Photo by Timur Weber

If you can’t talk to your husband without him getting angry, deep down you likely feel very frustrated with him by now. It’s hard to be with a man who has no room for where you’re at and what you need.

What’s more, this kind of situation cannot last.

Your needs matter and you deserve to be heard in your relationship!

In this blog post, I’ll explain why men act this way and what you can do to get past your husband’s defensiveness, so that he can finally hear you out.

Why Does My Husband Get Mad At Me So Easily?

When you can’t talk to your husband without him getting angry, it’s hard not to take it personally and blame yourself. What did I do to deserve this? Am I unreasonable or overreacting?

In reality, your husband’s short temper has much more to do with his upbringing than it does with you. None of us goes through life unscathed, we all bring our baggage with us into our relationships.

Your husband getting mad so easily is his emotional baggage.

And there are usually three underlying reasons/components to it:

This Is Likely How His Caregivers Talked To Each Other Or To Him

We all learn from our parents and other role models, and then repeat their behavior, often without even realizing that we’re doing it. Your husband might be intuitively reacting this way, simply because he has seen it done this way before.

Maybe his parents got mad every time one of them needed something from the other. Or they often reacted this way when he wanted something from them or one of them.

These kinds of experiences can govern your life and make you blindly repeat the cycle.

So much so, your husband might even believe that getting mad is how you’re supposed to talk to a loved one. Which brings me to my next point.

He Never Learned How To Communicate

If you can’t talk to your husband without him getting angry, then chances are he never learned how to communicate and consequently, he can’t do it, at least not in a romantic relationship.

He might not understand what the purpose of you telling him things is. He is also likely unable to express his feelings in a non-aggressive way.

Much like riding a bicycle, communication in a relationship is a skill. You need to learn it and then practice it, to be able to do it. Your husband likely never got a chance to develop this particular ability. This is why he is so bad at it…

Everything Is A Personal Attack To Him

Last, but not least, men so often get defensive when you tell them how you feel, because they take everything as a personal attack. This is why you can’t talk to him without him getting angry!

Because in your husband’s head you’re likely blaming him and attacking him the whole time, so he retaliates…

By the way, it’s not just men who react this way. This is something all married couples struggle with.

One spouse says something, but the words that are spoken don’t arrive or land as intended.

For example, you might say: “I’m going to set the alarm clock 20 minutes earlier, so that we don’t rush in the morning this time.”

And what this might mean to him will be: “I can’t trust you. You’re lazy and unreliable. I have to make up for it by waking up earlier in the morning!”

It’s two completely different messages that are only vaguely related! And you need to see this phenomenon as such in order to be able to counteract it.

How To Deal With A Short Tempered Husband

The key to dealing with a husband you can’t talk to without him getting angry is seeing it as his issue, not yours.

This is his emotional baggage, his inability to communicate, plus he is the one who is overreacting here, not you!

This is not your fault. His reaction has likely little to do with you! Unfortunately, though, in order to get through to him, you’re going to have to be the bigger person.

There is no point chasing him, begging him for attention and hoping that things will be different next time around. They won’t!

1. Take Control Of The Situation

In order to deal with a short-tempered husband, you’re going to have to take charge and make it happen. You’ll have to be the bigger person. You’re the adult here, and he is currently acting like a rebellious teenager.

This is why, you will have to keep your cool, calm him down and explain that this is important, and you just need him to listen.

2. Set Boundaries When He Gets Angry

The second component of dealing with a husband who gets angry easily are boundaries. This is how you can protect yourself and cut his attacks short.

It’s also how you can make it clear to him that his reaction is not helpful to either of you.

If he keeps on getting angry, you’ll have to set boundaries to teach him that it’s not ok to talk to you this way.

3. Encourage His Efforts, As Small As They Might Be

The third part of dealing with a short-tempered husband is to validate him when he does get something right, no matter how small it might be. Even if it’s just a fraction of what you were trying to communicate.

It’s the only way that will actually encourage him to do more and try harder!

If you’re looking for a step-by-step guide on how to get a man to listen to you, we cover this in our online course Rebuild Your Relationship.

Here you’ll find phrases on what to say to get your husband to pay attention and take you seriously. We’ll also teach you how to set boundaries with him when he does get angry.

This way, you’ll be fully prepared and able to get through to him, without things escalating into an argument.

Click here to Check out Rebuild Your Relationship

Thank you for reading! If you’re interested in further tips on how to deal with a short-tempered husband, check out my other post: How To Fix Your Relationship When You Can’t Talk Without Arguing

And in case you have questions, leave me a comment, and I’ll get back to you!


Karolina Bartnik