If you’re wondering why you still feel connected to your ex, the first part of the answer is surprisingly simple:
It is because you are STILL connected to your ex.
The second part is that there are different reasons for that, which we’ll cover in a minute.
But it’s worth mentioning that that connection can be a good or bad thing.
In this post, I’m going to cover exactly why you still feel connected to your ex and whether you should reconnect.
We’ll also cover how the dynamic between exes works and some things you can do to either move on, or try to get back together with them.
Depending on what you want…
But let’s start with the basics:
Why Am I Drawn Back to My Ex?
When you break up with your ex, that’s it, right?
You’ve broken up, it’s over, and the connection is severed. You can turn the page and start your life as though they never existed.
That’s (unfortunately) not how human connection works.
And certainly not how connections work with an intimate ex-partner!
The deeper the bond was, the more you will still feel connected to your ex. That is why you still have feelings for your ex, even years after.
It’s a story I have heard plenty of times with my coaching clients and in your emails:
A couple breaks up because things are no longer working between them, they are simply overwhelmed with all the fights, and they feel emotionally at their LIMIT
They spend time apart and move on with their lives (or try to).
As the months or even years pass, the dust settles and what once felt like a battlefield of hurt and pain, now seems more like an imperfect but fond and safe place.
The old flame is rekindled, and you find yourself asking ‘Why do I still feel connected to my ex?’
This is also why you might miss your ex MORE as time goes on.
If you’re new here, you may not know that Karolina’s and my story is very much along these lines.
Since we know this pattern so well, and are familiar with the journey that couples go through to get back together, we now help people with this exact situation.
And as mentioned, you still feel connected to your ex because emotional bonds run very deep.
We are social beings and no matter how much we might deny our attachments, it doesn’t diminish or undo them.
They still have a huge influence on us and steer our decisions emotionally, whether we like it or not.
So if you find yourself still feeling your ex, or can’t stop thinking about your ex from years ago…
Don’t be hard on yourself about it.
It is perfectly normal to still feel feelings for someone that played an important part in your life.
6 Reasons Why You Might Still Feel Connected to Your Ex
Now, there are plenty of reasons why you might still feel connected to your ex.
After all, relationships are complicated and nuanced.
But there are some major themes that we see repeating with our clients, and these are the top six that might fit for you as well:
1. Your breakup was not that long ago
Your connection (as well as pain) will be at its strongest shortly after your breakup.
So if your breakup was months, let alone weeks ago, it makes perfect sense that you still feel connected to your ex.
As time goes on, you will find yourself feeling a growing distance between you and your ex.
But this generally requires limiting contact. Or in the case of a toxic relationship, cutting off all contact to protect yourself.
Only then will you feel your connection to your ex gradually fade.
2. Your ex hurt you
No relationship is perfect. And people break up because they are hurting too much to try to continue the relationship.
I dare say, there is a good chance that your ex hurt you…
It may have been malicious, it may have been unknowingly, but these kinds of painful experiences can also make us feel connected to our ex in a way that is not good for us.
It’s that pain, that also feels good, because at least it makes us still feel connected to our ex.
But you should know that even this kind of connection fades, especially if your ex suddenly decides to move on.
3. You’re still in touch
Trying to not feel connected to an ex while being in touch is virtually impossible.
Even if it’s limited to texting from time to time.
Our connections run deep, and any contact with an ex only helps that bond resurface and strengthen.
So in case you are truly trying to get over your ex, know that staying in touch will make that VERY difficult.
So this is another reason you might still feel connected to your ex.
4. You’re only reminiscing the positives
When we have more distance from our ex, it’s easy to forget the bad and start seeing the past in a positive light.
Accepting that they are gone now is difficult, so it makes sense that we daydream about how great things were.
Especially since we are trying to fill a void with the absence of our ex.
Doing this will of course also make you think about your ex so much and feel connected to them.
So it’s important to try to keep a realistic and healthy balance of seeing things as they were rather than how we would have liked them to be.
5. You’re not ready to let go
Getting over an ex is NOT easy.
It’s especially difficult if you were together for a long time.
You will have spent countless hours, days, weeks, months, and even years together.
Full of memories, events and very special moments that both of you shared.
When you have so much time with someone, you form a strong bond, so it’s understandable that you might not be ready to let go of that.
This is one of the BIGGEST reasons people still feel connected to their ex.
Truly accepting a breakup takes time, and you deserve all the time in the world to grieve if you intend to move on from your ex.
6. You’re quite simply soulmates
Everybody has relationships in their lives.
But nobody would argue that some aren’t more special than others.
And so it is with intimate relationships.
Sometimes you just meet someone so special with whom you have an instant connection, and you can feel in your bones that this is your soulmate.
And as we repeatedly say here on our blog, couples often break up not because they are incompatible, but because they didn’t have the tools to overcome the roadblock they were facing.
So it is possible that you and your ex are soulmates and that is why you still feel connected to them.
And finally, if you’re wondering whether soulmates can break up and get back together, yes they absolutely can and do!
How Do You Know if Your Ex Is Still Thinking About You?
Now, if you’ve been wondering why you’ve been thinking so much about your ex lately, it is only natural to wonder whether your ex is still thinking about you TOO.
It’s pretty common, since the previous point I made, about still feeling connected to an ex, applies to them too.
And the good news is, there are signs to help you know your ex isn’t over you!
Here are a few to look out for:
- They still have your things at their place and aren’t trying to give them back
- They aren’t dating anyone new
- They keep on texting or calling you as though you were still together
- They talk to others about you
And if you want to be really sure about whether your ex still feels connected to you too…
Check out my wife’s excellent blog post that goes into more depth about how to know if your ex secretly wants you back.
Can Your Ex Fall Back in Love With You?
Yes, your ex can absolutely fall in love with you again.
Not only does human connection run very deep, once you have connected with someone, it is much easier to pick things up where you left off.
You can think of it as riding a bicycle, it’s something that you may not do for YEARS.
But give yourself an hour, and you’ll pick it up as though it was yesterday. It’ll be like you’d never forgotten how to ride it.
The point being, although things may initially be awkward and a little jarring, ex-couples find each other pretty quickly, because the patterns are already established.
So in case of your ex, that would mean you are in an advantageous position with your shared history and have good chances of your ex falling in love with you again.
And in case you’re wondering, how to know if your ex wants you back but won’t admit it, you can read: 17 signs he is fighting his feelings for you.
It’ll help you know whether your ex still feels connected to you.
Is It Worth Reconnecting With an Ex?
Now, no relationship is ever black-and-white, there are love-hate elements to all of them.
But it is important to evaluate whether your relationship was healthy and consequently whether the connection you still feel to your ex is a positive one.
(Especially if you are flirting with the idea of getting back together with your ex.)
So if you were experiencing any of the following in your with your ex, I would NOT recommend reconnecting with them:
- Physical abuse
- Repeated verbal abuse
- If you had repeated psychological breakdowns
- If you felt worthless or depressed
- If there was emotional manipulation and gaslighting
Sorry to get so dark, but it’s an unfortunate reality of more relationships than you might imagine.
But if you can exclude the above and feel like the connection with your ex is a special one, then nothing stands in the way, and you should absolutely reconnect with them.
A word of caution, though.
Too many people get so caught up with their own emotions of love and wanting to reconnect with their ex, that they entirely forget to take their ex’s perspective and feelings into account.
Because they may not feel the same way you do.
Or they are holding grudges that need to be dealt with before you can successfully reconnect.
This is why it is so important to approach your ex carefully and with the right message.
It is what will maximize your chances of winning them over and giving a relationship another shot.
If that is something you would like help with, check out our Ex Back Coaching.
In a call, we listen to your relationship history and based on that and your ex’s character, we lay out a strategic plan for you to get your ex back for good.
We’ll give you tips on what to say and do to get them to fall back in love with you and want to commit to you again.
I hope you found this post helpful, and got the orientation you needed.
Thank you for reading, and if you have any comments or questions about still feeling connected to your ex, you can leave them down below and I will get back to you.
You might also want to check out: 16 Clear Signs Your Ex Is Becoming Interested Again.
See you next time,
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