We ALL do things that drive people away without even REALIZING IT.
Men have their own set of unique sensitivities and certain things send them running for the hills.
Here are the top #5 behaviors you want to avoid and alternatives that will get you what you want.
1. Controlling Behavior Drives Men Away
Just like any creature on this planet, men enjoy their sense of freedom.
I’m not referring to sexual escapades or endlessly flirting with strangers.
I mean the freedom to BE HIMSELF.
In my previous relationship, I had a controlling girlfriend.
She believed it to be okay to impose and manage me, my behavior, my activities, what I said and did not say, the way I wrote my texts when I should pick her up and drop her off, etc.
It was WAY too much.
And ultimately I just felt suffocated. I couldn’t take it anymore, so we ended it.
We’re all unique and have our own ways of ‘doing life’.
So be sure to give your partner a lot of breathing space and room for self-expression.
Let’s be brutally honest here. We are all selfish creatures who act in our own self-interest.
When we do nice things for others, most of the time we DO EXPECT something in return.
Selfishness in relationships is often demonized, but I personally don’t see it as a bad thing.
Doing nice things out of selfish reasons doesn’t diminish their value.
There is nothing wrong with doing loving things for your partner because you want to make them love you in return.
EVERYBODY DOES THAT. We all just pretend that we don’t. 😝
Here are some little things you can do, to make your partner love you more.
1. Appreciate Your Partner’s Efforts
When you notice your partner made an effort to do something that’s new, that they’re a bit unsure of, you might feel this urge to point out flaws and correct him/her right away…
It’s a bad habit that most of us, unfortunately, have.. Really, this ONLY causes DAMAGE to a relationship.
The best way to make your partner love you more is to try to resist this irritating urge and validate your partner instead.
You trying to correct your partner in a situation like this will only put them off and make them more likely to give up.
Validating your partner’s efforts, on the other hand, will encourage them to try harder and do more.
It will make them feel valued and loved and they will inevitably love you in return.
2. Show Them Your Support
Everybody in the whole wide world is desperate to have someone else BELIEVE IN THEM.
When your partner tells you about their goals or resolutions, they desperately want you to support them in their efforts.
Sometimes, your partner’s goals will seem unrealistic or silly.
When that is the case, don’t shoot them down right away.
Take your time to understand their true objective and where they’re coming from.
This will inevitably make it easier for you to be more supportive of your significant other and they’ll love you for it.
3. Compliment Their Appearance
Complimenting someone’s appearance is one of the easiest ways to make them feel good.
People tend to believe that only women care about looking good, but that is so not true.
Straight men want to feel desirable and sexy too!
Even when they pretend not to and totally don’t know how to get there…
Complimenting even little things about your partner’s looks will make them feel special and loved, and they’ll be very likely to pay it back.
4. Compliment Their Intelligence
This might be a shocking one to hear, people are just as insecure about their brains as they are about their looks.
Luckily, complimenting someone’s intelligence is just as easy as complimenting their looks.
Point out when your partner says something smart or when he/she knows something you don’t.
It will boost their confidence and it’s bound to make them appreciate you more.
5. Give Them Your Undivided Attention
Due to our busy schedules and hectic lifestyles, we tend to CONSTANTLY be kind of DISTRACTED.
Chatting with three people at the same time and watching youtube videos while your partner is telling you about their day. We’re all guilty of that sometimes…
A great way to inspire his/her love is to find a way to silence all that hectic noise, put away all your devices and dedicate 100% of your attention to your partner.
It will make your significant other feel important and cared for and he/she will love you for it.
6. Check-In With Your Partner. FOR REAL
When we ask the question “how are you?” most of the time it’s meant as mere politeness.
You might have been asking your partner “How was work?” and he/she has been answering “uhh, ok..” for the past months because they SENSED that you’re not interested in hearing the real answer to that question.
People in relationships often pretend that things are OK for their partner because they don’t want to cause alarm or trouble…
However, checking in with your partner for real and making room for their true emotional state is really crucial for keeping the relationship healthy.
Checking in with your partner and being truly receptive of where they’re at, will make them open up and love you more.
7. Give Them Some Physical Affection
This one is pretty straightforward… Physical touch is a very important love language.
Giving your significant other gentle kisses, snuggles or a massage can instantaneously bring them closer.
It’s a great and easy way to express your feelings for them. It’s foolproof and it’s bound to reignite your partner’s love for you.
8. Set Up And Organize A Date They Have Been Talking About
We all have things that we really want to try but don’t dare do it on our own.
It could a lot of different things like a bouldering class, scuba diving, or just a trip to opera.
For you to organize an activity that your partner has been wanting to do for ages, it’s like a dream come true!
I recently kept on going on about playing badminton. And when we went to do it, I was totally overjoyed. I had so much fun… 🤩😅
When it comes to this topic you have to think of your partner as a kid that’s really hang up on this one particular activity. Like when you were a kid and wanted to go to Disneyland or something.
Fulfilling that one need your partner has most likely brought up in conversation like a million times already, will make them fall over heels for you.
Make their dream come true and they’ll be inspired to do the same for you!
9. Express Your Love Through A Thoughtful Gift
This one is very similar to the dream come true date idea.
We all have things we want, but feel like we don’t deserve.
It might be something big or something totally small.
Like a particular type of cheese or an elaborate cocktail at a fancy bar.
Small things can make a BIG difference!
What is that your partner really wants but doesn’t dare get?
Get it for them and they’ll love you that much more!
10. Help Them Out With Something Difficult
Everybody struggles with certain things…
For example, it’s hard for me to make doctor appointments.
Having Gabriel help me decide which doctor to call and sit by side when I’m on the phone is SUPER HELPFUL.
What does your partner struggle with?
Offer to help them out with that and try to support them through it and they’ll love you for it!
Hope this article inspired you to take action in your relationship and find ways to make your partner love you more!
If you have any questions or comments about this topic and my attitude, please let me know in the comments section! I’d love to hear from you!
Looking for fun and productive ways to spend a date night with your partner?
These games and quizzes might be just a perfect thing for you.
My husband, Gabriel and I recently pulled out a long-forgotten card game from one of our drawers, and we really had a blast!
These games and quizzes will raise questions that you normally would have never thought about. They’re so full of creative ideas.
Playing games like this is a great way to get to know someone better and feel closer while having fun!
We enjoyed ourselves so much, that it made me want to try out some other ones.
After extensive amazon research and a couple of fun date night tests, I’ve compiled this list of all the best card games and quizzes for couples out there!
All the card games on this list contain deep and thoughtful questions intended for romantic couples. They’ll help you get to know each other on a deeper level and are bound to make you feel closer and more connected too!
This card game used to be called Love Languages: The Card Game, they actually changed the name quite recently. Much like the famous 36 Questions That Lead to Love these cards contain powerful conversations starters designed to help you get to know and understand your significant other on a much deeper level.
This set consists of 150 cards with questions divided into five categories: Family, Intimacy, Couple, Individual, and Past & Future. Each of these five topics is labeled and marked with a specific color.
There aren’t any rules to this game. You can decide to play with cards from one particular category or you can choose to mix everything up.
This game is my personal favorite for two reasons:
Firstly, the questions in this set are really creative and deep.
These cards have been designed by a couples psychologist Arthur Aron and he did a really good job. This game really sparked our interest and lead our conversations to some unexpected places. Even after 10 years of being together, we learned new things about each other while playing this game and it made us feel more connected emotionally.
Seriously, you’re really gonna find some great questions here!
My second reason for liking this date night card game best is the fact that the cards are divided into five categories.
When I ordered this set I really didn’t expect it to matter that much, however, once we tried this out, we realized that having the option to choose a particular topic brings a whole different dimension to the game.
The whole experience of playing with the cards becomes a lot more playful and suspenseful. The person picking the cards gets to feel a bit like a tv quiz presenter. “And the next category will be..”
Playing Love Lingual: The Card Game was lots of fun and it certainly brought us closer together!
This is a set of 135 square cards with one question each. Much like the previous pack, there are no rules to this game. You just pick a card and ask away.
The questions on these cards are a bit more lighthearted than in the Love Languages Card Game. Moreover, this set includes some questions about sex.
It’s a great choice if you’re looking for an easy and flirty activity for a date night.
The brand – TableTopics – is well established and offers many sets all for different occasions. They have a general conversation starter pack, a family pack, etc.
It’s a popular product with lots of positive reviews. They even updated the couples edition to includes questions suggested by their customers.
This game gets to be my second favorite because of the flirty playful questions.
Date night without flirting is not a proper date! It’s a must when it comes to couple quality time!
These cards provide ample opportunities for some serious flirting, without being overly naughty. It’s a perfect mix of deep and playful questions.
You can spend a great and fun evening with your boyfriend or husband playing this game and you’re bound to discover new things about each other!
Our Moments Couples is a set of 100 cards. Again, there is no set gameplay, you just pick a card and ask away.
This set is the one that we got as a present and had forgotten about for a year. After rediscovering this card game, we had lots of fun playing it.
Much like the Love Languages Game, these cards contain some seriously deep and thought-provoking questions. There are some cards related to sex, but they’re fewer than in the TableTopics: Couples set.
This is a perfect pick if you’re looking for a deep, almost philosophical way to spend an evening with your partner.
This doesn’t mean that you can’t have easy-going playtime with this game. We had lots of fun with these cards! It’s not all THAT SERIOUS. It’s just slightly more serious than the other set.
Overall, it’s a well-designed product and an awesome game. Personally, I think it’s slightly less intense than the Love Languages Card game and a bit more serious than the TableTopics set.
It’s a great middle ground, if that’s what you’re looking for.
Intimacy deck is an extremely popular card game for couples. It can be a great date night activity that will definitely help you get to know your partner better.
It contains 150 cards that come all packed in one neat box. The cards are color coded and (similarly to Love Language: The Card Game) divided into six categories: Past, Life, Intimacy, Relationship, About You and Random.
You’ll learn and will also get a chance to share your past experiences, family values you were brought up with, as well as your sexual desires and preferences.
This deck has lots of very varied, thought provoking, deep questions.
While playing this game, we’ve learned new things about each other and connected emotionally.
This card game was designed to make couples feel closer and more intimate. There are some really good questions in the intimacy category here.
Overall, it’s a great product. It’s very similar to the Love language: The Card Game. It’s just got a bit of a different feel and design, plus there are actually more questions in this set.
The fact that cards are color coded and divided into categories makes it more versatile too. You can remove all the intimacy cards from the set and you’ve got a whole new game you can also play with friends and family.
This is a set of 200 cards with questions to help you get to know someone better.
This game is a Kickstarter project created by a married couple, who were so busy with their everyday lives, they didn’t have enough time to nurture their relationship.
You can learn the personal story of this game’s creators from their kickstarter about video.
Here they outline how exhausting the everyday reality of having a family was for them.
At the end of each day, by the time they were done with work and their kids were finally in bed, they didn’t have the capacity for thoughtful conversations anymore.
That’s why they started a habit of writing down questions for their spouse throughout the day.
They would then read the questions to one another later in the evening.
This has become their method of reconnecting their marriage and keeping it alive.
Eventually, it turned out that their friends and relatives became interested in their method and wanted to try it too. That’s how the uncommon questions card game was born.
The questions in this game are more general than in the other ones. That’s why they are also suited to be used with bigger groups of friends and family.
The set is much bigger than all the competition. This will ensure that you can play it multiple times without the questions repeating much.
I find the personal story of the creators of this game very inspiring. Keeping the spark alive in not an easy feat in long term relationships. These cards have been designed to help out with that.
So cards are a deck of 52 cards that have been designed as a connection game for multiple people. You can use it both as a couples card game on a date night as well as a connection game for the whole family or friends.
The set is recommended for players 12 years old and up, so you’ll only find PG13 questions here.
So Cards can be played in 5 game modes:
Classic – where all players answer the same question
Raffle – where everyone picks a different cards and take turns answering
Solo – a mode that encourages you to use these questions as a writing prompt for a journal entry
If I were you – everyone tries to answer the question as though they were you, the person closest to the truth wins the round
Lightening – try to answer as many questions as you can as fast as you can
The different modes are certainly what differentiates this set from all the other ones, however, you could choose to apply the same principles to all the other cards game too.
This set is full of really deep and creative questions too. The fact that’s it’s not a game exclusively designed for couples makes it more versatile.
This is a variation of the previous game designed especially for couples to help them boost intimacy and deepen emotional connection in their relationship by getting to know each other better.
This deck is full of deep, heartfelt questions. It’s a perfect date night activity for all those who are ready to venture into vulnerable, emotional topics.
A few of the questions in this deck are known to be a bit touchy for some couples. They might bring up some old problems and even trigger negative feelings.
Tackling difficult topics is always a good thing in relationships though. It’s a great way to break some walls and address unspoken problems.
Much like the regular So cards, this game can be played in all the different modes: Classic, Raffle, Solo, if I were you and Lightning.
This deck contains 56 cards: 47 questions, three non-verbal prompts, one blank card and three instruction cards.
It’s basically a deeper version of the previous game. It’s been designed to make your date night a more vulnerable but also a more memorable experience.
This date night game is a spin-off the old time classic: truth or dare. Just that instead having to choose between two categories, here you have three choices: talk, flirt or dare.
The cards in the talk category contain questions that will test you on how well you know your partner.
The cards in the flirt category are full of playful questions that will make you reveal your sexual desires and preferences.
Dare cards (you might have guessed this one already) contain dares of sexual nature. Nothing too crazy or explicit but definitely fun and flirtatious acts of kindness.
This game is definitely different from all the other ones, it’s much more playful and flirty rather than deep and emotional.
The set contains 150 cards in total (50 cards per category).
What’s really great about this deck is that it’s three games in one. You can just grab the talk deck, if that’s the only part that you feel like doing. Or you might want to choose to use the dare deck only.
The questions and dares in here are not too x-rated, they’re even suitable to be played together with other couples. It’s gotta be played with close friends though…
And if you’re looking for ways to really dial up the heat with each other, we’ve got a post on 5 Naughty Card Games for Couples that you’ll definitely want to check out.
The ultimate game for couples is a deck of 200 cards. They are divided into two categories: ‘guess’ and ‘challenge’. The really unique thing about this set is the competitive nature of this game.
It can be played in two modes: you play it just with your partner or you can also team up with your significant other and play against other couples.
It’s a great card game for couples that will make any date night fun. The cards are formulated in a way that lets you and your partner compete on how well you know each other and do lots of funny, almost kid-like challenges.
It’s a great fit for couples who like acting silly and enjoy a bit of competition.
There are no particularly naughty questions or challenges here so it really can be played with a group of friends too.
This card game has a bit of a drinking game vibe to it.
Despite all the playfulness and lightheadedness, it can definitely help you boost intimacy and get to know your partner on a deeper level though.
Deeper connections is another deck of 200 cards with questions. They are divided into four different categories: personal, relationship, miscellaneous and past.
What really sets this set apart from all the other ones is it’s happy, colorful design.
It’s very similar to love language: the card game and the intimacy deck. But it’s a brighter, happier version of the same date night game.
Maybe, it’s just about the color palette of this set, but the whole deck just feels more easygoing and lighthearted. Some of the cards are about topics related to intimacy but nothing too naughty or explicit.
It’s a perfect card game for couples who like keep a more easy going, light hearted vibe on their date night.
There are some funny questions here too. You’re bound to get some good laughs out of this one.
All of these card games are a great way to feel closer to your partner and get to know them better. They’re all really solid, thought through products.
Some decks are bigger, others are smaller. But, in my experience, the number of questions doesn’t matter that much. Sometimes one card is enough to start off an hour long conversation.
They’re all very similar in price range too, so you should really choose whichever one fits your personal taste and mood the most!
Date night card games do have their limits though, since they’re mostly designed for a one off experience.
If you’re interested in trying out a different approach and learning how to create more lasting changes in your relationship, be sure to check out our popular online course for woman: Rebuild Your Relationship.
Here we’ll teach you how to permanently restore love and connection with your man. You’ll learn why so many couples grow apart over time and what to do to reverse it.
We’ll give you a step by step, easy to follow method you can apply right away to bring him closer and also get more of what you want from him.
Nobody is perfect! But as long as you’re both open to hearing the other one out, things are great!
3. You Can Rely On Each Other
If you can to your partner in your moment of need your relationship is definitely a healthy one!
Admitting to both physical and emotional needs means displaying vulnerability.
If you can be vulnerable with your partner and he can be vulnerable with you, it means you trust each other a lot!
Trust is a clear sign of healthy and mature love.
4. You Are Growing Closer
Healthy relationships don’t stagnate, they keep on growing!
If you feel like you’re constantly getting to know each other better and building more and more trust, you are in a healthy relationship!
Even when the honeymoon phase fades and you’re not making out and having sex the whole time anymore, as long as you feel like your love for each other is growing, all is right in the world.
5. You Feel “At Home” With Your Partner
You know the feeling of being in the right time, place and with the right person. Feeling of safety, comfort, stability. You feel loved, taken care of and protected.
This feeling comes from having built trust and understanding of another.
If your partner makes you feel “at home” you’re definitely in a healthy relationship.
6. Your Relationship Isn’t Perfect
This one might feel counter-intuitive. We all aspire to reach perfection. Films often portray characters that seem “perfect for one another”.
However, the ugly truth about people is that nobody is perfect!
Neither is there such thing as a “perfect relationship”.
In fact, claiming to be in a perfect relationship can only mean one thing: you’re lying!
So if you can admit to having relationship problems, it means your relationship is for real.
Healthy relationships are never perfect!
7. You Sometimes Fight
Disagreements and fights are an inevitable part of being in a relationship. I would prefer it if Gabriel and I never fought. But that’s just being unrealistic..
Couples who never fight are repressing their feelings and harboring resentment towards each other.
This kind of situation can never last and nothing good can come from it.
That’s why arguing with your boyfriend is actually a sign of a healthy, functioning relationship.
Having healthy arguments is just an imperfect way for couples to figure things out.
8. You Have Relationship Doubts
Having relationship doubts is totally normal.
It’s especially common to have doubts at the beginning of a relationship because you don’t know your partner that well and you haven’t built trust with each other yet.
Doubts can creep up at any point in a relationship though. Especially when you and your partner are in the middle of a heated argument…
Being able to put your relationship into question means you can reassess things and improve things that need improvement.
9. You Have Separate Interests And Preferences
When in love, it’s easy to get lost in another person’s world and lose track of yourself for a bit.
However, a healthy relationship is when two individuals choose to share their lives with one another.
People often assume that being different from your partner means that you two aren’t perfectly compatible. That is complete BS!
Having your own separate interests and preferences means that both you and your partner retained your individuality.
10. You Can See The Future Together
Healthy relationships are nurturing. They help you grow both as a couple as well as individuals.
If both you and your partner talk and plan the future together, it means your relationship is developing and growing.
Making plans and looking forward to things and events is a natural way life progresses. Regardless of what stage your relationship is at, there is always the next step and the next goal you can look forward to.
Looking forward and planning a future together means you’re in a healthy relationship.
I hope these 10 Points helped you better understand what it means to be in a healthy relationship. If you have other signs of being in a healthy relationship that you’d like to share or you have any questions, let us know in the comments section!
There are many relationship advice books for couples, some great some not so much.
Over the years, we’ve read plenty of them and we’re highlighting the books we consider to be the 6 BEST!
Meaning, the ones who’s authors clearly had an understanding of relationships, their inner workings and which provided solutions that actually worked for us!
If you feel like you’re not getting what you want from your man. This might be your book.
Let’s imagine a scenario where he totally misses what YOU’RE ACTUALLY NEEDING and does something entirely unrelated.
You just got back home from an exhausting day at work and he tells you that he noticed that the air pressure on your car tires are low, so he leaves you at home, jumps in your car and heads off to the nearest gas station.
There he verifies and adjusts the tires to the exact specifications of your car.
Thirty minutes later, he drives back home and is delighted to tell you
“Baby, your car now has the best possible tracktion on the road.”
Then he’s back to the couch and on his phone, browsing away.
How do you feel about that?
Do you feel loved in this scenario?
I mean it was sweet of him to have made the effort and his concern for your safety on the road can’t be discarded.
But did you really feed LOVED though?
Most likely not.
Why not though?
Well, he’s gone ahead and tried to make you feel appreciated and loved.
But he’s done it in a way that HE WOULD appreciate somebody doing for him.
Because in his world, that is how he feels loved.
In fact, to him, that might even be all that exists!
But what if what YOU WANT is something completely different from him adjusting your tire pressure?
What if his act of service actually makes you feel EVEN LESS understood and alone with yourself?
Maybe, what you actually really want from him, is to spend quality time with you and validate your feelings?
To listen as you talk about your day at work and help make sense of the chaos in your head.
If this were the case, his act of service – as thoughtful as it was – wouldn’t actually be meeting ANY OF YOUR NEEDS.
How crazy is that??
He would be totally missing the point without even realising it!
And this is exactly what this book deals with.
It will help you understand that you likely both have very different “Love Languages”.
That you have different ways in which you’d want to be treated, in order to feel loved.
For him it might be acts of service, for you it might be quality time and him validating your feelings.
After reading this book, we personally gained a whole new perspective on why we were fighting and frustrated.
It also helped us develop a vocabulary to more effectively communicate our needs.
Hell it was clear as day, nobody needed to explain what love was to me! I felt it, it was intuitive and deep in my bones.
Well, turns out I didn’t have it all figured out.
This book put a question mark over that certainty and made me realise that a lot of what I thought was real love, turned out to be ‘Imitation Love’.
Love that presented itself as real, but at closer inspection turned out NOT TO BE.
I thought that praise, pleasure and safety were what made me feel appreciated and loved.
But nope.
Because these were all forms of imitation love, which ultimately left me longing for more…
Something I couldn’t quite formulate or grasp.
This book captured what that missing thing was:
In order to feel truly loved, I needed to
1. Tell the truth about myself (something that was vulnerable and hella uncomfortable)
2. Be Seen (a loved one would SEE that)
3. Be Accepted (they would not judge it, but accept it)
4. And ONLY THEN did the feeling of being truly LOVED arise.
In other words, you’ll only feel loved when you can present yourself as you are (with all of your wonderful imperfections) and be accepted as such.
The book does a GREAT job of breaking all of this down explaining why it’s so difficult and vulnerable.
BUT that it’s a fundamental necessity to build a loving relationship.
What I really appreciated about it as well, is that the author then goes on to explain HOW to get real love in your life!
I always give bonus points when somebody can not only clearly define the source of a problem, but offer practical solutions!
Otherwise you’re just left feeling stuck and shitty about yourself.
Do you feel like your man takes you for granted? That you bend over backwards for him and he doesn’t appreciate or even notice all your crazy efforts?
It’s a pitfall that a lot of women fall into in their relationships.
After all, us girls are expected to be endlessly caring, giving and kind.
I’ve been there too, endlessly giving in the hopes that the person I’m with will reciprocate my efforts. Putting everybody else’s needs above my own.
Do you know where that got me?
It got me nowhere! That attitude left me depressed, disappointed and absolutely exhausted.
If you too feel discouraged and exhausted by all the fruitless efforts you’ve been putting into your relationship, you might need a good “pick me up” book.
‘Why Men Love Bitches’ might just do the trick!
It’s a humorous and captivating relationship book. It dispels the myths about what makes a woman desirable in men’s eyes and teaches that success in love comes not from good looks but from developing the right attitude.
This worldwide bestseller will help you reconnect with your “inner bitch”.
The word bitch here isn’t used in a pejorative way.
The author uses it to describe an empowered and independent woman.
A bitch is kind yet strong. She is confident, she knows what she wants and stands up for herself. She doesn’t suffer in silence, she challenges her man and takes charge.
This relationship book is funny and light. Reading it helped me feel more confident and sure of myself. It encouraged me to take risks and to put myself and my needs first.
If you find yourself a bit powerless in your relationship. That your words just don’t land and don’t produce the desired effect with your partner, this book will be a perfect fit!
It sheds a lot of light on male psychology. I will help you understand why your man acts the way he does and what he is thinking.
Get The Guy is written by a guy who has a really good understanding of the drivers and motivations behind men’s choices and behaviors. That’s why it’s so insightful!
Even though the book focuses on dating and early stages of a relationship, I read it in the 4th year of being together with Gabriel and it was very helpful.
That’s because the author Mathew Hussey explains what kind of mindset a woman needs to develop in order to get what she wants from her man.
It’s an easy read that will build you up and give you guidance on how to successfully influence your partner’s behavior without trying to control him.
Do you ever have those moments, where when you say something to your man in the hopes of being heard and acknowledged, it just seems to go right over his head?
And that no matter how many ways you try to express yourself, it just keeps falling flat?
Which of course leads to an ever growing frustration and eventually apathy towards even trying to communicate anymore?
If yes, then this book can help you just like it helped us dramatically improve our communication!
You see, what we discovered was that communication is actually quite a tricky thing because it’s really easy to get wrong without even realizing it!
The book explains what makes it so difficult:
We all have emotional needs
We often unintentionally communicate them in emotionally “violent” ways
Your partner will go on defence and the argument spirals
This process repeats itself, which gradually builds a wall between the two of you, which further REDUCES your communication efforts and INCREASES emotional distance.
The author explains how to break this cycle and effectively communicate your needs to your partner so that you FEEL UNDERSTOOD and RECEIVED!
Which in turn will help you get what you NEED from your partner!
What’s great is that you’ll get a lot of predefined sentence structures, which you can fill out and it’ll DRAMATICALLY help you express your needs.
Here’s an example:
“When you [don’t hear what I say], I feel [really frustrated] and what I would really need in this moment, is for you to [truly listen to me]. Are you willing to do that?“
Compare that to:
“You’re always ignoring what I say, you’re so damn frustrating! What the hell is WRONG WITH YOU?! Can’t you just listen for once, uuhhg!!”
I’m sure you’ll agree with me, that the first example will more likely lead to a constructive conversation.
In other words, it helps you tell him what you need without blame, accusations or judgement.
I know that trying to speak within a predefined structure is admittedly awkward and might seem very artificial at first.
But I promise, it actually WORKED for us! And over time, you’ll get better at it and won’t need the support structure because it will become more of an attitude you internalise.
Now this one’s not everybody’s cup of tea, since questioning parental authority can be a scary thing.
BUT we wanted to highlight it here, since it seriously deepened our understanding of why we struggled with certain aspects of our relationship!
And it gave us new perspectives, which helped make sense of certain emotional matters we outright REFUSED to acknowledge or discuss because they were so threatening to us at the time.
In reading it, we understood that not every daughter has the luck of a loving and supportive mother.
And that this can define and maybe even limit your perception of what love is and how it should look and work in a relationship.
(Yes, even with your man)
In fact, we both realised that there were qualities our mothers lacked, that we would have desperately needed, as we were growing up.
It helped us see that they were NOT PERFECT and had at times been unfair, overly-enmeshing, controlling and even narcissistic.
Even though this process was SUPER SCARY at first.
It helped us unload responsibility that was not ours as children and place healthy boundaries to protect ourselves and our relationship.
This in turn brought us so much CLOSER!
Because we were no longer protecting or justifying unfair behaviours from our mothers.
One of our ongoing messages to women in relationships is, if you are serious about it, you have to PUT YOURSELF and YOUR RELATIONSHIP FIRST!
Yes, EVEN above your relationship with your mother.
It’s a question I used to ask myself a lot in the past.
Understanding the things a man wants from a woman is key to a lasting and loving relationship. Yet, it is a problem many women struggle with even after YEARS of being together with their partner!
That’s because expressing one’s true needs is vulnerable, and when it comes to vulnerabilities, guys are just not supposed to have any.
For this reason, your man will rarely communicate what he wants straight up.
In the domain of giving your partner the love that he needs, he really does expect you to read his mind.
Fear not though, in our 9-year long relationship we’ve managed to solve this puzzle.
These are the 5 things your man wants from you. Giving them to him will make him trust you and bring him closer!
1. He Wants To Know He’s ‘The Man’
You see, men often act all cocky and confident but deep down they are just as insecure as women are.
It was actually quite surprising to me, but when it comes to being all nonchalant it’s mostly just an act!
The truth is, men need LOTS of reassurance!
There is a lot of pressure on women to look beautiful, be caring and gracious. In the same way, there is a lot of pressure on men to be fearless and lead the way.
That’s why your man really wants you to let him know that he is doing “a good job as a man”.
He wants to know that he makes you feel safe, that you admire him and look up to him in some ways. That he is knowledgeable, smart and brave.
In other words, your man wants to feel like he is your hero.
When I walk down the street, I see COUNTLESS men that seem to put little to no attention on their clothes or appearance.
I used to believe it was because they simply didn’t care. In fact, many even TOLD ME that they didn’t!
However, I’ve learned a more sinister truth behind their seeming carelessness.
It’s that men are not supposed to feel desirable!
Much like women are often expected to remain “daddy’s little girl”, men are expected to stay “mommy’s boy” wearing oversized t-shirts and cargo shorts with at least 6 pockets!
Sexy.
So it’s HARD for them to think of themselves other than how mommy treats them.
But don’t be deceived by their ragged appearance and supposed non-care.
He DOES WANT to feel attractive and desirable. He wants you to want him.
3. He Wants You To Support Him In His Endeavours
We all crave the support of our loved ones when it comes to pursuing our hopes and dreams.
Even with increased equality, there is still a strong pressure on men to thrive in the world and leave their mark.
That’s why, when it comes to going after his passions, your man wants you to understand his motivations and encourage him to succeed.
He wants you to agree with him and to have his back. He also wants you to trust him to make the right decisions.
Being supportive of your man’s endeavors will help gain his trust, build him up and make him see you as his biggest ally.
4. He Wants To Feel Safe
Yes, that’s right, men want to feel safe too! Figuring this one out, was a total mind blow for me.
The truth is, men crave safety just as much as women do.
Your man wants to be able to open up to you, to know that you care about him and that you won’t leave him.
He wants to know that he is not alone.
Your guy wants you to have his back and help him out when he needs it. He actually wants to be able to count on you and be emotionally available.
This includes emotional support when he feels vulnerable, say when something in his life hasn’t worked out or his job is weighing on him.
In short, he wants YOU to reassure him and make him feel safe.
5. He Wants Intimacy
Yes, we all know men want sex.
But frankly, this is a stereotype that often does more harm than good in relationships.
He doesn’t just want to have sex with you, he wants to feel CONNECTED to you!
This is something he’s unlikely to say to you.
Men are expected to “be strong and show no weakness” and unfortunately, the man you’re with most likely has also been taught that “wanting to connect is weakness”.
So it might be, that the only way he knows to connect is through sex.
But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want MORE with you.
To him, sex isn’t just about physical pleasure, it’s about him wanting to feel closer to you.
This brings us to the biggest and arguably most important point in all of this.
All the things men want, that we’ve covered so far have something rather simple in common: What he ultimately wants is to feel close and connected to you.
The problem is, men have often been programmed to reject nurturing intimacy and can thereby subconsciously sabotage it in their own relationships.
If you find yourself in a situation where you’ve made endless efforts to make things work with your partner, but he just doesn’t respond the way you’d hope he would, then this might be the very reason.
In it we teach you the things men really need from a woman (That they might not even be able to convey themselves). And we’ll show you how to approach him with a mindset and tools that will finally allow you to get through to him and have him respond the way you want.
If you have any questions or thoughts about what men want, please leave them in the comments section below and we’ll get back to you.
Also if you’d like to read more about this topic, you can check out our post 5 Common Mistakes That Drive Men Away which you might find helpful as well.
We always believed that relationships should be FUN and uplifting! And we were obsessed with finding real-world practical solutions for our relationship problems. Today we help others do the same with our blog.
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The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
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If you feel like you’re not getting what you want from your man. This might be your book.
Do you know what love really is?
Do you feel like your man takes you for granted? That you bend over backwards for him and he doesn’t appreciate or even notice all your crazy efforts?
I got Get The Guy from a friend who was making it out to be full of secret cheats and tricks on how to get men to act the way you want them too.
Do you ever have those moments, where when you say something to your man in the hopes of being heard and acknowledged, it just seems to go right over his head?
Now this one’s not everybody’s cup of tea, since questioning parental authority can be a scary thing.
