for me. I’ve also changed a lot for him.

(And the changes we made also benefited us a lot as individuals.)

At the same time, the core of who we both are, a lot of our passions, likes and preferences remained the same.

If a girl you’re with wants to change EVERYTHING about you but isn’t willing improve anything about herself, consider it a warning sign that she might be only pretending to love you.

If she truly was in love with you, she wouldn’t be needing you to change so much. She would be loving you for who you already are.

She would also be willing to listen to your feedback and try to grow as a person to give you more of what you want and need.

4. She Is Only Nice When She Needs Something

Think of all the last times the girl you’re with made and extra effort to be nice to you and make you happy.

Did she ask you for a favor or needed something in return shortly afterwards?

When a woman truly loves a man, she will make an effort to do nice things for him every now and then and she won’t ask for anything in return.

She’ll be loving you unconditionally.

If a girl is only nice to you, when she needs something from you, it’s a sign she is pretending to love you.

Moreover, she might be even manipulating you and using you.

5. She Gets Impatient and Demanding

They say that love is kind and patient. The reality of the matter is: we all have our limits and lose our cool sometimes.

When it comes to this point, it’s all about having a healthy balance of good and bad exchanges in your relationship.

It’s normal to fight every now and then in a healthy relationship.

But if the woman you’re with gets impatient and demands the impossible from you at all times, consider it a warning sign that she might not really be in love with you.

Maybe she is trying to mold you into being “the perfect boyfriend” but doesn’t really care about you or your well-being.

If she is not willing to accept you and your flaws and limitations (not even a little bit) it’s a sign she might be only pretending to love you in order to selfishly get more of what she wants from you.

6. She Deflects All Uncomfortable Conversations

Another big warning sign that a girl might not be really serious about you is if she keeps on deflecting difficult conversations and avoids giving you straight answers.

When you bring up commitment or any other topic that’s touchy for her (like her introducing you to her family, spending more time with you etc.) and she just keeps on finding a way out of the conversation…

She might try to turn it all into a joke, or make you feel like you’re the one who is being difficult here.

She might even try to seduce you just to distract you and avoid having to give you a straight answer.

Then consider it a warning sign that she might be using you emotionally. Maybe she is not entirely honest with you…

7. She Is Very Protective of Her Phone

They say our eyes are the windows to our souls. In today’s day and age, you don’t need to look into somebody’s eyes to see if they are hiding something from you or not…

It’s enough to simply look at the screen of their phone!

If the girl you’re with is extremely protective of all of her mobile devices. She never leaves them unlocked and keeps on receiving a ton of notifications all the time, it is suspicious.

Especially if she is vague about whom all the notifications are from and dismissive towards you when you voice your doubts or complaints.

It’s a sign she might be only pretending to love you, while still looking for more and possibly flirting with other men.

How Can You Know if She Is Honest and Genuine With You

You might have noticed a common trend in all the signs listed above: a girl who is honest with you and does genuinely love you will be willing to give you as much as you give her.

Nobody is perfect, the same way, no relationship is ever perfect.

But if you feel like three or more of the above-mentioned signs apply to your situation, you might consider putting your guard up and observing her more.

Nobody deserves to be deceived this way. As hard as it might be to face the truth, it’s better to do so sooner or later.

If, after reading this, you feel like she is only pretending to love you, she is most likely just wasting your time.

But if you’re still unsure and would need more guidance to really see things for what they are, this is something either my husband or I can help you with in a coaching call.

We will listen to your story and help you make sense of it all.

We will then give you tips on how you can test her, so that you can know for sure is she truly cares about you or not.

Click here to check out Coaching Calls.

Thank you for reading and if you have any questions, leave them in the comments below, and I’ll get back to you.


Karolina Bartnik