Photo by Jonathan Borba

So you’re wondering what chemistry feels like for a man.

Whether you’re a woman who’s curious to know, or a guy who needs to understand his feelings for someone, I’ll help you get to the bottom of it.

And what better way to know what chemistry feels like for men, than hearing it FROM MEN themselves?

On the Subreddit AskMen (sources: 2,3,4) people were wondering the same as you were and asked the following questions about chemistry for men:

“What Does Chemistry Mean to You?”

And here’s what men answered:

1. You Feel Comfortable Being Vulnerable

“Chemistry is that feeling you get when you’re with your closest friend. You can be your true self, they can be their true self, and even in that vulnerable state, both parties are completely comfortable. If you can find a significant other that you connect with in that way, and they’re physically attractive, do whatever you can to hold on to them. Finding someone like that is rare.”

2. Chemistry Is a Dance

“Chemistry is about having a natural flow where the conversation just comes easily with someone. Chemistry is about connecting on a bunch of the little things and sharing the same quirks. Chemistry is a dance partner who can read your signals and either can follow your most complicated leads or can lead you to dance turns you didn’t even know existed.”

3. I Can Be Playful With Her

“I’ve met women where we’ll get along well, we each know where the other stands without having to explicitly say it, and the relationship just works. She can playfully give me crap and vice versa, but at the end of the day it’s all part of our flirting game. We enjoy getting a rise out of each other almost any way possible.”

4. Chemistry Is a Bond That Isn’t Easy to Break

“Chemistry with another person can come in a variety of ways. From sexual to romantic, chemistry occurs when two people just mesh well. They create a bond with each other that’s not easy to break. They work well with each other. You have good chemistry with someone when it takes very little effort to have a great night with each other and things just fall into place, almost as if they were meant to be.”

5. It Feels Like Comfort

“Have you ever had that warm feeling inside of you whenever you’re around your significant other? It feels like comfort. Or ever have that sensation where you hear a car pulling up, or someone climbing the stairs leading to your apartment, or hearing someone coming up to the door to your place, and you just know it’s your significant other? Yeah, that.”

The next question somebody asked was:

“How Do You Know When You and a Girl Have Chemistry?”

Some of the men’s answers were rather romantic:

6. You Feel Magnetically Drawn Together

“It feels like static electricity, the air is just alive and there is this tension that you can feel like magnetism drawing you to them.”

7. Conversation Flows Effortlessly

“I think it really depends on each person, but chemistry is one of those things that’s so hard to exactly define. It’s just a feeling you get where conversation flows continuously without effort, you have physical attraction towards each other, and communication on all levels seem to be on par.”

8. You Want to Hold Her Tight and Never Let Go

“Oh man, it’s so incredible. It’s like the two of us are one unit and whenever we’re not together we wish we were. Not in the “I should see here later.” sense, but in the “I want to hold her tight and never let go.” And the best part is that I know she feels the same way about me.”

9. Good Chemistry Is Not Just Sexual

“I found out I’m more attracted to their personality, and when that happens, I’m really attracted to them in other ways, especially in bed. Good chemistry is not just sexual, but it’s also when it’s easy to love them, and vice versa.”

“What Does Having ‘Chemistry’ With Someone Mean to You?”

Here’s what the guys had to say:

10. It’s When You Just Click

“I think it’s a combination of compatibility and attraction. When you’re naturally on the same page in both areas, and you just click. It’s such an intangible thing, though, it’s so hard to explain. It’s there, or it isn’t, and when it is, you just know.”

11. Chemistry Means Feeling Comfortable Around Someone

“It means I’m comfortable around them. It means my adrenaline rises around them. Conversation is easy, more importantly, I’m comfortable being in silence around them”

12. Being Able to Laugh Together

“Having the same sense of humor and enjoying the same types of conversations. My girlfriend and I have laughed at so many unfunny things together. My best friends and I always feel like we can have deep philosophical conversations that generally just aren’t sustained when attempted with other people.”

13. It’s More Than Sex

“Chemistry is when you wanna sleep with someone, and you also want to hang out with them when you’re not sleeping with them.”

14. Your Social Interactions Are Mutual

“It means the social interactions with that person are persistently mutual and intended; you are both provided the social interactions that are expected from each other. It is inherently recognizable from both people, as well as from others who know each person’s social cues well.”

15. They Show You Genuine Interest

“They say your name. They are nice to you. They speak with a friendly tone. They want to hear your opinion. If they see you in public, they will say hi and maybe spark up a conversation. They are never “busy” when you have something to talk to them about. They listen intently.”

The final question was:

“What Does It Feel Like to Have Undeniable Chemistry and Sexual Tension With Someone?”

And the men concluded with…

16. I Get Butterflies in My Stomach

“It does not happen that often, unfortunately. But when I meet someone with whom I immediately click, I get excited, like these butterfly in my stomach feeling (but it’s not necessarily love or sexual tension). This feeling emerges when our conversation gains a certain dynamic and feels enriching and exciting.”

17. You Will Never Forget Them

“I’ve experienced this ‘undeniable chemistry’ thing a few times. In one of said instances, I fell for her in a way that hasn’t been matched since – even with my marriage of 15yrs. With the others, it was either distance or age that got in the way .. but holy hell, these girls were amazing and will forever hold a special place in my cold-ass heart.”

And a final answer that brings it all to the point was:

“You know you have chemistry when you’re not questioning whether or not you have chemistry”

So you’ll definitely know it when you feel it. 😉

Now, there was a final additional question directly from you guys that I’d like to answer myself, which is…

What Causes Chemistry Between a Man and a Woman?

You can think of chemistry between a man and a woman as a reflection of compatibility.

Which means, the more compatible you are, the MORE INTENSE your chemistry will be.

And these are the most crucial areas of compatibility:

Physical Attraction

This is commonly the first area, since we SEE people first. It is also the most obvious one and means that the more physically attracted you are to each other, the more intense the chemistry.

Intellectual Attraction

This will be more important to some than others, but a lot of people love and appreciate an intellectual mind. Because they want to be with a person they can talk to for hours on whose company they can enjoy.

Emotional Attraction

You may have had the experience of initially finding someone incredibly attractive, but when they start to speak, their emotional immaturity becomes apparent, and it’s an instant turn-off for you. So emotional attraction also plays a big role in chemistry.

Complimentary Characters

As the old adage goes: opposites attract. Though it’s not a hard rule, it does help create tension and excitement! And complimentary characters mean that both woman and man will bring something to the table that the other deeply craves and is drawn to.

Shared Values & Desires

Finally, chemistry between two people can be made (or killed) depending on how compatible their values and desires are. This means having the same priorities and expectations from life, because if you don’t, it’s hard to work towards a common goal.

So what causes chemistry between a man and a woman is the degree of compatibility they share in the five areas mentioned above.

The more compatible, the brighter the flame of chemistry and attraction.

Whether you’re new or old here, I appreciate you reading and hope you found the answers from men about chemistry insightful.

If you have any further questions about chemistry in a relationship, you should check out our one-on-one coaching calls.

SimplyTogether Coaching CallsHere you can share your entire story, and we’ll go into the details to make sense of the chemistry you share with that special someone.

Click Here to Check Out Coaching.

You’ll likely also find my wife’s posts helpful to your situation:



Gabriel Brenner