Summer is finally here. It is finally time to escape the constant stress and monotony of your everyday life.
However, the alluring holiday destinations hold unknowns, which can cause tension for both, fresh and seasoned couples.
You might be nervous about heading out on a summer adventure, these five tips will help with the challenges ahead.
Tip 1: Give Yourselves Time To Unwind And Slowly Get Into The Holiday Mindset
Even though the plane might take you far away from all the sources of your every-day stress within hours, your mind might need longer to catch up.
Switching off from a busy work mode and just relaxing, isn’t always so simple.
It can take time to unwind and slowly settle into the holiday mode.
Give yourself and your partner time to find the way into the holiday mindset. Take it easy and go easy on your boyfriend/girlfriend in the first couple of days.
I know holidays can be stressful too, after all, you ‘re probably in a new, unknown place, countless little things that don’t go according to plan. Even small things like taking a wrong turn on a highway, or getting lost in a small town might cause an argument.
In these moments try to remember: you’re on holiday, you’re together and you’ve got time.
There is no schedule you need to follow. No deadlines, no meeting to attend, etc.
So be patient and try to chill. It will become easier as the days go by and both you and your partner settle into the holiday mode.
No-one, not even your phone, can give perfect directions. Who knows, one wrong turn might just take the two of you to a way more charming and unique destination!
Tip 2: Enjoy Your Couples Holiday As Though It’s Not Going On Social Media
People love to post their holiday photos online and rake in likes. All the couples on Facebook or Instagram are madly in love and are having the time of their lives.
Food, vistas, selfies -everything is picture perfect.
Behind the scenes, however, the “perfect couples” are fighting just as much as anybody else. So don’t be fooled by all these perfect images and don’t try to uphold some imaginary standards.
Nobody is perfect and your couples holiday is not a competition.
I personally find that focusing on taking pictures and posting them online often take me out of the moment. So if you want to fully enjoy the quality time with your partner, why not take the performance pressure off?
Try to live your holiday as though you were not going to post it online.
Do it for yourselves, not for the validation. In fact, let your couples holiday be so awesome, it should be kept top secret. You wouldn’t want to send your friend and followers writing in fits of jealousy, would you? Not that that can’t be fun too…
The point being, you don’t need to prove anything to anybody.It’s about the two of you having great times together, pictures serve reliving those fond memories.
Tip 3: Don’t Compromise Right Away, Find Creative Solutions To Make The Most Of Your Couples Holiday
They say that compromise is necessary to make a relationship work. I personally think that people are often way too quick to jump into it.
Gabriel and I often find ourselves wanting two different things while on holiday. I’m sure you and your partner will have to cope with that problem too.
When faced with that kind of dilemma keep in mind that you are two individuals with particular wants and needs both equally valid. Compromising too soon can often lead to mutual dissatisfaction and silent resentment.
Instead of giving up on your preferences and trying to meet halfway, take some time to listen and understand one another. These 3 Easy Communication Hacks can help you with that.
Look for creative solutions. Figure out ways in which you both get what you want.
For example: if your partner is a tanned surfer who wants to spend all day on the beach, but you are pale skinned and love to read, get an umbrella. This way he/she can go conquer the waves, while you devour your favorite novels in the shade, all while being within eyeshot.
Couples often don’t want to buy big things like umbrellas, because they’re impossible to take with on an airplane and you’re forced to leave it behind every single time. It is true and it is a waste, however, little investments like this can make a huge difference to the quality of your time together.
If something so simple like an umbrella can save you and your partner from an unpleasant quarrel or expectations being let down, go get it!Yours and your partner’s happiness is worth it!
Deciding what and where to eat is another common source of conflict for many couples who are on a holiday together. If you’re a steak lover, but your partner is vegetarian, take the time to choose a restaurant that caters to both your appetites.
Figure it out, talk and listen. If you give up and compromise too soon, most likely neither of you will get what they want.
A solution to a seemingly hopeless dilemma may be right around the corner.
Tip 4: Being Together On A Couples Holiday Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Be Apart
Sometimes your preferences will be so different, it’s going to be impossible to find a solution for both of you to be happy.
Many couples, Gabriel and myself included, struggle with this issue. But just because you’re on a holiday as a couple, it doesn’t mean you have to be together all the time.
None of you needs to give up on your individual preferences, you can just spend some time apart instead.
For example: if one of you wants to chill by the hotel pool, and the other one is so sunburned, that the only thing he or she can do is lie flat under the air conditioner pleading for the pain to pass, spend a few hours apart.
There’s no need to be glued to the hip at all times.Give yourselves that freedom.
Needing to spend time apart might seem like a sign of a problem in your relationship. It might make you think: “Are we a good match?”, “What if we’re just too different?”.
Everybody has thoughts like that when they disagree about something important with their partner. So don’t let the doubt ruin your vacation.
All couples face this problem. There is no such thing as a “perfect match”. Even if you know couples who seemingly are in perfect harmony at all times, let me assure you, that’s not the whole picture.
Just because you need to spend time apart on a couples holiday doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with your relationship.
Tip 5: You And Your Partner Are More Important Than Your Vacation
Last but not least, the pressure to make the most of your couples holiday, can sometimes become too much and ruin your quality time.
Having a dedicated week or two for exploring a location can be a lot of pressure. You might want to make the most of it by jam-packing it with interesting things to do and force yourselves to strictly follow the initial plan because you don’t want to miss out!
Fear not, this is isn’t your last vacation. Keep in mind that if you love this particular place, you can always come back.
It’s ok to miss out on planned activities.
The museum just closed, the ticket queue is too long or one of you is be too tired to go sightseeing, hiking or surfing. That’s ok, you can always do that thing you were planning on doing next time.
This happened to Gabriel and myself countless times.
During one of our road trips we drove to Venice, I really wanted to see the Architecture Biennale. Unfortunately, we completely lost track of time and arrived in Venice on a Monday thinking that it was a Sunday. The exhibition was closed (all museums in Venice are closed on Mondays).
I was quite devastated, so we bought a bottle of wine to drown my sorrow away. We ended up having a lovely walk around and the most romantic evening. Even though I didn’t get to what I planned to go to Venice for, it ended up being absolutely magical and fun.
So don’t let silly opening times ruin your couples holiday. Find a lovely restaurant, Get To Know Your Man Better with a couple of questions and take in the vistas. There are countless ways to make a vacation special. Don’t get too attached to your schedules. Main tourist attractions are often overrated anyway.
The goal of a summer holiday is to make you and your partner feel good. This vacation is here for you, not the other way around.
If you found this article helpful, you might want to save it to Pinterest for later or share it on your preferred platform via the social media buttons below. It supports us in creating more exciting content for you!
Also, let me know what your struggle most with while on holiday as a couple and how you and your partner deal with it!
Being in an abusive relationship is extremely damaging. But even though everybody in your life and on the internet might be telling you to leave, maybe you don’t feel ready for that step yet.
Letting go and leaving a toxic relationship is extremely difficult.
I’ve done it myself, so I know how hard it is to truly give up on a person you care about.
If you feel like there is still hope for your relationship and you’re willing to work hard to fix things, this article will help you understand what it takes to fix an abusive relationship.
1. Both Partners Must Realize That They Are In An Abusive Relationship
In order to even begin fixing an abusive relationship, both the abuser as well as the victim must be willing to see that the abuse is a problem.
If you happen to be the victim in an abusive relationship, you must make sure that your partner sees his/her behavior as abuse.Otherwise, they will never even try to change.
First of all, realizing that your relationship is toxic is tricky in itself. Nobody ever chooses to be treated badly. We only find ourselves in those kinds of situations, because we’re blind to the damaging behaviors, that are either being inflicted upon us, or we’re inflicting upon others.
I used to be completely blind to verbal abuse and physical threats, crazy as it sounds, I perceived it as “means of communicating”. It wasn’t until I saw it for what it was, that I could start doing something about it.
The first time I realized I was being subject to verbal abuse and physical threats was during an internship. Even then, it took me two months of working in a completely toxic atmosphere, with bosses screaming at employees every single day until I realized that this was not a “normal working environment”.
It’s not just victims of abuse that are blind to it, the abusers themselves don’t see it either. They often view their behavior as justified and necessary.
Much like an abusive parent believes that spanking their kid is an act of love required to teach them a lesson, your partner might view his/her verbal abuse as e.g a way of expressing how much you mean to them.
So the first step in fixing an abusive relationship is making sure that both you and your partner don’t perceive their abusive behavior as normal or justified.
2. The Abuser Must Be Willing To Give Up The Power They Hold Over Their Victim
The power dynamic in an abusive relationship is often extremely unequal.
The truth is, all abusers rule with fear.
They might give you presents and then threaten to take them away.
They do something kind for you, then make you feel like you now owe them a thousand thanks, and must comply with all their desires.
Often victims of abuse feel like they’re walking on eggshells the whole time, constantly trying to avoid the next outburst.
All these kinds of behaviors are extremely manipulative. The abuser makes sure he/she can control their partner. They hold the power to make or break the relationship.
In order to turn a toxic relationship into a healthy one, both partners must make an effort to create a more equal power dynamic. That means the abuser must let go of the power and control and give it back to their partner.
The abusive partner must free their victim to act and choose as they please. It is a hard and scary step to take. Which brings me to my next point.
3. Sometimes To Gain Something, You Must Be Ready To Lose Something Else
True change often requires a sacrifice. Much like an abusive partner must let go of control and power, in order to fix a relationship, the victim must be ready to give up this paradoxical sense of safety that comes from being controlled.
As a victim in an abusive relationship, you’re going to have to learn to take charge in your life and accept responsibility for your own choices.
Moreover, if you and your partner truly want to save the relationship, you must face the source that caused both of you to be the way you are.
They say abusers aren’t born, they’re made. In order to fix an abusive relationship, you’re gonna have to talk a lot about where these kinds of behaviours originated from.
It’s not just the abusers that had had a rough childhood.
For someone to become a victim in an abusive relationship, they must have had their share of bad experiences as a child too.
There are a lot of books and resources that deal with the effects of all sorts of childhood trauma in adult life. If you are serious about fixing your relationship, you will have to look into it.
The book that really helped me to begin to grasp how toxic relationships work and where they stem from was Toxic Parents by Susan Forward.
4. Realize And Accept That The Change Will Not Happen From One Day Onto The Next
People don’t change their behavior from one day onto the next. All lasting changes are gradual.
Much like with losing weight, losing bad habits takes time, there are setbacks too. It’s about changing your mindset and developing a healthier attitude towards people.
Don’t expect your partner to suddenly stop all their abusive behaviors.
Likewise, don’t expect yourself to suddenly effortlessly set boundaries and always stand your ground.
Demanding a sudden change will only set you and your partner up for failure.
You have to come to terms with the fact that fixing an abusive relationship is a long term project. There are no quick fixes when it comes to this one.
Having said that, every little change in your or your partner’s behavior and attitude can make your relationship significantly better.
5. There Is Going To Be A Lot Of Emotional Baggage And Resentment To Deal With
A lot of relationship experts and religious leaders teach us to forgive and forget.
This is really bad advice, especially when it comes to handling abusive relationships.
Forgiving and forgetting will inevitably set you up for more suffering, as an abusive partner will never have to face any consequences of his/her actions.
It’s in your interest to remember all the bad things that happened in the relationship, it is the only way to ensure that they will not repeat.
Holding your partner accountable is necessary to help them overcome their abusive tendencies and change their behavior for the better.
Unfortunately, all the abuse that has already taken place between you and your partner is taking a toll on your relationship. Abusive incidents shatter trust and cause resentment to build.
In order to save your relationship, you will need to talk about the bad things that happened between you.
Your partner will have to work on regaining your trust and you will have to find ways to process and express all that resentment and anger that gets pent up in every victim of abuse.
Conclusion
So can an abusive relationship be fixed?
I believe it can. However, in my personal experience, I’ve never managed to make it work. Not even when it was just an abusive friendship.
In most cases, the toxic people in my life didn’t want to see that there was something wrong with our relationship, and even when they did see the problem to some degree, they refused to give up the power the abuse gave them.
If both parties are not willing to make it work, it will not work and the abuse will continue.
In my thirty years of life, I was forced to leave a lot of people behind. Even though it was very sad and took me a long time to let go, cutting the abusers out freed me and changed my life for the better.
I understand if you’re wanting to do everything in your power to fix your abusive relationship. I did too. If your partner is willing to put the same effort in that you are, things could really change for the better.
However, be wary and don’t hesitate to put yourself first. Nobody deserves to be emotionally, verbally or physically abused.
Now if after reading all of this, you feel hopeful that your relationship can change for the better, a good next step could be to learn more about how to fix your relationship when you can’t talk without arguing, since it’s a common barrier that prevents toxic relationships from actually getting better.
Either way, listen to yourself and give yourself the time you need to figure out how to feel about it all. That way you can make your move forward and make your decision with more clarity.
I hope this post helped you and if you have any questions or experiences you’d like to share, don’t hesitate to leave them in the comments section bellow.
A relationship can work after a breakup. Even after multiple breakups!
Karolina and I broke up three times during our relationship, but now our relationships is stronger than ever and we’re together since 6 years straight.
Breakups are no walk in the park, I know. But I’ll tell you that if you’re both willing to do your parts, you can absolutely get back together and make it work differently this time around!
Let’s start with a common question.
Is It Normal For Couples To Get Back Together After A Breakup?
This is an understandable question to be asking after a breakup. You might be wondering whether getting back together will be perceived as “weak” or “easy to get” by your partner or friends.
There might be judgment and uncertainty around an important decision like this. And it’s good to consider all of it.
But in my opinion, it’s very common for couples to get back together after a breakup. As mentioned, Karolina and I went through multiple breakups and we’ve seen it happen plenty in our circle of friends.
The question is really more about what you want. Do you want to give it another shot? Are you both willing to work for it and do things differently this time?
Karolina and I are really happy that we got back together and tried again because if we hadn’t, we wouldn’t be in the relationship we are in today. Heck, this blog wouldn’t exist.
Your Relationship Can Be Saved, By Identifying The Problems
If you’ve previously been with your partner for months or years, you know them. You have a better understanding of both of your patterns, tendencies, and weaknesses, because of all the time you’ve spent together.
This past experience you share is valuable! Don’t underestimate it.
Even though breaking up multiple times was extremely tough for Karolina and me, we kept deciding to give it another shot because we knew how the other ticked. We had gained each other’s trust and although the path wasn’t quite clear, we saw a light at the end of the tunnel.
We didn’t know how, but we believed our recurring problems could be fixed because we spent time identifying them!
Relationships Are Complicated but you need to do whatever you can to be clear on what your ongoing relationship problems are! Talk about them, write them down, keep track and identify the top 6 problems that made you break up.
Only identify the problems for now! Work on this together. Note what 3 things make you want to give up and the 3 things that drive your partner up the wall.
Karolina and I became so much more effective at resolving our breakup pain once we really nailed identifying our problems. Don’t skip this step!
You don’t need to get down and try to resolve everything right away, just identifying the recurring problems in your relationship will already make a big difference for the better.
When Karolina and I would get into an argument about one of our recurring problems, once we realized it, we would both often laugh: “Oh look, we’re fighting about the same thing. Again!”
It was encouraging because it meant, that if we solved even one of our recurring problems in our relationship, we would be arguing so much less already!
Solving The Root Causes Will Make Your Relationship Stronger
Once it was clear to us what the recurring problems in our relationship were, we directed our efforts at finding solutions to those particular issues.
So get your list of problems out, put your heads together and brainstorm. Go for walks or get comfy with a coffee and talk. Let the conversations flow and don’t get too hung up on one particular issue.
If you find yourselves getting stuck with the talking part, you might want to check out 3 Easy Hacks To Communicate Effectively. It’s a good start to making conversations more productive and less frustrating.
This process will take time and there are many stumbling blocks. Don’t expect instant results or clarity.
I know, it totally sucks! But Karolina and I had to learn to be patient and chip away at our problems gradually. There were many skills we needed to learn along the way in order to resolve the root causes of our breakups.
We had to learn how to Build More Trust and talk to each other more kindly. We took conversation breaks when it became too much and spent time reflecting on things individually.
You often hear people talk about how relationships are hard and you constantly have to maintain them to make it work.
While that’s true, what you don’t hear nearly enough about, is that it all eventually pays off!
Investing in each other and yourselves is crucial to all relationships in your life, not just your romantic one. And you reap the rewards as you go along! You’ll deepen your understanding of each other and have someone there for you when you’re having a shitty day.
So keep at it together, work on this steadily and you’ll both get there!
I know you’ve taken brain notes and are totally committed to making it work with your partner after your breakup, and it can!
Be sure to continuously adapt your approach to resolving the root causes.
Keep educating yourselves and trying out different things and you’re bound to succeed together!
If you want some help to make sure it all goes smoothly this time, take a look at our Rebuild Your Relationship course.In it you’ll learn where things go wrong in relationships and exactly what steps you need to take so that it becomes stable and loving again. We also teach you how to avoid the mistakes that lead to our breakups and how replace them with solid foundations instead.
Being in a relationship with a person who doesn’t trust you can be challenging, especially if their lack of trust feels completely unjustified. You’ve done nothing but prove yourself as a trustworthy person, treated your partner with love and respect, you were reliable, you were there for them yet he or she is still distant and doesn’t want to let you in.
This kind of situation can be extremely hurtful and frustrating.
Don’t worry though, this is a very common problem and you can fix it.
There are lots of ways you can gain your partner’s trust.
In this article, I will share the strategies that helped me get Gabriel to trust me more.
1. Don’t Take Their Mistrust Personally
I know that is a difficult one. Your loved one not trusting you often feels very personal. However, chances are your partner’s trust issues arose way before you two started dating.
If you have done nothing to lose your partner’s trust, you’re probably in the clear. His or her lack of trust has most likely nothing to do with you or your behavior.
Maybe they have been cheated on in the past or betrayed by their best friend. Or maybe their parents were very unreliable and always arrived late when picking them up from school.
Everyone goes through their share of disappointments in people.
Believing that your partner’s trust issues are your fault will most likely lead to you blaming him/her for it. It will cause an argument and both you and your partner will end up feeling hurt.
So don’t take responsibility for issues you have not caused.
2. Don’t Push Them Out Of Their Comfort Zone
When being in a relationship with a person who has problems with trust, you might feel tempted to try to push them past their issues. Even though this attitude might give you some quick results, it will absolutely backfire in the long run.
People say “what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger”. Or that you have to push past your limits, otherwise you won’t get anywhere in life.
This kind of attitude really doesn’t work when it comes to building trust.
Trying to force your partner to trust you will most likely resent you for it. In the long run, it will only just push him/her away.
There are times in relationships when taking certain steps might feel like a bit of a jump. However, there is a difference between being slightly uncertain about some decisions, and feeling completely lost and overwhelmed.
If you want to gain your partner’s trust, don’t push them to do things they’re ready for.
3. Notice Their Vulnerability And Reward It With Kindness
Letting another person into your intimate emotional space is scary. Understand that for your partner it might be a big deal to trust you even with little things.
Learn to notice when your partner is being vulnerable and always try to reward that behavior.
For example, if your partner wants to rearrange the furniture in his/her bedroom and asks for your advice, don’t take charge and try to redecorate the entire place.
Notice that, by asking for your opinion, your partner is being vulnerable and reward it by listening to him/her and helping to find a solution he or she will be happy with.
Rewarding vulnerability will encourage your partner to open up and trust you more.
4. Be There For Them When They’re Weak
Everybody faces some tough times in life. Being there for your partner in their hour of need is a great way to earn their trust.
There are multiple ways to show your partner you have their back when they need you most.
Some are really simple like doing the grocery shopping and cooking for them when they catch a cold.
When a person truly needs help, the simplest acts of kindness can really make their day.
For example, I’ve strained a muscle while exercising recently and as a result couldn’t put my socks on without feeling major pain.
Letting Gabriel put my socks on for me for a week actually felt very vulnerable, but at the same time, it was a great trust-building experience.
Allowing your partner to be weak around you will inevitably open them up and will let you gain their trust.
5. Show An Active Interest In Them
Deep down we all love to talk about ourselves. Nothing will help to gain your partner’s trust more, than showering them with attention. Listen to them, understand their world. Get to know their opinion on things, their likes, and dislikes.
Even if you feel like you know your partner completely, remember, there is always more to learn about a person.
Showing an active interest in your partner give him/her space to be their true self around you. It will help to let their guard down and build trust towards you.
Being together with a person who is afraid to trust can be challenging. Nonetheless, there is a lot you can do to improve it.
Building trust takes time and requires lots of patience. However, every little step on the way of getting your partner to let you in is extremely rewarding.
Moreover, trust is not a finite resource in a relationship. There is no such thing as trusting somebody completely. So no matter what stage your relationship you’re in, there is always room for more trust between you and your partner.
If you found this article helpful, you might want to save it to Pinterest for later or share it on your preferred platform via the social media buttons below. It supports us in creating more exciting content for you!
I’d love to hear about your experiences with trust building in your relationship. Let me know in the comment section below!
Setting emotional boundaries is difficult, regardless of who you are.
In this article I’m going guide you through the journey that will allow you to set boundaries in your own life, regardless of where you’re at emotionally.
We’re going to start off with exercises you can do by yourself and work our way up to setting boundaries with real people in your day to day life.
Alright, let’s do this.
1. Start By Imagining Setting Boundaries In Your Mind
We’re going to start with the very basics. Before we go anywhere near practicing boundaries in real life, it’s important to do so in a very safe space; what better place, than your own mind?
The reason we do this, is because there’s no external influence that can cross a boundary you’ve set. In other words, we’re limiting the factors, so that your success is guaranteed.
At this point think of a few boundaries that are easy for you to set. Nothing difficult because it’s important that you build little successes along the way. Don’t worry, you’ll get to the heavy lifting later on.
Now I want you to think of small incidents where somebody did or said something, that bothered you, but you remained quite or went along with it.
Some examples might include:
A person leaves you waiting for them without good reason
Somebody at work unloads their responsibilities onto you
You say something and a person makes it out as though they hadn’t heard you
I want you to think about your personal incidents and imagine what could have been. Like we all love to do in retrospect; where we imagine emerging victoriously from a social conflict with our dignity intact. Yes, exactly that.
You might think it silly, but this is where it all starts, you’ll be building upon this later.
Now take that incident and imagine your victory, no matter how ridiculous or exaggerated (nobody will know after all).
Feel free to flesh it out until you really feel the initial injustice done to you, followed by your ultimate comeback that leaves everybody witnessing the event floored and your opponent apologizing for their transgression.
Great, now the purpose of this, is that you’re starting to build an alternate response to somebody crossing your boundaries. But you’re starting in your mind, so that you have full control over the outcome.
2. Practice Vocally Setting Boundaries In A Safe Space
Next up we’re going to manifest your boundary vocally, again this exercise is one you’ll be doing alone.
The plan is for you to combine the previous exercise you were doing in your mind with a vocal boundary. This way you’re bringing strengthening your already established mental boundary with an additional component. Your voice.
That’s right, double power up time.
Now here are some basic sentence structures you can use to get you started:
“It’s not okay for you to come late, when we arrange to meet at a certain time.”
“I want you to stop trying to unload your responsibilities onto me.”
“I’m not okay with you ignoring what I just said.”
Use the beginning of the sentence marked in bold and then add your own badass ending to it.
When you’re first saying it out loud, it’s bound to feel weird and lacking in umph. But don’t worry, this is new territory and you’ll find your voice in time.
The important thing here is to practice in a safe space, start slow and if it feels like too much, you can take a break. You can also try doing it, in your head first if you like.
3. Add A Physical Boundary Practice
Time to add a physical action to the above exercises. The purpose of this is to involve all of you, into setting a boundary. So in total you’ll have:
Your mind
Your voice
And now your body
engaged in setting a boundary.
You can do this with any object you can push against that will safely give way. I recommend a door to start, if you have a boxing bag or something similar it’ll also work.
Stand in front of the door and think of the boundary you’re setting, vocalize it and push against the door, so that it moves away from you.
Repeat as often as feels right to you. You can think of all sorts of scenarios that have bothered you in the past and “push against them”.
Having all of you engaged in setting a boundary like this is what will continue building and strengthening the pathway in your brain. The point of this, is to make setting boundaries a normal thing to you.
At some point, this response should come to you instinctively (I’m not advocating talking at doors and pushing them publicly) But the feeling of being treated unfairly should be followed by an internal pushback (hence the pushing).
By combining the thought, the spoken word and an action, you’re putting your entire being into manifesting your boundary.
Now we’ve covered all the exercises you can do privately by yourself, next up is where the rubber hits the road.
4. Set Boundaries In Texts & Emails
Setting boundaries with real people can be scary at first, which is why I recommend first doing it in texts or emails.
The advantage you have here, is that you have time to think and respond. This way there are still layers of protection between you and the person crossing a boundary.
There’s not much to this, other than applying what you’ve previously learned. Somebody is treating you unkindly, you respond by setting a boundary.
This clearly communicates to them, that you’ll no longer be tolerating their behaviour and that they should engage more respectfully with you in the future.
Again, feel free to use the sentence structures in point 2. as a basis.
Pro tip:If the person doesn’t respect your emotional boundary and is laughing you off or making light of it, repeat your boundary and stand firm. If they continue, let them know that you are no longer willing to continue this conversation, given that your boundaries are not being respected and leave the conversation.
You’ve stood your ground and put yourself first. That is a victory, no matter the others response. You’ll build many little successes like this, which will compound over time and build your confidence.
By practicing your emotional boundaries in texts or emails, you’re taking the first step in drawing a line with people that aren’t treating you well.
5. Bring Your Boundaries To The Real World
The same principles apply as with point 4. But now you’re taking it to the real world. This is certainly the scariest step, but with enough practice of the previous ones, you’ll eventually be prepared for this.
In the real world, you’re obviously not going to actually push things or people away, but keep the intention and feeling of doing so in your mind.
If you have a friend you trust, you can even practice with them first. What’s important here, is that you have a person validating you and telling you “Well done.” for setting a boundary.
Take on conflicts you feel more confident about, don’t jump into the deep end with close friends or relatives. Work colleagues might be a better start.
As you continue setting boundaries, it’ll become second nature and you’ll gradually be able to take on more difficult conflicts.
What’s important here, is to set yourself up for success, so that you feel empowered.
Conclusion
There. You’re all set up now and can fin for yourself in the real world!
Now along the way, know that setbacks are part of the journey. There is no person on this planet that didn’t stumble when setting their boundaries (I would know). But stick to it and give yourself time.
What’s important is that you can do it now and that you’re only getting better at it.
Also, we’d love to hear your thoughts or stories about setting boundaries in the comments section!
Getting to know your man is an endless journey, there are always more layers to uncover and things to discover. Questions are obviously a fantastic way to dig a little deeper to find the good stuff.
If you’ve fallen into the trap of assuming you’ve learned everything there is to know about him, think again.
Every man carries with him, an endless pool of untold stories, mysteries and sometimes secrets he is not even aware of carrying.
I want you to look at your partner and imagine that he was once a baby, a kid, a teenager and then grew into the man he is today.
That is a lot of time!
By the time he is 30 years old, he has spent about 260,000+ hours on this planet!
That means he’s met hundreds of people, had thousands of thoughts and countless emotional experiences.
No matter how much my girlfriend Karolina talks to me, there are always new things she discovers about me (often to my own surprise) and men trust their partner more when they’re curious about them!
So here they are.
Questions to Know Him Better:
1. Did you prefer hanging out with girls or boys as a kid?
2. Who were your best friends in life?
3. Do you have any scars and what are their stories?
4. What was a secret you kept as a kid, that you haven’t told anybody to this day?
5. What is the one thing you’ve always been curious to try but never dared to?
6. What do you think is wrong with the world and how would you fix it?
7. Were you closer to your mother or father?
8. Is there something that society deems restricted to women that you’ve always been curious to try?
9. What is the biggest burden you carry all by yourself?
10. If you could have one superpower what would it be and what is the first thing you would do with it?
11. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?
12. What was your favorite band as a teenager and what were their top songs?
13. What is it you enjoy most in your life and what does it give you?
14. What’s your least favorite habit in people?
15. If you were a car, which would it be?
16. What is something you wish you had more time for in your life?
17. What stereotype of men do you vehemently disagree with?
18. If you had a month to yourself with endless money, what would you do?
19. Are you comfortable sleeping at night? Is there anything that would make it better?
20. What is your favorite musical instrument and what makes it so special?
21. If you could turn back time, what would you undo?
22. What science fiction technology, do you wish was ubiquitous today?
23. Do you have role models? Who are they and what do you admire about them?
24. What movie had the biggest impression on you in your youth?
25. Is there something you always wished somebody would ask you, but nobody ever did?
26. What is an opinion you previously held as true that you disagree with today?
27. Do you believe you can trust people?
28. What is that one things that is missing most in your life?
29. At what point in your life did you feel the most inspired and by what?
30. What would a special somebody need to do, to make you feel really loved today?
Now remember not to just work your way down the list, this isn’t an interrogation after all.
So, these questions are a great start to get to know your man better, but they will have their limits. If you’re interested in bringing him even closer, be sure to check out our FREE 4-day Relationship Challenge.
You’ll learn how to connect with him on an even deeper level, that will make him want to open up towards you. Additionally, it will help you break any bad habits that are likely to shut him down again.
We always believed that relationships should be FUN and uplifting! And we were obsessed with finding real-world practical solutions for our relationship problems. Today we help others do the same with our blog.
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The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network.
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The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user.
Statistics
The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes.The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you.
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