Therefore it’s so important to try to avoid the unpleasant conflicts and prevent the damage those would cause in your relationship.
Gabriel and I used to fall into the same pitfalls and fight over cooking, cleaning, presents, etc too.
But we figured out a way out and we rarely fight during Christmas anymore. Here is how we did it:
#1 Putting Your Relationship First Is A Must
Christmas is all about family time.
But it’s important to remember that when you’re married or in a committed relationship your spouse/partner and your kids are your NEW FAMILY.
They are your responsibility and they should be your priority. Not your parents and not the in laws.
Both parents, as well as in laws, can be needy sometimes. But if you want to avoid these dreadful holiday fights, you have to be ready to put your relationship first.
Yourneeds as a couple have to come first.
Relatives’ needs have to become secondary.
Their happiness is not your responsibility, on the other hand, your own and your partner’s well being is.
When Gabriel and I started to treat each other as a priority during Christmas, it made our holiday so much more RELAXED!
And yes, it was extremely hard to say “no” to some of our parent’s wishes and demands, but the benefits for us were absolutely immeasurable.
We actually spent that first Christmas day, just the two of us in our PJs playing video games all day long. We had so much fun! And it felt like being carefree kids again. 🎮
Putting your relationship above relatives is very tricky. They generally fight tooth and nail to prevent it from happening.
Ours certainly did.
But as an adult, you’ve gotta be able to fend for yourself and set boundaries where they’re needed.
#2 Don’t Obsess About Trying To Get Everything Perfect
There is always so much to do when preparing for Christmas.
You first have to get the house sparkling clean, decorate, wrap the presents and then there is all the cooking and baking. It all takes a lot of EFFORT.
The pressure to get everything done and on time can be immense.
I’ve noticed from my own experience, whenever I’m trying to get things done perfectly, I’m far less likely to accept help and at the same time, I’m a lot more susceptible to getting angry and impatient.
It’s like a vicious cycle, where I inevitably end up stuck with a really long list of tasks that I end up having to complete all by myself.
When you’re stressed and on edge the whole time, even a tiny spark can jump start an awful holiday fight.
“Why are there still crumbs in that corner?!”
“Why did you put all the red decorations here and the gold ones there?!
It was supposed to be the other way around!”
“You distracting me with YOUR problems made me just BURN ALL MY COOKIES!”
There is just so much that can go wrong during Christmas. That’s why it’s so important to take the pressure off.
The dishes/decorations don’t need to be perfect! What’s gonna happen if the napkins don’t match the color of the table cloth or if there is one side dish less?
That’s right, NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN! 😉
Worst case scenario your mother in law might frown at you and sigh with disregard. It’s not like she’s not going to find reasons to do that anyway.
If risking getting a disapproving look can save you a lot of work and prevent you from having a hurtful heated argument with your partner, that’s a really good trade-off!
So get ready to relax your standards, accept help and who knows, you might even have some fun preparing the Christmas feast this year! 😉
#3 Don’t Dismiss Your Partner’s Christmas Traditions
Every family has their own set of unique Christmas traditions.
Even when two people come from a very similar background, chances are they’re used to celebrating Christmas in slightly different ways.
For example, your partner might want to make slightly different dishes than the ones you have been intending on making. Or maybe they have always started Christmas dinner at 6 and you generally are always aiming for 9.
These differences in Christmas traditions often become points of conflict and might lead to some intense holiday fights.
It’s as though one person’s traditions contradict the other ones. But it doesn’t need to be this way.
You see I come from Poland, my traditional Christmas dinner consists of a variety of fish and cabbage-based side dishes.
Gabriel is half Austrian, half Swiss. He is used to having Turkey and gratin on Christmas eve.
Our Christmas dishes are just so vastly different, fighting about it might seem inevitable. We have found a really easy solution though.
Gabriel makes all of his own dishes, I make mine and then we share everything. Yes, it’s a lot of work, and we’re left with a ton of leftovers. But isn’t that what Christmas is all about?
Here is why it’s so important to make room for your partner’s traditions:
People often get really emotional about upholding the Christmas traditions from their childhood because they’re often linked to some very precious memories.
That’s why people get so adamant about doing things their way during Christmas. Because these rituals are a means of re-living important moments.
Seemingly superficial things, like e.g. the type of sprinkles on the cookies, might have a far deeper meaning and significance to your partner than they do to you.
And vice versa, certain things you get emotional about, might seem laughable to your other half.
By laughing or rejecting your partner’s ways of doing things, you’re discarding what’s important to them. Of course, they’re going to immediately feel hurt and start an argument.
And vice versa. You’re very likely to get angry when they reject you.
That’s why in order to avoid holiday fights, it’s crucial to be extra understanding and never dismiss each other’s traditions.
Conclusion
Christmas is a trying time for a lot of couples. There are just too many things to fight about.
Letting out all that pent up frustration at your partner can have very severe consequences for your relationship. That’s why it’s extra important to be mindful of your own patterns and keep your priorities straight.
Remember, Christmas is not about having the best decorations or most elaborate dishes, it’s about giving and spending quality time with your loved ones.
That’s why to avoid holiday fights, you have to let go of trying to impress other people and focus on attending to your own and your partner’s needs instead.
Don’t worry about disappointing your relatives, they love you, so they’ll forgive you.
Try to let go of perfectionism and make room for both your own as well as your partner’s traditions and you won’t have much left to fight about!
What is your experience with holiday fights? Let me know in the comments below! I’d love to hear about it.
If you don’t make that a clear resolution, you’re leaving room for others to intervene.
Now there may be some judgement around this, that you’re being selfish and not spending enough time with friends or family.
Karolina and I had this problem, but we stayed vigilant and it’s paid off immensely!
Because now we have an extremely strong bond of trust and know that we can rely on one another. So we had to become comfortable with saying “No” to others, and prioritize each other and our relationship.
Put your relationship first and it’ll create significantly more trust and stability.
2. Improve Communication Skills
This might sound cliche but it’s not as dull and boring as it’s often made out to be.
Karolina and I found that the more we improved our communication, the more we understood each other and the less we fought.
And there’s no better feeling than a year of feeling like you’re consistently making improvements towards understanding each other more!
This means figuring out how to better express where you’re at so that your partner can receive you, as well as truly listening to them.
We’ve created 3 communication hacks that can get you started, as well as a post on how to make him listen. If you want additional resources, we’ve compiled what we consider to be the best relationship books, some of which we’ve highlighted as a great help for our communication skills.
3. Try To Work Better As A Team
It’s sad, but we very frequently see couples quickly turn against each other.
Especially when they’re out on a social event or with family.
A friend makes a remark about one of them and the other partner immediately jumps on the bandwagon and joins in.
“Yeah, it’s true, you’re always waiting and never make decisions yourself! Why?”
I can promise you, this does not end with the person pondering their indecisiveness and making a sudden decision to turn their life around.
If anything, they will shut down, become defensive and possibly counter attack.
So it’s important that you work and think as A TEAM.
Have each others backs, stand in for one another and don’t tolerate others trying to interject.
This is YOUR relationship and the two of you can figure things out TOGETHER.
When you start developing this attitude, it’ll build more trust and safety between the two of you.
And problems like indecision or others can be addressed constructively in the private safety of your home.
4. Have Fewer Arguments This Year
Imagine a year where you spend most of your time with your partner enjoying each other’s company.
Laughing, talking and frolicking in the fields, you name it – you’re doing it and having a blast!
We believe it’s crucial that a relationship should be overall MORE FUN than work.
A big part of what contributes towards this is having fewer arguments.
And In order to achieve this, it’s good to always talk about things that are bothering either of you.
Bottling things up is a big no no, because this is what can lead to very heated or frequent arguments.
You want to make sure you’re keeping an open communication channel and tackling hot topics one at a time.
We covered how to stop fighting at length which might be a helpful resource to you.
Setting this new year’s resolution will remove tension, build trust and create mountains of room for enjoying your lives together.
5. Make Time For Your Relationship
We’re all busy, there are hundreds of things that need doing and the sporadic jumble of thoughts in our minds doesn’t help matters either.
But in the midst of all of this, it’s important to still make time for your relationship.
Why?
Because your relationship can be a rock, a foundation and a fortress.
And when you have that in your life, it makes taking care of things and untangling your mind a whole lot easier!
In other words, don’t try to sort out everything on the outside first and then get to your relationship.
Make TIME for your relationship FIRST and then take care of the rest.
This is important because the tendency is that people DON’T get around to their relationship!
Instead they become overrun by all the things demanding their attention in their lives.
So the foundation gradually shows cracks and crumbles. Eventually leaving nothing to go back to and it needs to build from scratch again.
If you put your relationship first for the coming year, you’ll avoid losing your fortress and can dominate your life from the safety of your keep together!
That concludes my suggested new year’s resolutions. Don’t forget NOT to overwhelm yourself.
Also, let us know what your resolutions are in the comments below. We’d love to hear your ideas.
Good luck and all the best in the new year for you and your relationship!
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Tired of breaking your head over what to get your boyfriend or husband for Christmas? Getting someone a present that they actually like and enjoy is much harder than it seems. But fear not, I’ve got you covered!
These Christmas present ideas were selected with men’s particular desires and needs in mind. So there’s bound to be a gift here to make your boyfriend or husband happy!
I’ve ordered the items on the list according to their price, starting with the budget-friendly ones.
Every man knows that carrying a big bulky wallet in your front pocket is super uncomfortable. That’s why these slim wallets are a great alternative! This thin slip is made of soft genuine leather and comes in a variety of colors and textures. It can fit an ID/driver’s license, 6 bank cards, and up to 10 Bills. The wallet comes with an inbuilt RDIF card protection for extra security.
These checks are filled with witty and playful ideas of sexual as well as romantic trade-offs. They are divided into two types: IOU (I owe you) and UOME (you owe me). This set is designed to look somewhat like an actual old school checkbook. In addition to the love act trade-offs, the checks are full of other playful notes like “Nothing you say may be held against you in a court of love”. No other gift will make your boyfriend or husband happier, than a creative way of promising him some intimate quality time 😉
This is a perfect practical gift especially if your man tends to use his smartphone for navigation while driving. The magnetic mount is compatible with all smartphones. Thanks to the heavy-duty magnets and smooth rubber pad this mount will keep his phone safe and stable through the bumpiest and curviest car rides.
Every man needs a pocket knife he can rely on. This foldable tactical knife is fairly small and subtle, yet sturdy and super sharp. It’s perfect for camping or picknicks as well as all sorts of random everyday uses. This knife is made by a brand known for manufacturing firearms. Every time I use my tactical pocket knife to slice watermelon or something it instantaneously makes me feel more badass. It’s a gift any man will really appreciate.
This musical Beanie is a premium double soft knit hat with built-in Bluetooth headphones and a microphone. This hat will allow him to listen to music and receive phone calls during his favorite outdoor activities in the winter. It comes in a variety of styles and colors. The speakers are 100% detachable, making this hat fully washable. This beanie is a perfect gift for any winter sports lover.
Stephen King is undoubtedly the current um king of suspense and horror. His most recent novel is guaranteed to have your man at the edge of his seat. It tells the story of abducted children that have supernatural powers and are brought to ‘The Institute’. Here the staff is willing to go to any means to extract their abilities and claim them for themselves. Nobody has ever escaped, but the children are determined… He might need you to hold his hands as he suffers the terrifying cliff hangers.
I will divulge a shocking secret here. Men like to nurture living things too! 😱😉The succulents are the perfect plant for beginners, they are hard to kill and require little maintenance. Buying this particular set helps support a great cause. Plants for Pets help to find a new home for homeless pets at risk for euthanasia in Indianapolis.
This elegant felt sleeve will give his laptop a nice snug fit and drop protection. It has two back pockets that can fit a cellphone, earphones or a wallet, which are lined with flannel. If he wants to take a mouse or power adapter with him as well, there is a matching felt pouch. There are sleeves for laptops ranging from 12” all the way up to 15.4”, they also come in two different shades of grey.
It’s hard to go wrong with a handy bottle caddy that also happens to be well designed and functional. The Mealivos caddy will allow him to carry 6 bottles and has a metal handle and bottle opener right on its side. The natural wood and metal elements will give him a stylish and trendy look.
This lens kit features everything he’ll need to take unique pictures with his phone. It comes with a big telephoto lens, a fish-eye-, wide-, star- and a macro lens. So he can capture images in many creative ways. The set also comes with a tripod and a remote shutter, great for pictures beyond arm’s-length and capturing the perfect moment.
This leather keychain/organizer will allow him to neatly arrange his keys and will keep them from rattling in his pocket. In addition, it will protect all his electronic devices as well as his trouser’s pockets from getting scratches. This high-quality, genuine leather key holder can fit up to 10 keys. The sturdy carabiner will let him attach his keys to his belt loop for maximum security. Honestly, I have one of these and it really makes carrying keys in my pockets a lot more comfortable!
This laptop briefcase is made of high-quality water-resistant Vegan Leather. This thin and slim messenger bag is designed with an expandable storage compartment and has a separate cushioned sleeve for some extra protection for your man’s laptop. It comes with a detachable and adjustable strap with a shoulder pad to make it easier to carry on the go. It’s the perfect gift for any elegant man.
The perfect gift for any whiskey lover out there. The steel stones will chill his drink without diluting it with melting water. This set includes 8 stainless steel stones, 2 large size decorative whiskey glasses, 1 pair of metal tongs and a black velvet bag. All items are arranged in an elegant luxury wood display box.
This dynamite hot sauce set is a perfect gift for all the hotheads out there. It includes 7 different hot sauces inspired by exotic flavors and peppers from around the world. The bottles are individually wrapped and tied together to resemble dynamite. The presentation of this product is so creative and cool he will want to pop it open right away.
The addition of the 8″ HD screen and stereo sound has transformed the most popular wireless speaker from Amazon into a multifunctional tablet. Echo Show can be used for messaging and video calls, as well as for watching trailers and TV shows. It can connect and send announcements to all the other mobile devices in your home. He’ll be able to use voice commands like “Hey Alexa, play rock hits” totally hands-free. The assistant can also answer questions, read the news, check and display the weather, set alarms and control smart home devices for him.
This electric trimmer will allow him to take control and care for his gorgeous body hair. Aka manscaping gone cordless. It comes with various adjustable guide combs, 4 trimmers for nose all the way down to body grooming. A USB charger, a cleaning brush and is 100% waterproof. This set is a 16 piece all-in-one solution that can meet his versatile body-hair needs.
This walnut wood docking station is handcrafted using high quality, natural materials. The elegant, minimalist design makes it fit into both modern, as well as classic interiors. It’s a great way for your man to organize and showcase his everyday use items. It can also be used as a stand for watching videos on a tablet!
If your husband/boyfriend is a beer lover, he will certainly enjoy the experiment of making his own homebrew. This kit from Craft A Brew shop will give him everything he needs to get started on a batch of his own beer. All the equipment is reusable, meaning he can enjoy other Craft a Brew fresh-packed ingredients with the same brewing starter kit! He’ll get about a gallon of beer from this kit, or about nine 12-ounce bottles. There are a lot of different recipe kits to choose from here, so you can really pick the one your man will enjoy the most!
This collectible LEGO set can be a great decorative addition to his desk. He’ll enjoy the nostalgic experience of unboxing and following the instructions to put the ship together brick by brick. The model is built with 962 pieces and features cannons, masts, sails & flag. It also includes an elegant stand on which the bottled ship stands.
Ancestry DNA is the clear industry leader in the consumer DNA testing market with more than 1.4 million people in the database. It’s an autosomal DNA test kit that will provide an ethnicity breakdown, as well as relative matches to anyone in their database who shares DNA with your man. It’s a great way for him to learn about his family’s’ origins and maybe even discover some unknown distant relatives.
Yes, a ridiculously large one-gallon bottle of original flavored tabasco. Whether he wants to add flavor to his pizza, spaghetti, garlic bread or toasties, this classic sauce is guaranteed to heat things up just the way he likes.
With this wireless speaker, he’ll be able to enjoy 360º sound with incredible bass and refined sounds at home or in the outdoors. It’s compact handheld design and mesh fabric feel great in the hand and he’ll never need to worry about damaging it, thanks to its rugged mud and waterproof design.
If he enjoys reading, Amazon’s newest ebook reader might be the perfect fit. It’s extremely light, compact and waterproof. With the free 3G connectivity he’ll be able to download his favorite books on the go. The Kindle can store thousands of books and when combined with Kindle Unlimited he can choose Amazon’s vast library.
For all the smart home lovers out there, these lights are perfect for a TV or monitor ambient lighting setup. They can be voice-controlled via Alexa, as well as manually adjusted with the Hue App. The Smart Lights allow for a highly adjustable range of colors. He can even sync the colors to automatically adapt to what he is seeing on his display.
Listening to his favorite music and taking calls with the simplistic and elegant Apple design. These feature active noise cancellation and a ‘transparency mode’ to hear what’s happening around him. The custom-fitted silicone tips also ensure a snug fit for all ear sizes. With these, he’ll enjoy the longest listening time, best bass and a high dynamic audio range wireless earphones can offer today.
Regardless of whether your man is already a fan of the Beats headphone, or you’re just about to introduce him to this popular brand, this gift is bound to make him really happy. These headphones deliver a premium listening experience with Pure Adaptive Noise Cancelling to actively block external noise. The soft over-ear cushions feature advanced venting and ergonomic flexible fit, making them perfect for long term use. They come with a hardshell carrying case or easy and safe transportation. It’s a perfect hight quality gift for any high-value man.
Need a special gift for a gamer? Sony’s newest console is more powerful than its predecessor, with a 1TB hard drive for all the hottest games. He’ll have access to the most highly anticipated PlayStation AAA exclusives and be able to play his favorite games at a 4K resolution in the most vibrant color range.
With a camera kit like this, he can capture all of his outdoor adventures while carrying very light gear. The set comes with a GoPro action camera that features a touch screen at the back to view and manage his 4K, 60 frames/second footage. A 32GB micro SD card, a protective frame with a mount and a rechargeable battery. He’ll also be able to capture the best footage thanks to the inbuilt HDR video stabilization, time-lapse, face smile and scene detection and it’s waterproof even without the housing.
This virtual reality headset is by far the hottest toy of 2019. Thanks to easy setup and all in one package he’ll have everything he needs right out of the box. No complex setup required. It comes with inside-out tracking, two touch controllers and he’ll be able to move around freely without any wires and play the best VR titles anywhere he wants.
The features include an always-on retina display, a 30% larger screen, it’s swim-proof and he can take his cardiogram right on the watch to check on his heart. He’ll be able to personalize the watch face to his taste and see notifications right on the watch. While outdoors the GPS, elevation-meter, fall detection, and emergency SOS add benefits and safety functionality. The apple watch can also help him achieve his health & fitness goals with it’s ‘Closing Your Rings’ mini-game.
I hope you found some great Christmas gifts for your man in our post.
It can be especially frustrating to try to get close to your man and have him reject you and grow increasingly distant.
I’m covering the 6 secrets reasons and WHY he does this.
These are all the secrets that he keeps not so much from you, but from himself.
So bare in mind that he’s often not even conscious of doing these things, this’ll help you apply the knowledge better.
1. He’s Not Aware Of His Emotions
Yes it’s true, there’s an unspoken rule that men aren’t really supposed to express emotions other than anger.
But there’s additional layer to it..
Often men AREN’T EVEN AWARE that they are feeling emotions!
This means he’s not conscious of being emotionally unavailable or distant towards you.
To him everything’s fine. Even if he’s secretly not.
Because of this, you might be trying to find out why he’s so agitated after work and he’ll simply deny anything being wrong.
“What are you talking about? I’m fine”
2. He Has Difficulty Trusting You
He might outwardly communicate that he’s in love with you and wants to build a life with you, etc.
But that doesn’t necessarily means he TRUSTS you.
Yes, I now that sounds bonkers, but let me explain.
Amongst men there’s a general mistrust towards women.
And boys, being in those circles, are unfortunately taught that and pick it up at a young age.
By the time they’re adults it’s something they carry with them, often without even realizing it. Which is often a reason he’s being distant towards you.
As you can imagine this puts roadblocks in the way of your relationship.
There’s a lot of shaming between men when one of them expresses they feel emotionally hurt about something.
They’ll “joke” about it and call him a “Wimp!” “Softey!” or “Girl!”
This leads to habits of hiding and denying his pain, as not to get hurt even more.
In a romantic relationship, this manifests as distance and he’ll be emotionally unavailable.
If you’re in this situation, understand that unless he learns to trust you, he CAN’T admit to feeling hurt..
The risk is simply too great.
Instead, he’ll put his walls up and remain distant towards you.
4. He’s Not Supposed To Be Pampered
I personally LOVE a blueberry smelling hot bath with a cushion and a couple of scented candles.
Add a suspenseful novel to the mix and I’m happy as can be.
It totally helps me relax and unwind.
This however wasn’t always the case for me.
It took me years to learn to allow myself to relax and pamper myself.
(I’ll admit I picked a lot of it up from Karolina :P)
Because it goes against the ‘man rules’. If you enjoy the above, you’re clearly gay and must come out as such.
It’s honestly just another dumb ‘man rule’, that makes absolutely no sense.
But it negatively impacts romantic relationships, because men will often feel like they have to hide their ‘girly side’ from their girlfriends.
This upholds his distance and limits his display of (and of course YOUR access to-) a more gentle and vulnerable side.
5. He Can’t Doubt Himself
Men are often raised to be the ULTIMATE ROCK that people can count on.
Always self-assured, confident and certain of where he is going in life, no matter the storm.
And sure, we certainly aspire to be our best selves and be there for our loved ones.
But maintaining an image of indestructibility and ultimate certainty is absolutely EXHAUSTING!
It also does not help you in a relationship.
If he can’t doubt himself and share concerns or lingering questions about a matter with you, he’ll only show you the strong immutable image.
Which severely limits your access to how he’s ACTUALLY FEELING, which in turn creates distance.
6. Needing Love Is Weakness
Again, this is something he’s mostly likely utterly unaware of.
Because the belief that ‘needing love is weakness’ has been with him from early years.
As you can imagine, such a belief is extremely LIMITING.
And can cause serious distance between the two of you!
Because not only will he NOT look for love from you.
He’ll actively REJECT love coming from you.
I personally struggled with this one for a long time with Karolina. I was SO BLIND to her affection.
We’ve seen this dynamic with our friends as well and it can be tough to get out of.
Be sure to keep an eye out for this one too.
So these are the 6 secrets that cause distance between the two of you:
He’s not aware of his emotions
He has difficulty trusting you
He can’t admit he feels hurt
He’s not supposed to be pampered
He can’t doubt himself
Needing love is weakness
To continue reducing the separation that these limiting beliefs create, you should check out our Rebuild Your Relationship course.
In it, we show you what causes this remote behavior in men and give you precise tools to remove those barriers and replace them with a special bond of intimacy and trust.
If you’d like to share you story or have any questions about the reasons why men are distant, let me know in the comments section. I’d love to help out.
Everybody has the urge to criticize their partner every now and then.
That’s perfectly normal and understandable.
But it’s important to remember that too much criticism will hurt your relationship in the long run and that there is a more productive alternative!
Here I’ll be covering three reasons why being too critical of your partner does more damage than good.
#1 Constant Criticism Is Highly Demotivating
I know this might seem counter-intuitive. Most people tend to believe that being hard on others is a good thing. That a person needs “tough love” in order to stay motivated and strive towards their goals.
In reality, this kind of attitude mostly backfires. Especially when it comes to romantic relationships.
For example, my mom used to be really critical of my dad’s vacuuming.
She used to constantly get on his case about not doing it CAREFULLY ENOUGH.
They used to fight about this all the time when I was little.
By the time I was in my twenties, my dad abandoned ALL EFFORTS at trying to EVER help to vacuum the house.
In fact, through her criticism, my mum has successfully managed to alienate my dad from MOST of the housework and consequently had to do it ALL BY HERSELF.
I noticed that the fights over household chores seem to be a very common problem amongst my friends too.
They all seem to share the same dynamic. The guy’s cleaning is never good enough, hence he gets demotivated and stops doing it at all.
Doing household chores is not the only area that might be negatively affected by too much criticism. The same principles can apply to any behavior of your partner that you keep on reprimanding.
“You work too much, eat too much, game too much. You never make time for me”
The list can go on and on…
Does that mean that you have to just swallow all your needs and never voice a single complaint?
No, by all means, NO!
It is perfectly NORMAL to have particular needs and be unhappy with the way our partner does certain things.
What I’m saying here is that being critical of your partner won’t get you the results you desire.
In fact, it is most likely to have the OPPOSITE EFFECT.
#2 Criticism Creates Resentment In Relationships
On top of getting you the opposite of the desired effects, constant criticism will inevitably create some lasting damage to your relationship.
Every time you criticize your partner about something, you might be discarding their efforts to make you happy.
I know what you’re most likely thinking: “Whaat? But my partner clearly doesn’t care about making me happy?!”
But what if he/she does try just that they’re not doing it the way you’d need it?
Your partner bringing dirty dishes to the kitchen and putting them on top of the dishwasher might be a genuine attempt to help you out with the household chores.
I know to you it might seem like a job halfway done, but to them, it just might be the furthest they dare go…
Maybe their mum used to scold them all the time for putting things WRONG into the dishwasher? And now when they open that dreaded door they just feel lost and overwhelmed.
You don’t know what is going on in their heads.
People rarely do things out of bad intentions. Yet we are all so quick to believe the worst about our partners…
Discarding your partner’s effort, even the smallest ones, will make them resent you for it.
Resentment is a very common problem that inevitably arises in all long term relationships.
It’s like a bag of garbage tossed into a corner. Initially, it doesn’t cause any problems, but as time goes by, the pile gets bigger and bigger and eventually begins to smell…
Every time you shoot down your partner or mock and minimize their efforts that pile of resentment inevitably is growing.
The resentment might not be an issue for the two of you right now, but it is bound to become a big problem in the long run.
That’s why it’s a good habit to choose your words carefully and try to voice your criticism in more delicate ways to minimize the damage.
#3 By Trying To Control Your Partner’s Behavior, You Make It Impossible For Them To Change
Why do we have an urge to be so critical sometimes?
I know from my own personal experience, that me being overly critical happens when I have the need to CONTROL the situation and create a VERY PARTICULAR outcome.
Everybody gets overly critical sometimes. Everybody has areas that make them freak out and get triggered when things don’t go according to plan.
So you know, no judgment there. I get it…
For example, I’m a really difficult person to bake with. I need to follow recipes TO THE GRAM.
Yet Gabriel still sometimes bakes with me. He is a very patient man… 😍We actually have fun backing together these days.
You see, we used to fight about baking and cooking together because I’d try to CONTROL EVERYTHING and he would get annoyed because of it.
But we talked it through and managed to figure it out.
Now he understands my unreasonable urge to control things and I understand that I’m being a bit crazy and blowing things out of proportion.
It turned out that I needed to stop trying to make him do things my way, in order for him to be able to willingly do things my way. Kinda Ironic… 😝😅
By trying to control your partner through criticism, you’re taking away their freedom to give you what you need willingly.
In conclusion, as you can see criticism causes more damage than good in relationships. Positive reinforcement really is the way to go!
We always believed that relationships should be FUN and uplifting! And we were obsessed with finding real-world practical solutions for our relationship problems. Today we help others do the same with our blog.
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To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions.
Functional
Always active
The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
Preferences
The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes.The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
Marketing
The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes.
