You probably just started dating someone and things were magical in the beginning. In the honeymoon phase, your relationship felt fresh and exciting.
Sparks were flying even when you two just touched hands and looked into each other’s eyes. Everything seemed perfect and things just worked out.
But now, after just a couple of months or even weeks of being together, it doesn’t feel like that anymore.
Your relationship felt like true love when you first met, but after the honeymoon phase ended it became plain boring.
You must be wondering. Where did all that magic go?
Is it because you’re the wrong person? Maybe it’s you who is doing something wrong? Can you go back to the beginning and fix things?
Yes, you absolutely can!
There is no need to worry! There is nothing wrong with you or your relationship. Every single couple goes through this process.
Nobody manages to stay in the initial honeymoon phase forever. It is possible to get it back though!
Gabriel and I have been together for over ten years now and we’re still totally into each other. Sometimes we still get so lovey-dovey at parties that people around us roll their eyes and sigh “uhh, get a room you two!”.
Just like you, we had our moments of doubt and there were times when the honeymoon phase felt like nothing more than a distant memory. But we managed to get through those times and kept our romance alive.
In this article, I will cover 4 reasons that cause the honeymoon phase to fade and what you need to do to get it back. But before jumping into that I want to first address what you’re going through right now.
When Does the Honeymoon Phase Typically Wear Off
According to a 2015 New York University study, the honeymoon phase in a marriage can keep on going for up to 30 months, however, there is a sharp decline in spousal satisfaction already after the first 6 months of the relationship.
Every couple is different. Some can stay crazy about each other longer, while others will wake up and become disillusioned sooner.
Among our coaching clients, I would estimate that the honeymoon tends to be over after 3 months of their relationship.
It’s a realistic time frame for when two people get to know each other well enough to start encountering their first serious relationship problems… but more on this later.
What Happens When the Honeymoon Phase Wears Off
When the honeymoon phase wears off, both partners or just one of them lose their rose colored glasses. They start seeing the other’s shortcoming and imperfections. This often results in friction and the first arguments begin.
It’s normal and healthy for couples to fight now and then. We all get emotional and are not perfect communicators. It’s just an inevitable part of any relationship.
Another sad thing that tends to happen when the honeymoon phase wears off, is that one of you will start distancing themselves from the other. Much like with fighting, this is something to keep an eye out for, because if left unchecked for too long, it might even make you drift apart completely.
4 Reasons Why the Honeymoon Phase Wears off and How to Fix Them
Now that you know when the honeymoon phase wears off and what heppens when it does, you’re ready to jump in the four reasons why couples go through this and what you can do about them. You can get back to the honemoon stage in your relationship, but it will take some effort!
Here is what went wrong and how to fix it:
1. Honeymoon Phase Fades When The Novelty Wears Off And Life Goes Back To Normal
Let’s face it, fewest of us feel truly happy and fulfilled in our everyday lives. That’s why we often look to our partner to fix things for us.
Us girls, in particular, have all been thought that once we meet our prince charming, we get to live happily ever after.
In the beginning, love does feel like a fairy tale.
Your partner is a new addition to your life and everything changes.
However, as time goes by, people always revert back to their old patterns.
When you start dating someone, you hardly know them, so you’re likely to fantasize and imagine them to be the solution to all your life’s problems.
Unfortunately, with this kind of attitude, you’re bound to get disappointed really fast. This disappointment will inevitably end the honeymoon phase in your relationship.
The sad truth is, no matter how perfect you are for each other, no person can ever make another person feel happy and fulfilled, no matter how hard they try.
Relationship Chemistry Fix #1: Don’t Expect Your Partner To Make You Happy
If you want to rekindle the spark in your relationship, you’ve got to stop expecting your partner to fix things for you.
You’ve got to take YOUR LIFE in YOUR OWN HANDS and shape it the way you want it to be.
Don’t waste your time waiting for your partner to read your mind and fulfill your expectations.Communicate your needs and wants, make things happen.
Even Disney knows better now.
The modern princesses are not the typical damsels in distress anymore. Nowadays princesses are right in the middle of all the action, they often even end up saving the prince!
(Don’t aspire to be Snowwhite, be Elsa, she is way more badass and sexy.)
2. Believing That You Know Everything There Is To Know About Your Partner Will Make Your Honeymoon Phase Wear Off
When two people start dating, they generally don’t know each other that well.
The process of meeting a stranger and then gradually getting to know him/her better is a big part of what makes the honeymoon phase so thrilling.
There are a lot of unknowns at the beginning of a relationship.
Every date provides an opportunity to get to know more about each other. Everything new you find out about your partner feels fresh and exciting.
However, as time goes by, most people in relationships start believing they’ve already learned everything there is to know about each other.
This is where the thrilling process of opening up and getting to know a stranger ends and the safety inducing yet boring familiarity kicks in.
It’s the end of the honeymoon phase.
Relationship Chemistry Fix #2: Admit it, You Still Don’t Know Everything There Is To Know About Your Partner
I know it might be scary to admit, but your partner is a complex being, with their own unique history, preferences, and desires.
Even though you’ve known each other for a long time, in some ways they are still a bit of a stranger.
If you want to bring back the honeymoon phase in your relationship, you have to let go of that cushy familiarity and embrace the unknown.
There are still things you DON’T KNOW about each other.
Admitting that and making an active effort to learn more about your partner will rekindle that spark from the beginning of your relationship.
3. Expecting Your Partner To Perform His/Hers “Duties” Will Kill The Chemistry In Your Relationship
This might be a hard one to swallow, but if you want to get your honeymoon phase back, you’ve got to stop trying to control your loved one.
Sense of obligation is not hot.
A lot of us have been brought up with the sense that men and women are supposed to serve each other.
That’s why you might be expecting that a man will carry the grocery bags for you, empty the bins, walk you home after a date, etc.
And vice versa, a man might expect a woman to have sex with him whenever he feels like it.
As nice as all these acts of serving each other might be, expecting your partner to “perform their duties”, will inevitably make him/her hate doing it and resent you.
When two people start dating they often do all sorts of little things for each other, because they want to show their appreciation and to charm their potential partner.
However, turning these acts of kindness into an obligation will take all the “magic” out of it.
All couples fall into routines at times and everybody has their own ways getting their partner to do what they want.
Nonetheless, love in only then true when it’s given freely.
Relationship Chemistry Fix#3: Free Your Partner From Their Obligations
If you want to bring back the honeymoon phase in your relationship, you have to give your partner their freedom back.
You have to allow them not to fulfill their obligations.
So if you want that spark back, you’ve got to stop expecting your partner to be a good boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife and just let them be themselves.
This means: no carrying of bags and no obligatory weekly sex…
Your partner needs to EXPERIENCE freedom from their obligations.
Only that can allow them to express their love for you through an act of kindness again.
Doing things purely out of a sense of obligation is just annoying and frustrating. Being genuinely caring, on the other hand, is totally hot.
Setting your partner free out of their obligations will make them feel loved and cared for.
A real act of love and care will reignite the spark between you two.
4. Unspoken Grudges End The Honeymoon Phase
Relationships generally always start with a clean slate.
When two people start dating, they usually barely know each other, which means that they have not spent a lot of time together yet.
As the relationship progresses and you spend more and more time with your partner, unfortunately, you get more and more chances to make the other one upset.
There is no such thing as a perfect match. Two people will always end up hurting each other’s feelings in one way or another.
Sad but true, that’s the reality of all relationships…
This doesn’t even need to include any big transgressions. Even little things like arriving late for a date or choosing to hang out with a friend instead of your partner can feel hurtful at times.
Doing hurtful things is not what kills the chemistry between two people though.
It’s not talking about it and holding a grudge that extinguishes the spark.
Holding grudges will create invisible walls around you and you will inevitably shut your partner out.
Moreover, letting these little things simmer silently over time, will only blow them out of proportion.
Relationship Chemistry Fix#4: Come Clean About The Things That Have Hurt You In The Past And Get Ready To Listen
Admitting to your partner that something they did hurt you, might not be easy. You might feel afraid that bringing these things up will put your relationship at risk, or that it will only cause an argument.
Speaking out about the things that hurt you might be hard but admitting to having done hurtful things is way harder than that.
Communication is a skill that can be developed over time. Here are 3 Easy Hacks to help you through this process.
It’s always more tactical to try to listen to your partner first, before making them hear you out. Otherwise, you’re likely to just end up talking past each other.
Communicating in relationships tends to get messy. It’s ok to fight sometimes, that’s just the reality of how things work. There is no way around it.
Fighting is just a way of figuring things out. Unfortunately, sometimes it’s the only way to resolve an issue.
Resolving Arguments will eliminate the grudges and tear down the walls that are separating you from your partner.
You don’t need to attempt to solve all your relationship problems all at once, hearing your partner out about one small thing, can make a world of difference.
It will reignite that spark and bring you and your partner closer together.
Conclusion
The honeymoon phase is just a fleeting stage that people experience when they first get together. But just because that phase is over, doesn’t mean that the spark is gone.
It is totally possible to bring back that chemistry that made you and your partner crazy about each other when you first met. We have done it ourselves!
Moreover, chemistry can actually get better and stronger over time.
As you build trust and get to know each other, that spark of attraction that connected you and your partner at the beginning can transform into a raging fire, also known as TRUE LOVE.
It takes time and effort to make a relationship work. But believe me, it’s a great investment and it really pays off!
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What are your experiences with the honeymoon phase? What strategies do you use to bring back chemistry in your relationship?
Summer is finally here. It is finally time to escape the constant stress and monotony of your everyday life.
However, the alluring holiday destinations hold unknowns, which can cause tension for both, fresh and seasoned couples.
You might be nervous about heading out on a summer adventure, these five tips will help with the challenges ahead.
Tip 1: Give Yourselves Time To Unwind And Slowly Get Into The Holiday Mindset
Even though the plane might take you far away from all the sources of your every-day stress within hours, your mind might need longer to catch up.
Switching off from a busy work mode and just relaxing, isn’t always so simple.
It can take time to unwind and slowly settle into the holiday mode.
Give yourself and your partner time to find the way into the holiday mindset. Take it easy and go easy on your boyfriend/girlfriend in the first couple of days.
I know holidays can be stressful too, after all, you ‘re probably in a new, unknown place, countless little things that don’t go according to plan. Even small things like taking a wrong turn on a highway, or getting lost in a small town might cause an argument.
In these moments try to remember: you’re on holiday, you’re together and you’ve got time.
There is no schedule you need to follow. No deadlines, no meeting to attend, etc.
So be patient and try to chill. It will become easier as the days go by and both you and your partner settle into the holiday mode.
No-one, not even your phone, can give perfect directions. Who knows, one wrong turn might just take the two of you to a way more charming and unique destination!
Tip 2: Enjoy Your Couples Holiday As Though It’s Not Going On Social Media
People love to post their holiday photos online and rake in likes. All the couples on Facebook or Instagram are madly in love and are having the time of their lives.
Food, vistas, selfies -everything is picture perfect.
Behind the scenes, however, the “perfect couples” are fighting just as much as anybody else. So don’t be fooled by all these perfect images and don’t try to uphold some imaginary standards.
Nobody is perfect and your couples holiday is not a competition.
I personally find that focusing on taking pictures and posting them online often take me out of the moment. So if you want to fully enjoy the quality time with your partner, why not take the performance pressure off?
Try to live your holiday as though you were not going to post it online.
Do it for yourselves, not for the validation. In fact, let your couples holiday be so awesome, it should be kept top secret. You wouldn’t want to send your friend and followers writing in fits of jealousy, would you? Not that that can’t be fun too…
The point being, you don’t need to prove anything to anybody.It’s about the two of you having great times together, pictures serve reliving those fond memories.
Tip 3: Don’t Compromise Right Away, Find Creative Solutions To Make The Most Of Your Couples Holiday
They say that compromise is necessary to make a relationship work. I personally think that people are often way too quick to jump into it.
Gabriel and I often find ourselves wanting two different things while on holiday. I’m sure you and your partner will have to cope with that problem too.
When faced with that kind of dilemma keep in mind that you are two individuals with particular wants and needs both equally valid. Compromising too soon can often lead to mutual dissatisfaction and silent resentment.
Instead of giving up on your preferences and trying to meet halfway, take some time to listen and understand one another. These 3 Easy Communication Hacks can help you with that.
Look for creative solutions. Figure out ways in which you both get what you want.
For example: if your partner is a tanned surfer who wants to spend all day on the beach, but you are pale skinned and love to read, get an umbrella. This way he/she can go conquer the waves, while you devour your favorite novels in the shade, all while being within eyeshot.
Couples often don’t want to buy big things like umbrellas, because they’re impossible to take with on an airplane and you’re forced to leave it behind every single time. It is true and it is a waste, however, little investments like this can make a huge difference to the quality of your time together.
If something so simple like an umbrella can save you and your partner from an unpleasant quarrel or expectations being let down, go get it!Yours and your partner’s happiness is worth it!
Deciding what and where to eat is another common source of conflict for many couples who are on a holiday together. If you’re a steak lover, but your partner is vegetarian, take the time to choose a restaurant that caters to both your appetites.
Figure it out, talk and listen. If you give up and compromise too soon, most likely neither of you will get what they want.
A solution to a seemingly hopeless dilemma may be right around the corner.
Tip 4: Being Together On A Couples Holiday Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Be Apart
Sometimes your preferences will be so different, it’s going to be impossible to find a solution for both of you to be happy.
Many couples, Gabriel and myself included, struggle with this issue. But just because you’re on a holiday as a couple, it doesn’t mean you have to be together all the time.
None of you needs to give up on your individual preferences, you can just spend some time apart instead.
For example: if one of you wants to chill by the hotel pool, and the other one is so sunburned, that the only thing he or she can do is lie flat under the air conditioner pleading for the pain to pass, spend a few hours apart.
There’s no need to be glued to the hip at all times.Give yourselves that freedom.
Needing to spend time apart might seem like a sign of a problem in your relationship. It might make you think: “Are we a good match?”, “What if we’re just too different?”.
Everybody has thoughts like that when they disagree about something important with their partner. So don’t let the doubt ruin your vacation.
All couples face this problem. There is no such thing as a “perfect match”. Even if you know couples who seemingly are in perfect harmony at all times, let me assure you, that’s not the whole picture.
Just because you need to spend time apart on a couples holiday doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with your relationship.
Tip 5: You And Your Partner Are More Important Than Your Vacation
Last but not least, the pressure to make the most of your couples holiday, can sometimes become too much and ruin your quality time.
Having a dedicated week or two for exploring a location can be a lot of pressure. You might want to make the most of it by jam-packing it with interesting things to do and force yourselves to strictly follow the initial plan because you don’t want to miss out!
Fear not, this is isn’t your last vacation. Keep in mind that if you love this particular place, you can always come back.
It’s ok to miss out on planned activities.
The museum just closed, the ticket queue is too long or one of you is be too tired to go sightseeing, hiking or surfing. That’s ok, you can always do that thing you were planning on doing next time.
This happened to Gabriel and myself countless times.
During one of our road trips we drove to Venice, I really wanted to see the Architecture Biennale. Unfortunately, we completely lost track of time and arrived in Venice on a Monday thinking that it was a Sunday. The exhibition was closed (all museums in Venice are closed on Mondays).
I was quite devastated, so we bought a bottle of wine to drown my sorrow away. We ended up having a lovely walk around and the most romantic evening. Even though I didn’t get to what I planned to go to Venice for, it ended up being absolutely magical and fun.
So don’t let silly opening times ruin your couples holiday. Find a lovely restaurant, Get To Know Your Man Better with a couple of questions and take in the vistas. There are countless ways to make a vacation special. Don’t get too attached to your schedules. Main tourist attractions are often overrated anyway.
The goal of a summer holiday is to make you and your partner feel good. This vacation is here for you, not the other way around.
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Also, let me know what your struggle most with while on holiday as a couple and how you and your partner deal with it!
Being in a relationship with a person who doesn’t trust you can be challenging, especially if their lack of trust feels completely unjustified. You’ve done nothing but prove yourself as a trustworthy person, treated your partner with love and respect, you were reliable, you were there for them yet he or she is still distant and doesn’t want to let you in.
This kind of situation can be extremely hurtful and frustrating.
Don’t worry though, this is a very common problem and you can fix it.
There are lots of ways you can gain your partner’s trust.
In this article, I will share the strategies that helped me get Gabriel to trust me more.
1. Don’t Take Their Mistrust Personally
I know that is a difficult one. Your loved one not trusting you often feels very personal. However, chances are your partner’s trust issues arose way before you two started dating.
If you have done nothing to lose your partner’s trust, you’re probably in the clear. His or her lack of trust has most likely nothing to do with you or your behavior.
Maybe they have been cheated on in the past or betrayed by their best friend. Or maybe their parents were very unreliable and always arrived late when picking them up from school.
Everyone goes through their share of disappointments in people.
Believing that your partner’s trust issues are your fault will most likely lead to you blaming him/her for it. It will cause an argument and both you and your partner will end up feeling hurt.
So don’t take responsibility for issues you have not caused.
2. Don’t Push Them Out Of Their Comfort Zone
When being in a relationship with a person who has problems with trust, you might feel tempted to try to push them past their issues. Even though this attitude might give you some quick results, it will absolutely backfire in the long run.
People say “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. Or that you have to push past your limits, otherwise you won’t get anywhere in life.
This kind of attitude really doesn’t work when it comes to building trust.
Trying to force your partner to trust you will most likely resent you for it. In the long run, it will only just push him/her away.
There are times in relationships when taking certain steps might feel like a bit of a jump. However, there is a difference between being slightly uncertain about some decisions, and feeling completely lost and overwhelmed.
If you want to gain your partner’s trust, don’t push them to do things they’re ready for.
3. Notice Their Vulnerability And Reward It With Kindness
Letting another person into your intimate emotional space is scary. Understand that for your partner it might be a big deal to trust you even with little things.
Learn to notice when your partner is being vulnerable and always try to reward that behavior.
For example, if your partner wants to rearrange the furniture in his/her bedroom and asks for your advice, don’t take charge and try to redecorate the entire place.
Notice that, by asking for your opinion, your partner is being vulnerable and reward it by listening to him/her and helping to find a solution he or she will be happy with.
Rewarding vulnerability will encourage your partner to open up and trust you more.
4. Be There For Them When They’re Weak
Everybody faces some tough times in life. Being there for your partner in their hour of need is a great way to earn their trust.
There are multiple ways to show your partner you have their back when they need you most.
Some are really simple like doing the grocery shopping and cooking for them when they catch a cold.
When a person truly needs help, the simplest acts of kindness can really make their day.
For example, I’ve strained a muscle while exercising recently and as a result couldn’t put my socks on without feeling major pain.
Letting Gabriel put my socks on for me for a week actually felt very vulnerable, but at the same time, it was a great trust-building experience.
Allowing your partner to be weak around you will inevitably open them up and will let you gain their trust.
5. Show An Active Interest In Them
Deep down we all love to talk about ourselves. Nothing will help to gain your partner’s trust more, than showering them with attention. Listen to them, understand their world. Get to know their opinion on things, their likes, and dislikes.
Even if you feel like you know your partner completely, remember, there is always more to learn about a person.
Showing an active interest in your partner give him/her space to be their true self around you. It will help to let their guard down and build trust towards you.
Being together with a person who is afraid to trust can be challenging. Nonetheless, there is a lot you can do to improve it.
Building trust takes time and requires lots of patience. However, every little step on the way of getting your partner to let you in is extremely rewarding.
Moreover, trust is not a finite resource in a relationship. There is no such thing as trusting somebody completely. So no matter what stage your relationship you’re in, there is always room for more trust between you and your partner.
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I’d love to hear about your experiences with trust building in your relationship. Let me know in the comment section below!
Getting to know your man is an endless journey, there are always more layers to uncover and things to discover. Questions are obviously a fantastic way to dig a little deeper to find the good stuff.
If you’ve fallen into the trap of assuming you’ve learned everything there is to know about him, think again.
Every man carries with him, an endless pool of untold stories, mysteries and sometimes secrets he is not even aware of carrying.
I want you to look at your partner and imagine that he was once a baby, a kid, a teenager and then grew into the man he is today.
That is a lot of time!
By the time he is 30 years old, he has spent about 260,000+ hours on this planet!
That means he’s met hundreds of people, had thousands of thoughts and countless emotional experiences.
No matter how much my girlfriend Karolina talks to me, there are always new things she discovers about me (often to my own surprise) and men trust their partner more when they’re curious about them!
So here they are.
Questions to Know Him Better:
1. Did you prefer hanging out with girls or boys as a kid?
2. Who were your best friends in life?
3. Do you have any scars and what are their stories?
4. What was a secret you kept as a kid, that you haven’t told anybody to this day?
5. What is the one thing you’ve always been curious to try but never dared to?
6. What do you think is wrong with the world and how would you fix it?
7. Were you closer to your mother or father?
8. Is there something that society deems restricted to women that you’ve always been curious to try?
9. What is the biggest burden you carry all by yourself?
10. If you could have one superpower what would it be and what is the first thing you would do with it?
11. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
12. What was your favorite band as a teenager and what were their top songs?
13. What is it you enjoy most in your life and what does it give you?
14. What’s your least favorite habit in people?
15. If you were a car, which would it be?
16. What is something you wish you had more time for in your life?
17. What stereotype of men do you vehemently disagree with?
18. If you had a month to yourself with endless money, what would you do?
19. Are you comfortable sleeping at night? Is there anything that would make it better?
20. What is your favorite musical instrument and what makes it so special?
21. If you could turn back time, what would you undo?
22. What science fiction technology, do you wish was ubiquitous today?
23. Do you have role models? Who are they and what do you admire about them?
24. What movie had the biggest impression on you in your youth?
25. Is there something you always wished somebody would ask you, but nobody ever did?
26. What is an opinion you previously held as true that you disagree with today?
27. Do you believe you can trust people?
28. What is that one things that is missing most in your life?
29. At what point in your life did you feel the most inspired and by what?
30. What would a special somebody need to do, to make you feel really loved today?
Now remember not to just work your way down the list, this isn’t an interrogation after all.
So, these questions are a great start to get to know your man better, but they will have their limits. If you’re interested in bringing him even closer, be sure to check out our FREE 4-day Relationship Challenge.
You’ll learn how to connect with him on an even deeper level, that will make him want to open up towards you. Additionally, it will help you break any bad habits that are likely to shut him down again.
Being together with a guy who doesn’t want to commit is tough. It forces you to live in constant fear of being left. You might be asking yourself: “Is it my fault?” “Am I doing something wrong or is it that I’m simply not good enough?”
These are all very hurtful thoughts. Being uncertain whether your relationship will last or not can be very disheartening. But don’t worry. It is possible to get a man to commit!
I’ve done it. When we first started dating Gabriel was not sure whether he believed in monogamy at all. But as our relationship progressed, his attitude changed dramatically.
We are now fully committed to each other and often talk about growing old together.
In this article, I will share some tips that can help to get your man to commit.
1. Don’t Commit To Someone Who Is Not Serious About You
Before even beginning figuring out how to get a man to commit, you first have to filter out the ones that are not really interested in being in a relationship with you.
Sometimes you might find yourself having a crush on someone who does not reciprocate. When that is the case, it’s important to realize it as early as possible to avoid or minimize pain and heartbreak. That’s why it’s essential that you learn to notice when a person is stringing you along.
Actions speak louder than words. When you start dating someone who just happens to not be really that into you, chances of them admitting it straight to your face are slim to none.
A guy will rarely say to a girl “look, I’m not sure you’re quite good enough for me, so let’s keep this going and I’ll just keep looking… ok?”
That’s a really hurtful thing to say to a person.
However, it is really easy and quite common to communicate the same thing with actions.
Some things to look out for include:
Taking forever to reply to your texts
Never or rarely making an effort to arrange a date
Coming late or canceling last minute
Ghosting you for a couple of days or weeks and then reaching out again
Being vague/non-communicative
Lying or making up excuses
These kinds of behaviors communicate “I don’t really care about you, or this relationship”. People do these kinds of thing all the time. It’s not just guys who string girls along. Women do it as much as men do. Let’s be honest here, everybody does it. I’m not proud of it, but I’ve done it in the past too.
Regardless of how common and widespread this kind of treatment is, it doesn’t make it is ok. It is a hurtful thing to do to a person.
That’s why, if a guy treats you this way, it’s best to just move on.
You deserve to be with someone who will truly value you, someone who will make an effort to get to know you and win your love.
There are plenty of fish in the sea. There are a lot of guys out there who want to commit. So don’t waste your time chasing after the ones who don’t.
2. Don’t Try To Force A Guy To Commit To You
In order to get a guy to commit to you, you can’t try to force him into it. Commitment is a choice that he has to make for himself.
Us girls have a lot of covert ways of getting what we want out of our partners. We cry, withhold affection, dramatize. There are countless tactics women use to get men to behave a certain way.
Everybody gets a bit controlling every now and then. I’ve thrown tantrums for many trivial reasons.
But trying to make your partner do things your way is not a good habit for your relationship. Period. However, when it comes to commitment, it can really only do more harm than good.
When you pressure your partner to commit to you, you take away his choice to do so willingly.
To illustrate how commitment is not something you can forcefully make happen I will share a story of a friend of mine.
She was in a happy, committed relationship, living with her boyfriend, who totally loved her and wanted the relationship to last. However, she really wanted him to propose.
She kept on obsessing about it. Talked about it to all of her friends, got upset at him over and over again. This fight went on between them for a bit over a year.
After a while, she somehow managed to relax about not being engaged. She accepted that he will propose to her when he feels ready to.
About a month after my friend’s change of attitude, her boyfriend proposed.
After the proposal, he said to her
“I couldn’t do it before. As long as you were stressing me about proposing, I felt like I’d be only doing me to make you happy. I didn’t want to propose to you just to make you happy, I wanted to propose to you because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you”.
She was super shocked and happy, she couldn’t believe it, yet it made perfect sense to her. They are happily married now.
In conclusion, commitment is about choosing to be faithful, truthful and trustworthy.It’s like a gift that you and your partner choose to give each other.
Gifts by their very nature have to be given freely.
3. Understand That Men Crave Commitment Too
It is a popular belief that only women crave the stability and safety of a committed relationship, whereas men just want to conquer and “spread their seed”.
Seeing the world through this lens forces both women and men to perceive the other as their enemy, due to this inherent conflict of interest.
Perceiving your partner as an enemy will inevitably hurt your relationship. Unfortunately, this divide between the sexes is so heavily reinforced in our society, it is really hard to escape it.
That is the reason why women try to control their boyfriends and pressure them into commitment. They simply feel like there is no other way.
However, that is not the case at all.
The truth is, there are a lot of men out there who crave the level of stability, safety, and intimacy that can only be achieved in a long-lasting committed relationship.
Men are taught to be strong, to show no weakness. Needing safety and being afraid of abandonment is a weakness. So it makes sense that men would be less likely to express it.
Perceiving your boyfriend not as a man, but as a person, will open him up. It will help you gain his trust and will inevitably make him grow more attached to you.
4. Become Irreplaceable to Him By Getting To Know Your Man And Building Trust
The best way to make sure that your man will never leave you is by providing value that simply cannot be replaced.
There are always going to be some other girls out there that are prettier, more fit or smarter than you. So it’s rather pointless to try to compete in these domains.
However, when it comes to knowing your man and gaining his trust, you have the advantage over all other women.
It takes time to get to know a person and even longer for them to open up and start truly trusting you.
Making an effort to get to know your man provides a huge value to them. It makes them feel important and appreciated.
He will begin to feel like he can be himself around you and that is rare, not many people get to experience that.
We all only show the facade of our true personality to the outside world because it is vulnerable to be ourselves. Everybody has lots of protective layers that they have built over the years.
Getting a guy to peel off these layers and let you in, takes time.
Another aspect of your relationship that can become completely irreplaceable is the trust you have built with your partner.
Just like with getting to know each other, trust building doesn’t happen overnight.
Trust is such a powerful quality in a relationship because it really solidifies the bond between you and your man. It is the foundation for love to grow.
If you manage to get your man to trust you, he will definitely want to commit to you.
Now that you know that getting a man to commit to you is all about connecting with him on a deeper level, you might also want check out our FREE 4-Day Relationship challenge.
Here you’ll receive four insightful lessons and activities to boost your relationship. These four little things might just be what you need to get him to finally openly declare his attachment to you!
Relationships can be tough and there are times you might want to give up on them entirely. Here are 50 songs to help you restore your belief in true love again.
We’ve compiled some of our favourites that helped us as individuals and together along our journey to loving and understanding each other more.
The tracks are divided into Vocal and Instrumental and are in alphabetical order.
Cheesiness inbound. You’ve been warned.
Vocal
1. A Whole New World · Disney’s Aladdin
2. All I Ask Of You · Emmy Rossum & Patrick Wilson
3. Better Place · Rachel Platten
4. Breaking Free · Disney’s High School Musical
5. Call It What You Want · Taylor Swift
6. Can You Feel The Love Tonight · Disney’s Lion King
7. Capital Letters · Hailee Steinfeld
8. City of Stars · Ryan Gosling & Emma Stone
9. Colors Of The Wind · Disney’s Pocahontas
10. Dreaming My Dreams · The Cranberries
11. Everything Has Changed · Taylor Swift, Ed Sheeran
12. Fight For This Love · Cheryl
13. Fire Meet Gasoline · Sia
14. Helium · Sia
15. I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing · Aerosmith
16. I Have Nothing · Whitney Houston
17. I Love You Too Much · The Book of Life
18. I See The Light · Disney’s Tangled
19. I wanna Grow Old with You · Westlife
20. If I Had You · Adam Lambert
21. Invisible · Linkin Park
22. It Girl · Jason Derulo
23. Love Me Like You · Ellie Goulding
24. Love You More · JLS
25. Lucky · Jason Mraz, Colbie Caillat
26. My Love · Sia
27. Never Had A Dream Come True · S Club 7
28. Part of Your World · Disney’s The Little Mermaid
29. Red · Taylor Swift
30. Ska8ter Boy · Avril Lavigne
31. Strange Magic · Electric Light Orchestra
32. Tale As Old As Time · Disney’s Beauty & the Beast
33. With Me · Sum 41
34. You Raise Me Up · Cover by Josh Groban
35. You’re Still The One · Shania Twain
Instrumental
36. Pride & Prejudice – A Postcard to Henry Purcell · Jean-Yves Thibaudet
37. Peter Pan – Fairy Dance · James Newton Howard
38. Edward Scissorhands – Ice Dance · Danny Elfman
39. Star Trek – Labor of Love · Michael Giachinno
40. Gone With The Wind Main Title · Max Steiner
41. FB&WTFT-Newt Says Goodbye to Tina · James Newton Howard
42. Love Actually – PM’s Love Theme · Craig Armstrong
43. Spirited Away – Reprise / Again · Joe Hisaishi
44. Shrek – Ride The Dragon · Harry Gregson Williams
45. HTTYD – Romantic Flight · John Powell
46. The Spectacular Now – Sutter and Amy · Rob Simonsen
47. Sherlock – The Woman · David Arnold
48. Beauty & The Beast – Transformation · Alan Menken
49. Stardust -Tristan & Yvaine · Ilan Eshkeri
50. Braveheart -Wallace Courts Murron · James Horner
What are the songs you listen to, to inspire your love? Let us know in the comments below!
We always believed that relationships should be FUN and uplifting! And we were obsessed with finding real-world practical solutions for our relationship problems. Today we help others do the same with our blog.
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The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
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