Taking a break in a relationship is never easy to deal with. Especially if you’re not the one who initiated it!
Maybe you can sense your significant other pulling away already, and it’s making you panic. Don’t worry though! They’re not going to stop loving you from one day onto the next.
What’s more, if you manage to keep your cool through all of this, chances are this problem will just blow over, and you will be back to normal in no time. In this blog post I’ll explain relationship breaks in detail, what causes them, how long they should be and how to successfully get back on track afterwards.
Is Taking a Break in a Relationship Healthy
First off, you might be wondering is this whole concept of going on a break is a good idea. Are relationship breaks healthy? Are they a good way of coping with problems?
In an ideal world we would all be perfect communicators who are willing to talk, listen, have infinite patience and no other problems in life. Unfortunately, this is not the case. People have lots of limitations and there are things and other people that can come in a way and sabotage your relationship.
Relationship break are healthy when one or both of you reached a point where they feel like they have no other way of dealing with an issue. For example, when you no longer can talk without arguing, or when one of you (or both) feels too pressured and overwhelmed with needs of the other.
At such a point in a relationship, a break is not only healthy but also a necessity.
What Does Taking a Break Mean in a Relationship
Going on a break means that there is a problem either in your relationship or outside of it that is making it impossible for the two of you to be together at the moment.
It also means that whoever initiated the break run out of options on how to deal with this issue.
How to Deal With Taking a Break in a Relationship
The key to successfully dealing with a relationship break is to not let your panic make things worse. It really is just what your partner said it is – a break – not a breakup.
We have so many coaching clients who either freak out when they go on a break, they start overriding their boyfriend’s or girlfriend’s boundaries which only leads to it turning into an actual breakup! So keep this in mind and try to self-soothe your anxious attachment (if you need to).
Another common pitfall a lot of our clients fall into when it comes to relationship breaks is that they continue relating to their partner as though there is no problem.
They hope that by acting as though there are no issues in the relationship, they’ll make that the new reality. That just a day or two of giving space should be enough for your significant other to just get over themselves and their problems, and start behaving the way they should.
Unfortunately, this attitude also makes break turn into breakups.
What you need to do instead is approach your partner with empathy and take what they’re complaining about seriously.
What Are the Rules for Taking a Break in a Relationship
There are no universal rules on how to take a break in a relationship. This is something your significant other and you need to discuss and decide yourselves. Does the person who initiated it want to be texted? Don’t assume things, just ask them!
These are some general guidelines that are bound to keep your break as short as possible:
1. Respect Your Partner’s Boundaries
One of the most fundamental way of how to ensure that the break does in fact end at some point is respecting your significant other’s boundaries. If they say they don’t want to hear from you, leave them be. If they say they don’t want to see you, don’t try to convince them otherwise.
We’ve had quite a few cases of both men and women who failed at this point. Not only did it escalate their break into a breakup.
Knowing how to take a relationship break is all about finding a balanced approach and not falling into any extremes. You can’t chase and convince them to end the break, but you also should coldly distance yourself either.
Doing it will make your partner feel like you’re abandoning them with their issues and aren’t interested in making things work.
3. Be Empathetic and Try to Be There for Your Partner
Lat but not least, the third rule for going on a relationship break is to be attentive and try your best to be there for your partner.
If their problem is with you, take them seriously and listen. If the issue they’re struggling with is something else, try your best to support them with it.
How Long Should a Break In a Relationship Last
Taking a break in a relationship is almost always unsettling. That’s why most people’s instinct is to try to get it over and done with as soon as possible.
However, getting back in touch with your significant other TOO SOON might lead to problems and actually force you to take more or longer breaks from each other.
In the course of my over 9-year long relationship with my boyfriend, Gabriel, we’ve been through countless breaks. Some lasted only an hour, while others took up to a MONTH.
Spending time apart from each other was always very tough for me. I never really enjoyed giving Gabriel space but I was forced to do it on multiple occasions.
From my own personal experience, I’ve learned that the point of taking a break in a relationship is to resolve a problem that you’ve failed to deal with otherwise.
That’s why, how long a relationship break should be, very strongly depends on the kind of issue that you’re currently dealing with.
Three Most Common Reasons Why People Take Relationship Breaks
This is something I’ve learned from my own personal experience, as well as observed from our coaching clients,
there are three main reasons why people in a relationship decide to take a break from each other:
Break caused by an argument
Break caused by external factors
Break caused by serious relationship problems
A break caused by an argument is a situation where two people get into a fight.
This might happen in a form of a heated exchange, as well as a totally cold, reserved interaction followed by holding grudges or silent treatment.
Regardless of how the relationship fight looks like exactly, at the end of it, both sides fail to get through to each other, so they’re left with no other option than to just take a break to cool off and get some distance from it all.
A break caused by external factors is another really common situation when either one or both partners need space from each other.
Everybody struggles in life every now and then. It might be due to being overwhelmed at work, family problems, health or mental health, etc.
When going through a tough time, people often fear being judged or don’t want to be perceived as a burden, so they request space or suggest taking a relationship break.
A break caused by serious relationship problems is a situation where a lot of negative factors come together:
If a couple is constantly fighting, one or both sides feel unhappy and the relationship is just not working anymore, taking a break from each other is the last resort to try to restore peace and try to figure a way out.
How Long Should a Relationship Break Caused by an Argument Last
When it comes to dealing with a break caused by a relationship fight this is the easiest and also the shortest one!
The main purpose of taking this kind of time out is to give both of you room to cool off and let your emotions calm down so that you can both gain some distance from the fight and reevaluate the situation with a clearer head.
Whenever Gabriel and I get stuck in an argument it generally takes us anywhere from an hour up to a day to calm down enough so that we can start communicating again.
When it comes to relationship breaks caused by an argument, if the break is cut too soon, it’s bound to cause yet another argument…
On the other hand, if the break lasts too long it might turn into mutual silent treatment, which only tends to make matters worse…
Keep in mind, these rules aren’t set in stone.
Ultimately, the length of the break you and your partner need depends on your personalities and also on the magnitude of the fight.
How Long Should a Relationship Break Caused by External Factors Be
Relationship breaks caused by external factors are always more tricky to deal with, that’s why they tend to be longer.
These types of breaks can generally last between one day to up to a week.
Of course, how much time apart you need from each other, depends on what kind of problems you’re dealing with.
E.g.: When dealing with an overall bad mood one day can be enough to clear it out.
But when it comes to serious family emergencies, they might require your significant other to dedicate much more of their time and attention.
Gabriel and I went through multiple breaks due to all sorts of external factors.
At the beginning of our relationship, he would sometimes say he needs space out of the blue. Even though he never communicated it back then, I could sense that he was simply feeling down but wasn’t ready to show me that part of himself yet.
However, as we grew closer and built trust with each other, our breaks caused by the problems outside of our relationship became shorter and shorter.
The big thing about this kind of relationship break is that when a person is struggling with something, what they often really need is not space but SUPPORT.
The tricky part here is that you might not always be able or willing to give your significant other the support they crave.
Or that your partner might not be able or willing to ACCEPT the support you’re offering…
That’s why taking a break from each other is often a helpful compromise.
How Long Should a Relationship Break Caused by Serious Relationship Problems Last
Last but not least, let’s finally get to the longest and most difficult type of relationship breaks: the ones caused by serious relationship problems.
All couples have problems. It’s normal to have disagreements, feel misunderstood at times, or not always get what you want from your partner.
However, there might come a time in a relationship when NOTHING seems to be working anymore.
This happened to Gabriel and me.
We’ve reached a point where we could not see eye to eye on things, we fought all the time, and both felt misunderstood and alone.
It was as though we were continuously hitting an invisible wall that just kept on tearing us apart.
So we decided to take a break.
In fact, this happened THREE times.
Gabriel and I have been through THREE breaks caused by serious relationship problems (they were basically breakups just that we always decided to keep in touch with each other).
Even though it was Gabriel who initiated all three of our ‘breakups’, I have been the one who insisted on making them last longer.
I did it because I thought that by extending our time apart we’d be more likely to come to some groundbreaking conclusions that would magically fix our relationship.
Unfortunately, that’s just not how things work. Relationship problems don’t vanish by themselves…
All three of our relationship breaks lasted about a month and looking back at it, I consider all three of them to have been UNNECESSARILY LONG.
Too long of a break doesn’t contribute anything towards gaining any new perspective on things.
In reality, making a break last a very long time only makes it more likely for it to turn into an actual breakup.
That’s why I recommend that a relationship break caused by serious relationship problems should last from about one week up to about a month.
And if your guy happens to be the emotionally unavailable type, then watching out for these signs that he misses you, can help the break feel more bearable.
How to Make a Relationship Break Work
As I outlined in the beginning of this article, couples decide to take a break from each other when they face a relationship problem that they aren’t able to fix.
This might be something relatively small, like a fight. Something slightly bigger, like personal issues or struggles. Or it can be multiple serious relationship problems.
Generally speaking, the bigger the problem, the longer the relationship break needs to last.
However, it’s important to keep in mind that on their own, breaks actually DON’T FIX ANYTHING.
They can only provide emotional distance and a fresh perspective that can be crucial in solving relationship problems.
But in order to truly make a relationship break work, both you and your partner need to use what you’ve learned from the break and do the fixing the problem part yourselves.
This brings me back to my story.
You see, all three of our relationship breaks have been caused by THE SAME ONE relationship problem.
We didn’t manage to fix it the first time round.
That’s why we eventually ended up taking yet another long and painful break from each other.
We didn’t manage to fix it the second time round either…
This is the sad reality of relationship breaks.
If you don’t SOLVE the problem that is causing you and your partner to need a break from each other, eventually the same situation is bound to repeat.
You’ll need to take another, maybe an even longer relationship break.
That’s what kept on happening to us.
Even though we were perfect for each other, if we hadn’t managed to solve that ONE recurring relationship problem, we would have been broken up for good by now…
The Ultimate Solution to Prevent or Shorten Relationship Breaks
So you might be wondering, what was THE ONE PROBLEM that kept on causing us to take multiple long breaks from each other?
We didn’t know how to ACKNOWLEDGE each other’s feelings!
And what we discovered while working with countless other couples is that this ONE BIG BLOCK is what prevented them from successfully getting through to each other as well.
Acknowledgment works like a magical spell that can make relationship problems vanish within seconds!
It’s the ultimate solution to dramatically shorten or prevent all relationship breaks.
If you want to find out more about this tool and its incredible effects in a relationship, you can check out our Rebuild Your Relationship course.
In it we guide you step by step on how to use acknowledgment to make your relationship break work and fix the problems that caused it.
This way you won’t need to worry about having too much space from each other ever again.
We also address the common relationship problems and pitfalls that stand in the way of having a happy and lasting relationship, so that you can truly build the loving and stable relationship you dream of.
Relationships are often insane emotional rollercoasters!
One moment you’re on cloud nine feeling super close to your guy…
…And the next you’re fighting about the same thing for the hundredth time and it seems like your relationship is simply doomed to fail!
These kinds of ups and downs are something my girlfriend Karolina (who runs this blog with me) and I often experienced too.
And for us, sometimes things got even WORSE…
What if you’re having negative experiences MOST of the time? And you’re not sure whether you’re even happy in your relationship anymore?
What if you’re in so much pain, you’re not even sure you want to continue anymore…
Where do you draw the line and at what point can you say and know for sure if your relationship is really over?
I’ve put together a list of 10 SIGNS that will help you get the answer you need.
If you can relate to 7 or more of these, then unfortunately it may be time to call it quits…
1. You’ve Lost Your Special Spark and Connection with Him
When Karolina and I have felt too disconnected it could seem like it was all going to end soon.
Like “Okay, that’s it, packing my bags this isn’t going to work.”
Because relationships are defined by- and NEEDCONNECTION.
Additionally romantic relationships require a spark of attraction with your man mixed in with some flirtatious tension.
So if you feel like your spark and connection have long been consigned to your relationship history museum, then count one sign for yourself.
2. You Often Feel Alone and Misunderstood
Secondly, if a prevalent feeling you have in your relationship with him is feeling alone and misunderstood, this is a sign your relationship might soon be over.
We’ve seen and heard it from so many couples, that one (or both) of them feels alone EVEN when they’re sitting right next to their partner and talking to them.
This often goes hand in hand with feeling misunderstood.
That no matter what or how you try and express your needs, he simply doesn’t get it and often turns it into something it’s not and you end up fighting instead!
3. You Don’t Believe You Can Trust Him
Anybody that has had their trust broken knows just how BADLY it can hurt.
If your man has betrayed you in some way and you’ve been through a painful experience like this…
Then it certainly adds to the signs that your relationship might really be over.
The same counts for you, if you just have a general mistrust towards him and think that he might not share important things with you or that he’s KEEPING SECRETS.
Trust is a true cornerstone in a relationship that needs to be built, respected and maintained.
4. You Just Can’t Take the Fighting Anymore
Ugh! I hate fighting.
There’s nothing more disheartening, frustrating and exhausting than fights.
Unfortunately for better or worse, they’re often a constant companion in relationships.
Having said that, there is a BALANCE to be had.
Your fight to fun ratio with your man should be at about 30/70 at most!
That’s 30% fighting time and 70% fun time.
If the time you fight goes BEYOND the 30% limit, this too is a bad sign for your relationship.
5. The Thought of Leaving Him Is Liberating
It’s normal to wonder what might have been, had you gotten together with that other guy instead.
There’s no harm in daydreaming from time to time.
But it’s a different matter if you feel viscerally RELIEVED at the thought of leaving your boyfriend or husband.
This indicates that there is something fundamental in your relationship that is really NOT WORKING for you.
And it’s something you cannot simply brush off.
Rather it’s another sign indicating your relationship may be over soon.
6. You Don’t Feel Important or Valued
Mutual appreciation is a healthy and vital component of your relationship.
If it is lacking and you feel unimportant or not even valued by him, add another sign to your count.
Because it’s not okay for you to be putting your time and energy into your relationship with him, only to feel taken FOR GRANTED.
This kinda stuff chips away at your self esteem and will leave you utterly depleted in time.
I’m telling you from personal experience with an ex.
7. You’re Secretly Thinking About Other Guys
From what you guys tell us, fantasizing about another doesn’t seem to be uncommon.
So again, if you’re doing this from time to time it’s no biggie.
If however, your thoughts wander to other men frequently and you’re seriously considering jumping ship…
That tells me that TOO MANY of your needs are simply not being met in your relationship with your man.
Which brings us to…
8. He’s Not Meeting Your Needs
Whether you crave emotional closeness, exciting conversation or sexual pleasure with your man, it’s important that your needs are being met to a degree that you’re moderately happy with.
In our relationship Karolina’s need for security and commitment was unfortunately NOT MET for a long time.
And it was really tough for her..
But as we grew closer over the months and years, I built more trust towards her and my commitment and loyalty became unwavering.
So although it’s normal for certain needs to take time to be met, you shouldn’t be left hanging forever.
9. You Just Don’t Talk Anymore
If one or both of you are not talking to each other anymore, it’s a sign of something being really off in your relationship.
Ideally, no matter how bad things might be you should always keep an open channel of communication.
It’s better to express things than let them BOIL INSIDE until they explode out like a volcano.
So if you’re not talking anymore, it’s a clear sign that things are not working and that your relationship might be nearing its end.
10. You’re Not Sure You Love Him…
Sometimes we get so caught up with ‘being with someone’ that we lose track of how we FEEL about that person.
How you felt towards your man on day one is not how you felt 6 months or years later.
People and relationships change, they’re not static.
So It can be hard to realize or admit that you might feel like “… I’m not sure I love him anymore.”
We KNOW how tough and disheartening relationships can be because we had YEARS worth of it OURSELVES.
So I get that this post might be a difficult read.
But you’re here and are actually trying to figure out your relationship.
And in case you’re new to these parts and don’t know our story yet, we actually broke up 3 times before we finally uncovered the secrets to making a relationship truly work.
So you should know that both Karolina and I are actually BIG BELIEVERS in happy endings.
We fought really hard for our relationship and ultimately figured things out!
So if despite everything, you feel like your relationship with your man is too important to give up on just yet and you want to give it another shot.
In it we teach you how to avoid all the common pitfalls that lead relationships to being over and how to revive your relationship with your man so that you have the love and connection with him that you so deeply crave.
So you were with someone and unfortunately, things didn’t work out the way you hoped…
Hurtful things were said and done, one thing escalated to the next and one or both of you decided it was finally time to break up…
But days, months or even years passed and you feel that the connection you had with them was really intimate and special to you and that it’s not something you want to give up on just yet.
You’ve decided you want to get your ex back.
And that’s exactly what I’m going to help you do here.
I’m going to show you how you can finally get your ex back. And do so in a way that guarantees they will stay so that you feel stable with them and NEVER have to fear losing them again!
And this approach is foolproof and will work via texting or in person and also whether you’ve been out of touch for months or if the breakup only happened yesterday.
Let’s dive in.
1. Scope Out Your Ex’s Situation and Feelings
When my girlfriend Karolina (now wife – who runs this blog with me today) and I first broke up, it was heartbreaking for both of us.
But I was -regretfully- the one who instigated it.
And I want to tell you right away, that both men and women can be equally tricky to handle when you want to get back together with them.
Women can be drama queens, but so can men! -Or I should say, drama kings.
Your ex might be playing cool, distant and uncaring as to whether you get back together…
So it’s important to take the right approach to avoid potentially screwing up your chances.
I hate to say it, but you may need to handle your ex with kid gloves at times and be very careful and tactful!
Like I said, drama queens/kings.
This is why I don’t recommend diving right in and trying to get back together with them.
Ideally, you’ll first carefully scope out their situation:
Are they still clearly into you?
Do they let it show?
Do you know or suspect they are dating other people?
Are there other things that might be getting in the way of getting them back?
Doing your crafty research first will ensure you get a full picture of what’s up on their end and how they feel about you.
And this will set you up in maximizing your chances of getting your ex back!
2. Get Their Side So That They Crave You Again
There was obviously a reason for the two of you to have initially broken up.
Whether it was due to constant fights and hurt, cheating or you both simply wanted different things from your relationship…
Whatever your reasons may have been and whoever’s fault it was, something between you broke enough for it to have led to you breaking up.
Now in order for you to get them back, that broken thing needs to be addressed.
I’m not saying fixed but addressed to at least SOME degree.
The reason to do this is to gain their interest and trust again.
Because when you get their side of the story, you are reestablishing your shared connection with them. (again, regardless of who’s fault the breakup really was)
And that’s a very POWERFUL thing!
You see, you are taking down the wall that caused them to go from “your partner”, to “your ex”.
You’re making them FEEL positive things towards you again.
And by that, they’re reminded of all the good things about you that they’re missing out on.
This is the FASTEST way to get back to your ex. Despite what you might have heard about it all being about sex.
What sparked my interest in getting back with Karolina after our breakup was NOT the sex.
Sure, sex is a part of it.
But it really was because she understood me and got my side in a way no one else did.
This made me trust her and I instantly wanted to get back with her again!
So use your shared experiences and history to your advantage.
3. Give Your Ex Signals So They Don’t Miss Your Intentions
Don’t say anything outright to them about wanting to get back together yet.
But after a breakup, both sides are generally weary and careful, since neither wants to get hurt even more.
Sometimes too careful, which can make your ex worry that you’re no longer interested or are moving on. And in turn increase the likelihood of them distancing themselves as to not get hurt too.
So don’t make the mistake of going all cold and distant on them. (This can push them even further away from you!)
Instead, give them subtle cues that you’re still in the game and are trying to figure things out.
Signal your interest and if they are receptive, feel free to flirt a little.
4. Secure Your Relationship With Them For Good
A lot of what we’ve covered so far, are things you might do over your phone.
But once you’re actually meeting face to face, it’s a different game.
Things are suddenly more real.
You’ll have a lot of feelings, as will your ex. (Especially if you haven’t seen each other in a while)
The air might feel electrified and even brushing elbows will send a tingle down your spine.
It’s almost like you’re dating all over again…
Now, rediscovering the spark with your ex and getting back together is great, but it’s only the first step.
If you’re serious about getting them back and ensuring your special connection is saved, it’s best to firmly secure your ties with them NOW.
(and I’m not talking about getting engaged here.)
I mean something far more potent: securing a deep unbreakable bond with them.
Karolina and I made the mistake of not doing so and it resulted in multiple horrible breakups.
We just didn’t know how to prevent the pattern of going from feeling super close and intimate to being so tired of each other that we broke up!
But through a lot of trial and error, we figured out what was causing the constant fights and breakups and finally DID put a stop to it.
I’m not gonna lie. Karolina’s and my breakup was rough, difficult and at times we just wanted to give up. But in staying true to ourselves and each other, we saw it through and came out the other end stronger than ever.
There were A LOT of heard-earned lessons along the way until we figured out what was actually working (and what was definitely was NOT working).
And through the process of our own journey and our coaching clients, we create a simple 5-Step framework to help other’s get their ex back too.
Each step is full of crucial lessons, do’s & don’t, what to say and text to your ex, so that you can change their mind and finally heal together.
If your man is making it clear that he’s not worried about losing you, chances are it leaves you feeling like you don’t matter much to him…
Maybe you even feel unimportant to him and taken for granted.
He might treat you as though whether or not you are there, it wouldn’t even make a difference to him. Or worse he TELLS you that he doesn’t care!
And of course that hurts…
It’ll leave you angry and sad because even the strongest girlfriends eventually can’t take it anymore and just want to give up.
I know this because Karolina (my girlfriend who runs this blog with me) had the same complaint about me in OUR relationship.
But we DID eventually manage to solve this tricky problem.
And yours can be fixed too!
I’m going to tell you what you need to do to turn things around and get him to treat you like you DO MATTER and ARE important!
Let’s talk about how to make your man worry about losing you.
1. Don’t Hope That He Will Change and Finally Start Appreciating You
Karolina was incredibly patient with me in our relationship, one might even say too patient at times…
And we’ve observed the same tendency with other couples.
It’s as though there is an unspoken rule for women: that they are expected to be endlessly giving and patient.
And that by trying to live up to an impossible angel-like standard they will somehow magically inspire the change they desire in their men, so that he’ll finally care about you.
Now let’s look at the reality of trying this approach:
He’ll take you for granted even more (if that’s at all possible!)
It’ll be like he’s walking all over you
You’ll feel worse and worse..
And he’ll worry EVEN less about losing you!
This approach does not work, because you would be giving him even more room to continue his behavior.
It’s almost like saying:
“Hey honey, it seems as though you don’t worry about losing me… here let me help you worry EVEN LESS!”
So if you find yourself in this kind of pattern of waiting and hoping for him to change by being the ‘perfect angel’, it’s important to take charge instead.
Because this problem will not resolve itself.
Taking charge of your relationship is the only thing that will truly result in your man’s behavior changing.
And it’s the experience Karolina had with me as well!
It’s only when she stopped waiting or being patient and took charge, that she started getting the appreciation and attention she wanted!
2. Stop Coming His Way the Whole Time, Match His Efforts Instead
Do you ever have the feeling you’re accommodating men? Like even your boyfriend or husband?
Maybe when he’s saying something that may be of very little interest to you, you still find yourself politely nodding, smiling and feigning interest?
If so, let me tell you this is something us men are unfortunately very used to and BLIND to as well!
We like to think our partner is truly interested and blown away by whatever it is we’re currently flexing about.
But when it’s your turn to be heard, he might cut you off mid sentence.
Or maybe he ignores the fact that you just said something to begin with!
This behavior is unfortunately common…
I don’t know where us men get our sense of entitlement from, but it definitely has a negative impact on our relationship!
So instead of coming his way the whole time, MATCH his efforts instead.
Give only as much as he’s giving you.
Whether that’s in conversation, texting, in bed, chores or any other area of life.
Match however much effort he is putting in and DON’T put in more than that!
This will shake things up for him, he’ll realize that you can CHOOSE how much of your time and attention you give him.
That it’s not guaranteed and that he has to earn it!
[A word of caution: Be careful not to fall into the other extreme of distancing yourself and not giving anything at all! Because this will signal that you are no longer interested in him and can even reinforce his lack of worry about losing you!]
3. Get Busy Pursuing Your Own Interests
There is nothing more vexing and simultaneous attractive to us men than a woman doing her own thing.
You see, we’re selfish.
We like to be the most important thing in our girlfriend’s life.
King of the castle, master of the universe and any other cliche you can think of!
And when we’re not the center of everything –a primitive caveman ALARM BELL goes off.. :
“Why is this other thing of more interest to her now? How dare she prioritize getting her nails done over dinning with me?! What is this rebellion? It seems I must pursue and court her again!”
You know, like Belle in Beauty and the Beast -only without the whole captivity and talking furniture thing.
I’m exaggerating a little here because I want to get this POINT across.
There is something very frustrating yet stimulating to a man when his partner goes off doing her own thing!
Karolina would be at social events, hanging out with friends or even taking on drawing classes at some point.
And I couldn’t have her out there having all the fun to herself! And besides what if she meets an interesting guy??…
4. Restructuring Your Relationship Will Make Him Worry About Losing You
Lastly it’s important to address the elephant in the room here…
If you are in this situation where your man is neglecting you and isn’t worried about losing you…
…Then there’s MORE to it than meets the eye.
This kind of unfair treatment doesn’t appear out of nowhere. It stems from issues in a relationship that lie beneath the surface.
These are problems that are often old and buried because they’re just too scary to face!
And they develop very slowly over the course of months or years so they’re also very difficult to pick up on…
But at some point the pain is too big to continue ignoring and you wake up and realize:“Hey, he’s not even worried about losing me anymore! He takes me for granted!”What’s needed at this point is to restructure your relationship to make him actually wake up and be afraid of losing you.
Since Karolina and I both KNOW these struggles and learned how to overcome them, it became important to us to share our experience and help other women overcome them too.
So If you’re feeling unappreciated and unimportant and could do with some help fixing it, be sure to check out our course that we designed especially for women in your situation: Rebuild Your Relationship.
In it, you’ll learn actionable steps to immediately capture his undivided attention, as well as the secrets to get him to truly value and appreciate you the way you want and need, so that he DOES finally worry about losing you.
Finally, there is also a flip side to the whole issue of men not worrying about losing their partner…
Which is that he might straight up be the emotionally unavailable type!
If you’ve found yourself chasing him to meet your relationship needs (which you very well deserve to have!) and when you express them, his response is equivalent to that of a rock. Then you probably find our post about how to get emotionally unavailable men to open up insightful.
If you have any further questions or you’re not sure about something, just drop me a comment below and I’ll get back to you!
This challenge has been designed to help women get through to their men. You’ll receive four fun and simple activities that are bound to make you feel closer to him and can really help dissolve some of that tension that might be still lingering after your last fight.
When a man starts to withdraw or pull away, a lot of women often start to panic and try to immediately do whatever they can to reel him back in.
I get it… I used to react exactly the same way…
Having someone you can’t get enough of suddenly asking you for space or to be alone, it feels WRONG!
When we first started dating Gabriel used to “Need space.” A LOT.
Because of that, he’d stop texting and we wouldn’t see each other for a couple of days.
It was horrible.
Back then I always tried playing it off as cool but deep down I always felt rejected and alone.
Now, 10 years later, we HARDLY EVER need space from each other.
Looking back at all those times in our past when Gabriel needed space… I can now see very clearly why he was acting the way he was.
Moreover, I can see the same patterns with all of my girlfriends with their boyfriends or even husbands!
I’m going to share with you the three surprising truths I learned about why men suddenly pull away and give you tips on what you can do to actually bring them closer.
1. The Real Reasons He Is Pulling Away, Have Nothing to Do With You
When a guy says “I need some space” any girl’s default reaction is to…
Blame herself and feel like SHE must have done something WRONG!
But the reality is, it’s often a sign of the complete opposite.
A lot of men are AFRAID of BEING ATTACHED!
Chances are you and your man are getting CLOSER and his defensive walls are beginning to CRACK.
But he isn’t ready to fully let you in yet!
So he suddenly needs to spend some time apart so that he can get those walls back up.
This is something most men aren’t aware of.
They’re not doing it out of spite or trying to intentionally reject you.
On the other hand, patience and acceptance of where they’re at are going to bring them CLOSER FASTER.
4. Distract Yourself and Make Him a Bit Jealous
The best way how to give him space is for you to distract yourself with somethings else. Meet up with friends, pick up a hobby, start working out etc., possibilities are endless.
Having something to do will take your mind off of him.
You’re not going to be just sitting around, obsessing over what he is doing and wondering if it’s ok to text him yet.
There is an additional benefit to following this tip. You having a life of your own, your own friends and interests will inevitably make him at least a bit jealous.
Which in turn will motivate him to need less space. Because, he’ll have to come out of his shell to fend off any potential competition.
5. Win Back His Trust by Being There for Him
Last but no least, when giving space women tend to do it backwards. I’ve made this mistake myself, countless times too. Whenever Gabriel would start pulling away, I’d need him to reassure me and show me that he cared.
It’s ok to ask for reassurance in a relationship. But when a guy is struggling with something, he will not have room for you and what you need from him.
This is the very reason why he might be asking for space in the first place!
Because he just can’t cope with things at the moment.
This is why the best way how to give your boyfriend space in these kinds of situations is by not needing anything from him but being there for him instead.
Listen to him, validate his complains, be nice and understanding. Bring him food. Don’t judge him. Don’t ask for answers, don’t pressure him to get his life together.
Be kind and patient towards him and his walls will drop in record time.
How Much Space Should You Give Him
How long you should give him space strongly depends on your individual preferences and also on the stage of your relationship.
Some people need more space than others. But generally speaking, the longer you are together, the shorter you have to wait before getting back in touch with him.
For example, in our first year of being together, when Gabriel said he needed space, I typically waited a couple of days, up to a week, before texting him.
We weren’t living together yet and our lives were still very independent of each other, so I really could just go about my life without any major problems.
Now, on the other hand, we live together, work together, our relationship evolved and so have our rules for space. When Gabriel says he needs space now, he typically means something between 30 minutes up to an hour.
There are no fixed rules here.
Exactly how long you should wait for also depends on the circumstances and his reasons for needing space in the first place.
Knowing how to give a man a healthy amount of space can be tricky.
You don’t want to appear desperate, needy and push him further away. But at the same time, you also don’t want to seem distant and make him feel like you don’t care.
As mentioned, the biggest mistake women make when it comes to space is being clingy.
The second-biggest mistake is giving more space than what he asked for.
So take care to dose it carefully, so that he doesn’t feel like you’re disinterested.
Another challenge here is evaluating where he is really at.
Are you giving him space to figure out what he wants, or is this just his excuse for stringing you along?
It’s a complex topic and there are many factors to consider. But there are two things that can really guide through this mess and help you know how much space to give him: your gut and your heart.
If something feels off, don’t ignore it. At the same time, if a man is demanding more space than you can bear to give, tell him that.
When a man truly cares about you, he will take you into consideration and will make room for your needs too.
Conclusion
When a guy suddenly voices the need to have some space, it’s easy to get carried away and panic.
That’s why it’s important to remember: this is most likely not your fault.
Him needing space probably has NOTHING to do with you.
Don’t try to trick or force him into opening up.
That will only make him withdraw even further.
Do your best to accept and respect where he is at and he will come back to you sooner than you imagine.
Now when it comes to guys asking for space in relationships there are often reasons that go beyond a recent event that caused it.
Sometimes there are underlying issues that you (and sometimes even your boyfriend or husband) are utterly unaware of -that are causing a need for space and addressing these issues is the only way to actually solve the problem.
This is what we dig into, in our Rebuild Your Relationship Course.Here we talk about the reasons men distance themselves and sometimes even bunker themselves in and what to do to get them back out and have them reconnect with you instead.
I know how difficult this can be because I had the same struggle with Gabriel (my boyfriend who runs the blog with me). It took a long time before I finally figured out what I was doing wrong (things that were continuously pushing him away) and what I needed to do to solve this!
Now, he not only never needs space, he actively seeks me out and talks to me when there’s a problem so that we can figure it out together.
We always believed that relationships should be FUN and uplifting! And we were obsessed with finding real-world practical solutions for our relationship problems. Today we help others do the same with our blog.
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