Photo by Taisiia Stupak

So you’re wondering what the signs are that your ex will eventually come back to you.

Breakups rarely feel truly final, this is because our feelings for someone can’t just vanish from one day onto the next.

So it makes sense that in your gut you might feel like things are not over just yet, because most likely they’re not!

It takes months or even years to truly get over someone you loved. And through all that time you’ll have countless opportunities to reconnect and try to make things work with your ex.

This is why it’s so important that you can read their signs correctly and don’t miss out on your chance.

But before going into the particular things to look out for, I want to first discuss a very important issue with you guys…

What Are the Odds an Ex Will Come Back

I have some good news and bad news here.

I’m going to start off with the positive stuff, because that’s what anyone who’s just recently gone through a breakup needs most.

So the good news is, it’s actually fairly easy to get your ex to come back after a breakup.

I’ve done it myself three times, we’re married now, and we actually run this blog together. We’ve also helped countless other clients get their ex back.

People tend to underestimate the strength of our attachments.

Just like you, your ex’s feelings for you are still there, and they miss you now and then.

Because of this, the odds of them coming back are pretty high, especially if things are still fresh and your connection is still there.

However, you’ll likely need to do something to get them to want to take this step.

So the bad news is:

If you’re hoping that it’ll be enough to just do no contact for a month or two to get your ex to realize they made a bad mistake, come back and want to get back together with you…

Then, unfortunately, I have to burst your bubble.

Chances of this happening are slim to none.

The thing is, people break up for a reason. It could be something you did, it also could be something completely unrelated to you.

Still, you’ll either need to fix it or help your ex overcome whatever it is that was preventing them from being together with you, to get them to come back and commit again.

15 Signs Your Ex Will Eventually Come Back

These are the signs that the odds are in your favor and your ex will most likely eventually come back, as long as you encourage them the right way.

I’ll start off with things to look out for immediately after a breakup, followed by typical ways how dumpers indirectly signal that they miss you and are ready to fix things.

1. Your Ex Cried While Breaking up with You

Somebody who makes up their mind and then ends up crying about the decision they just made, clearly is already regretting it.

Some people choose to break up not because they want it, but because they believe it’s inevitable or necessary.

Maybe someone else talked them into this, or they’re worried you were going to break up with them anyway, so they wanted to preempt the blow.

Either way, your ex crying while breaking up with you is a sign of them having a hard time coming to terms with the idea of separating from you.

They are likely still hurting after the breakup and might remain stuck with all the pain and loneliness for a while.

If you help them overcome whatever it was that made them take this step, your ex will most likely eventually come back.

2. Your Ex Insists That You Part on Good Terms

Some dumpers make a staggering amount of effort just to ensure that you guys “part on good terms”.

They feel guilty and worry that you’ll end up hating them because of their decision, so they try to do everything in their power to ensure it doesn’t happen.

This might mean having long conversations where they explain their side, checking in on you, trying to clarify things further.

So much so, the whole process of breaking up might even take you guys a few days.

In a long distance relationship, a dumper might even fly over, just to break up with you in person for this very reason.

An ex, who is trying this hard not to cut ties with you entirely, is not over you.

They’re intentionally keeping that door open, so that there’s room for them to eventually change their mind and come back to you.

3. Your Ex Texts You a Day after the Breakup

It’s not uncommon for couples to break up but continue interacting as though they were still together, at least for a few days afterwards.

It’s hard to go from texting all the time to not contacting each other at all. This is why some couples let things fizzle out slowly and gradually.

Your ex still might have still texted you “good morning” or “good night” a day after the breakup. Or continued sending you memes, updating you about their day etc.

When this happens, know it’s a sign they are having a hard time letting go too.

They might be only pretending to be over you, even to themselves.

But actions speak louder than words…

If your ex acted this way, know that you have great chances, and with a little encouragement, they will very likely eventually come back to you.

4. They Want to See You Right after the Breakup

Don’t get this one wrong, an ex who wants to see you right after breaking up is clearly missing you already.

There are two typical excuses dumpers use to make this happen:

They either want to meet up to “just talk” and clarify things further.

Or, another common one is that they want you to pick up your stuff, or they want to come over to get their things a few days after the breakup.

Being on the receiving end of this kind of mixed message is extremely confusing and heartbreaking. Because you’re likely believing your ex is seeking closure.

But they’re not. They’re much more likely either looking for a genuine excuse to see you, or they’re actively rejecting you as an attempt to get their point across.

Either way, it’s ok for you to set boundaries in this kind of situation and take your time before you’re ready to face them.

Just know that regardless of the reasons they give you, your ex wanting to see you shortly after the breakup is a sign that they already miss you and will most likely eventually come back to you.

5. Your Ex Wants to Be Friends

When your ex says they want to just be friends, people often panic.

They worry it means that it’s all over, all the feelings are gone and that they will remain friend zoned from now on.

This could not be further from the truth.

If you want your ex back, you should stay friends with them.

Someone, who has been attracted to you once, will inevitably feel the chemistry again. Sooner, rather than later, they’ll want more.

If your ex wants to be friends, it’s a sign they’re not over you and that they will likely eventually come back.

6. They Let You Keep Something Personal or Important

An ex, who is not over you, will try to maintain the connection with you by leaving little but important things at your place.

These might be little but personal items, like their electric toothbrush or memorabilia. Or important documents, car keys, credit cards etc.

They’re intentionally leaving these things with you because it gives them a sense of comfort.

It’s as though part of them is still with you.

When an ex lets you keep something of theirs that’s either personal or significant, know that it’s a way of holding onto you.

They’re not ready to let go, and, if you play your cards right, you can get them to eventually come back to you.

7. They Keep On Needing Things from You

This is a move that’s typical of women who break up but keep on asking questions, needing advice, wanting you to fix their devices, borrowing things etc.

Men can do it too, but it’s slightly different. They might come over to do their laundry, use your garage, etc.

Know that an ex, who does this, likes being able to depend on you.

You clearly still provide a sense of safety and comfort they cannot do without.

It’s a sign that they still need you emotionally as well as pragmatically.

Because of this, your ex likely wants you back, but they’re just not 100% certain that things can work out this time.

Hence, their hesitation.

If you use this knowledge wisely, though, you can get them to eventually come back.

8. They Insist on Doing Things for You

This is a flip side of the previous point. Some people are more comfortable needing help, while others prefer providing it.

This move is particularly common for men, an ex-boyfriend might insist on fixing your car (because he knows a good place) or fixing your computer, selecting a new phone for you etc.

Women can do it as well, but they’re more likely to take on your responsibilities.

There are also some gender-neutral favors an ex might do for you too, like grocery shopping for you when you’re sick, paying for things or lending you money.

An ex, who insists on helping you this way, does it to get on your good side and also to maintain control over you to some degree.

It’s their way of trying to make sure they’re not going to lose you for good.

An ex who does this is likely testing you. They’re checking if you’re going to give up on them or not.

It’s a sign that they’re not over you and will likely eventually come back.

9. Your Ex Answers Right Away

If you text your ex and receive an immediate reply, know that it’s a sign they’re really happy to hear from you.

They’re so excited, they’re not letting it sink in or thinking much about what to respond.

They just can’t stop themselves from texting you back right away!

When this happens, chances are your ex has been waiting for you to make the next move.

They likely need you to prove to them that you care about them as much as they care about you.

In these cases, it’s enough to give them even a tiny bit of encouragement, and they will eventually come back to you.

10. They Drunk Text You or Call You

Alcohol lowers our inhibitions. It lets us get in touch with our true feelings and do scary things.

Like confessing our love for someone…

If an ex suddenly texts you or calls you while drunk, just to tell you how much they love you, know that they really do feel this way.

Even if they take it all back on the next day, chances are they’re keeping their true feelings at bay for a reason. Find out what that reason is, and you’ll have full access to their heart again, whether they’re drunk or sober.

When an ex drunk texts you or calls you, it’s a sign they’re missing you and will eventually come back.

11. They’re Acting Jealous

An ex might let you know that they’re absolutely certain about the breakup and don’t want to get back together, only to act jealous days- or even moments later.

They might make a cranky remark about your outfit or evening plans that completely startles you and leaves you wondering “Am I imagining it, or are they jealous??”

An ex who acts this way is clearly not over you.

If they sense that there is actual danger of you moving on, they might suddenly change their tone completely.

Sometimes it takes cutting someone off, to get them to notice that they miss you.

When your ex is acting jealous, it’s a sign that they’re still possessive of you and are actually worried about losing you.

Because of this, there is a real chance that they’ll eventually come back.

12. They’re Apologetic about Making You Upset

Breakups are really tough to cope with, especially when you’re the one who gets broken up with.

This is why it might be confusing when the very same person who just put you through all that pain, suddenly becomes apologetic for making you even more upset.

Maybe something they posted really got to you. Or you caught wind of something they did, and it hurt you more.

They can sense that it could be a dealbreaker for you, and it makes them change their tone. Suddenly, they’re eager to make things right again.

An ex who is apologetic for making you upset, cares about how you feel.

It’s a sign that they’re still emotionally connected to you. This is why you might also still feel connected to them.

When an ex is apologizing for hurting you, there is a good chance that they will eventually come back to you.

13. They’re Reaching Out to You Indirectly

Has your ex been posting things that feel like they’re meant for you? Even though they might be posting it publicly or just adding things to their story.

Well, your gut feeling is right here, your ex is reaching out to you indirectly.

Just like you, they’re checking if you view their stories and react to their posts.

What’s more, they might be trying to convey what they feel in the hopes that you’ll magically read their mind.

This is particularly true when an ex is either posting something provocative or sad and romantic.

If you manage to get their message and respond accordingly, they will eventually come back.

14. They’re Stalking You on Social Media

An ex who is stalking you on social media is clearly trying to keep tabs on you.

They might do it by simply viewing everything you post, by reacting, or by leaving vague but nice comments.

They’re likely checking and making sure that you’re still single. This is why their activity could be a sign that your ex is becoming interested again.

Either way, they’re also definitely flirting with you.

Flirt back, and your ex will eventually come back to you.

15. They Ghosted You

Last but not least, I imagine a lot of you guys might find this point very surprising.

Ironically, ghosters are the kind of ex who tend to eventually come back on their own, without you having to do anything.

The very purpose of ghosting is to leave someone hanging without explicitly cutting things off.

This gives them room for them to suddenly return with a good excuse and pretend that the break never happened. It might take them months to do so, though.

This brings me to my next point…

How Long Does It Take for an Ex to Come Back

I know that a lot of you hope that it’s just a matter of waiting long enough for your ex to then suddenly change their mind and agree to get back together.

Unfortunately, this is not how it works.

In most cases, getting your ex back is more of a gradual process rather than a sudden event.

Plus, you will likely need to do something to jump start it.

On average, our coaching clients need one to six months to get back together after a breakup.

There were a few who got there sooner, but they were very rare cases.

There are also some who got back together after almost a year of remaining broken up.

It’s always better trying to do something, rather than wait and hope that things will fall into place on their own.

If you haven’t heard from your ex in a month or two, just text them something.

This is how you can significantly shorten the time it will take you two to get back together.

How Do You Know When Your Ex Is Truly Done with You

I know that people are quick to jump to conclusions and feel like all hope is gone, and they should just give up already.

Human attachments run deep, but there is a point when you have to say enough is enough, it’s time to just let go and move on.

If none of the above-mentioned signs fit your case, you haven’t heard from your ex in a year or more, and they blocked you everywhere, it’s safe to assume that they won’t come back.

Ultimately, it’s up to you to decide how much they’re worth to you and if you’re willing to put in the effort to win them over.

If you need help figuring out if your ex is over you or not, I can help you with that in a coaching call.

SimplyTogether Coaching CallsHere I’ll carefully listen and help you understand and see all the signs.

I’ll also give you tips on what to do to get your ex’s attention so that they do come back to you.

Click Here to Check Out Ex Back Coaching

If you want to know how I got my ex to come back to me, check out my other post:

How I Got Him Back - 5 Ways to Make Your Ex Want You Again

Thank you for reading and if you have any questions, leave me a comment. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can!


Karolina Bartnik