So you suspect your wife of cheating.
Maybe you can’t quite put your finger on why, but something about her hasn’t been quite right lately…
She’s been acting differently, and your gut is telling you can’t trust her anymore.
Now, I’m sorry that it’s come to this in your marriage. I am a married man too and if I suspected my wife cheated on me, I would be utterly devastated.
It is one of the worst breaches of trust.
And you are not alone in this, some of our male clients come to us with the same concerns.
But in order to know for sure, let’s go through the 10 tell-tale signs that your wife just slept with someone else and then talk about what you should do next.
10 Signs Your Wife Just Slept With Someone Else
1. She Doesn’t Answer Her Phone When You’re Around
Where she would normally immediately pick up her phone upon receiving a notification, she now LEAVES her phone if you’re around.
Whether it’s a call or a message, she will “Get it later.” So that you don’t see who is trying to reach her.
This sign is especially true if she was previously more transparent and checked her notifications, whether you were close by or not.
2. You Notice a Change in Her Schedule and Rhythm
We are creatures of habit, and tend to fall into routines to simplify our day-to-day lives.
This leads to a certain rhythm in our schedule, that you will likely also have as a married couple.
So, another way for you to know if she is sleeping with someone else is when that rhythm is suddenly broken WITHOUT justification.
She just inexplicably leaves earlier or comes back later than habitually and seems to be all over the show, like she’s trying to juggle more than she can handle.
It’s as though there’s an ADDITIONAL someone in your schedule that she’s not telling you about…
3. You Can’t Reach Her for Hours
If you’ve had the repeated experience of continuously trying to reach your wife, and she just won’t answer, you have legitimate ground to suspect her.
Because when I call my wife more than once in succession, she concludes something important just happened and gets back to me ASAP!
“What happened? Is everything okay??”
Even if your wife is at work, if you’re insistently trying to reach her, she would know it’s critical. Any caring wife would respond as soon as possible.
And if she does suddenly respond, check if her voice sounds a little hoarse, as though she just slept with someone else.
4. Your Wife Is Resistant to Planning Your Future
Long-term relationships are tough. But if you used to make plans and your wife is now reluctant to, it can be because there is a new man in her life.
Has she been putting off some of these decisions for shared responsibilities?
- She doesn’t want to plan the weekend with you
- She’d rather you canceled the vacation
- She doesn’t want to co-sign that contract
- She’s just changed her mind about getting that car
- And other shared responsibilities…
Then you can be even more certain that your wife likely slept with someone else, especially if she’s particular about not avoiding a shared financial future.
It’s unfortunate, but maybe she is gradually untangling herself in case she wants someone else now.
5. She Has Hours in Her Day Unaccounted For
You ask her, “What did you do today?”
“Oh, just work and you know…”
“And after work?”
“Oh nothing special, just things… you know, I had to stay longer, and run errands.”
When your wife avoids your questions and has hours unaccounted for, but she needs to make up lies on the spot, it is a potential sign she slept with someone else.
Any honest wife would know what she did when and wouldn’t hesitate to give you straight answers.
If you think she’s lying to you and hiding something, you can likely trust your gut.
6. Your Wife Is Unusually Tidy and Hygienic
When she insists on doing all the laundry and showers the moment she comes home without even giving you a kiss, that should be reason for suspicion…
You are a married couple after all, surely she’s been comfortable around you even when she’s not at her cleanest.
Why the sudden change…?
These kinds of extreme hygienic standards can be a sign that your wife just slept with someone else and is cleaning up after herself to leave no trace of evidence.
She should honestly know better because sooner than later, secrets kill a relationship.
7. She Puts Additional Effort Into Her Appearance
When I was initially dating my wife (then girlfriend) she put a lot of effort into her appearance, she put her best foot forward to attract me -as did I.
But as the years went on, and we became comfortable with each other, she relaxed and allowed herself the freedom to not spend an hour or two getting ready.
In the same way, I’m sure in your marriage your wife relaxed her standards over time.
So if she is suddenly changing that by wearing nice outfits and diligently applying her makeup without reason, it can be a sign she’s sleeping with someone else.
8. You Catch Her Lying to You
Some people are incredibly honest and forthright.
Others are not.
If you catch your wife lying to you, especially repeatedly, it’s a sign of a guilty wife, and you have a good reason to suspect she’s slept with someone else.
It’s also a sign you might want to stay away from her.
Telling the TRUTH requires much LESS EFFORT than telling a lie, because you don’t have to think and fabricate a fiction.
She could just tell it as it is, unless she has something to HIDE…
The only exception to this, is if she’s trying to surprise you for say your birthday and has planned something elaborate.
9. She Becomes Defensive When You Confront Her
When someone has nothing to hide, they are unlikely to become defensive.
So if you have confronted your wife about your suspicions of her sleeping with someone else, and she has become defensive and maybe even turned it around and accused YOU of cheating, that should definitely raise your suspicion further.
She shouldn’t have any reason to escalate the situation, if anything she ought to reassure you and avoid a fight at all costs.
10. Your Sex Life Has Changed
Another way you can tell if your wife slept with another man is if you’ve noticed changes in your sex life.
(And I don’t mean the regular changes regarding her cycle or a potential infection.)
I mean that up till recently your sex life was predictable to you, you knew when, if and how things were likely to unfold between you two.
But now suddenly something is DIFFERENT, without reason.
She’s likely even less interested in having sex, or if you do have sex, she seems uneasy and different towards you.
How Can I Test My Wife’s Faithfulness?
If enough of the signs above have fit for you, and you are fairly certain that your wife has cheated on you, you might now want to test her faithfulness, here are a couple of ways you can do it.
I will preface this by saying NONE of these are pleasant to do, but if your relationship is on thin ice as it is, you might feel it appropriate.
Ask Her to Send Her Current Location
During the time you suspect her to be with someone else, text her and once she responds, ask her to send you her CURRENT location.
If she says she doesn’t know how, copy and send these instructions to help her…
iPhone: Open Messages App > Select your messaging conversation > Tap on the profile image (on the top middle of screen) > Tap ‘Send my current location’.
Android: Open Google Messages App > Select your messaging conversation > Tap the ‘+’ button near the text field > Tap ‘Location’ > Choose ‘Precise location’ > Send this location via SMS.
If she refuses or stalls, consider it further reason to suspect her.
She should be where she said she was going, otherwise you have your evidence she’s hiding something.
Check Her Phone & Find Out if She Has a Second One
Spouses often have a lot of transparency, which can include access to each other’s phones.
So you can check her messages and photos for any incriminating evidence.
Cheaters will typically use a SEPARATE messaging service, so look out for those too.
Some might go to whole new lengths and get a separate burner phone to cover up their tracks.
So you might want to check recent purchases or check if she has a second phone hidden somewhere.
Create a Fake Social Media Account and Flirt With Them
Create an account on her favorite social media platform and set up a BELIEVABLE profile in a style which you believe to be her type.
Set your account to private so that you do not need to go through the effort of creating content for it.
Then proceeded to make contact and flirt with your wife indirectly via the fake account.
Again, it’s not pretty, but if you suspect your wife of lying to you and see no other way of finding out the truth, this is one of your options.
Pretend You’re Leaving Town for a Few Days
Find whatever excuse it is you need to, whether it’s a work trip or a short weekend with your friends.
Tell your wife that you’ll be gone for a few days, you’ll need to make it believable, with packing, a taxi picking you up, the whole deal.
You can then see if somebody comes to your home or track her whereabouts to see if she is about to meet someone to sleep with them.
She Is Definitely Sleeping With Someone Else, What Should I Do?
If you found concrete evidence or even caught your wife sleeping with someone else, you will likely be overwhelmed with emotions.
Ranging from anger, outrage, shock, despair, and feeling utterly devastated.
Marriage forms a cornerstone in our lives, if not the BEDROCK, so when that trust is misused and broken, it can leave you feeling utterly lost.
You’ll need to give yourself time to process what happened.
After which you are left with two options…
1. You Choose to Leave Her
Initially, this might feel like the one and only choice.
After all, she has broken your trust, humiliated you and emotionally scarred you for life.
So it makes sense you’d want to stop caring for someone who doesn’t care about you.
And for some men this is understandably their final decision…
They cannot see themselves staying with someone who would lie to them and hurt them so profoundly.
2. You Try to Rebuild Your Marriage
Days or weeks after matters have cooled down a little and the truth is finally out, you might find yourself not so clear about separation anymore.
Starting from scratch is a lot of work, both emotionally and pragmatically, and some people decide that their marriage is worth trying to save.
If you choose the latter, what is critical here is that you do not simply get back together.
You need to address her issues and the issues in your marriage that led to this devastating event.
This is where coaching can be of great help with an expert outsider’s perspective.
So if you want to give your marriage another shot but want to make sure you’re building it on truth and trust so that an experience like this never happens again…
You might also be interested in reading: When Is Enough Enough? How to Know When to Give Up and Let Go
I know this is not an easy reality to contend with, but you are on the right path in facing it and having the courage to deal with it.
If you have any questions or would like to share your story, write to me in the comment section, and I’ll get back to you.