Photo by Juliet Furst

Is your relationship what you expected it to be?

If you’re new around here, know that Karolina and I are all about long term relationships being loving and EXCITING!

Having said that, we have seen women feel uninspired and disappointed in their long term relationships.

They’re not what they hoped for them to be…

They’ve lost the excitement and the feeling of having found their soul mate and being totally connected with him.

And let me be honest with you here, long term relationships are not all fun and games.

There are less pleasant things about them that nobody likes to talk about or tell you.

So whether you’ve just started your first long term relationship and are beginning to realize things are not what you expected…

Or you’re a veteran and have gone through the realities of long-term relationships…

Let me reassure you, these things are a NORMAL part of any lasting relationship.

#1 Your Dynamic Changes When You Move From Dating to Long-Term

When Karolina and I went through this transition, we gradually started to realize that things felt different.

There was less excitement and unpredictability.

It felt like we were kind of ‘settling into’ our relationship.

Because we both understood that we want to be together for the long-term.

The courting phase took a back seat.

There was less uncertainty and fear of the other suddenly saying “Sorry, it’s not working for me.”

There was a really positive flipside of there being less excitement and unpredictability in our relationship though:

We actually felt safer and trusted each other more.

#2 You Will Experience Predictability and Boredom

Have you ever found yourself noticing that you knew exactly what he was going to say or do next?

You’ve been with him for so long now, that you’re already rolling your eyes, knowing the sentence or story he’s about to tell for the 100th time?

I won’t lie. It sucks.

It’s TERRIBLE to think you can see the rest of your life dully unfolding with him…

And wonder if you will ever experience the excitement you once had at the beginning of your relationship again.

But I’ve got GOOD news for you.

You actually can reclaim the honeymoon phase of your relationship and bring back the spark.

#3 A Lot of Your Time Will Be Spent Taking Care of Responsibilities

When you’re in a long-term relationship, your lives will gradually merge in some areas.

If you’ve recently decided to move in together, you’ll share the responsibilities of you’re home:

  • Cooking
  • Cleaning
  • Paying rent/mortgage
  • Laundry

Now, these aren’t the most exciting things to do in a relationship.

But responsibilities are simply a part of it and they unfortunately eat into your time.

To switch things up, we like to treat ourselves to events or go on dates (Whether it be during Spring, Summer or Winter) or sometimes have fun date night games.

#4 You Need To Make Proactive Efforts to Keep the Attraction Alive

Yup, we all need to roll up our sleeves and make efforts to keep the chemistry bubbling!

However, it’s not what you think.

In our case, we had a dull phase where the excitement seemed to evaporate between us…

But eventually, we came to realize that the old approach simply wasn’t working anymore, because we had CHANGED as people.

It wasn’t that all hope was lost and attraction could only be found with another person again.

It was that Karolina’s and my needs had EVOLVED and our romantic life had to as well.

#5 You Will Doubt Your Relationship With Him at Times

I can’t begin to tell you how many of our friends had expressed doubts about their choice of partner.

But let me reassure you.

It is perfectly normal and even healthy to doubt your relationship!

We both found that it was what actually made room for us to grow and move past old ways of relating to each other that weren’t working for us anymore.

#6 You Will Still Feel Attracted to Other People

Choosing to be in a long term relationship, doesn’t mean you won’t feel attracted to other people.

Attraction is not something we can really control.

Karolina and I talk as openly as we can about this.

It isn’t easy and can be very scary.

But ironically, after we talk about it we mostly feel CLOSER afterward!

Because we realize that being able to talk so openly about feeling attracted to somebody else is a testament to how much trust you can build with your partner!

Ultimately you can be madly in love with your partner and feel safe and secure…

EVEN IF either of you might feel attracted to other people from time to time.

#7 Your Connection Needs to Evolve to Keep Sex Exciting

As is with romance, so it is with sex.

In the title, I emphasized CONNECTION and not sex.

That’s because it is your connection to your man that directly informs your sex life the most.

Especially when you’ve been together for a longer time.

We’ve found that shifting our attention from certain acts…

To our CONNECTION and intention added FAR more excitement and satisfaction.

So it’s helpful to nourish your connection and keep getting to know each other.

One way you can do this is by giving him what all men want but might often not tell you about…

#8 The Changes You Hoped for Take Longer Than Expected

Do you ever wish your partner would change in any of the following areas?

  • He takes better care of his body
  • He gives you more attention
  • He’s successful in his endeavors
  • He listens to you and understands what you’re feeling

But these changes are only happening slowly or are not even happening?

It’s not uncommon for change to take longer than expected…

Things are generally more challenging and complex than he likely thinks and the additional curveballs life throws his way, slow him down even more.

I personally like to think that an attitude of perseverance is what makes or breaks success.

And you can have a far greater positive impact on his attitude than you might think.

#9 You Will Have External Pressure From Family and Friends

Do you want to be independent in life and make your own choices?

We certainly value our freedom A LOT.

But the reality is that both Karolina and I had TONS of external pressure from our families and also some from our friends.

Both of our families like to get involved and tell us what life and relationship decisions we should be making and when we should be making them.

You’re likely going to experience this kind of external pressure in a long term relationship.

So it’s important to find a healthy balance and boundaries.

Personally, we find ourselves the happiest when we prioritize our relationship and what we want.

#10 You Will Be Angry at Him Sometimes and Fight

Although unpleasant relationship arguments are actually HEALTHY! (When done right)

They are also an inevitable part of long term relationships.

We know from personal experience that in the heat of the moment, you often just want to quit and leave it all behind.

It can be incredibly painful after all…

Karolina and I had a lot of conflicts during the earlier stages of our relationship

But we eventually FINALLY learned how to stop fighting!

And even just REDUCING the amount of arguments you have can be a HUGE relief for your relationship.

Conclusion

There are many facets to long term relationships that are rarely talked about.

Being aware of them and learning to work with or around them is a skill that can greatly benefit your relationship.

Let me know if you have any questions about any of them.

And if you’d like to share your personal experiences or thoughts, drop us a comment below and we’ll get back to you.

Gabriel

Gabriel Brenner