Photo by Kyle Bearden

They say that your partner can’t be your everything.

That they can’t possibly be there for all of your needs.

That wanting them to be your partner in life, friend and lover… is simply too much to ask and even unhealthy.

Well, I’m here to claim the opposite.

The seemingly exaggerated romances we see on the big screen are POSSIBLE.

  • He can be your most reliable companion
  • He can definitely be your ultimate lover
  • Your partner can be your closest friend
  • And even your primary shoulder to cry on

And the truth is, getting there in your relationship can happen naturally.

You Shouldn’t Feel Like You Have To Be Their Everything

To clarify, you should never feel like it’s “your job” to be fulfilling certain roles in your relationship.

If you feel internal or external pressure to be their one and only and meet every single need they have, with thoughts like:

  • “I have to be ready to sacrifice what I want”
  • “I always have to say “yes” to sex, even if I’m not in the mood”
  • “I have to let him feel like he’s intellectually superior”
  • “I have to put his needs above mine”

Then we’re not coming from the right place.

You can’t endlessly give. You’ll burn out and either blame yourself or come to resent your partner.

Sure, relationships are work.

But it’s important to not relate to them as checklists that need completing.


When You Deeply Care About Each Other, It’ll Happen Naturally

What this means, is it’ll happen ON IT’S OWN.

You DON’T NEED to force yourself to do anything.

Karolina and I always did our level best to NEVER PUSH ourselves in our relationship.

If something felt off, we didn’t do it!

And we’ve become big advocates of this.

When we’re asked, we tell other couples that they can TRUST THEMSELVES to want to care. It doesn’t need to be forced or related to a task to fulfill.

It can take time to think this way about it.

But the more room you make for it, the easier it’ll come.

You’ll find yourself WANTING to be their shoulder to cry on, their lover and most trusted friend.

And your actions will follow suit.

Love And Trust Compound In Relationships

The wonderful thing about this process is that as your relationship develops, you begin to grow closer in ALL AREAS!


Because as you prove yourselves to each other as trustworthy and loving, you’ll allow for access to other, more vulnerable areas of yourselves.

For example, men can often be distant for secret reasons.

I was always afraid of trusting Karolina and remained unavailable because I had been taught that needing love is a weakness.

But as my trust towards her grew, I found myself relating to her not just as a lover and companion.

But as a true friend.

These kinds of developments change the game in your relationship.

Externally imposed roles and rules on how you should think about- or relate to each other go out the window!

Once that happens, you’re both free to define your relationship and its rules AS YOU SEE FIT.

In our relationship, this leads to an increased bond of trust, friendship, romance and stability.

You might find that you’re suddenly prioritizing each other and talking for hours on end every day as though you had just started dating again.

Your love life can snap out of routines and become spontaneous and exciting!

You’ll be able to take your relationship to the next level and can feel even more valued, connected and safe.

If you have any thoughts or questions about this process, share them with us in the comments section and we’ll get back to you!


Gabriel Brenner