Maybe you can’t quite put your finger on why, but something about her hasn’t been quite right lately…
She’s been acting differently, and your gut is telling you can’t trust her anymore.
Now, I’m sorry that it’s come to this in your marriage. I am a married man too and if I suspected my wife cheated on me, I would be utterly devastated.
It is one of the worst breaches of trust.
And you are not alone in this, some of our male clients come to us with the same concerns.
But in order to know for sure, let’s go through the 10 tell-tale signs that your wife just slept with someone else and then talk about what you should do next.
10 Signs Your Wife Just Slept With Someone Else
1. She Doesn’t Answer Her Phone When You’re Around
Where she would normally immediately pick up her phone upon receiving a notification, she now LEAVES her phone if you’re around.
Whether it’s a call or a message, she will “Get it later.” So that you don’t see who is trying to reach her.
This sign is especially true if she was previously more transparent and checked her notifications, whether you were close by or not.
2. You Notice a Change in Her Schedule and Rhythm
We are creatures of habit, and tend to fall into routines to simplify our day-to-day lives.
This leads to a certain rhythm in our schedule, that you will likely also have as a married couple.
So, another way for you to know if she is sleeping with someone else is when that rhythm is suddenly broken WITHOUT justification.
She just inexplicably leaves earlier or comes back later than habitually and seems to be all over the show, like she’s trying to juggle more than she can handle.
It’s as though there’s an ADDITIONAL someone in your schedule that she’s not telling you about…
3. You Can’t Reach Her for Hours
If you’ve had the repeated experience of continuously trying to reach your wife, and she just won’t answer, you have legitimate ground to suspect her.
Because when I call my wife more than once in succession, she concludes something important just happened and gets back to me ASAP!
“What happened? Is everything okay??”
Even if your wife is at work, if you’re insistently trying to reach her, she would know it’s critical. Any caring wife would respond as soon as possible.
And if she does suddenly respond, check if her voice sounds a little hoarse, as though she just slept with someone else.
4. Your Wife Is Resistant to Planning Your Future
Long-term relationships are tough. But if you used to make plans and your wife is now reluctant to, it can be because there is a new man in her life.
Has she been putting off some of these decisions for shared responsibilities?
She doesn’t want to plan the weekend with you
She’d rather you canceled the vacation
She doesn’t want to co-sign that contract
She’s just changed her mind about getting that car
And other shared responsibilities…
Then you can be even more certain that your wife likely slept with someone else, especially if she’s particular about not avoiding a shared financial future.
It’s unfortunate, but maybe she is gradually untangling herself in case she wants someone else now.
5. She Has Hours in Her Day Unaccounted For
You ask her, “What did you do today?”
“Oh, just work and you know…”
“And after work?”
“Oh nothing special, just things… you know, I had to stay longer, and run errands.”
When your wife avoids your questions and has hours unaccounted for, but she needs to make up lies on the spot, it is a potential sign she slept with someone else.
Any honest wife would know what she did when and wouldn’t hesitate to give you straight answers.
If you think she’s lying to you and hiding something, you can likely trust your gut.
6. Your Wife Is Unusually Tidy and Hygienic
When she insists on doing all the laundry and showers the moment she comes home without even giving you a kiss, that should be reason for suspicion…
You are a married couple after all, surely she’s been comfortable around you even when she’s not at her cleanest.
Why the sudden change…?
These kinds of extreme hygienic standards can be a sign that your wife just slept with someone else and is cleaning up after herself to leave no trace of evidence.
When I was initially dating my wife (then girlfriend) she put a lot of effort into her appearance, she put her best foot forward to attract me -as did I.
But as the years went on, and we became comfortable with each other, she relaxed and allowed herself the freedom to not spend an hour or two getting ready.
In the same way, I’m sure in your marriage your wife relaxed her standards over time.
So if she is suddenly changing that by wearing nice outfits and diligently applying her makeup without reason, it can be a sign she’s sleeping with someone else.
8. You Catch Her Lying to You
Some people are incredibly honest and forthright.
Others are not.
If you catch your wife lying to you, especially repeatedly, it’s a sign of a guilty wife, and you have a good reason to suspect she’s slept with someone else.
Telling the TRUTH requires much LESS EFFORT than telling a lie, because you don’t have to think and fabricate a fiction.
She could just tell it as it is, unless she has something to HIDE…
The only exception to this, is if she’s trying to surprise you for say your birthday and has planned something elaborate.
9. She Becomes Defensive When You Confront Her
When someone has nothing to hide, they are unlikely to become defensive.
So if you have confronted your wife about your suspicions of her sleeping with someone else, and she has become defensive and maybe even turned it around and accused YOU of cheating, that should definitely raise your suspicion further.
She shouldn’t have any reason to escalate the situation, if anything she ought to reassure you and avoid a fight at all costs.
10. Your Sex Life Has Changed
Another way you can tell if your wife slept with another man is if you’ve noticed changes in your sex life.
(And I don’t mean the regular changes regarding her cycle or a potential infection.)
I mean that up till recently your sex life was predictable to you, you knew when, if and how things were likely to unfold between you two.
But now suddenly something is DIFFERENT, without reason.
She’s likely even less interested in having sex, or if you do have sex, she seems uneasy and different towards you.
How Can I Test My Wife’s Faithfulness?
If enough of the signs above have fit for you, and you are fairly certain that your wife has cheated on you, you might now want to test her faithfulness, here are a couple of ways you can do it.
I will preface this by saying NONE of these are pleasant to do, but if your relationship is on thin ice as it is, you might feel it appropriate.
Ask Her to Send Her Current Location
During the time you suspect her to be with someone else, text her and once she responds, ask her to send you her CURRENT location.
If she says she doesn’t know how, copy and send these instructions to help her…
iPhone: Open Messages App > Select your messaging conversation > Tap on the profile image (on the top middle of screen) > Tap ‘Send my current location’.
Android: Open Google Messages App > Select your messaging conversation > Tap the ‘+’ button near the text field > Tap ‘Location’ > Choose ‘Precise location’ > Send this location via SMS.
If she refuses or stalls, consider it further reason to suspect her.
She should be where she said she was going, otherwise you have your evidence she’s hiding something.
Check Her Phone & Find Out if She Has a Second One
And for some men this is understandably their final decision…
They cannot see themselves staying with someone who would lie to them and hurt them so profoundly.
2. You Try to Rebuild Your Marriage
Days or weeks after matters have cooled down a little and the truth is finally out, you might find yourself not so clear about separation anymore.
Starting from scratch is a lot of work, both emotionally and pragmatically, and some people decide that their marriage is worth trying to save.
If you choose the latter, what is critical here is that you do not simply get back together.
You need to address her issues and the issues in your marriage that led to this devastating event.
This is where coaching can be of great help with an expert outsider’s perspective.
So if you want to give your marriage another shot but want to make sure you’re building it on truth and trust so that an experience like this never happens again…
Some weird soulmate signs are that they are not quite what you were expecting, as well as how they make you feel incredibly vulnerable.
But there’s a lot more to it when trying to determine all the unusual soulmate signs, and that’s what I’m here to help you with today.
What Are Some Soulmate Signs
There are those classic soulmate moments…
And then there are the weird ones.
The ones that leave you wondering whether there’s something strange at play here.
With a lot of them, they will seem odd at first, but as you get to know your soulmate, they make sense in retrospect and can feel normal and familiar very quickly.
Here are the weird soulmate signs to look out for:
1. Things Can Be Awkward at First
When you initially meet your soulmate, things might not be quite as you expected.
Instead of the seamless romance and instant chemistry, you might have a rather awkward situation.
You’re clearly drawn to each other, but one of you might be mumbling incoherently while the other can barely get a word out.
Things become increasingly awkward and peculiar, so you both decide better not risk saying too much.
Which brings us to…
2. You’re Not Sure if You Like Each Other
So not only are things weird and awkward at first, you’re also not sure how you feel about each other.
Yet there seems to be something that pulls you together, counteracting all the strangeness.
There is generally a period of evaluating each other carefully.
Overtime, you and your soulmate become fonder of each other, though, as your understanding and appreciation of each other deepens.
3. Your Soulmate Is Not What You Were Expecting
At some point in your life, you might have had a very clear picture of what your soulmate looked like and who they were going to be as a person.
But another weird soulmate sign is exactly that, they might even be everything BUT what you expected. And yet somehow you still feel inexplicably DRAWN and attracted to them.
4. You Have Opposing Tastes on Some Things
You may also have opposing tastes on things you are rather clear about.
You love chocolate ice cream, they despise it
They swear on modern art, and you’d rather go to a cemetery
You devour death metal, while they sing along to the top charts
It will all seem rather weird and maybe not what you thought it’d be.
But it doesn’t seem to matter because you feel that your differences are actually something that adds excitement to your life in a way that connects you more!
And sometimes…
5. Things Don’t Magically Fall Into Place
Another weird soulmate sign is that the way things unfold between the two of you is not quite like in the movies
You don’t just magically click and have everything fall into place.
No, a weird sign with soulmates can be that you actually have to figure out what you mean to each other and how you will fit in the other’s life.
It may not be what you thought it would be, but for some reason, this journey with your soulmate feels more personal and intimate.
So much so, it could be BETTER than what you previously dreamed of.
6. They Look Different Than You Imagined
Much like how they may not be what you were expecting in regard to their character, the same might be true of their appearance.
Whether it’s the way they wear their hair, their style, or the color of their eyes – it might catch you off guard.
But that DOESN’T mean you don’t like it.
On the contrary, you will likely instantly find them attractive and want to get to know them more.
7. You Trust Each Other Without Reason
Another odd soulmate sign is that you will feel inherent trust towards them, while hardly knowing them.
With other people, you might normally need to overcome trust issues and they would require serious social media background checks to verify that they aren’t a weirdo.
But with your soulmate things are… different.
You may not be able to put your finger on it, but something about their behavior and mannerisms tells you can trust them and that they deeply trust you too.
8. They Make You Feel Incredibly Vulnerable
Despite all the things you do not share, a weird soulmate sign is that they will be able to make you feel incredibly vulnerable…
Often without even trying.
It’s like they can pierce your soul and render you defenseless, seeing past any façades or deflections you might throw up…and right into the core of your being.
It’s vulnerable, but you feel seen.
9. They Make You Realize How Invisible You Previously Felt
Sometimes you go through life being so busy and getting caught up with things, that you entirely forget yourself.
But with your soulmate, you will have the peculiar (and sometimes shocking) experience of waking up to the fact that you were far more invisible and hidden than you realized.
But they will help you reconnect with those precious parts of yourself, which will make you shine brighter in your day-to-day life.
10. Things Can Feel Eerily Calm With Them
What may have previously started as awkward silences, is now extensive periods of mutual calm.
Peaceful silence, that stretches like a serene lake between the two of you.
You may not say a word to each other for many hours and yet, you are connected.
People may think it’s weird, but you know that you can have this silence, because your trust and understanding of each other runs so deep.
11. Being Separate Feels Plain Wrong
Once you’re over the weird soulmate signs, being apart will feel unnatural.
It will be strange and feel like something you need to RECTIFY as soon as possible.
But thanks to modern technology, you’re only an instant message or video call away and can look forward to reconnecting soon again!
12. Being Mad at Them for Longer Than Five Minutes Is Hard
They are way too good at charming you and making you laugh, which means trying to stay mad at them is fighting back a smile while attempting to keep a mean face.
Whatever it is that they did to make you upset is often quickly forgotten and replaced with laughter and hugs.
You get along too well to be mad at each other for too long.
13. You Make Up After a Fight in the Weirdest of Ways
Some couples have the classic fights and of bickering and endless back-and-forth power struggles.
But with your soulmate things can once again be different…
When you guys fight, you will make up afterwards by
Having a conversation with nothing but your eyes
Having kinky make up sex
Immediately going on a spontaneous date, as though nothing occurred
Lack of communication in a relationship is a common problem that most couples struggle with to some degree.
Being able to communicate effectively with your partner is a skill most of us are not really familiar with.
You have to know HOW to listen to make somebody feel heard.
The same is true about talking.
You have to know how to express your needs and preferences so that you CAN get your point across.
If you feel like there is a lack of communication in your relationship, chances are either your partner or you lack those skills or struggle with them.
That’s perfectly normal!
Everybody struggles with this to some degree.
The real problem emerges when you haven’t been communicating with each other for a longer period of time.
Lack of communication in a relationship can become a vicious cycle.
The less you talk the more unspoken grudges will build…
All these unresolved issues create a barrier between you that makes it even harder for you to communicate with your partner.
When this happens more serious problems tend to follow suit.
In this post I will explain why communication is so important in a relationship.
And what happens when it’s lacking, including how to start fixing it so that you can turn things around.
What Is Normal Communication in a Relationship
Before discussing lack of communication in a relationship I want to first briefly outline what you should be aiming towards here.
A lot of us have a tendency to strive towards perfection.
As powerful of a motivator it can be, it’s also important to stay realistic and make room for your own and your partner’s limitations.
Normal communication in a relationship doesn’t need to be perfect.
It’s also normal to struggle with speaking about certain topics or formulating things in a messy, all over the show kind of way.
Normal communication in a relationship is when you spend more time talking and getting along than you do holding grudges or fighting.
That your skills and efforts are good enough for both of you to stay connected and you’re both able to bring up and discuss important issues when they arise.
What Does Lack of Communication Mean in a Relationship?
Now that you know what a normal amount of communicating is, you can better understand its polar opposite.
Lack of communication in a relationship means that you cannot get through to the other.
That you have no means of speaking about important issues and you don’t know where your partner is really at.
It’s a difficult situation to be in that can go on for months or even years.
Lack of communication in a relationship is often accompanied by emotional distance and mistrust.
In some cases, it results in an increased amount of fighting.
More often than not, this problem remains hidden though.
It can be hard to notice something that is lacking.
In many cases couples stop communicating GRADUALLY.
So it’s a slow but steady process of having a harder and harder time being open and honest with one another.
Or it’s just one person who starts keeping things to themselves and consequently is holding lots of silent grudges.
They often let things go on like this for a while, until they can no longer keep it all in.
But even when they reach a breaking point, rather than communicate, they might ask for a relationship break or even say they want to leave.
How Does Lack of Communication Affect Relationships?
Lack of communication affects relationships in lots of negative ways.
It makes couples grow distant and emotionally disconnected from one another.
When you can’t tell where your partner is truly at, it’s also impossible to trust them.
And relationships can’t really function without trust.
Lack of communication also leads to an increased amount of misunderstandings, which in turn results in even more grudges, broken expectations and potentially fighting too often.
It makes couples slowly grow apart and fall out of love with one another.
A lot of our coaching clients who struggled with communicating in their relationship didn’t realise it, until it was too late.
They stopped talking to each other but it was such a gradual process, they simply got used to this new reality.
Months passed and they suddenly found themselves completely disconnected and on the verge of a divorce or a breakup!
This brings me to the next question, you guys so often ask about.
Can a Relationship Survive Lack of Communication?
Lack of communication has devastating effects on a relationship but people’s attachments are actually incredibly resilient.
We rarely want to truly let go of the one we once loved.
Even when somebody says they want to end things, it’s often their last desperate attempt to get you to chase them and finally see things their way.
This is why, yes, relationships CAN absolutely survive lack of communication, as long as you manage to fix it, at least to some degree.
But, if one of you, or both of you, continue refusing to be open and honest, you will inevitably grow apart and eventually lose each other for good.
How Do You Fix Lack of Communication in a Relationship?
Like I briefly mentioned in the introduction already, communicating effectively is a skill that you can practice and become good at.
But like with anything you have to start slow and not expect miracles to happen right away.
You can’t go from not taking and not trusting each other, to perfectly getting along in one day.
It’s going to be a gradual process and it will take time.
Fixing lack of communication requires you to learn or improve two things:
Listening
Speaking
Improving your ability to listen will help you make your partner feel heard. This is the ONLY way you can get them to trust you again and open up to you.
The second skill required for communication, speaking, is just as important as the first one.
Getting your point across is often incredibly hard.
It might take you repeating yourself over and over again, and insisting that your partner hears you out, for them to finally back down and listen.
It’s especially tricky when your partner is defensive or dismissive of what you’re trying to tell them.
Fixing lack of communication happens slowly and gradually.
But, it’s important to keep at it.
Just like with any skill, you can get there in time if you put your mind and heart to it!
How to Communicate in a Relationship With a Man
A predominant majority of our readers are women. That’s why I want to include this point here. Men have their own particular quirks and limitations when it comes to communicating.
For example, they can be pretty dismissive towards emotions and judge you as overreacting or being unreasonable.
This is why, in order to communicate in a relationship with a man you have to be able to stand your ground and not let them diminish or dismiss your needs.
You also need to approach them in a way that will encourage them to open up to you and make more effort to come your way.
It’s actually a complex problem and there is a lot to it.
If you’re looking for a complete, step by step guide on how to communicate with a man, we’ve created an online program for women to help you out with this: Rebuild Your Relationship
In it, we’ll show you exactly what to say and do, to get through to him, get him to take you seriously and finally listen to you.
We also explain how to approach men the right way, so that you can encourage him to try harder and make more effort in your relationship.
It’s not easy to recognize the signs that he doesn’t love you anymore.
Facing the truth that your boyfriend or husband doesn’t care about you as much as he once did, can be heartbreaking.
Maybe you feel betrayed and disappointed: “How could he give up so easily?!”
Or you blame yourself and wonder why, despite all your efforts, it’s just never enough for him.
It’s painful to know when the love is gone in a relationship.
However, coming to terms with it, is the first step in doing something about it.
So give yourself a pat on the back for being willing to face this difficult truth and keep in mind, what might feel like a seemingly hopeless situation can actually change.
You can get your boyfriend or husband to care and chase you again.
You just need to know how to do it!
In this article, I’ll list the signs that he doesn’t love you anymore and explain what you can do to reignite the spark, get him to step up his game and fight for you again.
1. He Makes Less Effort
The number one sign how you can know that he doesn’t care anymore is when he almost stops putting in any effort into making the relationship work.
This might mean many things, here are some examples:
He might stop checking in with you
He doesn’t call or text you
He will not arrange to go out anymore
He will not dress up or try to impress you
He might even put on weight and let himself go
He doesn’t make any efforts to make you happy
He doesn’t want to help you
He refuses to do what you ask him for
He doesn’t listen to you
What makes these signs so hard to accept is that it’s truly upsetting to see how little he actually cares.
Another sad sign that he doesn’t love you anymore is when your boyfriend or husband is guarded and distant.
It’s similar to the previous one, just that in this case it’s less about him being there for you emotionally and more about how unwilling he is to let you in.
These are the examples of when a man becomes distant and guarded:
He doesn’t show vulnerability
He is emotionally detached
He never cries in front of you
You don’t know what he is feeling
The only emotions he ever displays are resentment and anger
You don’t know what he cares about, or if he even cares about anything at all
He never shows or admits to weakness
He never shows that he cares about you or is afraid of losing you
He doesn’t want to connect emotionally
Being together with someone who doesn’t let you in anymore is very hard.
But you’ve learned to accept this new reality and live with it.
You might be baffled that your boyfriend or husband doesn’t love you but wants to stay together.
It’s frustrating to be stuck with him, when he is treating you this way.
Or you’re worried that things are hanging by a thread and expecting him to want to leave any moment now.
Either way, you can’t let this situation continue the way it is.
You’ve waited long enough for you to know that It will not resolve itself on its own.
You have two options here, you can either:
a) Call it quits: Tell him that you’ve had enough, you can’t continue living this way and are willing to walk away from him, if he doesn’t try to improve anything.
or
b) Try to mend things: This one is the safer bet. It’s less likely to actually end in a divorce or a breakup. However, it will require you to put in effort to stop your relationship from dying.
You’ll need to communicate with him and start fixing all the problems that were driving you apart.
My husband and I actually went through this very journey ourselves.
We, too, struggled in our relationship and almost lost each other because of all our problems.
But we managed to overcome them, and now we teach others how to do the same.
If you want structure and a step-by-step plan on how to fix your relationship, check out our online course: Rebuild Your Relationship
Here we teach why men fall out of love and what to do to reverse this process.
We will show you how to set boundaries to make it clear to him that he can’t continue treating you this way.
We’ll also give you tips on what to say and do to make him care more and become wild for you again.
You’re not sure you can take it anymore and are looking for signs you should stay away from someone.
Because deep down, you feel like they might be doing you MORE harm than good…
And you need to know for sure.
That’s what I’ll help you with today.
The predicament you’re in is a tough one to balance. Because on one hand, there is, or at the very least was, something that draws you to this someone in your life.
The flip side is, of course, that you’re not sure if they’re good for you.
Let’s talk about the most important signs you should stay away from someone followed by how to stay away from them.
When Should You Walk Away From Someone – 15 Signs
We’ll start with the milder signs and escalate all the way up to the –definitely stay away from them!– signs.
And the more signs fit for you, the clearer the message is that you should leave them.
1. You Can’t Be Yourself Around Them
It’s like the cliché you see in teenage dramas.
A character desperately wants to fit in with the popular crowd at school, so that they finally won’t feel like a nobody.
But the rite of passage requires them to sacrifice who they are to get with the in-crowd.
They reluctantly do it and once finally accepted in the new clique, they find themselves at the highest social-tier and…
Feel empty inside.
Because they eventually realize they’ve given up everything that they valued and enjoyed to be with these people that were supposed to make them happy.
But they were told to deny themselves if they wanted to be accepted.
Ironic, no?
So, if you feel as though you have to change who you are so things “work” between you two, that’s your first sign to stay away from them.
2. After Meeting Them, You Feel Worse
You might be excited to see them again, but once you actually meet and spend some time together, you just feel downright depressed.
They might be nihilistic or utterly given up on anything good or hopeful in life.
And you bear the brunt of it.
You’re sucked into their gloomy vortex, and by the time you finally manage to pull yourself out, you realize just how bad you actually feel.
If this is a repeated experience you have with them, consider it another sign you should stay away from them.
3. They Make You Feel Inferior
There are few things more reprehensible than someone building their sense of self-worth by making you feel inferior.
They’ll make “jokes” at your expense and take jabs at you to gradually break you.
It’ll instill harmful doubt in you…
Being exposed to this kind of treatment repeatedly will not do you any good and is definitely something you ought to minimize.
Because if you don’t, it’ll chip away at your self-esteem, making you feel undeserving.
When someone treats you this way, count it as another sign you should stay away from this person.
4. They Ignore Everything That Is You
Each of us is uniquely different.
This is what brings value to the world, our unique identities, traits and resulting character.
They are the things that make up YOU.
And when someone is not interested in you and keeps ignoring you, it’s a definite sign that you should stay away from them.
Being continuously ignored for who you are and only accepted for when you fulfill their expectations, will not end well for you.
Don’t let things escalate, you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.
If setting boundaries is a challenge for you, start by doing them over text, then phone calls, and if necessary, then in person.
Confront Them
Sometimes you need closure.
And if that is the case for you, prepare yourself for a confrontation with them.
This can be over text or in person.
Here you will list all the wrong they have done towards you and tell them you will no longer be tolerating it.
It’s OVER.
This is generally a very big step for people, -your heart might be racing- but fear not.
You will feel ten times bigger after confronting them. No matter how they react, firmly stand your ground.
Cut Off Contact
If necessary, you can then cut off all contact.
Block them on your phone and social media, do not engage with them.
Depending on how long you knew someone, this will vary in difficulty.
You’ll be tempted to reach out to try to mend things “one last time”.
It’s important to keep in mind that you’ve already given them endless chances and that they didn’t appreciate that, they USED it.
I promise that after about a 3-month period it will become a lot easier.
If you’re having difficulty staying away from someone and need support, check out our one-on-one coaching calls.
We’ll listen to your story and help you make up your mind as to whether you should stay away from them or not.
We’ll also teach you how to set firm boundaries and build your confidence so that you feel more secure in navigating challenging relationship situations.
When you can’t stop expecting you from people, you constantly end up disappointed and hurt…
I’ve supported them so much, why can’t they do this simple thing for me!?
I’ve loved them unconditionally, why can’t they return the gesture?
I’ve been upfront and honest, why can’t they do the same!?
Why are they making things so difficult? This could be so easily solved, if they just…
Whether it’s your family, partner, friends, or colleagues. Everybody seems to be making things more difficult than they need to be.
“But” you might say, “Isn’t this all because I need to stop expecting myself from people? And if I didn’t do that, I wouldn’t be disappointed to begin with!”
Yes, that is partially true.
When you stop expecting you from people and are willing to see them for who they are with all of their limitations, you WILL put a stop to the cycle of your disappointment and hurt.
However, as with most things in life, it’s not black and white…
Why Do Expectations Hurt?
The other side to this is that every relationship in your life has unspoken social agreements, expectations.
For example, you might have certain expectations from your parents, because they are, after all, your parents.
And by becoming parents, they signed up for a set of responsibilities towards you, that you expect:
Providing you with essentials to grow and flourish
Protecting you from physical, emotional or psychological harm
Validating and supporting you through hardships
And the same is true of every relationship in your life today, they all have (unspoken) expectations attached to them.
Including your partner, friends or work colleagues.
You might expect them to…
treat you as you treat them
take your side, the way you take theirs
be considerate, as you are towards them, etc
However, in reality, it unfortunately rarely works out this way.
There is no such thing as a perfect friend who returns every gesture, just as little as there are perfect partners or families that give back as much as you put in.
Which leads us to why expectations can HURT.
Expectations can hurt, because when the people in your life don’t meet your expectations, it communicates that they don’t matter.
That you don’t matter.
Which is one of the most hurtful lies you can be told.
7 Areas to Stop Expecting You From People
But there is a BALANCE to be had.
The world and people are complicated, and the expectations in our relationships are a reflection of that.
But we can strike a balance between stopping our expectations from people, whilst holding each other to standards you mutually agree on.
For now, let’s talk about where in your life you should definitely STOP expecting you from people.
So that you can be strong enough to face the reality that the people in your life have LIMITATIONS.
No matter how hard you push them.
And in turn, you will stop feeling disappointed and hurt by them.
Starting with…
1. Stop Expecting People to Agree With You
Even if listening and agreeing with others comes easy to you, expecting the same from others can mean endless disappointment and frustration.
You’ll spend an hour agreeing with someone’s worldview, validating them along the way.
And when it’s finally your turn to express yourself, they might immediately disagree.
You’re left hanging dry, despite all your efforts.
So don’t get TOO invested right away!
Instead, start with a little back and forth to test whether this person even has the CAPACITY to agree with you. (Some don’t!)
If they can’t agree with you on anything, or at the very least consider your point of view, just leave it.
Don’t chase someone that can’t return what you give.
2. Stop Expecting People to Trust You
If you’re one to quickly trust people because you believe that people are inherently good and mean well…
And hope that in return, people will trust you back.
It might be time to stop expecting you from people.
For your own safety, that is.
Because like it or not, the world is full of malicious people.
Many of whom DON’T deserve your trust and will abuse it.
When you instantly trust people, you’re leaving yourself wide open for a world of disappointment and anguish.
But there are certainly many things we can do to improve our communication of our expectations, which will INCREASE our chances of having them met.
As well as seeing people for who they are, rather than what we’d like them to be.
Is It Good to Have No Expectations?
Sure. The fewer expectations you have, the better.
But show me one person who truly does not have expectations, and I’ll treat you to a big bag of cookies.
My father was one to always laugh at me for having expectations of him.
“If you don’t have expectations, you won’t be disappointed.” He would mock me.
Unironically, disappointing was the only thing he was good at.
But I digress…
My point being, people who preach this garbage are hypocrites.
Sure, stop having expectations that aren’t helping you.
But as mentioned, it’s more about stopping to chase people that continuously let you down.
How Do I Stop Expecting a Lot From Others?
In order to stop expecting a lot from others, you need to dig a little deeper and understand why you’re chasing people that will never give you what you want.
To answer that, ask yourself:
What am I afraid would happen, if I stopped chasing the people in my life who never meet my expectations?
The answer will help you get in touch with what is driving you to chase said people with your expectations.
And once you can let go of that expectation, you’ll be free to….
accept what they can give you
accept what they cannot give you
You’ll finally take them at face value.
You’ll see people for who they ARE, rather than who you want them to be.
And once you see that, you will have no expectations from them, because you know they cannot give you what you need to begin with.
Do Expectations Ruin Relationships?
When pushed too far, expectations can hurt and even ruin relationships.
Both Karolina and I had to learn that we had certain limits.
Things that were easy for her were not easy for me and vice versa.
And what happened when we expected too much, (because in our individual minds we weren’t asking for much since to us, it came easy), was that it put a lot of strain on our relationship.
This is why it’s important to acknowledge and accept each other’s limitations in a relationship.
While slowly encouraging each other to grow out of them.
If you’re having a hard time stopping your expectations from people, have a look at our one-on-one Coaching Calls.
In a call, we’ll help you understand what’s driving your expectations and show you how to break the cycle of repeated disappointment in others.
We’ll also teach you how to communicate your needs in a way that will actually get what you want from people.
We always believed that relationships should be FUN and uplifting! And we were obsessed with finding real-world practical solutions for our relationship problems. Today we help others do the same with our blog.
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