How to Build a Lasting Relationship

by Karolina Brenner | Jan 31, 2019 | Commitment

Photo by Nathan Dumlao

Building a lasting relationship isn’t an easy endeavor but it’s not impossible. In this article, I will share the strategies that helped us made our relationship indestructible.

I organized my advice for you into the following main points:

• Choose the right person
• Don’t jump into commitments
• Make an active effort to get to know your partner
• Learn how to resolve arguments
• Build trust over time
• Be honest with your partner
• Team up with your partner
• Patience
• Follow your heart and trust your gut
• Don’t give up.

I will cover each one of these in detail.

Let’s jump right in!

1. Choose The Right Person

It is a common misconception that love is all about finding this one perfect person. Once you’re together everything will just fall into place.

That’s nonsense of course. No relationship is ever going to be completely effortless. However, finding the right partner is an important component that will either make or break a relationship.

But what do I mean by “the right partner”??

In my personal experience, these were the factors that I was guiding myself by when we first started dating:

Choose Someone You Really Want To Commit To

It takes two people to make a relationship last and YOU are one of them.

Just because a guy likes you, it doesn’t mean you have to like him back. Even if he seems like a good and safe bet.

Some girls say that even without the initial spark, chemistry might develop over time. They decide to trust their heads over their sexual desire and choose to be with someone because it seems like the reasonable thing to do.

I personally believe that you shouldn’t repress drives that you anyway cannot control. I’ve known people who repress and deny their needs for so long, that they often end up cheating on their partner.

So choose somebody you really want to be with! And when it comes to evaluating people, your emotions are your best compass.

You’ll know when something feels off. Follow your heart, listen to your instincts, trust your gut and GO FOR IT!

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

When we first started dating, Gabriel was like”I’m not sure what I want right now, let’s not define us just yet blah blah blah”.

But at the same time, he was arranging these crazy romantic dates and was making so much effort to get to know me. I’d never met or even heard of a guy who was so thoughtful and sweet.

I decided to trust his actions over his words and about a month and a half since we started dating he was suddenly like “I guess I do want us to be in an exclusive relationship. ..”

Side Note here.

I think it is perfectly natural for people to be hesitant about wanting or not wanting to commit in the very beginning of a relationship. It’s kinda logical, you’ve just started dating. You don’t know this person yet.

I think for me personally the first couple of weeks of undefined relationship status were actually really good. Having the space and time allowed me to slowly build the necessary trust I needed in order to let Gabriel into my life more.

Taking things slowly has been our approach in general and it really worked out for the best. 

2. Don’t Jump Into Commitments

Jumping into commitments hastily is often a sign of uncertainty and desperation. Big no no.

In order to explain why, I’m going to outline the difference between trust and blind faith.

Trust develops as people grow closer and get to know each other better. Trust in a relationship is based on your past experiences with that person.

For example, Gabriel had too many negative experiences with his family, that kept breaking his trust. Over time this lead to him not trusting anybody and going lone wolf. It wasn’t until years into our relationship that he suddenly announced:

“You CARE! You actually CARE about me!?”

He was so used to being betrayed, that me being there for him consistently over the years accumulated in me changing his mind.

This built immense trust from him and guess what? He became even more protective and fiercely loyal. So build each other up and build trust, it pays off immensely.

Blind faith, on the other hand, doesn’t require any past experiences. Blind faith is a way of repressing your doubts and pushing yourself past them. Your emotional alarm bells are ringing but you choose to ignore them and blindly believe that whatever it is you’re choosing, is going to magically work out.

I don’t know about you guys, but I have made many life choices based on blind faith and they didn’t work out the way I had hoped.

Making big commitments on a whim, will not get you that stable long-lasting relationship you’re longing for. There are just too many unknown factors.

Like with anything else in life, you’ve gotta take control and shape your relationship the way you want it to grow and this takes TIME, like years!

Don’t Let Others Pressure You Into Commitments

As if being constantly faced with own own fears and uncertainties wasn’t confusing enough. On top of that, there are people that just love adding fuel to the flame.

Relatives (in particular parents and grandparents) LOVE to try to control younger people’s love lives.

“When are you finally going to bring a boyfriend home? Do I have to find one for you, myself?”

“Why aren’t you guys getting married yet? When am I going to get my grandchildren?”

I’ve heard these sort of comments ever since I turned 15. They are super annoying.

For years they made me feel like I was somehow defective for not following the prescribed dating schedule.

For the longest time, I never introduced any of my boyfriends to my family, just because I knew they would make such a big deal out of it.

Pressure from relatives does more damage than good. It’s not easy to deal with it. Don’t let them bully you into making relationship choices for you!

About Peer Pressure

Everybody is a little bit insecure. Back in the 2000s, when I was in high school, smoking was cool. So I smoked every now and then in order to be perceived as cool.

Peer pressure works the same way in regards to relationships. When all of your friends have boyfriends and you’re the only one who doesn’t, it feels kinda crap.

Things start getting even worse when they all suddenly start to get married, buy houses together and prepare to have kids.

This pressure is hard on both men and women and it’s easy to fall for it.

Remember love is not a race. There is no need for hurrying things along.

Moreover, there are no prescribed steps or a “one right way” of doing relationships. Everybody is different.

Don’t let the expectations of other people drive you. Commit only when it feels like it’s something YOU truly want.

3. Make An Active Effort To Get To Know Your Partner

One crucial factor that contributes to making a relationship last is growing the bond between you and your partner. There is always more there to learn about them.

The better you get to know each other, the better you will become at understanding how the other one ticks.

It’s important to make an active effort to continuously understand your partner better.

We all have our stereotype biases and are a bit stuck in perceiving other people a certain way. But being on the receiving end of these kinds of judgments can be extremely hurtful.

I’m fairly short and have long blond hair. Whenever I’m in a business setting I hardly ever feel taken seriously. I had a similar experience with guys in my life.

They would try to exclude me from their “serious manly discussions”, or make assumptions as to what movies or music I like.

People are quick to assess and classify others. They say “Oh she is a Libra, she can’t make up her mind about anything”, “All girls just want to get married and have babies” or “Guys only think about sex and sports”. Most of these stereotypes are very inaccurate.

Each one of us is a unique human being with their own personal needs, preferences, and desires.

Perceiving your partner through a lense with all sorts of prejudice that is prevalent in our society, will inevitably make you two grow apart.

Making an active effort to get to know your boyfriend/girlfriend as a person can stop and even reverse the damage.

If you are having trouble understanding and getting to know your partner, you might want to check our our article: Why Are Relationships So Complicated?

4. Learn How To Resolve Arguments

Resolving arguments is such an important life skill, yet we are never really taught how to do it. There are debate clubs in schools, but the purpose of a debate is mostly to dominate your opponent.

Many people seem to apply the same strategy to their relationship disagreements.

Instead of striving to resolve the conflict at hand, we tend to focus on trying to win the fight.

Unfortunately this strategy only leads to more fighting, holding grudges and the issue deepening. It will weaken and can eventually damage your relationship.

That’s why, the ability to resolve arguments is crucial for making a relationship last. 

Here are some of our tips which can help you out with this:

Take Turns When Listening To One Another

There are always two sides to every fight.

Sometimes in order to be able to listen to your partner complain about behavior of yours, you need them to hear you out too.

Take turns listening to one another. Divide it into bite-sized chunks.

Gaining an understanding of even a smallest of issues between you two, can make all the difference.

Don’t Try To Solve Everything In One Go

When I used to be upset about things in the past, I wanted Gabriel to get EVERYTHING that I was upset about. That’s impossible though.

The bigger the issue the longer it’s going to take to solve it.

It’s all about taking a series of baby steps. In a couple of months, these can totally transform your relationship for the better.

Being Patient & Understanding Resolve Arguments Faster

This one is a tricky one. Nobody is infinitely patient and understanding. We all have our limits.

At the same time, it’s worth keeping in mind that kindness and positive reinforcement can work wonders.

Being kind to yourself and going easy on your partner might get you what you want much sooner than arguing about it. 

If you need more advice on how to deal with arguments in a relationship be sure to check out our article on How To Stop Fighting In Your Relationship.

5. Build Trust Over Time

The most important thing to understand about trust is that it’s a feeling.

And a really good one on top of that. It feels warm, fuzzy, stable and kinda grounding. Having someone you can trust is awesome.

A feeling is just a chemical reaction that goes on in the brain.

That’s why you can’t expect your partner to trust you, just because you want them to.

They can’t control their feelings just like you can’t control yours.

You can feel your feelings, or repress them and let them eat you up from inside, but you can’t control them.

Building trust takes time.

So how do you do it?

It’s quite simple really, you’ve just gotta be reliable, honest, supportive and caring. 😅

It’s just something that will naturally develop as you get to know each other better and grow closer.

There Can Always Room For More Trust In A Relationship

An important side note here. There is no such thing as trusting somebody completely. People say they do it, but I disagree.

There is always room to increase the amount of trust between you and your partner.

What I’m saying here is that having your partner’s trust and you trusting them is not an end goal. It’s a progressive development that will continuously make your relationship stronger.

6. Be Honest With Your Partner

Honesty is the foundation for the trust in a relationship.

But what does ‘Being honest with your partner’ exactly mean?

Do you have to share your every single thought with them?

Maybe… we kinda do that actually

It’s actually really relieving to be able to share all your thought with someone, it’s lots of fun too!

I don’t believe honesty is about sharing everything that goes through your brain. It’s just about the important stuff. The things that actually have an impact on the relationship.

We all know when we’re hiding something from our partner, or when we’re being dishonest about something.

Hiding and lying never work in a long run. The truth has a way of coming out sooner or later.

So if you want your relationship to last, you’ve gotta be honest with your partner.

Honesty Takes Courage

I was brought up with the attitude of not wanting to burden others with my problems. This meant keeping things to myself in order not cause other people some sort of distress.

However, already as a kid, I noticed that that attitude was counterproductive. For example, women in my family never admitted to health issues.

Keeping secrets like this just ended up making everyone endlessly worry about their state.

I think hiding things from your loved ones has little to do with not wanting to burden them, and everything to do with not having the guts to come out with your problems.

Admitting certain thoughts or feelings can be very scary but it totally pays off. Besides it’s okay to have needs! 

Sometimes People Don’t Want To Hear The Truth

It takes courage to admit certain things, but being on the receiving end of a confession can be just as much of a big deal.

Your partner revealing parts of themselves that might threaten your relationship may just make you think:

“Why is he/she telling me this, can’t we just pretend and act as if nothing ever happened?!”

Certain truths can be hard to bear, like that your partner feels attracted to someone else, or is unsure whether he/she is ready to fully commit yet etc.

If you let those things go unacknowledged, they will inevitably create a rift and destroy the trust between you and your partner.

So hearing your significant other out, can be scary at times. But the consequences of ignoring them are far worse.

So be brave! And encourage each other to share the truth. 

7. Team Up With Your Partner

Working as a team is extremely important in a relationship. It’s a skill you will develop and perfect as your relationship grows stronger

Nothing Helps You Boost Your Team Dynamic, Like uniting Against A Common Enemy. ⚔

This makes me think of an incident that happened to me in the summer.

Gabriel and I were sunbathing at a grass field at our local pool.

I went to get us a bottle of cold beer from the pool bar, when I got back an angry lifeguard came up to us and started shouting at me.

Later we learnt it was forbidden to use glass in that whole pool compound but he was aggressive and verbally assaulting me, instead of informing us about that.

Both Gabriel and I really stood our ground and fought him off. (If glass is forbidden there, why did they sell bottles at the pool bar? Or why did they not inform the customer?)

In the end, the angry lifeguard turned almost polite and even went to the bar and got us plastic cups. We poured our beer, disposed of the evil bottle, and the guy finally left us alone.

Throughout the whole experience, Gabriel really had my back. We created a common front that was impossible to break.

Having someone defend you and fight with you in a situation like this is just the best!

Teaming up like this can really strengthen your relationship and make you feel INVINCIBLE! 

8. Patience

Building a long lasting relationship takes time.

It’s like running a marathon. If you push yourself or your partner too hard in the beginning, you might not make it to the finish line.

Unfortunately, we are all in a hurry nowadays. We’re all rushing to get to the next big thing in our lives.

Often we’re under a lot of pressure form our parents, or even our peers and consequently we might be pushing ourselves and our partner to get over things quickly, move on, be ready to commit, get a better job, lose weight, work out etc.

Patience is a rather undervalued quality in today’s crazy world.

It takes time for people to be able to truly open up to one another and learn to trust each other.

You can’t speed up this process no matter how hard you try.

Having a lot of patience and understanding for both yourself and your partner is absolutely necessary if you want to build a strong, long lasting relationship.

It Is Really Hard To Be Patient

We all have our limits and lose our cool sometimes. It’ perfectly normal. We all get frustrated and need to express it.

So how do you become more relaxed in your relationship?

You gotta be patient about your own impatience.

Express your frustrations, talk about them with your partner.

Limiting contact with people who put you under pressure can be a huge help too.

What really helps me to have more patience for both myself and Gabriel is remembering that the harder I’m going to push for something, the longer it’s is going to take.

9. Follow Your Heart And Trust Your Gut

All the advice out there can make you doubt yourself and your relationship at times.

Every person has their own unique needs and qualities. When it comes to building strong relationships there is no “one size fits all solution”.

Therefore take all the advice with a pinch of salt.

You are the only person who has the whole complete picture of your relationship. Only you know how it’s really like to be together with your partner.

You Are The Only True Authority On Your Relationship.

Sometimes the advice you get will make no sense to you. If that’s the case, don’t listen to it.

It is your love life and YOU KNOW BETTER!

Some choices you make in your relationship might seem really unreasonable to other people.

For example, when Gabriel and I first moved in together we had two separate rooms. Even though we lived in one flat, every night we’d ask each other, “are we sleeping at your place, or mine?”

For an outsider it might have seemed weird and even wrong, but that was what WE NEEDED in the beginning of living together.

That set up lasted for a couple of months. Eventually we merged our separate rooms and now only have one bedroom.

So just because you or your partner might have unconventional needs, it doesn’t mean there is something wrong with that.

When it comes to building a long lasting relationship, you gotta do what feels right to both of you.

Don’t let advice get to you too much and follow your heart instead!

10. Don’t Give Up

There are often good times and bad times in every relationship.

Sometimes you are going to face external factors that will create problems in your love life, such as disease, family conflict, issues at work etc.

Other times it will be you and your partner’s internal conflicts that will make you feel really down.

When times are hard it’s important to remember that things will get better! 

Building a long lasting relationship is hard work and there will be a lot of hurdles on the way.

We faced a lot of difficulties in our relationship. We’ve got through them though.

The best thing I learned about trust and connection is that it really accumulates over time and makes things run smoother.

Our relationship got much EASIER over time and you can get there too!

So don’t give up on your love! You can do it! You can make it work! 

Still feeling down and have doubts whether true love is even real? Be sure to check out 50 Songs To Restore Your Faith In True Love.

If you found this article helpful, you might want to save it to Pinterest for later or share it on your preferred platform via the social media buttons below. It supports us in creating more exciting content for you!

Thank you for reading! I’m dying to hear your thoughts about this! Let me know in the comments below!

Cheers,

Karolina

10 Reasons Why Relationships Are Totally Worth It

by Karolina Brenner | Jan 6, 2019 | Commitment

Photo by Ryan Jacobson

Love can be very hard and challenging at times. Couples fight, cheat and break up. Maybe you have been left for another person or fell in love with someone who didn’t love you back.

Hurtful and heartbreaking experiences like this can make you wonder: are relationships even worth it?

What’s the point of taking a risk and trusting someone, if it might end up being just another disappointment? These are valid doubts. Building a solid relationship takes a lot of time and effort. It can be tough and disheartening at times.

Nothing helps more to get through these difficult times than hope that things can get better.

Sometimes all the negative hurtful experiences can make you lose sight of what you’re even in this mess for.

I hope these 10 reasons help you remember why love is worth fighting for!

1. Intimacy

Physical closeness is a huge way to bond with your partner. It’s a great way to feel way closer and more connected within minutes.

Sex can work like magic. It can just suddenly remove all the barriers between the two of you. Not to mention all of the fun and pleasure!

Cuddling on the sofa while watching a movie, holding hands, kissing each other hello or goodbye, cuddling up to your partner at night.

All these simple acts can just suddenly trigger this feeling of closeness and safety that everybody craves so much.

Intimacy is plain and simply, the best happiness inducing drug on the market.

2. Endless Conversations

Feeling that you’re on the same page with someone else is awesome. Sometimes you will find yourselves so engrossed in a conversation, that the whole outside world, just disappears.

You forget where you’re going or what you’re doing because you’re both having so much fun. Nothing else seems to matter anymore and rightfully so!

Being in a long-term relationship can allow you to get to know and understand your partner really well and for them to know and understand you.

This brings natural flow and depth to your conversations. Understanding each other and trusting each other creates emotional intimacy.

This can be just as powerful and amazing as physical intimacy.

Seriously, don’t underestimate it!

3. Feeling Safe

Having someone who understands and knows you, who you’re intimate with, and whom you can trust, can give you an immense feeling of safety.

Suddenly you’re not alone anymore. Someone’s got your back. You can count on him/her to pick you up when you’re down, to help you out when you’re in trouble, to take care of you when you’re sick.

You have a partner in life, you’re together. You don’t have to deal with things all by yourself anymore. You’ve got help and support, someone who will protect you. 

Being in a relationship can provide so much safety, comfort, stability. These are all things we all desperately crave and need.

4. Learning From Each Other

Every person has their unique set of skills, strengths, knowledge base and ideas about the world. That’s what makes us the unique selves we are! Nobody wants to date a copy of themselves.

That would be really boring… and weird.

The differences between you and your partner will allow for both of you to learn new things and expand your worldview. Seeing your partner approach certain problems in a way that is just so different from yours, can be extremely helpful!

Being able to grow and learn from each other is a basis of any relationship and provides a huge advantage in life in general.

5. Helping Each Other Out

Having a person know and understand you can allow them to help out on a whole different level. They will know exactly what words you need to hear and why.

Having that partner who loves you and supports you is the best feeling in the world!

They can build you up. Boost your confidence. Help you overcome your fears and move forward in life.

They will come with you to a doctor and hold your hand during that scary injection. They will help you feel more confident about an upcoming exam or presentation.

Nothing helps you to believe in yourself as much as having someone else believing in you! 

6. Sharing responsibilities

Apart from all the emotional benefits of being in a relationship, there is a ton of pragmatic ones too!

When being together, the most mundane, seemingly unpleasant things, can even be fun!

Like doing chores, cleaning up, grocery shopping, or hanging the laundry. All of these become enjoyable when you’re doing it with someone you can laugh and joke with.

Not only do these otherwise boring chores become way more pleasant, now that you’re sharing them with someone, you only have to do half of it! 

Sometimes you will wake up in the morning to find the kitchen cleaned spotless without you having had to lift a finger. Sharing responsibilities with your significant other can be a huge help and motivator.

7. Going on dates

Who doesn’t like going on dates together? They’re just so much fun!

You don’t need to be a fresh couple to enjoy dating. In fact, I think that after years of being together, dates actually become way more fun.

At the beginning of a relationship, people tend to need to impress each other the whole time and manage their image. Not knowing what to wear, where to go, doing elaborate makeup, etc can be stressful.

After years of being together, all the stress falls away. You don’t go on dates to impress each other anymore. Now it’s just about spending quality time together.

It isn’t your outfit or the location that will make a date really memorable and special (although these factors can certainly contribute ). It’s about sharing time with another person.

In that particular moment, you two are in the centre of each other’s attention.

Let’s be honest here, everybody loves and needs to be the centre of attention every now and then.

Dates provide the perfect setting to give each other that opportunity. That’s what makes them feel so great!

8. Cooking For Each Other

Cooking for one person can be a bit of a nuisance. It takes so much time and effort.

You have to buy the right ingredients, cook, clean and then, on top of that, you are very likely to end up with way too much food.

Having to go through all this hassle and then being stuck eating leftovers for a couple of days, might make you not want to cook for yourself very often.

Cooking for two is a totally different story, it’s freakin’ fun! 

Doing groceries together is already so much more pleasant than shopping by yourself. Plus your partner helps you out, so you don’t have to do all the work. You don’t have to carry all the heavy bags, don’t need to cook and clean everything and you’re less likely to end up with so many leftovers.

On top of all the pragmatic benefits, there are huuuge emotional ones too!

Having someone cook for you will make you feel taken care of while making a dish for your significant other can feel just as great. 

Regardless whether you’re on the giving or the receiving end, this exchange is bound to get your endorphins flowing.

9. Trying New Things Together

It’s not easy to start doing things you’ve never done before.

Learning new skills can be tricky. Sometimes, certain things might feel so daunting, you’ll end up not daring to ever try them out.

Trying out new things with a trusted partner makes it all much easier! You can help each other, figure things out together, encourage one another etc.

Having this extra help, support and company make trying out new things much less of a big deal.

Starting something can be much easier than actually developing and improving certain skills. Completing a beginners course in e.g. surfing will only take a few hours, but it takes much longer to practice and actually learn how to surf.

Having someone to practice with, someone who will continuously validate your progress and is going through the same learning process with you, can make it so much easier and more fun!

10. Adventures

There are countless beautiful and exciting things to experience in this world! You can visit architectural monuments, go to a shooting range, enjoy regional foods, take in art and culture. The possibilities are endless!

Adventures are also a great way to escape our mundane routines. To break the patterns that keep us numb and dumb. Go on an adventure! You don’t even need to over plan it!

See where your heart and feet take you, you’re bound to be pleasantly surprised!

As great as all of these experiences may be, they become a million times better when you share them with a person you care about and who cares about you!

There is no doubt, relationships can be challenging and downright frustrating at times! Ultimately though, I promise the benefits make it worthwhile and rewarding. So don’t be afraid to invest in yourself and your relationships!

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What are your reasons for being in a relationship? Let us know in the comments!

Karolina and Gabriel

10 Things to Consider Before Moving in Together

by Karolina Brenner | Jan 6, 2019 | Commitment

Photo by Toa Heftiba

Moving in together is a big step for any relationship. Big changes create new challenges and sometimes new conflicts of interest.

So many of my friends moved in together fairly soon or right after they started dating and then ended up complaining and regretting that choice. Intense chemistry of the honeymoon phase might cause people to make hasty, impulsive decisions.

This doesn’t mean that moving in together right away is necessarily a bad step for a relationship. Just be sure to take all things into consideration and inform yourself about the commitment, beforehand.

Regardless of what “stage” of a relationship you and your partner are in, I’m sure that these 10 points will help you prepare for living together and making it a decision you can feel confident about!

1. Less Independence

So many of my friends, who moved straight from living with their parents to living with their partner, ended up regretting never having had their independence.

Have you ever lived on your own? Is it something you feel like you need to experience?

If you answer “yes” to either of these questions then keep it in mind that now might be the time, when it’s easiest to make that happen.

Don’t move in with your partner if you feel like you haven’t had time to “live your own life yet”.

If you want to live by yourself, do it now. It will only get harder to get there later on.

I don’t mean to say that once you are living together, both parties automatically lose their freedom. I don’t believe that’s true. I had lived by myself for about a year before moving in with Gabriel, so I know what living alone is like and don’t miss it.

I have heard the complaint about independence so many times from so many of my friends. Even after years of living together, they still continue complaining about this.

I don’t believe there are any fixed rules for couples in order to move in the right moment. Just don’t move in with your partner, if it’s something you don’t really want.

2. Moving In For Financial Reasons

In a lot of cases mentioned above, the people who complained about not having independence generally all followed the same pattern: they were living with their parents.

Then they started dating a guy/girl with a place of their own, moved in with their partner because it was the cheapest and most convenient way to move out of their parents’ place.

A lot of these people moved in together not because it was something they wanted, but because it was convenient.

They chose to settle for something that just happened to be available and then ended up complaining about it for years.

Moving in together for purely economic reasons is not a good motivator.

If both of you have a place of your own, are tired of paying double the rent and want to move in together just to cut the living costs, don’t do it.

Making a big decision about your relationship based on what seems reasonable or convenient instead of considering your own needs and desires never ends well.

Settling like this might kill the chemistry between the two of you. 

3. Losing Control

Living alone gives you absolute control over your flat/house. It’s up to you what furniture to buy and where to place it. You yourself are in charge of the colors of the walls, bathroom tiles, kitchen cabinets, curtains, pillows on the couch, carpets, lamps etc.

Your place, your rules. 

Once you move in together you’re going to have to share all the choices mentioned above. You’re going to have to give up some of the control over these things.

Even if your significant other decides to move into your place, you have to let him or her have a say. You have to allow them to make changes so that they can adapt the place to their needs as well as yours.

If you don’t give them some control, they’ll be just a guest there and never truly feel at home. 

On the other hand, if your partner is about to move in with you but discards all your furniture choices and wants to completely rearrange everything, you must not let them do that.

Standing your ground and sticking with your tastes might feel like a lot of effort but it will pay off in the long run.

The ability to find a balance between standing your ground while catering to your partner’s needs is a very important skill. It takes some practice and can always be improved upon.

Picking and arranging furniture together can be a challenge, but at the same time, it provides a great opportunity to get to know your partner better and improve your teamwork skills.

4. Sharing Responsibilities

Running a household comes with a lot more responsibilities than just the design and furniture choices. There is rent to pay, utilities, heating, maintenance issues etc. From now on you will both be responsible for making sure your place is functioning the way it’s supposed to.

What’s important about sharing responsibilities is that neither of you feels used or controlled.

If a girl lets the guy make all the utility choices, he might feel like it’s unfair that she just puts all the responsibility on him, while she might feel like she doesn’t have any say in these matters.

Just like making decisions together, sharing responsibilities is a skill that needs to be developed and will grow over time, as you learn to trust each other more.

5. Cleanliness

One of the BIG responsibilities, that you will share with your partner, is keeping your place clean. When it comes to cleanliness, different people often have completely different standards and needs.

When living together you’ve got to make sure that your place feels comfortable for both of you, regardless of how you choose to split the chores.

Make sure you are familiar with your partner’s cleaning habits before you move in together.

If you are very tidy and organized but your partner isn’t you’ve got be ready to cut them some slack and relax your standards a little. On the other hand, if you yourself are the “messy one”, you will probably need to learn to notice the mess you’re making and to clean it up.

You’ve both got to be ready to adapt your habits and meet your partner halfway.

For a lot of couples in my friend circle cleaning became so big of a deal, that in order to avoid constantly fighting about it, they had to hire a cleaning service. That is a great solution for all those who can afford it.

6. Secret Habits

Just like cleanliness, getting to know your partner’s secret habits, can become a source of conflict in your relationship. We all present a polished, better version of ourselves to the outside world. 

Home is the only place where the real and imperfect part of us gets to come out and exist.

When living together you get to know your partner’s “imperfect” side and they get to know yours.

All of us have habits that we like to hide from other people. We binge watch TV shows, endlessly browse the internet, play video games, sleep all day long etc.

It’s important that home is a safe space where both of you can be who you are and do whatever it is you want to do.

This getting to know of your partner’s “faulty” side might make you annoyed or disappointed in them. But before you start to criticize them and accuse them of wasting time or laziness, remember you are not perfect either.

We tend to get really critical about the same behaviors in others, that we ourselves may be struggling with.

For example, a person who is worried about moving forward in life fast and productivity might judge their partner as lazy for playing video games without realizing that they themselves just spend the whole day watching series.

Living together allows you two to learn a lot about your partner and yourself.

Getting to know each other’s and your own “faulty” sides and learning to accept them is the best way to grow and actually overcome them. 

7. Sharing Things

When living together you end up sharing a lot of different things: blankets, food, TV, devices, chargers, subscription services etc. Similarly to cleanliness, different people have different levels of comfort when it comes to the need for their private space.

Sharing things might feel natural and effortless to you, but to your partner might not at all be so casual about it. Or you might be the one wanting clearer boundaries and more privacy for yourself.

When Gabriel and I moved in together, we kept things pretty separate in the beginning and then gradually started relaxing about it.

Sharing things and splitting costs can be extremely convenient but don’t underestimate the time it takes to negotiate and organize it!

Seeing your significant other with a cup of tea, hovering over your laptop or using your iPad as a cookbook and placing it right next to the stove, can be unnerving.

Deep down we are all just big kids, protective of our favorite toys. 

Sometimes we just need some time before we are ready to share our things with our partner.

Some of our possessions we will want to keep just to ourselves and there is nothing wrong with that.

8. Inviting People Over

The same way you or your partner can be protective of your devices, similar rules apply when it comes to letting other people into your living space.

When living together, it’s important to keep in mind that both of you need to be comfortable with who comes into your house, when they arrive and how long they stay.

For example, your mum coming over unannounced to pick up dirty laundry on the weekend might not be a big deal to you, it might even feel like an act of kindness and willingness to help, but to your partner, it might be a hurtful intrusion into their private space and efforts to be independent!

Home should be a safe and private space for both you and your partner. 

Being considerate of each other’s needs and consulting with each other before inviting people over ensures that.

9. Going On Dates

Living together entirely changes the dynamic of a relationship.

You don’t have to call each other up and arrange to meet anymore, you’re together almost every morning, every evening and on the weekends.

Your significant other becomes the one person you end up spending most of your time with.

Just because you will see each other become a routine, that doesn’t mean you can’t ask each other out every now and then.

Going on dates is fun and doesn’t need to be a big deal. Gabriel and l go on random lunch dates during the week for example.

Asking your partner out, even if it’s just a brief lunch, shows them that you value their company and are willing to make an effort and take extra time to see them.

10. Routines

We’re all creatures of habit, we fall into routines and sometimes go about our day to day activities “on autopilot”.

Routines aren’t necessarily bad. Having a predictable way of doing things can be really nice and convenient.

For example, I really don’t like eating by myself, so it’s really comforting to me to know that I’ll have a person to eat dinner with almost every night. It doesn’t mean that we have to eat together every night though. Sometimes one of us will get off work earlier and want to have dinner sooner. Sometimes we want different things.

You can’t let your routines become more important than your or your partner’s needs.

If followed to strictly, routines can transform fun, bonding activities into an obligation. They might make you or your partner hate the things you two once enjoyed.

Conclusion

Moving in together can be challenging. It is a huge commitment that will inevitably transform your relationship. Despite being difficult at times, it provides a great opportunity to grow closer as a couple, learn how to work together and get to know each other better!

Living with your partner can be extremely fun and rewarding. It just might take a little bit of work for both of you to get there. 

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What are your experiences with living with your partner? Let us know in the comments!

Karolina and Gabriel