What it means when you can’t stop obsessing over someone
And finally, how to stop obsessing over someone
Let’s get started.
What Causes You to Obsess Over Someone?
What causes you to obsess over someone is quite simply a NEED for safety and control.
Now, what do I mean by that?
Well, when there are countless factors in our lives that are out of our control, they make us feel powerless or helpless…
And obsessing over someone provides a form of the perfect escape.
Because the obsession is happening in your head, not reality.
And it’s a place in which you can imagine yourself and the person you obsess about, in a perfectly safe and controlled world.
A place with little risk of being hurt.
This is one of the reasons why you can’t stop thinking about him or her, and why it can feel SO GOOD and addictive.
It’s especially true, when you love them from afar, but more on that in a minute.
First, let’s cover…
What Are Signs of Obsession? – 12 Signs
While you can be obsessed with someone, it’s important to keep in mind that there are DEGREES of how obsessed you are.
The more intense your degree of obsession, the more of the signs will fit for you.
Before you dive in, give yourself a pat on the back for acknowledging that you’re dealing with obsessive behavior and are brave enough to face that!
We’re all human, and obsessing over someone for a period is not as rare a phenomenon as you might think.
It’s not just you.
Even though we’re talking about a particular individual in your life here…
Consider that, billions of people in this world obsess over actors and high-profile people that they will never even get a chance to meet, let alone talk to.
Your situation is probably about a person who’s actually in your life.
Now, here are the 12 signs of obsession:
1. You obsessively think about them
Yes, this is the most obvious sign of obsession.
And it’s when you obsessively think about someone in the morning, throughout your day, and before you fall asleep.
They live in your head rent-free and occupy most of it.
Whatever headspace remains untouched by them is reserved for basic tasks to keep your life running.
Like eating, sleeping and turning up to a job if you have to.
If this is someone you are actually in a relationship with, you might repeatedly call and text them frequently.
This would be driven by fear of them not feeling the same way and consequently that they might abandon you.
10. You simply know you are meant to be together
Earlier, I mentioned that you might have a hard time taking their “No” for an answer.
This is likely driven by a belief that the two of you are simply meant to be together and are destined for each other.
This is another definite sign of obsession, especially if you feel this way after only knowing them for a few weeks or months…
11. You feel safe obsessing from afar
Now, here comes the irony in all the obsessive behavior.
In my observation, it is often the case that people obsess over someone who is unlikely to reciprocate their affections to begin with!
Because the fantasy of the person is too perfect to be threatened by what the REALITY might be, if you two were to actually be in a relationship:
“What if it doesn’t work out the way I have it in my head?”
“What if they don’t like me after all?”
“What if they love me, but then change their mind?”
There are simply too many unknowns and potential lack of control.
So you might find yourself obsessing over someone that you suspect will likely reject you, because it’s safer to love from afar instead of finding a serious person.
12. They are at the center of your life
Depending on how strong your obsession with someone is, they might take center stage in your life.
This means that most of what you think about and do is for your obsession.
You do things FOR THEM and for the potential future of being together.
And this can become a bit more radical, to the point where you’ve cut off contact and reduced contact with family and friends, who ‘simply don’t understand.’
So, these were the 12 signs of how an obsessed person behaves.
Let’s move onto what this kind of obsession means and how you can finally stop it.
What Does It Mean When You Can’t Stop Obsessing Over Someone?
Obsession over someone can mean many different things, some of which include:
You really like and admire this person
You need a safe space to hide and have chosen a fantasy
You’ve created a perfect persona of your obsession, to not be confronted with reality who they truly might be
You might be terribly afraid of rejection from your obsession
You have some feelings for this person and think you should make a move
Regardless of your reason for constantly thinking of someone, you have three options, really:
You can continue obsessing over them: This one is pretty straightforward, just continue what you’re doing and enjoy the fantasy without it being reciprocated.
Try to get to know them: Spend time with them and get to know each other. This will likely break the perfect fantasy, but at least you will know whether you love him/her or are just obsessed.
Try to stop obsessing over them: Since this is the focus of this post, this is the point we are going to expand on, which brings us to…
How Do I Stop Obsessive Thinking About Someone – 10 Ways
Now we get to the bottom of the matter.
So we’ve talked about what causes you to obsess over someone, which is the need for safety and control.
We’ve also covered the 12 signs of obsession, some of which you likely identified with.
Now we finally get to the heart of the matter; how do you stop obsessing over someone who doesn’t want you?
These are the 10 ways to stop obsessing over someone:
1. Create distance from them
First and foremost, you need to create as much distance from your obsession as you can.
This is CRITICAL because without distance, It will be next to impossible to stop obsessing over them.
Since you will be trapped in the obsessive thoughts cycle, which can be somewhat addictive.
So in your own time, gradually create increased distance from them, even though it might first hurt.
2. Stop idolizing them, confront the reality instead
Next, you’ll need to face the reality that they are ONLY HUMAN.
Just like you.
As much as we would like to think that there is that perfect someone in the world waiting to make everything right in our lives…
The truth is, every individual (and couple for that matter) has struggles that they need to overcome.
Nobody and no relationship is perfect.
So it’s important to realize that the person you are obsessing over has their own challenges and limits.
You just don’t know about them.
And the way you fantasized about them in an ideal world, is unfortunately just that, a fantasy.
3. Stop going to places they frequent
If there are places that you know they frequent, or you have previously met in, you’ll want to AVOID THEM where possible.
This will prevent you from accidentally bumping into them and in addition will prevent triggers to thinking about them.
If you are not in a position to do so, due to a shared work environment for example…
Then reduce your interactions with him to whatever degree possible without compromising your professional integrity.
4. Stop stalking them
This is the mirror opposite of one of the excessive signs we covered earlier.
You basically need to stop stalking them in real life or even online.
Gone are the days of you spending your free time obsessing over their lives and what they do.
If you have things that keep reminding you of them, like personal items or memorabilia, you’ll want to get rid of them.
In case that is too painful, at least pack them up and hide them somewhere in a closet or attic.
This will also help reduce thoughts of them, and you’ll be able to focus on yourself and your things instead.
6. Spend time socializing
This is a very helpful way to stop obsessing over someone.
Social interaction is one of the most occupying and stimulating distractions you can do to stop obsessing over someone.
Whether it’s with friends, family or acquaintances, anything to preoccupy yourself with other people will help you.
This kind of company will ground you and help you be in the present moment more.
Feel free to exclude people that you connect with your obsession.
7. Start a new social hobby
This takes the previous idea of socializing to another level.
The same idea applies, with the added benefit of an activity to keep your mind off the person you obsess over, and instead, busy with what you’re doing with others.
I can personally recommend hiking, dancing, traveling, and sports activities with others.
All are fantastic and effective ways to stop obsessing over someone.
But find which social activity speaks to you and go for it.
8. Participate in speed dating
There is nothing less committal yet stimulating than speed dating.
This can work very well because of the social factor, but the real reason I recommend it is that it will be a reality check.
And this is not about meeting someone new.
Instead, when you spend five minutes getting to know someone, and then you meet the next person and do the same 20 times over…
You’ll start to notice that they all have flaws, quirks, can be awkward, uninteresting and maybe even unpleasant.
It will confront you with the reality of what people are like in the real world, not in a fantasy.
Which of course also applies to the person you’re trying to stop obsessing over, which will make it increasingly difficult to hold them up on their pedestal.
9. You will be okay without them
I know, I know, they were your one and only, someone uniquely special with whom you’d share indefinite happiness.
But the truth is, you were okay BEFORE they came into your life.
And you will be OKAY without them again.
Do you remember that thing you were obsessed about having in your life, that was going to FIX that problem of yours?
Then you got that thing, and now it’s sitting somewhere in your home probably forgotten, and you’ve moved onto other items of interest?
If you’re thinking to yourself: “should I text him first or not?”, then chances are a guy you like hasn’t been paying enough attention to you lately!
Maybe you guys just went out on a date, and you are eager for him to already start arranging the next one…
Or maybe you’re together, and you need him to make more effort and prove to you that he does actually care about you.
Another possibility is that you’re broken up, and you hoped that doing no contact will bring him back already, but it didn’t…
Regardless of what your circumstances are, one thing is for sure: he is leaving you hanging for a reason.
What his motives are exactly, why he is treating you this way, depends on the circumstances you guys are in.
In this article, I’ll cover all the most common scenarios and what the rules for texting are in those situations.
But before jumping into the details, I first want to give you a general principle on how to balance texting in a way that will encourage any man to make more effort.
Should I Text Him First – Rule of Thumb
When wondering whether you should text him first or not, remember the last exchange you guys had: who initiated it?
If you were the one to text him first last time, it’s best that you wait for now.
But if he reached out to you last, then it’s definitely time for you to return the gesture and text him first this time.
The rule of thumb when it comes to texting is to try to balance out the amount of effort that both of you are putting in into making things work.
By doing it, you can make sure that you’re not just chasing him all the time and letting him take you for granted.
You have to be willing to leave room for him to make the effort and SHOW YOU that he does care and wants to make things happen.
At the same time, women can sometimes come across as distant and reserved without intending to do so. This is why keeping a healthy balance and initiating contact, just as much as he is, is so crucial.
This way, you can also show him that you care too and that he isn’t the only one making all the effort, either.
Is It Bad to Text a Guy First Everyday?
In most cases, yes, it is bad to text a guy first every day.
As long as you’re doing this, you’re spoiling him. You’re showering him with attention without him having to lift a finger for it.
Moreover, doing this might make you come across as needy or controlling.
It’s ok to text him first in the morning, every other day, though!
If he genuinely likes you, he will reciprocate your efforts. But you might need to teach him to do so by simply waiting for him to make the next move.
What Happens When You Don’t Text Him First?
Generally speaking, not texting a guy first allows you to find out where he is truly at. You’re leaving him room to show you his true colors.
Men aren’t very different from women in this regard.
What he’ll think when you don’t text him is: “What happened, did she change her mind about me?”
It’s often easy to keep on chasing a guy and let him get away without him making more effort by making up excuses for him:
“Oh he is just really busy with work right now.”
“Maybe he is just too stressed out.“
The truth of the matter is, if he truly cares about you, he will reach out to you sooner or later.
But you have to give him space, to show you where he is really at, though!
Many of our coaching clients are hesitant with this step because they struggle with a very strong fear that if they’re not going to make an effort and initiate, they’ll just never hear from their guy again.
And if you really never hear from a guy ever again just because you didn’t text him first, he was never serious about you to BEGIN WITH!
I Want to Text Him, but I Know I Shouldn’t
I already briefly talked about this resistance many of us women have when it comes to facing the reality where men are truly at and how much they really care about you.
If you want to text a guy but know that you shouldn’t, then you can already sense that you’ve been chasing him.
Or he has been extra defensive and rebellious towards you.
Regardless of where he is at, if you feel like you shouldn’t text him first, DON’T.
If he cares about you, he’ll text you next. And if he doesn’t, chasing him won’t change that.
It’ll only drive him away faster.
5 Scenarios When You Should Text Him First
Alright, so I’ve covered all the most common situations when you shouldn’t text a man first.
Now it’s time to switch gears and talk about all the other times when it’s ok or even NEEDED for you to make the first move.
Some of these are scenarios typical to early stages of dating, while others are common among couples in a relationship or after a breakup.
1. You Can Text a Guy First After a Date
First and foremost, you can absolutely text a guy first after a date. We live in the 21st century, it’s perfectly acceptable for a woman to make a move!
By doing this, you’ll be showing him that you’re interested in him and possibly want more.
Plus, you might even need to text him first, if the guy you’re into is very shy or afraid of rejection.
2. You Should Text Him First After a Month of Not Talking
This is another scenario typical for early stages of dating or relationship. Let’s say you were talking to a guy, but then things somehow just fizzled out.
Maybe something came in between and made you lose touch with one another.
Now a month or more has passed, and you’re still wondering:
Does he care? Is he still interested?
There is no point waiting any longer and hoping that he’ll reach out to you. You should just text him first to find out where he is truly at.
If he responds and makes an effort to keep the conversation going, it means you still have a chance.
3. It’s Better to Text Him First After an Argument
This scenario applies to couples in a relationship or freshly broken up.
If you just had a fight with your boyfriend, keep in mind that there are always two sides to every argument. You’re hurt about things, he is hurt about other things.
It’s all a mess.
Reaching out to a guy after an argument can be like a gesture of peace.
(As long as you’re not attacking him or trying to convince him to see things your way, of course…)
Still, it’s always better to try to talk things out, rather just give him space and hope that he will miraculously start seeing the error in his ways.
Because he won’t.
Which brings me to my next point…
4. Text Him First When You Know He Is Struggling With Something
When a guy is depressed or struggling with something, his first response can be to ask you for space. In some cases, he might even request a relationship break or break up completely.
To you, it might feel like he is pushing you away in his moment of need.
Well, that’s because he most likely is!
Men have a hard time showing weakness. They worry it makes them unattractive and that you might want to leave because of it.
So they try to preempt the strike and withdraw first.
If he asked you for space, you need to respect it.
But if you haven’t heard from him in a week, and you know he is struggling with something, nothing stands in the way of you just checking in.
Text him first and ask how he is doing. He’ll appreciate it and feel slightly less alone with his problems.
5. Definitely Text Him First After No Contact
If you did not contact after a breakup, chances are you were doing it to get your ex back.
The problem with cutting a guy off without any explanation is that they might interpret your rejection as you not caring about them.
I know this might sound ridiculous, but men can be extremely sensitive in this regard.
If you did no contact, but your ex didn’t bite, and you haven’t heard from him ever since, there is no point waiting any longer.
He most likely believes you intend on moving on and is doing the same thing himself.
So it might be best to clarify this misunderstanding as soon as possible by texting him first.
How Often Should I Text Him to Keep Him Interested
Regardless whether you’re dating, in a relationship or broken up, maintaining an open communication channel is crucial to keep things going.
Contrary to what they claim, guys don’t actually have an unlimited amount of confidence. They need encouragement to keep on pursuing you!
If they don’t think you’re really interested, they’ll just give up sooner or later.
This is why it’s so important that you do text him first every now and then.
At the same time, you have to try to gauge where he is at and not overload him with unwanted attention. If he is not as interested as you’d like him to be, overtexting him is not going to change that.
You’ll be only letting him take you for granted and reject you over and over again.
This is why you need to match his efforts and leave him room to come your way at his own pace.
If you need help making sense of the situation you’re in, we can figure it out with you in a 1-1 coaching call.
Here, we’ll listen to your story and explain and interpret all the strange male behaviors.
We’ll also give you tips on what to do to test him, so that you can know for sure where his heart is really at.
If you’re wondering why you still feel connected to your ex, the first part of the answer is surprisingly simple:
It is because you are STILL connected to your ex.
The second part is that there are different reasons for that, which we’ll cover in a minute.
But it’s worth mentioning that that connection can be a good or bad thing.
In this post, I’m going to cover exactly why you still feel connected to your ex and whether you should reconnect.
We’ll also cover how the dynamic between exes works and some things you can do to either move on, or try to get back together with them.
Depending on what you want…
But let’s start with the basics:
Why Am I Drawn Back to My Ex?
When you break up with your ex, that’s it, right?
You’ve broken up, it’s over, and the connection is severed. You can turn the page and start your life as though they never existed.
Wrong.
That’s (unfortunately) not how human connection works.
And certainly not how connections work with an intimate ex-partner!
The deeper the bond was, the more you will still feel connected to your ex. That is why you still have feelings for your ex, even years after.
It’s a story I have heard plenty of times with my coaching clients and in your emails:
A couple breaks up because things are no longer working between them, they are simply overwhelmed with all the fights, and they feel emotionally at their LIMIT
They spend time apart and move on with their lives (or try to).
As the months or even years pass, the dust settles and what once felt like a battlefield of hurt and pain, now seems more like an imperfect but fond and safe place.
The old flame is rekindled, and you find yourself asking ‘Why do I still feel connected to my ex?’
This is also why you might miss your ex MORE as time goes on.
If you’re new here, you may not know that Karolina’s and my story is very much along these lines.
Since we know this pattern so well, and are familiar with the journey that couples go through to get back together, we now help people with this exact situation.
And as mentioned, you still feel connected to your ex because emotional bonds run very deep.
We are social beings and no matter how much we might deny our attachments, it doesn’t diminish or undo them.
They still have a huge influence on us and steer our decisions emotionally, whether we like it or not.
So if you find yourself still feeling your ex, or can’t stop thinking about your ex from years ago…
Don’t be hard on yourself about it.
It is perfectly normal to still feel feelings for someone that played an important part in your life.
6 Reasons Why You Might Still Feel Connected to Your Ex
Now, there are plenty of reasons why you might still feel connected to your ex.
But there are some major themes that we see repeating with our clients, and these are the top six that might fit for you as well:
1. Your breakup was not that long ago
Your connection (as well as pain) will be at its strongest shortly after your breakup.
So if your breakup was months, let alone weeks ago, it makes perfect sense that you still feel connected to your ex.
As time goes on, you will find yourself feeling a growing distance between you and your ex.
But this generally requires limiting contact. Or in the case of a toxic relationship, cutting off all contact to protect yourself.
Only then will you feel your connection to your ex gradually fade.
2. Your ex hurt you
No relationship is perfect. And people break up because they are hurting too much to try to continue the relationship.
I dare say, there is a good chance that your ex hurt you…
It may have been malicious, it may have been unknowingly, but these kinds of painful experiences can also make us feel connected to our ex in a way that is not good for us.
It’s that pain, that also feels good, because at least it makes us still feel connected to our ex.
But you should know that even this kind of connection fades, especially if your ex suddenly decides to move on.
3. You’re still in touch
Trying to not feel connected to an ex while being in touch is virtually impossible.
Even if it’s limited to texting from time to time.
Our connections run deep, and any contact with an ex only helps that bond resurface and strengthen.
So in case you are truly trying to get over your ex, know that staying in touch will make that VERY difficult.
So this is another reason you might still feel connected to your ex.
4. You’re only reminiscing the positives
When we have more distance from our ex, it’s easy to forget the bad and start seeing the past in a positive light.
Accepting that they are gone now is difficult, so it makes sense that we daydream about how great things were.
Especially since we are trying to fill a void with the absence of our ex.
Doing this will of course also make you think about your ex so much and feel connected to them.
So it’s important to try to keep a realistic and healthy balance of seeing things as they were rather than how we would have liked them to be.
5. You’re not ready to let go
Getting over an ex is NOT easy.
It’s especially difficult if you were together for a long time.
You will have spent countless hours, days, weeks, months, and even years together.
Full of memories, events and very special moments that both of you shared.
When you have so much time with someone, you form a strong bond, so it’s understandable that you might not be ready to let go of that.
This is one of the BIGGEST reasons people still feel connected to their ex.
Truly accepting a breakup takes time, and you deserve all the time in the world to grieve if you intend to move on from your ex.
6. You’re quite simply soulmates
Everybody has relationships in their lives.
But nobody would argue that some aren’t more special than others.
And so it is with intimate relationships.
Sometimes you just meet someone so special with whom you have an instant connection, and you can feel in your bones that this is your soulmate.
And as we repeatedly say here on our blog, couples often break up not because they are incompatible, but because they didn’t have the tools to overcome the roadblock they were facing.
So it is possible that you and your ex are soulmates and that is why you still feel connected to them.
How Do You Know if Your Ex Is Still Thinking About You?
Now, if you’ve been wondering why you’ve been thinking so much about your ex lately, it is only natural to wonder whether your ex is still thinking about you TOO.
It’s pretty common, since the previous point I made, about still feeling connected to an ex, applies to them too.
And the good news is, there are signs to help you know your ex isn’t over you!
Here are a few to look out for:
They still have your things at their place and aren’t trying to give them back
They aren’t dating anyone new
They keep on texting or calling you as though you were still together
They talk to others about you
And if you want to be really sure about whether your ex still feels connected to you too…
Yes, your ex can absolutely fall in love with you again.
Not only does human connection run very deep, once you have connected with someone, it is much easier to pick things up where you left off.
You can think of it as riding a bicycle, it’s something that you may not do for YEARS.
But give yourself an hour, and you’ll pick it up as though it was yesterday. It’ll be like you’d never forgotten how to ride it.
The point being, although things may initially be awkward and a little jarring, ex-couples find each other pretty quickly, because the patterns are already established.
So in case of your ex, that would mean you are in an advantageous position with your shared history and have good chances of your ex falling in love with you again.
But it is important to evaluate whether your relationship was healthy and consequently whether the connection you still feel to your ex is a positive one.
(Especially if you are flirting with the idea of getting back together with your ex.)
So if you were experiencing any of the following in your with your ex, I would NOT recommend reconnecting with them:
Physical abuse
Repeated verbal abuse
If you had repeated psychological breakdowns
If you felt worthless or depressed
If there was emotional manipulation and gaslighting
Sorry to get so dark, but it’s an unfortunate reality of more relationships than you might imagine.
But if you can exclude the above and feel like the connection with your ex is a special one, then nothing stands in the way, and you should absolutely reconnect with them.
A word of caution, though.
Too many people get so caught up with their own emotions of love and wanting to reconnect with their ex, that they entirely forget to take their ex’s perspective and feelings into account.
Because they may not feel the same way you do.
Or they are holding grudges that need to be dealt with before you can successfully reconnect.
This is why it is so important to approach your ex carefully and with the right message.
It is what will maximize your chances of winning them over and giving a relationship another shot.
If that is something you would like help with, check out our Ex Back Coaching.
In a call, we listen to your relationship history and based on that and your ex’s character, we lay out a strategic plan for you to get your ex back for good.
We’ll give you tips on what to say and do to get them to fall back in love with you and want to commit to you again.
I hope you found this post helpful, and got the orientation you needed.
Thank you for reading, and if you have any comments or questions about still feeling connected to your ex, you can leave them down below and I will get back to you.
Yes, this is one of the clearest signs your ex can give you that indicate they are becoming interested in you again.
Whether they are “accidentally” brushing your hand as you walk side-by-side, or they want to hold your cheek tenderly in their hand.
All of these gestures are clear indications of a rekindling connection
and interest from their side.
16. Your ex wants to sleep with you
I’ve saved the most obvious one for last, but it should come as no surprise.
If your ex wants to be in bed with you again, they are most definitely becoming interested in you again.
Sleeping with your ex is one of the fastest ways to get back together with them.
So if you two are interested in being intimate again, consider this a big step in giving your relationship another shot.
These are the most common signs to look out for that your ex is becoming interested again.
Don’t expect a perfect track record, breakups are messy and getting back together can be the same.
But a lot of the signs should hold true when your ex is wanting you again.
I hope your ex gives you the signs you are looking for and that things work out between you guys!
And if your ex is someone very special to you, and you want to ensure you get them back, definitely check out Ex Back Coaching.
In a call, you can share your story, and we’ll piece clues together that you may have missed. After that, we’ll get to formulating a solid strategy to get your ex back for you.
We’ll give you tips on what to say and do, to get them to try harder and want to commit to you again.
Have you just had some of your hopes shattered or your heart broken for what feels like a millionth time, and it made you wonder:
“Why do I get attached so easily?!”
I am a person who gets attached a lot, and I have a very hard time letting go.
I used to hold onto people and things, feel responsible, take the blame for when something didn’t work out etc…
So I know, from my own personal experience, how difficult of a problem our attachments can become.
On one hand, getting attached can be a sign of great strength. It allows you to build meaningful connections.
But on the other hand, it can also become your greatest weakness.
It might make you let our guard down prematurely and expose yourself to being burned time and time again.
And these kinds of bad experiences will inevitably take a toll on your self-esteem, mental health and overall well-being.
This is why in this blog post I will tell you more about my own journey of why I struggled with getting attached so easily and how I learned to manage it.
1. You Have a False Idea About How Love Works
The number why reason why people can become attached to someone they barely know is because of all the false preconceptions about love we’re being fed all the time.
Books, movies, series and even other people sell this idea that when you meet the one, you instantly feel the spark and know that this is the person you’ll want to spend the rest of your life with.
In reality, love doesn’t work this way at all.
You can absolutely feel attracted to someone at first sight! But it takes time to get to know someone enough, for real feelings to develop between the two of you.
You can’t truly love someone you don’t really know.
If you fall in love fast and easily, chances are, rather than taking your time to get to know your crush, you’re creating an idea of who this person is in your head.
Unfortunately, doing this is a recipe for disaster.
It’s like driving blindfolded, hoping that the road ahead is straight and clear.
And it never is…
I used to think in those terms too and kept on making this very mistake over and over again.
I had to learn how to recognize the signs of true love, to be actually able to finally meet my soulmate and make things work with him.
2. You’ve Been Made to Trust Blindly
Another big reason why you might be getting attached so easily is because you were never taught how to actually build trust.
Much like when it comes to love, there are also a lot of false preconceptions about how trust works too!
In fact, most people tend to mistake trust for blind faith.
This is why they so often say things like “I just need you to trust me” or “why can’t you just trust me?”
Truth of this matter is, trust is not a choice, it’s a feeling.
And you can’t make yourself feel something.
One of the shocking discoveries I’ve made on my journey of fixing my own attachment style was that I actually had a lot of trust issues.
What’s more, I was trying to simply override them the whole time, all by jumping into commitments blindly.
Because of this, I never got a chance to build real trust and inevitably ended up becoming anxious, desperate and needy.
Becoming aware of, and overcoming your trust issues, might be the very thing you need to do, to stop yourself from getting attached too quickly.
3. You’re Eager to Get People to Like You
Another reason why you might be getting attached so easily, could be because maybe you’re just so eager to get people to become attached to you too.
A lot of us do vulnerable things in the hopes of our efforts being reciprocated.
I used to hope that me being open, giving and caring will ensure that people will treat me the same way I treated them. I would start liking someone quickly, hoping that it will make them like me back.
Unfortunately, this was not always the case.
I would put myself out there, only for my vulnerability to just get exploited.
What’s more, you can’t control other people’s feelings.
Which brings me to the next point…
4. You Might Be Trying to Create a Very Particular Outcome
Another big reason why you might be getting attached so easily is because you’re trying to create a very particular outcome.
This used to be the case for me.
I was so invested into the whole true love narrative, it led me to become insecure and controlling.
I had a very clear idea of how relationships should unfold, and I was trying to push things that way.
But just like you can’t make someone feel a certain way, the same way, you can’t force them to commit.
What’s more, trying to do so will eventually drive them away.
So if you find yourself becoming clingy so fast, consider you might be trying to control the situation and the outcome of your relationship.
5. Someone Is Making You Chase Them
There is actually a flip side to this whole dynamic…
This is something I first realized in my own relationship, but also observed among a lot of our coaching clients.
There are two sides to every story.
The reason you might be falling in love and getting attached so easily, is because you keep on picking partners who are making you chase them all the time.
Or they were giving you all these signals of how much they care about you, only to then ask for space.
They’re hot and cold. Giving you mixed messages. Leaving you doubtful and confused.
If this is the case, keep in mind that they wanted you to get attached and are now keeping you hooked.
Is It Normal to Get Attached to Someone Quickly?
Now that you have a better understanding of why people get attached fast, you might still be wondering: is being easily attached bad?
The unfortunate answer is, yes, generally speaking, it is bad.
It’s not normal to let yourself be this vulnerable right away.
Even though it might feel good, opening yourself up and letting yourself get invested fast is setting yourself up for being hurt.
You need to give yourself time to get to know the person you’re with, build trust with them, and give them room to go at their own pace.
As you go through these stages, you’ll find yourself gradually getting more and more attached in a deep and fulfilling way.
But do we choose who and when we fall in love with, you might ask…
I used to think in those terms too. But it only made me feel and act as though I was a victim of the circumstances I was in.
The thing is, even though we do not have control over our feelings, we have the ability to question limiting beliefs that are hurting us.
You have to be willing to see that you might be stuck in an unhealthy emotional attachment. Which is a way of getting attached that results in a lot of pain and drives people away from you.
Once you see it in this new perspective, that’s when you’ll be able to put things into question and regain control over when and how fast you fall in love. I’ll go more into this in my next point:
How Do I Stop Getting Attached So Quickly?
The secret to stopping yourself from getting attached so easily is not to try to resist it or control it, but by questioning the beliefs that are making you act this way.
These are the five reasons why you get attached so easily:
1. You Have a False Idea About How Love Works
2. You’ve Been Made to Trust Blindly
3. You’re Eager to Get People to Like You
4. You Might Be Trying to Create a Very Particular Outcome
5. Someone Is Making You Chase Them
Getting attached so fast is not normal and will only make you get hurt over and over again. What’s more, you can’t make others become attached to you, no matter how hard you try.
You need to truly realize this in order to be able to regain control over your love life.
You can stop yourself from being needy and desperate when you truly see there is no need for it and that it’s never going to get you the results you were hoping for.
Furthermore, you have to protect yourself and put your own well-being first.
Someone who truly loves and cares about you will respect this and continue pursuing you, even when you’re more doubtful and aren’t chasing them the whole time.
If you’ve been struggling with getting attached too fast so much, that it still ends up sabotaging your love life, this is something either my husband or I can help you with in a coaching call.
Here, we will give you the right kind of reassurance, so that you can calm down and let things unfold at their own pace.
We will also tell you what you can do, to flip the dynamic in your relationship. This way, you can get your significant other to chase you for a change.
How can you know if and when your soulmate is thinking of you?
More traditional experts will tell you that it’s when you get hiccups, goosebumps, keep on sneezing, dream about your soulmate and keep on thinking about them, etc.
These kinds of signs can absolutely be true! But these were all ways of telling your soulmate is thinking about from before the smartphone era.
You see, our devices offer a much greater insight into our minds than most of us realize!
Not only can they reveal what someone might be thinking about, but they also allow for people to deduce a lot about each other from their behavior online.
All the signs mentioned in this post are things our coaching clients keep on getting baffled by. They are extremely common. Yet they’re not often spoken about…
They’re all very real, tangible ways of recognizing that your soulmate is thinking of you in 2022.
1. Your Phone Battery Keeps on Draining Very Fast
When you truly deeply care about someone, you often miss them throughout the day. One way how your soulmate can feel closer to you without actually getting in touch is by checking your location.
So if you’ve been feeling guilty about stalking your soulmate’s location, don’t!
They are likely doing it to you too! Everybody does it!
It’s a way of checking in with someone, without actually revealing that you’re doing it.
Well there is one way to tell when somebody does it…
You see, checking someone’s locations actually drains their battery.
So if your phone keeps on dying unreasonably fast sometimes, know it’s a sign your soulmate is potentially thinking of you and checking where you’re at.
2. Your Soulmate Posts Something Romantic
Another typical sign that your soulmate is thinking of you is when they post something romantic. This could mean a photo of the sunset, a song, quote etc.
Even though it might be a public post available to all of their friends or followers, it was made with a particular person in mind. It’s a way of expressing their feelings and reaching out to you indirectly.
It’s a definite sign your soulmate is thinking of you and likely missing you in that very moment.
3. They Post a Lot, in General
This is another variation of the previous sign. Some people have a harder time expressing romantic feelings. This is why they might keep their posts more neutral.
Social media is a great channel for getting attention.
So if your soulmate has been posting a lot more lately, know that they might be doing it because they are thinking of you and trying to impress you.
4. You Keep On Bumping Into Each Other
This is another classic behavior that’s extremely common, but people still get surprised by it.
Have you unexpectedly bumped into your soulmate recently and thought to yourself: “What are the odds? Clearly, the universe wants us to be together.”
Well, it’s not just the universe who is making this happen….
Technology nowadays allows us to predict where a person is going to be without arranging for them to be there.
Maybe your soulmate checked your schedule or the events you are going to.
If they unexpectedly bumped into you, it’s not necessarily a coincidence.
It could also be a sign that they are thinking of you and wanted to maximize their chances of seeing you again.
5. They Like Your Old Posts on Social Media
This is another classic soulmate behavior that leaves people puzzled and confused:
Has your special someone recently liked some really old posts of yours?
Maybe this made you wonder: “Why would they do this? Did they really scroll through my profile this far back?”
Checking out someone’s social media profile allows you to feel closer to them without having to reach out. It’s also a way to learn more about a person.
So if your soulmate liked some really old posts of yours recently, know that it’s a sign they are thinking of you and craving to feel closer.
6. They’re the First Person to React to Your Posts
When you deeply care about someone, you’re also very eager to express your support and appreciation for that person.
One way your soulmate can do this is by quickly reacting to everything you post.
It’s a sign they are thinking of you, maybe even hovering over your profile, waiting to hear from you again.
7. They Know Things About You, You Haven’t Told Them About
When you’re really in love with someone, you’re desperate to get to know them better. But it’s not always easy to ask them questions directly.
Our online presence as well as our friends are like a database of information about us.
If your soulmate knows things about you, you haven’t told them about, it’s a sign that they are thinking of you, studying your social media or talking to your friends about you.
What Does a Soulmate Connection Feel Like?
I hope you enjoyed these very real 7 signs your soulmate is thinking of you in 2022. Meeting your soulmate can be extremely exhilarating. But at the same time, it can be very vulnerable to feel this way about another person.
It’s only natural for you to want to be sure that your soulmate cares and is thinking of you just as much as you are.
This kind of connection tends to be a bit of a rollercoaster, with lots of ups and downs.
Ultimately, though, what makes it so special is this deep sense of understanding you likely feel with this other person. It just feels right and things fall into place.
A soulmate connection feels like home.
Despite all the uncertainties, you have a feeling of peace, safety and security because you know how special and rare it is to feel this way about someone.
If you’re looking for more reassurance if your significant other really is your soulmate, check out my other post: 9 Signs of True Love From a Man
And on a different note, the whole topic of soulmates can actually be a rather difficult one. This is why down below I’m going to address some questions you guys have been asking about.
Do Soulmates End up Together?
This is something I was asking myself when my husband and I started dating. I knew that we had a very special connection, but I wasn’t sure if it meant that we will get together or not and if it was going to last.
Intense feelings tend to trigger a lot of emotions. This is why soulmate relationships tend to be accompanied by a certain degree of drama.
So much so, it might even lead to breakups, especially in the first few years of the relationship.
This was true for my husband and I, as well as a lot of our coaching clients. We broke up and got back together multiple times.
Ultimately though, soulmate connection is extremely strong, this is why in most cases soulmates do end up together.
Even if they break up, they won’t be able to resist it and will find a way back to each other.
How Do You Feel When Your Soulmate Leaves You
When your soulmate leaves you, you’re sad and often even devastated. But at the same time you will likely feel a lot of disbelief.
This can’t be it?
How can they do this to me?
They can’t possibly really mean or want it?
Your soulmate leaving you often feels like a mistake.
That it’s not what was supposed to happen, and that things aren’t over yet.
We always believed that relationships should be FUN and uplifting! And we were obsessed with finding real-world practical solutions for our relationship problems. Today we help others do the same with our blog.
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