When someone you love hurts you deeply, it’s often hard to comprehend how they could do something like this.
Maybe you’re blaming yourself, thinking: “What did I do wrong to let this happen?”
Or you’re feeling betrayed, disappointed and are wondering: if this is how they treat you, then they’re clearly not who you thought them to be!
Being hurt emotionally or physically by someone you trusted and cared about is one of the most painful experiences in life.
But you can get through this!
Time alone will ease your pain. What’s more, there are things you can say and do to make it clear to the person who hurt you just how badly they messed up.
You can also protect yourself from this kind of betrayal in the future.
But first off, I’m going to explain why it even comes to this.
Why Does the One You Love Hurt You the Most
Unfortunately, the one you love can hurt you the most, because they are closest to you. You’ve let yourself be vulnerable around them and given them your trust.
This is why, when they betray it, it cuts much deeper and is far more personal.
We also have more emotional needs and higher expectations from the ones we love.
Imagine a friend of yours forgot about your birthday. Chances are, you might be slightly upset about it. But it probably wouldn’t be that big of a deal.
However, if it’s your significant other, or one of your parents who forget about your special day, that is bound to really hurt.
Unfortunately, pain and love often go hand in hand.
None of us are perfect. We all forget things, are selfish and sometimes can do incredibly hurtful things, mostly, without intending to do so.
This brings me to my next point:
Can Someone Hurt You and Still Love You?
Yes, someone can absolutely hurt you and still love you.
Unfortunately, life and relationships are messy. Everybody has been through their own share of hardships and carries emotional baggage that they then let out on their loved ones.
If you’re asking yourself, how can someone say they love you and then hurt you, know that it’s often done unintentionally.
But don’t think of this as an excuse or a reason why you should forgive them.
Regardless if they meant to hurt you or not, it doesn’t make it ok for someone you love to put you through pain.
What’s more, different people have different standards and definitions of what love means and entails.
When someone you love hurts you deeply, it’s important that you ask yourself: “Is this something I’m willing to put up with or not?”
It’s up to you to define your own limits and protect your own well-being. Maybe their definition and standards for love are just too different from what you want and need.
What to Do When You Are Hurt by Someone You Love
What do you do when someone you love really hurts you? Your first reaction might be to just run away and hide.
Distancing yourself and having some space is actually a good way of giving yourself time to recover and protecting yourself from further pain.
As long as you’re not doing it purely in the hopes of having the one who hurt you come chasing you with apologies.
This is where your attitude can backfire…
People rarely hurt others on purpose. So when you just distance yourself from them with no explanation, they are likely to misinterpret it as “you just needing space”.
So rather than come chasing after you, they’ll also just withdraw and try to wait it out.
(This is why blocking an ex after a breakup tends to have the opposite effect than what you were trying to achieve.)
Another common way of how people react when they’re hurt by a loved one is by being furious and outraged. It’s perfectly understandable that you might be impatient for them to see their mistake and make it up to you.
Unfortunately, this attitude generally doesn’t work either.
Because, even if they know they hurt you and feel a bit guilty, they likely don’t comprehend the gravity of what they put you through.
So rather than listen and apologize, they’ll likely just get defensive and might even say and do things that only hurt you further.
When someone you love hurts you deeply, your first focus needs to be protecting yourself from any further pain.
Followed by communicating to them why and how what they did caused you pain.
What to Say to Someone You Love Who Has Hurt You Deeply
Once you’ve recovered and regained your strength a little, try to communicate what you felt as clearly as possible.
You do this by saying something like:
“I have to tell you something important, and I need you to take it seriously. When you said/did that thing, it really hurt me. It broke my trust and made me question how you actually feel about me.”
This is how you give them a chance to understand and correct their mistake.
Don’t be surprised if they still react with defensive listening. You will most likely need to repeat yourself and set boundaries to really get your message across.
And if they just continue dismissing you over and over again and repeatedly do the things that hurt you deeply, you might want to reconsider this relationship…
…because, maybe it’s turning into a bit of a toxic one.
Abusive relationships can be fixed, but both sides have to be willing and ready to put in effort and make a real change.
How to Deal With Someone Who Hurt You Emotionally
Dealing with someone who hurt you emotionally will require a lot of strength. Confronting them and trying to communicate with them will be vulnerable and maybe even a bit scary.
After all, by doing it, you will be risking yet another rejection.
This is why you’ll need to put your guard up and take it slow.
On top of making an effort to communicate, you’ll also likely need to set boundaries to make it clear to them that what they did hurt you deeply and that there’ll be consequences to it.
It’s all about being willing to face the reality of this difficult situation and standing up to them to whatever degree is necessary.
If you need help dealing with a loved one who really hurt you, I can support you through this in a coaching call.
Here I’ll listen and take your side. I’ll then build you up, so that you have the necessary strength to start fixing this difficult situation.
I’ll also give you tips on what boundaries to set and how to do it.
And if this isn’t the first time that someone you loved, hurt you deeply, and you feel like there is nothing more you can do to make it better, check out my husband’s post:
Thank you for reading. I’m so sorry that you’re going through this! If you have any questions, leave me a comment, and I’ll get back to you.
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